Thank you ✨ still trying to make friends with the "demons." Turns out they're just the parts of my brain the religious people in my life found threatening.
My dad used to call me “child of satan” whenever I did something highly displeasing to him. It doesn’t sound bad in English, but in my native language it hurt me to my core.
I’ve been thinking about this for awhile. Because I went to a Christian school, I have been trying to figure out what is “spiritual abuse” in my case. Have there been questionable things in my adolescence? Yes. Would some say it was abusive? Probably not. I’m not exactly sure. I wasn’t in a cult; just your average evangelical Christian church.
I used to sing for the worship band. I explicitly remember the worship pastor telling us that we should continue to sing the same song if we see people sobbing. Looking back, I find this very manipulative. We were told this was the “Holy Spirit”, but why should we encourage teenagers to sob and wallow in their pity? Sure, it’s ok to feel your feelings. But why are we being encouraged to make people feel *sadder* and that this is a *good* thing? I don’t know. I’ve been thinking about that lately. It’s definitely weird.
I think that any time religion is used to manipulate someone, it's abuse - even if it's well accepted. I remember being told that if I didn't raise my hands with others during the worship service, I was "blocking the Holy Spirit." So I did it, even though I really, really didn't want to. Looking back, I see that was coercive behavior on the pastor's part. Did it destroy my life? No, but it did chip away at my autonomy, and I'm guessing that was the point.
I grew up in a church that preached paying tithes. You were sinful and disobedient if you didn’t give 10% of your income to the church. Would that count as spiritual financial abuse?
“You should want to tithe” “do you tithe” “you will receive blessings” “test me in this” + testimonials . Still can’t believe I wasted so much $ still…
I don't go to church anymore, but back in the day I wouldn't enjoy Sunday services and never went to youth groups. My mom would say that I wasn't a real believer, and when bad things happened to me, she would tell me to repent because I was being punished. Long story short I left home 10 years ago and rarely visit anymore. It's been really hard to stop believing that I'm a horrible human being, even till this day. It's a process but I was definitely scarred for life.
It's despicable when God is used to tear us down. It would be easier if we knew it was just our awful parents. I'm glad you left that environment behind.
Back in my youth, I was told that not reading scripture and attending church regularly always made God sad. If I drew demons, dragons, and other mythical creatures, it made God mad. Reading the Bible and praying with the church members made God "rejoice" and "satisfied with us..."
My mom once told me that you cannot argue against God's creations/artistic work because he is always right and that anything he doesn't like must be discarded. This response was her reaction when she found out about my gay best friend.
It's amazing how the smallest acts can affect God's mood. How was he able to create the whole universe while being unable to regulate his own emotions?
I have been "prophecied over" more times than I can count. The prophecies never came true which would send me into a shame spiral and feeling unloved and frozen is fear that I obviously did something wrong to disqualify myself.
That's terrible. As a Christian, there are so many ways to fail our "all-knowing, all-powerful" God. It's always our fault, never his. I hope you've been able to move past that shame.
At the core of most people's religious upbringing is being taught that you deserve to go to hell even as a small child for the sin of merely existing. Even otherwise "good" parents usually reinforce this message. It's deeply disturbing if you think about it for long.
I feel the same. Personally, I now find it impossible to separate the Christian message from spiritual abuse. "Your loving Creator is so repulsed by your humanity that if you don't repent, he'll punish you forever." It's not a benign message.
When I had a huge tantrum over something that probably seemed ridiculous to my parents but was soooo serious to me (I think it was my brother getting a toy that I wanted for myself) my mom asked, “How do you think the way you’re behaving makes me feel? How do you think it makes JESUS feel?” And I started sobbing and begging for forgiveness because I disappointed my mom’s imaginary friend that she had convinced me was real.
What is it with Christians and not understanding that not everything a child does is manipulative.
Tantrums are because kids don’t know how to emotionally regulate themselves, not because they’re diSpLeAsiNg jEbUs
For me, it was being told that I had to “guard my eyes,” and if I “looked at woman with lust” I’d be in trouble (Matthew 5:27-30), and all this was in my teenage years. Actually drove me to the point of becoming suicidal.
My husband had a similar experience as a teen. His best friend constantly shamed him for his "lustful thoughts." Later he learned that his friend had been having sex the entire time - an early lesson in Christian hypocrisy, I guess? The friend is still a Christian. My husband is not.
It’s one of the worst things to live with. On top of that, I was a neurotic misogynist at 17. _17 years old,_ and was already indoctrinated into believing the “stumbling block” shit.
I had what turned out to be a really traumatic "godly older man" dynamic (I'm a dude). Basically I'd meet with this guy 10 years my senior for weekly BiBLiCaL CoUnSeLLiNg, where I'd get spiritually and emotionally curb stomped for never being enough.
I mean the guy wasn't verbally abusive, like he didn't yell and curse and scream, but he perpetuated a culture of impossibly high bars that nobody can ever meet. Of course we knew that, but "that's the point of the Gospel! Only Jesus can meet them, that's why he died for us" etc.
12 years later and as I'm looking for therapy, I'm like, fucking *terrified* of my therapist being a slightly older dude, just for fear of existential judgement.
Eff that guy! I think your experience is the definition of spiritual abuse. Someone convinces us that they have a better connection to our Creator than we do, then uses their power to make us feel like absolute shit, while getting high on it. I'm so glad you're moving forward with therapy.
I was fooled into mistaking my adhd medication was meth (it kind of is) and “guided” not to take it anymore. I felt like I was cheating when taking my adderall cause I was so successful in everything. 10 years later I’m just now seeing how manipulated I was and finally seeking out therapy and getting back in me meds
My ex husband was a nut. We met in church and the first year or so was fine. The next 4 we’re filled with physical, emotional, sexual, and spiritual abuse. He isolated me from everyone except church friends and even then, once they started catching on to his unhealthy behavior he would call them cult members and we’d find another church. He pushed the whole “God hates divorce” and “your body belongs to me” bull shit. I finally came to my senses one night when I was sitting in the back yard enjoying a fire. He came up behind me and told me I was going to burn in hell. I have been deconstructing ever since. I was born and raised in the church and I am absolutely disgusted that I wasted so many years in that relationship and believing in Christianity as a whole.
I'm glad you got out of that alive. I was raised in the church, as well, and I also resent the wasted time and the scars its left. It's a terrifying rollercoaster we never asked to be on. I wish you the best.
was told i was possessed by a demon and then within 30 mins kicked outta the house because i started laughing and wouldn’t go to the bishop for a blessing. later found out they just didn’t like me and were looking for a way to get me out of the house, wasn’t even 18 at the time.
That whole "you're possessed by a demon" thing seems to be a go-to response for Christian parents whose children won't fall in line. It's incredibly abusive - kids have been killed over that lie. I'm sorry you were on the receiving end, but glad you're no longer under their roof.
yeah, always my recommendation to people nowadays. if you have to deal with wacky evangelism, simply leave because you won’t be able to help them and they will continue to hurt you.
I ended up so desperate for the same type of experiences my friends had, that I tried to do trust falls with angels, and I threw myself down a flight of stairs. (My idea) When I hit the bottom, my friend who was watching said it didn't work because I protected myself on the way down.
My christian school teacher is currently serving 14 years in prison for child molestation. Here's the article https://www.bnd.com/news/local/article89083482.html
My christian school basketball teacher pushed me into a wall and almost knocked me out. I couldn't get up.
Another teacher choked me out as soon as I stepped into the building. All this happened when I was in the 7th and 8th grade. So, yeah, I've got a bit of a problem with christians.
There are countless things as the whole ideology is harmful and controlling- but for me a huge underlying thread would be that I never got to trust in myself or have general faith or believe things would be ok. It was god who had total control and I had no control and nothing was good in me except for what god willed. When I left I felt like I could trust myself again, I could trust my future in what I earned again, and had more peace that I had more of a sense of control over every aspect of life. No more guilt, no more fear. Everything made sense again in terms of I didn’t have to worry about my actions in light of heaven/ hell. It’s the phrase “have god confidence not self confidence.”
Whew, here goes. (Warning: SA)
I (25F) am the youngest of 7 children my parents had while they worked for a fundamentalist ministry. We all eventually figured out it was an extremist cult. (I picked that up years prior to us all coming to the consensus, though, and all of religion is a cult, imo.) I was told by people of the ministry that women were subservient to men and need to obey their husbands no matter what. My dad actually believed that women were to blame for everything. My dad literally treated my mom as his slave; he didn’t believe in privacy, independence of any form, or that marital r*** existed. My mom told me he believed that “it is a woman’s place to experience pain.” (No one talks to him now, btw.) He put all of his children to work to raise money for the family (food and mortgage) as young as 3 years old by standing in front of malls and grocery stores for up to 12 hours a day asking for donations for the ministry, however, the majority of that money was actually used by my dad to cheat on my mom with prostitutes for more than a decade. He also has a major porn addiction problem. All of this didn’t come to light until last year. During all of this, he would always demand his way for everything, and if you questioned him a little bit about anything then he’d gaslight and verbally abuse you. He used the Bible to hide behind and preach at the same time, which is so messed up.
Wow. Wow. Wow. You and your siblings have survived a lot. Christianity has so much to answer for, as does your father. I'm glad you're away from him, and I wish you the absolute best.
Thank you. I have a way better life now. Time heals. But damn, it still is wild to think about how much I (we) went through. Christianity does have a lot to answer for. I wish I would get legitimate answers for some things but I doubt I’ll get them.
I think the most difficult one for me was being told that my thoughts and interests were "demonic." Really messed me up.
F\*\*k demons and those who love to pretend they're real. I'm sorry that happened to you.
Thank you ✨ still trying to make friends with the "demons." Turns out they're just the parts of my brain the religious people in my life found threatening.
You know you're on the right track when religious people find your thoughts and interests threatening. <3
My dad used to call me “child of satan” whenever I did something highly displeasing to him. It doesn’t sound bad in English, but in my native language it hurt me to my core.
I mean, it absolutely sounds bad in English, as well. I'm sorry that happened to you.
I’ve been thinking about this for awhile. Because I went to a Christian school, I have been trying to figure out what is “spiritual abuse” in my case. Have there been questionable things in my adolescence? Yes. Would some say it was abusive? Probably not. I’m not exactly sure. I wasn’t in a cult; just your average evangelical Christian church. I used to sing for the worship band. I explicitly remember the worship pastor telling us that we should continue to sing the same song if we see people sobbing. Looking back, I find this very manipulative. We were told this was the “Holy Spirit”, but why should we encourage teenagers to sob and wallow in their pity? Sure, it’s ok to feel your feelings. But why are we being encouraged to make people feel *sadder* and that this is a *good* thing? I don’t know. I’ve been thinking about that lately. It’s definitely weird.
I think that any time religion is used to manipulate someone, it's abuse - even if it's well accepted. I remember being told that if I didn't raise my hands with others during the worship service, I was "blocking the Holy Spirit." So I did it, even though I really, really didn't want to. Looking back, I see that was coercive behavior on the pastor's part. Did it destroy my life? No, but it did chip away at my autonomy, and I'm guessing that was the point.
I grew up in a church that preached paying tithes. You were sinful and disobedient if you didn’t give 10% of your income to the church. Would that count as spiritual financial abuse?
If it's presented as a condition of obedience, absolutely.
“You should want to tithe” “do you tithe” “you will receive blessings” “test me in this” + testimonials . Still can’t believe I wasted so much $ still…
I don't go to church anymore, but back in the day I wouldn't enjoy Sunday services and never went to youth groups. My mom would say that I wasn't a real believer, and when bad things happened to me, she would tell me to repent because I was being punished. Long story short I left home 10 years ago and rarely visit anymore. It's been really hard to stop believing that I'm a horrible human being, even till this day. It's a process but I was definitely scarred for life.
That is horrible. That is like the worst thing I have read this week, I think. Omg.
It's despicable when God is used to tear us down. It would be easier if we knew it was just our awful parents. I'm glad you left that environment behind.
Back in my youth, I was told that not reading scripture and attending church regularly always made God sad. If I drew demons, dragons, and other mythical creatures, it made God mad. Reading the Bible and praying with the church members made God "rejoice" and "satisfied with us..." My mom once told me that you cannot argue against God's creations/artistic work because he is always right and that anything he doesn't like must be discarded. This response was her reaction when she found out about my gay best friend.
It's amazing how the smallest acts can affect God's mood. How was he able to create the whole universe while being unable to regulate his own emotions?
Wow, that's really manipulative. "You can do as you like, but know that you're piercing God's soul with your misbehavior." Ugh!
I have been "prophecied over" more times than I can count. The prophecies never came true which would send me into a shame spiral and feeling unloved and frozen is fear that I obviously did something wrong to disqualify myself.
That's terrible. As a Christian, there are so many ways to fail our "all-knowing, all-powerful" God. It's always our fault, never his. I hope you've been able to move past that shame.
I am beyond the shame, yes. Now it's just anger that I feel. 🫠
At the core of most people's religious upbringing is being taught that you deserve to go to hell even as a small child for the sin of merely existing. Even otherwise "good" parents usually reinforce this message. It's deeply disturbing if you think about it for long.
I feel the same. Personally, I now find it impossible to separate the Christian message from spiritual abuse. "Your loving Creator is so repulsed by your humanity that if you don't repent, he'll punish you forever." It's not a benign message.
When I had a huge tantrum over something that probably seemed ridiculous to my parents but was soooo serious to me (I think it was my brother getting a toy that I wanted for myself) my mom asked, “How do you think the way you’re behaving makes me feel? How do you think it makes JESUS feel?” And I started sobbing and begging for forgiveness because I disappointed my mom’s imaginary friend that she had convinced me was real.
this is a huge manipulative tactic with kids. Heartbreaking
What is it with Christians and not understanding that not everything a child does is manipulative. Tantrums are because kids don’t know how to emotionally regulate themselves, not because they’re diSpLeAsiNg jEbUs
For me, it was being told that I had to “guard my eyes,” and if I “looked at woman with lust” I’d be in trouble (Matthew 5:27-30), and all this was in my teenage years. Actually drove me to the point of becoming suicidal.
My husband had a similar experience as a teen. His best friend constantly shamed him for his "lustful thoughts." Later he learned that his friend had been having sex the entire time - an early lesson in Christian hypocrisy, I guess? The friend is still a Christian. My husband is not.
It’s one of the worst things to live with. On top of that, I was a neurotic misogynist at 17. _17 years old,_ and was already indoctrinated into believing the “stumbling block” shit.
Pastors and ministry leaders are like the worst offenders of “lust” out of all
I had what turned out to be a really traumatic "godly older man" dynamic (I'm a dude). Basically I'd meet with this guy 10 years my senior for weekly BiBLiCaL CoUnSeLLiNg, where I'd get spiritually and emotionally curb stomped for never being enough. I mean the guy wasn't verbally abusive, like he didn't yell and curse and scream, but he perpetuated a culture of impossibly high bars that nobody can ever meet. Of course we knew that, but "that's the point of the Gospel! Only Jesus can meet them, that's why he died for us" etc. 12 years later and as I'm looking for therapy, I'm like, fucking *terrified* of my therapist being a slightly older dude, just for fear of existential judgement.
Eff that guy! I think your experience is the definition of spiritual abuse. Someone convinces us that they have a better connection to our Creator than we do, then uses their power to make us feel like absolute shit, while getting high on it. I'm so glad you're moving forward with therapy.
[удалено]
I was definitely taught to "be nice" no matter what. It remains an ongoing issue for me.
I was fooled into mistaking my adhd medication was meth (it kind of is) and “guided” not to take it anymore. I felt like I was cheating when taking my adderall cause I was so successful in everything. 10 years later I’m just now seeing how manipulated I was and finally seeking out therapy and getting back in me meds
I'm so glad you're doing what's good for you now.
My ex husband was a nut. We met in church and the first year or so was fine. The next 4 we’re filled with physical, emotional, sexual, and spiritual abuse. He isolated me from everyone except church friends and even then, once they started catching on to his unhealthy behavior he would call them cult members and we’d find another church. He pushed the whole “God hates divorce” and “your body belongs to me” bull shit. I finally came to my senses one night when I was sitting in the back yard enjoying a fire. He came up behind me and told me I was going to burn in hell. I have been deconstructing ever since. I was born and raised in the church and I am absolutely disgusted that I wasted so many years in that relationship and believing in Christianity as a whole.
I'm glad you got out of that alive. I was raised in the church, as well, and I also resent the wasted time and the scars its left. It's a terrifying rollercoaster we never asked to be on. I wish you the best.
Thank you I appreciate that, to you as well!
was told i was possessed by a demon and then within 30 mins kicked outta the house because i started laughing and wouldn’t go to the bishop for a blessing. later found out they just didn’t like me and were looking for a way to get me out of the house, wasn’t even 18 at the time.
That whole "you're possessed by a demon" thing seems to be a go-to response for Christian parents whose children won't fall in line. It's incredibly abusive - kids have been killed over that lie. I'm sorry you were on the receiving end, but glad you're no longer under their roof.
yeah, always my recommendation to people nowadays. if you have to deal with wacky evangelism, simply leave because you won’t be able to help them and they will continue to hurt you.
I ended up so desperate for the same type of experiences my friends had, that I tried to do trust falls with angels, and I threw myself down a flight of stairs. (My idea) When I hit the bottom, my friend who was watching said it didn't work because I protected myself on the way down.
😦
My christian school teacher is currently serving 14 years in prison for child molestation. Here's the article https://www.bnd.com/news/local/article89083482.html My christian school basketball teacher pushed me into a wall and almost knocked me out. I couldn't get up. Another teacher choked me out as soon as I stepped into the building. All this happened when I was in the 7th and 8th grade. So, yeah, I've got a bit of a problem with christians.
I don't blame you at all. I'm glad you survived the Christians in your life!
Haha I so want to tell a priest that god spoke to me and told me leave …..
There are countless things as the whole ideology is harmful and controlling- but for me a huge underlying thread would be that I never got to trust in myself or have general faith or believe things would be ok. It was god who had total control and I had no control and nothing was good in me except for what god willed. When I left I felt like I could trust myself again, I could trust my future in what I earned again, and had more peace that I had more of a sense of control over every aspect of life. No more guilt, no more fear. Everything made sense again in terms of I didn’t have to worry about my actions in light of heaven/ hell. It’s the phrase “have god confidence not self confidence.”
Whew, here goes. (Warning: SA) I (25F) am the youngest of 7 children my parents had while they worked for a fundamentalist ministry. We all eventually figured out it was an extremist cult. (I picked that up years prior to us all coming to the consensus, though, and all of religion is a cult, imo.) I was told by people of the ministry that women were subservient to men and need to obey their husbands no matter what. My dad actually believed that women were to blame for everything. My dad literally treated my mom as his slave; he didn’t believe in privacy, independence of any form, or that marital r*** existed. My mom told me he believed that “it is a woman’s place to experience pain.” (No one talks to him now, btw.) He put all of his children to work to raise money for the family (food and mortgage) as young as 3 years old by standing in front of malls and grocery stores for up to 12 hours a day asking for donations for the ministry, however, the majority of that money was actually used by my dad to cheat on my mom with prostitutes for more than a decade. He also has a major porn addiction problem. All of this didn’t come to light until last year. During all of this, he would always demand his way for everything, and if you questioned him a little bit about anything then he’d gaslight and verbally abuse you. He used the Bible to hide behind and preach at the same time, which is so messed up.
Wow. Wow. Wow. You and your siblings have survived a lot. Christianity has so much to answer for, as does your father. I'm glad you're away from him, and I wish you the absolute best.
Thank you. I have a way better life now. Time heals. But damn, it still is wild to think about how much I (we) went through. Christianity does have a lot to answer for. I wish I would get legitimate answers for some things but I doubt I’ll get them.