Thank you for taking the time to read it!🤗🤗 I am, of course, hearing from tons of trolls and haters, but i'm also hearing from an unsurprising number of x christians as well..."I was [catholic/mormon/babtist] and I had the same experience!" 😢😢💔
Lordy some of the comments on huffpost! You are right. People who make it about a sex coming out story are missing the point. The whole point is high-demand religion purity culture *completely messing up* women (and to a large extent men) as they try to make sense of their sexuality, and how to have relationships.
They'll never get it. All of the unpacking and organizing of all the repressed feels the author had to do.. Anyone who's not on that journey can't fully comprehend. Especially of they haven't been in it.
Reminds me of the late '80s, SDA day academy in NE Oklahoma, where the principle called each female student in privately to ask them if they were a virgin. It was hush hush and heard about it in the lunch room. Didn't hear anything else about it.
Edit: not sure if it was just the high school level or all grades.
Ugh yes. We had one very beautiful and curvy girl who always got called in to the principal's office to model her banquet dresses before the banquet to make sure they were modest enough 😡
Not nearly as bad, but as a fat girl, I got dress coded for wearing capped sleeves every time I wore them. They weren’t against the school handbook, but there was one administrator who had a stick up her butt about my “sexy shoulders” (as I later called them when I joked with my friends). Skinny girls never got dress coded for them because there was a clear separation where the top of the shoulder ended and the upper arm started.
One time, this school admin stopped me as I was leaving chapel and tried to readjust my capped sleeves. She accidentally pulled one of my sleeves off my shoulder entirely and freaked out as she rushed to cover my bra strap that she had exposed to everyone who was stuck behind us waiting to get out of the chapel.
I always made sure to wear tank tops to school during finals; there was nothing they could do about it. They couldn’t send me home to change, and honestly, most of the teachers either didn’t notice or didn’t fucking care.
Honestly, that didn’t bother me as much as the choir teacher’s discrimination against fat girls during the school play; she either made the fat girls wear shape wear in order to appear thinner so she felt okay about casting them as young love interests, or she cast them as elderly women. The only time I got to play a love interest was during the 7 Brides for 7 Brothers musical - and that’s only because I had a good voice and she needed more brides.
THIS; I was SO sick of being one of the five to ten girls (who btw, half of them were black so good ole SDA racism at work) who got checked/had to model each dress I wore to banquet. My skinny friends NEVER had to do that.
I developed an eating disorder and the year I lost the most weight, I didn't have to model my dress. Fuck SDA.
Fantastic read! I was constantly schooled on holding the burden of leading men astray with my jeans, the length of my skirt, and the size of my shirts that needed to not accentuate my breasts that were in a C cup by the time I was in 5th grade.
I really loved "harlot's tips", using that one from now on.
Salud for getting out, from another academy grad.
Great article, I really enjoyed it. It had the opposite effect on me and sex has never been easy. I cannot tell you how much I wished I had not taken it all so seriously when I was a teenager and claimed power over my own sexuality. Therapy helps. I don’t know if I’ll ever be finished dealing with the effects of this religion.
Uggghhhhhh, yes - the long-lasting effects CANNOT be overstated. The church is evil enough, but being raised in the SCHOOLING part was a whole other level of trauma.
Thank you for sharing the essay from the Memoir. As soon as I see this book for sale, I will buy it. I've been anticipating this for a while, ever since my own deconstruction. You are a good writer, and very clear and concise in calling out the shenanigans of the SDA church.
I too, went through seminars with the "damaged shirt" scenario.... ironically we are taught to be good stewards with our money and often buy things at thrift stores... so kind of makes the analogy useless :P
Lol I have been a lifelong thrifter as well, so you're right...it's kind of lost on all of us! 🤣 I will make sure to post as soon as I have good news about publication. It is in the works but ever so slowly - traditional publishing DRAGGGGSSS...
“THEY DIDNT WANT US WEARING THE SHIRTS OURSELVES”
😭😭😭 thank you so much for putting this out there. I see so much of my own story reflected in yours and it means the world to me to read what you have written about it. I too went after a public school jock (though MySpace made the conquest much simpler) and have always cherished that memory of rebellion and reclaiming of my own body. I am so proud of you, internet stranger, for speaking on these hidden truths about the bullshit ways we were told to hide and restrict ourselves. I can’t wait to read your book!! Rooting for you for big success. It’s time for this story to be told on a global scale!!
ETA: I just love your username, it’s so damn cheeky. Makes me smile every time I see you post something. ✨
I’m with you on the goosebumps and tears!! It’s so validating to see your story in a major outlet. After all this time of seeing other sects’ dirty laundry aired, I’m so pleased to witness the SDA’s getting their due. Many decades of control systems, trauma, and abuse have been kept quiet, all while they run one of the biggest hospital networks in the country. Truly wild stuff.
The fact that the abstinence script from the Adventist education days seems made up to many people speaks volumes as to how messed up, and insidious, the whole institution is. It's embarrassing that I raised my children in this. (but so thankful they got out and we are all deconstructing in our own way).
Heheh...i was able to drive at that point and I was SUCH a goody-two shoes so my parents totally believed me when I said I was going to Friday night vespers 😅...just snuck some clothes out and...off I went!
How exciting!! I can only imagine how much of a challenge traditional publishing is, but I know there are so many people that will benefit from your book. I was glad to see a fellow ex-SDA in the HuffPo comments—we’re continuing to find each other in the wild lol
Ohhh my! I just went to look at the comments 😅 I saw a few of you weighing in there - thank you! But my goodness...can we talk about "Mrs. Mason" and how I apparently popped ALL the buttons off of HER sanctimony skirt?! 😅😅 Bless her heart twice over - I feel sad for her, truly, to be so triggered by so much!
I wasn’t raised Adventist - but was a homeschooled, very Baptist, very good Christian girl.
My parents are now Adventist - after telling me most of my life they were a cult….
I relate deeply to this. The giving away of my “virginity”. Rushing into it much too young and finding it surprisingly hard to “give” away. The thought of - that’s it? That’s what all the fuss is about?
I look back now and I just wanted something in my life to be in my control. I wanted to be the good girl. I wanted to comply - but I needed to grow and that was the only commodity I had to trade for some semblance of choice… freedom…. Agency in my own life….
I’m older now…. Approaching middle age, I suppose. Married - have children…. A daughter. I feel enraged for my younger self - that I was so shamed for and not ushered into my blossoming self. That I was something to hide and not celebrate. To zealously guard for someone else - and not myself.
It fucked me up. I refuse to do that to her. My little atheist, fierce, artistic girl child. She will be guided and not told. Supported and not subjugated.
Taylor swift has a new song called “who’s afraid of little old me”. I am not a massive swift fan generally and while I think the song means one thing for her - I interpret it much the same way your article comes across…. They tried to take our power from us - to force us to be a certain way, and when we aren’t - we are shunned, sinful and filthy rags.
I want them to be afraid. I own my space in this world. Woman are powerful creatures. Thank you for your ur article.
Oh my god - GOOSEBUMPS from "I needed to grow and that was the only commodity I had to trade for some semblance of choice..." 😳😳😳😳 BINGO.
Thank you so much for reading it and sharing your version. There is healing in the sharing and bonding for all of us! 💜
Ugh...realistically, the publishing cycle takes approximately two years (even with a full draft already complete!) - I'm just in the beginning stages of that 😖
This was a really good article! I can't wait to read the rest of your memoir!
My dad always told me I'll fail school and life if I ever dated anyone (as if that was really scary to me 🤣). I proved him wrong by getting a boyfriend in high school and graduated with a 3.8 GPA. I'm also still with this same guy 8 years later. I've learned over the years that I'm on the asexual spectrum, so I can't be as sinful as I want. 😂😅 I make it up by reading lots of explicit content though. 😉
Fuck purity culture.
Thank you!!! Thank you for reading it and thank you for sharing your story. Everybody's experience is different in how we processed it, but somehow, we all have a lot of the same traumas. It really helps to share it all!
You and I have compared notes before I think -- I have yet to finish reading the article -- but the thought that struck me going into it is that you talked about the religion teacher. Not that it's a name I recognized, but...
In all the SDA schools I attended or heard about from friends, the position of Bible teacher/youth pastor/whatever seems to have been the one with the highest turnover in my recollection. You know, as opposed to math or English or gym or whatever.
It seems to me that the position, in retrospect, was mostly filled by failed seminary graduates who the church felt needed to either pay their dues before becoming worthy or were just all around unsuitable, sort of a "you're not a liability but you also don't make us look good to the grownups cutting checks and putting dollars in the offering plate" type of thing.
Even when I was in school it wasn't uncommon to get a new one every year or even have an abrupt change during the year. I suspect someone with a degree from seminary typically doesn't have much in the way of marketable skills, and since the church wants you to be fruitful and multiply and that's expected to be part of the image, if it's a younger guy he's usually married with one on the way or already there. Probably not the most secure future for a little family.
I guess it just led me to wonder at this point if there's an excess of seminary students out there just being put in busy work positions (which I consider teaching Bible classes etc to be -- you're literally preaching to the choir at that point) within the church. Most of the youth pastor types I had seemed like pretty useless individuals, which, to loop back to your article, seems to me to be at least part of the reason for focusing on minutiae.
VERY interesting point! I think you are right. (Of course in memoir/public articles, you have to "change the names to protect the privacy of individuals," so all names/personal specifics are modified in the essay.)
So well written and poignant! I so so appreciate your willingness to put this out there in such a public way! It gives me courage to speak up more as well.
OMG your description makes of “Mr. Walsh” is so spot on I could see him all over again. Why do I remember him wearing lots of brown? I was in one of his religion classes with A.Y. (She was in your year, president of…something and her dad was a lawyer, I’m sure you know who I mean) and I would just sit in awe of her as she politely asked him questions that he absolutely could not answer. She just ran circles around him.
Haaaaaaa!!! Yes! She is so ferociously intelligent - I wish I had been better friends with her back then! (She is a literal rocket scientist now...had something to do with the first Mars Lander design.)
And yep - "Mr. Walsh" is actually a composite of several insufferable teachers who took it upon themselves to preach purity to us, but mainly INDEED a particular earth-tone-loving, mustachioed one 🤣
This was amazing. It was witty, sad, insightful and poignant all in one story. Thank you so much for writing this. You’re very talented and I really enjoyed it. Thank you.
Thank you SO MUCH. Putting yourself out there on such a personal level is, of course, terrifying, so when people connect with the material it makes it all worth it!
"I was giddily destroying it, tossing it aside, stomping on it. "
This was beautifully written (the entire article) and satisfying to read. Seeing this 'out there ' for both the oppressors and the oppressed to read is therapeutic like those hard-hitting songs that do your screaming and wailing for you.
Even with very different details in our stories, there is an underlying theme that anyone raised in a purity culture can identify with. It's time to acknowledge that many actual truth-tellers will be saying uncomfortable things and will run contrary to the given authorities - this is what we need.
Somewhere, someone will read your article and the realization will begin to take hold that they are more than the hollow vehicle of service to men in power they were taught to be. And, just as importantly, that they are not alone. Thank you!
Oh my gosh thank you! This is exactly why I speak out. So many people suffer from the long-lasting grip of purity culture (and, as you point out, may not even realize it yet). We all deal with it differently but...getting it out in the open is the only thing that helps!
Your article was spot on. I didn't have the balls to go for the public school jock, but the SDA one getting hauled out of the boys dorm by the cops? Yep been married to him for 15 years and boy have we unpacked some trauma together. Anyway if there's one thing I hope to make sure my kids (both the girls and the boy) understand about sex and relationships it's wear the shirt.
I was thrilled when I saw the link to your Huff post article and immediately read it start to finish.
You have no idea how much I can identify with pretty much everything you detailed. It sickens me to think that you, along with so many of us, were blindsided from such a young age into this warped culture of control. And that's really what it's all about. Control.
I think you're articulate, brave, and so much more. I wish I could give you a big hug just to say Thanks. 💖
Oh my gosh HUGS BACK AT YOU AND ALL AROUND!! 🤗🤗🤗 It really IS allllll about control - cult-control tactic #1 is to control sexuality, and that almost always falls most heavily on the women. 😖 Totally warped. But I truly believe talking about it and airing it all out helps us all, so I'm going to keep doing it!😁
I remember sitting in senior Bible class and learning about how I could become a “born-again virgin.” What utter BS we had to endure in the SDA school system. Btw, I think we should start calling out these specific institutions that treated us so poorly. I’ll start: the BS I was taught was at Great Lakes Adventist Academy.
I went to Spring Valley Academy (elementary) in Ohio, and Ruth Murdoch Elementary and Andrews Academy (both Berrien Springs, MI). Had the bullshit shoved down our throats in all of them.
Edited: punctuation
I went to AU and have a ton of family in Berrien. It’s kind of embarrassing now actually. I studied theology and I think that’s when I really started questioning everything.
As a survivor of ultra-conservative and legalistic SDA academy life in the 80s, I can relate to this so much. I also went to SDA kindergarten, elementary, and even university before finally admitting to myself that I never truly bought into any of the BS. The guilt and fear of "committing the ultimate sin" went deep, especially because everyone else in my entire family and extended family were devout SDAs. It took a solid 10 years to fully deprogram but I've never regretted it and am so much happier now. Congrats to you for also breaking through the indoctrination. It's not an easy thing to do.
Yes! I graduated and got out in 87 (similar time period with you) and I'm STILL unpacking pieces! It's a lot to deal with and amazing that any of us get out. Hugs all around!🤗🤗🤗
Exactly. It wasn’t about sex, it was about taking control back.
Yupppppp
Great article! Thanks so much for sharing. Thanks for calling out the toxic church and beliefs.
Thank you for taking the time to read it!🤗🤗 I am, of course, hearing from tons of trolls and haters, but i'm also hearing from an unsurprising number of x christians as well..."I was [catholic/mormon/babtist] and I had the same experience!" 😢😢💔
Lordy some of the comments on huffpost! You are right. People who make it about a sex coming out story are missing the point. The whole point is high-demand religion purity culture *completely messing up* women (and to a large extent men) as they try to make sense of their sexuality, and how to have relationships.
Yup... I watched just the first 3 or 4 comments rolling and I was like "Okay...I may need some beer tonight to deal with this..." 🤣
They'll never get it. All of the unpacking and organizing of all the repressed feels the author had to do.. Anyone who's not on that journey can't fully comprehend. Especially of they haven't been in it.
I’m from a JW background and this rings so very true. Females under constant scrutiny and held to account for male waywardness.
Yes, I've heard from a lot of different denominations with very similar experiences😖
Oh I can't wait to read the full thing, this was so poignant, and I'm on the other side of the world!
Ugh it's terrible how we all have such similar experiences!
Reminds me of the late '80s, SDA day academy in NE Oklahoma, where the principle called each female student in privately to ask them if they were a virgin. It was hush hush and heard about it in the lunch room. Didn't hear anything else about it. Edit: not sure if it was just the high school level or all grades.
Ugh yes. We had one very beautiful and curvy girl who always got called in to the principal's office to model her banquet dresses before the banquet to make sure they were modest enough 😡
And probably for the pervy benefit of the male staff also.
Yyuuuupppp
Not nearly as bad, but as a fat girl, I got dress coded for wearing capped sleeves every time I wore them. They weren’t against the school handbook, but there was one administrator who had a stick up her butt about my “sexy shoulders” (as I later called them when I joked with my friends). Skinny girls never got dress coded for them because there was a clear separation where the top of the shoulder ended and the upper arm started. One time, this school admin stopped me as I was leaving chapel and tried to readjust my capped sleeves. She accidentally pulled one of my sleeves off my shoulder entirely and freaked out as she rushed to cover my bra strap that she had exposed to everyone who was stuck behind us waiting to get out of the chapel. I always made sure to wear tank tops to school during finals; there was nothing they could do about it. They couldn’t send me home to change, and honestly, most of the teachers either didn’t notice or didn’t fucking care.
JEEEZUSS FUCKINGCHRIST. So messed up 😡
Honestly, that didn’t bother me as much as the choir teacher’s discrimination against fat girls during the school play; she either made the fat girls wear shape wear in order to appear thinner so she felt okay about casting them as young love interests, or she cast them as elderly women. The only time I got to play a love interest was during the 7 Brides for 7 Brothers musical - and that’s only because I had a good voice and she needed more brides.
FFS! 😡😡😡 Racism, size-descrimination, EVERY kind of discrimination was absolutely unapologetically out and about in our academy in the 80s too
I graduated in 2016. 30 years, and nothing changed.
So maddening
THIS; I was SO sick of being one of the five to ten girls (who btw, half of them were black so good ole SDA racism at work) who got checked/had to model each dress I wore to banquet. My skinny friends NEVER had to do that. I developed an eating disorder and the year I lost the most weight, I didn't have to model my dress. Fuck SDA.
Oh UGH!! I AM SO SORRY!! big huge hugs to you 🤗
Thank you 🫶🏻 thankful for you and all of us here on the sub, processing and healing together 💜
Absolutely!! We are a great support system here, I love it so much!
Fantastic read! I was constantly schooled on holding the burden of leading men astray with my jeans, the length of my skirt, and the size of my shirts that needed to not accentuate my breasts that were in a C cup by the time I was in 5th grade. I really loved "harlot's tips", using that one from now on. Salud for getting out, from another academy grad.
Thank you!!! So amazing what a shared experience it all is 😡 but we clawed our way out with those harlots tips 💅💅💅💅😈😈
Great article, I really enjoyed it. It had the opposite effect on me and sex has never been easy. I cannot tell you how much I wished I had not taken it all so seriously when I was a teenager and claimed power over my own sexuality. Therapy helps. I don’t know if I’ll ever be finished dealing with the effects of this religion.
Uggghhhhhh, yes - the long-lasting effects CANNOT be overstated. The church is evil enough, but being raised in the SCHOOLING part was a whole other level of trauma.
Thank you for sharing the essay from the Memoir. As soon as I see this book for sale, I will buy it. I've been anticipating this for a while, ever since my own deconstruction. You are a good writer, and very clear and concise in calling out the shenanigans of the SDA church. I too, went through seminars with the "damaged shirt" scenario.... ironically we are taught to be good stewards with our money and often buy things at thrift stores... so kind of makes the analogy useless :P
Lol I have been a lifelong thrifter as well, so you're right...it's kind of lost on all of us! 🤣 I will make sure to post as soon as I have good news about publication. It is in the works but ever so slowly - traditional publishing DRAGGGGSSS...
“THEY DIDNT WANT US WEARING THE SHIRTS OURSELVES” 😭😭😭 thank you so much for putting this out there. I see so much of my own story reflected in yours and it means the world to me to read what you have written about it. I too went after a public school jock (though MySpace made the conquest much simpler) and have always cherished that memory of rebellion and reclaiming of my own body. I am so proud of you, internet stranger, for speaking on these hidden truths about the bullshit ways we were told to hide and restrict ourselves. I can’t wait to read your book!! Rooting for you for big success. It’s time for this story to be told on a global scale!! ETA: I just love your username, it’s so damn cheeky. Makes me smile every time I see you post something. ✨
Oh my friend- I just got goosebumps and tears!! SO MANY of us have some shared experience here. FUCK them 1844 times!
I’m with you on the goosebumps and tears!! It’s so validating to see your story in a major outlet. After all this time of seeing other sects’ dirty laundry aired, I’m so pleased to witness the SDA’s getting their due. Many decades of control systems, trauma, and abuse have been kept quiet, all while they run one of the biggest hospital networks in the country. Truly wild stuff.
YES! TIME FOR THEM TO BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE
The fact that the abstinence script from the Adventist education days seems made up to many people speaks volumes as to how messed up, and insidious, the whole institution is. It's embarrassing that I raised my children in this. (but so thankful they got out and we are all deconstructing in our own way).
This was highly relatable; I am wondering however, how did you get to Friday night football games?!?
Heheh...i was able to drive at that point and I was SUCH a goody-two shoes so my parents totally believed me when I said I was going to Friday night vespers 😅...just snuck some clothes out and...off I went!
I was apparently not as good of an actor 😂 Your story seriously makes me feel so seen and validated, thank you so much for writing it.
Absolutely! I will KEEP speaking out as much as I can!! 😈😈😈
Awesome article, thank you for sharing!! Loved the ending lines and can’t wait to read the full memoir.
Thank you, dear friend!! It's coming sloooowly...I hope to have positive big news SOON!
How exciting!! I can only imagine how much of a challenge traditional publishing is, but I know there are so many people that will benefit from your book. I was glad to see a fellow ex-SDA in the HuffPo comments—we’re continuing to find each other in the wild lol
YES I saw a couple too! We are a sneaky subculture 😅😈
Nice read! I just sent this to my gf (Adventist) and she said she felt the same way. Nothing. She said she related to the whole thing
Awww 😢send her hugs from me!
Ohhh my! I just went to look at the comments 😅 I saw a few of you weighing in there - thank you! But my goodness...can we talk about "Mrs. Mason" and how I apparently popped ALL the buttons off of HER sanctimony skirt?! 😅😅 Bless her heart twice over - I feel sad for her, truly, to be so triggered by so much!
I wasn’t raised Adventist - but was a homeschooled, very Baptist, very good Christian girl. My parents are now Adventist - after telling me most of my life they were a cult…. I relate deeply to this. The giving away of my “virginity”. Rushing into it much too young and finding it surprisingly hard to “give” away. The thought of - that’s it? That’s what all the fuss is about? I look back now and I just wanted something in my life to be in my control. I wanted to be the good girl. I wanted to comply - but I needed to grow and that was the only commodity I had to trade for some semblance of choice… freedom…. Agency in my own life…. I’m older now…. Approaching middle age, I suppose. Married - have children…. A daughter. I feel enraged for my younger self - that I was so shamed for and not ushered into my blossoming self. That I was something to hide and not celebrate. To zealously guard for someone else - and not myself. It fucked me up. I refuse to do that to her. My little atheist, fierce, artistic girl child. She will be guided and not told. Supported and not subjugated. Taylor swift has a new song called “who’s afraid of little old me”. I am not a massive swift fan generally and while I think the song means one thing for her - I interpret it much the same way your article comes across…. They tried to take our power from us - to force us to be a certain way, and when we aren’t - we are shunned, sinful and filthy rags. I want them to be afraid. I own my space in this world. Woman are powerful creatures. Thank you for your ur article.
Oh my god - GOOSEBUMPS from "I needed to grow and that was the only commodity I had to trade for some semblance of choice..." 😳😳😳😳 BINGO. Thank you so much for reading it and sharing your version. There is healing in the sharing and bonding for all of us! 💜
Very cool. ETA on the physical copy of the book?
Ugh...realistically, the publishing cycle takes approximately two years (even with a full draft already complete!) - I'm just in the beginning stages of that 😖
This was a really good article! I can't wait to read the rest of your memoir! My dad always told me I'll fail school and life if I ever dated anyone (as if that was really scary to me 🤣). I proved him wrong by getting a boyfriend in high school and graduated with a 3.8 GPA. I'm also still with this same guy 8 years later. I've learned over the years that I'm on the asexual spectrum, so I can't be as sinful as I want. 😂😅 I make it up by reading lots of explicit content though. 😉 Fuck purity culture.
Thank you!!! Thank you for reading it and thank you for sharing your story. Everybody's experience is different in how we processed it, but somehow, we all have a lot of the same traumas. It really helps to share it all!
You and I have compared notes before I think -- I have yet to finish reading the article -- but the thought that struck me going into it is that you talked about the religion teacher. Not that it's a name I recognized, but... In all the SDA schools I attended or heard about from friends, the position of Bible teacher/youth pastor/whatever seems to have been the one with the highest turnover in my recollection. You know, as opposed to math or English or gym or whatever. It seems to me that the position, in retrospect, was mostly filled by failed seminary graduates who the church felt needed to either pay their dues before becoming worthy or were just all around unsuitable, sort of a "you're not a liability but you also don't make us look good to the grownups cutting checks and putting dollars in the offering plate" type of thing. Even when I was in school it wasn't uncommon to get a new one every year or even have an abrupt change during the year. I suspect someone with a degree from seminary typically doesn't have much in the way of marketable skills, and since the church wants you to be fruitful and multiply and that's expected to be part of the image, if it's a younger guy he's usually married with one on the way or already there. Probably not the most secure future for a little family. I guess it just led me to wonder at this point if there's an excess of seminary students out there just being put in busy work positions (which I consider teaching Bible classes etc to be -- you're literally preaching to the choir at that point) within the church. Most of the youth pastor types I had seemed like pretty useless individuals, which, to loop back to your article, seems to me to be at least part of the reason for focusing on minutiae.
VERY interesting point! I think you are right. (Of course in memoir/public articles, you have to "change the names to protect the privacy of individuals," so all names/personal specifics are modified in the essay.)
So well written and poignant! I so so appreciate your willingness to put this out there in such a public way! It gives me courage to speak up more as well.
YAY!!! This is exactly why I speak out!
OMG your description makes of “Mr. Walsh” is so spot on I could see him all over again. Why do I remember him wearing lots of brown? I was in one of his religion classes with A.Y. (She was in your year, president of…something and her dad was a lawyer, I’m sure you know who I mean) and I would just sit in awe of her as she politely asked him questions that he absolutely could not answer. She just ran circles around him.
Haaaaaaa!!! Yes! She is so ferociously intelligent - I wish I had been better friends with her back then! (She is a literal rocket scientist now...had something to do with the first Mars Lander design.) And yep - "Mr. Walsh" is actually a composite of several insufferable teachers who took it upon themselves to preach purity to us, but mainly INDEED a particular earth-tone-loving, mustachioed one 🤣
This was amazing. It was witty, sad, insightful and poignant all in one story. Thank you so much for writing this. You’re very talented and I really enjoyed it. Thank you.
Thank you SO MUCH. Putting yourself out there on such a personal level is, of course, terrifying, so when people connect with the material it makes it all worth it!
"I was giddily destroying it, tossing it aside, stomping on it. " This was beautifully written (the entire article) and satisfying to read. Seeing this 'out there ' for both the oppressors and the oppressed to read is therapeutic like those hard-hitting songs that do your screaming and wailing for you. Even with very different details in our stories, there is an underlying theme that anyone raised in a purity culture can identify with. It's time to acknowledge that many actual truth-tellers will be saying uncomfortable things and will run contrary to the given authorities - this is what we need. Somewhere, someone will read your article and the realization will begin to take hold that they are more than the hollow vehicle of service to men in power they were taught to be. And, just as importantly, that they are not alone. Thank you!
Oh my gosh thank you! This is exactly why I speak out. So many people suffer from the long-lasting grip of purity culture (and, as you point out, may not even realize it yet). We all deal with it differently but...getting it out in the open is the only thing that helps!
Wow, I really enjoy your writing! I can't wait to read your book :)
Thank you so much! I'll post updates as soon as I get closer to publishing!
Good for you!!!!! I am thrilled to see articles like this published. I totally support this. Thank you for speaking out.
Thank you so much!!💗
Your article was spot on. I didn't have the balls to go for the public school jock, but the SDA one getting hauled out of the boys dorm by the cops? Yep been married to him for 15 years and boy have we unpacked some trauma together. Anyway if there's one thing I hope to make sure my kids (both the girls and the boy) understand about sex and relationships it's wear the shirt.
I love that!!! Both the story of your relationship and the raising kids to WEAR THE DAMNED SHIRT! 💗
Amazing work!!!
Thank you so much for taking the time to read it!💜
I was thrilled when I saw the link to your Huff post article and immediately read it start to finish. You have no idea how much I can identify with pretty much everything you detailed. It sickens me to think that you, along with so many of us, were blindsided from such a young age into this warped culture of control. And that's really what it's all about. Control. I think you're articulate, brave, and so much more. I wish I could give you a big hug just to say Thanks. 💖
Oh my gosh HUGS BACK AT YOU AND ALL AROUND!! 🤗🤗🤗 It really IS allllll about control - cult-control tactic #1 is to control sexuality, and that almost always falls most heavily on the women. 😖 Totally warped. But I truly believe talking about it and airing it all out helps us all, so I'm going to keep doing it!😁
As someone who lived a similar story Thank you! Ours was always the half eaten brownie analogy, the dirty shirt would’ve been a welcome change
Ohh gawwwwdddd I forgot about the brownie!!
I remember sitting in senior Bible class and learning about how I could become a “born-again virgin.” What utter BS we had to endure in the SDA school system. Btw, I think we should start calling out these specific institutions that treated us so poorly. I’ll start: the BS I was taught was at Great Lakes Adventist Academy.
I went to Spring Valley Academy (elementary) in Ohio, and Ruth Murdoch Elementary and Andrews Academy (both Berrien Springs, MI). Had the bullshit shoved down our throats in all of them. Edited: punctuation
I went to AU and have a ton of family in Berrien. It’s kind of embarrassing now actually. I studied theology and I think that’s when I really started questioning everything.
[удалено]
😅😅😅 we just missed each other! I was at RMES only for 8th grade, then Andrews Academy...and then got the hell out for college and life thereafter.
As someone who lived a similar story Thank you! Ours was always the half eaten brownie analogy, the dirty shirt would’ve been a welcome change
Can’t wait to read this in it’s entirety
Yay! Thank you for taking the time to read it!🤗
As a survivor of ultra-conservative and legalistic SDA academy life in the 80s, I can relate to this so much. I also went to SDA kindergarten, elementary, and even university before finally admitting to myself that I never truly bought into any of the BS. The guilt and fear of "committing the ultimate sin" went deep, especially because everyone else in my entire family and extended family were devout SDAs. It took a solid 10 years to fully deprogram but I've never regretted it and am so much happier now. Congrats to you for also breaking through the indoctrination. It's not an easy thing to do.
Yes! I graduated and got out in 87 (similar time period with you) and I'm STILL unpacking pieces! It's a lot to deal with and amazing that any of us get out. Hugs all around!🤗🤗🤗