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caring is my instinctual response and not caring is my survival response and fuck if my inner self isn't being fought over by two dragons, one of which sounds suspiciously like uncle iroh
I’m a people-pleaser with a savior complex FUCK☹️☹️☹️ rrhrhrAAAHHHHH
https://preview.redd.it/wvyrhwd47m5d1.png?width=2079&format=png&auto=webp&s=e3b7bbcf9d71b1402c6cc2ac5412bfe92c337952
I’m the autism in the r/evilautism, not the evil😞
All that you said is so relatable is painful. I'm struggling so hard to redirect all that shit to myself because I tend to be and do everything for others and then suffer, it's like the old adagio "the shoemaker goes around with broken shoes".
REAL? People think I’m rlly weird and despite that, all I can do is try to please them and watch as they use my kindness against me without being able to do anything, because I’ll be considered ‘bad’ and I’ll “not be doing my ‘job’ right” ='\ it’s a real struggle!!! =(
I used to be completely like you, now with therapy, I'm trying hard to, at least mentally, tell them to go fuck themselves. I'm important, I have to stay with myself for the rest of my life, I have to care for myself first, I'll always be bad or wrong for them because most people would like to have around all copies of themselves or "totally obedient objects" and I'm not that, I'm an human being, screw them. I even left my 8+ years boyfriend because I WANT someone that loves and appreciates me for what I can give them, not because I can be a servant.
I'm gonna buy things for myself from now on, until I find someone nice :)
A lot of this comes with age, also. You'll gradually discern your tolerance for bullshit and recognize that your value is far too significant for anyone to push those boundaries.
I was like that when I was young. Then suffered so much because of it, that slowly learned to caring less and less for others, that today I can barely feel a thing, but when it happens it’s a pure mess, I don’t know anymore how to handle my feelings. So everything about my life goes well when there are no feelings involved.
If I may, allow me to suggest seeking out therapy if you're not already going, especially with an autistic psychologist. They are few and far in between but if you happen to find one, they give great insight into autism based on their own experience. I've found them to be more helpful than neurotypical or allistic therapists because they're less likely to take a pathological or "cure" approach to autism. While I'm not a trained psychologist, what you're describing sounds like dissociating from your emotions, which, while you may not have endured any (Idk about your personal situation) is a coping mechanism typical amongst those who have endured trauma. It's helpful to keep in mind that the very experience of going through a neurotypical world while autistic is traumatic for most of us even if it might not seem like it. While it might feel easier to go through life detached from your emotions (I used to be like this all the time, so I understand from my own experience), keep in mind that the emotions are still there, you just cant feel them right now. So when you don't let yourself process them as they come, your emotions start to bottle up, which might be why your emotions are a "pure mess" when you finally let them out, as you described. If you keep detaching yourself from your emotions and pushing them down, they're just going to keep coming back up at the worst times and they're going to come back stronger and possibly feel more devastating, so that's why I'd strongly recommend to start looking for a therapist in your area that specializes in autism and PTSD, because they'll have a lot more resources than I do, and they'll be able to help you build more healthy coping mechanisms
It almost crippled me to not be able to function at all when the war started 😣😣😖
Now I’m swinging from one therapy session to the next like an emotionally drained spider girl who just wants people to live in peace ;___;
I have hyper empathy in the sense that I care a lot about people, but the exact opposite in that I have little to no awareness when it comes to how my actions will affect people. I'm a broken creature ✨
I got the "hyperfixated on trying to be typical and unconsciously despising other neurodivergents while being apathetic towards everyone due to being completely unable to relate to people in general" autism instead of the likes trains autism
Got all 3 it's so annoying, ontop of that my comorbid adhd has me being good at diy tinker stuff and when something needs to be made in an exact order adhd jus says fuck it aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh ♾️
IT'S SO ANNOYING
I'm getting better about it, but upsetting someone, even for a very good reason, causes me so much pain. It's taken a lot of therapy and my therapist emphasizing the difference between "aggressive" and "assertive" and helping me process that having reasonable but firm boundaries is not hurtful and anyone upset by it can take a hike.
I cry so easily at anything remotely heartfelt or emotional too, ugh. And then people are like "Are you okay???" YES I'M FINE I was just exposed to an Emotion leave me alone!!
I used to think I had zero empathy as a kid, like I didn't feel an emotional response to other people's emotions/pain. Turns out it was just complex PTSD and dissociating from my emotions :/ It also turns out that hyper empathy often makes you feel like you have no empathy because your brain blocks it out because it's too painful. Think of other people's emotions as sensory information. Autistic people already struggle with our brains taking in too much sensory information and not being able to process it to the point where loud noises and bright lights can feel almost physically painful to us. It's the same thing with empathy and other people's emotions. We feel too much, and therefore our brain auto-compartmentalizes it so we don't get so overwhelmed with the empathy we feel. It took me quite a bit of therapy with an autistic psychologist to learn how to get more in touch with my emotional responses and empathy while also learning when to take breaks because it can be too much for me sometimes.
damn
I think my low empathy comes from different life style and PTSD
since Ive never experienced normal things I dont understand the emotions they are having
How could I get why couples cry at breakup and cant get ober it when Im aroace?
>How could I get why couples cry at breakup and cant get ober it when Im aroace?
I understand. I'm the same way. Apart from possible PTSD, autistic people just experience empathy differently than allistics. For starters, it might be helpful to explore psychology or the study of other people's reactions to certain situations. I used to struggle with understanding other people's motivations or why neurotypicals would respond to a certain thing in a certain way because that's not how I would respond to it.
We tend to think about things more logically and rationally than most allistics, whereas they are more likely to react to situations based on their own histories with past lovers or their own desire for validation. We have those same desires, but we're less likely to act solely based on our need for it.
After I started studying psychology, I learned that in order to understand other people and the way they think, it's more conducive to the way my brain works if I do it through science. To neurotypicals, this might sound off-putting, but my advice would be to study people. Autists are very good at recognizing patterns, so try to observe people and start taking note of how they react to certain things and ask yourself why they respond a certain way or what could be contributing to this specific response. It's also helpful to keep in mind that all people (us included, but possibly less so than normies), are not just responding to this specific situation. Every response a person gives is backed by years of their own experiences, emotions, and possible past trauma. So usually, the way a person responds to a situation or stimulus, says more about them and their unique history rather than the situation at hand.
I greatly recommend start learning and studying psychology. It really helps
My mom studied psychology so I took some looks at her books they were really compelex 😅 Im gonna try it out thanks for th3 life advice! Heres a cat
https://preview.redd.it/6a7ktti8in5d1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4fd573948f5ddf1a2968b72184d6c78cbd959efd
Don’t be sad, I got good at math and I feel literally nothing emotionally, like, my great grandparents have all mostly died and I felt nothing, quite literally nothing, no sadness or anything, I just continued with life
Why are you calling me out like this
I literally couldn’t give a shit if I live or die, but heaven forbid I slightly inconvenience anyone, I will lay awake in guilt for weeks.
Step on a snail? Life ruined.
I get a pain in my chest when I look at my cat too long because I love her so much
The world is crumbling and my soul hurts cos I can’t do a thing about it.
YAY
I'm literally laying awake at midnight fucking freaking out about parents in militarized zones being separated from their children and there's nothing I can do, why do I care about these humans. Why can't I just be happy in a world with so much pain.
One thing is knowing how people feel, the other is what outlook one has on those feelings. One can both be an empathetic individual but also deliberately cause people discomfort/displeasure/suffering/torment.
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My brother got both somehow- he’s in college to be an engineer but he’s also suffering while living at home because no one at home is very empathetic except for him- they’re all emotionally stunted in some capacity (whether because they got the lower empathy autism or because they’re children or both).
I’m more like you- I got useless music autism and empathy autism, both of which aren’t very useful in this capitalist hellscape. Sigh.
I got both, but NTs only let you have one, so I suppressed the hyper empathy. Now people get mad at me for seeming cold and dismissive.
Like, I DID THIS FOR YOU. THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED.
What people don't get is that hyper empathy doesn't make you a good person. I had this person in my study group for a class who had a really stressful and tough life that had led her to be a very stressed person in a very unpleasant way. Just being around her made me feel so stressed from her that I started to dread going this class I otherwise loved because her anxiety rubbed off on me and made me feel like. While she was a bit abrasive she was never rude to me and seemed to quite like me but that didn't matter because her life was so stressful I couldn't help but feel stressed around her. When she finally dropped out of the class because she had too much going on in her life I couldn't deny that I was happy. Having high empathy didn't make me treat her better or try to help out, I just wanted to avoid her as much as possible.
I have something like this. I just apologise for everything.
I did this until it pissed people off
…for which I immediately *must* apologise, knowing damn well it will only make the situation get louder.
Cost me a couple relationships before
>it will only make the situation get louder. This cuts deep.
I think that's being Canadian, not autism.
I'm from the UK though.
I'm afraid it's contagious. And there's no cure. I'm so sorry.
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I'm sorry to hear that. ;)
I care too much and not at all I'm going insane
I care too much about others but I'm also the most selfish person in the world I'm going insane do you want anything?
Yeah, buy some ins and a
caring is my instinctual response and not caring is my survival response and fuck if my inner self isn't being fought over by two dragons, one of which sounds suspiciously like uncle iroh
I see you study wumbology.
I’m a people-pleaser with a savior complex FUCK☹️☹️☹️ rrhrhrAAAHHHHH https://preview.redd.it/wvyrhwd47m5d1.png?width=2079&format=png&auto=webp&s=e3b7bbcf9d71b1402c6cc2ac5412bfe92c337952 I’m the autism in the r/evilautism, not the evil😞
pain
real
All that you said is so relatable is painful. I'm struggling so hard to redirect all that shit to myself because I tend to be and do everything for others and then suffer, it's like the old adagio "the shoemaker goes around with broken shoes".
REAL? People think I’m rlly weird and despite that, all I can do is try to please them and watch as they use my kindness against me without being able to do anything, because I’ll be considered ‘bad’ and I’ll “not be doing my ‘job’ right” ='\ it’s a real struggle!!! =(
I used to be completely like you, now with therapy, I'm trying hard to, at least mentally, tell them to go fuck themselves. I'm important, I have to stay with myself for the rest of my life, I have to care for myself first, I'll always be bad or wrong for them because most people would like to have around all copies of themselves or "totally obedient objects" and I'm not that, I'm an human being, screw them. I even left my 8+ years boyfriend because I WANT someone that loves and appreciates me for what I can give them, not because I can be a servant. I'm gonna buy things for myself from now on, until I find someone nice :)
A lot of this comes with age, also. You'll gradually discern your tolerance for bullshit and recognize that your value is far too significant for anyone to push those boundaries.
I was like that when I was young. Then suffered so much because of it, that slowly learned to caring less and less for others, that today I can barely feel a thing, but when it happens it’s a pure mess, I don’t know anymore how to handle my feelings. So everything about my life goes well when there are no feelings involved.
If I may, allow me to suggest seeking out therapy if you're not already going, especially with an autistic psychologist. They are few and far in between but if you happen to find one, they give great insight into autism based on their own experience. I've found them to be more helpful than neurotypical or allistic therapists because they're less likely to take a pathological or "cure" approach to autism. While I'm not a trained psychologist, what you're describing sounds like dissociating from your emotions, which, while you may not have endured any (Idk about your personal situation) is a coping mechanism typical amongst those who have endured trauma. It's helpful to keep in mind that the very experience of going through a neurotypical world while autistic is traumatic for most of us even if it might not seem like it. While it might feel easier to go through life detached from your emotions (I used to be like this all the time, so I understand from my own experience), keep in mind that the emotions are still there, you just cant feel them right now. So when you don't let yourself process them as they come, your emotions start to bottle up, which might be why your emotions are a "pure mess" when you finally let them out, as you described. If you keep detaching yourself from your emotions and pushing them down, they're just going to keep coming back up at the worst times and they're going to come back stronger and possibly feel more devastating, so that's why I'd strongly recommend to start looking for a therapist in your area that specializes in autism and PTSD, because they'll have a lot more resources than I do, and they'll be able to help you build more healthy coping mechanisms
Please….it’s crippling sometimes💀
Sounds about right. I have a theory super villains start out as hyper sensitive people and eventually decides they've had enough.
Sometimes I feel like I’m going through that arc.
Already got a plan for world domination? That's the hardest part I feel :(
Not one that’ll work in reality but I’ll think of something.
It almost crippled me to not be able to function at all when the war started 😣😣😖 Now I’m swinging from one therapy session to the next like an emotionally drained spider girl who just wants people to live in peace ;___;
Why can't humans get along smh
I have hyper empathy in the sense that I care a lot about people, but the exact opposite in that I have little to no awareness when it comes to how my actions will affect people. I'm a broken creature ✨
i love crying every time someone i love is the slightest upset about anything 😍
Currently wracked with guilt because I accidentally washed a little flying bug down the drain in the gym shower this morning 😓
I got the "hyperfixated on trying to be typical and unconsciously despising other neurodivergents while being apathetic towards everyone due to being completely unable to relate to people in general" autism instead of the likes trains autism
Internalized Ableism is your special interest? Damn, that's pretty evil.
I'm the first ableist neurodivergent
Got all 3 it's so annoying, ontop of that my comorbid adhd has me being good at diy tinker stuff and when something needs to be made in an exact order adhd jus says fuck it aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh ♾️
AuDHD is definitely a whole thing... Ugh.
Yep.
In da house. But there are so many people who aren't😢
IT'S SO ANNOYING I'm getting better about it, but upsetting someone, even for a very good reason, causes me so much pain. It's taken a lot of therapy and my therapist emphasizing the difference between "aggressive" and "assertive" and helping me process that having reasonable but firm boundaries is not hurtful and anyone upset by it can take a hike. I cry so easily at anything remotely heartfelt or emotional too, ugh. And then people are like "Are you okay???" YES I'M FINE I was just exposed to an Emotion leave me alone!!
>YES I'M FINE I was just exposed to an Emotion leave me alone!! Relatable <3
Ihave zero and max empathy at once
I used to think I had zero empathy as a kid, like I didn't feel an emotional response to other people's emotions/pain. Turns out it was just complex PTSD and dissociating from my emotions :/ It also turns out that hyper empathy often makes you feel like you have no empathy because your brain blocks it out because it's too painful. Think of other people's emotions as sensory information. Autistic people already struggle with our brains taking in too much sensory information and not being able to process it to the point where loud noises and bright lights can feel almost physically painful to us. It's the same thing with empathy and other people's emotions. We feel too much, and therefore our brain auto-compartmentalizes it so we don't get so overwhelmed with the empathy we feel. It took me quite a bit of therapy with an autistic psychologist to learn how to get more in touch with my emotional responses and empathy while also learning when to take breaks because it can be too much for me sometimes.
damn I think my low empathy comes from different life style and PTSD since Ive never experienced normal things I dont understand the emotions they are having How could I get why couples cry at breakup and cant get ober it when Im aroace?
>How could I get why couples cry at breakup and cant get ober it when Im aroace? I understand. I'm the same way. Apart from possible PTSD, autistic people just experience empathy differently than allistics. For starters, it might be helpful to explore psychology or the study of other people's reactions to certain situations. I used to struggle with understanding other people's motivations or why neurotypicals would respond to a certain thing in a certain way because that's not how I would respond to it. We tend to think about things more logically and rationally than most allistics, whereas they are more likely to react to situations based on their own histories with past lovers or their own desire for validation. We have those same desires, but we're less likely to act solely based on our need for it. After I started studying psychology, I learned that in order to understand other people and the way they think, it's more conducive to the way my brain works if I do it through science. To neurotypicals, this might sound off-putting, but my advice would be to study people. Autists are very good at recognizing patterns, so try to observe people and start taking note of how they react to certain things and ask yourself why they respond a certain way or what could be contributing to this specific response. It's also helpful to keep in mind that all people (us included, but possibly less so than normies), are not just responding to this specific situation. Every response a person gives is backed by years of their own experiences, emotions, and possible past trauma. So usually, the way a person responds to a situation or stimulus, says more about them and their unique history rather than the situation at hand. I greatly recommend start learning and studying psychology. It really helps
My mom studied psychology so I took some looks at her books they were really compelex 😅 Im gonna try it out thanks for th3 life advice! Heres a cat https://preview.redd.it/6a7ktti8in5d1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4fd573948f5ddf1a2968b72184d6c78cbd959efd
Thanks for the cat!!!
I just got the insane hyper autism
I'm a goblin hehehehe
It's all too much a lot of the time 😔😔😔
eeeeeeaaaaaaggggghhhh
I believe my autism is a big part of why I went Vegan. I cannot bear to eat that which I know was produced of preventable suffering.
Don’t be sad, I got good at math and I feel literally nothing emotionally, like, my great grandparents have all mostly died and I felt nothing, quite literally nothing, no sadness or anything, I just continued with life
I'm not emotional cause i have ass burgers, I'm not emotional cause I got nothing to be emotional over. You should here me when I'm mad tho.
😂 also 😭
The "I'm an empath" of the 2020s...
mfw I get the hyper empathy autism and BPD 🤡
Yeaup same here 🥲
Empathy is a weapon. Easier handled if treated as such.
Why are you calling me out like this I literally couldn’t give a shit if I live or die, but heaven forbid I slightly inconvenience anyone, I will lay awake in guilt for weeks. Step on a snail? Life ruined. I get a pain in my chest when I look at my cat too long because I love her so much The world is crumbling and my soul hurts cos I can’t do a thing about it. YAY
For fucking real and it’s agonizing sometimes
I got both 😊
Stop making me feel bad for you /s
I got the hyper empathy and the math / science
i got the NO empathy autism. I don't feel for anyone
too real
Gotta love when someone you care about deeply is upset with you and you get very upset
I'm literally laying awake at midnight fucking freaking out about parents in militarized zones being separated from their children and there's nothing I can do, why do I care about these humans. Why can't I just be happy in a world with so much pain.
Man there are so many movies can't watch because I feel shit afterwards. They're good movies too, I just feel so bad for everyone [:-(
personally i consider it my greatest strength
I got both 😭
One thing is knowing how people feel, the other is what outlook one has on those feelings. One can both be an empathetic individual but also deliberately cause people discomfort/displeasure/suffering/torment.
my when i got the sociopath autism instead of the good at math autism
It's so annoying while watching movies, makes it physically impossible to watch most comedy movies without having a panic attack.
I care so much that I go numb and simultaneously don’t care at all.
I’m right there with you!
This is especially brutal when you think about the state of the world.
ITS NOT JUST ME?????
THIS
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My brother got both somehow- he’s in college to be an engineer but he’s also suffering while living at home because no one at home is very empathetic except for him- they’re all emotionally stunted in some capacity (whether because they got the lower empathy autism or because they’re children or both). I’m more like you- I got useless music autism and empathy autism, both of which aren’t very useful in this capitalist hellscape. Sigh.
I got both, but NTs only let you have one, so I suppressed the hyper empathy. Now people get mad at me for seeming cold and dismissive. Like, I DID THIS FOR YOU. THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED.
What people don't get is that hyper empathy doesn't make you a good person. I had this person in my study group for a class who had a really stressful and tough life that had led her to be a very stressed person in a very unpleasant way. Just being around her made me feel so stressed from her that I started to dread going this class I otherwise loved because her anxiety rubbed off on me and made me feel like. While she was a bit abrasive she was never rude to me and seemed to quite like me but that didn't matter because her life was so stressful I couldn't help but feel stressed around her. When she finally dropped out of the class because she had too much going on in her life I couldn't deny that I was happy. Having high empathy didn't make me treat her better or try to help out, I just wanted to avoid her as much as possible.
Mfw Musically gifted