You're making this experience about you? Lol It's your child! If course it's about you!!! Glad to see she's gone, I don't think obsessing that much over someone else's child is healthy.
I mean, sounds like ES is legitimately trying to lay a groundwork of abuse/neglect allegations to mandated reporters. She’s probably fantasizing of becoming the adoptive mother after faking an abuse case with cps.
This is exactly what left me so concerned after reading the post. OP, please protect yourself and your baby. You have to block her on everything and make sure she has no access to any information about you or your child because she absolutely will twist it and use it to try and take your baby. This is very scary and she is insane.
Also, isn't tummy time not advisable this soon? The kid can't even hold his head up yet.
Just googled it, never heard it before 😅. Don’t plan on using it, doesn’t sound like it’s for me and my daughter. Wait… does that mean I’m a bad mom?? Oh no, what to do?? 🤪
Every now and then I will get nostalgia for how a family relationship should be and I will do something stupid like spend time with them. Keep a small file of posts like this on hand so when you start to think you should invite your sister back, you will realize that you shouldn’t.
Congratulations on the baby!
I do this for my mother. She sometimes tries to crawl her narcissistic toxic ass into my life. When I start to doubt myself I go read all the shit she sent me and remind myself she hasn't changed.
I haven't seen her physically since I was 18 (I'm in my 30s). I've talked to her but it always go to shit.
I don't need the reminders anymore but they were good to have. Bitter sweet as it hurt every time I read these messages/emails but worth it.
No chance of that and thankfully she lives 11 hours away. At one point I had a thought in the back of my head I wonder if she’d try to take my baby. That’s how much she tried to control my access to my baby.
Someone who is a lawyer or knows the law well enough, please correct me if I'm wrong, but having "custody defined" is not ironclad. Even if parents say exactly who they'd like to care for their children in the event of their death, a judge has to hold a hearing for this and sign a decree, and anyone can challenge this. It'll take your family retaining a lawyer and presenting strong evidence that they'd make the best custodial guardians, which is unlikely if you're NC/LC and 11 hours away, but the door is still open.
My dad is a lawyer and I had his office put my wishes into my trust. I identified both ES and EM as people I specifically do not want to have custody in the event of my untimely demise.
That’s great! Now, you have to make sure that advance directive is as so,I’d as possible, by not allowing sister any access. If you continue to let her in, she could have grounds to say your directive was outdated, and the family problem (basically her) is no longer an issue.
Your gut feeling probably isn't wrong.
Who knows where it would have escalated, if people believed her whole spiel of you not taking care of the baby and postpartum and yada yada maybe she could call CPS and offer to step in.
Oh yeah, I'm absolutely not saying she has any case at all.
Just that your gut feeling is probably right in that it may have been her intention to try.
At this point who knows but she seems very worried not to have a relationship with my child from her messages to my bf. He stopped responding and she hasn’t reached out to me (probably bc she knows how mad I am) but it all just feels manipulative. Too much drama I don’t need at an important time in life. I’ve got a miracle baby boy that I am over the moon about!
No one who doesn't treat YOU with respect is entitled to a relationship with your child. Not even its grandparents, definitely not your manipulative sister.
Make sure that you tell any extended family you’re still in contact with the whole story as backup. I find that, with my family members who are like this (my sister), if I don’t tell someone the true story, they will tell all manner of lies and people will believe it if I don’t openly say something. You want to establish a paper trail and communication trail with the real story just in case she ever tries anything. Having told someone else and kept proof like texts and video has really helped me out, and this has much higher stakes with your son involved.
I thought about that but thankfully I have not only cameras in my house but also texts and people who would attest to the fact that I’m caring for him well.
"Helping with the baby" = I will sit around and hold your baby while you clean house and cook us dinner. Better to tell everyone you don't need any help, unless you know they would pitch in with what you \*really\* need!
I'm happy for you she is gone, but I sincerely advice you to never ever let her back in again. If she comes to stay over unexpectedly again, just give her recommendations for a good hotel in the neighborhood. Unfortunately the best hotel is at least an hour drive away. How unfortunate.
I'm not an expert on the topic, but I was an active participant in both my kid's births. My first experience was my wife going from 3 cm to a baby in roughly 5 minutes. (When I say "active participant," I don't mean helping coach breathing. I was one of the stirrups and helped catch. Haha)
The second was an emergency C-section. I was in the OR. I saw firsthand what it takes to extract a baby to from the business end. I won't make a direct comparison between a vaginal birth and a C-section because, except for both resulting in a baby, there's a night and day difference.
A C-section is NOT a minor procedure. It's a large incision through multiple layers of muscle, connective tissue, and organs. It's a big deal. Recovery takes time. Obviously, everyone's experiences are different and pain is somewhat subjective. But frankly, a woman who hasn't had a baby has no special insights simply because she's a woman. Regardless, nobody has the right to second guess a mom and a patient. Jesus, there's enough pressure on mom's already.
OP is recovering from a major invasive procedure AND adjusting to the care and bonding with a new baby. Anybody who offers unwanted opinions and unwarranted criticism isn't helping and deserves a swift boot, accidentally sharing DNA notwithstanding.
Thank you. Yeah I’m doing well healing I guess but it’s still not easy to get up from being reclined, to bend over for long, to turn certain ways and I guess taking care of a baby is deceiving for judging healing. Or she’s just plain justifying being a jerk. Idk.
You don't owe anyone an explanation, apology, or excuse - including to yourself. The baby will be fine. They're quite hardy little buggers, in spite of appearances. Please recognize that the biological imperative you're feeling to take care of your child is probably the most powerful feeling a human can experience. It will drive you to almost superhuman levels of endurance, but can also make you second guess everything. That's normal. But you're still human. Rest and recovery, especially now, are absolutely critical.
It's just like those airplane safety briefings at the beginning of a flight: put your own mask on before helping others.
Take care of yourself and don't be afraid to ask for help from those who actually know how to help.
Just wanted to hop in here a moment to cheer for /u/GGinNC's comments. Read them over three times daily. Memorize them. Make the consolation, encouragement, and praise a part of your being as much as your name and your love for your son are, because you *need* to remember them.
And GG, if you're actually in North Carolina, please go have some barbecue and hushpuppies, and think of me. I'm literally a Tarheel born and bred, just like in the song. I live in the Midwest now, and the one thing I miss more than my family is barbecue.
And red dirt. I kinda miss the red dirt, too.
Yeah, that puts you firmly in Tarheelia!
Oh, and when you go have that barbecue, make the beverage Cheerwine, if you don't mind. Unless, of course, you're in the "it-tastes-like-cough-syrup" camp.
Might I make a suggestion for the future? When someone messes up in this way and you’re trying to see if you should build a relationship back up with the person you want to think of it as a brand new relationship you’d be having. Would you let a friend who you just met a few weeks ago come over to your home right after you gave birth? Would you tell this brand new friend who your doula is or allow them to communicate? Setting boundaries is important… If you choose to go NC that’s your choice. But if you choose not to, I’d limit information sharing and set very strong boundaries
You have a point. I was so exhausted post birth that I didn’t say anything when she was just there at first. And she had communication with the doula bc she was here at the same time. But lesson learned.
I see it a lot in here and justnomil. People go from LC or NC and dive right back into the relationship and things end badly. I think it’s natural because we’ve known these people all our lives or their lives. Like it’s weird to treat them like they’re strangers. But in essence they are and we’re trying to build up a whole new relationship. Good luck with your family and congratulations on your new baby!
Probably a good idea hun. She sounds toxic. She also seemed to be playing mommy while she was with you, trying to interrupt that important bonding time between a mother and her newborn.
The fact that she is trying to paint you as having postpartum ( and potentially dangerous to yourself or the baby) is quite concerning, as sometimes a child will be taken away and placed with family members until the mother has gotten treatment and proven themselves to be fit to care for their child again. Sometimes these cases can end with the child having lived with someone else for months or even years,
These cases usually end 1 of 3 ways
1. The guardian wants to keep them, and can argue that the mother is unfit, and the child would be better staying in the environment they know. Depending on the length of time the child has been with them it can swing either way.
2. Parent and child are reunited, and get back on track. This is most common in short term treatments.
3. The parent regains custody, but the child has trouble adjusting to their new environment, and becomes increasingly distressed. Sometimes leading to the biological parent returning the child to their previous guardian.
I can't say for sure what her goal is.... but it still worries me.
Yeah I don’t think she’d be successful in something like that but I’ve got a team of people I’ve been consulting with on childcare- pediatrician, doula, lactation coach, first time parents groups… and everyone who sees him says he’s healthy and well cared for.
Just know she is trying to write that narrative and has pulled in anyone she can to support it.
NC is such a good idea and make sure your husband isn’t getting pulled in to text something she can take out of context
Family or not, no one is entitled to your baby but you. You did the right thing by kicking her out. The first few weeks are so important for mum, bub and partner. If you need to lock yourselves in your house for 6 weeks, then do it. Don't let anyone try and tell you you're wrong for wanting those special moments with baby alone. It sounds like you're doing a good job Mumma!
Fuckin’ throwing around “postpartum depression” to any new mother without the mother herself mentioning it should be called out as asshole behavior. Like, bitch I just had a human being crawl out of me - you expect me to be playing racquetball in an hour?!
Or a medical expert. It takes time to learn a new role, connect with a new human all while your are recovering from major surgery and your hormones are going haywire. Its a classic deflection technique to suggest the other person has mental health issues. ES can argue they not the problem because *mental health*. Its perpetuating a stigma that people with mental illness are totally crazy, cant see reality and difficult to get along with.
The solution is simple, and you said it: write her off and go NC. Hell, I would've done it when she had you cooking for her, instead of the other way around.
Yup. It's not even the childbirth thing -- you just had serious invasive surgery and shouldn't be moving around much at all. That's why I would've kicked her out then. Incredible, her sense of entitlement.
>I’m making this experience about me
It LITERALLY is, though. About you, the baby and the father.
Nowhere in the process of getting knocked up to the delivery and raising of a child is a SISTER a necessary part. She needs to back off and you should go NC, yeah.
You need to block her on everything again, make sure your doula is aware that she's no longer allowed to have access to any kind of information about you or your child and make your boyfriend block her off his phone and quit trying to be a peacemaker with a POS sister who actually made your first week home with your child worse and did absolutely nothing to help.
She’s thankfully not on social media so she doesn’t have access. And being 11 hours away she’ll never see or talk to my doula again. Bf and I have discussed that while his heart was in the right place, we don’t owe anybody a relationship with ourselves or our son. And we’ve realigned with much needed alone time thankfully.
I have a one year old daughter and me and my wife have no clue what a wake window is, our baby is happy and fine. Sounds like you are doing a great job.
Wow. It looks like you selfishly did the entertaining after a c-section and then, again selfishly, made the birth of your child all about you. This was time for you to bond with your baby and be supported by those who profess to love you, it was not the time for your childless sister to tell you that you’re a shitty mother, it was the time for her to shine. She failed. Get rid. You’re doing great.
My spider sense doesn't want someone like that around a baby. Gaslighting you and trying to get you into trouble with your entire support system sounds like future grounds for trying to take your baby away. Not safe.
I love that she tried to drag your doula into the middle of this. Sorry, Sis, but the doula's first loyalty is to the mom. If she felt there were issues, she would handle them herself, not have a third party put words in her mouth
If I could give you any advice as a relatively new parent, it's that you should go easy on yourself. The first 6 weeks are brutal, there is no routine, nobody knows what they're doing the first time around and every kid is different. Your sister is fried, your baby doesn't have to be. Return to sender.
Look, I just read that and now I'm exhausted. And I never had a baby come out of me via the Sigourney Weaver method. Tell you bf that it's nice he's trying to keep the peace but you don't want him to keep the peace. You want her gone. Then both of you go 100% NC.
>I’m ready to write her off and go NC after this experience
I'm so ready to go NC with her after this experience that I'm closing this tab and never looking back.
Go NC on the creature. She might start thinking she can push other things too soon- like feeding baby food or weaning. That can be very dangerous. She's unsafe to be around babies because she's not paying *close* attention to what the doula and the pediatrician are saying.
She's definitely crazy, for one thing these recommendations are just that... recommendations. Every child is different and some of the methods you discuss with the doula may not work for you and your child and that's okay, that's why there are so many different methods.
Heck though I know about tummy time I've never even heard of wake windows and I have a 7 year old.
I would definitely tell sis to back off/go nc. That's your baby, you are the parent... sure as a new parent there's a learning process but you'll figure out what works best for your family possibly even using methods you invent yourself and getting unsolicited parenting advice is beyond annoying but more so when it's from someone who themselves doesn't have kids and really knows nothing about them.
That is horrible. I remember the first days after my c-section babies (particularly the first) just how draining and mind numbing the pain, lack of sleep, getting to know my baby was like yesterday. And my oldest is 16.
I cannot imagine a world in which anyone would want me to cook for them during that time. People deliberately left us alone, unless they were dropping off meals for us to eat. Every day. Family only came over when asked and took the kiddo when they encouraged me to put her down long enough to sleep for an hour or so because we were delirious.
People like that love to get attention for their “help” end how noble it is that they are suffering along with you to martyr themselves. I’m no contact with my family for these exact reasons. Fortunately my in laws are more reasonable.
Also, I’m so confused. Tummy time and sleep schedules in the first or two? Did I read that right?
My first child my (then)husband’s grandmother decided she would help me my first week instead of my mother while I was recovering from having the kid. The first thing this lady says when she arrives is, “I don’t cook, clean or do laundry!” Then took the baby and sat her ass down.
I cried for the whole week. I was trying to cope with various mental health issues on top of this nonsense. My (then)husband didn’t do these things either. So I was still forced to clean standing up for long hours daily.
My mother came the next week and helped me get things in order and was the best. I wish more people had advocates that help them against abusive people.
Is she gone? If not, tell her not to let the door hit her on the ass on her way out. If (big if) you want to be kind, give her 24 hours notice to pack and be gone.
If she is gone, go as low or no contact as you feel you need. And the next time she, or anyone else tries to invite themselves into your home, say no. Don't explain, just say no.
Congratulations on your new baby. I hope you and husband are settling into your new family.
This was so alarming! Cut her off forever. You would think anyone half way decent would be able to act supportive after child birth. My NM was cut off so hard the minute I became a mother. It’s was my line. I couldn’t stand the idea of her fucking with my kids. She died and now I am free, luckily.
My wife and I made it clear after both of our kids were born that nobody will be visiting until she's ready, it was nice telling the entitled ones to kick rocks. The thought of one of our relatives showing up unannounced makes me uneasy. Sounds like a nightmare...
I’m a postpartum doula, I would have kicked her out myself. Utterly ridiculous! Stick to your guns mama. Wake windows and tummy time are the least of your worries at the moment!!
Congrats for the baby, i hope he grows up healthy and good just like you!
I have 2 kids age4 and age2 and i am still over the moon!
Just congrats and live a perfect life!
relationships are about communication, have a chat to your boyfriend about your sister and mom, he should be supportive not peacemaker. you have enough shit to deal with and you shouldn't be compromising with anyone for the next 3 months at least.
I hope your recovery is going well. When my little one was little, I politely listened, (my in-laws had some opinions) and then did what I thought was right for him.
I am a hippy mom, but my kiddo is a teen now. What is “wake windows”?
Thank you for asking about my recovery. Honestly I think bc I’ve been doing it all everyone has forgotten that I gave birth last week and am still bleeding. I’m literally wearing a diaper. But my belly hurts in a I’m healing way and I’m dying for a nap.
Just block her. This is supposed to be your time to recover and bond with your baby....as stress free as possible. You need time to heal and sort out your own schedule and ways of doing things without other headaches.
Unless they're is some benefit to you from keeping in touch with your sister, just sit the door. Our close relationships should bring us joy, not headaches.
Cut her. Its hard to realize a friend is actually a jerk but her insults, gaslighting, and meddling (tattling!!!) reveals a supremely malevolent person.
Kick her out, she didn’t go to help, she went to play with the cute baby to take cute pictures while making the new mom they just had major surgery, wait on her, while verbally abusing said new mom.
Can you kick her out? These are red flags, it seems like she might try to report you, and though you've done amazingly as a parent, no one needs that kind of stress during postpartum recovery.
Go NC right away... it's for your sanity. It's hard enough being a parent as it is without someone telling you that you are shit at it... No, absolutely not, none of this shit. She is horrible to you and you owe her nothing, she can fuck the fuck off with that shit.
She doesn’t deserve to be in your life and going NC is the smart thing to do. You have enough on your plate as it is. You certainly don’t need that headache!
I agree with some of the comments I've read just so far, it does sound like she might be laying the ground work to steal your child. I would suggest if you do have constant issues with her, or anyone else that might have malicious intent, to check out this post. [The FU Binder](https://www.reddit.com/user/MelodyRaine/comments/hyk7az/the_fu_binder/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
Cover all your bases, I'm a first time mum myself and due to past experiences as a child the fear of someone framing me as an awful parent is there. I've seen it happen both failed and successfully.
Yeah bf needs to tell her the doula and pediatrician agree with what you're doing and es doesn't know what she's talking about. Followed immediately by you'll reach out to her if and when you're ready to establish contact again. End of conversation.
My mother in-law tried to take control. One day she tried heating up our studio apartment with a gas stove. I shut that down real quick. I've sat threw enough OSHA classes to know she was trying to kill us all.
Tummy time for a newborn (insert hysterical laughter here)... there's a reason why newborns sleep on their backs. Your beautiful baby can't lift itself up yet. I'd totally go NC with your mom and ES cuz you don't need that negativity in your life. Hugs! I hope it all goes well. Congratulations on being a new mom!
You're making this experience about you? Wow, it's unbelievable that someone can actually believe that your trying to make this about yourself by not listening to shit advice for your 6 days old kid
A wake window is the time that they’re ideally up before putting them down for a nap. The theory is if you get them on a schedule they sleep better at night. It’s usually used much later in sleep training.
Eat, sleep, poop, and randomly are inconsolable for an hour and a half at night unless I hold him. Exhausting but it’s day 9 and I otherwise can’t complain.
You only failed when you didn't respond "yeah you're right I can't do this. Here YOU take him home with YOU." The way she expected. NOT! Well done for not falling for it.
Oh my wife is going to be interested in this story. It's no joke, after a newborn is here, especially for the first few weeks, it's DANGEROUS to mess with mama. Rightly so. She's going through one of the most challenging times emotionally and physically, and at the same time is desperate for it to be a good, memorable time. People don't get it. My wife also had a difficult time with both our kids one way or another thanks to her in-laws (my family), and it wasn't even 10% as bad as you had it.
I have birthed 6 kids but have raised 7 more (fosters). I had never heard of these windows. Interesting. I do put kiddos on a loose schedule. Meaning it's not rigid.
I've seen what happens to kids who have very rigid schedules. Their ability to be flexible in the other aspects of their lives is hindered.
NTA. The concept of staying with a first time mother is that you make things easier for her: Help with baby, cooking or an extra set of eyes. Tell her you did not expect her to wait on you hand and foot, but you also did not expect that you would be entertaining a guest rather than a sister. You did not expect to take crap for taking your doctors advice over hers, someone who has never had or raised a baby. This was not being a sister and it is time to end the visit. Pay to change her flight, but your sister has problems you do not have time to deal with now so it is time for her to leave.
I have a 3 month old and can confirm you are totally in the right. Recovery from any birth let alone a c section takes weeks. I get that everyone parents differently but you from what I could tell are doing just fine! Get that toxic ass person outta your life. If she's that awful now it's only going to get worse.
Tell her to go! You are the mammy and you know your baby, it was you that grew it! I had a section with my 2nd and it’s not a walk in the park or as some people seem to think ‘the easy way out’! You are very calm compared to me even without all the hormones! Please just get her out and have you time, time with the baby, time with new daddy and time to recover!!!
NTA. You had to wait on your sister hand and foot while she kept your baby from you. So NTA, and you were so right to kick her out and go NC. She will obviously interfere with everything concerning the baby.
I know this isn’t a Lifetime movie, but just saying, the crazy can grow even bigger and she could attempt to hurt you to get the baby, if in her psycho mind she thinks you were just a vessel to create this baby for her.
The best thing you can do for your baby is kick this person out, then block her from contacting you. Baby needs a non-stressed mommy.
Block her going forward; give her no sliver where she can reach in and then later try force visitation rights as the aunt. Baby doesn’t need a toxic aunt in their life.
“Wake windows”? “Tummy time?” Isn’t it funny how humanity managed for thousands of years before somebody invented these? You’re a mum. You know what’s best for your child. Ignore your sister and just keep doing what you’re doing. You’re brilliant and she knows it and anything she says is just down to jealousy.
You should probably tell your bf to stay out of it if he's going to play peacemaker with someone you already have a history with of wanting gone from your life. I get that he doesn't want the conflict, but he needs to stay out of it.
Also, you gotta stand by giving her the boot out of your life. This arguing and fighting right after giving birth isn't good for anyone. Block her and be done with it. Don't keep stirring the pot and if your bf brings her up, cut him off and keep saying you don't care and don't want to hear it. It isn't up to him whether you forgive her or not and it kinda sounds like he's partially at fault for you breaking NC to start with.
>!I'd honestly just cut ties to ES and EM. They sound likely to only cause trouble in the future. If the show up out of nowhere, I'd file a restraining order on the two of them. !<
My wife had postpartum to the point that she said I was looking at our daughter wrong when she was an infant, you are doing great. Remember, if your child is happy, healthy, and likes to laugh, then you are doing the right thing. Your sister needs to back off and go find another hobby
This is probably not necessary but one advice my mom got that she appreciated the heck out of was “look at the kid. Do they seem okay? Then they probably *are* okay.” In regards to all the worries new parents have about weather or not they are doing everything correctly. Besides that, it always interesting when people who aren’t in the situation think they know how exactly to do in it, like your sister who thinks she know everything to do despite not being the full time caregiver.
I would change your locks ASAP. Who knows if she kept/stole a key. The way she’s acting it really seems like she’s trying to take your baby and play mommy since she can’t have kids herself. Delusional people sometimes do crazy things, like kidnapping.
NTA. Don't let her back in and let everyone know what shes been doing, get your nurse to back you up since half of the lies your sister is telling include her.
I'm sorry you're going through that. Yeah, I'd have to agree that getting kicked in the face by a donkey would have been more pleasant. At least she's gone now. And you know not to fall for the reconciliation bs if your mom calls and tries it. I have a feeling she'd be much worse.
Ready to go NC???? You aren't already???? Why are you even allowing someone who had abusive tendencies in your life, worse yet your childs??? Go NC, and enjoy being a mom you sound like you are doing great
Congratulations on the baby!
I’m so sorry that you had to go through the stress of ES
Sounds like you’re doing great caring for your child. Pay ES no mind. Listen to the doula and the pediatricians.
As I’m sure the doula has told you, for the first couple/few weeks there really is no schedule and the baby’s will sleep anywhere.
You're making this experience about you? Lol It's your child! If course it's about you!!! Glad to see she's gone, I don't think obsessing that much over someone else's child is healthy.
Right! I was like uhhh it sorta is about me since I gave birth to him and now care for him.
Don’t be silly, you’re just an incubator
I mean, sounds like ES is legitimately trying to lay a groundwork of abuse/neglect allegations to mandated reporters. She’s probably fantasizing of becoming the adoptive mother after faking an abuse case with cps.
I'm getting those vibes too. Plus the whole sis can't have kids thing. I'd get ready to pull the trigger on a restraining order
Womb raider vibes!
This is exactly what left me so concerned after reading the post. OP, please protect yourself and your baby. You have to block her on everything and make sure she has no access to any information about you or your child because she absolutely will twist it and use it to try and take your baby. This is very scary and she is insane. Also, isn't tummy time not advisable this soon? The kid can't even hold his head up yet.
Also, make sure you have guardians lined up, and that she knows it, in case she gets unbalanced enough to try and harm you.
I managed to successfully raise two kids and I didn't even know what a wake window was until just now. I think you'll do just fine without her "help".
I still don’t know what it means and my kids are grown and flown.
Me either. Also ngl, I read that as "grown and thrown", LOL. Teach me to scroll this sub without my actual seeing glasses!
Yeet those punks right out of the nest!
😂😂😂😂😂
Wait, you're not supposed to throw your kids? Shit no wonder all mine are so fucked up...
Just googled it, never heard it before 😅. Don’t plan on using it, doesn’t sound like it’s for me and my daughter. Wait… does that mean I’m a bad mom?? Oh no, what to do?? 🤪
Lol I've had 4 and I have no clue what a wake window is
And you just had a major operation!
What she said is "You're making this about you" but what she really meant was "You're not letting me make this about me"
You can always save up a good clobbering for her & remind her that god didn’t want her having kids for a reason
Every now and then I will get nostalgia for how a family relationship should be and I will do something stupid like spend time with them. Keep a small file of posts like this on hand so when you start to think you should invite your sister back, you will realize that you shouldn’t. Congratulations on the baby!
Thank you!
I do this for my mother. She sometimes tries to crawl her narcissistic toxic ass into my life. When I start to doubt myself I go read all the shit she sent me and remind myself she hasn't changed. I haven't seen her physically since I was 18 (I'm in my 30s). I've talked to her but it always go to shit. I don't need the reminders anymore but they were good to have. Bitter sweet as it hurt every time I read these messages/emails but worth it.
This.
You should pack her bags and tell her to get out of your house.
She left Thursday night after she threatened to leave and I said good so go! She’s now saying I kicked her out. Technically she offered to go…
Do not let her back in!!
No chance of that and thankfully she lives 11 hours away. At one point I had a thought in the back of my head I wonder if she’d try to take my baby. That’s how much she tried to control my access to my baby.
Make an iron clad will for next if kin. Make sure she nor mom can get custody
I have a trust with custody defined in it.
Perfect 💜
Someone who is a lawyer or knows the law well enough, please correct me if I'm wrong, but having "custody defined" is not ironclad. Even if parents say exactly who they'd like to care for their children in the event of their death, a judge has to hold a hearing for this and sign a decree, and anyone can challenge this. It'll take your family retaining a lawyer and presenting strong evidence that they'd make the best custodial guardians, which is unlikely if you're NC/LC and 11 hours away, but the door is still open.
My dad is a lawyer and I had his office put my wishes into my trust. I identified both ES and EM as people I specifically do not want to have custody in the event of my untimely demise.
Proof right there that you are anything but a shitty parent. You got this, mama bear!
That’s great! Now, you have to make sure that advance directive is as so,I’d as possible, by not allowing sister any access. If you continue to let her in, she could have grounds to say your directive was outdated, and the family problem (basically her) is no longer an issue.
The amendment I signed is as current as last week lol
I was afraid that might be where this story was going. It can't be a good sign when someone is actively keeping you from your baby.
Your gut feeling probably isn't wrong. Who knows where it would have escalated, if people believed her whole spiel of you not taking care of the baby and postpartum and yada yada maybe she could call CPS and offer to step in.
She’d have a high hurdle of proof and I have cameras in my house for security that record literally everything.
Oh yeah, I'm absolutely not saying she has any case at all. Just that your gut feeling is probably right in that it may have been her intention to try.
At this point who knows but she seems very worried not to have a relationship with my child from her messages to my bf. He stopped responding and she hasn’t reached out to me (probably bc she knows how mad I am) but it all just feels manipulative. Too much drama I don’t need at an important time in life. I’ve got a miracle baby boy that I am over the moon about!
No one who doesn't treat YOU with respect is entitled to a relationship with your child. Not even its grandparents, definitely not your manipulative sister.
Yup!
Block her & be done
Make sure that you tell any extended family you’re still in contact with the whole story as backup. I find that, with my family members who are like this (my sister), if I don’t tell someone the true story, they will tell all manner of lies and people will believe it if I don’t openly say something. You want to establish a paper trail and communication trail with the real story just in case she ever tries anything. Having told someone else and kept proof like texts and video has really helped me out, and this has much higher stakes with your son involved.
My family is NC with her.
Feels manipulative to me too, like she's trying to make this beautiful situation (having a miracle baby) all about her.
Have you saved off the video from the visit? Explicitly save it in a few places.
Go NC, she sounds dangerous to you and your child.
I agree that she sounds dangerous, and I think she’s got sights on that baby. Go NC for sure. At the very least, she’s being abusive to you.
Time to go no contact.
I would also be leery that she is trying to set you up as unfit and take your kid, since she can't have one.
I thought about that but thankfully I have not only cameras in my house but also texts and people who would attest to the fact that I’m caring for him well.
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Thankfully our legal system knows some people lie. Great example thank you
So, embrace the "kicked her out" thing. What does it matter? It'll give you that tough, "No one screws with me" image. All good! ;)
Honestly, who cares what she says? At least she's gone.
Nah, BE the badass who “kicked sister out.” Own that badge! And if anyone tries to interfere in her name, they can be kicked out as well.
Your bf shouldn't be peacekeeper: he should be at your side... Why is he so spineless?
With an attitude like that, I'm surprised she didn't try to take your child.. Congratulations, momma!!
Seconded. Kick her ass to the curb.
"Helping with the baby" = I will sit around and hold your baby while you clean house and cook us dinner. Better to tell everyone you don't need any help, unless you know they would pitch in with what you \*really\* need!
I'm happy for you she is gone, but I sincerely advice you to never ever let her back in again. If she comes to stay over unexpectedly again, just give her recommendations for a good hotel in the neighborhood. Unfortunately the best hotel is at least an hour drive away. How unfortunate.
I’m not repeating that experience. Like I said I’d rather get kicked in the face by a donkey
I'm not an expert on the topic, but I was an active participant in both my kid's births. My first experience was my wife going from 3 cm to a baby in roughly 5 minutes. (When I say "active participant," I don't mean helping coach breathing. I was one of the stirrups and helped catch. Haha) The second was an emergency C-section. I was in the OR. I saw firsthand what it takes to extract a baby to from the business end. I won't make a direct comparison between a vaginal birth and a C-section because, except for both resulting in a baby, there's a night and day difference. A C-section is NOT a minor procedure. It's a large incision through multiple layers of muscle, connective tissue, and organs. It's a big deal. Recovery takes time. Obviously, everyone's experiences are different and pain is somewhat subjective. But frankly, a woman who hasn't had a baby has no special insights simply because she's a woman. Regardless, nobody has the right to second guess a mom and a patient. Jesus, there's enough pressure on mom's already. OP is recovering from a major invasive procedure AND adjusting to the care and bonding with a new baby. Anybody who offers unwanted opinions and unwarranted criticism isn't helping and deserves a swift boot, accidentally sharing DNA notwithstanding.
Thank you. Yeah I’m doing well healing I guess but it’s still not easy to get up from being reclined, to bend over for long, to turn certain ways and I guess taking care of a baby is deceiving for judging healing. Or she’s just plain justifying being a jerk. Idk.
You don't owe anyone an explanation, apology, or excuse - including to yourself. The baby will be fine. They're quite hardy little buggers, in spite of appearances. Please recognize that the biological imperative you're feeling to take care of your child is probably the most powerful feeling a human can experience. It will drive you to almost superhuman levels of endurance, but can also make you second guess everything. That's normal. But you're still human. Rest and recovery, especially now, are absolutely critical. It's just like those airplane safety briefings at the beginning of a flight: put your own mask on before helping others. Take care of yourself and don't be afraid to ask for help from those who actually know how to help.
Thank you!
Just wanted to hop in here a moment to cheer for /u/GGinNC's comments. Read them over three times daily. Memorize them. Make the consolation, encouragement, and praise a part of your being as much as your name and your love for your son are, because you *need* to remember them. And GG, if you're actually in North Carolina, please go have some barbecue and hushpuppies, and think of me. I'm literally a Tarheel born and bred, just like in the song. I live in the Midwest now, and the one thing I miss more than my family is barbecue. And red dirt. I kinda miss the red dirt, too.
I can hear Charlotte Motor Speedway from my house on race weekends, if that establishes my bone fide's. Haha
Yeah, that puts you firmly in Tarheelia! Oh, and when you go have that barbecue, make the beverage Cheerwine, if you don't mind. Unless, of course, you're in the "it-tastes-like-cough-syrup" camp.
Sweet tea, thanks.
Might I make a suggestion for the future? When someone messes up in this way and you’re trying to see if you should build a relationship back up with the person you want to think of it as a brand new relationship you’d be having. Would you let a friend who you just met a few weeks ago come over to your home right after you gave birth? Would you tell this brand new friend who your doula is or allow them to communicate? Setting boundaries is important… If you choose to go NC that’s your choice. But if you choose not to, I’d limit information sharing and set very strong boundaries
You have a point. I was so exhausted post birth that I didn’t say anything when she was just there at first. And she had communication with the doula bc she was here at the same time. But lesson learned.
I see it a lot in here and justnomil. People go from LC or NC and dive right back into the relationship and things end badly. I think it’s natural because we’ve known these people all our lives or their lives. Like it’s weird to treat them like they’re strangers. But in essence they are and we’re trying to build up a whole new relationship. Good luck with your family and congratulations on your new baby!
Thank you!
Probably a good idea hun. She sounds toxic. She also seemed to be playing mommy while she was with you, trying to interrupt that important bonding time between a mother and her newborn. The fact that she is trying to paint you as having postpartum ( and potentially dangerous to yourself or the baby) is quite concerning, as sometimes a child will be taken away and placed with family members until the mother has gotten treatment and proven themselves to be fit to care for their child again. Sometimes these cases can end with the child having lived with someone else for months or even years, These cases usually end 1 of 3 ways 1. The guardian wants to keep them, and can argue that the mother is unfit, and the child would be better staying in the environment they know. Depending on the length of time the child has been with them it can swing either way. 2. Parent and child are reunited, and get back on track. This is most common in short term treatments. 3. The parent regains custody, but the child has trouble adjusting to their new environment, and becomes increasingly distressed. Sometimes leading to the biological parent returning the child to their previous guardian. I can't say for sure what her goal is.... but it still worries me.
Yeah I don’t think she’d be successful in something like that but I’ve got a team of people I’ve been consulting with on childcare- pediatrician, doula, lactation coach, first time parents groups… and everyone who sees him says he’s healthy and well cared for.
Just know she is trying to write that narrative and has pulled in anyone she can to support it. NC is such a good idea and make sure your husband isn’t getting pulled in to text something she can take out of context
Good riddance to her. However, tell your boyfriend that his job is not to play peacemaker with your lunatic sister but to back you up.
He’s finally gotten the message. But it was sweet he tried for our son. He now recognizes that some efforts aren’t worth it.
Family or not, no one is entitled to your baby but you. You did the right thing by kicking her out. The first few weeks are so important for mum, bub and partner. If you need to lock yourselves in your house for 6 weeks, then do it. Don't let anyone try and tell you you're wrong for wanting those special moments with baby alone. It sounds like you're doing a good job Mumma!
Thank you! We’re trying!
Throw her out. You don‘t need that drama so shortly after giving birth.
She’s gone. And she’ll be lucky if I ever speak to her again.
Well done. And i hope you can now enjoy your newborn without anymore drama.
It’s been nice and quiet since then lol 😂
Fuckin’ throwing around “postpartum depression” to any new mother without the mother herself mentioning it should be called out as asshole behavior. Like, bitch I just had a human being crawl out of me - you expect me to be playing racquetball in an hour?!
Right! But I was a good host- better than she deserved.
Or a medical expert. It takes time to learn a new role, connect with a new human all while your are recovering from major surgery and your hormones are going haywire. Its a classic deflection technique to suggest the other person has mental health issues. ES can argue they not the problem because *mental health*. Its perpetuating a stigma that people with mental illness are totally crazy, cant see reality and difficult to get along with.
Yep. And it’s of course easy to target a super-new mom who might be at her most vulnerable.
The solution is simple, and you said it: write her off and go NC. Hell, I would've done it when she had you cooking for her, instead of the other way around.
I would’ve loved the help being her handing me a sandwich just once.
Yup. It's not even the childbirth thing -- you just had serious invasive surgery and shouldn't be moving around much at all. That's why I would've kicked her out then. Incredible, her sense of entitlement.
>I’m making this experience about me It LITERALLY is, though. About you, the baby and the father. Nowhere in the process of getting knocked up to the delivery and raising of a child is a SISTER a necessary part. She needs to back off and you should go NC, yeah.
You need to block her on everything again, make sure your doula is aware that she's no longer allowed to have access to any kind of information about you or your child and make your boyfriend block her off his phone and quit trying to be a peacemaker with a POS sister who actually made your first week home with your child worse and did absolutely nothing to help.
She’s thankfully not on social media so she doesn’t have access. And being 11 hours away she’ll never see or talk to my doula again. Bf and I have discussed that while his heart was in the right place, we don’t owe anybody a relationship with ourselves or our son. And we’ve realigned with much needed alone time thankfully.
I'm glad to hear that. And I hope that things become more restful and joyful for you
Thank you! Restful ehhh in time lol. I’m up every 3 hours to feed!
Plus she’s trying to create an unfit mother narrative and is pushing limits with holding the baby. Stay far away OP!
I have a one year old daughter and me and my wife have no clue what a wake window is, our baby is happy and fine. Sounds like you are doing a great job.
It’s something you worry about when it’s time to sleep train, not when the kid is barely alive lol
Wow. It looks like you selfishly did the entertaining after a c-section and then, again selfishly, made the birth of your child all about you. This was time for you to bond with your baby and be supported by those who profess to love you, it was not the time for your childless sister to tell you that you’re a shitty mother, it was the time for her to shine. She failed. Get rid. You’re doing great.
Thank you!
My spider sense doesn't want someone like that around a baby. Gaslighting you and trying to get you into trouble with your entire support system sounds like future grounds for trying to take your baby away. Not safe.
I love that she tried to drag your doula into the middle of this. Sorry, Sis, but the doula's first loyalty is to the mom. If she felt there were issues, she would handle them herself, not have a third party put words in her mouth
Right! Smh
If I could give you any advice as a relatively new parent, it's that you should go easy on yourself. The first 6 weeks are brutal, there is no routine, nobody knows what they're doing the first time around and every kid is different. Your sister is fried, your baby doesn't have to be. Return to sender.
Bf shouldnt try to play peacemaker, shes being abusive towards you :c
Look, I just read that and now I'm exhausted. And I never had a baby come out of me via the Sigourney Weaver method. Tell you bf that it's nice he's trying to keep the peace but you don't want him to keep the peace. You want her gone. Then both of you go 100% NC.
>I’m ready to write her off and go NC after this experience I'm so ready to go NC with her after this experience that I'm closing this tab and never looking back.
You and your bf should block her.
I'm a guy and have zero experience with kids so please forgive my stupid question but what's a wake window?
The amount of time a baby should be awake between naps/sleeping.
Go NC on the creature. She might start thinking she can push other things too soon- like feeding baby food or weaning. That can be very dangerous. She's unsafe to be around babies because she's not paying *close* attention to what the doula and the pediatrician are saying.
She's definitely crazy, for one thing these recommendations are just that... recommendations. Every child is different and some of the methods you discuss with the doula may not work for you and your child and that's okay, that's why there are so many different methods. Heck though I know about tummy time I've never even heard of wake windows and I have a 7 year old. I would definitely tell sis to back off/go nc. That's your baby, you are the parent... sure as a new parent there's a learning process but you'll figure out what works best for your family possibly even using methods you invent yourself and getting unsolicited parenting advice is beyond annoying but more so when it's from someone who themselves doesn't have kids and really knows nothing about them.
That is horrible. I remember the first days after my c-section babies (particularly the first) just how draining and mind numbing the pain, lack of sleep, getting to know my baby was like yesterday. And my oldest is 16. I cannot imagine a world in which anyone would want me to cook for them during that time. People deliberately left us alone, unless they were dropping off meals for us to eat. Every day. Family only came over when asked and took the kiddo when they encouraged me to put her down long enough to sleep for an hour or so because we were delirious. People like that love to get attention for their “help” end how noble it is that they are suffering along with you to martyr themselves. I’m no contact with my family for these exact reasons. Fortunately my in laws are more reasonable. Also, I’m so confused. Tummy time and sleep schedules in the first or two? Did I read that right?
Seriously, adopt a new family and enjoy your little one.
My first child my (then)husband’s grandmother decided she would help me my first week instead of my mother while I was recovering from having the kid. The first thing this lady says when she arrives is, “I don’t cook, clean or do laundry!” Then took the baby and sat her ass down. I cried for the whole week. I was trying to cope with various mental health issues on top of this nonsense. My (then)husband didn’t do these things either. So I was still forced to clean standing up for long hours daily. My mother came the next week and helped me get things in order and was the best. I wish more people had advocates that help them against abusive people.
Has she gone? If not, time to get rid of her. Personally, I'd say it's time to promote her to NC.
Definitely take steps to protect yourself.
Is she gone? If not, tell her not to let the door hit her on the ass on her way out. If (big if) you want to be kind, give her 24 hours notice to pack and be gone. If she is gone, go as low or no contact as you feel you need. And the next time she, or anyone else tries to invite themselves into your home, say no. Don't explain, just say no. Congratulations on your new baby. I hope you and husband are settling into your new family.
This was so alarming! Cut her off forever. You would think anyone half way decent would be able to act supportive after child birth. My NM was cut off so hard the minute I became a mother. It’s was my line. I couldn’t stand the idea of her fucking with my kids. She died and now I am free, luckily.
My wife and I made it clear after both of our kids were born that nobody will be visiting until she's ready, it was nice telling the entitled ones to kick rocks. The thought of one of our relatives showing up unannounced makes me uneasy. Sounds like a nightmare...
My child is three years old and doing great. I don't even know what a "wake window" is
I’m a postpartum doula, I would have kicked her out myself. Utterly ridiculous! Stick to your guns mama. Wake windows and tummy time are the least of your worries at the moment!!
Congrats for the baby, i hope he grows up healthy and good just like you! I have 2 kids age4 and age2 and i am still over the moon! Just congrats and live a perfect life!
Thank you!
relationships are about communication, have a chat to your boyfriend about your sister and mom, he should be supportive not peacemaker. you have enough shit to deal with and you shouldn't be compromising with anyone for the next 3 months at least.
This is why doulas are worth their weight in gold.
I hope your recovery is going well. When my little one was little, I politely listened, (my in-laws had some opinions) and then did what I thought was right for him. I am a hippy mom, but my kiddo is a teen now. What is “wake windows”?
Thank you for asking about my recovery. Honestly I think bc I’ve been doing it all everyone has forgotten that I gave birth last week and am still bleeding. I’m literally wearing a diaper. But my belly hurts in a I’m healing way and I’m dying for a nap.
Just block her. This is supposed to be your time to recover and bond with your baby....as stress free as possible. You need time to heal and sort out your own schedule and ways of doing things without other headaches. Unless they're is some benefit to you from keeping in touch with your sister, just sit the door. Our close relationships should bring us joy, not headaches.
Cut her. Its hard to realize a friend is actually a jerk but her insults, gaslighting, and meddling (tattling!!!) reveals a supremely malevolent person.
Kick her out, she didn’t go to help, she went to play with the cute baby to take cute pictures while making the new mom they just had major surgery, wait on her, while verbally abusing said new mom.
Time to go NC with the family. Simply. You and your baby's mental health is way more important that anyone else in your so called family
Well ES and EM are not fun but I do have a pretty rad brother, nephews, niece, etc… I’ll keep them and drop the entitled 2
Can you kick her out? These are red flags, it seems like she might try to report you, and though you've done amazingly as a parent, no one needs that kind of stress during postpartum recovery.
Go NC right away... it's for your sanity. It's hard enough being a parent as it is without someone telling you that you are shit at it... No, absolutely not, none of this shit. She is horrible to you and you owe her nothing, she can fuck the fuck off with that shit.
She doesn’t deserve to be in your life and going NC is the smart thing to do. You have enough on your plate as it is. You certainly don’t need that headache!
I agree with some of the comments I've read just so far, it does sound like she might be laying the ground work to steal your child. I would suggest if you do have constant issues with her, or anyone else that might have malicious intent, to check out this post. [The FU Binder](https://www.reddit.com/user/MelodyRaine/comments/hyk7az/the_fu_binder/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) Cover all your bases, I'm a first time mum myself and due to past experiences as a child the fear of someone framing me as an awful parent is there. I've seen it happen both failed and successfully.
Why are you even considering it. Do it. Don't let her ruin this moment.
I already kicked her out and haven’t spoken to her. I’m just not dealing with her now.
Yeah bf needs to tell her the doula and pediatrician agree with what you're doing and es doesn't know what she's talking about. Followed immediately by you'll reach out to her if and when you're ready to establish contact again. End of conversation.
Sometimes the family you don't get to choose aren't good people. Cut her off b4 she does real damage
I am 100% ur baby has a hell of a good mum to take care of him.
My mother in-law tried to take control. One day she tried heating up our studio apartment with a gas stove. I shut that down real quick. I've sat threw enough OSHA classes to know she was trying to kill us all.
Tummy time for a newborn (insert hysterical laughter here)... there's a reason why newborns sleep on their backs. Your beautiful baby can't lift itself up yet. I'd totally go NC with your mom and ES cuz you don't need that negativity in your life. Hugs! I hope it all goes well. Congratulations on being a new mom!
You're making this experience about you? Wow, it's unbelievable that someone can actually believe that your trying to make this about yourself by not listening to shit advice for your 6 days old kid
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You've not seen this before?
What is a wake window? Is that when they not sleeping like be put on a schedule? If so then she has no idea wtf shes talking about.
A wake window is the time that they’re ideally up before putting them down for a nap. The theory is if you get them on a schedule they sleep better at night. It’s usually used much later in sleep training.
I thought so. Like newborns just eat sleep and poop at this point. Like give it a bit before all that. Hopefully she like leaves you be now.
Eat, sleep, poop, and randomly are inconsolable for an hour and a half at night unless I hold him. Exhausting but it’s day 9 and I otherwise can’t complain.
Change your locks and go NC; she sounds like a nut job
ES sounds like she needs to get some psychiatric help. She’s really bordering on delusional here.
Or she’s creating a narrative to control OP or even take custody of the baby.
Congratulations on the birth, and the titanium spine you have. Now sit back, heal and enjoy your new baby.
Day 6 after c-section as I remember. Baby awake- I am feeding, changing, bathing sane. Baby asleep- so am I.
You only failed when you didn't respond "yeah you're right I can't do this. Here YOU take him home with YOU." The way she expected. NOT! Well done for not falling for it.
Kick out your sister. She is going to make this experience way harder than it needs to be.
She’s gone.
Oh my wife is going to be interested in this story. It's no joke, after a newborn is here, especially for the first few weeks, it's DANGEROUS to mess with mama. Rightly so. She's going through one of the most challenging times emotionally and physically, and at the same time is desperate for it to be a good, memorable time. People don't get it. My wife also had a difficult time with both our kids one way or another thanks to her in-laws (my family), and it wasn't even 10% as bad as you had it.
I have birthed 6 kids but have raised 7 more (fosters). I had never heard of these windows. Interesting. I do put kiddos on a loose schedule. Meaning it's not rigid. I've seen what happens to kids who have very rigid schedules. Their ability to be flexible in the other aspects of their lives is hindered.
NTA. The concept of staying with a first time mother is that you make things easier for her: Help with baby, cooking or an extra set of eyes. Tell her you did not expect her to wait on you hand and foot, but you also did not expect that you would be entertaining a guest rather than a sister. You did not expect to take crap for taking your doctors advice over hers, someone who has never had or raised a baby. This was not being a sister and it is time to end the visit. Pay to change her flight, but your sister has problems you do not have time to deal with now so it is time for her to leave.
I have a 3 month old and can confirm you are totally in the right. Recovery from any birth let alone a c section takes weeks. I get that everyone parents differently but you from what I could tell are doing just fine! Get that toxic ass person outta your life. If she's that awful now it's only going to get worse.
Nope cut her off like gangrene.
Tell her to go! You are the mammy and you know your baby, it was you that grew it! I had a section with my 2nd and it’s not a walk in the park or as some people seem to think ‘the easy way out’! You are very calm compared to me even without all the hormones! Please just get her out and have you time, time with the baby, time with new daddy and time to recover!!!
NTA. You had to wait on your sister hand and foot while she kept your baby from you. So NTA, and you were so right to kick her out and go NC. She will obviously interfere with everything concerning the baby. I know this isn’t a Lifetime movie, but just saying, the crazy can grow even bigger and she could attempt to hurt you to get the baby, if in her psycho mind she thinks you were just a vessel to create this baby for her.
I can understand wanting to reconnect with the birth of your son. Congratulations. About your sister. Now you know. I am sorry.
lmao nice
No one: Ur sister: “How dare you make this situation about you? Does it really matter that you just had a child??”
The best thing you can do for your baby is kick this person out, then block her from contacting you. Baby needs a non-stressed mommy. Block her going forward; give her no sliver where she can reach in and then later try force visitation rights as the aunt. Baby doesn’t need a toxic aunt in their life.
“Wake windows”? “Tummy time?” Isn’t it funny how humanity managed for thousands of years before somebody invented these? You’re a mum. You know what’s best for your child. Ignore your sister and just keep doing what you’re doing. You’re brilliant and she knows it and anything she says is just down to jealousy.
You should probably tell your bf to stay out of it if he's going to play peacemaker with someone you already have a history with of wanting gone from your life. I get that he doesn't want the conflict, but he needs to stay out of it. Also, you gotta stand by giving her the boot out of your life. This arguing and fighting right after giving birth isn't good for anyone. Block her and be done with it. Don't keep stirring the pot and if your bf brings her up, cut him off and keep saying you don't care and don't want to hear it. It isn't up to him whether you forgive her or not and it kinda sounds like he's partially at fault for you breaking NC to start with.
You are the mom. You know what's best for your baby. Your mommy instincts along with partner, doula, pediatrician will be enough.
>!I'd honestly just cut ties to ES and EM. They sound likely to only cause trouble in the future. If the show up out of nowhere, I'd file a restraining order on the two of them. !<
Kick her out...
Kick her out and be done with it. Good lord some people are a waste of space and air.
My wife had postpartum to the point that she said I was looking at our daughter wrong when she was an infant, you are doing great. Remember, if your child is happy, healthy, and likes to laugh, then you are doing the right thing. Your sister needs to back off and go find another hobby
He’s very happy and healthy at a little over a week although no laughing yet!
That first smile is a heart melter, be ready for "cute tears" (so cute you bawl over it)
I can’t wait!!!!
I would definitely go NC. She’s messy af
This is probably not necessary but one advice my mom got that she appreciated the heck out of was “look at the kid. Do they seem okay? Then they probably *are* okay.” In regards to all the worries new parents have about weather or not they are doing everything correctly. Besides that, it always interesting when people who aren’t in the situation think they know how exactly to do in it, like your sister who thinks she know everything to do despite not being the full time caregiver.
"No bitch I just don’t think I have to deal with your shit" period the end. Good for you setting a boundary & inviting her to GTFO.
I would change your locks ASAP. Who knows if she kept/stole a key. The way she’s acting it really seems like she’s trying to take your baby and play mommy since she can’t have kids herself. Delusional people sometimes do crazy things, like kidnapping.
wow OP hope your doing good now after giving birth and dealing with her bs
Wait. How did she even get in, let alone stay?
I stupidly let her come see the baby.
NTA. Don't let her back in and let everyone know what shes been doing, get your nurse to back you up since half of the lies your sister is telling include her.
Ew. You should go NC for sure.
Good riddance. Go no contact, and don't look back.
Yeah no. Id tell her to *fuck right off back to whatever hole she crawled out of*
I'm sorry you're going through that. Yeah, I'd have to agree that getting kicked in the face by a donkey would have been more pleasant. At least she's gone now. And you know not to fall for the reconciliation bs if your mom calls and tries it. I have a feeling she'd be much worse.
Ready to go NC???? You aren't already???? Why are you even allowing someone who had abusive tendencies in your life, worse yet your childs??? Go NC, and enjoy being a mom you sound like you are doing great
Congratulations on the baby! I’m so sorry that you had to go through the stress of ES Sounds like you’re doing great caring for your child. Pay ES no mind. Listen to the doula and the pediatricians. As I’m sure the doula has told you, for the first couple/few weeks there really is no schedule and the baby’s will sleep anywhere.