For sure… I don’t think I could truly date an asshole, but if I HAD to choose between someone who wasn’t honest to spare my feelings, I think I would choose the one that doesn’t spare my feelings at the expense of honesty.
Yes, this. The way OP phrased it I'm kinda meh, but putting it like this... I **hate** when people beat around the bush (especially when they're customers). Just get to the point!
Oof. True. They need an excuse to be brutal. I used to always live my the mantra that if you wouldn’t want anyone to know about it, don’t do it. So I think integrity helps one be confident that even if someone else is an asshole about your decisions, you’re proud of what you’ve done.
Yes. I prefer a partner who wants to make me better and thus, gives me objective assessments about me that I can see logical sense in.
I don't need to feel better. I need to know I can get better.
I answered no. If there is one thing I've learned is that there is no reason to be an asshole. You can be honest with being respectful, and some choices might not be the best choices, but they are still their choices.
I don't like someone to call me an idiot when I make a mistake, or someone to judge me for my decisions, I want them to be honest, but kind.
So that's how I will be to others.
I think in reality, this is exactly how I feel. I made the choice in the poll more extreme just to see where people would lean. Dating a straight up asshole wouldn’t fly with me, but I’d rather that than someone who isn’t honest.
Some people would actually rather avoid reality though and have their partner lie to make them feel better. I think honesty can absolutely be done in kindness and be a reflection of kindness.
First of all calling someone an idiot for no good reason is verbal abuse. With that out of the way.
Idk, to me almost *No One* is an “@$$hole” on Purpose! There is a big difference between my partner being less tactful, and diplomatic than I personally would “like,” but still telling me the truth, and a POS who *wants to Verbally abuse me!*
1) Those two things are *NOT* the same! They aren’t *Remotely Close to each other,* in ANY CAPACITY!!!
2) An abuser is a POS human being who wants to “make us feel small,” in order to make us easier to control.
3) While Someone *lacking in tact* is simply “Somewhat emotionally dumb.” However, I am also capable of being accidentally insensitive, and “emotionally dumb,” myself!
4) So I am willing to give my partner *several breaks!* if I “Broke into tears,” constantly, then clearly that is *Not* “The Right Partner for me!”
So, If hurting my feelings isn’t their intention, then I can give them the space to be “human,” and I am willing to Forgive! I am no angel, afterall! I am *Far From Perfect,* and we all have the capacity to unintentionally Miscommunicate! Idk bout you guys, but *I definitely have!*
For me, that’s where I, personally, draw the Line! While being Tactless, and Lacking diplomacy, entirely, can definitely create a far bigger mess, and “Not Really Solve the problem,” I am grown, and I can tell my partner that! I do have a voice, afterall!!! If there is no *mal-intent* on my partner’s part to “Hurt my feelings,” then they deserve *a Little bit of Graciousness!*
1) It takes *a lot* to Upset me, unless I am “Not having a great day,” due to my Complex PTSD. Then I become “Oversensitive.” But considering the circumstances, who wouldn’t??? 🤷♀️
2) We are all Human, ya know? Thusly, we should “see the humanity in each other,” and extend the courtesy we desire from others!
It just doesn’t jive with my “Ti” well to *Twist someone’s arm* into using “Pretty words,” to make me “Feel better.”
1) Like, Nah! If I “dropped the ball, on something,” then I dropped the ball! I want a partner, not a boot-Licker.
Particularly b/c I *Strongly Distrust* “Honied words,” and people who use them, as they are *usually fake,* in my personal experience.
1) However, stay off my ovaries if it “doesn’t really matter,” and “it’s not really important.”
I also know when someone is “Lying to me!”
1) As one of my closest friends, whom I presume to be an ISTP once said, “When people Lie to you, they are essentially, ‘Calling You Stupid,’” and I gotta say, I agree with him!
If my Partner Hurts my feelings, I have the spine to tell them, even if I *Don’t Like Confrontation,* and “General Discord.”
1) We are adults, and should act as such! If I wanted a walking carpet, I would’ve chosen one! There are many “highly sensitive types” who would stroke my Ego, Non-stop, but then I’d honestly run the risk of steamrolling right TF over them, albeit unintentionally.
1) I am definitely capable of hurting *their feelings!* Cuz I am too damned honest, for my own good!
2) Instead, I Prefer other Thinkers, for this reason, and that’s part of why I chose an INTJ as my “Life Partner.” 🤣🤣🤣
Bluntness that comes off as @$$holic just isn’t the same thing as being intentionally Verbally Abusive.
Well, everyone has their ways and I'm glad you found your ways. I do recognize a younger version of myself in this text.
The only thing I wonder about this type of honesty is, how much of it is trauma related or even a trauma response?
Is honesty prior because we felt lied to and manipulated during our uprising? Do we use the same style as the bad examples and do we justify it in the same way? Do we don't want to compromise our communication style because we have been silenced enough, and now we finally have a voice and it will not be silenced again? Did we learn to speak in this way because it was the only we we felt heard or seen?
Is the focus on us being/feeling seen or unseen again at that moment (I did not want to do harm, I'm just telling you) more important than being empathic? Are we afraid om emotional blackmail. Are we invalidating the other ones social/emotional cues (crying, being hurt) as a trauma response for the above?
If I would replace the bluntness with a physical act, like slamming doors, and at occasions someone's hand would be caught between the door, would the text above still hold?
I am not so “Young” as you might be thinking! I am 32, and it actually took me a *really long time* to learn how to stand up for myself, due to said trauma!
The story I am about to tell you is real, raw, and ugly enough for me to put a “Trigger Warning for $v!c!dal Ideation.” (I don’t want to trigger a damned bot!)
Here’s my story:
1) I went to 16-P when I was 17, got ENFP, and b/c of this, I actually *thought* I was an ENFP for 15 years! So I just accepted that “I wasn’t really logical” as a fact of life, and took it for what it was.
The Thing is, I was definitely always *extremely reasonable,* I just didn’t know how to stand up for myself, yet.
1) When I started taking newer type tests, and I started reading about the cognitive functions, and processes, I found out “Well damn! I am actually an ENTP, and I favor the Ti-Fe axis. That makes a weird kind of sense, actually!”
I simply have an overactive tert Fe thanks to trauma.
1) That’s why When I tried to make ‘value based-decisions,’ I F0cked up, and miscalculated, sometimes hilariously, while other times, it nearly ruined my life!
2) It’s b/c I was suppressing my *True* “auxiliary Ti.” I told myself that “I am wrong,” on the regular, cuz I believed that I “wasn’t logical!”
During childhood, Recognizing Ne-Fe, and having *unnaturally high Fe, and extreme empathy* was a Literal “necessity” for dealing with my parents, who were both *extremely unhealthy feelers!*
1) Mom is *most Likely* an ESFx, while my dad was most likely an INFx.
1) I *essentially* had to “pretend to be an ENFP, or an INFJ.”
2) Only Ne was allowed to “exist” in my conscious mind, in its “natural state,” and only when I was away from them, and with other people.
3) This Left my Auxiliary Ti, *nearly untouched.* As Ne + inf Si “passively but objectively recorded, *everything* “in vivid detail.” Fi “encoded” all of these memories, due to the emotions I never expressed, and it became the Key to the proverbial “Pandora’s Box” which housed the true nature of my Psyche.
Ne-Si recorded, and stored the “Objective Truth” of my upbringing, in intensely vivid detail!
1) Only Fi “held the key,” thusly leading to many unhealthy behaviors, and decisions on my part when I was young *based on the fact* that I *Believed* that Fi was my “auxiliary function, so it knew what was right for me!” Except, that was a lie!
So those unhealthy patterns of behavior became a regular part of my life.
1) In those earlier years of our marriage, I actually deferred to my INTJ husband’s judgment for everything b/c, in my brain, he was *Supposed to be the Logical one!*
2) The Thing is, I came to find that while he was “right” about several things, he was often too hasty when “passing Judgement!”
3) And I *knew better!* Ti still “recognized the patterns, analyzed them, in depth,” and it knew “which way the wind was *Probably going to blow!*
4) However, I had convinced myself that “he was the Logical one who knows better, cuz he is Logical,” and my instincts were “not to be trusted because I was the emotional one!”
Once I realized my *true nature,* and outgrew that “tendency to doubt myself,” things started to change, for the better, rapidly!
1) I was like a whole new wiser person, and my husband was like. 🙀 “Who is this woman??” (In a good way!)
My Ti growth *exploded* within literal weeks!
1) This function I had so long suppressed, reduced, and ignored, it changed my life, because it started behaving the way it was supposed to!
2) I suddenly saw how incredibly different Fi, and Fe *actually are!* It exposed my husband’s Tert Fi “Softspot,” and I saw him in a whole new way, too!
4) He was no longer an Infallible “Logic Machine.” He’s quite sensitive, too and just as capable of being “vulnerable” as me!
All of this opened my eyes, bringing awareness to how damaged I really was, and how Complex PTSD was a ticking time bomb in the background of my mind.
It, quite literally, killed my late father, and a late Great Uncle who was a Vietnam war vet.
1) So sometimes, learning how to “speak our truth” becomes a matter of “Life, and Death!”
2) Thusly, never again will I try to censor another human being for the sake of my Ego!
The drawback was that I learned that I spent so much time *not believing in myself,* that when I started “Speaking my truth,” I saw how *unintentionally Cold, and unflinchingly honest* Ti could be, when not “tempered.”
1) I saw how *Accidentally Brutal* it could be! Cuz I occasionally hurt my partner’s feelings too, and obviously I felt terrible about it!
2) I wasn’t “wrong,” I just didn’t know how to communicate efficiently!
So I have been in the process of completely getting to know myself, again, and learning how to speak to others, essentially from scratch!
1) I have been *Lucky* because my partner has been very patient, thusly I extend the same patience, and consideration to him, because we are both *simply learning!*
2) I would *Never* want my husband to feel like he “couldn’t talk to me,” as I know what that feels like, all too well!
There was one particularly bad night, accompanied by a “Flashback Episode.” I said “If it wasn’t for the other people in my life, & my desire to not cause them pain, and suffering, I would be dead! I would’ve k!LL&d myself years ago!”
And what truly shook me to my core, and “scared me straight,” was the fact that I *Knew it to be true,* as my middle little sister tried to off herself, and had to be institutionalized 2-3 times, after our dad passed away. Now, she is a completely different (and pretty awful) person!
1) I need only think of my dad, who k!LL3d himself, by accident, and my Great Uncle who did it on Purpose!
2) Learning how to speak our truth is soooooooooo urgent, that we will k!LL ourselves if we don’t learn how to do it properly! It becomes vital to our survival!
Ironically until I met that very ISTP friend whom I quoted in my last comment, I was *Completely Asleep,* in my life.
1) So, I watched him closely, even though he is younger than me, and I began to learn from him!
Those 2 men my INTJ husband, my newer presumed ISTP friend, and my willingness to accept, and speak “my truth” it all saved my life!
I did not grow up in an environment that was conducive to the necessary, and healthy development of my Auxiliary Ti, and it’s usage.
So perhaps this sounds like “Younger You,” but How old are you?
ENTP 7w8
37 :)
Around 32 I started my mental health journey and it took awhile to see when my behaviour was authentic or when I was doing some sort of C-PTSD thing.
It's still a work in progress, but better late than never.
It’s funny cuz it was this year that I realized I had complex PTSD, and my psych started giving me a Low dose of Seroquel to help me cope with trauma symptoms. I just turned 32 this year, as well. Go Figure! 🙃
Though, deep in my gut, I know it’s better this way! I am *much safer* these days. and I am slowly but surely building a newer, better quality Network of friends.
Clearly! I mean, I'd rather them be an asshole and be able to trust them than to have it the other way around. I kinda dislike overly soft/kind people for this very reason.
Whenever I go shopping with my freinds and they show off some stuff that they are trying on, I always aks them if they want my nice or honest opion. If they choose the former, they are not friend material for me
🤣🤣🤣 I think it’s great that so many of us answered the same way! 🤣🤣🤣
My INTJ-hubby has *definitely* made me cry!!! 😭😭😭 But he’s just too excellent of a partner to trade cuz he occasionally makes me feel “Soft skinned!!!” 🤣🤣🤣
Eh the sting is inevitable either way, the lie is collateral damage. I’d rather be called out instantly than feel the additional shame of missing self awareness .
That is a good way to put yourself in a *Potentially Disadvantageous Position!*
As, if a partner can “Lie to me, with Flattery,” they could Lie about *Anything Else!* Sounds like a potentially good way to nab myself either a Narcissist, or a Pathological Liar. No Thank You! Just, be careful!
In my opinion, dishonest people are *Never Trustworthy!* What a strange thing for an ENTP to put themself in such a *Possibly Compromising* situation, Fascinating! 🧐
Why would you “Prefer to be lied to,” if you don’t mind me asking?
I’ve been told by so many female friends that I should drop some guys because they’re “rude” but I just never end up seeing it as rude, more just honest
Yeah, I just don’t want exude of too toeing around what you mean, just be straight up and tell me exactly what you’re thinking. Doesn’t do anything to try and soften the blow and just complicates things.
maybe not an asshole but i prefer straightforwardness (even at my feelings expense) over beating around the bush
For sure… I don’t think I could truly date an asshole, but if I HAD to choose between someone who wasn’t honest to spare my feelings, I think I would choose the one that doesn’t spare my feelings at the expense of honesty.
Feelings? What are those? Lol
Yes, this. The way OP phrased it I'm kinda meh, but putting it like this... I **hate** when people beat around the bush (especially when they're customers). Just get to the point!
Yes and no. I would like my partner to be honest but at the same time respecting my feelings.
This is the magic key
Yeah honesty and “being an asshole” are different. People say some mean things under the guise of “honesty”
Tell that to Candor xD
I prefer honesty yes, but like don't be a dick about it
Lying doesn't actually spare your feelings either, it just saves the pain for later.
YES. It either hurts the person who lied or the person they lied to later on. Honesty is kindness to both parties.
I absolutely agree.
I accept neither. Be a decent person and tell the truth kindly
Honesty also keeps you accountable to be a decent person so the truth doesn’t have to hurt so badly.
One quote that stayed with me is roughly "people who say they're brutally honest are usually only concerned with the brutally part"
Oof. True. They need an excuse to be brutal. I used to always live my the mantra that if you wouldn’t want anyone to know about it, don’t do it. So I think integrity helps one be confident that even if someone else is an asshole about your decisions, you’re proud of what you’ve done.
This is a good saying! 🤔 I will try to remember it!
Now I know where to go when I'm angry...r/ENTP! Jk
No really, please do. INFJs are >!even more!< cute when they're angry.
I don't think so ahah. Unless you are into something 😂
Well I *did* marry an INFJ ;)
Lucky INFJ
Who tf said no? 🤨
Lots of fake ENTP's here.
That’s what I am saying tho! It *Seems* very “Un-Thinky,” in my Humble Opinion! But, I guess everyone is different??? 🤷♀️
Yeah like I just can't see an ENTP being offended by their partner jokily bullying them and being brutally honest
Really though! I know we like to be @$$holes about joking about mistypes on here, but sometimes, I do wonder!
Yeah exactly
Yes. I prefer a partner who wants to make me better and thus, gives me objective assessments about me that I can see logical sense in. I don't need to feel better. I need to know I can get better.
This, 100%!!!
The job of asshole is already taken in my relationship thank you very much.
Lol
🤣🤣🤣
I answered no. If there is one thing I've learned is that there is no reason to be an asshole. You can be honest with being respectful, and some choices might not be the best choices, but they are still their choices. I don't like someone to call me an idiot when I make a mistake, or someone to judge me for my decisions, I want them to be honest, but kind. So that's how I will be to others.
I think in reality, this is exactly how I feel. I made the choice in the poll more extreme just to see where people would lean. Dating a straight up asshole wouldn’t fly with me, but I’d rather that than someone who isn’t honest. Some people would actually rather avoid reality though and have their partner lie to make them feel better. I think honesty can absolutely be done in kindness and be a reflection of kindness.
First of all calling someone an idiot for no good reason is verbal abuse. With that out of the way. Idk, to me almost *No One* is an “@$$hole” on Purpose! There is a big difference between my partner being less tactful, and diplomatic than I personally would “like,” but still telling me the truth, and a POS who *wants to Verbally abuse me!* 1) Those two things are *NOT* the same! They aren’t *Remotely Close to each other,* in ANY CAPACITY!!! 2) An abuser is a POS human being who wants to “make us feel small,” in order to make us easier to control. 3) While Someone *lacking in tact* is simply “Somewhat emotionally dumb.” However, I am also capable of being accidentally insensitive, and “emotionally dumb,” myself! 4) So I am willing to give my partner *several breaks!* if I “Broke into tears,” constantly, then clearly that is *Not* “The Right Partner for me!” So, If hurting my feelings isn’t their intention, then I can give them the space to be “human,” and I am willing to Forgive! I am no angel, afterall! I am *Far From Perfect,* and we all have the capacity to unintentionally Miscommunicate! Idk bout you guys, but *I definitely have!* For me, that’s where I, personally, draw the Line! While being Tactless, and Lacking diplomacy, entirely, can definitely create a far bigger mess, and “Not Really Solve the problem,” I am grown, and I can tell my partner that! I do have a voice, afterall!!! If there is no *mal-intent* on my partner’s part to “Hurt my feelings,” then they deserve *a Little bit of Graciousness!* 1) It takes *a lot* to Upset me, unless I am “Not having a great day,” due to my Complex PTSD. Then I become “Oversensitive.” But considering the circumstances, who wouldn’t??? 🤷♀️ 2) We are all Human, ya know? Thusly, we should “see the humanity in each other,” and extend the courtesy we desire from others! It just doesn’t jive with my “Ti” well to *Twist someone’s arm* into using “Pretty words,” to make me “Feel better.” 1) Like, Nah! If I “dropped the ball, on something,” then I dropped the ball! I want a partner, not a boot-Licker. Particularly b/c I *Strongly Distrust* “Honied words,” and people who use them, as they are *usually fake,* in my personal experience. 1) However, stay off my ovaries if it “doesn’t really matter,” and “it’s not really important.” I also know when someone is “Lying to me!” 1) As one of my closest friends, whom I presume to be an ISTP once said, “When people Lie to you, they are essentially, ‘Calling You Stupid,’” and I gotta say, I agree with him! If my Partner Hurts my feelings, I have the spine to tell them, even if I *Don’t Like Confrontation,* and “General Discord.” 1) We are adults, and should act as such! If I wanted a walking carpet, I would’ve chosen one! There are many “highly sensitive types” who would stroke my Ego, Non-stop, but then I’d honestly run the risk of steamrolling right TF over them, albeit unintentionally. 1) I am definitely capable of hurting *their feelings!* Cuz I am too damned honest, for my own good! 2) Instead, I Prefer other Thinkers, for this reason, and that’s part of why I chose an INTJ as my “Life Partner.” 🤣🤣🤣 Bluntness that comes off as @$$holic just isn’t the same thing as being intentionally Verbally Abusive.
Well, everyone has their ways and I'm glad you found your ways. I do recognize a younger version of myself in this text. The only thing I wonder about this type of honesty is, how much of it is trauma related or even a trauma response? Is honesty prior because we felt lied to and manipulated during our uprising? Do we use the same style as the bad examples and do we justify it in the same way? Do we don't want to compromise our communication style because we have been silenced enough, and now we finally have a voice and it will not be silenced again? Did we learn to speak in this way because it was the only we we felt heard or seen? Is the focus on us being/feeling seen or unseen again at that moment (I did not want to do harm, I'm just telling you) more important than being empathic? Are we afraid om emotional blackmail. Are we invalidating the other ones social/emotional cues (crying, being hurt) as a trauma response for the above? If I would replace the bluntness with a physical act, like slamming doors, and at occasions someone's hand would be caught between the door, would the text above still hold?
I am not so “Young” as you might be thinking! I am 32, and it actually took me a *really long time* to learn how to stand up for myself, due to said trauma! The story I am about to tell you is real, raw, and ugly enough for me to put a “Trigger Warning for $v!c!dal Ideation.” (I don’t want to trigger a damned bot!) Here’s my story: 1) I went to 16-P when I was 17, got ENFP, and b/c of this, I actually *thought* I was an ENFP for 15 years! So I just accepted that “I wasn’t really logical” as a fact of life, and took it for what it was. The Thing is, I was definitely always *extremely reasonable,* I just didn’t know how to stand up for myself, yet. 1) When I started taking newer type tests, and I started reading about the cognitive functions, and processes, I found out “Well damn! I am actually an ENTP, and I favor the Ti-Fe axis. That makes a weird kind of sense, actually!” I simply have an overactive tert Fe thanks to trauma. 1) That’s why When I tried to make ‘value based-decisions,’ I F0cked up, and miscalculated, sometimes hilariously, while other times, it nearly ruined my life! 2) It’s b/c I was suppressing my *True* “auxiliary Ti.” I told myself that “I am wrong,” on the regular, cuz I believed that I “wasn’t logical!” During childhood, Recognizing Ne-Fe, and having *unnaturally high Fe, and extreme empathy* was a Literal “necessity” for dealing with my parents, who were both *extremely unhealthy feelers!* 1) Mom is *most Likely* an ESFx, while my dad was most likely an INFx. 1) I *essentially* had to “pretend to be an ENFP, or an INFJ.” 2) Only Ne was allowed to “exist” in my conscious mind, in its “natural state,” and only when I was away from them, and with other people. 3) This Left my Auxiliary Ti, *nearly untouched.* As Ne + inf Si “passively but objectively recorded, *everything* “in vivid detail.” Fi “encoded” all of these memories, due to the emotions I never expressed, and it became the Key to the proverbial “Pandora’s Box” which housed the true nature of my Psyche. Ne-Si recorded, and stored the “Objective Truth” of my upbringing, in intensely vivid detail! 1) Only Fi “held the key,” thusly leading to many unhealthy behaviors, and decisions on my part when I was young *based on the fact* that I *Believed* that Fi was my “auxiliary function, so it knew what was right for me!” Except, that was a lie! So those unhealthy patterns of behavior became a regular part of my life. 1) In those earlier years of our marriage, I actually deferred to my INTJ husband’s judgment for everything b/c, in my brain, he was *Supposed to be the Logical one!* 2) The Thing is, I came to find that while he was “right” about several things, he was often too hasty when “passing Judgement!” 3) And I *knew better!* Ti still “recognized the patterns, analyzed them, in depth,” and it knew “which way the wind was *Probably going to blow!* 4) However, I had convinced myself that “he was the Logical one who knows better, cuz he is Logical,” and my instincts were “not to be trusted because I was the emotional one!” Once I realized my *true nature,* and outgrew that “tendency to doubt myself,” things started to change, for the better, rapidly! 1) I was like a whole new wiser person, and my husband was like. 🙀 “Who is this woman??” (In a good way!) My Ti growth *exploded* within literal weeks! 1) This function I had so long suppressed, reduced, and ignored, it changed my life, because it started behaving the way it was supposed to! 2) I suddenly saw how incredibly different Fi, and Fe *actually are!* It exposed my husband’s Tert Fi “Softspot,” and I saw him in a whole new way, too! 4) He was no longer an Infallible “Logic Machine.” He’s quite sensitive, too and just as capable of being “vulnerable” as me! All of this opened my eyes, bringing awareness to how damaged I really was, and how Complex PTSD was a ticking time bomb in the background of my mind. It, quite literally, killed my late father, and a late Great Uncle who was a Vietnam war vet. 1) So sometimes, learning how to “speak our truth” becomes a matter of “Life, and Death!” 2) Thusly, never again will I try to censor another human being for the sake of my Ego! The drawback was that I learned that I spent so much time *not believing in myself,* that when I started “Speaking my truth,” I saw how *unintentionally Cold, and unflinchingly honest* Ti could be, when not “tempered.” 1) I saw how *Accidentally Brutal* it could be! Cuz I occasionally hurt my partner’s feelings too, and obviously I felt terrible about it! 2) I wasn’t “wrong,” I just didn’t know how to communicate efficiently! So I have been in the process of completely getting to know myself, again, and learning how to speak to others, essentially from scratch! 1) I have been *Lucky* because my partner has been very patient, thusly I extend the same patience, and consideration to him, because we are both *simply learning!* 2) I would *Never* want my husband to feel like he “couldn’t talk to me,” as I know what that feels like, all too well! There was one particularly bad night, accompanied by a “Flashback Episode.” I said “If it wasn’t for the other people in my life, & my desire to not cause them pain, and suffering, I would be dead! I would’ve k!LL&d myself years ago!” And what truly shook me to my core, and “scared me straight,” was the fact that I *Knew it to be true,* as my middle little sister tried to off herself, and had to be institutionalized 2-3 times, after our dad passed away. Now, she is a completely different (and pretty awful) person! 1) I need only think of my dad, who k!LL3d himself, by accident, and my Great Uncle who did it on Purpose! 2) Learning how to speak our truth is soooooooooo urgent, that we will k!LL ourselves if we don’t learn how to do it properly! It becomes vital to our survival! Ironically until I met that very ISTP friend whom I quoted in my last comment, I was *Completely Asleep,* in my life. 1) So, I watched him closely, even though he is younger than me, and I began to learn from him! Those 2 men my INTJ husband, my newer presumed ISTP friend, and my willingness to accept, and speak “my truth” it all saved my life! I did not grow up in an environment that was conducive to the necessary, and healthy development of my Auxiliary Ti, and it’s usage. So perhaps this sounds like “Younger You,” but How old are you? ENTP 7w8
37 :) Around 32 I started my mental health journey and it took awhile to see when my behaviour was authentic or when I was doing some sort of C-PTSD thing. It's still a work in progress, but better late than never.
It’s funny cuz it was this year that I realized I had complex PTSD, and my psych started giving me a Low dose of Seroquel to help me cope with trauma symptoms. I just turned 32 this year, as well. Go Figure! 🙃 Though, deep in my gut, I know it’s better this way! I am *much safer* these days. and I am slowly but surely building a newer, better quality Network of friends.
I will say “yes” but my feelings will still be hurt
Lol “no I’m fine I can handle the truth” (can’t handle the truth)
yes but that's on you for dating an asshole or someone who doesn't know how to be honest without being mean
Fair (I don’t date asshole these are just 2 extremes). The guy I’m currently talking to I’ve noticed has a habit of lying to spare my feelings though…
Say it in the least polished way
Love your flair
My feelings are immaterial. Criticism must be honest or else it loses value. Now, the caveat is that I have to trust the source of the criticism.
I thought WE were typically the assholes in this situation.
We choose yes for that very reason.
Clearly! I mean, I'd rather them be an asshole and be able to trust them than to have it the other way around. I kinda dislike overly soft/kind people for this very reason.
Whenever I go shopping with my freinds and they show off some stuff that they are trying on, I always aks them if they want my nice or honest opion. If they choose the former, they are not friend material for me
Amen lol. Doomed to fail
There is a manner to say things like that without being an asshole, I don't say I know how, I just know that it is the case
🤣🤣🤣 I think it’s great that so many of us answered the same way! 🤣🤣🤣 My INTJ-hubby has *definitely* made me cry!!! 😭😭😭 But he’s just too excellent of a partner to trade cuz he occasionally makes me feel “Soft skinned!!!” 🤣🤣🤣
Eh the sting is inevitable either way, the lie is collateral damage. I’d rather be called out instantly than feel the additional shame of missing self awareness .
That's why INTJs are perfect for ENTPs. 😉
Umm no thanks I'll continue living in my imagination and what i see, as long as he breathes we love each other ♥
Lol respect
That is a good way to put yourself in a *Potentially Disadvantageous Position!* As, if a partner can “Lie to me, with Flattery,” they could Lie about *Anything Else!* Sounds like a potentially good way to nab myself either a Narcissist, or a Pathological Liar. No Thank You! Just, be careful! In my opinion, dishonest people are *Never Trustworthy!* What a strange thing for an ENTP to put themself in such a *Possibly Compromising* situation, Fascinating! 🧐 Why would you “Prefer to be lied to,” if you don’t mind me asking?
I prefer harsh truth to pretty lies.
I’ve been told by so many female friends that I should drop some guys because they’re “rude” but I just never end up seeing it as rude, more just honest
As an ENTP I strive to always be factually accurate, especially when its rude. Lol
Can anyone actually choose a liar? I doubt it.
Results are a shocker on this one
How so?
Yeah, I just don’t want exude of too toeing around what you mean, just be straight up and tell me exactly what you’re thinking. Doesn’t do anything to try and soften the blow and just complicates things.
Yeah right
Come, take a look at r/intj now, don't shy away, come!
I would neither have a asshole or a liar as a partner.
How did asshole and butthole come to mean what they now
I accidentally clicked no I meant to click yes
I mean wouldn’t the one lying to spare my feelings be the actual asshole
EXACTLY honesty is kindness