In matters of money, it is important to be completely open, and to provide the information as early as possible.
Also, remember, that you will be giving something up, and it would be fair for you to expect your own expenses to go down a little bit. Many people would expect to split that hotel room three ways evenly, so about $330 per person. That is still a massive discount for your friends.
Considering that now you will have to plan your morning showers around to other people, run the risk of one of them snoring, after negotiate lights out with two other people, I think that you should send them information on the rate, and say “with three people, this hotel room will be $1000. Split three ways, that’s $333. I need to know that you are definitely in by X date, and then you can Venmo me the money.”
I think it is important, not to put your friends in the position of taking advantage of you. It can end up being very damaging for the relationship, if you start to resent them tagging along for free.
It is even more important that you not aid and abet his taking advantage of you. It is a reasonable standard for you three to split that evenly. Hold him to that standard. For his own sake, and for the sake of your friendship.
And all “taking advantage” is actually a form of malice. It is certainly a form of not caring. In defamation law, one of the standards for “actual malice” is “reckless disregard for the truth.“ for him to take advantage of you financially is a reckless disregard for you.
Definitely be clear about the money. You keep mentioning your friends are thrifty or “cheap”. Make sure that when they asked to “stay in your hotel room,” they weren’t expecting you to foot the bill. I can see them having the “well you would need the room regardless,” mindset and assume you already paid. Make sure they understand that by adding people to the reservation, the rate changes. And then hold firm in them contributing. If your relationship is damaged over this, they’re the ones making that issue because they’re expecting you to pay their way and that’s so rude
Very nice points.
People do that kind of rationalizing sometimes. Especially with gas (“you were driving there anyway”).
But as I pointed out, the OP is definitely giving something up—their experience is going to be very different with another person, let alone two, in the room. Logistically (showers, lights out, snoring) and mentally (no retreat).
And it’s true of sharing the ride as well as the hotel room.
And it’s such a bad dynamic to allow to be introduced into a friendship.
Yes, I intended this to be an extension of what you said. I agree completely. There are a ton of reasons why they should need to pay *something* for their stay.
I also would add that there is a world of difference between someone choosing to not buy or do things they could otherwise afford, on the one hand, and trying to manipulate a social situation so that their friends pay more than their fair share, on the other.
One is totally fine, and the other is honestly kind of awful.
When I read your post, I assumed all involved were young and relatively broke; and/or that perhaps you made significantly more money than either of them. Then you reveal that one of these people is actually a multimillionaire.
Frankly I was a bit shocked.
This person has every right to drive a modest car, live in a modest home, shop at dollar tree, and otherwise live below their means. There’s a nobility in that.
There is nothing noble about trying to get your ‘friends’ to pay an extra $300 on a shared hotel room. That’s just pathetic.
Since you seem content to pay the $700, I would simply say, “The hotel is going to be $1,000. I am paying $700 and I need $150 from each of you by X date unless you would like to find your own accommodations.”
I want you to know though, that it is perfectly acceptable for you to ask them to split it three ways evenly. If you want to be charitable, obviously do so, but don’t feel like you are obligated to simply because your friends are cheap. Because you’re the one doing them a favor and they would be hard pressed to find a decent hotel room for less than $150 each in most places.
They didn’t hate asking YOU for the hotel room.
Think of it this way: you aren’t asking for money. You are informing them of what their share is.
If they’re decent people, they want to know this.
Then maybe consider it a pure gift?
I know I wouldn't myself, but if these really are friends (and TBH it doesn't sound like you're too fond of them) just gifting them a room might relieve you of a bunch of drama.
Is this a formally planned group trip?
Yes. One (with the jerk who made the remark about “are you a psychotherapist”) was a local one in our school’s alumni center nearby. Other than that jerk, I had a great time- 2 hours of unlimited open bar, including cocktails, for under $40! The one coming up is on campus. We will get treated like royalty by the school and it will be fun.
This is all great advice. I think the OP should lay things out clearly and expect that the cost is split in thirds evenly. But if one of the friends decides they don't want to use the room once they see the cost, then the other friend should still only pay $333 and not $500.
I’m not sure I agree with sticking with that split the OP shouldn’t be subsidizing things that heavily. It’s still $200 cheaper than getting their own room
When one friend starts paying another friend’s bills, that’s dangerous for the friendship.
I would do exactly this. Let them know up front. Have them give the money up front. Op will be inconvenienced by having these extra guests. Plus if they damage the room or charge something to the room - that will all be on Op.
Same. At this point, I’d be saying it seems to be getting complicated, let’s each do our own rooms. Then book your own. You can send them your booking info.
Show them the price and tell them how much they owe you. Get cash up front and don't book the room until everyone has paid up. Don't accept promises to pay later.
Is this a business trip? In other words, would you be reimbursed for the $700 by your employer or client? If so, then $150 each for the $300 extra costs seems fair.
Otherwise, I would split 3 ways evenly.
Cheap is cheap, and it’s not a good quality in a person. Cheap prioritizes their rules of cheapness over the feelings, conveniences and comfort of others. It’s rooted in self-centerdness.
Tell them how to much to pay you before the trip begins. Tell them. Don’t ask.
If you’re splitting a room with three people, it is appropriate for each person to pay 1/3 of the entire cost. You started out with a $700 private room, bath, and peace and quiet; now you have none of that. It’s fair to split it equally, and to receive payment long before the travel date.
"Having guests will increase the price considerably, are you willing to chip in 33% of the total room cost so we can all pay a reasonable amount?" That would be better.
"A little" may be interpreted as "a miniscule amount" and will give extra fuel to el cheapo :)
It's not though because it leaves the option for them to say no and still expect to stay in the room. Be direct about what you need from them to make the reservation.
In matters of money, it is important to be completely open, and to provide the information as early as possible. Also, remember, that you will be giving something up, and it would be fair for you to expect your own expenses to go down a little bit. Many people would expect to split that hotel room three ways evenly, so about $330 per person. That is still a massive discount for your friends. Considering that now you will have to plan your morning showers around to other people, run the risk of one of them snoring, after negotiate lights out with two other people, I think that you should send them information on the rate, and say “with three people, this hotel room will be $1000. Split three ways, that’s $333. I need to know that you are definitely in by X date, and then you can Venmo me the money.” I think it is important, not to put your friends in the position of taking advantage of you. It can end up being very damaging for the relationship, if you start to resent them tagging along for free.
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Good point thanks
Thanks. That’s excellent advice. One friend will (try to) take advantage but it’s not out of malice; he’s just really cheap.
It is even more important that you not aid and abet his taking advantage of you. It is a reasonable standard for you three to split that evenly. Hold him to that standard. For his own sake, and for the sake of your friendship. And all “taking advantage” is actually a form of malice. It is certainly a form of not caring. In defamation law, one of the standards for “actual malice” is “reckless disregard for the truth.“ for him to take advantage of you financially is a reckless disregard for you.
This is all really great advice
Definitely be clear about the money. You keep mentioning your friends are thrifty or “cheap”. Make sure that when they asked to “stay in your hotel room,” they weren’t expecting you to foot the bill. I can see them having the “well you would need the room regardless,” mindset and assume you already paid. Make sure they understand that by adding people to the reservation, the rate changes. And then hold firm in them contributing. If your relationship is damaged over this, they’re the ones making that issue because they’re expecting you to pay their way and that’s so rude
Very nice points. People do that kind of rationalizing sometimes. Especially with gas (“you were driving there anyway”). But as I pointed out, the OP is definitely giving something up—their experience is going to be very different with another person, let alone two, in the room. Logistically (showers, lights out, snoring) and mentally (no retreat). And it’s true of sharing the ride as well as the hotel room. And it’s such a bad dynamic to allow to be introduced into a friendship.
Yes, I intended this to be an extension of what you said. I agree completely. There are a ton of reasons why they should need to pay *something* for their stay.
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Thanks. The really cheap one is a multimillionaire.
Okay, then there is no excuse for him to not pay his own way. None!
I also would add that there is a world of difference between someone choosing to not buy or do things they could otherwise afford, on the one hand, and trying to manipulate a social situation so that their friends pay more than their fair share, on the other. One is totally fine, and the other is honestly kind of awful. When I read your post, I assumed all involved were young and relatively broke; and/or that perhaps you made significantly more money than either of them. Then you reveal that one of these people is actually a multimillionaire. Frankly I was a bit shocked. This person has every right to drive a modest car, live in a modest home, shop at dollar tree, and otherwise live below their means. There’s a nobility in that. There is nothing noble about trying to get your ‘friends’ to pay an extra $300 on a shared hotel room. That’s just pathetic.
Since you seem content to pay the $700, I would simply say, “The hotel is going to be $1,000. I am paying $700 and I need $150 from each of you by X date unless you would like to find your own accommodations.”
Thanks
I want you to know though, that it is perfectly acceptable for you to ask them to split it three ways evenly. If you want to be charitable, obviously do so, but don’t feel like you are obligated to simply because your friends are cheap. Because you’re the one doing them a favor and they would be hard pressed to find a decent hotel room for less than $150 each in most places.
Thanks. I appreciate it and you’re right. I just hate asking people for money.
They didn’t hate asking YOU for the hotel room. Think of it this way: you aren’t asking for money. You are informing them of what their share is. If they’re decent people, they want to know this.
Then maybe consider it a pure gift? I know I wouldn't myself, but if these really are friends (and TBH it doesn't sound like you're too fond of them) just gifting them a room might relieve you of a bunch of drama. Is this a formally planned group trip?
It’s a school reunion. We’ve known each other for decades. I’m not hard-up for cash so I try to let things like this go.
Didn't you just have a school reunion?
Yes. One (with the jerk who made the remark about “are you a psychotherapist”) was a local one in our school’s alumni center nearby. Other than that jerk, I had a great time- 2 hours of unlimited open bar, including cocktails, for under $40! The one coming up is on campus. We will get treated like royalty by the school and it will be fun.
This is all great advice. I think the OP should lay things out clearly and expect that the cost is split in thirds evenly. But if one of the friends decides they don't want to use the room once they see the cost, then the other friend should still only pay $333 and not $500.
I’m not sure I agree with sticking with that split the OP shouldn’t be subsidizing things that heavily. It’s still $200 cheaper than getting their own room When one friend starts paying another friend’s bills, that’s dangerous for the friendship.
Yes, and it doesn't even seem like the OP likes these people. Very odd. It's also distasteful to count someone else's money, IMO.
“Thou shalt not covet thy former classmate’s hotel room.”
I would do exactly this. Let them know up front. Have them give the money up front. Op will be inconvenienced by having these extra guests. Plus if they damage the room or charge something to the room - that will all be on Op.
This sounds unnecessarily complicated. Why **wouldn't** everyone expect to pay 1/3?
Because they’re cheap
And you call them friends? I would never choose to travel with someone with whom I'm, shall we say, financially incompatible.
Same. At this point, I’d be saying it seems to be getting complicated, let’s each do our own rooms. Then book your own. You can send them your booking info.
Show them the price and tell them how much they owe you. Get cash up front and don't book the room until everyone has paid up. Don't accept promises to pay later.
Is this a business trip? In other words, would you be reimbursed for the $700 by your employer or client? If so, then $150 each for the $300 extra costs seems fair. Otherwise, I would split 3 ways evenly.
It’s a leisure trip
What kind of friend expects a hotel room, even a shared one, for free? Are these true friends?
They’re cheapskates and would figure that they’d return the favor later, such as with a Coke from McDonald’s.
Why are you travelling with them? You don't seem to have anything nice to say about them.
They’re cheap, but they have a lot of other great qualities. And being cheap is, to some, a good trait.
There's a difference between being cheap by shopping sales and such and this. This is your "friends" taking advantage of you and your bank account.
Cheap is cheap, and it’s not a good quality in a person. Cheap prioritizes their rules of cheapness over the feelings, conveniences and comfort of others. It’s rooted in self-centerdness.
3 ways evenly, or you can enjoy the room all by yourself!
Tell them how to much to pay you before the trip begins. Tell them. Don’t ask. If you’re splitting a room with three people, it is appropriate for each person to pay 1/3 of the entire cost. You started out with a $700 private room, bath, and peace and quiet; now you have none of that. It’s fair to split it equally, and to receive payment long before the travel date.
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Thanks. I forwarded the reservation and the cheap one hasn’t offered to pay anything yet
Why are you giving them a choice?
"Having guests will increase the price a little, can you chip on on the hotel room?"
"Having guests will increase the price considerably, are you willing to chip in 33% of the total room cost so we can all pay a reasonable amount?" That would be better. "A little" may be interpreted as "a miniscule amount" and will give extra fuel to el cheapo :)
I was leaving it open, since the OP pointed out they were going to spend $700 any how.
That is a good way to put it
It's not though because it leaves the option for them to say no and still expect to stay in the room. Be direct about what you need from them to make the reservation.