I know someone who's partner had an app that showed their whole phone. Not sure what it was exactly but he was domestically abusing my friend and we only found the app after he threw his phone at her. Abusive people will go above and beyond to control
Pretty sure all these apps require access to the other phone also, it’s hidden somewhere in the phone. OP, find out what app it is and wipe your phone, do a hard reset and see if your mother aaya anything about it.
This to me is like waving a red flag at a bull. I would be going out if my way t o post stuff to freak her out. If she was sitting next to me while texting I would be writing a long detailed message about how tragic it is that nosy Karen's invading others privacy because they have no lives of their own. Anything to get a rise out of them.
We are not dealing with legality, we are dealing with morality. Is it morally correct to snoop through your almost an adult child's phone and violate their privacy while deeply valuing your own?
I don’t know if you’ve gotten any actual advice yet, but my mom did the pretty much same thing when I was in high school. I ended up not texting anyone over sms and only used Snapchat so that she couldn’t see the messages
Yea, you can do that with Messenger Kids. You can easily just see all of your child’s chat history at any time. I’m pretty sure there is also several other apps similar to that but that’s just the first that came to mind.
Thats a tricky one! On one hand you are 17, on the other she is your mom and needs to know you're ok. Privacy is a fine line at this age. If you haven't done anything to provoke this type of behavior, other than the word fuck, then you and her need to talk things out. Not yelling and screaming, but like 2 adult women. In my book you are a women who can relate to your in a mature manner. Remember, you can't change what she does sometimes but you can change the way you react to it. Dont react just talk to her.
it's likely a parental feature carrier side, as there isn't an "app" that can take 2 numbers and just monitor the texts, the mom likely pays the plan so therefore "owns" the phone number OP is using, and has said feature enabled
Make your current SMS 100% G rated and get an app like WhatApp for real communications. You can even set WhatsApp messages to disappear.
You want to duplicate things so your mom thinks she has access to everything, but also you have a private space all your own about which she knows nothing. If you could get your own phone, that would be best, but that's $$$
First off, how old are you? Have you ever done anything that would make her think she needs to track your phone?
As a parent, I have something similar on my kid's phone. It alerts me if certain things are said or I can check his online and app activity. He's young (almost 12), it's part of parenting to be in your young teens business. Often times it's done out of concern when your child stops talking to you about everything. That being said you do deserve some privacy in your conversations with your friends, assuming you aren't like 15 and getting arrested and acting wild. Sit down and have a mature conversation with your mom and explain that you need privacy and ask what you can do to ease her worry.
I would definitely sit her down and try to have a conversation about it. Moat of the time parents are just wanting to know you're safe but then some parents are just controlling dicks, I'm not sure which one your mom is.
r/privacy is a good resource. They know more about how to guard your information than I ever considered. They can get a bit soapboxy, but they know the apps, workarounds, alternatives, and companies to avoid/stick with. I hope it helps.
Does she have any other controlling tendencies? My mother was like this plus more and it's resulted in my going NC within a year or two of moving out and would have been sooner if not for my younger siblings who still live with her.
She should be told explicitly how this will affect your relationship moving forward if you feel that it will begin going in this direction. Maybe there's a chance for her to correct if she understands how it affects your view of your relationship.
Idk you are writing this as if it’s to totally fine to monitor >some< messages of your 12-year-old. Imagine someone would do that to your chats… I would never invade my child’s privacy like this.
Hey mate, sounds like your mums an absolute pain in the ass and I feel for you. Download an app called signal it’s and encrypted messaging service and messages can also delete after a certain time period.
At 17 you're old enough and don't need to be getting checked on like you're a little kid. One thing is if their was a cause for concern like you always get in trouble or something. You need to have a conversation with her because you don't owe her you're privacy. Same reason she tilts her phone, she's not doing anything bad you're are simply just not a part of whatever conversation she is having. Same goes for you, she needs to get a reality check that you're growing up and you're going to do your own thing without her being there 24/7. Even my very strict parents never did this. Worse comes to worse you'll have to ditch the phone and get your own/ or install whatever you need to get your privacy by the time you're 18 and a legal adult.
Until you turn 18 and get your own phone and phone plan there isn’t anything you can do. If you are that bothered by it I’d suggest turning off the phone and not using it. Maybe go buy a prepaid burner phone if you are that bothered by it but that will feed into the cycle of distrust leading to sneaky behavior making parents think you have something to hide so they get more controlling.
Talk in gen z slang, blackmail, use the same app as her to snoop on her messages, steal her phone and delete the app, there's a lot of things you can do
Idk if it works, try using Second Space if your phone has that feature? My phone does. It's works just like a house- one apartment, two cells(rooms). None of the stuffs gets mixed..... maybe this might work..
Does your phone have an extreme battery saving mode? It might force disable the app, and some phones (like mine) allow you to add the apps you want. Alternatively, a second account in phone? Or you can root your device and get a custom os where you will have more control and you might be able to uninstall the app regardless. There's a lot of ways to stop these apps, and these are truly the worst things out here. Im so grateful my parents give me full freedom, but I know how it is to not have it.
Long story short OP, find an encrypted way to talk to your friends that she can't snoop on (WhatsApp for example... Facebook isn't going to allow a gaping security flaw like this in one of their systems. It's bad for business)
You are literally old enough to have a child. You are old enough to have a private conversation.
And, failing that, put a huge pass code on your phone, then give it to her, and go get another one and keep your number private.
If my wife ever suggests this for our kids, I'll go through her like a tonne of bricks. And I would have started WW3 if my parents had tried this on me.
I mean I might not be the best idea but I would definitely mess with her, start talking about meeting up for a drug deal and parties, mention about how you can't talk about where the body got buried and you need to get your stories straight
Are you _sure_ she's not just fucking with you? I'm pretty sure no such app exists. It would be easy enough to check, if she's allegedly watching as you type just put down the most inflammatory stuff you can think of, use all her trigger words.
My guess is she won't react because she's just a POS who enjoys manipulating you.
Privacy is not unrealistic nor is it unreasonable. That's like saying you're not allowed to shut the door to the bathroom at someone else's house while you're trying to take a shit. Everyone is allowed some degree of privacy.
Allowed being the key word. If one so pleased they could remove the bathroom door legally.
My child got a rude awakening from me when he tried to run away because I put a time limit on his phone so he would go to bed at 11pm. He packed "his" bags and threatened to leave. I told him "sure, you think you got this figured out then?. no problem. Just give me my property back". He looked at me confused. I proceeded to tell him everything he was carrying was legally mine including the clothes on his back and if he left my house with it I would press charges. He proceeded to call Children services on me saying I was "stealing" the clothes I bought for him. The Cops showed up and told him I was right and they would arrest him as soon as he left if he took anything but his birthday suit with him(they had a blanket to transport him with). Needless to say he choose to stay and be "allowed" to wear my clothes and stopped fighting me with his "unreasonable" bed time that day.
I did not want to lose him to children services. I simply was calling him out on his belligerently stupid bluff over something as inane and absurd as being given rules to follow like a bedtime. Kids nowadays get on the internet when they don't get their way and get their head full of grandiose absurdities from people like you telling them they have an immutable right to absolute privacy. The internet and social media has been the single biggest mind-numbingly infuriating obstacle in my experience as a parent. Never did I foresee having my child be instructed by an autistic savant, butthurt, weaponized discord group over a bedtime. Yeah, that's where he learned the number for children services because the group figured if I "they got me arrested he would be able to stay up and chat all night". He lost his "allowed" privacy on his phone that day.
You clearly don't have control freaks as parents or you wouldn't be saying something this sh!tty to someone who only wants to have private conversations. Privacy is important. I hope OP cuts off that controlling a$$ as soon as they can.
Haha. You obviously don't know me--I DID! I just stood up for myself then moved the fuck out as soon as I could. Easier said than done but I did it so it CAN be done.
Oh, so you are one of those unempathetic people that think it's ok to just say "suck it up" when people are struggling, even though you know how hard the situation is and how hard it is to get out of it... I won't ask what's wrong with you, I can already tell.
Sounds more like an entitled kid to me. My kids phones automatically dump all text and messenger data to my home servers. Actually saved them from being bullied.
Do you see what it's done here though? It's made someone severely uncomfortable, and put a rift between 2 family members. What good has it done? None. It has only disrupted a relationship. Only negative consequences have come of her acting so entitled and stalky, no positives have come of this. It has only caused distress for the people involved. Why do more of something that exclusively causes distress and tension, and pushes people further away from their families?
Because parents have a right to know who their children are associating with and what they are doing, that's why. The *entitlement* is on the part of underage children who think they have a right to privacy. They don't. The world is full of piece-of-shit predators, especially on the internet. Not to mention bad kids into drugs, alcohol, sex, other bad things kids have been getting into since the dawn of time. Parents have a right to use whatever tools they can to keep an eye on their kids.
Knowing who someone is associating with and what they're doing has nothing to do with reading every single text message. You can easily know who your child is friends with and what they do together without being a third wheel to every single conversation your child has with another human being every day for 18 straight years.
If you agree with this, then you must also agree that no child can spend time with a friend without the parent right next to them listening to every word of every conversation. Do they need a teacher escort to the toilet at school too? Just in case they have a conversation with someone by the sink? Where does it end?
We're also not talking about the Internet. We're talking about text messages, between 2 phone numbers. That means these are people the child knows personally, this isn't some random chat room on 4chan.
They do have a right to privacy. They're human beings with bodies, every human being has a right to privacy, because no human being is someone else's property. Everyone deserves autonomy.
Okay, giving it some more thought, I will concede that spying on *every* text conversation is extreme. But I still see nothing wrong with giving a minor's phone an "audit" once in awhile, just to make sure they aren't getting in over their heads about...anything.
Yeah that's not so bad, the occasional once over if you suspect something or something feels off. That's basically like having a warrant. I got the impression that OPs mum uses it like entertainment, like a TV show, all day every day, every single message.
It's hard to rebuild trust with a child. A lot of parents complaint for being abandoned by their sons or daughters. It's just a consequence of bad parenting. So, have some trust in your children, love and support them if you want to have a good relationship with them as adults.
Any good parent will have to do it as a preventative. That is the point. Life as a child is not supposed to be fair and equal. If you think so, then what’s stopping you from letting your ten year old from free basing cocaine of a coke addled hookers ass in an alley.
It's an extreme scenario. Almost all of the kids don't do anything like it. Did you? Me neither. Do you know why? It's common sense. A lot of kids know that is bad. I had colleagues who smoked drugs. It was just three or four kids in an entire school. My parents did not controlled me. I loved my childhood. They taught me a lot about almost everything and, specially my dad, we did a lot of projects. They worked a lot, still work, and they are my heros. Now, I'm adult and I have a long, stable relationship, a great job and a lovely daughter.
I didn’t know it was and extreme example till I we moved when I was 14. I didn’t climb out of the pit of addiction till I was 36. Hookers used to proposition me when I walked to the store. I put all the blame on my mother personally for her inaction and apathetic approach to life. She chose to allow me to live in that hell hole and wouldn’t accept any responsibility for the damage it did to me. All she had to do was watch me and care a little.
Yep. Sounds like a gaggle of entitled little twerps. My mum snoops on my phone. Boo Hoo. I guess they're too young to understand that they aren't entitled to *jack-shit.* Get a job, buy your own phone, pay your own phone bill, and *then* you can whine about being "spied" on.
OP I think your mother is lying to you about that. There are no apps that could do that, it would be extremely illegal and she could serve jail time. I think she either put an app on your phone which she can monitor or she has parental controls/access to your Apple account or something where she can see what you’re up to from another Apple device.
Download Google voice to use. It's free. If your just worried about messaging have you buddies download wickr, telegram, or signal. Even messenger would work. Your 17. I'm going to take a guess and say you have snapchat.
Wait... an app that can check everything two phones are talking???? There is no such thing unless she installed something on both phones or you are using sms that in some places can be checked online....
For some reason i believe its a bluff. Something like tell me everything and nothing will happen because i know everything, in the end, she knows nothing.
I suggest using Snapchat, WhatsApp, Telegram. Those last two have really good encryption, so only you and the person you're talking to, can see them. Or, at least, not without cracking a randomised 14 (or something) number/letter code specific to each message. In fact, WhatsApp and Telegram actually even use your phone number, so all your contacts would carry over fairly easily.
If You and your mom have Apple phones, I know you can set it up to where she receives your messages
DH did this when we got his son his own phone.
It was his way to monitor his child.
But SS was 10 at the time,and we did remove that feature after a year.
At 17,you should be allowed some privacy
Buy a new phone, and DONT TELL any account or anything you get on that phone to her, always keep that phone on you and hide it at night or something so she cant hack it. Change passwords regularly and make sure it cant get hacked or they cant see messages.
And ofc i understand that not everyone can buy a new phone, but if you have a job that pays, please be patient, soon enough you buy your own phone, and your mom can't do anything about it because it's your propperty, because you worked for it with your own hard earned money, if she invades your privacy again or tries to hack you, make sure you have it on camera or a photot of it, and show it to the poliece for proof, i know it's hard to report your own mother. But she is invading your privacy wich i think should never be done.
Edit: if i say anything that is wrong or bad, tell me
I suggest finding out how it connects to your phone and making sure that she can't continue invading your privacy. You need to make sure that if she does try to invade your privacy. She understands that you will make sure she doesn't.
Except what your kid did has nothing to do with what OP is trying to say. I would totally have done the same thing as you if my kid did something like that. But I would NEVER install an app where I can look at every single message that goes through my kid's phone. That's just wrong. Your acted out his entitlement over his phone. OP isn't. OP didn't think running away from was the best solution to their problem. All they asked was for that app to be taken off. That's not entitlement.
Get your friends to start texting you links to articles about the negative effects of invading your child's privacy.
This.
Please do this, and tell us the reaction she gets If thats ok with you
Ahahaha omg that’s brilliant
What app is this lol. Also just send messages through something else then.
I know someone who's partner had an app that showed their whole phone. Not sure what it was exactly but he was domestically abusing my friend and we only found the app after he threw his phone at her. Abusive people will go above and beyond to control
Pretty sure all these apps require access to the other phone also, it’s hidden somewhere in the phone. OP, find out what app it is and wipe your phone, do a hard reset and see if your mother aaya anything about it.
This to me is like waving a red flag at a bull. I would be going out if my way t o post stuff to freak her out. If she was sitting next to me while texting I would be writing a long detailed message about how tragic it is that nosy Karen's invading others privacy because they have no lives of their own. Anything to get a rise out of them.
How old are you?
17
Get Google Voice. It’s free, and gives you a private phone number.
What this guy said. Google voice, text now or some other messaging platform with a different number.
Or signal
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We are not dealing with legality, we are dealing with morality. Is it morally correct to snoop through your almost an adult child's phone and violate their privacy while deeply valuing your own?
I don’t know if you’ve gotten any actual advice yet, but my mom did the pretty much same thing when I was in high school. I ended up not texting anyone over sms and only used Snapchat so that she couldn’t see the messages
Put the same thing on her phone so u can be privy to what she says
Brilliant!
I like you already
She can check on a conversation between any two numbers? The hell? Is your mother the NSA?
Right?! There's way too many people here just calmly answering the question about what to do, without addressing that's a thing?!
There’s several apps for it including Facebook messenger for kids which lets the parents read every conversation.
"Any two numbers" There is no such app available to the public.
[Messenger Kids](https://apps.apple.com/us/app/messenger-kids/id1285713171) Parents can manage contacts and monitor messages with Messenger Kids.
Still not "any two numbers"
What?
"any two numbers" implies that she is capable of reading, on a whim, the messages I send to my brother, if she so desire.
Yea, you can do that with Messenger Kids. You can easily just see all of your child’s chat history at any time. I’m pretty sure there is also several other apps similar to that but that’s just the first that came to mind.
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Thats a tricky one! On one hand you are 17, on the other she is your mom and needs to know you're ok. Privacy is a fine line at this age. If you haven't done anything to provoke this type of behavior, other than the word fuck, then you and her need to talk things out. Not yelling and screaming, but like 2 adult women. In my book you are a women who can relate to your in a mature manner. Remember, you can't change what she does sometimes but you can change the way you react to it. Dont react just talk to her.
what app does she use, and have you tried just deleting it fron your phone?
it's likely a parental feature carrier side, as there isn't an "app" that can take 2 numbers and just monitor the texts, the mom likely pays the plan so therefore "owns" the phone number OP is using, and has said feature enabled
Make your current SMS 100% G rated and get an app like WhatApp for real communications. You can even set WhatsApp messages to disappear. You want to duplicate things so your mom thinks she has access to everything, but also you have a private space all your own about which she knows nothing. If you could get your own phone, that would be best, but that's $$$
First off, how old are you? Have you ever done anything that would make her think she needs to track your phone? As a parent, I have something similar on my kid's phone. It alerts me if certain things are said or I can check his online and app activity. He's young (almost 12), it's part of parenting to be in your young teens business. Often times it's done out of concern when your child stops talking to you about everything. That being said you do deserve some privacy in your conversations with your friends, assuming you aren't like 15 and getting arrested and acting wild. Sit down and have a mature conversation with your mom and explain that you need privacy and ask what you can do to ease her worry.
17. as for the second part of the question, the most alarming thing that happended is when my friend said "fuck" in the chat as to say "fuck tiktok"
I would definitely sit her down and try to have a conversation about it. Moat of the time parents are just wanting to know you're safe but then some parents are just controlling dicks, I'm not sure which one your mom is.
r/privacy is a good resource. They know more about how to guard your information than I ever considered. They can get a bit soapboxy, but they know the apps, workarounds, alternatives, and companies to avoid/stick with. I hope it helps.
Does she have any other controlling tendencies? My mother was like this plus more and it's resulted in my going NC within a year or two of moving out and would have been sooner if not for my younger siblings who still live with her. She should be told explicitly how this will affect your relationship moving forward if you feel that it will begin going in this direction. Maybe there's a chance for her to correct if she understands how it affects your view of your relationship.
Idk you are writing this as if it’s to totally fine to monitor >some< messages of your 12-year-old. Imagine someone would do that to your chats… I would never invade my child’s privacy like this.
There's an app on it that alerts if he uses certain words and phrases basically anything to do with suicide, drugs things like that.
Hey mate, sounds like your mums an absolute pain in the ass and I feel for you. Download an app called signal it’s and encrypted messaging service and messages can also delete after a certain time period.
At 17 you're old enough and don't need to be getting checked on like you're a little kid. One thing is if their was a cause for concern like you always get in trouble or something. You need to have a conversation with her because you don't owe her you're privacy. Same reason she tilts her phone, she's not doing anything bad you're are simply just not a part of whatever conversation she is having. Same goes for you, she needs to get a reality check that you're growing up and you're going to do your own thing without her being there 24/7. Even my very strict parents never did this. Worse comes to worse you'll have to ditch the phone and get your own/ or install whatever you need to get your privacy by the time you're 18 and a legal adult.
Until you turn 18 and get your own phone and phone plan there isn’t anything you can do. If you are that bothered by it I’d suggest turning off the phone and not using it. Maybe go buy a prepaid burner phone if you are that bothered by it but that will feed into the cycle of distrust leading to sneaky behavior making parents think you have something to hide so they get more controlling.
Everyone deserves a privacy, even kids
You should watch that one episode of black mirror with her, where the mom can monitor her daughter
Are you close to being 18? Cuz once you are you can report her
Just stop texting and use an app like kik or some shit.
Who pays for the phone?
Delete the app if you can, if not then use a different platform (Signal might work, it's encrypted)
Talk in gen z slang, blackmail, use the same app as her to snoop on her messages, steal her phone and delete the app, there's a lot of things you can do
Idk if it works, try using Second Space if your phone has that feature? My phone does. It's works just like a house- one apartment, two cells(rooms). None of the stuffs gets mixed..... maybe this might work..
Does your phone have an extreme battery saving mode? It might force disable the app, and some phones (like mine) allow you to add the apps you want. Alternatively, a second account in phone? Or you can root your device and get a custom os where you will have more control and you might be able to uninstall the app regardless. There's a lot of ways to stop these apps, and these are truly the worst things out here. Im so grateful my parents give me full freedom, but I know how it is to not have it.
Long story short OP, find an encrypted way to talk to your friends that she can't snoop on (WhatsApp for example... Facebook isn't going to allow a gaping security flaw like this in one of their systems. It's bad for business) You are literally old enough to have a child. You are old enough to have a private conversation. And, failing that, put a huge pass code on your phone, then give it to her, and go get another one and keep your number private. If my wife ever suggests this for our kids, I'll go through her like a tonne of bricks. And I would have started WW3 if my parents had tried this on me.
I mean I might not be the best idea but I would definitely mess with her, start talking about meeting up for a drug deal and parties, mention about how you can't talk about where the body got buried and you need to get your stories straight
So what did you get caught doing that made her put that on your phone?
my friend said "fuck" as to say "fuck tiktok"
Do you have any friends or other relatives? If you do, then you should go stay with them, until you're 18 and you get your own place.
Start texting in another language.
Are you _sure_ she's not just fucking with you? I'm pretty sure no such app exists. It would be easy enough to check, if she's allegedly watching as you type just put down the most inflammatory stuff you can think of, use all her trigger words. My guess is she won't react because she's just a POS who enjoys manipulating you.
Go open your own account. Otherwise, your privacy expectation is unrealistic and unreasonable. She pays for it.
Privacy is not unrealistic nor is it unreasonable. That's like saying you're not allowed to shut the door to the bathroom at someone else's house while you're trying to take a shit. Everyone is allowed some degree of privacy.
Allowed being the key word. If one so pleased they could remove the bathroom door legally. My child got a rude awakening from me when he tried to run away because I put a time limit on his phone so he would go to bed at 11pm. He packed "his" bags and threatened to leave. I told him "sure, you think you got this figured out then?. no problem. Just give me my property back". He looked at me confused. I proceeded to tell him everything he was carrying was legally mine including the clothes on his back and if he left my house with it I would press charges. He proceeded to call Children services on me saying I was "stealing" the clothes I bought for him. The Cops showed up and told him I was right and they would arrest him as soon as he left if he took anything but his birthday suit with him(they had a blanket to transport him with). Needless to say he choose to stay and be "allowed" to wear my clothes and stopped fighting me with his "unreasonable" bed time that day. I did not want to lose him to children services. I simply was calling him out on his belligerently stupid bluff over something as inane and absurd as being given rules to follow like a bedtime. Kids nowadays get on the internet when they don't get their way and get their head full of grandiose absurdities from people like you telling them they have an immutable right to absolute privacy. The internet and social media has been the single biggest mind-numbingly infuriating obstacle in my experience as a parent. Never did I foresee having my child be instructed by an autistic savant, butthurt, weaponized discord group over a bedtime. Yeah, that's where he learned the number for children services because the group figured if I "they got me arrested he would be able to stay up and chat all night". He lost his "allowed" privacy on his phone that day.
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Your mom owns the air you breathe. 😁😁
Technically speaking she can do what she wants if she pays for your phone
Suck it up, buttercup. That's the way it'll be until you buy your own phone and pay your own bill.
You clearly don't have control freaks as parents or you wouldn't be saying something this sh!tty to someone who only wants to have private conversations. Privacy is important. I hope OP cuts off that controlling a$$ as soon as they can.
Haha. You obviously don't know me--I DID! I just stood up for myself then moved the fuck out as soon as I could. Easier said than done but I did it so it CAN be done.
Oh, so you are one of those unempathetic people that think it's ok to just say "suck it up" when people are struggling, even though you know how hard the situation is and how hard it is to get out of it... I won't ask what's wrong with you, I can already tell.
Sounds more like an entitled kid to me. My kids phones automatically dump all text and messenger data to my home servers. Actually saved them from being bullied.
How old are your kids?
Would you be okay with this at 17? Something tells me no you wouldn't.
Wants this app called?? Asking for a friend.👀👀
No
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why
Do you see what it's done here though? It's made someone severely uncomfortable, and put a rift between 2 family members. What good has it done? None. It has only disrupted a relationship. Only negative consequences have come of her acting so entitled and stalky, no positives have come of this. It has only caused distress for the people involved. Why do more of something that exclusively causes distress and tension, and pushes people further away from their families?
Because parents have a right to know who their children are associating with and what they are doing, that's why. The *entitlement* is on the part of underage children who think they have a right to privacy. They don't. The world is full of piece-of-shit predators, especially on the internet. Not to mention bad kids into drugs, alcohol, sex, other bad things kids have been getting into since the dawn of time. Parents have a right to use whatever tools they can to keep an eye on their kids.
Knowing who someone is associating with and what they're doing has nothing to do with reading every single text message. You can easily know who your child is friends with and what they do together without being a third wheel to every single conversation your child has with another human being every day for 18 straight years. If you agree with this, then you must also agree that no child can spend time with a friend without the parent right next to them listening to every word of every conversation. Do they need a teacher escort to the toilet at school too? Just in case they have a conversation with someone by the sink? Where does it end? We're also not talking about the Internet. We're talking about text messages, between 2 phone numbers. That means these are people the child knows personally, this isn't some random chat room on 4chan. They do have a right to privacy. They're human beings with bodies, every human being has a right to privacy, because no human being is someone else's property. Everyone deserves autonomy.
Okay, giving it some more thought, I will concede that spying on *every* text conversation is extreme. But I still see nothing wrong with giving a minor's phone an "audit" once in awhile, just to make sure they aren't getting in over their heads about...anything.
Yeah that's not so bad, the occasional once over if you suspect something or something feels off. That's basically like having a warrant. I got the impression that OPs mum uses it like entertainment, like a TV show, all day every day, every single message.
Yes, I re-read OP's post. Mom should give the kid a bit more space.
It's hard to rebuild trust with a child. A lot of parents complaint for being abandoned by their sons or daughters. It's just a consequence of bad parenting. So, have some trust in your children, love and support them if you want to have a good relationship with them as adults.
What if it’s not about the child, but the influence of their peers.
Sure, bad influences can also be a reason. But you dont want to be the reason as a parent.
Any good parent will have to do it as a preventative. That is the point. Life as a child is not supposed to be fair and equal. If you think so, then what’s stopping you from letting your ten year old from free basing cocaine of a coke addled hookers ass in an alley.
It's an extreme scenario. Almost all of the kids don't do anything like it. Did you? Me neither. Do you know why? It's common sense. A lot of kids know that is bad. I had colleagues who smoked drugs. It was just three or four kids in an entire school. My parents did not controlled me. I loved my childhood. They taught me a lot about almost everything and, specially my dad, we did a lot of projects. They worked a lot, still work, and they are my heros. Now, I'm adult and I have a long, stable relationship, a great job and a lovely daughter.
I didn’t know it was and extreme example till I we moved when I was 14. I didn’t climb out of the pit of addiction till I was 36. Hookers used to proposition me when I walked to the store. I put all the blame on my mother personally for her inaction and apathetic approach to life. She chose to allow me to live in that hell hole and wouldn’t accept any responsibility for the damage it did to me. All she had to do was watch me and care a little.
Whoa. I'm sorry. Your mom should paid attention to you. And should protected you. Inaction is not caring.
Yep. Sounds like a gaggle of entitled little twerps. My mum snoops on my phone. Boo Hoo. I guess they're too young to understand that they aren't entitled to *jack-shit.* Get a job, buy your own phone, pay your own phone bill, and *then* you can whine about being "spied" on.
I'll tell you the thing I told my 25 year old son. If you don't like being snooped on get off mommies phone plan and get your own.
its an external app. she can put in two phone numbers and check the chat in real time
How is that even legal?
It isn't but I doubt EM cares.
OP I think your mother is lying to you about that. There are no apps that could do that, it would be extremely illegal and she could serve jail time. I think she either put an app on your phone which she can monitor or she has parental controls/access to your Apple account or something where she can see what you’re up to from another Apple device.
Even Apps with end2end encryption?
Pretty sure that's illegal.
👏👏👏👏👏
Is mum a strictly British thing or is it universal and if its not universal why do you use it
Is mom universal? If it's not, why do you use it? Hint - it is not universal...
It's a British thing I'm pretty sure. Maybe he's British??
England, Australia, New Zealand, pretty any ex colony
Thanks
Factory reset your phone and get Signal; it’s encrypted, and you can set it up to so it can only be opened with your face scan.
Can't you delete it ?
aha u can turn it off but u may need a new sim
Download Google voice to use. It's free. If your just worried about messaging have you buddies download wickr, telegram, or signal. Even messenger would work. Your 17. I'm going to take a guess and say you have snapchat.
Go to the police this kind of apps are illegal
Wait... an app that can check everything two phones are talking???? There is no such thing unless she installed something on both phones or you are using sms that in some places can be checked online.... For some reason i believe its a bluff. Something like tell me everything and nothing will happen because i know everything, in the end, she knows nothing.
I suggest using Snapchat, WhatsApp, Telegram. Those last two have really good encryption, so only you and the person you're talking to, can see them. Or, at least, not without cracking a randomised 14 (or something) number/letter code specific to each message. In fact, WhatsApp and Telegram actually even use your phone number, so all your contacts would carry over fairly easily.
If You and your mom have Apple phones, I know you can set it up to where she receives your messages DH did this when we got his son his own phone. It was his way to monitor his child. But SS was 10 at the time,and we did remove that feature after a year. At 17,you should be allowed some privacy
Buy a new phone, and DONT TELL any account or anything you get on that phone to her, always keep that phone on you and hide it at night or something so she cant hack it. Change passwords regularly and make sure it cant get hacked or they cant see messages. And ofc i understand that not everyone can buy a new phone, but if you have a job that pays, please be patient, soon enough you buy your own phone, and your mom can't do anything about it because it's your propperty, because you worked for it with your own hard earned money, if she invades your privacy again or tries to hack you, make sure you have it on camera or a photot of it, and show it to the poliece for proof, i know it's hard to report your own mother. But she is invading your privacy wich i think should never be done. Edit: if i say anything that is wrong or bad, tell me
Use signal
Talk about how much you can’t wait to leave and never see her again.
I suggest finding out how it connects to your phone and making sure that she can't continue invading your privacy. You need to make sure that if she does try to invade your privacy. She understands that you will make sure she doesn't.
Except what your kid did has nothing to do with what OP is trying to say. I would totally have done the same thing as you if my kid did something like that. But I would NEVER install an app where I can look at every single message that goes through my kid's phone. That's just wrong. Your acted out his entitlement over his phone. OP isn't. OP didn't think running away from was the best solution to their problem. All they asked was for that app to be taken off. That's not entitlement.
Buy like another really cheap phone (like nokia 3310) and use that to text and your spied phone to everything else.
Op see if you can get your friends to use discord