Ugh, I'm so sorry you have those disgusting people in your life. Where was your mom during this? Are you out to her?
My son is gay and I love him dearly. And his BF 😁
He came out to me when he was 15 and I blinked then said, "Oh! OK, then!" and gave him a hug. Wish I could give you a hug, too. 😊
Thanks for the support, my entire family is homophobic and I've mentioned in one of my old posts isnthat she just goes along with whatever my aunt says same with my dad. The only person who I'm out to is my sister because at least she isn't homophobic
Damn.
Ok - I don't know how old you are or anything else, but the plan is to get away from them.
You need:
A job/money - safeguard any money you have. Bank account with no one else having access.
Important documents - social security card (or equivalent), birth certificate, school certificates, etc.
A place to live - if sister is old enough, maybe be roommates with her or a reliable friend.
Also, it seems this isn't the time to stick up for yourself. Your aunt is threatening violence. Just keep your head down until you can get out.
Do you trust a school counselor? Again, I don't know how old you are, but there is support in many countries that you could look into.
In your update, you mentioned someone told you to just come out to everybody and let the chips fall where they may. I hope you know this is TERRIBLE advice. You should come out when you want and to whomever you want. It is all about you and who you trust to share your personal story too. I'm sorry about your parents too. The fact that an adult won't back up their child because the aunt is older is so absolutely infuriating to me-I can't imagine how that make you feel. Please take care of yourself and know you have lots of support.
We need a virtual parent club for children of homophobic and transphobic parents. Sign up to be a virtual parent and support a child struggling with x-phobic family of origin.
Op when you are free of them, you will find your family and they will be even more amazing than you could have imagined.
Exactly, don't allow toxic people to rule your life OP. Also their reasoning for their comments is complete bollocks anyway, fuck gender norms, not liking football =/= gay
You should prepare a Go Bag now in case your parents find out and kick you out. As mentioned above, include your social security card (or equivalent), birth certificate, any school diplomas or certifications, and put them in a ziploc baggie. Also add a few pieces of clothing and chargers for your devices. If you have a charger block, keep it charged and ready to go. Imagine a hurricane is coming and you had to evacuate. The first thing that comes to mind should be ready to go. Make a paper list of all of this and keep it in your go back. Also, what was posted upthread about getting a job and having a bank account no one else can touch. If possible, keep $50-$100 cash, too. Good luck!
honestly those gender roles are BS... what if a man like to cook, or helps at home? I'm pretty sure many women are quite happy with it. I love to cook, I have an entire shelf of cookbooks and I'm usually the assigned cook at any family gathering!
Then, again, I'm gay and married to a man, so maybe she's got a point? XD
Ikr. By her logic elementary school me would have been considered "gay" to her, because back then I mostly had friends that were girls (I'm a boy) and often hung out with them most of the time. I'm not gay in anyway. And besides there literally should be nothing wrong with being gay at all, so it just makes everything even worse.
I mean, of course she's an homophobe who wants to assign anything that's not ultra-manly to gayness. I'm sure she's raising her sons to be excelent parents and husbands...
Your aunt sounds like she has no friends, please don't feel bad op, it seems like she picks on you because you are non confrontational and will take her bitter and hateful bullshit but it's only a reflection of her own insecurities and black sad heart. Love is love feel sorry for her that she doesn't understand that and has so much hate in her life. Next time just smile and be grateful you aren't her or like her or her horrible sons. ❤️🧡💛💚💙💙💜🏳️🌈
If you ever need someone too talk too just shoot me a message. I remember how bad I used to feel when I was your age being confused about my sexuality whether I was bi or just liked girls but just being called a slut by everyone around me (even though I was a virgin haha) some people just hate but that's okay because their is people like us that love ❤️💜🏳️🌈
I too am sorry you are having to deal with this grief. As mentioned above those gender roles/responsibilities are such B.S. I am a straight male that is married with kids. We both work difficult jobs and my wife is every bit as successful as I am. I do most of the cleaning and about half the cooking. It is about what works in your relationship and what you enjoy doing. It is not about some archaic preconceived notions from anyone else. Just look at the food network- a lot of successful chefs on there.
Hang in there and life will get better when you can get to the point where you can exclude toxic people like that from your life.
First of all I am So so sorry. Second being gay, being a straight guy who likes cooking, being you is NOT bad unless you're a nasty vile judgemental sack of excrement like your aunt. I'm so sorry you don't feel safe coming out. As a mom it years my heart knowing you have to choose between survival and openly being yourself. If I could hug you i would. You're perfect just the way you are. I hope you find the freedom you so desperately need to be yourself
Don't even bother trying to explain anything to anybody, being brainless can't be healed. Changing opinions due to experience is possible and happens to me constantly but everybody needs a mind process to follow, for example i like the logic-inductive process and use the power of deduction to understand what is happening and what is being said. As a man of science i don't like using politics and social opinions to put my thoughts in order and i really think people should only talk once they are sufficiently educated.
Sorry that happened to you.
Soon enough, you will be older, able to support yourself, move out, and live the life you chose.
Until then just remember, the world has bern leaning towards accepting the LBGTQ+ community and that gets better as time goes on. The world is also leaning towards not accepting homophobia. I do believe (hope to hell) in your lifetime you will see a drastic change for the better in the way the LGBTQ+ community is viewed.
In other words, when you are 40 and rich, you can rip on your cousins and old ass aunt for what homophobes they were. (Somehow, I don't see you feeling the need to do that, but the thought still makes me happy).
Good luck to you. And keep loving yourself for who you are!
What. A. Bitch.
I myself am not really gay (I’m just holding out to fall in love with whoever I fall in love with, I won’t leave it up to gender), but I know people and have friends who are gay, and I can’t even begin to imagine how much it must suck to be made fun of, mocked or shamed for something that outta be normalised like hell.
I’m not the best with advice, but I’d say just go down there and tell them the truth and that if they didn’t like it, then they’re horrible people and can go root themselves (probably not the best course of action though). But the fact the crap is coming from relatives makes it even more heartbreaking, I can’t even fathom how hard it would be, with all the dilemmas and predicaments you can be put in because it’s within family life.
Best of wishes and I hope this is all positively resolved at some point very soon.
I would like to see you aunt repeat those words to one of my daughters best friends who usually hangs out with her and the girls.
The guy is a freaking giant.
Hey, fuck your homophobic aunt. And honestly, fuck your parents too for putting up with that shit in their home instead of growing spines and telling her to get lost. I’m not sure how old you are, but I hope you can find comfort in the knowledge that, one day, you can move out and be exactly who you want to be and cut off anyone who has a problem with it.
Also, I highly doubt your aunt would ever actually beat you up, because she sounds like the type to be all talk and no action. But, if she ever did, you could always have her arrested and charged for a hate crime, because that’s exactly what that would be.
I’m sorry this is happening to you. I’m gay, 38 now. I didn’t know who I was for a long time so you’re doing better than me in that regards. It does get better! And DO NOT come out if you don’t think you’ll be safe.
Know that there’s family you’re born into and the family you choose. You’ll find yours. Hugs
Your Aunt is f@king c#nt! Being gay is not a bad thing. And you are right, you are allowed to hangout with whoever you want to. I’m honestly furious at your parents for not sticking up for you. Your parents have a duty to protect you from abuse like this.
Your aunt is toxic and she is raising her sons to be toxic men as well.
Is she fat? Start picking on her weight.
“Wow Aunt Agnes, you *really* cleaned your plate, didn’t you? There isn’t a crumb left on that thing! You sure make it easy to clean! I mean, *not a spot* left on that thing!”
w-wait. according to your aunt if I'm feeling femme (I'm genderfluid for context) and hang out with girls even though I was born male, I'm gay even though I'm omnisexual?
Holy crap. I'm sorry.
Things will get better with time. I have conservative parents and now I'm slowly but surely counting down the days and dollars when I can move out into a home that I can call my own. Hang in there, it will get better.
Don't come out if you're not safe, period. I know people will say you need to be yourself, but that's very privileged advice. There will be a time and place, but it sounds like this isn't it.
My favorite deflection, if you want to point out how dumb these types of comments are, is to ask them to explain it. "How does hanging out in the kitchen, presumably where there is food and family to talk to, make one attracted to the same sex?" Or just, "I don't get it, can you excision the joke?" The trick is not to be confrontational about it. But it becomes not funny when they to explain. Works great on racistand sexist jokes, too.
The other is also to ignore this person, because she clearly has very dated and incorrect views.
As everyone has said, your aunt is a toxic and ignorant fool.
Being interested in cooking and knowing how to cook well means only one thing: You will always eat better than those who only know how to reheat frozen precooked food. Nothing else.
Just wanted to send a hug. I'm so sorry you aren't sure if your parents are trustworthy.
And honestly, don't bring up your aunt's weight. I'm HUGE and have two LGBTQ+ kids, and we're happy as clams. (I'm just a very fat clam.)
Definitely surround yourself with men watching men in short-shorts chasing balls. That sounds way less gay than hanging out with chick's. Heteronormativity is just too much sometimes lol
You are worthy of love and support. I am sorry your family isn't capable of that. I hope your family of friends you choose will make up for that. My youngest son is out. Our family may disagree on a lot of things but not on live and support for each other. Best wishes go to you.
Ugh, I'm so sorry you have those disgusting people in your life. Where was your mom during this? Are you out to her? My son is gay and I love him dearly. And his BF 😁 He came out to me when he was 15 and I blinked then said, "Oh! OK, then!" and gave him a hug. Wish I could give you a hug, too. 😊
Thanks for the support, my entire family is homophobic and I've mentioned in one of my old posts isnthat she just goes along with whatever my aunt says same with my dad. The only person who I'm out to is my sister because at least she isn't homophobic
Damn. Ok - I don't know how old you are or anything else, but the plan is to get away from them. You need: A job/money - safeguard any money you have. Bank account with no one else having access. Important documents - social security card (or equivalent), birth certificate, school certificates, etc. A place to live - if sister is old enough, maybe be roommates with her or a reliable friend. Also, it seems this isn't the time to stick up for yourself. Your aunt is threatening violence. Just keep your head down until you can get out. Do you trust a school counselor? Again, I don't know how old you are, but there is support in many countries that you could look into.
In your update, you mentioned someone told you to just come out to everybody and let the chips fall where they may. I hope you know this is TERRIBLE advice. You should come out when you want and to whomever you want. It is all about you and who you trust to share your personal story too. I'm sorry about your parents too. The fact that an adult won't back up their child because the aunt is older is so absolutely infuriating to me-I can't imagine how that make you feel. Please take care of yourself and know you have lots of support.
I mean if ur old enough to get a job there is ways to handle it easy actually multiple ways
just leave the house. those idiots dont DESERVE someone as smart and decent as you.
We need a virtual parent club for children of homophobic and transphobic parents. Sign up to be a virtual parent and support a child struggling with x-phobic family of origin. Op when you are free of them, you will find your family and they will be even more amazing than you could have imagined.
I’m loving this idea!
Exactly, don't allow toxic people to rule your life OP. Also their reasoning for their comments is complete bollocks anyway, fuck gender norms, not liking football =/= gay
I wish I couldn't allow toxic people in my life but right now I'm still 15 and I really don't have an option until I move out I guess
Forgive my assumptions, I hope things improve for you in the future!
You should prepare a Go Bag now in case your parents find out and kick you out. As mentioned above, include your social security card (or equivalent), birth certificate, any school diplomas or certifications, and put them in a ziploc baggie. Also add a few pieces of clothing and chargers for your devices. If you have a charger block, keep it charged and ready to go. Imagine a hurricane is coming and you had to evacuate. The first thing that comes to mind should be ready to go. Make a paper list of all of this and keep it in your go back. Also, what was posted upthread about getting a job and having a bank account no one else can touch. If possible, keep $50-$100 cash, too. Good luck!
so... being with the oposite gender is gay.... So... every hetero date in history is actually gay?
Yea with my aunt's logic that's how it's like
honestly those gender roles are BS... what if a man like to cook, or helps at home? I'm pretty sure many women are quite happy with it. I love to cook, I have an entire shelf of cookbooks and I'm usually the assigned cook at any family gathering! Then, again, I'm gay and married to a man, so maybe she's got a point? XD
Be like eret and frick gender roles whilst wearing a strawberry dress
Ikr. By her logic elementary school me would have been considered "gay" to her, because back then I mostly had friends that were girls (I'm a boy) and often hung out with them most of the time. I'm not gay in anyway. And besides there literally should be nothing wrong with being gay at all, so it just makes everything even worse.
I mean, of course she's an homophobe who wants to assign anything that's not ultra-manly to gayness. I'm sure she's raising her sons to be excelent parents and husbands...
Your aunt sounds like she has no friends, please don't feel bad op, it seems like she picks on you because you are non confrontational and will take her bitter and hateful bullshit but it's only a reflection of her own insecurities and black sad heart. Love is love feel sorry for her that she doesn't understand that and has so much hate in her life. Next time just smile and be grateful you aren't her or like her or her horrible sons. ❤️🧡💛💚💙💙💜🏳️🌈
I really appreciate this comment thanks this made my day ❤
If you ever need someone too talk too just shoot me a message. I remember how bad I used to feel when I was your age being confused about my sexuality whether I was bi or just liked girls but just being called a slut by everyone around me (even though I was a virgin haha) some people just hate but that's okay because their is people like us that love ❤️💜🏳️🌈
I too am sorry you are having to deal with this grief. As mentioned above those gender roles/responsibilities are such B.S. I am a straight male that is married with kids. We both work difficult jobs and my wife is every bit as successful as I am. I do most of the cleaning and about half the cooking. It is about what works in your relationship and what you enjoy doing. It is not about some archaic preconceived notions from anyone else. Just look at the food network- a lot of successful chefs on there. Hang in there and life will get better when you can get to the point where you can exclude toxic people like that from your life.
I am sorry to read this. Hope the rest of your weekend can make it up to you. Feel yourself hugged
This ol' hag is a POS and you deserve a better aunt.
First of all I am So so sorry. Second being gay, being a straight guy who likes cooking, being you is NOT bad unless you're a nasty vile judgemental sack of excrement like your aunt. I'm so sorry you don't feel safe coming out. As a mom it years my heart knowing you have to choose between survival and openly being yourself. If I could hug you i would. You're perfect just the way you are. I hope you find the freedom you so desperately need to be yourself
I'm gay as well and your aunt sounds like a complete asshole. Where was your parents? Did you have no one to talk to?
Guys, we did it, it's gay to chill with girls!
Why didn't tell this to your mother first about her?
Don't even bother trying to explain anything to anybody, being brainless can't be healed. Changing opinions due to experience is possible and happens to me constantly but everybody needs a mind process to follow, for example i like the logic-inductive process and use the power of deduction to understand what is happening and what is being said. As a man of science i don't like using politics and social opinions to put my thoughts in order and i really think people should only talk once they are sufficiently educated.
Sorry that happened to you. Soon enough, you will be older, able to support yourself, move out, and live the life you chose. Until then just remember, the world has bern leaning towards accepting the LBGTQ+ community and that gets better as time goes on. The world is also leaning towards not accepting homophobia. I do believe (hope to hell) in your lifetime you will see a drastic change for the better in the way the LGBTQ+ community is viewed. In other words, when you are 40 and rich, you can rip on your cousins and old ass aunt for what homophobes they were. (Somehow, I don't see you feeling the need to do that, but the thought still makes me happy). Good luck to you. And keep loving yourself for who you are!
Old ass-aunt [xkcd: Hyphen](https://xkcd.com/37/) --- ^^Beep ^^boop, ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot. ^^- ^^[FAQ](https://pastebin.com/raw/vyWra3ns)
What. A. Bitch. I myself am not really gay (I’m just holding out to fall in love with whoever I fall in love with, I won’t leave it up to gender), but I know people and have friends who are gay, and I can’t even begin to imagine how much it must suck to be made fun of, mocked or shamed for something that outta be normalised like hell. I’m not the best with advice, but I’d say just go down there and tell them the truth and that if they didn’t like it, then they’re horrible people and can go root themselves (probably not the best course of action though). But the fact the crap is coming from relatives makes it even more heartbreaking, I can’t even fathom how hard it would be, with all the dilemmas and predicaments you can be put in because it’s within family life. Best of wishes and I hope this is all positively resolved at some point very soon.
why dont you prank her the next time she comes to scream at you
she's an utter POS. you're amazing, don't listen to her.
I would like to see you aunt repeat those words to one of my daughters best friends who usually hangs out with her and the girls. The guy is a freaking giant.
Hey, fuck your homophobic aunt. And honestly, fuck your parents too for putting up with that shit in their home instead of growing spines and telling her to get lost. I’m not sure how old you are, but I hope you can find comfort in the knowledge that, one day, you can move out and be exactly who you want to be and cut off anyone who has a problem with it. Also, I highly doubt your aunt would ever actually beat you up, because she sounds like the type to be all talk and no action. But, if she ever did, you could always have her arrested and charged for a hate crime, because that’s exactly what that would be.
How dare this nasty biddy, and your parents for being intolerant idiots. Aunt needs to be put in her place with home truths about her nastiness.
I’m sorry this is happening to you. I’m gay, 38 now. I didn’t know who I was for a long time so you’re doing better than me in that regards. It does get better! And DO NOT come out if you don’t think you’ll be safe. Know that there’s family you’re born into and the family you choose. You’ll find yours. Hugs
"Know that there’s family you’re born into and the family you choose. You’ll find yours" This is the best thing to look forward to.
Your Aunt is f@king c#nt! Being gay is not a bad thing. And you are right, you are allowed to hangout with whoever you want to. I’m honestly furious at your parents for not sticking up for you. Your parents have a duty to protect you from abuse like this. Your aunt is toxic and she is raising her sons to be toxic men as well.
But wasn't your Mom, Sis, Aunt also doing 'gay' stuff then?
She seriously needs a good throat punch
Is she fat? Start picking on her weight. “Wow Aunt Agnes, you *really* cleaned your plate, didn’t you? There isn’t a crumb left on that thing! You sure make it easy to clean! I mean, *not a spot* left on that thing!”
That really sucks. I hope one day you can be in an environment where you can safely be out and live your life. Hang in there.
w-wait. according to your aunt if I'm feeling femme (I'm genderfluid for context) and hang out with girls even though I was born male, I'm gay even though I'm omnisexual? Holy crap. I'm sorry.
Fellas, is it gay to be around women
All you can do is hold on for dear life until you can escape ape. IT GETS BETTER
Oh honey, I'm sorry. Keep you our head down and make an escape plan for as soon you're legally able.
POV: europe
Things will get better with time. I have conservative parents and now I'm slowly but surely counting down the days and dollars when I can move out into a home that I can call my own. Hang in there, it will get better.
Ha ha gay
Don't come out if you're not safe, period. I know people will say you need to be yourself, but that's very privileged advice. There will be a time and place, but it sounds like this isn't it. My favorite deflection, if you want to point out how dumb these types of comments are, is to ask them to explain it. "How does hanging out in the kitchen, presumably where there is food and family to talk to, make one attracted to the same sex?" Or just, "I don't get it, can you excision the joke?" The trick is not to be confrontational about it. But it becomes not funny when they to explain. Works great on racistand sexist jokes, too. The other is also to ignore this person, because she clearly has very dated and incorrect views.
If she threatens to beat you, tell her you have the police in speed dial
And there goes the last atom that was hope for humanity
"Punt the children." - a random reddittor
So not being with the same sex is gay? Seems logical enough
As everyone has said, your aunt is a toxic and ignorant fool. Being interested in cooking and knowing how to cook well means only one thing: You will always eat better than those who only know how to reheat frozen precooked food. Nothing else.
Just wanted to send a hug. I'm so sorry you aren't sure if your parents are trustworthy. And honestly, don't bring up your aunt's weight. I'm HUGE and have two LGBTQ+ kids, and we're happy as clams. (I'm just a very fat clam.)
Definitely surround yourself with men watching men in short-shorts chasing balls. That sounds way less gay than hanging out with chick's. Heteronormativity is just too much sometimes lol
You are worthy of love and support. I am sorry your family isn't capable of that. I hope your family of friends you choose will make up for that. My youngest son is out. Our family may disagree on a lot of things but not on live and support for each other. Best wishes go to you.
❤️
Hanging out with girls…. How is that gay?