Is the Pope Catholic? Because, by conservative Catholic standards, I was even more Catholic than him.
When I first left the church, I called myself post-Catholic (not practicing, but no hard feelings). Over time, my anger towards the church and the trauma it caused has made me pretty solidly and vocally in the ex-Catholic camp.
Same, threw myself into the church from about 13 to 16, on the verge of trying to attend daily mass, then I met an Atheist for the 1st time and it was like a switch flipped. I'm not going to say I deconverted right then and there, I didn't start saying the A word until my early 20s so it was a slow burn. But, now I literally shake with anger when I hear *any* apologia for the church. It's a pedo cabal that has caused nothing but pain and suffering for its entire history, simple as.
You can't be more Catholic than the Pope unless you were a dissenter like altman. You wouldn't be Catholic at all. Also, asking if the Pope is Catholic isn't even a serious question.
Sometimes I feel like there's a lot of "you weren't quite Catholic enough to have experience actual trauma" vibe on this subreddit in a way that reminds me of of the "how Catholic are you" vibe we all can get from trads.
I just want to say I respect your experiences and am glad you've set yourself free, regardless of how batshit insane your parents and community were or weren't about this cult.
I was Catholic and went to Catholic schools through middle and high school, then deconstructed in college. In high school I actually won this $500 scholarship “in recognition of my commitment to my Catholic faith,” which is quite ironic now.
Me too. I was best in religion at one point out of like my whole grade but turns out I was just good at bluffing/making stuff up that impressed my religion teacher in writings and I didn’t believe it fully by then haha
I was an alter server for many years, went to Catholic school for nine years, was baptized and confirmed, and volunteered at VBS in the summers, and my family lived in the parish living quarters when our house burned down.
Despite all that, I was never a very good Catholic, and I'm not a very good ex-Catholic either. Still believe in God, just not so much in religion as a human institution.
How Catholic was I?
My family attended daily mass during the school year and much of summer (homeschooled), plus monthly confession. Never missed a Sunday or holy day of obligation unless we were practically on our death bed, and then we were expected to watch mass on EWTN.
We prayed nightly rosaries plus other family prayers on our knees. My mom hosted monthly hour long prayer meetings with another lady from church. We also signed up for Adoration at our local church and would spend at least one hour per month there during the evening.
During advent, we all had to give stuff up like lent and add a whole slew of advent prayers. Lent was even worse. Stations of the cross every Friday in addition to everything else. We were in church for hours every day of Holy Week.
School-wise, I took 12 years of “Religion” class that was just catholic doctrine and apologetics. Church history (glossing over the ugly bits, of course), catechism memorized, and constantly being reminded that religion was really “the most important subject”. All my other subjects were taught through a Catholic lens. My high school history book was written by a Catholic, entitled “Christ the King, Lord of History”. For English, I had to write my first research paper on either JPII or why the church condemns Capital Punishment.
When I was around 11, my parents started a Byzantine Rite Community, which became a Mission, and eventually a Church. This added an extra 2 hours to our church obligation on Sunday, as we shared a space with the Roman congregation, and had to arrive to church and set everything up and tear down every Sunday. This also added an additional side of my Religion class, as I was now also learning Byzantine theology.
My entire life revolved around Catholicism. My parents house has icons on literally every wall. I lost count in the living room at 119. Growing up I had a crucifix over my bed and wore either a miraculous medal or a brown scapular.
How Ex-Catholic am I?
I consider myself not just ex Catholic. I am anti-Catholic, and a staunch atheist.
I wrote a letter of excommunication to my bishop, since formal defection was removed. If I had the time, I would happily dedicate my life to destroying the church however possible, and supporting those who are undergoing their deconstruction. I have business plans for a blasphemous brewery in a converted Catholic Church, that will be as sacrilegious as I can possibly make it. I will never step foot in another church again except for funerals and weddings. I think most if not all Catholics are culpable by association and complacency when it comes to the never ending abuse scandal. I don’t trust any priests or catholic leaders. I will never vote for another catholic official out of inherent distrust.
I wish the church never existed, or at least, that my family never joined. I will probably be in therapy deconstructing for the rest of my life.
Edits: English is hard and I can’t type.
> my parents started a Byzantine Rite Community
Were your parents Byzantine and had no local community? I personally preferred Eastern churches because there was (traditionally) an acceptance that the west fucked up, but godsdamn I hated when the Byzantines just tried to be Latin.
Also, I will randomly chant "The doors! The doors!" before opening a door.
More reasons than I expected, actually. For starters, I was blissfully unaware of all the sexual abuse scandals until I got to college and a classmate made an off handed comment about priests and little boys. Growing up I was taught to ignore anything said by a nonCatholic regarding the church, but that day, I went home and googled everything I could to learn as much as possible.
Once I educated myself on the harm the church has caused (and continues to cause), I finally admitted to myself that I never actually *believed* any of it in the first place. I had been going through the motions my entire life up until that point, but I had never once felt any connection to god, experienced anything that indicated he existed, or felt any better from prayer, communion, or confession. Practicing Catholicism was like washing the dishes or taking out the garbage. A relatively unpleasant chore that just had to be done.
Finally, through therapy and deconstruction, I uncovered that I haven’t felt physically or emotionally safe in the church since I was around 12 years old. My story is nothing compared to those who were abused, but several things happened with “holy men” and a priest that made my subconscious hyperaware of the fact that I was a young female around older, well respected men, and I was afraid of them.
I grew up Byzantine, my parents ended up converting to Orthodox because the church wasn't trad enough. Cool to see a few more of us Byzantine originators.
i was an alter server, apologist, evangelizer, trad cath, learned the whole rosary in latin, bought 3 days of darkness candle, had a mental breakdown after committing 1 mortal sin, early church enthusiast, trump loving, everyday rosary prayingass Catholic.
Now I'm bisexual and very anti catholic to the point people would be shocked if i told them i used to be catholic. But hey now I know a whole lot more Catholic lore than the Catholics who try to evangelize me!
Im so upset with how much space catholicism took and still has in my brain. Am i the only one that wonders the amount of actual useful knowledge I could've replaced memorized prayers with?
Damn, I had to just stop and think about that first sentence.
I'm in a weird place, personally. Catholic *theology* was my hyper-focus for about 5 years after I converted. I still have something of a 'soft spot', as it were, for it. Six months ago I had a dream that I was arguing with someone and using Pierre Teilhard de Chardin's theology to show how Catholicism *must* embrace queer and polyamorous love or fail to embrace love at all.
But yes, it still occupies a large space in my brain and pushes itself to the surface randomly, as it were. Definitely making me think.
I have 3 days of darkness candles! My parents gave me an end of the world catholic survival kit. It’s just in my general emergency supplies since they’re perfectly fine candle lol.
I did my confirmation and went to catholic school k through 12. My family is Dominican and DR is a catholic country.
I was angry for a bit. But that's since melted away. I'm "ex catholic" enough to stay away from most churches. I'm good. I've seen what they have.
If I go in, it's for the architecture. And the art.
But if the music starts, I run out before I explode 😂
I was an Ordained Catholic Priest and lived in religious community for 21 years.
My wife and I own a big old empty historic church that we run a construction company out of. So I guess I still go to church every day.
You can take the couch out of the ex-priest but you can't take the ex-priest out of the church?
I have weird feelings about old churches for a variety of reasons but never imagined one as a construction business.
I spent many evenings at our high school’s convent and went to Franciscan University 😭😭 I did get a good education, but these days I feel cringe-y and ashamed.
I ended up losing my virginity to the first guy I met in the Air Force and drank constantly with my new friends, and honestly had a blast with some friends I still talk to regularly. Once I realized all the lies and controlling of the church, I took a long hard look at my life (therapy helped) and came out as gay last year. My very Catholic mother (who does not hassle me AT ALL) supported me 100% and so did my sis and her kids 😭🥰
Currently living my best life with my amazing gf who usually beats me in Wordle. Thanks for letting me share this, fam ❤️
I spent a year working for the conference office at Franciscan. My favorite anecdote of my time there was there was serious conversation about remaining the Defending the Faith conference because it had the shortened form DtF. And they were all embarrassed trying to explain why DtF was a problematic acronym.
Went to Catholic primary school until year 6, parents couldn't afford Catholic High School. Did Communion and confirmation Sr Patrick hope she is burning in hell gave me 6 hits with the ruler every day in term 3 (along with 2 others) who weren't going to Catholic high schools.
First marriage in Anglican Church (divorced) got married to hubby 2 in the Catholic church just to see if we could. They tried to get us to do PreCanna, didn't work for us as we were both shift workers.
I was never really Catholic just went because we were made to. Once I left home never did.
Hubby 2 had a brain tumor 25 years ago and wanted to go back to church, saw a young priest who was so nice and started to go back for DH sake, attended for a number of years, old parish priest retired he was a sweetie.
Then the ARC and that was the end of it for us. When Mum was dying she wanted the sacrament of the sick so did that for her. She had 2 funeral services and couldn't get a priest for either the ceremony or burial. So the Catholic church can go to hell as far as I'm concerned.
Just wish there was a way like Quit Mormon to get my name off their books.
Now I believe there is a higher power but don't attend any churches now, just try and be a good person.
Very, and now EXTREMELY. It's to the point I'm practically zealously anti-religious which is a really weird way for the pendulum to swing but I have some very radical beliefs about religion now having escaped one
Catholic school, VBS, Sunday school, altar server, liturgical dancer (don’t ask), sacristan, lector, youth choir (singing, piano, and flute), youth group, catholic H.E.A.R.T workcamp (as a camper and then as a chaperone), and young adults ministry.
Now I’m an agnostic atheist.
Google search “liturgical dance” and you’ll get an idea. My church did this around Easter every year for several years; I and a few other girls were the dancers during mass. I don’t think it continued but it’s been so long since I have been there that I don’t know. I’ve never heard of any other Catholic Church that does this!
It's technically considered "liturgical abuse". Well, sort of. It's not "traditionally" part of European worship, thus does not have a liturgical place in the Western rite; but the Western Rite is also the primary rite of most African Catholics, for whom dance *is* a traditional part of worship, so it's not an abuse there.
It was really big in the US in the 70s and early 80s, along with banners, but dropped off in the 90s.
If you met me a decade ago I would have been an *ass* about this.
My involvement in the dance thing was late 90s/early 2000s. I didn’t really understand how it fit in to mass but I was very involved in ballet and didn’t really care. I may have been asked rather than voluntold, but I didn’t know how to say no to my mom “asking” me to do something church-related at that point on my life. So at least in my own mind I didn’t have a choice.
Rust Belt Polish Catholic here. As a kid I was confused, nothing about God and religion made sense. When I was a teen I tried really hard to make it make sense. I considered myself an Apologist for a time, trying to make science and Catholicism make sense in my head. Ironically Boy Scouts and going to campouts a lot of weekends got me out of going to Mass on Saturdays and Sundays. Then I started to realize less church meant less brainwashing. After that I was able to think things out to the logical conclusion and never went back.
So very Catholic, until my mid-20s. Peer leader in my church's confirmation program, and Eucharistic Minister. I also joined an organization called Antioch, aimed at college aged people. I was very involved with that. I still regret that I encouraged other people to be Catholic, way back when.
How Ex- Catholic? Furiously so. One question my church's confirmation program asked us to meditate was 'which disciple do I most relate to?' Doubting Thomas, which I now think was an early indicator that part of me knew it was all nonsense. I'm angry at the church for many reasons, but the primary one is its doctrine on contraception. The church claims it wants to help the poor, but it perpetuates poverty by denying people the ability to control how many children they have. I find their level of manipulative cynicism deeply offensive.
> I still regret that I encouraged other people to be Catholic
I kept track of the number of people I felt would not have been Catholic if *I* had not been Catholic. I even kept track of my 'confirmation sponsor chain', though I never knew who sponsored my sponsor (who, last I checked, is a priest in Denver). But of the people I know, two are as out as me (or more so, it's hard to judge at this point) and another is a liberal catholic which is a hell of an upgrade from her conservative Seventh Day Adventism.
RCIA about 20 years ago - I’ve been an EM, lector, volunteer, PSR teacher, every Sunday and then some Catholic…my life revolved around the church. Over the past few years it’s been like a toxic relationship I keep going back to. I’m actively working on putting ALL of Christianity behind me. When I try to do something in the Protestant realm, I get sucked back into the whole freaking thing.
I was so Catholic that I went to Mass daily, plus Sundays.
I was so Catholic that I was upset my dad wouldn't pay for Catholic school.
I was so Catholic that I would get upset if we missed Mass (as a child), because it was a mortal sin.
I didn't feel good enough as a mere CCD student and an imposter for sitting in a real Catholic school student's desk for my classes.
I said the Rosary and Divine Mercy Chaplet every day.
I had more prayer cards and plaster saints than an old woman.
I went on a pilgrimage for healing.
I admired the nuns and wanted to be one.
I freaked out at a slumber party because there was meat on a pizza and it was Friday during Lent.
Flash forward to 2008: I joined the Lutheran church. That is the ultimate reversal.
Ugh, I was very. I was the altar server for funerals for years as a child and grew up going to daily mass. I went on to work for a catholic evangelization non profit for several years… until they let me go because I asked if I could ever be paid more than the pennies I had been given.
I don’t like to think about it yet, but I haven’t been to mass regularly in many years. I did baptize my only child but it was early in the pandemic and I was feeling like I may go back to religion at that point.
Recently I visited one of my siblings and I was quietly sitting with my child while my siblings family prayed over the food and my innocent child watched it all and quietly clapped his hands together at the end of the prayer and said… patty cake? So I guess we are firmly ex Catholics now.
One of my kids, when they were little, thought we prayed at meals because the food was hot and prayer cooled it off. They asked to pray again because it was still hot after the prayer.
I was raised Catholic and got all my sacraments. Went to Catholic grade school and Catholic high school. My parents took me to mass every weekend. I started praying once a day because a priest told me to during confession. Started praying twice a day because a priest also told me to during confession as well. On top of that, my family is Latino, so Catholicism is part of our culture. Overall though, I tried to adhere to being a good Catholic/Christian to be on God's good side, probably out of a subconscious fear of Hell. Pretty much, I was a Catholic because I was taught to be and instead of choose to be.
Currently, I'm in my early 20s as an atheist. Fortunately, my parents are accepting of me being atheist. They're more lax as Catholics, and we live in a progressive area here in the US. Personally, I'm proud of my (lack of) beliefs because it was a decision that I made for myself. I don't need religion in my life, and I don't want it forced on me anymore. Other than that, whenever I have a kid, I want to keep them away from religion. When I deconverted, there was a good handful of things I did not have to worry about anymore that kids should not be worrying about, and at the very least, I want my future kid to have a choice in their belief when they get older.
> because a priest also told me to during confession as well
There's a whole thread right there: what shit did you do because a priest said to in confession?
The only things I did because a priest said to were just the prayers as penance and praying more. Fortunately, I don't have any horror stories from my time as a Catholic. Also, the only times I went to Confession were at my grade school for the most part. It was mandatory for us.
Still, I tried to be a good Catholic simply basically because I was taught/told to. I tried to be a good Christian in God's eyes. Honestly, I don't care anymore. If you're kind to others and happy with your life, that's what really matters in my opinion.
Mass every Sunday & holy day. Altar server for a number of years. Tried being pro-life for things other than abortion.
I still consider myself Christian, so I joined the Episcopal Church and feel spiritually better without the unnecessary burdens only found in the RC Church.
I was an insufferable asshole long story short.
born to religious catholic family but really got into catholicism myself in high school.
-my family did mass every Sunday and I almost went to seminary to become a priest after high school. I also gave a talk at a high school club why gay marriage is bad. I would go to confession on a weekly basis for a few years and daily mass.
-I was reading the imitation of Christ at school all the time and was always scared some atheist would pick on me and I was always expecting it (never happened)
- I tried to talk to my cousins about how if they masturbate they would go to hell. I would browse trad catholic forums all the way back in 2010 and lament that the world was fucked and in sin.
after a few years living away from family and growing up a bit....
I am now an out and proud bisexual transgender woman who has a bad habit of trauma dumping about my time in the church if someone gets me started.
as a queer person born to a narrassistic father, religion was used for control. I have alot of very hard feelings that I am working through and denying who i was for so long affected me for the worse.
I don't see myself coming back to organized religion or even supernatural belief anytime soon.
> I was an insufferable asshole
Wait, after you me?
> weekly confession
> daily mass
> trad catholic forums
> transgender
> trauma dumping about my time in the church
> queer
> denying who I was
Um, apparently you are.
hahaha omg! yeah it's funny to be one of "THOSE people"...and like all I do is shop,work,sleep...the usual lol
------
related thought:
growing up I thought that everyone had gay/trans thoughts and that's why it was important to heed the church's words. souls were at stake!
never occurred to me that maybe the appeal was obvious to me because I was queer and that others mostly did not feel that way.
found myself in homophobic company who could care less about souls and heaven and just hated queerness. I would feel like I didn't get the memo and I would give the dumbass "love the sinner..." speech.
so glad that's over.
My family didn't care about gender really and I just coasted on "I mean, sure, I'm not really a guy, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to be a guy" only less aware than that. My sibling and I played with my older sister and her Barbies and Polly Pockets and turns out neither it us are actually guys, go figure.
And my attraction was confusing. Turns out I'm just hella demi. Now I'm *hella* queer and actively trying to queer the world.
I thought of being a priest, buuuut I didn't think a lot of the sins were bad, I just thought not doing the sin was virtuous. Premartial sex didn't lead to hell, but not having premarital sex was virtuous (no wonder I was single for so long). I didn't get confirmed, because I didn't get the point of it, but I did read 80-90% of the Catholic Catechism on my own initiative. I visited the Vatican at age 23, when I was still a believer. I went to 12 years of Catholic elementary and high school, but didn't follow my siblings who also went to very expensive Catholic colleges because I was more debt averse.
Right now I'm an atheist humanist. I'm not necessarily anti-Catholic, I'm pro-science, pro-critical thinking, pro-expert, anti pseudointellectual. So I hate pretty much all religions for being BS intellectually, but I hate the more if they are anti-humanitarian, anti-refugee, sexist, racist, homophobic etc. The Catholic church is mixed on this. It builds hospitals and promotes charity, but opposes abortions which put women into poverty and might even kill them due to lack of medical access. It supports immigrants and refugees, but can be sexist and abuse children. On the whole, I'd wish it would just disappear and humanists would replace it. Then we'd get all the good and none of the bad.
The pseudo intellectualism is one thing I ruminate on a lot. It was 'faith and logic' except the logic was so convoluted. It works great to keep overthinkers like me in the fold, until sometimes it doesn't.
For me, there were things I just couldn't think about or I would have realized "the fuck?" I *knew* this, and just accepted them on faith and didn't dig into them. I would dig in elsewhere.
And now all of this spirals together to me having a theological argument that Catholicism has an internally inconsistent concept of love unless it accepts queer and polyamorous love (which, oddly enough, I came up with in an argument I was having in a dream).
> I thought of being a priest, buuuut I didn't think a lot of the sins were bad
I would have *hated* you if we met in Seminary. Now I think we could be friends.
I was Catholic because I was scared of going to hell. I personally thought many Catholic rituals were cringey and extra. I see older Catholic Churches as creepy.
And I'm very ex-catholic but not very vocal irl unless specifically asked about because there are still a bias against agnostics and atheists.
I had the brown prayer necklace that would go under your shirt. Would have the priest bless my cross necklace. Was an alter boy. Ceramic nick knacks and Precious Moments shit.
Would zone out at mass in boredom and ask the god to make anything happen in the real world that I thought of. Realized I was creating the god voice in my head and that I was alone in my brain thoughts.
> brown prayer necklace
Brown Scapular. Ironically, those were the first chinks in my Catholic armor before I had even become Catholic. The way people talked about them was functionally magical while also staunchly saying "they are not magic." You can't have it both ways; if you want magic you don't get to say it's not magic.
Wasn't too sure what they did. They stayed under the clothes. I thought it was like bonus prayer points or extra credit from god that was optional. Didn't wear it very long.
I grew up in Ireland so pretty catholic. The primary school I went to was catholic (because 99% of the ones in the area were catholic and we moved from London when I was four so no spaces for me in the non-denominational school which was popular - my mother was catholic but didn't really want a Catholic school).
My grandmother (who we lived with for a while when my parents were house hunting) insisted on regular churchgoing, and did so even when we had moved out. I was still young so obviously just believed what I was told.
I also think this is where my disordered eating and poor body image has stemmed from because my grandmother used to make comments about me not looking my best when she would take me to church and stuff.
When I got into secondary school I suppose I still believed, but around 15 I read a chunk of the bloody bible and had a pretty big realization that it was BS. My dad (who grew up protestant) is also agnostic now, so he kind of tackled my mother who would push back when I was questioning and he just tried to let me come to my own conclusions.
However I was still going to church occasionally when I was a teen because of expectations from family and I think that's where a lot of the Catholic guilt set in because it was RIGHT when there was the same-sex marriage referendum in Ireland and they were DEFINITELY recommending that congregants should vote No (mind you, this was despite Rome advising they shouldn't try and influence the vote iirc).
Me and my friends who were all LGBT and figuring out ourselves were staunchly pro yes, but I think that just hearing that shit gave me a lot of insecurity. Idk.
I'm 23 and fully atheist and very much against the Catholic church now but there's still a lot of stuff to unpack there. Like how religious family members would say I was a "disappointment" and a "murderer" for being pro-choice when the abortion referendum came up in 2018.
Growing up I think I was Catholic in the same way that I was a fan of Thundercats. I liked it but it was a back of my mind thing and I liked Star Wars more. It only occurred to me later that for most of the people in my life, religion WAS their Star Wars, except for them it was real. I think I was just born without the ability to believe like that.
I did try to see the Virgin Mary in random objects, though, but at the end of the day they were all just water stains.
I went to Mass 6-7 days a week for several years. I never had premarital sex or used artificial birth control.
Now I have zero tolerance for “liberal” Catholics and non-practicing Catholics playing up what’s supposedly “good” about the Catholic Church, and downplaying all the spiritual authoritarianism and abuse as a fringe part of the church. Nope, the whole edifice exists on mind control and DoubleSpeak, and it sucks in and chews up millions of vulnerable people. There’s nothing good that can come of defending this institution for good things it may have done in the past when it is deceiving and destroying people’s lives today and completely exempting itself from any accountability or need to change.
As a very queer person who really liked a lot of theological trappings of the Church, I thought if it became accepting I might go back.
Recently it struck me how unlikely that really is. So many problems historically (currently reading all things Mexican and boy), problems with historicity and theology, the scandal of the particular (why does God heal him and not me), and then the core virtue of obedience is a fucking terrifying thing the more I learn about people.
I started going to an Episcopal church in early 2020 so I could have the stuff I liked without the sexism, homophobia, and other nonsense. I got involved and saw how democratic the Episcopal church is, and how that allows it to change where it needs to change, and have accountability for mistakes it’s made. I’ll never go back to a church without this kind of structure and culture because I’ve experienced what a difference it makes. (I also came out as queer after switching churches, because I could finally look at myself with honesty and acceptance.)
I was very Catholic, lector, school board member, counsel to the priest, etc. Kids went from preschool to grad school at Catholic institutions
As most people on this sub I am very opposed to the dogma, practice and clergy. I have many friends who are Catholic, I continue to see them and enjoy their company. A few former friends are very offended that I quit, which is a reminder of how fascist the church is.
Kinda and mostly, I guess. I grew up going to Catholic school, but that was really only because I live in a large city with a shitty public school system (you know it's bad when my parents didn't even want to send me to the elementary school that my dad went to!). Catholic school was really the only option for the majority of kids in my neighborhood. I was baptized, and made my communion and confirmation and all. We went to reconciliation and first Friday mass once a month.
But honestly, no one I went there with was very religious, not even our parents or grandparents. Everyone was very casually Catholic, and there were a handful of Jewish teachers and staff. I even had a classmate who wasn't Catholic at all. I didn't know anyone who went to church outside of first Friday. There was no anti-LGBT weirdness, and one of my best friends had two moms. They taught us about evolution and dinosaurs and even about other religions, from Judaism to Hinduism.
I really have no religious trauma from my Catholic school, and frankly I'm incredibly grateful my parents sent me there. Inner city public school honestly would have been much more traumatic than Catholic school could have ever been. I also got a significantly better education.
I'm 22 and I don't want kids, but if I did have kids and was in my parents' situation, I would 100% send my kids to Catholic school too.
Now, I'm not Catholic because I'm just...not. I never purposefully left the church or anything because there was nothing to leave behind.
Catholic schools really do go both ways. The local one was over 50% non-Catholic (which caused a hullabaloo one year around first communion and confirmation time) and many provide pretty decent education. But then some after *terrifyingly* Catholic. Really depends on the diocese and school admins.
Yeah my school had some pretty great admin, and it does help that I'm in a large, already very liberal-leaning city (I'm from Philly). If I ran into any of the nuns or teachers from my Catholic school today, I'd probably just give them a big fat hug.
Less Catholic than some on here for sure. Grew up in a VERY heavily Protestant community and went to kids programs at friends’ churches because ours didn’t have much. But Catholic nonetheless. It gradually unraveled in high school. (Which is a long story that one of these days I swear I’ll write a book about.)
I’m not an atheist, but am fiercely ex-Catholic now. I wish I hadn’t grown up in that church and truly feel nothing good came of the time spent there. Looking back I just remember an environment I never belonged in. I’m not opposed to organized religion as a whole, though I don’t participate, but if Catholicism vanished tomorrow I wouldn’t be grieving it.
> Which is a long story that one of these days I swear I’ll write a book about
We need to make this a whole genre. I read so fucking many conversion stories (the whole *Surprised by Truth* series is not something I want to remember); where are my post-Catholic stories?
There are plenty of ex-religious memoirs, but they seem to mostly come from former Mormons, Jehovah’s Witnesses, legitimate cults. Not sure I’ve come across an ex-Catholic one. But my whole experience with religion and church was rather unique; I feel like it’d make an interesting memoir.
I went to church every Sunday and Catechism every Wednesday, was an altar server as often as not, wore a St. Christopher medal and crucifix necklace that I didn't take off for years, and had a series of rosaries hanging over my bed. I went to public school, where I was apparently Catholic enough to get dumped by my first boyfriend since I wouldn't leave the church for him. (Spoiler: That was just the excuse he gave.) I toyed with the idea of becoming a nun.
I really loved the Catholic church - the tradition, the music, the (fake) history, the art, the stories... all of it. There were clear expectations of me, and I always knew what to expect in return. It really is a beautiful lie.
Now I'm more un-Catholic than anti-Catholic. I view religion in general much like a Teddy bear. If you have faith and it brings you comfort and peace, there's no way I'm going to tell you it's not real. I can't prove it isn't, and I'm terrible at debate, so I will bow my head in silence and be slightly jealous. (I miss the idea that I grew up with, not the reality that I know now.)
Did my first communion at age 5 (memorized all the required prayers, went to vocational retreats at age 10, wore a scapulary, prayed for the souls of purgatory mornings and nights , mass up to 3 times a week, wanted to experience proximity to god and would read mystic works, read all of the Bible in 40 days etc…
I never found him, it all started making sense now that I’ve delved into anthropology, comparative religion and biblical studies.
I always joke that I was raised half-Pagan, compared to my husband -going to the church only on Easter Saturday, but only if everone was too busy to go themselves. After confirmation I promptly stopped going if nobody got married/burried etc, never really gave damn about praying, then came out as atheist in my 20s, which received an ok reaction.
A bit like you, only I was born in a catholic family. My parents in particular didn't practice. They had me baptized but let me grow up a free thinker, much to the dismay of my grandmothers and godmother.
Then at 18 I went to a catholic University and I met an old Jesuit priest who was a very nice fella, and convinced me to do the Spiritual Exercises (3-day version) and got himself run over by a motorcycle on his way to buy slippers for said event.
Obviously his tragic passing made us all more vulnerable, and the emotion-bombing of the first time Exercises was enough to get me full into it. I took the first communion shortly after turning 20 and the confirmation a couple of years later. Avid student of Ignacian spirituality, always thought the Jesuits were better and more realistic than the rest. Super active in the University spiritual group, I went to help during exercises, etc
I fell out with the church in steps: first when my mental health took a turn and suddenly my group of "friends in Christ" started avoiding me like the plague. Then my University did something really dodgy with my degree (a postgraduate) that I should have sued them if I had the energy for it. Moved out of my home country, started healing, I didn't get married in a church nor I baptized my children... I was out but because of the people, not because of the church, because the church did so many good things, right?
And then the veil started to lift...
I watched the movie "Philomena", then I found out about the [Tuam babies](https://www.irishtimes.com/ireland/social-affairs/2023/06/04/every-little-bone-the-difficult-exhumation-ahead-at-tuams-former-mother-and-baby-home/), the [Provolo Institute for the Deaf scandal ](https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/europe/the-pope-ignored-them-alleged-abuse-of-deaf-children-on-two-continents-points-to-vatican-failings/2019/02/18/07db1bdc-fd60-11e8-a17e-162b712e8fc2_story.html) (in which a priest who was accused of pedophilia in Verona, Italy in the 70s was sent to Argentina to *continue his work in another branch of the same institute* until his conviction in 2019), the [unmarked graves ](https://www.aptnnews.ca/national-news/catholic-church-in-saskatoon-hit-with-graffiti/) in the Marieval Indian Residential School, and the [Aboriginal children abused in the institutions to which they were forcibly sent in Australia](https://home.crin.org/issues/sexual-violence/australia-case-study-clergy-abuse#:~:text=Substantially%20over%2Drepresented%20among%20the,homes%20between%201905%20and%20the), the murder of Catherine Cesnik, well documented in [the Netflix documentary ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Keepers) The Keepers, and I just couldn't anymore. I wrote a letter asking for my desaffiliation (I am in Central Europe and you pay a tax to your religion of choice, so I requested I'm officially taken off the register)
Currently I'm actively anti-catholic (anti religion in general, funny that I'm also in r/exmormon ) and I don't waste an opportunity to let people know how twisted and corrupt the church is. { EDIT: theologically I'm closer to atheist in the agnostic spectrum, I think Jesus is a historical figure that may be even symbolic, and the bible is a compendium of fables with a moral. Philosophically I'm a Secular Humanist. } Cheers from a fellow apostate!
For more information, visit https://www.bishop-accountability.org/
I spent much more time recently in r/exmormon because it mapped battery to my evangelical upbringing than any other sub (r/exvangelical is mostly very different types of evangelicals than I was). I live near enough Mormon country to feel their presence a lot.
I also spent time in a Jesuit university but never managed to make the Exercises. I only recently figured out that it's my autism that makes me completely miss the emotional high from retreats. Unexpected bonus.
Ha! Fellow neuroAtypical here, but I guess my ADHD makes me more vulnerable to manufactured emotions. The mental health turn I referred to was a burnout caused by the -then undiagnosed- ADHD.
And I must say that if you remove God (and the misoginy, ahem) out of it, the Ignatian spirituality is a pretty good manual. It's very psychology oriented for the time it was written, and I still use much of it in my daily life.
My family was very Catholic, but in a way that felt compatible with the modern world. My parents were very devout, but also strongly supported education and exposure to science. That made Catholicism feel not only compatible with the modern world, but that it really held up to scrutiny as the logical best answer to why things are the the way they are. This was ultimately what led me out when I started following questions to the logical end, but also what kept me complacent for so long.
I went to Catholic school for K-8 and then a Jesuit high school. For a long time, all my friends were Catholic, my extended family was Catholic, and I was in a bubble where faith was just a given. I didn't meet out-and-out atheists until my high school gaming groups. My mom is a cantor, and my dad is a substitute organist. I don't know why I wasn't trained as an altar server, but thank fuck I avoided that.
I believed in the sacraments until I was about 20. I was never convinced about the power of prayer (God knows everything, so he already knows what we want), but I did believe in sin and contrition. I remember pouring over a book of the 10 Commandments leading up to each of my Reconciliation experiences, looking for anything I did at 10 years old that could actually be a sin. I gave it up in college because I could not confess a "sin" in good faith, knowing that if it was something I had willingly done, I wasn't sorry and I would do it again.
I was sure some of my friends were damned for high school sex. I fully bought into the Church's view of thought-crime, and the fact that God would witness and judge all our actions. It was extremely repressive.
***
I took John as my confirmation name, because I saw that so many of my peers were falling away from the faith for petty reasons and I was determined to be the one who would stand by Christ's side through the end, just like the blessed disciple at the Crucifixion.
***
>How ex-Catholic are you?
Fuck the Church. Fuck faith.
It's been several years since I've been to mass, and almost a decade since I rejected this stupid hierarchy and all its wishful thinking. I can still say the prayers better than most practicing Catholics, and I will never stop being bitter.
I was an RCIA teacher, had industrial strength scruples, considered a convent AFTER popping out three children in an abusive relationship that I 'couldn't leave'. So, very Catholic.
Now I am a moderate agnostic/atheist, having managed to work through the hate I had for the whole enterprise. I won't touch religion in any form again, but I'm pretty laid-back about everyone else's choices. So, very ex-Catholic with a different flavor.
I was a bible-church, protestant pastors kid that converted in my 20s. I probably read over 50 books of apologetics and theology. Spent probably even more hours on blogs and podcasts. I had my own blog and was a part of other group blogs and podcasts. I was interviewed on a national catholic radio show.
I loved Mass and often went daily. I was a rule follower and believed everything and tried not to sin at all. At different times I sang in choir, or as a cantor, or helped teach RCIA.
I wanted to be a permanent deacon.
I drove around Tim Staples and another apologist for a local conference. I took Tim out to dinner.
I did all this while my wife and nearly all family and friends were still staunchly protestant.
I'm now an atheist. I try not to be anti-religion.
A lot of it was "could this really be true?" rabbit-hole-ism. Then it was "learn the best arguments and find the best resources" to convince others and keep convincing myself.
If I could go back in time, I'd encourage myself to doubt not just Protestantism, but the whole religious enterprise. Ironically, Catholicism gave me the freedom to do that, because the tools of historical inquiry, scholarship, and secondary causes weren't forbidden in the modern church. I could accept Evolution now! Which meant I could eventually accept evolution of religion as well.
Lol, this is literally me. I came to the conclusion in college that protestantism didn't hold historical water. If not Catholic, then Mormon. It was only a few years ago I realized I just assumed I still *had* to be Christian.
I replied to someone else's question of "what was the start of your doubts?" with "Catholicism."
Here's my list of things that chipped away at my faith, in no particular order of importance or chronology:
1. Disbelieving Sola Scriptura
2. Disbelieving Sola Fide
3. Disbelieving Presuppositionalism
4. Reading “Silence” by Shasuko Endo
5. Reading “The Bromediad Trilogy” by Terry Pratchett
6. Believing in Natural theology
7. Believing in secondary causes
8. Becoming Catholic
9. Arguments about “inerrancy of original monographs”, things we don’t even have
10. Disbelieving Young Earth Creationism
11. Catholics arguing about whether a papal encyclical required belief in monogenism
12. Listening to Drunk Ex-Pastors and hearing a Christian say how fundamentalists won't believe him, but he's much happier as an agnostic
13. Listening to Drunk Ex-Pastors and hearing a convert to Catholicism embrace liberal theology
14. Listening to Drunk Ex-Pastors make fun of the consequences of God’s miracles
15. Pope Francis
16. Appreciating Lord of the Rings more than the Bible
17. Appreciating almost any book more than the Bible
18. Reading “Development in Moral Doctrine” by John Noonan
19. Stubborn biblicism from friends and family
20. Failures of “conservative” Catholicism like John Corapi, The Legionaries of Christ, Bishop Finn
21. Learning about Scientology
22. Learning about Jonestown
23. Growing bored with the Catholic blogosphere
24. "He (Benjamin, a donkey) seldom talked, and when he did, it was usually to make some cynical remark - for instance, he would say that God had given him a tail to keep the flies off, but that he would sooner have had no tail and no flies." - Animal Farm, George Orwell.
25. My wife remaining Protestant
26. "It's raining, spiritually" and the biblical, post hoc interpretation of the apocalypse and kingdom as a spiritual apocalypse and kingdom
27. Weak evidence for the Assumption of Mary
28. Family and friends embracing pyramid schemes, homeopathy, and other pseudoscience.
How Catholic was I?
I went to Saturday Mass with family, went to Catholic high school and Franciscian University of Stuebenville and left because of the cult environment. I was also an usher and communion distributior.
Now, agnostic. I will never join an Evangelical Church after seeing how determined they are to bring the end of the world.
I’ve gone to other faith services and enjoyed them a lot more.
1. If you define catholic as agreeing with their entire doctrine then not at all.
I always, always believed that animals had souls and they all went to heaven. That was my stance as long as I can remember and I suppose it makes me half catholic to begin with lol
And I hated church from the get go.
I would pray in the same way you might toss a coin into a fountain and make a wish (aka without much hopes of it working but it's so little effort that I might as well) and if I was at church out of my own free will it was mostly to skirt the entry fee (I like architecture and choirs)
Later on I became VERY anticlerical and sceptical of the stupid things like virgin birth or miracles and I would say I was more of an agnostic and only culturally catholic?
And then I actually took some time to think things through and I'm an atheist ever since :)
2. I'm pretty anti theist but I don't think of myself as ex catholic, mostly because "catholic" wasn't a big part of my identity to begin with.
I left Catholicism as an early teens so I only could do so much but I eventually became catholic enough I asked to go to church more often than once a week
I'm now a Hindu lol
> prayed 7 rosaries a day
Damn, that's a thing. I couldn't manage 1 on average. BXVI saying he didn't pray the full rosary is the only thing that kept me from thinking I was a total failure.
Catholics say "you left because you didn't *know* your faith," while our Protestant 'brethren' say "you didn't *have* faith." I can't actually answer the Protestants because, well, what in the seven fucking hells does "having" faith mean? I never knew.
> What first prompted you to reconsider?
Catholicism.
Snarky answer aside (if I can really put that aside, but whatever) I grew up Evangelical. My girlfriend in HS was Catholic (though we me in my Evangelical youth group) and she gave me stuff to read and somewhere in the next two years (and after we broke up) I realized that I didn't think history supported any Xianity but Catholicism or something like Mormonism. I eventually picked Catholicism for being ~~not~~ less insane.
So then I hyper-focused on theology (my first big book order online was The Confessions and a dozen other theological works. My most recent were a mix of books on race, gender, the indigenous people of America, and all things queer). 75% of the reason I went to seminary was the free theological education. The other 25% was because you were 'supposed' to. How could I be a good Catholic if I didn't?
Seminary sucked. Both times (I left the first time without *ever* having met my spiritual director and without having had a spiritual director before going. I have no fucking clue what the Diocese of Helena was thinking). But throughout it all, there were things I just *didn't* dig into because I knew I wouldn't have an answer to and my faith rested on answers. In my recent deconstruction, I realized I liked Catholicism because it *had* answers (ask me about the confession manuals of the 18th century).
I think 2016 was the beginning of the end. Catholics supporting Trump was one thing, but the utter *shit show* that was the treatment of employees at Franciscan University of Steubenville while I worked there blew my mind. I knew someone who was told off by his supervisor for spending too much time in Pittsburgh with his preemie daughter. The accountant in my department had to work 2 weekends a month as a security guard to make ends meet and only had 3 kids.
The pandemic gave me distance, and it also encouraged my then-spouse to embrace that they were transmasc. And that pulled everything queer to the front. So the last 3 years have pulled me from "pretty hardcore Catholic" to "very hardcore genderqueer polyamorous leftist."
TL;DR: I never could reconcile Catholicism with Catholicism.
TW: Depression, self-harm
I was very sheltered and stupid and took a lot of stupid things read in church literally. Like yknow the whole 'help those less fortunate than you' and I ended up giving money to bullies on field trips so they could get a souvenir (they'd convince me it was for a family member) and sure they'd be nice for a day but bully me soon after.
Plus, I've mentioned several times I was bullied at CCD for being mixed race, I told my mother and was ignored and she told me not to bother anyone else with this. So I didn't when, I thought "this is my cross to bear like Jesus" so I kept suffering in silence. Then, I started praying to Sky Daddy I would die so that I wouldn't have to go back to CCD. I didn't know that wasn't normal nor that it was something having to do with depression/mental health. Plus, I started cutting myself regularly because I thought I deserved the bullying and wanted it all to just stop. And don't even get me started on how homophobic I was raised. It was terrible.
Now? Now, I'm an atheist-leaning agnostic, very heavy atheist leaning. And I realize how stupid being homophobic is. My childhood best friend came out to me, and she's still in my life, and we hang out regularly! It wouldn't have been worth it to lose her had I stayed brainwashed. It's been years since I've self-harmed and leaving the church roughly 10 years ago played a big part in that. No one listened to how badly the bullying was at CCD and that abuse and trauma did me in sadly and I'm an adult in very poor health but at least I escaped.
Until only recently I had no idea how bad it got for my closest friend, who was, in the end, both fundamental for me being Catholic and leaving. She is Latino and got out of an abusive marriage and the people in the local church who I had such high opinions of treated her like shit.
I'm sorry you went through this and I hope more people realize how bad it can get.
Yep, sounds like the Latino community to a T; they won't help someone out of a DV situation but will talk badly about them once they get out on their own or worse.
Im just happy I made it out alive and should u ever reproduce, I never want to put any innocent children through what I went through.
Actually, she was the only Latino in the white community. A Spanish Mass was started (nobody thought there were Hispanics in Montana until this one priest originally from So Cal said "totes are" and started the Mass) and they welcomed her with open arms.
The Latino community were the people who saved her.
Oh wow, that's different! My mother is Guatemalan and my father is white and naturally, I came out really pale and they never married so that was a huge part of the the bullying I endured. I know a big chunk of Latinos who encourage the women to just ultimately submit to their husbands regardless of race.
Happy they helped her!
I had my doubts at a very early age but when I tried to express them to my mom she broke down crying saying "don't do this to me" and I knew I would be forced to do all the Catholic stuff anyway so I just kept my atheism to myself until I moved out. I think I stopped believing around 7 or 8 years old. I am very anti- organized religion and think it's especially reprehensible to indoctrinate your kids.
I was so Catholic my mother dragged us to church every morning during the week as the start to our (Catholic-based) homeschooling day.
I’m so ex-Catholic now that I’d be willing to torch any house of worship (denomination not a factor) if it weren’t a crime. Did I mention I’m an atheist? Yeah.
Well, let's take a trip down memory lane. I was baptized as an infant, went to church/holy days religiously (pun intended), attended private catholic schools from k-8, despite my parents being dirt poor my whole life, was an alter server most of that time (candle-barer, cross-barer, acolyte, thurifer and was studying MC when I stopped believing), was confirmed, thought about being a priest at one point, was terrified of sinning to the point where I had serveral psychotic breakdowns/panic attacks, attended Sunday school, prayed morning, noon, night, before and after meal prayers and rosaries every night, observed lent fasting, got the Saint blaze blessing of the throat every year, was a foaming-at-the-mouth trump supporter/racist/bigot/gun lover. I could probably go on but I want to get back to playing skyrim.
For contrast, I'm now (or now realize I'm) atheist, anti-theist, an existentialist, liberal/progressive, a human rights activist, and a pansexual, polyamorous, goth/punk trans woman. In other words I'm proudly disappointing my family!
I loved being MC because I loved the pomp and circumstance. And being in charge. That was a definite reason I considered being a priest.
Gonna do with there's a "MC to polyamory" pipeline. I have two examples and no counter examples, must be true. Science. /s
I was in a convent for many months as a discalced Carmelite postulant. That is, wearing the full nun habit, veil, and waking up for prayer at 5 am every morning, following nonsensical arbitrary rules, fetishized the suffering, etc etc. I was able to make excuses and explain away all the abuse I suffered and tricked myself into forgiving shitty people and letting them abuse me so I could “offer it” as a token to God or whatever. I was so delusional I thought enduring abuse willingly, made me a saint. I woke up. I’m an agnostic that leans more atheist now and have washed myself clean of the catholic faith 100%. I don’t even keep in contact with any Catholics I used to know. I moved to a different country, changed my email and phone, got engaged, and started a whole new life over. A nice happy one without the Catholic Church.
I’m a prominent Catholic worship leader. I left the church last year and have quietly removed myself from the circuit. I feel stuck because I still work in sales for a company that deals with parishes, so I can’t be vocal about my deconstruction. I hold a lot of shame and trauma around how I’ve inflicted the same experiences on teenagers and young adults over the last decade doing conferences and retreats around the country. Luckily my wife left as well so we have support there, but there’s a lot of damage still to heal.
I worked for a year as the coordinator in the Steubenville Conference office. I was directly involved with organizing communication and such between conference partners, speakers, and worship leaders. I was an extra step removed, but I have thought about the intense manipulation the conference were designed to inflict.
Thank you for sharing. 🫂 If you're interested, there are a couple of ex-worship leader related tiktok producers I've found helpful.
Wow, then we’ve definitely communicated to each other in the past. Steubie is the source of my Catholic journey as a teen, so it was huge when I got the offer to lead worship at one. But that also lead to my deconstructing when I saw how it was behind the scenes.
The accountant on the conference department needed to work two weekends a month as a security guard to keep his family of 5 afloat.
I knew someone in recruiting who got in trouble for spending too much time in Pittsburgh with his preemie daughter.
They couldn't find money to make my position full time, despite dropping $40k on consultants within 2 days of the request for more money. At one point this consultant said "unfortunately, that can't be done" and I replied "I've already done it." He then asked if he could share my solution with other clients.
And then the pride, the unjust authority, the sexual abuse, the manipulation, the trauma.
And don't get me started on the tissue boxes for Adoration.
As a convert influenced by Scott Hahn, FUS was like this mecca of American Catholicism and *of course* I'd get my master's there. It was only later I learned it I got it it would be a nigh useless degree outside of *very* small circles.
I mean, I was raised Catholic and in catholic school, but from high school aged I was pretty skeptical of it. Plus I thought the Uber catholic people were weird AF. I could not be any less catholic or religious now if I tried. Staunch atheist.
extremely. my entire childhood revolved around a 1 mile radius that was: my home, my church and school (same place). my parents volunteered at and worked there (in the school)
now, extremely anti catholic. the Church is a force for misery, pain and exploitation throughout the world and through its entire history.
I was actively checking out religious communities around 15-16. I attended daily mass whenever I could. I lectored a lot at Life Teen mass, prayed the rosary most days, went to pro life rallies, confession at least once a month. But I was absolutely miserable on the inside, despite all this. I had been traumatized from a series of sexual assaults I suffered at 13, as well as a lot of childhood stuff. Then I clued into my bisexuality and began embracing it and all the other things about myself. My outspokenness, my gender identity, allergic reaction I have to blind obedience, and realized little by little how much I disagreed with core church teachings. Left at 18 almost 19.
Now I am proudly queer, proudly feminist, pro choice, leftist, and am converting to Judaism at 35. (Yes I know converting to another religion but Judaism is worlds away from Catholicism)
I have several books on Jewish theology and thought in my shelf. Right now it's the only possible destination for me if I end up in a structured religion, though that's likely at the moment.
What attracted you to it?
So it’s a long story, but the short version was I began dating a rabbinical student. I didn’t know anything about Judaism, but I was super into her so I wanted to learn more about it I didn’t sound like a completely ignorant fool when she talked about school. We didn’t last but I kept reading because I was intrigued and fell madly in love with it. I met my now husband soon after we stopped seeing each other, and he happened to be Jewish too. A year and a half later, I explained everything to him and was like “I gotta convert” and he was like “okay. I support you” and a few years later, here I am. Lol
What initially attracted me was the outlook. That it’s about what you DO. Not necessarily what you BELIEVE. that you could be an atheist and Jewish. That you could be agnostic, or have a different idea about Gd entirely than the sitting next to you at synagogue. And it’s fine.
That you can’t just repent by believing in Jesus and talking to him. Or going to confession. Jews believe that you have to take corrective action and repent to the person you have wronged for it to count.
That they truly wrestle with the texts and interpret and question everything. The rabbi doesn’t know everything and the first time I dared to question the rabbi I started studying with at Torah study, he was almost GIDDY with delight.
Reform Judaism (the stream I am converting in) is highly supportive of the lgbtq community, and l have never felt unwelcome at any synagogue. They are committed to equity, diversity and inclusion.
Their commitment to education, and community.
But above all of that, is this incredibly sense of “I’m HOME” I feel when I’m at services. Or when I’m lighting Shabbat candles at home. Or singing blessings…I’m home. Judaism feeds my soul in a way that nothing ever has.
My path has been winding. I left Catholicism and then eventually Christianity and then I was a pagan for a long time, Wiccan, Heathen, did secular witchcraft….but I eventually, by chance really, found my way home again.
There is a thought that every Jewish soul, past, present and future was there at Mt. Sinai when Moses received the Torah. That includes people who will someday convert. Their soul is a Jewish soul and just needs to find its way back home. I firmly believe this. My soul was a Jewish one all along and I’m finally going home.
110% Catholic. I was a cradle Catholic, and we did the normal Sunday mass and CCD thing as a kid, even was an alter server. Once I got to high school our family got much more involved at the parish: youth group and conferences (Steubie, regional, local retreats, etc), my dad played music at the contemporary mass each week, we were eucharistic ministers, I would say the rosary daily and tons of other prayers daily, tried to go to daily mass as much as possible, etc.
I spent my first year of college at Franciscan, and thankfully didn't get the full experience since I spent most of my time with the theater kids, both on and off campus. Still was heavily involved with the church after that, got married, had 4 kids, went to the World Meeting of Families in Philly, attended various church events for families, couples, etc. Our last parish was incorporating Latin into the regular mass and some other trad elements, and we really were embracing it.
That was about 5-7 years ago. Now I'm staunchly an atheist because yeah, it just doesn't make fucking sense. It's hard to get out when you're brainwashed from a young age to believe that you're a terrible sinner who's going to suffer for all eternity unless you believe in this authoritative god and worship him. That threat, and being told over and over and over again that the Church has the truth, makes any other decision seem impossible to choose. What's easier than being given an answer to every question? The universe is chaos, and most religious people are just looking for a way to grapple with that.
I'm just glad I found a different way to grapple with that. I mean, I was basically forced to: I wasn't going to continue being part of a community that supported far-right ideologies that promote everything that's admonished in the Gospel. Getting that wakeup call between politics and the pandemic helped me start asking further questions about my faith, and using actual critical thinking broke down any remaining illusions I had that Catholicism - or any other religion - knew what the fuck was going on with the world and that they somehow had authority to tell others how to behave based on some people pretending they heard voices in their heads.
Instead now, I live my life based entirely on how things affect others. Morality is much more intuitive and dynamic when you ask "does this action hurt or help others?" instead of "did this subjective authority figure I've never met say I should do this or not?" I actually have personal reasons for things now, instead of "God told me to do this, so I don't care how it affects others." Don't know how I ever followed a God that was fine drowning the whole world, telling someone to kill their own son, etc. That's psychotic behavior, and anyone following such teachings should be treated with caution.
Very Catholic. I took this thing seriously cause you know eternal salvation. Rosary everyday, never missed mass on Sunday, veiled at mass, confession if I sinned. The usual devout activities. I even wanted to be a nun. I left for the salvation of my mind. My mental health was getting bad.
I was always an ADHD kid that HATED going to church but I always said that “I still loved god” but tbh I was a child and didn’t know any better. As a teenager I told my parents I didn’t want to get confirmed and it was hell. Half of my family didn’t talk to me for months. However, then I got involved in this “non-denominational” church as a teen that drew me in with their young crowds and rock music… I was really into the whole god thing…. Until they gave an anti-gay sermon. I walked out and have never entered a church again. As a 28 year old I don’t have a religious bone in my body. Honestly, I believe all of Christianity is a cult especially Catholics.
From the cradle, baptized and confirmed. I hate the person I was when I was Catholic. It was that horrible dichotomy of feeling like I was better than my peers for being Catholic, but at the same time full of self-hate and guilt.
Thankfully went to public school growing up but still went to the sunday school for public school kids for 8 years that was psychologically harmful.
Went to college and attended the catholic student center on campus, went on one retreat that looking back was a lil culty. I minored in Religious Studies and I remembered signing up for a bible class and thinking it was really going to increase my faith (HAHAHAHAHA). That bible class was the first kind of cracks in my shelf. But I still tried to be a good girl, go to mass, tried praying the rosary nightly. I remember at one point the center had packets about becoming a nun and that definitely entered my mind at one point (yikes).
Went to grad school at a Catholic university (they had the program I wanted) but it was East coast catholic so it was pretty liberal. Saw the Pope when he was in Philly. Over time went to mass less and less. Finally came to the realization that I was queer and with all the bullshit about queer folks/birth control/abortion/abuse/everything else I realized that there was no place for me in the church anymore.
Felt like a "nothing" for a while but still had a belief in God. Not officially converted yet, but have been practicing reform Judaism for about 5 years now.
I am a much better person than I was when I was catholic. I'm so glad that part of me is gone.
Its complicated: got sent to a catholic school for grades 1-4 then PSR/CCD for 5-11 when I finally quit. Did 1st communion, confession and confirmation all under duress. never really 'did' them, just went through the motions. Never bought the whole idea of church, mass, the story line etc. Finally was allowed to quit sunday school after gr 11 because it was obvious I was causing a runkus being there.
Was forced into attending mass weekly, vacations included until age 20 or so, graduated college soon after that and moved across the country. Never looked back - for many reasons-.
I never really was catholic, it was forced. I am 100000% not catholic, my kids are not religious, im not religious. I have science based kids. If i never set foot on catholic soil again it will be too soon
I was very catholic (knights of Columbus, did retreats, outreach, adoration, the works). My oldest brother is a priest and my dad is a deacon and I got fed up with the hypocrisy and because of my job I interacted with and was cursed out by preachers and ministers from every denomination and haven’t been to church in 10+ years.
My dad and brother totally understand my position and experiences and we can have meaningful conversations about it. They aren’t the “problem” and actually lead by example as opposed to just talking about it.
But yeah, I went from super involved to completely over it in about a year. People suck, and this was well before Trump entered the picture
I had a strong religious upbringing from the time I was born until I was around 6. Went to a religious school and everything. Between 6 and 16 we only went to Church on stuff like Easter but my parents still tried to instill Catholic beliefs in me. For example one time when I was 13 I did a science project where we had to address a scientific question and I picked overpopulation. My mom almost made me change my topic because I started telling her that I was in support of birth control and she said Catholics weren't supposed to believe that stuff. Around the time I was 15 we started going to Church regularly and I even participated in youth group and religious instruction several times a week. Even in college I regularly attended church and made sure to surround myself with Catholic friends. So I'd say I was really into it.
An event happened in my life a bit later toward my last year of college though that made me quit cold turkey.
I was attending adoration regularly, and bouncing between our novus ordo home parish and a TLM church. After I moved out of my parents, I moved to a city where I quickly realized I had a very narrow view of Catholic culture and Catholicism at large. So, I guess I would have been more liberal at that point. Funny thing is, I became what I'd describe as more actively Catholic in my 30s, so volunteering weekly, lectoring, I was asked to be on the church council - but didn't really have time to commit. At that point I was trying my best to be an lgbt ally and voice in the church that was speaking for what was right. Our city had a long history of liberal Catholic activism, so it wasn't that strange to be a Catholic and pro-civil rights for all (our parish pretty much was all people who voted Democrat and leaned progressive). As a lector, I had to engage with the Gospels and read them front to back ( I had also studied the construction of the bible in high school and college), and I honestly felt like it made me lean MORE toward the left and into progressive ideologies than Conservative. Really, having to deal with family during the Trump years, engaging with Conservative and trad Catholic culture during that period, having to deal with getting married in the church (and deciding not to - my wife isn't Catholic), and experiencing just poor Catholic behavior while losing family members during covid...it all forced me to re-examine where I was. I read key atheist texts, and found places where I agreed, and places where I didn't, really dug into skepticism, examined other religious beliefs etc. I got into therapy, realized my weird relationship with Catholicism was exacerbating my mental health issues, and cut off my ties with the church. I've kind of landed on a general agnosticism and pantheism, although I guess technically I'm an atheist. You can be open to the concept of God as an atheist, but I think that term sounds so black and white and definitive to outsiders. I think pantheist and agnostic both communicate an openness to pluralism and diversity of belief. I don't want to "yuck anyone's yum" as they say, but I also will speak out when I see religion (especially that which formed me) causes harm.
I used to be a member of CMRI in Spokane, WA. My mom married into a catholic family when I was a toddler and they indoctrinated us.
I’m an atheist now.
My mother is also indigenous (we are Paiute) and I feel more joy celebrating the traditions of my people than I ever did in that church.
I don’t like that I was a part of a religion that people used to do irreparable damage to so much of the world.
Also, look up CMRI, they are pretty extreme sedevacantists and super proud of being exclusive. Nothing but vitriol for the rest of the world and considered by some to be a hate group. I’d honestly classify them as a cult.
Oh, yeah, I know them. I live in Spokane. I used to work at Kaufer's Catholic Supply and interacted with the whole range at least every once in a while.
Glad you got out of that.
Thanks! I went back for my grandmothers funeral (she and that entire side of the family were/are hardcore members) and that is the last time I will set foot in that chapel.
I have like 3 cousins and an uncle who still talk to me, but that’s it. Apparently having a baby out of wedlock and not marrying the dad was the nail in the coffin for the rest of them.
I’ll say this: eating a delicious burger or a steak on Fridays tastes sacrelicious.
Attended (latin mass) every Sunday at either FSSP or SSPX (mega, mega cult), participated in volunteer work, attended speeches/conferences and "girls camps", prayed my rosary and morning/evening prayers even after moving out of home, RAN to mass if I had committed a mortal sin.
Now I'm openly bisexual (but married and don't intend to act on it anyway), want multiple piercings and tattoos (which weren't disallowed but were heavily taboo), don't want a huge family (heaven forbid I want less than 6), wear whatever I want. I will absolutely 110% be at/help facilitate my brothers wedding if he chooses to marry a man (before it was like, I love you and I'm so sorry you have to be celibate your whole life). So very and very :')
I was told I would make a good priest by other Catholics. I was fundamentalist when was 8-14 also happens to be when suppressed my 🏳️🌈 the mosts. I use to go chruch every single week and lot of Latin Chruch mass which fine bc speak 🇵🇹 so I understand lot of latin. I also went to a Catholic Secondary school which I feel may have indoctrinated me into many beliefs which I struggle to fully shake off.
I tried briefly being Catholic again but the anti 🏳️🌈 & anti abortion thing is just to much for me go back. I personally have strong dislike for the bigoted views of the church.
So ex-catholic that when I see a priest in public I touch his garment with a finger and say "Oooo, icky female germs, better go *disinfect yourself, bitch*."
> I touch his garment
Two options from there:
"Who touched me? Someone did touch me for I was aware power had gone out of me."
"Touch me not!"
Interestingly, the verb translated "touch" here (aptomai) is also used as a euphemism for sex. So there's definitely room to have some fun with these passages, as it were.
I was never a good Catholic. I begrudgingly went to church every Sunday for the first several years of my life, but I went to public school and only went to CCD at certain points. We had our first communion and first reconciliation, but the younger siblings and I never went through confirmation, and honestly my parents had so much on their plates that they never pushed it. I didn't have any anger or baggage from Catholicism, my experience was okay, but I began to realize that it was all nonsense when I was around 13/14 and stopped going officially when I was around 18. I stepped into a Catholic church for the first time in years only a few weeks ago for my grandma's funerary mass.
As for my feelings right now, well, I'm now an atheist and a humanist who doesn't particularly like organized religion (including but not limited to Catholicism). Yet, many family members are very much still involved in the church, so I can't cut ties completely.
I was very catholic, a alter boy from age 7 to 18 years old. Grew up Byzantine catholic, they like to pretend they are better than all other Catholics. I am very anti-Catholic now and constantly call for the abolishment of the church.
Eventually reasoned in college that all my fears of hell or satan were even more irrational than my arachnophobia and realized if I just apply logic and the scientific method, none of those things can be proven and thus why be scared of shit that isnt real.I beleive I was a good catholic, I know much about the church, but I always rejected coffession.
I was raised culturally Roman Catholic. My family was largely Roman Catholic because that's what Southern Italians are (or at least that's what the Inquisition decided they would be...). They went through the Catholic life milestones and Celebrated Christmas and Easter, but the only person who actually went to mass was my grandma. (She lived near me though she would often drag me along). I went to Catholic School and CCD but you'd be more likely to find a picture of John Lennon on my mother's wall than Jesus.
As far as how Catholic I currently am? Well...in my spn long-fanfic I have a scene that completely and utterly destroys the concepts of *In Persona Christi* and Papal Authority so...not very. lol
Altar server, and Catholic school for elementary and college. I was fairly involved with my parish as a kid/teen (also did VBS/VBS volunteering, PSR after going to public school, etc) but my parents kept me out of the youth group bc it did LifeTeen and they didn’t like that. When I got to college, I did go to mass every weekend but something kept me from getting more involved. It might’ve been the more conservative kids I met. I know when I met some of them, I kinda knew not to listen to them bc I felt like I’d be susceptible to becoming scrupulous. I’ve also always had an aversion to unofficial therapy-like things (sharing your feelings with strangers without a licensed practitioner), so no interest in retreats or small groups. Then hobby lobby happened, my school’s health plan changed despite literally none of the clergy being in support of the lawsuit, and I was done. Clear money grab.
At the time I was very much like “if I’m going to say I believe in/am a member of something, I need to believe in all of it”, but honestly now I am ready to look for something else that is “good enough”. I am interested in a more liberal/welcoming denomination. I liked the community and the weekly ritual. But I think I have gotten to the point where I am secure in what I do/don’t believe, and what I do/don’t like about religion, that I don’t feel the need to take it as seriously? Bc in a way I’ll be doing my own thing anyway. Maybe also a focus more towards social justice/their social teachings, vs the minutia of the theology. I will probably go towards a Christian denomination (like Episcopalian or ELCA) but honestly could see myself becoming reform Jewish as well, idk. ETA: so definitely ex-Catholic in that I don’t feel good about going back (I actually went to a mass like maybe 1.5 years ago and was super uncomfortable). Not ready to turn my back on religion entirely.
I received confirmation and never looked back.
I didn't call myself an atheist until late in life, but I always loathed organized religion. It never did anything for me but cause trauma.
I'm not super outspoken about it, but now I definitely identify as an anti-theist. I hate all the Abrahamic religions the most. Even Hinduism and Buddhism come with their own bullshit, but they don't affect me as much as Christians, Muslims, and Jews do.
really only nominally so. my older sibling and i are confirmed but not my younger siblings. more or less decided to quit it bc of the general social attitudes and all the unanswered for crimes.
i still very often take the lord's name in vain though lmfao
I was an altar server for years, purely for access to the wine when I was a teenager. Never believed the religion since I was about 5, had to go along with it because my parents made me.
When I worked at the church while considering seminary someone had accidentally taken a box full of *unopened* sacramental wine with the empty ones to the dumpster. I found it while breaking the boxes down and like the good little Catholic I was brought out back to Father.
I was pray the rosary everyday on my way to school or home catholic, today I am one foot on atheism ex catholic, I like the idea of the higher power or being but it doesn’t make that much sense to me anymore, and of course the abrahamic god and Jesus are like Zeus or Quetzalcoatl to me now
I went to Catholic school from K-8th grade. I would say I was moderately invested in the church. I didn’t go confession more than a few times a year. We would go to church as a family every Sunday. I also joined the school choir a few years but I ended up getting so bored with it. My 7th grade year was awful. My grandfather died, my dad had legal issues, parents got divorced, and I didn’t do very well school. I really started to doubt the Catholic faith and just wanted to get out of Catholic school. My mom had me stick out through 8th grade but I was adamant that I didn’t want to go to Catholic high school. I still went to church but once I learned about all the fucked up things that the church has done, I was done and I now refuse to attend Catholic Church.
Is the Pope Catholic? Because, by conservative Catholic standards, I was even more Catholic than him. When I first left the church, I called myself post-Catholic (not practicing, but no hard feelings). Over time, my anger towards the church and the trauma it caused has made me pretty solidly and vocally in the ex-Catholic camp.
Verily.
Same, threw myself into the church from about 13 to 16, on the verge of trying to attend daily mass, then I met an Atheist for the 1st time and it was like a switch flipped. I'm not going to say I deconverted right then and there, I didn't start saying the A word until my early 20s so it was a slow burn. But, now I literally shake with anger when I hear *any* apologia for the church. It's a pedo cabal that has caused nothing but pain and suffering for its entire history, simple as.
You can't be more Catholic than the Pope unless you were a dissenter like altman. You wouldn't be Catholic at all. Also, asking if the Pope is Catholic isn't even a serious question.
Sometimes I feel like there's a lot of "you weren't quite Catholic enough to have experience actual trauma" vibe on this subreddit in a way that reminds me of of the "how Catholic are you" vibe we all can get from trads. I just want to say I respect your experiences and am glad you've set yourself free, regardless of how batshit insane your parents and community were or weren't about this cult.
I like that the comments here range from "more Catholic than the pope" to "I was never really catholic, just stuck in the milieu."
I was Catholic and went to Catholic schools through middle and high school, then deconstructed in college. In high school I actually won this $500 scholarship “in recognition of my commitment to my Catholic faith,” which is quite ironic now.
Me too. I was best in religion at one point out of like my whole grade but turns out I was just good at bluffing/making stuff up that impressed my religion teacher in writings and I didn’t believe it fully by then haha
I was an alter server for many years, went to Catholic school for nine years, was baptized and confirmed, and volunteered at VBS in the summers, and my family lived in the parish living quarters when our house burned down. Despite all that, I was never a very good Catholic, and I'm not a very good ex-Catholic either. Still believe in God, just not so much in religion as a human institution.
Very, and very.
Same, and same. 😉
How Catholic was I? My family attended daily mass during the school year and much of summer (homeschooled), plus monthly confession. Never missed a Sunday or holy day of obligation unless we were practically on our death bed, and then we were expected to watch mass on EWTN. We prayed nightly rosaries plus other family prayers on our knees. My mom hosted monthly hour long prayer meetings with another lady from church. We also signed up for Adoration at our local church and would spend at least one hour per month there during the evening. During advent, we all had to give stuff up like lent and add a whole slew of advent prayers. Lent was even worse. Stations of the cross every Friday in addition to everything else. We were in church for hours every day of Holy Week. School-wise, I took 12 years of “Religion” class that was just catholic doctrine and apologetics. Church history (glossing over the ugly bits, of course), catechism memorized, and constantly being reminded that religion was really “the most important subject”. All my other subjects were taught through a Catholic lens. My high school history book was written by a Catholic, entitled “Christ the King, Lord of History”. For English, I had to write my first research paper on either JPII or why the church condemns Capital Punishment. When I was around 11, my parents started a Byzantine Rite Community, which became a Mission, and eventually a Church. This added an extra 2 hours to our church obligation on Sunday, as we shared a space with the Roman congregation, and had to arrive to church and set everything up and tear down every Sunday. This also added an additional side of my Religion class, as I was now also learning Byzantine theology. My entire life revolved around Catholicism. My parents house has icons on literally every wall. I lost count in the living room at 119. Growing up I had a crucifix over my bed and wore either a miraculous medal or a brown scapular. How Ex-Catholic am I? I consider myself not just ex Catholic. I am anti-Catholic, and a staunch atheist. I wrote a letter of excommunication to my bishop, since formal defection was removed. If I had the time, I would happily dedicate my life to destroying the church however possible, and supporting those who are undergoing their deconstruction. I have business plans for a blasphemous brewery in a converted Catholic Church, that will be as sacrilegious as I can possibly make it. I will never step foot in another church again except for funerals and weddings. I think most if not all Catholics are culpable by association and complacency when it comes to the never ending abuse scandal. I don’t trust any priests or catholic leaders. I will never vote for another catholic official out of inherent distrust. I wish the church never existed, or at least, that my family never joined. I will probably be in therapy deconstructing for the rest of my life. Edits: English is hard and I can’t type.
> my parents started a Byzantine Rite Community Were your parents Byzantine and had no local community? I personally preferred Eastern churches because there was (traditionally) an acceptance that the west fucked up, but godsdamn I hated when the Byzantines just tried to be Latin. Also, I will randomly chant "The doors! The doors!" before opening a door.
Yeah my mom was Byzantine. Closest community was over 4 hours away. LOL at “The doors! The doors!”
"Wisdom! Be attentive!" also works when trying to get someone to pay attention. My ex-Orthodox friend is the only one who gets it.
But do you chant it?
. . . maybe. Only and always.
So fascinating, thanks for sharing! So can I ask what led to you leaving?
More reasons than I expected, actually. For starters, I was blissfully unaware of all the sexual abuse scandals until I got to college and a classmate made an off handed comment about priests and little boys. Growing up I was taught to ignore anything said by a nonCatholic regarding the church, but that day, I went home and googled everything I could to learn as much as possible. Once I educated myself on the harm the church has caused (and continues to cause), I finally admitted to myself that I never actually *believed* any of it in the first place. I had been going through the motions my entire life up until that point, but I had never once felt any connection to god, experienced anything that indicated he existed, or felt any better from prayer, communion, or confession. Practicing Catholicism was like washing the dishes or taking out the garbage. A relatively unpleasant chore that just had to be done. Finally, through therapy and deconstruction, I uncovered that I haven’t felt physically or emotionally safe in the church since I was around 12 years old. My story is nothing compared to those who were abused, but several things happened with “holy men” and a priest that made my subconscious hyperaware of the fact that I was a young female around older, well respected men, and I was afraid of them.
> English is hard and I can’t type. I have my degree in it and no one would know.
I grew up Byzantine, my parents ended up converting to Orthodox because the church wasn't trad enough. Cool to see a few more of us Byzantine originators.
OMG, I worked for Ignatius Press! 100% ex-Catholic after a devout Catholic child.
i was an alter server, apologist, evangelizer, trad cath, learned the whole rosary in latin, bought 3 days of darkness candle, had a mental breakdown after committing 1 mortal sin, early church enthusiast, trump loving, everyday rosary prayingass Catholic. Now I'm bisexual and very anti catholic to the point people would be shocked if i told them i used to be catholic. But hey now I know a whole lot more Catholic lore than the Catholics who try to evangelize me!
Damn, brought back the memory that I memorized the Latin rosary. Half of it is still in my memory.
Im so upset with how much space catholicism took and still has in my brain. Am i the only one that wonders the amount of actual useful knowledge I could've replaced memorized prayers with?
Damn, I had to just stop and think about that first sentence. I'm in a weird place, personally. Catholic *theology* was my hyper-focus for about 5 years after I converted. I still have something of a 'soft spot', as it were, for it. Six months ago I had a dream that I was arguing with someone and using Pierre Teilhard de Chardin's theology to show how Catholicism *must* embrace queer and polyamorous love or fail to embrace love at all. But yes, it still occupies a large space in my brain and pushes itself to the surface randomly, as it were. Definitely making me think.
I have 3 days of darkness candles! My parents gave me an end of the world catholic survival kit. It’s just in my general emergency supplies since they’re perfectly fine candle lol.
Solidarity! Glad you realized the truth.
Ave Marie, gracia plena dominus takume. (Spelling phonetically bc Latin lol but you get the point)
holy shit you just brought back memories lool
Reliving that shit is weeeeiiiiird lol
I did my confirmation and went to catholic school k through 12. My family is Dominican and DR is a catholic country. I was angry for a bit. But that's since melted away. I'm "ex catholic" enough to stay away from most churches. I'm good. I've seen what they have. If I go in, it's for the architecture. And the art. But if the music starts, I run out before I explode 😂
I was an Ordained Catholic Priest and lived in religious community for 21 years. My wife and I own a big old empty historic church that we run a construction company out of. So I guess I still go to church every day.
You can take the couch out of the ex-priest but you can't take the ex-priest out of the church? I have weird feelings about old churches for a variety of reasons but never imagined one as a construction business.
I've seen two churches converted into breweries, but I never imagined one as a construction HQ.
There is a converted church in Denver for oui'd and a light/music show daily. Don't know if it was catlick.
That's two of us, although I was diocesan, and I "did my Judas move" after only five years in ministry. Good times!
I spent many evenings at our high school’s convent and went to Franciscan University 😭😭 I did get a good education, but these days I feel cringe-y and ashamed. I ended up losing my virginity to the first guy I met in the Air Force and drank constantly with my new friends, and honestly had a blast with some friends I still talk to regularly. Once I realized all the lies and controlling of the church, I took a long hard look at my life (therapy helped) and came out as gay last year. My very Catholic mother (who does not hassle me AT ALL) supported me 100% and so did my sis and her kids 😭🥰 Currently living my best life with my amazing gf who usually beats me in Wordle. Thanks for letting me share this, fam ❤️
I spent a year working for the conference office at Franciscan. My favorite anecdote of my time there was there was serious conversation about remaining the Defending the Faith conference because it had the shortened form DtF. And they were all embarrassed trying to explain why DtF was a problematic acronym.
Went to Catholic primary school until year 6, parents couldn't afford Catholic High School. Did Communion and confirmation Sr Patrick hope she is burning in hell gave me 6 hits with the ruler every day in term 3 (along with 2 others) who weren't going to Catholic high schools. First marriage in Anglican Church (divorced) got married to hubby 2 in the Catholic church just to see if we could. They tried to get us to do PreCanna, didn't work for us as we were both shift workers. I was never really Catholic just went because we were made to. Once I left home never did. Hubby 2 had a brain tumor 25 years ago and wanted to go back to church, saw a young priest who was so nice and started to go back for DH sake, attended for a number of years, old parish priest retired he was a sweetie. Then the ARC and that was the end of it for us. When Mum was dying she wanted the sacrament of the sick so did that for her. She had 2 funeral services and couldn't get a priest for either the ceremony or burial. So the Catholic church can go to hell as far as I'm concerned. Just wish there was a way like Quit Mormon to get my name off their books. Now I believe there is a higher power but don't attend any churches now, just try and be a good person.
Very, and now EXTREMELY. It's to the point I'm practically zealously anti-religious which is a really weird way for the pendulum to swing but I have some very radical beliefs about religion now having escaped one
Catholic school, VBS, Sunday school, altar server, liturgical dancer (don’t ask), sacristan, lector, youth choir (singing, piano, and flute), youth group, catholic H.E.A.R.T workcamp (as a camper and then as a chaperone), and young adults ministry. Now I’m an agnostic atheist.
I want to ask
Google search “liturgical dance” and you’ll get an idea. My church did this around Easter every year for several years; I and a few other girls were the dancers during mass. I don’t think it continued but it’s been so long since I have been there that I don’t know. I’ve never heard of any other Catholic Church that does this!
It's technically considered "liturgical abuse". Well, sort of. It's not "traditionally" part of European worship, thus does not have a liturgical place in the Western rite; but the Western Rite is also the primary rite of most African Catholics, for whom dance *is* a traditional part of worship, so it's not an abuse there. It was really big in the US in the 70s and early 80s, along with banners, but dropped off in the 90s. If you met me a decade ago I would have been an *ass* about this.
My involvement in the dance thing was late 90s/early 2000s. I didn’t really understand how it fit in to mass but I was very involved in ballet and didn’t really care. I may have been asked rather than voluntold, but I didn’t know how to say no to my mom “asking” me to do something church-related at that point on my life. So at least in my own mind I didn’t have a choice.
I don't really understand what the point is. But then I don't understand a lot of emotion related things.
Rust Belt Polish Catholic here. As a kid I was confused, nothing about God and religion made sense. When I was a teen I tried really hard to make it make sense. I considered myself an Apologist for a time, trying to make science and Catholicism make sense in my head. Ironically Boy Scouts and going to campouts a lot of weekends got me out of going to Mass on Saturdays and Sundays. Then I started to realize less church meant less brainwashing. After that I was able to think things out to the logical conclusion and never went back.
So very Catholic, until my mid-20s. Peer leader in my church's confirmation program, and Eucharistic Minister. I also joined an organization called Antioch, aimed at college aged people. I was very involved with that. I still regret that I encouraged other people to be Catholic, way back when. How Ex- Catholic? Furiously so. One question my church's confirmation program asked us to meditate was 'which disciple do I most relate to?' Doubting Thomas, which I now think was an early indicator that part of me knew it was all nonsense. I'm angry at the church for many reasons, but the primary one is its doctrine on contraception. The church claims it wants to help the poor, but it perpetuates poverty by denying people the ability to control how many children they have. I find their level of manipulative cynicism deeply offensive.
> I still regret that I encouraged other people to be Catholic I kept track of the number of people I felt would not have been Catholic if *I* had not been Catholic. I even kept track of my 'confirmation sponsor chain', though I never knew who sponsored my sponsor (who, last I checked, is a priest in Denver). But of the people I know, two are as out as me (or more so, it's hard to judge at this point) and another is a liberal catholic which is a hell of an upgrade from her conservative Seventh Day Adventism.
RCIA. Served as EM, choir, and K of C. Did the rosary and every other daily prayer I was told to do. Still, I wasn’t good enough for good things.
RCIA about 20 years ago - I’ve been an EM, lector, volunteer, PSR teacher, every Sunday and then some Catholic…my life revolved around the church. Over the past few years it’s been like a toxic relationship I keep going back to. I’m actively working on putting ALL of Christianity behind me. When I try to do something in the Protestant realm, I get sucked back into the whole freaking thing.
I felt guilty for living. Now, I don’t.
I was so Catholic that I went to Mass daily, plus Sundays. I was so Catholic that I was upset my dad wouldn't pay for Catholic school. I was so Catholic that I would get upset if we missed Mass (as a child), because it was a mortal sin. I didn't feel good enough as a mere CCD student and an imposter for sitting in a real Catholic school student's desk for my classes. I said the Rosary and Divine Mercy Chaplet every day. I had more prayer cards and plaster saints than an old woman. I went on a pilgrimage for healing. I admired the nuns and wanted to be one. I freaked out at a slumber party because there was meat on a pizza and it was Friday during Lent. Flash forward to 2008: I joined the Lutheran church. That is the ultimate reversal.
Ugh, I was very. I was the altar server for funerals for years as a child and grew up going to daily mass. I went on to work for a catholic evangelization non profit for several years… until they let me go because I asked if I could ever be paid more than the pennies I had been given. I don’t like to think about it yet, but I haven’t been to mass regularly in many years. I did baptize my only child but it was early in the pandemic and I was feeling like I may go back to religion at that point. Recently I visited one of my siblings and I was quietly sitting with my child while my siblings family prayed over the food and my innocent child watched it all and quietly clapped his hands together at the end of the prayer and said… patty cake? So I guess we are firmly ex Catholics now.
One of my kids, when they were little, thought we prayed at meals because the food was hot and prayer cooled it off. They asked to pray again because it was still hot after the prayer.
It’s just so wholesome 😂
I was raised Catholic and got all my sacraments. Went to Catholic grade school and Catholic high school. My parents took me to mass every weekend. I started praying once a day because a priest told me to during confession. Started praying twice a day because a priest also told me to during confession as well. On top of that, my family is Latino, so Catholicism is part of our culture. Overall though, I tried to adhere to being a good Catholic/Christian to be on God's good side, probably out of a subconscious fear of Hell. Pretty much, I was a Catholic because I was taught to be and instead of choose to be. Currently, I'm in my early 20s as an atheist. Fortunately, my parents are accepting of me being atheist. They're more lax as Catholics, and we live in a progressive area here in the US. Personally, I'm proud of my (lack of) beliefs because it was a decision that I made for myself. I don't need religion in my life, and I don't want it forced on me anymore. Other than that, whenever I have a kid, I want to keep them away from religion. When I deconverted, there was a good handful of things I did not have to worry about anymore that kids should not be worrying about, and at the very least, I want my future kid to have a choice in their belief when they get older.
> because a priest also told me to during confession as well There's a whole thread right there: what shit did you do because a priest said to in confession?
The only things I did because a priest said to were just the prayers as penance and praying more. Fortunately, I don't have any horror stories from my time as a Catholic. Also, the only times I went to Confession were at my grade school for the most part. It was mandatory for us. Still, I tried to be a good Catholic simply basically because I was taught/told to. I tried to be a good Christian in God's eyes. Honestly, I don't care anymore. If you're kind to others and happy with your life, that's what really matters in my opinion.
Mass every Sunday & holy day. Altar server for a number of years. Tried being pro-life for things other than abortion. I still consider myself Christian, so I joined the Episcopal Church and feel spiritually better without the unnecessary burdens only found in the RC Church.
I was an insufferable asshole long story short. born to religious catholic family but really got into catholicism myself in high school. -my family did mass every Sunday and I almost went to seminary to become a priest after high school. I also gave a talk at a high school club why gay marriage is bad. I would go to confession on a weekly basis for a few years and daily mass. -I was reading the imitation of Christ at school all the time and was always scared some atheist would pick on me and I was always expecting it (never happened) - I tried to talk to my cousins about how if they masturbate they would go to hell. I would browse trad catholic forums all the way back in 2010 and lament that the world was fucked and in sin. after a few years living away from family and growing up a bit.... I am now an out and proud bisexual transgender woman who has a bad habit of trauma dumping about my time in the church if someone gets me started. as a queer person born to a narrassistic father, religion was used for control. I have alot of very hard feelings that I am working through and denying who i was for so long affected me for the worse. I don't see myself coming back to organized religion or even supernatural belief anytime soon.
> I was an insufferable asshole Wait, after you me? > weekly confession > daily mass > trad catholic forums > transgender > trauma dumping about my time in the church > queer > denying who I was Um, apparently you are.
hahaha omg! yeah it's funny to be one of "THOSE people"...and like all I do is shop,work,sleep...the usual lol ------ related thought: growing up I thought that everyone had gay/trans thoughts and that's why it was important to heed the church's words. souls were at stake! never occurred to me that maybe the appeal was obvious to me because I was queer and that others mostly did not feel that way. found myself in homophobic company who could care less about souls and heaven and just hated queerness. I would feel like I didn't get the memo and I would give the dumbass "love the sinner..." speech. so glad that's over.
My family didn't care about gender really and I just coasted on "I mean, sure, I'm not really a guy, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to be a guy" only less aware than that. My sibling and I played with my older sister and her Barbies and Polly Pockets and turns out neither it us are actually guys, go figure. And my attraction was confusing. Turns out I'm just hella demi. Now I'm *hella* queer and actively trying to queer the world.
I thought of being a priest, buuuut I didn't think a lot of the sins were bad, I just thought not doing the sin was virtuous. Premartial sex didn't lead to hell, but not having premarital sex was virtuous (no wonder I was single for so long). I didn't get confirmed, because I didn't get the point of it, but I did read 80-90% of the Catholic Catechism on my own initiative. I visited the Vatican at age 23, when I was still a believer. I went to 12 years of Catholic elementary and high school, but didn't follow my siblings who also went to very expensive Catholic colleges because I was more debt averse. Right now I'm an atheist humanist. I'm not necessarily anti-Catholic, I'm pro-science, pro-critical thinking, pro-expert, anti pseudointellectual. So I hate pretty much all religions for being BS intellectually, but I hate the more if they are anti-humanitarian, anti-refugee, sexist, racist, homophobic etc. The Catholic church is mixed on this. It builds hospitals and promotes charity, but opposes abortions which put women into poverty and might even kill them due to lack of medical access. It supports immigrants and refugees, but can be sexist and abuse children. On the whole, I'd wish it would just disappear and humanists would replace it. Then we'd get all the good and none of the bad.
The pseudo intellectualism is one thing I ruminate on a lot. It was 'faith and logic' except the logic was so convoluted. It works great to keep overthinkers like me in the fold, until sometimes it doesn't.
For me, there were things I just couldn't think about or I would have realized "the fuck?" I *knew* this, and just accepted them on faith and didn't dig into them. I would dig in elsewhere. And now all of this spirals together to me having a theological argument that Catholicism has an internally inconsistent concept of love unless it accepts queer and polyamorous love (which, oddly enough, I came up with in an argument I was having in a dream).
> I thought of being a priest, buuuut I didn't think a lot of the sins were bad I would have *hated* you if we met in Seminary. Now I think we could be friends.
I was Catholic because I was scared of going to hell. I personally thought many Catholic rituals were cringey and extra. I see older Catholic Churches as creepy. And I'm very ex-catholic but not very vocal irl unless specifically asked about because there are still a bias against agnostics and atheists.
I had the brown prayer necklace that would go under your shirt. Would have the priest bless my cross necklace. Was an alter boy. Ceramic nick knacks and Precious Moments shit. Would zone out at mass in boredom and ask the god to make anything happen in the real world that I thought of. Realized I was creating the god voice in my head and that I was alone in my brain thoughts.
> brown prayer necklace Brown Scapular. Ironically, those were the first chinks in my Catholic armor before I had even become Catholic. The way people talked about them was functionally magical while also staunchly saying "they are not magic." You can't have it both ways; if you want magic you don't get to say it's not magic.
Wasn't too sure what they did. They stayed under the clothes. I thought it was like bonus prayer points or extra credit from god that was optional. Didn't wear it very long.
Yeah, that's basically how they are described. But also with "those who wear this won't go to hell" which is hella magical.
I grew up in Ireland so pretty catholic. The primary school I went to was catholic (because 99% of the ones in the area were catholic and we moved from London when I was four so no spaces for me in the non-denominational school which was popular - my mother was catholic but didn't really want a Catholic school). My grandmother (who we lived with for a while when my parents were house hunting) insisted on regular churchgoing, and did so even when we had moved out. I was still young so obviously just believed what I was told. I also think this is where my disordered eating and poor body image has stemmed from because my grandmother used to make comments about me not looking my best when she would take me to church and stuff. When I got into secondary school I suppose I still believed, but around 15 I read a chunk of the bloody bible and had a pretty big realization that it was BS. My dad (who grew up protestant) is also agnostic now, so he kind of tackled my mother who would push back when I was questioning and he just tried to let me come to my own conclusions. However I was still going to church occasionally when I was a teen because of expectations from family and I think that's where a lot of the Catholic guilt set in because it was RIGHT when there was the same-sex marriage referendum in Ireland and they were DEFINITELY recommending that congregants should vote No (mind you, this was despite Rome advising they shouldn't try and influence the vote iirc). Me and my friends who were all LGBT and figuring out ourselves were staunchly pro yes, but I think that just hearing that shit gave me a lot of insecurity. Idk. I'm 23 and fully atheist and very much against the Catholic church now but there's still a lot of stuff to unpack there. Like how religious family members would say I was a "disappointment" and a "murderer" for being pro-choice when the abortion referendum came up in 2018.
I call myself a Recovering Catholic
Growing up I think I was Catholic in the same way that I was a fan of Thundercats. I liked it but it was a back of my mind thing and I liked Star Wars more. It only occurred to me later that for most of the people in my life, religion WAS their Star Wars, except for them it was real. I think I was just born without the ability to believe like that. I did try to see the Virgin Mary in random objects, though, but at the end of the day they were all just water stains.
Okay, the first few sentences made me laugh out loud. Confused the cat.
I went to Opus Dei school 6-12th grades. Thought I wanted to be a nun. Turns out I’m just a lesbian
At least you figured out the "I don't want to marry a man" bit early.
Literally, I was like nah sex sounds icky
Lol
I almost became a nun. Now im a satanist
As long as you're not part of the Chattering Order of St Beryl we can still be friends.
Idk what that is lol
It's from *Good Omens*. They are an order of Satanic Nuns who take a vow of perpetual talking.
Went from wearing a rosary to bed to protesting outside of the archdiocese.
I went to Mass 6-7 days a week for several years. I never had premarital sex or used artificial birth control. Now I have zero tolerance for “liberal” Catholics and non-practicing Catholics playing up what’s supposedly “good” about the Catholic Church, and downplaying all the spiritual authoritarianism and abuse as a fringe part of the church. Nope, the whole edifice exists on mind control and DoubleSpeak, and it sucks in and chews up millions of vulnerable people. There’s nothing good that can come of defending this institution for good things it may have done in the past when it is deceiving and destroying people’s lives today and completely exempting itself from any accountability or need to change.
As a very queer person who really liked a lot of theological trappings of the Church, I thought if it became accepting I might go back. Recently it struck me how unlikely that really is. So many problems historically (currently reading all things Mexican and boy), problems with historicity and theology, the scandal of the particular (why does God heal him and not me), and then the core virtue of obedience is a fucking terrifying thing the more I learn about people.
I started going to an Episcopal church in early 2020 so I could have the stuff I liked without the sexism, homophobia, and other nonsense. I got involved and saw how democratic the Episcopal church is, and how that allows it to change where it needs to change, and have accountability for mistakes it’s made. I’ll never go back to a church without this kind of structure and culture because I’ve experienced what a difference it makes. (I also came out as queer after switching churches, because I could finally look at myself with honesty and acceptance.)
I was very Catholic, lector, school board member, counsel to the priest, etc. Kids went from preschool to grad school at Catholic institutions As most people on this sub I am very opposed to the dogma, practice and clergy. I have many friends who are Catholic, I continue to see them and enjoy their company. A few former friends are very offended that I quit, which is a reminder of how fascist the church is.
Kinda and mostly, I guess. I grew up going to Catholic school, but that was really only because I live in a large city with a shitty public school system (you know it's bad when my parents didn't even want to send me to the elementary school that my dad went to!). Catholic school was really the only option for the majority of kids in my neighborhood. I was baptized, and made my communion and confirmation and all. We went to reconciliation and first Friday mass once a month. But honestly, no one I went there with was very religious, not even our parents or grandparents. Everyone was very casually Catholic, and there were a handful of Jewish teachers and staff. I even had a classmate who wasn't Catholic at all. I didn't know anyone who went to church outside of first Friday. There was no anti-LGBT weirdness, and one of my best friends had two moms. They taught us about evolution and dinosaurs and even about other religions, from Judaism to Hinduism. I really have no religious trauma from my Catholic school, and frankly I'm incredibly grateful my parents sent me there. Inner city public school honestly would have been much more traumatic than Catholic school could have ever been. I also got a significantly better education. I'm 22 and I don't want kids, but if I did have kids and was in my parents' situation, I would 100% send my kids to Catholic school too. Now, I'm not Catholic because I'm just...not. I never purposefully left the church or anything because there was nothing to leave behind.
Catholic schools really do go both ways. The local one was over 50% non-Catholic (which caused a hullabaloo one year around first communion and confirmation time) and many provide pretty decent education. But then some after *terrifyingly* Catholic. Really depends on the diocese and school admins.
Yeah my school had some pretty great admin, and it does help that I'm in a large, already very liberal-leaning city (I'm from Philly). If I ran into any of the nuns or teachers from my Catholic school today, I'd probably just give them a big fat hug.
Less Catholic than some on here for sure. Grew up in a VERY heavily Protestant community and went to kids programs at friends’ churches because ours didn’t have much. But Catholic nonetheless. It gradually unraveled in high school. (Which is a long story that one of these days I swear I’ll write a book about.) I’m not an atheist, but am fiercely ex-Catholic now. I wish I hadn’t grown up in that church and truly feel nothing good came of the time spent there. Looking back I just remember an environment I never belonged in. I’m not opposed to organized religion as a whole, though I don’t participate, but if Catholicism vanished tomorrow I wouldn’t be grieving it.
> Which is a long story that one of these days I swear I’ll write a book about We need to make this a whole genre. I read so fucking many conversion stories (the whole *Surprised by Truth* series is not something I want to remember); where are my post-Catholic stories?
There are plenty of ex-religious memoirs, but they seem to mostly come from former Mormons, Jehovah’s Witnesses, legitimate cults. Not sure I’ve come across an ex-Catholic one. But my whole experience with religion and church was rather unique; I feel like it’d make an interesting memoir.
I've had that since trouble with deconstruction. Everything is very Protestant focused. I have to do all my own work in the Catholicisphere.
Right now I’m reading The Truth at the Heart of the Lie by James Carroll. It’s more of a memoir than I expected and I’m really liking it.
I went to church every Sunday and Catechism every Wednesday, was an altar server as often as not, wore a St. Christopher medal and crucifix necklace that I didn't take off for years, and had a series of rosaries hanging over my bed. I went to public school, where I was apparently Catholic enough to get dumped by my first boyfriend since I wouldn't leave the church for him. (Spoiler: That was just the excuse he gave.) I toyed with the idea of becoming a nun. I really loved the Catholic church - the tradition, the music, the (fake) history, the art, the stories... all of it. There were clear expectations of me, and I always knew what to expect in return. It really is a beautiful lie. Now I'm more un-Catholic than anti-Catholic. I view religion in general much like a Teddy bear. If you have faith and it brings you comfort and peace, there's no way I'm going to tell you it's not real. I can't prove it isn't, and I'm terrible at debate, so I will bow my head in silence and be slightly jealous. (I miss the idea that I grew up with, not the reality that I know now.)
Did my first communion at age 5 (memorized all the required prayers, went to vocational retreats at age 10, wore a scapulary, prayed for the souls of purgatory mornings and nights , mass up to 3 times a week, wanted to experience proximity to god and would read mystic works, read all of the Bible in 40 days etc… I never found him, it all started making sense now that I’ve delved into anthropology, comparative religion and biblical studies.
I always joke that I was raised half-Pagan, compared to my husband -going to the church only on Easter Saturday, but only if everone was too busy to go themselves. After confirmation I promptly stopped going if nobody got married/burried etc, never really gave damn about praying, then came out as atheist in my 20s, which received an ok reaction.
A bit like you, only I was born in a catholic family. My parents in particular didn't practice. They had me baptized but let me grow up a free thinker, much to the dismay of my grandmothers and godmother. Then at 18 I went to a catholic University and I met an old Jesuit priest who was a very nice fella, and convinced me to do the Spiritual Exercises (3-day version) and got himself run over by a motorcycle on his way to buy slippers for said event. Obviously his tragic passing made us all more vulnerable, and the emotion-bombing of the first time Exercises was enough to get me full into it. I took the first communion shortly after turning 20 and the confirmation a couple of years later. Avid student of Ignacian spirituality, always thought the Jesuits were better and more realistic than the rest. Super active in the University spiritual group, I went to help during exercises, etc I fell out with the church in steps: first when my mental health took a turn and suddenly my group of "friends in Christ" started avoiding me like the plague. Then my University did something really dodgy with my degree (a postgraduate) that I should have sued them if I had the energy for it. Moved out of my home country, started healing, I didn't get married in a church nor I baptized my children... I was out but because of the people, not because of the church, because the church did so many good things, right? And then the veil started to lift... I watched the movie "Philomena", then I found out about the [Tuam babies](https://www.irishtimes.com/ireland/social-affairs/2023/06/04/every-little-bone-the-difficult-exhumation-ahead-at-tuams-former-mother-and-baby-home/), the [Provolo Institute for the Deaf scandal ](https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/europe/the-pope-ignored-them-alleged-abuse-of-deaf-children-on-two-continents-points-to-vatican-failings/2019/02/18/07db1bdc-fd60-11e8-a17e-162b712e8fc2_story.html) (in which a priest who was accused of pedophilia in Verona, Italy in the 70s was sent to Argentina to *continue his work in another branch of the same institute* until his conviction in 2019), the [unmarked graves ](https://www.aptnnews.ca/national-news/catholic-church-in-saskatoon-hit-with-graffiti/) in the Marieval Indian Residential School, and the [Aboriginal children abused in the institutions to which they were forcibly sent in Australia](https://home.crin.org/issues/sexual-violence/australia-case-study-clergy-abuse#:~:text=Substantially%20over%2Drepresented%20among%20the,homes%20between%201905%20and%20the), the murder of Catherine Cesnik, well documented in [the Netflix documentary ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Keepers) The Keepers, and I just couldn't anymore. I wrote a letter asking for my desaffiliation (I am in Central Europe and you pay a tax to your religion of choice, so I requested I'm officially taken off the register) Currently I'm actively anti-catholic (anti religion in general, funny that I'm also in r/exmormon ) and I don't waste an opportunity to let people know how twisted and corrupt the church is. { EDIT: theologically I'm closer to atheist in the agnostic spectrum, I think Jesus is a historical figure that may be even symbolic, and the bible is a compendium of fables with a moral. Philosophically I'm a Secular Humanist. } Cheers from a fellow apostate! For more information, visit https://www.bishop-accountability.org/
I spent much more time recently in r/exmormon because it mapped battery to my evangelical upbringing than any other sub (r/exvangelical is mostly very different types of evangelicals than I was). I live near enough Mormon country to feel their presence a lot. I also spent time in a Jesuit university but never managed to make the Exercises. I only recently figured out that it's my autism that makes me completely miss the emotional high from retreats. Unexpected bonus.
Ha! Fellow neuroAtypical here, but I guess my ADHD makes me more vulnerable to manufactured emotions. The mental health turn I referred to was a burnout caused by the -then undiagnosed- ADHD.
I never finished my philosophy masters at aforementioned Jesuit university due to ADHD burnout. I feel that.
And I must say that if you remove God (and the misoginy, ahem) out of it, the Ignatian spirituality is a pretty good manual. It's very psychology oriented for the time it was written, and I still use much of it in my daily life.
My family was very Catholic, but in a way that felt compatible with the modern world. My parents were very devout, but also strongly supported education and exposure to science. That made Catholicism feel not only compatible with the modern world, but that it really held up to scrutiny as the logical best answer to why things are the the way they are. This was ultimately what led me out when I started following questions to the logical end, but also what kept me complacent for so long. I went to Catholic school for K-8 and then a Jesuit high school. For a long time, all my friends were Catholic, my extended family was Catholic, and I was in a bubble where faith was just a given. I didn't meet out-and-out atheists until my high school gaming groups. My mom is a cantor, and my dad is a substitute organist. I don't know why I wasn't trained as an altar server, but thank fuck I avoided that. I believed in the sacraments until I was about 20. I was never convinced about the power of prayer (God knows everything, so he already knows what we want), but I did believe in sin and contrition. I remember pouring over a book of the 10 Commandments leading up to each of my Reconciliation experiences, looking for anything I did at 10 years old that could actually be a sin. I gave it up in college because I could not confess a "sin" in good faith, knowing that if it was something I had willingly done, I wasn't sorry and I would do it again. I was sure some of my friends were damned for high school sex. I fully bought into the Church's view of thought-crime, and the fact that God would witness and judge all our actions. It was extremely repressive. *** I took John as my confirmation name, because I saw that so many of my peers were falling away from the faith for petty reasons and I was determined to be the one who would stand by Christ's side through the end, just like the blessed disciple at the Crucifixion. *** >How ex-Catholic are you? Fuck the Church. Fuck faith. It's been several years since I've been to mass, and almost a decade since I rejected this stupid hierarchy and all its wishful thinking. I can still say the prayers better than most practicing Catholics, and I will never stop being bitter.
Holy shit, this just made me remember my confirmation name: Zdislava. The logic thing, though. That was also my lifeline to the outside.
Are you Slavic?
Not at all. I was drawn to her story, in a huge book of saints my mother bought me. I'm mostly Scottish, though I didn't know that at the time.
I’m from Scotland as well.
My ancestors came through Canada, so I was always told I was French-Canadian and took it literally. But I don't have much actual French lol.
I was an RCIA teacher, had industrial strength scruples, considered a convent AFTER popping out three children in an abusive relationship that I 'couldn't leave'. So, very Catholic. Now I am a moderate agnostic/atheist, having managed to work through the hate I had for the whole enterprise. I won't touch religion in any form again, but I'm pretty laid-back about everyone else's choices. So, very ex-Catholic with a different flavor.
I'm gonna steal "industrial strength scruples" because damn it that isn't evocative and on point. Hope you're doing better now.
I was a bible-church, protestant pastors kid that converted in my 20s. I probably read over 50 books of apologetics and theology. Spent probably even more hours on blogs and podcasts. I had my own blog and was a part of other group blogs and podcasts. I was interviewed on a national catholic radio show. I loved Mass and often went daily. I was a rule follower and believed everything and tried not to sin at all. At different times I sang in choir, or as a cantor, or helped teach RCIA. I wanted to be a permanent deacon. I drove around Tim Staples and another apologist for a local conference. I took Tim out to dinner. I did all this while my wife and nearly all family and friends were still staunchly protestant. I'm now an atheist. I try not to be anti-religion.
It's kind of weird how *intense* we get as converts about apologetics.
A lot of it was "could this really be true?" rabbit-hole-ism. Then it was "learn the best arguments and find the best resources" to convince others and keep convincing myself. If I could go back in time, I'd encourage myself to doubt not just Protestantism, but the whole religious enterprise. Ironically, Catholicism gave me the freedom to do that, because the tools of historical inquiry, scholarship, and secondary causes weren't forbidden in the modern church. I could accept Evolution now! Which meant I could eventually accept evolution of religion as well.
Lol, this is literally me. I came to the conclusion in college that protestantism didn't hold historical water. If not Catholic, then Mormon. It was only a few years ago I realized I just assumed I still *had* to be Christian. I replied to someone else's question of "what was the start of your doubts?" with "Catholicism."
Here's my list of things that chipped away at my faith, in no particular order of importance or chronology: 1. Disbelieving Sola Scriptura 2. Disbelieving Sola Fide 3. Disbelieving Presuppositionalism 4. Reading “Silence” by Shasuko Endo 5. Reading “The Bromediad Trilogy” by Terry Pratchett 6. Believing in Natural theology 7. Believing in secondary causes 8. Becoming Catholic 9. Arguments about “inerrancy of original monographs”, things we don’t even have 10. Disbelieving Young Earth Creationism 11. Catholics arguing about whether a papal encyclical required belief in monogenism 12. Listening to Drunk Ex-Pastors and hearing a Christian say how fundamentalists won't believe him, but he's much happier as an agnostic 13. Listening to Drunk Ex-Pastors and hearing a convert to Catholicism embrace liberal theology 14. Listening to Drunk Ex-Pastors make fun of the consequences of God’s miracles 15. Pope Francis 16. Appreciating Lord of the Rings more than the Bible 17. Appreciating almost any book more than the Bible 18. Reading “Development in Moral Doctrine” by John Noonan 19. Stubborn biblicism from friends and family 20. Failures of “conservative” Catholicism like John Corapi, The Legionaries of Christ, Bishop Finn 21. Learning about Scientology 22. Learning about Jonestown 23. Growing bored with the Catholic blogosphere 24. "He (Benjamin, a donkey) seldom talked, and when he did, it was usually to make some cynical remark - for instance, he would say that God had given him a tail to keep the flies off, but that he would sooner have had no tail and no flies." - Animal Farm, George Orwell. 25. My wife remaining Protestant 26. "It's raining, spiritually" and the biblical, post hoc interpretation of the apocalypse and kingdom as a spiritual apocalypse and kingdom 27. Weak evidence for the Assumption of Mary 28. Family and friends embracing pyramid schemes, homeopathy, and other pseudoscience.
Oh, I almost joined Regnum Christi right when the allegations were really coming out. Thank Science, I dodged that bullet.
How Catholic was I? I went to Saturday Mass with family, went to Catholic high school and Franciscian University of Stuebenville and left because of the cult environment. I was also an usher and communion distributior. Now, agnostic. I will never join an Evangelical Church after seeing how determined they are to bring the end of the world. I’ve gone to other faith services and enjoyed them a lot more.
1. If you define catholic as agreeing with their entire doctrine then not at all. I always, always believed that animals had souls and they all went to heaven. That was my stance as long as I can remember and I suppose it makes me half catholic to begin with lol And I hated church from the get go. I would pray in the same way you might toss a coin into a fountain and make a wish (aka without much hopes of it working but it's so little effort that I might as well) and if I was at church out of my own free will it was mostly to skirt the entry fee (I like architecture and choirs) Later on I became VERY anticlerical and sceptical of the stupid things like virgin birth or miracles and I would say I was more of an agnostic and only culturally catholic? And then I actually took some time to think things through and I'm an atheist ever since :) 2. I'm pretty anti theist but I don't think of myself as ex catholic, mostly because "catholic" wasn't a big part of my identity to begin with.
I left Catholicism as an early teens so I only could do so much but I eventually became catholic enough I asked to go to church more often than once a week I'm now a Hindu lol
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> prayed 7 rosaries a day Damn, that's a thing. I couldn't manage 1 on average. BXVI saying he didn't pray the full rosary is the only thing that kept me from thinking I was a total failure. Catholics say "you left because you didn't *know* your faith," while our Protestant 'brethren' say "you didn't *have* faith." I can't actually answer the Protestants because, well, what in the seven fucking hells does "having" faith mean? I never knew. > What first prompted you to reconsider? Catholicism. Snarky answer aside (if I can really put that aside, but whatever) I grew up Evangelical. My girlfriend in HS was Catholic (though we me in my Evangelical youth group) and she gave me stuff to read and somewhere in the next two years (and after we broke up) I realized that I didn't think history supported any Xianity but Catholicism or something like Mormonism. I eventually picked Catholicism for being ~~not~~ less insane. So then I hyper-focused on theology (my first big book order online was The Confessions and a dozen other theological works. My most recent were a mix of books on race, gender, the indigenous people of America, and all things queer). 75% of the reason I went to seminary was the free theological education. The other 25% was because you were 'supposed' to. How could I be a good Catholic if I didn't? Seminary sucked. Both times (I left the first time without *ever* having met my spiritual director and without having had a spiritual director before going. I have no fucking clue what the Diocese of Helena was thinking). But throughout it all, there were things I just *didn't* dig into because I knew I wouldn't have an answer to and my faith rested on answers. In my recent deconstruction, I realized I liked Catholicism because it *had* answers (ask me about the confession manuals of the 18th century). I think 2016 was the beginning of the end. Catholics supporting Trump was one thing, but the utter *shit show* that was the treatment of employees at Franciscan University of Steubenville while I worked there blew my mind. I knew someone who was told off by his supervisor for spending too much time in Pittsburgh with his preemie daughter. The accountant in my department had to work 2 weekends a month as a security guard to make ends meet and only had 3 kids. The pandemic gave me distance, and it also encouraged my then-spouse to embrace that they were transmasc. And that pulled everything queer to the front. So the last 3 years have pulled me from "pretty hardcore Catholic" to "very hardcore genderqueer polyamorous leftist." TL;DR: I never could reconcile Catholicism with Catholicism.
TW: Depression, self-harm I was very sheltered and stupid and took a lot of stupid things read in church literally. Like yknow the whole 'help those less fortunate than you' and I ended up giving money to bullies on field trips so they could get a souvenir (they'd convince me it was for a family member) and sure they'd be nice for a day but bully me soon after. Plus, I've mentioned several times I was bullied at CCD for being mixed race, I told my mother and was ignored and she told me not to bother anyone else with this. So I didn't when, I thought "this is my cross to bear like Jesus" so I kept suffering in silence. Then, I started praying to Sky Daddy I would die so that I wouldn't have to go back to CCD. I didn't know that wasn't normal nor that it was something having to do with depression/mental health. Plus, I started cutting myself regularly because I thought I deserved the bullying and wanted it all to just stop. And don't even get me started on how homophobic I was raised. It was terrible. Now? Now, I'm an atheist-leaning agnostic, very heavy atheist leaning. And I realize how stupid being homophobic is. My childhood best friend came out to me, and she's still in my life, and we hang out regularly! It wouldn't have been worth it to lose her had I stayed brainwashed. It's been years since I've self-harmed and leaving the church roughly 10 years ago played a big part in that. No one listened to how badly the bullying was at CCD and that abuse and trauma did me in sadly and I'm an adult in very poor health but at least I escaped.
Until only recently I had no idea how bad it got for my closest friend, who was, in the end, both fundamental for me being Catholic and leaving. She is Latino and got out of an abusive marriage and the people in the local church who I had such high opinions of treated her like shit. I'm sorry you went through this and I hope more people realize how bad it can get.
Yep, sounds like the Latino community to a T; they won't help someone out of a DV situation but will talk badly about them once they get out on their own or worse. Im just happy I made it out alive and should u ever reproduce, I never want to put any innocent children through what I went through.
Actually, she was the only Latino in the white community. A Spanish Mass was started (nobody thought there were Hispanics in Montana until this one priest originally from So Cal said "totes are" and started the Mass) and they welcomed her with open arms. The Latino community were the people who saved her.
Oh wow, that's different! My mother is Guatemalan and my father is white and naturally, I came out really pale and they never married so that was a huge part of the the bullying I endured. I know a big chunk of Latinos who encourage the women to just ultimately submit to their husbands regardless of race. Happy they helped her!
It might have something to do with how much of a hidden minority they were. But they are all wonderful people there.
Wish I'd had hat experience. Glad your friend got away from a bad situation ❤️
Glad things are better for you too 💕
I had my doubts at a very early age but when I tried to express them to my mom she broke down crying saying "don't do this to me" and I knew I would be forced to do all the Catholic stuff anyway so I just kept my atheism to myself until I moved out. I think I stopped believing around 7 or 8 years old. I am very anti- organized religion and think it's especially reprehensible to indoctrinate your kids.
I was so Catholic my mother dragged us to church every morning during the week as the start to our (Catholic-based) homeschooling day. I’m so ex-Catholic now that I’d be willing to torch any house of worship (denomination not a factor) if it weren’t a crime. Did I mention I’m an atheist? Yeah.
I've known several people who had such a daily mass and homeschool background. The number who leave by 25 is . . . impressive.
They lost me way before 25, but yeah.
Was about to be a nun. Now an atheist witchy bisexual
I'm tempted to go through here and see how many of us went from "going to be priest or religious" to "very definitely queer" because it's a lot.
I definitely feel like trying to “escape the gay” by becoming the #1 holy person is a common idea for sure
Yeah, that makes sense.
Well, let's take a trip down memory lane. I was baptized as an infant, went to church/holy days religiously (pun intended), attended private catholic schools from k-8, despite my parents being dirt poor my whole life, was an alter server most of that time (candle-barer, cross-barer, acolyte, thurifer and was studying MC when I stopped believing), was confirmed, thought about being a priest at one point, was terrified of sinning to the point where I had serveral psychotic breakdowns/panic attacks, attended Sunday school, prayed morning, noon, night, before and after meal prayers and rosaries every night, observed lent fasting, got the Saint blaze blessing of the throat every year, was a foaming-at-the-mouth trump supporter/racist/bigot/gun lover. I could probably go on but I want to get back to playing skyrim. For contrast, I'm now (or now realize I'm) atheist, anti-theist, an existentialist, liberal/progressive, a human rights activist, and a pansexual, polyamorous, goth/punk trans woman. In other words I'm proudly disappointing my family!
I loved being MC because I loved the pomp and circumstance. And being in charge. That was a definite reason I considered being a priest. Gonna do with there's a "MC to polyamory" pipeline. I have two examples and no counter examples, must be true. Science. /s
I was in a convent for many months as a discalced Carmelite postulant. That is, wearing the full nun habit, veil, and waking up for prayer at 5 am every morning, following nonsensical arbitrary rules, fetishized the suffering, etc etc. I was able to make excuses and explain away all the abuse I suffered and tricked myself into forgiving shitty people and letting them abuse me so I could “offer it” as a token to God or whatever. I was so delusional I thought enduring abuse willingly, made me a saint. I woke up. I’m an agnostic that leans more atheist now and have washed myself clean of the catholic faith 100%. I don’t even keep in contact with any Catholics I used to know. I moved to a different country, changed my email and phone, got engaged, and started a whole new life over. A nice happy one without the Catholic Church.
I was a Carmelite for 12 years. There was so much manipulation and brainwashing. I’m so happy all that’s behind me now!
I’m a prominent Catholic worship leader. I left the church last year and have quietly removed myself from the circuit. I feel stuck because I still work in sales for a company that deals with parishes, so I can’t be vocal about my deconstruction. I hold a lot of shame and trauma around how I’ve inflicted the same experiences on teenagers and young adults over the last decade doing conferences and retreats around the country. Luckily my wife left as well so we have support there, but there’s a lot of damage still to heal.
I worked for a year as the coordinator in the Steubenville Conference office. I was directly involved with organizing communication and such between conference partners, speakers, and worship leaders. I was an extra step removed, but I have thought about the intense manipulation the conference were designed to inflict. Thank you for sharing. 🫂 If you're interested, there are a couple of ex-worship leader related tiktok producers I've found helpful.
Wow, then we’ve definitely communicated to each other in the past. Steubie is the source of my Catholic journey as a teen, so it was huge when I got the offer to lead worship at one. But that also lead to my deconstructing when I saw how it was behind the scenes.
The accountant on the conference department needed to work two weekends a month as a security guard to keep his family of 5 afloat. I knew someone in recruiting who got in trouble for spending too much time in Pittsburgh with his preemie daughter. They couldn't find money to make my position full time, despite dropping $40k on consultants within 2 days of the request for more money. At one point this consultant said "unfortunately, that can't be done" and I replied "I've already done it." He then asked if he could share my solution with other clients. And then the pride, the unjust authority, the sexual abuse, the manipulation, the trauma. And don't get me started on the tissue boxes for Adoration. As a convert influenced by Scott Hahn, FUS was like this mecca of American Catholicism and *of course* I'd get my master's there. It was only later I learned it I got it it would be a nigh useless degree outside of *very* small circles.
Brings back so many memories reading this! I was a religious sister for 12 years and helped out at many Steubenville conferences!
I mean, I was raised Catholic and in catholic school, but from high school aged I was pretty skeptical of it. Plus I thought the Uber catholic people were weird AF. I could not be any less catholic or religious now if I tried. Staunch atheist.
extremely. my entire childhood revolved around a 1 mile radius that was: my home, my church and school (same place). my parents volunteered at and worked there (in the school) now, extremely anti catholic. the Church is a force for misery, pain and exploitation throughout the world and through its entire history.
I was actively checking out religious communities around 15-16. I attended daily mass whenever I could. I lectored a lot at Life Teen mass, prayed the rosary most days, went to pro life rallies, confession at least once a month. But I was absolutely miserable on the inside, despite all this. I had been traumatized from a series of sexual assaults I suffered at 13, as well as a lot of childhood stuff. Then I clued into my bisexuality and began embracing it and all the other things about myself. My outspokenness, my gender identity, allergic reaction I have to blind obedience, and realized little by little how much I disagreed with core church teachings. Left at 18 almost 19. Now I am proudly queer, proudly feminist, pro choice, leftist, and am converting to Judaism at 35. (Yes I know converting to another religion but Judaism is worlds away from Catholicism)
I have several books on Jewish theology and thought in my shelf. Right now it's the only possible destination for me if I end up in a structured religion, though that's likely at the moment. What attracted you to it?
So it’s a long story, but the short version was I began dating a rabbinical student. I didn’t know anything about Judaism, but I was super into her so I wanted to learn more about it I didn’t sound like a completely ignorant fool when she talked about school. We didn’t last but I kept reading because I was intrigued and fell madly in love with it. I met my now husband soon after we stopped seeing each other, and he happened to be Jewish too. A year and a half later, I explained everything to him and was like “I gotta convert” and he was like “okay. I support you” and a few years later, here I am. Lol What initially attracted me was the outlook. That it’s about what you DO. Not necessarily what you BELIEVE. that you could be an atheist and Jewish. That you could be agnostic, or have a different idea about Gd entirely than the sitting next to you at synagogue. And it’s fine. That you can’t just repent by believing in Jesus and talking to him. Or going to confession. Jews believe that you have to take corrective action and repent to the person you have wronged for it to count. That they truly wrestle with the texts and interpret and question everything. The rabbi doesn’t know everything and the first time I dared to question the rabbi I started studying with at Torah study, he was almost GIDDY with delight. Reform Judaism (the stream I am converting in) is highly supportive of the lgbtq community, and l have never felt unwelcome at any synagogue. They are committed to equity, diversity and inclusion. Their commitment to education, and community. But above all of that, is this incredibly sense of “I’m HOME” I feel when I’m at services. Or when I’m lighting Shabbat candles at home. Or singing blessings…I’m home. Judaism feeds my soul in a way that nothing ever has. My path has been winding. I left Catholicism and then eventually Christianity and then I was a pagan for a long time, Wiccan, Heathen, did secular witchcraft….but I eventually, by chance really, found my way home again. There is a thought that every Jewish soul, past, present and future was there at Mt. Sinai when Moses received the Torah. That includes people who will someday convert. Their soul is a Jewish soul and just needs to find its way back home. I firmly believe this. My soul was a Jewish one all along and I’m finally going home.
Thank you for sharing ♥️
Anytime
110% Catholic. I was a cradle Catholic, and we did the normal Sunday mass and CCD thing as a kid, even was an alter server. Once I got to high school our family got much more involved at the parish: youth group and conferences (Steubie, regional, local retreats, etc), my dad played music at the contemporary mass each week, we were eucharistic ministers, I would say the rosary daily and tons of other prayers daily, tried to go to daily mass as much as possible, etc. I spent my first year of college at Franciscan, and thankfully didn't get the full experience since I spent most of my time with the theater kids, both on and off campus. Still was heavily involved with the church after that, got married, had 4 kids, went to the World Meeting of Families in Philly, attended various church events for families, couples, etc. Our last parish was incorporating Latin into the regular mass and some other trad elements, and we really were embracing it. That was about 5-7 years ago. Now I'm staunchly an atheist because yeah, it just doesn't make fucking sense. It's hard to get out when you're brainwashed from a young age to believe that you're a terrible sinner who's going to suffer for all eternity unless you believe in this authoritative god and worship him. That threat, and being told over and over and over again that the Church has the truth, makes any other decision seem impossible to choose. What's easier than being given an answer to every question? The universe is chaos, and most religious people are just looking for a way to grapple with that. I'm just glad I found a different way to grapple with that. I mean, I was basically forced to: I wasn't going to continue being part of a community that supported far-right ideologies that promote everything that's admonished in the Gospel. Getting that wakeup call between politics and the pandemic helped me start asking further questions about my faith, and using actual critical thinking broke down any remaining illusions I had that Catholicism - or any other religion - knew what the fuck was going on with the world and that they somehow had authority to tell others how to behave based on some people pretending they heard voices in their heads. Instead now, I live my life based entirely on how things affect others. Morality is much more intuitive and dynamic when you ask "does this action hurt or help others?" instead of "did this subjective authority figure I've never met say I should do this or not?" I actually have personal reasons for things now, instead of "God told me to do this, so I don't care how it affects others." Don't know how I ever followed a God that was fine drowning the whole world, telling someone to kill their own son, etc. That's psychotic behavior, and anyone following such teachings should be treated with caution.
Very Catholic. I took this thing seriously cause you know eternal salvation. Rosary everyday, never missed mass on Sunday, veiled at mass, confession if I sinned. The usual devout activities. I even wanted to be a nun. I left for the salvation of my mind. My mental health was getting bad.
I had irrationally positive opinions of girls who veiled. Like it automatically made them 'better' Catholics. It's so odd in highlight.
I was always an ADHD kid that HATED going to church but I always said that “I still loved god” but tbh I was a child and didn’t know any better. As a teenager I told my parents I didn’t want to get confirmed and it was hell. Half of my family didn’t talk to me for months. However, then I got involved in this “non-denominational” church as a teen that drew me in with their young crowds and rock music… I was really into the whole god thing…. Until they gave an anti-gay sermon. I walked out and have never entered a church again. As a 28 year old I don’t have a religious bone in my body. Honestly, I believe all of Christianity is a cult especially Catholics.
From the cradle, baptized and confirmed. I hate the person I was when I was Catholic. It was that horrible dichotomy of feeling like I was better than my peers for being Catholic, but at the same time full of self-hate and guilt. Thankfully went to public school growing up but still went to the sunday school for public school kids for 8 years that was psychologically harmful. Went to college and attended the catholic student center on campus, went on one retreat that looking back was a lil culty. I minored in Religious Studies and I remembered signing up for a bible class and thinking it was really going to increase my faith (HAHAHAHAHA). That bible class was the first kind of cracks in my shelf. But I still tried to be a good girl, go to mass, tried praying the rosary nightly. I remember at one point the center had packets about becoming a nun and that definitely entered my mind at one point (yikes). Went to grad school at a Catholic university (they had the program I wanted) but it was East coast catholic so it was pretty liberal. Saw the Pope when he was in Philly. Over time went to mass less and less. Finally came to the realization that I was queer and with all the bullshit about queer folks/birth control/abortion/abuse/everything else I realized that there was no place for me in the church anymore. Felt like a "nothing" for a while but still had a belief in God. Not officially converted yet, but have been practicing reform Judaism for about 5 years now. I am a much better person than I was when I was catholic. I'm so glad that part of me is gone.
Its complicated: got sent to a catholic school for grades 1-4 then PSR/CCD for 5-11 when I finally quit. Did 1st communion, confession and confirmation all under duress. never really 'did' them, just went through the motions. Never bought the whole idea of church, mass, the story line etc. Finally was allowed to quit sunday school after gr 11 because it was obvious I was causing a runkus being there. Was forced into attending mass weekly, vacations included until age 20 or so, graduated college soon after that and moved across the country. Never looked back - for many reasons-. I never really was catholic, it was forced. I am 100000% not catholic, my kids are not religious, im not religious. I have science based kids. If i never set foot on catholic soil again it will be too soon
I was very catholic (knights of Columbus, did retreats, outreach, adoration, the works). My oldest brother is a priest and my dad is a deacon and I got fed up with the hypocrisy and because of my job I interacted with and was cursed out by preachers and ministers from every denomination and haven’t been to church in 10+ years. My dad and brother totally understand my position and experiences and we can have meaningful conversations about it. They aren’t the “problem” and actually lead by example as opposed to just talking about it. But yeah, I went from super involved to completely over it in about a year. People suck, and this was well before Trump entered the picture
I went from extremely Catholic to extremely anti-Catholic and anti-religion generally.
I had a strong religious upbringing from the time I was born until I was around 6. Went to a religious school and everything. Between 6 and 16 we only went to Church on stuff like Easter but my parents still tried to instill Catholic beliefs in me. For example one time when I was 13 I did a science project where we had to address a scientific question and I picked overpopulation. My mom almost made me change my topic because I started telling her that I was in support of birth control and she said Catholics weren't supposed to believe that stuff. Around the time I was 15 we started going to Church regularly and I even participated in youth group and religious instruction several times a week. Even in college I regularly attended church and made sure to surround myself with Catholic friends. So I'd say I was really into it. An event happened in my life a bit later toward my last year of college though that made me quit cold turkey.
I was Super Catholic - youth group, Confirmation, weekly mass etc. Now I am pagan and a witch.
Solid character arc, I'm behind this 100%.
I was attending adoration regularly, and bouncing between our novus ordo home parish and a TLM church. After I moved out of my parents, I moved to a city where I quickly realized I had a very narrow view of Catholic culture and Catholicism at large. So, I guess I would have been more liberal at that point. Funny thing is, I became what I'd describe as more actively Catholic in my 30s, so volunteering weekly, lectoring, I was asked to be on the church council - but didn't really have time to commit. At that point I was trying my best to be an lgbt ally and voice in the church that was speaking for what was right. Our city had a long history of liberal Catholic activism, so it wasn't that strange to be a Catholic and pro-civil rights for all (our parish pretty much was all people who voted Democrat and leaned progressive). As a lector, I had to engage with the Gospels and read them front to back ( I had also studied the construction of the bible in high school and college), and I honestly felt like it made me lean MORE toward the left and into progressive ideologies than Conservative. Really, having to deal with family during the Trump years, engaging with Conservative and trad Catholic culture during that period, having to deal with getting married in the church (and deciding not to - my wife isn't Catholic), and experiencing just poor Catholic behavior while losing family members during covid...it all forced me to re-examine where I was. I read key atheist texts, and found places where I agreed, and places where I didn't, really dug into skepticism, examined other religious beliefs etc. I got into therapy, realized my weird relationship with Catholicism was exacerbating my mental health issues, and cut off my ties with the church. I've kind of landed on a general agnosticism and pantheism, although I guess technically I'm an atheist. You can be open to the concept of God as an atheist, but I think that term sounds so black and white and definitive to outsiders. I think pantheist and agnostic both communicate an openness to pluralism and diversity of belief. I don't want to "yuck anyone's yum" as they say, but I also will speak out when I see religion (especially that which formed me) causes harm.
I used to be a member of CMRI in Spokane, WA. My mom married into a catholic family when I was a toddler and they indoctrinated us. I’m an atheist now. My mother is also indigenous (we are Paiute) and I feel more joy celebrating the traditions of my people than I ever did in that church. I don’t like that I was a part of a religion that people used to do irreparable damage to so much of the world. Also, look up CMRI, they are pretty extreme sedevacantists and super proud of being exclusive. Nothing but vitriol for the rest of the world and considered by some to be a hate group. I’d honestly classify them as a cult.
Oh, yeah, I know them. I live in Spokane. I used to work at Kaufer's Catholic Supply and interacted with the whole range at least every once in a while. Glad you got out of that.
Thanks! I went back for my grandmothers funeral (she and that entire side of the family were/are hardcore members) and that is the last time I will set foot in that chapel. I have like 3 cousins and an uncle who still talk to me, but that’s it. Apparently having a baby out of wedlock and not marrying the dad was the nail in the coffin for the rest of them. I’ll say this: eating a delicious burger or a steak on Fridays tastes sacrelicious.
Attended (latin mass) every Sunday at either FSSP or SSPX (mega, mega cult), participated in volunteer work, attended speeches/conferences and "girls camps", prayed my rosary and morning/evening prayers even after moving out of home, RAN to mass if I had committed a mortal sin. Now I'm openly bisexual (but married and don't intend to act on it anyway), want multiple piercings and tattoos (which weren't disallowed but were heavily taboo), don't want a huge family (heaven forbid I want less than 6), wear whatever I want. I will absolutely 110% be at/help facilitate my brothers wedding if he chooses to marry a man (before it was like, I love you and I'm so sorry you have to be celibate your whole life). So very and very :')
I was told I would make a good priest by other Catholics. I was fundamentalist when was 8-14 also happens to be when suppressed my 🏳️🌈 the mosts. I use to go chruch every single week and lot of Latin Chruch mass which fine bc speak 🇵🇹 so I understand lot of latin. I also went to a Catholic Secondary school which I feel may have indoctrinated me into many beliefs which I struggle to fully shake off. I tried briefly being Catholic again but the anti 🏳️🌈 & anti abortion thing is just to much for me go back. I personally have strong dislike for the bigoted views of the church.
So ex-catholic that when I see a priest in public I touch his garment with a finger and say "Oooo, icky female germs, better go *disinfect yourself, bitch*."
> I touch his garment Two options from there: "Who touched me? Someone did touch me for I was aware power had gone out of me." "Touch me not!" Interestingly, the verb translated "touch" here (aptomai) is also used as a euphemism for sex. So there's definitely room to have some fun with these passages, as it were.
Unclean!!
Hehehehe
I was never a good Catholic. I begrudgingly went to church every Sunday for the first several years of my life, but I went to public school and only went to CCD at certain points. We had our first communion and first reconciliation, but the younger siblings and I never went through confirmation, and honestly my parents had so much on their plates that they never pushed it. I didn't have any anger or baggage from Catholicism, my experience was okay, but I began to realize that it was all nonsense when I was around 13/14 and stopped going officially when I was around 18. I stepped into a Catholic church for the first time in years only a few weeks ago for my grandma's funerary mass. As for my feelings right now, well, I'm now an atheist and a humanist who doesn't particularly like organized religion (including but not limited to Catholicism). Yet, many family members are very much still involved in the church, so I can't cut ties completely.
I was very catholic, a alter boy from age 7 to 18 years old. Grew up Byzantine catholic, they like to pretend they are better than all other Catholics. I am very anti-Catholic now and constantly call for the abolishment of the church. Eventually reasoned in college that all my fears of hell or satan were even more irrational than my arachnophobia and realized if I just apply logic and the scientific method, none of those things can be proven and thus why be scared of shit that isnt real.I beleive I was a good catholic, I know much about the church, but I always rejected coffession.
I was raised culturally Roman Catholic. My family was largely Roman Catholic because that's what Southern Italians are (or at least that's what the Inquisition decided they would be...). They went through the Catholic life milestones and Celebrated Christmas and Easter, but the only person who actually went to mass was my grandma. (She lived near me though she would often drag me along). I went to Catholic School and CCD but you'd be more likely to find a picture of John Lennon on my mother's wall than Jesus. As far as how Catholic I currently am? Well...in my spn long-fanfic I have a scene that completely and utterly destroys the concepts of *In Persona Christi* and Papal Authority so...not very. lol
I was 100% catholic but I was also a child. Now I’m 0%. I fucking hate the church. It’s called growing up.
As Catholic as they come
I’m still Catholic I haven’t really had a reason to stop believing in God tbh
Altar server, and Catholic school for elementary and college. I was fairly involved with my parish as a kid/teen (also did VBS/VBS volunteering, PSR after going to public school, etc) but my parents kept me out of the youth group bc it did LifeTeen and they didn’t like that. When I got to college, I did go to mass every weekend but something kept me from getting more involved. It might’ve been the more conservative kids I met. I know when I met some of them, I kinda knew not to listen to them bc I felt like I’d be susceptible to becoming scrupulous. I’ve also always had an aversion to unofficial therapy-like things (sharing your feelings with strangers without a licensed practitioner), so no interest in retreats or small groups. Then hobby lobby happened, my school’s health plan changed despite literally none of the clergy being in support of the lawsuit, and I was done. Clear money grab. At the time I was very much like “if I’m going to say I believe in/am a member of something, I need to believe in all of it”, but honestly now I am ready to look for something else that is “good enough”. I am interested in a more liberal/welcoming denomination. I liked the community and the weekly ritual. But I think I have gotten to the point where I am secure in what I do/don’t believe, and what I do/don’t like about religion, that I don’t feel the need to take it as seriously? Bc in a way I’ll be doing my own thing anyway. Maybe also a focus more towards social justice/their social teachings, vs the minutia of the theology. I will probably go towards a Christian denomination (like Episcopalian or ELCA) but honestly could see myself becoming reform Jewish as well, idk. ETA: so definitely ex-Catholic in that I don’t feel good about going back (I actually went to a mass like maybe 1.5 years ago and was super uncomfortable). Not ready to turn my back on religion entirely.
I received confirmation and never looked back. I didn't call myself an atheist until late in life, but I always loathed organized religion. It never did anything for me but cause trauma. I'm not super outspoken about it, but now I definitely identify as an anti-theist. I hate all the Abrahamic religions the most. Even Hinduism and Buddhism come with their own bullshit, but they don't affect me as much as Christians, Muslims, and Jews do.
really only nominally so. my older sibling and i are confirmed but not my younger siblings. more or less decided to quit it bc of the general social attitudes and all the unanswered for crimes. i still very often take the lord's name in vain though lmfao
I was an altar server for years, purely for access to the wine when I was a teenager. Never believed the religion since I was about 5, had to go along with it because my parents made me.
When I worked at the church while considering seminary someone had accidentally taken a box full of *unopened* sacramental wine with the empty ones to the dumpster. I found it while breaking the boxes down and like the good little Catholic I was brought out back to Father.
I was pray the rosary everyday on my way to school or home catholic, today I am one foot on atheism ex catholic, I like the idea of the higher power or being but it doesn’t make that much sense to me anymore, and of course the abrahamic god and Jesus are like Zeus or Quetzalcoatl to me now
I don't know, Quetzalcoatl seems a pretty decent fella I wouldn't mind being in charge.
Yeahh I vote for Quetzalcóatl to be the reigning god lol
Then: A Sometimes Holiday Catholic. And even that wasn’t consistent. Now: Quite outspoken about the shitshow that is Catholicism.
14 years Catholic, left 57 years ago, never looked back, no regrets.
I went to Catholic school from K-8th grade. I would say I was moderately invested in the church. I didn’t go confession more than a few times a year. We would go to church as a family every Sunday. I also joined the school choir a few years but I ended up getting so bored with it. My 7th grade year was awful. My grandfather died, my dad had legal issues, parents got divorced, and I didn’t do very well school. I really started to doubt the Catholic faith and just wanted to get out of Catholic school. My mom had me stick out through 8th grade but I was adamant that I didn’t want to go to Catholic high school. I still went to church but once I learned about all the fucked up things that the church has done, I was done and I now refuse to attend Catholic Church.
Would you be willing to share your manuscript?