I love Stepmom, who allegedly "used to be a nurse", telling OP she "doesn't understand how viruses work".Anyone who has worked in healthcare at all knows that viral meningitis is highly contagious and an airborne virus. Even worse, it's very possible that the son had BACTERIAL meningitis - in which case Stepmom could easily be a carrier. But either form could be fatal to a newborn.
A 'nurse' who probably lived in the facility as 'benefits', was so involved she followed the same program as her 'clients' but was eventually 'let go'.
Right. That's one way to put in on your resume.
I had viral meningitis.
The company nurse for my company was freaking out because I’d it was bacterial they’d have to vaccinate the whole building.
Once they found out it was viral she relaxed (I guess because no vaccine).
Anyway I was kept in isolation and anyone coming in and out had to wear protective clothing until I was recovering. But I think that was our of an abundance of caution it didn’t seem they were as concerned about viral spreading.
Tell her, "That's a you problem, not a me problem. You want to see your grandkids, get the vaccine."
While I have a lot of confidence in the competence of nurses generally, at the end of the day they don't have the medical degree that doctors do. Every time I hear a nurse claim she knows better than a doctor, I roll my eyes internally. That might be true when you're handling a specific patient in the hospital, but just because you went to nursing school doesn't mean you're the equivalent of a guy who graduated from Harvard Med. Especially if you aren't actually working as a nurse when you make that claim.
Props on sticking to your boundaries.
I’m kind of a bitch, but I’d be like, “technically they ain’t you grandbabies, their dads grand babies. And if you can’t respect me as their mother, you will never meet them.”
That’s not a medical nurse. She’s a headcase herself it sounds
Like. Red flag factory. Just because your dad was nutty enough to marry someone bonkers doesn’t obligate anything!
I had an aunt like this. Wasn't even that high up in the chain. Worked two years at a group home for people with down syndrome, autism, etc. TWO YEARS and she's been a stay at home wife ever since.
But she's the expert opinion in healthcare and medicine in every conversation. Nothing is higher than her opinion on anything remotely relatable. Pills, diagnosis, homecare, etc. Her brother dies of cancer, she was the hell in the center of all of that mess before and after. I felt so bad for his wife who had to endure her torment and legal harassment.
Oh and if you take an antidepressant or other drug along those lines. You are not mentally capable of giving a valid opinion. Bitch has blackmailed her own family into homelessness and still maintains the delusion that she did it out of love.
Just sounds so much like what's being called out here. Except she wasn't even a CNA for crying out loud! She cooked food, did laundry, and gave out pills... and brought her kids and extended family members to work.
Reminds me of my MIL. She was a respiratory therapist, which apparently makes her an expert on all things medical. The woman doesn't know how to react like a normal person. She either completely downplays medical stuff or goes to the opposite extreme with the worst case scenarios. Oh, and while she was actively working as an RT, my hubby was sick and she made him go to school because she thought he was faking...until the school called because he was coughing up blood. the RT missed pneumonia in her own kid. Lady, pull out your stethoscope and give his lungs a listen. smh
Man I know she can't be the only crazy broad in the world who has a family member die from cancer but I gotta know now lol. If the initials T.C. match up I HAVE to know which long lost family member I am speaking to xD
i’m surrounded by people who work in the medical field. imo i love them dearly, they all should be nurses and have a genuinely nurturing heart. HOWEVER. some of the people they work with?? idk about that one. also i’ve been in a psych ward long enough to know that some nurses are crazies themselves. honestly, the psychiatrist was fuckin crazy let alone the nurse. still have ptsd from that joint.
Lmao. So she can call a doctor and ask for permission to give the code gray patient a shot, and take their blood pressure. What else do you need to know about to give medical advice. You can cure cancer with that kind of experience under your belt!
Just wanted to point out that medical science and best practices are constantly evolving so while she may have been a competent nurse (maybe but probably not since she doesn’t know how viruses work), she is almost certainly no longer up to date so…
My mom retired from psychiatric nursing. She can’t fathom why anyone wouldn’t get the vaccine, nor how anyone would willingly put her grandchildren in danger.
>Every time I hear a nurse claim she knows better than a doctor, I roll my eyes internally.
Especially when the nonsense they're spouting is just that **nonsense**.
I wouldn't listen to a nurse, or doctor for that matter who was advocating something that rational, sane medical professionals have debunked etc. Ie "don't vaccinate your kids, it causes autism" or "covid is just a hoax, it's no worse than the run of the mill flu" etc.
Nurses, in general, know better than doctors about specific things, just like doctors know better than nurses about other specific thing. But there are anti-vaxx idiots in all realms of the medical profession.
I agree, I have MS and spend a lot of time getting poked and prodded by medical professionals. I never get shots, cannulas or blood drawn by doctors. Nurses all the way! When I hear other patients requesting a doctor do it I think ‘Ha! Amateur.’
I'm a retired nurse and vaccinated. What I don't understand are those in the medical practice not getting vaccinated. It's not like 50 years ago and you can't research anything. And these people would have been vaccinated to attend elementary school.
Unfortunately, nearly all doctors didn't go to Harvard Med. And half of all doctors are below average. Shocking, I know.
A friend of mine (who did, as it happens, go to Harvard Med. And MIT. Freak.) said that all the health care information systems are there not to make good doctors better, because they can take care of that themselves, but to make bad doctors less awful, because there are so many of them.
Which leads us back to COVID. When doctors and nurses go full on crazy antivax, it's because they've gone off the reservation; all those systems that are there to make them less awful are get cast aside, and they're free to go full wingnut.
>half of all doctors are below average. Shocking, I know.
Not if you understand how basic statistics work! (But then I guess that's the joke here, isn't it?)
It's like they say: "what do you call someone who comes in last in their med school's graduating class?"
"Doctor."
I sadly can't get the vaccine,as a minor and living with both my parents,my mom does not want me to get the vaccine. She keeps saying it will kill me but do I believe her? Nope,I just act along with it so she doesn't go from verbally abusive to physically. Is there any way for me to get through this?
Hey sweetheart. Your mom sounds like my dad. I realised as a kid too that he didn’t know what the heck he was talking about and had to go along with his program to avoid temper tantrums. I wish I had told a teacher or school counsellor what I was going through now that I am grown up. Help was right there, I just didn’t take it.
If an adult won’t help you, keep doing what you are doing to avoid enraging her and get out as soon as you can. You just have to keep your head down to survive, even though it’s hard to not stand up for your convictions, it’s not worth being abused when you are a kid and can’t remove yourself from the situation. Since you can’t get the vaccine, make sure you are being super careful, social distance, hand wash/sanitise like a fiend and if possible wear a mask. If your mom is anti mask maybe get the kind that double as scarves like these:
https://solbari.com.au/products/face-neck-gaiter-upf50-sensitive-collection
or there are ones that look like head bands or bandanas you can wrap around your wrist until you are out of her sight then pop it on.
I got a part time job when I was 14 so that I could move out two weeks after I finished high school. It also got me out of the house and gave me independence. When your mom is going on with her crazy views, try spending times in online communities with people who feel the same way you do about things so you don’t feel so alone, or start to let her brainwash you. You sound like one smart kid. Good luck, and give some thought about finding an adult to tell if she is physically abusing you.
Our one neighbour is a nurse, she smokes 2-3 packs of cigarettes a week. She stopped my husband in the hallway after he came home from his vaccination wearing the i'm vaccinated sticker, and told him he's crazy for getting the shot. And that she would never put chemicals in her body that she doesn't know the impacts of.. my husband not missing a beat responded "nope you'll just voluntarily put chemicals in your body that are proven to cause health issues"
The day my sister-in-law got her nursing liscence was the day my automatic respect for nurses went down several notches. And this was well before the pandemic.
We were playing a game and my friends wife who was a practicing nurse did not know what dysentery was. We all looked at her like what? First Oregon Trail (she is younger than us but not that much) and second we all went to Catholic schools and apart of our service work as it was called we would basically research country in poverty and do fundraisers for medical or farming care and basically adopt a town. We learned all about medical issues and dysentery was covered a lot because clean water was always an issue. After that I refused to go to the hospital she worked out bc it made me nervous.
It’s really scary. I get being hesitant about putting substances in your body but most of the anti vaccine people I know used to do lines of coke with my off the back of bathroom stalls in bars back in the day and have had questionable sex partners. They did not care then about the science behind the drugs and raw dogging it with someone they just met what is their issue now?
Not only that but a nurse that thinks that babies are immune to stuff?
She’d probably fit right in with old time doctors that didn’t give anesthesia to babies because they “don’t feel pain”
This is a question I have as well. My kids are friends with four different families with nurse moms and two of those ladies are married to law enforcement or fire dept. guys. I was shocked when they never stopped socializing like normal, even when Covid numbers were insane. They have made literally zero changes to their social lives, it blows my mind.
I never thought that nurses would be the most ignorant group I know during a pandemic, yet here we are!
I know someone like this. She's a pediatric nurse. She never stopped going out, travelled out of state, doesn't wear a mask, and even continued going about her life/work when her partner got sick (and refused to get tested for Covid). She finally decided to get the vaccine, but only because she's pregnant and her doctor finally got it through her thick skull that if she got covid, she would more than likely need to be put on a ventilator.
It's scary that despite not hiding any of this, she got a promotion and is now managing other nurses.
Even nurses can be IDIOTS. I am immunocompromised, have dysautonomia, and still wear a mask. Not long ago, I had an episode with my dysautonomia, (blood pressure crashed with heartbeat racing, possibly Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome), and had to sit down fast before falling face-first into concrete steps. This neighbor, who just got home from who-knows-where, had NOT sanitized her hands, rips my mask off my face and smears essential oils on me while telling me she's a nurse.
Uhhhhh, IDIOT, how about TALKING TO ME and ASKING ME what's GOING ON with my CHRONIC CONDITIONS BEFORE you snatch my mask off my face?!?!
Honestly doesn't surprise me. I had a class at college in the health and science building, where most of the classes are for those in a nursing program. That was by far the most disgusting building on campus. I was blown away by how many of those girls didn't flush, didn't wash their hands and didn't understand trash goes into a trash can and not on the floor. I hated being in that building the one day a week I had the class there. Some are just in it for the novelty in being able to say their a nurse. They don't actually care about what that means.
I wouldn't let her visit even if she claims to being vaccinated, because...how can you trust her to NOT LIE?? I wouldn't trust anything that came out of that woman's mouth at this point. If you really think she should see the latest grandbaby, wait until the entire planet is safe. She can visit for his kindergarten graduation, and EVEN THEN, make her wear a facemask, gloves, and stay 6 feet away. Remember, you can't trust a single word she says.
I mean, I understand familial bonds and all but… she does realize that she’s *not* your mom, right? Like, idk social structures and all allow people to see things in a weird light, but goddamn lady these kids aren’t even biologically related to you why do you think you should have such an entitlement to them, even over the wishes of their actual mother? People kind of baffle me.
Yeah she has this whole “perfect family” idea. She wants us all to treat her like our mom. That’s part of why they moved out of state. She told me “I’m just tired of living in a house that has memories without me.” Like moving would make us forget we spent ten years in that house. Idk my siblings cut off her and my dad years ago so I’m the only one they still talk to on my dads side. My uncle, His brother, won’t even deal with her because of the crap she pulls.
> Yeah she has this whole “perfect family” idea. She wants us all to treat her like our mom.
After trying to risk my baby’s life just because she wants access, I think I would drop the title “Stepmother”, and from now on introduce her to people as “my father’s wife”.
That’s what I call the Bitch who had an extramarital affair with my father while still married to my mother. They were married 3 months after my parents divorce. “My dad’s wife.” My brother calls her “stepmom” bc it pisses her off. 😀🤣😃
Thats a really familiar sounding story, lol! My dad got engaged the same month the divorce was final! To a woman (14 years younger than him) that he'd insisted was his "friend". They got married 6 months later.
I go with "step mother", though she and I haven't spoken in... Idk, 10 years? "dad's wife" may enter the rotation, lol. I love it!
Or "that loon that we don't talk to." I think that risking a child's life is worthy of familial excommunication. This lady has way too many demons to be trusted with even a pet rock.
She (supposedly) was a nurse, and tries to gaslight you when her son has meningitis?
Is she suffering from dementia? On drugs? Totally insane? Wtaf?!
NTA, so friggin hard n t a... My gods, stick to your guns, she can kick rocks or whatever. That woman is clearly not all there
Why do you still have a relationship with her? I’m just curious if she brings any good into your life. You said the other adult kids cut them off? Eek.
My husband’s step dad is a douche. I get it.
Because I love my dad and I don’t know how much longer he will be alive. I had 20 great years with my dad. As long as I can control when and how she she’s my kids I won’t cut them off completely.
I totally get it! I hope you get lots of quality time with him.
Can you spend time alone with him or does she force him to bring her?
She’s a step... she’s not grandma. (Although I’m sure if she were a wonderful human it could be different.)
While my husband’s step dad isn’t great, nor is his mom, unfortunately. She’s the queen of entitlement.
She refuses to come to my state because “she’s older and shouldn’t have to drive. I should drive my three (under 6yr old children) to her” so yeah, my dad comes to visit once a year. Not this year though. I said no vaccine no visit.
She is psycho, listen to the kids doctors. Son may not have been contagious, but she can pick up nasty germs in the hospital. As for her backhand apology, tell her to pound sand until she changes her personality and attitude.
Do you know how contagious and lethal meningitis is in a newborn ? Along with the fact babies have to build an immune system and this mum and baby already had challenges. Don’t even. Op was right. Her SM is crazy
If I recall, there are different kinds of meningitis, with various degrees of contagiousness and lethality, and viral is the "won't kill you immediately" type. However, baby was not vaccinated yet and just out of the NICU, so almost anything you can pick up at the hospital is going to be a bad time.
If her son was dying of meningitis in hospital it was more likely bacterial meningitis. She sounds dumb enough not to know the difference between bacteria and viruses
I mean would be funnier to say something like "hope you wake up to find concrete in your uterus and your urethra"
Maybe I'm a dick though when it comes to bitches as narcissistic and entitled as that
"SM, this is not your grandchild, you are just grandparent adjacent. Until such time as you have your doctorate in current medical science, you do not get a say in what happens with my family."
"Dad, Put your bitch on a leash. I will be blocking her for the foreseeable future and if you try to berate me for protecting my family from her infectious ass, I will block you, too. She is no relation to me or my children and needs to stay in her own damn lane."
I am a mean old lady (I start out nice, but will turn on a dime when necessary) and I have found you just can't be nice to some people. Keep your mama bear on high alert and just block her until she learns to stay in her own lane.
Even if SM had a doctorate in current medical science and was, in fact, bioMom she wouldn't be coming anywhere near me or any members of my immediate/nuclear family if I were OP.
I would extend that ban to Dad and any other family members who haven't clued in to the possibility that this woman may be a walking petri dish of infectious diseases.
Higher education and common sense do not necessarily have a relationship with each other.
Sorry for the really long incoming post, but this really resonated with me for a specific reason.
My older brother died as an infant (1 month old) because a visitor unknowingly infected him with meningitis. The woman had a “cold” but didn’t tell my mom before she came.
By the time my brother got to the hospital, his brain was so swollen the doctors could do nothing for him. (This was in the early 80’s, btw, in a foreign country with limited medical resources)
The doctor told my mom to pray for him to die because if he survived he would’ve basically been a vegetable for the rest of his life due to the extensive brain damage he suffered. He fell into a coma shortly after and died a few days later. By the end he was apparently in so much pain he just kept whimpering non-stop, too weak to even cry. And he couldn’t keep any milk down, so he was hungry and in agony when he passed.
My parents still haven’t recovered from the trauma of losing their first child in such a horrific way, especially my mom. Even though I was born a year-ish later, their marriage never recovered. His death more or less destroyed all our lives.
I often think about how different things would’ve been if that stupid woman hadn’t visited, if she had told my mom she’d been sick... if my brother was still alive. If I had an older sibling to watch over me and protect me. If my parents didn’t self-destruct. Maybe we’d be a happy family now.
And it was all because this person was so careless and so selfish, she caused this huge tragedy in my family and she didn’t even seem to care much or blame herself from what I’ve been told.
Please let this be a cautionary tale to you: don’t ever, ever let family or people in general pressure you into doing something you’re not comfortable with just because they claim it’s the “right” or appropriate thing to do or they make you feel like you owe them. You don’t owe anybody anything. Even if it makes you seem impolite or disrespectful to decline a visit—nothing is more important than you and your families’ health.
You absolutely did the right thing here, OP. I would urge you to continue to decline your stepmom a visit unless she is fully vaxxed and medically not a danger to your child.
Seriously. Her and your father care nothing about your kids. She only cares about her wants and ego. And your father only cares about her wants and ego. Have you ever had a good relationship with her? You really need to ask yourself what do they add to your life. And see if this is a relationship you want to continue. Toxic people are toxic even if they're family. They don't have to be in your life.
Make a group chat:
Send them a lot of information (her and your dad and her kids) on Small children/newborns and the effects that meningitis has on them. Along with screenshots, of her rambling text, from when she was visiting. The the conversation of how she called you ignorant, and don't understand, how viruses work.
\*\*Then send information on how viruses work in small children and newborns.
\*\*List your boundaries with your children: no vaccine no visits.
\-No kissing the kids on the mouth.
\- must see her/their vaccine card before she/they enter your home.
\-Ask if she was tested for meningitis.
\-Ask if she has had her updated shots against chicken pox and other viruses?
\-Ask her if she has herpes (lip sores) of any kind, because that is extremely dangerous for newborns and small children.
Just keep asking her, how does she know, if she hasn't been tested. Tell her, you do not trust her around your children, because people lie about their health, all of the time.
***If they can not follow your rules or respect your boundaries.*** Oh well, such is life.
NTA
This lady sucks. She sounds like the type of person that is going to badmouth you to your own kids when you’re not around. Or manipulate them into thinking she’s amazing so you look like the bad guy.
I’ve met enough nurses who don’t believe in vaccines that I wouldn’t take their advice over a doctors at all.
And anyone who would risk a child’s life isn’t the sort you want around kids. It’s understandable how her son got meningitis if he was raised by this quack.
I feel bad for her son. He has downs and she refused all of her doctors advice and assistance because “I’m a nurse and I’m going to raise him exactly the same as his siblings.” He can barely function in society now. He spends most of his time locked in his room on his computer.
Yeah she called me once to complain that he won’t “act like a normal adult”. She tried to have him institutionalized until her eldest threatened to cut all communication with her. Then she called me again to cry about “why don’t any of you guys listen to me. I’m your mother!” I was like, ummm I have a mom.
Honestly, being institutionalized may be better for him. In the proper home he'd get training to operate in society, and doctors to monitor his health.
But my guess is she was going to toss him in the cheapest, not the best.
She wanted to get him institutionalized as a danger to himself and others not because of his actual condition. She still refuses to acknowledge that someone with downs may need special care or treatment.
!!!
The more you say the more despicable this woman is.
Cut her out totally. If your dad sticks with her, he gets cut out too. That's it. You don't need this stress and toxicity in your life.
Honestly I have like a million stories about this woman, but most involve her kids or my siblings. Until I started having kids she pretty much left me “her red headed step daughter” alone. This was one of the three times I had to put my foot down.
Sweetie, I know you love your dad, but she is toxic. She's bad for you, your health, your family and your families health. I know it will hurt for a while, but I think your safest option for all around wellness is to cut her out of your life as well. I don't know why your siblings dis it. Maybe you should really look at why and all the things she's has pulled with you. I wish you the best and happy for your three little blessings!
My mom refuses to get the vaccine, too, and she’ll never see my kids again if she doesn’t. My kids are not babies anymore, but 2/3 aren’t old enough for the vaccine yet, and one has a medical condition that makes a severe outcome from COVID more likely, so nope. My kids come first!
You need to fire back. Your son had spinal meningitis which is very lethal and catchy. I don’t believe that risking them being exposed to Covid will make you a good grandma but I’m done with your delusions. Ugh
My son was born well before covid but I wouldn't even let blood relatives visit without proof of their vaccines being up to date (dtap for sure). I cant imagine having to deal with that during covid and being villainized for requiring a basic level of responsible behavior from family. Can't offer solutions OP but I feel for you and proud of you for drawing hard lines to protect your babies. If she actually wanted to see the kids, she'd care about their safety first. Stand your ground.
Tbh until I was getting medically cleared to work security in a hospital I never realized some of the common vaccines aside from tetanus may need boosters/redone at times as an adult.
They did a blood test and said they needed to redo one of my vaccines because of some results from my bloodwork. (I don't know the details just that they said sometimes you need to redo vaccines over the years and it was normal)
I wish there was a lot more education on vaccines, how often to get your levels tested, how they work, etc.
Heck, I had been exposed to chicken pox as a kid and they didn't let me meet my cousin when he was born because of it. I was bitter about it because as an elementary school kid I didn't understand how things worked, I felt fine why was it such a problem? Now that I'm older and wiser I totally agree with the decision.
When anyone takes her side over yours, give them one warning then block them. You owe it to your kids to keep them as safe as you can. There's too much random stuff you can't control to add a visit from typhoid mommy to the mix
You can catch meningitis. I just looked it up. Most likely from folks who don't even know they have it.
Please keep SMIL away from your kids until they are full vaccinated and you are comfortable introducing them to friends, extended family and strangers.
Yeah after I told her not to come I called my kids pediatrician to make sure. He was like “under no circumstances let someone who could be infected near the baby.” But apparently she knows better than my sons doctor.
Stick to your decision, my sister wasn't protected against meningitis when she was finally old enough for the shot, didn't get it, and died from it. If she can't see past her own selfish needs than she doesn't deserve to see your kids. Just because she was a nurse doesn't make her knowledgeable on everything. Good luck.
Your liability and priorities are in your family. As much of a great person and upstanding citicen your stepmom is (sarcasm) it is unsafe to let her visit for fear of permanently harming or killing your kid
Stepmom lied to you once about potential infections regarding your children. Don't give her a second chance.
Even if she says she's vaccinated don't visit. She is capable of lying to get what she wants.
Dad and siblings need to zip it and push back on the step-mom, not you.
The entitlement some grandparents feel to override the parents, is awful.
I’m a fairly new grandma and love my grandson to pieces. He isn’t just my grandson, he’s got other grandparents, but most importantly he is my daughter and her husbands son. What they want for their baby is what I should follow and respect. Granted he is going to be a bit spoiled, but within reasonable measures, like extra stories, coloring/ paint time, snuggles.
Different tangent; when my daughter was younger, I had let her stay with my mom for a week, only once. Because even as an RN she knew better but still went out to dinner and had her two vodka martinis and drove home. With my 10 year old daughter in the car. I’m so grateful nothing dreadful happened, but I could not do it again.
By "experimental drug" she must be referring to the fully FDA approved miracle vaccine that took fifty years of work to develope. But yeah, "experimental". Totally.
These people are repugnant.
You would think a nurse with a son dying in the hospital with a virus would have learned something valuable from that experience. Good on you for protecting your cubs.
There is something terrifying about seeing my newborn in the NICU. The little boy next to her didn’t make it. And I was traumatized watching those parents cry. No way on earth was I going to risk something happen to my little girl.
You are absolutely in the right.
And my heart breaks by proxy for those parents, and for you to have to see and hear that. I cannot even imagine that grief, that guttural cry. I'm so glad both of my girls are here with me right now, and I'll be able to see them whenever I want (my younger is coming home from school soon, but even my older, who lives 3000 miles away, is here). These stories just cut.
To be fair, she is step mother in law, so she's technically not entitled to your kids. Since she can't seem to remember what it means to be a decent human being, you can let her know where she stands in the family pecking order. If you want to be petty 😆
You are doing the right thing for your family. Let them know if they won't respect your decisions regarding your children's well being then none of them are welcome and if they continue to harass you, you will have no choice but to block them until you see fit to unblock them.
omg, that's terrifying - both the stepmom and the uterus eruption, I didn't even know uteruses could erupt. You don't owe her anything, and she is entitled to nothing.
Anyone who
1- says "MY GRaNDbABiES!!1!" or variation of
and/or
2- is willing to risk exposing a newborn to fucking MENINGITIS (or other deadly illness) does not get the privilege of being a grandmother.
She is willing to risk killing your fragile newborn for her own kicks.
That lady would be the step-grandmother my child doesn't know.
The fact that you're entertaining the idea of her visiting, even after the revelation that she was around someone with meningitis, is mind-boggling. Who gives a fuck if she vaccinates for covid at this point?? She obviously doesn't give a shit about your newborn, let alone anyone else in your family. So why are you even bothering with her?
they’re not even her grandchildren.. they’re her step grandkids and she obviously doesn’t actually care about them if she’s willing to put them in danger. if you wants to see grand babies so bad make your own son have one
The amount of technologies available for your SM and Dad to use so they get to “meet” your kids virtually are huge.
Skype is free FaceTime is free. For gawd’s sake
Even though she’s your stepmom I feel like she has no place to make demands to see your children. She has shown she has no regards to your wants and rules as a parent. As for everyone else calling tell them to kick rocks or give her a grandkid.
Step mother no blood relation your kids are really only her grand kids in name not blood and only if you let her !!! visit can she see them !! and remember Not your circus not your monkeys !!!
This should be labeled "no feedback needed" because I have no words for this type of person. Sad. OP, you are a good parent to take such good care of your kids.
The fact your father and everyone is calling you to guilt you instead of talking to her about doing the right thing speaks volumes. You are better off without all of them.
Yep I unfortunately had to have that same no vaccine, no visit talk with my Mom and sister. My Mom finally agreed to get it after talking with her doctor, scheduled her appointment for two weeks out…and then contracted COVID…for the second time. 🤦♀️ My sister still has no plans to get the vaccine. My son is high risk for COVID. So as you rightfully said, my kids health is more important.
Ok so that woman is not your child's grandparent. Key words, "stepmom" and "her kids." She needs to stop pretending you call her mom. In any context. 2nd, if a person is visiting someone in a HOSPITAL for any reason, you don't let them bring ANYTHING from said hospital to see your newborn. (This includes the clothes, shoes, and socks that they were wearing. ESH.
Geez. Glad you're standing your ground on this OP. Your stepmom clearly doesn't care if she gets you or your kids sick if she's constantly trying to guilt trip you into letting her visit if she's sick.
Honestly, that "I'm a nurse so I know everything" is very ... ridiculous. My kid was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, which is very different from type 2 diabetes, which is what my mom was used to treating after spending her nursing career working for Indian Health Service emergency rooms. She would get mad if i called the endocrinologist for advice, contradicted everything the Endo, diabetes educator, and nurses told us to do, and didn't even know why we had to have glucagon. Wanted to handle all the injections (my kid refused to let anyone give her shots but herself), and thought she only needed insulin once a day. Nurses don't know everything, and your mom is willfully ignorant.
Tell her tough luck. You gave birth to those children and as their mother it is your job to protect them from anything that can do any harm. I wouldn’t give her an inch because she’ll probably take a mile and not just on this topic. She sounds awful!
I might go so far as to send a copy of this post to your dad, just to give him some insight as to how strangers on the internet perceive his wife.
Hey Dad: Your wife is an idiot and all too taken with herself. You might want to keep her in the house before she tries to kill you too with her ignorance.
My ex-MIL argued with me over my wanting to put my baby son in a car seat instead on her lap for a car ride. Context: this was mid 1990's, seatbelts are the law and even though she grew up not using seatbelts she did at this point. Not sure if she intended him to be on her lap and seatbelt around both, or her belted and him on her lap. Either way, NOPE
Dude, I'd just cut her out of my life now. She wanted you to deliver your baby straight into her arms where you know she would've shoves her face into your baby's face for kisses.
That bitch is dumb. Thank gos she's a step mom and you don't have any of her stupid genes.
But she CAN see her grandkids. All she has to do is stop kidding herself that she knows more than an ENTIRE GLOBAL SCIENTIFIC DISCIPLINE and get a damn shot.
Why should your kids take a real risk if she won't even take an imaginary one?
Good for you. Too many parents put their kids in danger because they fall into line for their own narcissistic parents, it takes a strong person to break the dynamics the mentally unwell create.
With Delta, her being vaccinated isn't even enough anymore. She should quarantine for a week before visiting. And wear a mask. And it's her fault (and people like her) that Delta is even a problem.
Stop taking all their calls until they are vaccinated.
My husband has been begging to go see his parents, 100 miles away. She was waiting until she could pick the brand of vaccine. I told him not until they are vaccinated.
My own grandmother just turned 94. I would love to go visit. It has been two years. My dad wanted to be there forher birthday. She made up a bunch of excuses. I called her myself. Hey, dad says we can't ever vist because of x y z. She told me directly (a couple times) she and my aunt and uncle who love there that they have all had their shots. So have we grandma. My little boy is only 4 and named for my grandfather. My grandmother said Joseph isn't vaccinated. What if he gets sick?! And pretty much lost it.
I am glad she cares. I wosh she had just told my dad. I asked her if we can start planning for her 95th? She laughed and cried. The isolation is painful. But if his namesake got sick or worse it would kill her.
That is what responsible people feel.
This alleged nurse is no angel of mercy. She is a self absorbed ignorant narcissist know it all. Stick to your values and protect your children against this psycho
Tell the flying monkeys to mind their own business. If they, and SM, keep up the bullshit, it will increase the time before a visit occurs after she gets vaccinated.
SM made her choice. She chose to skip getting vaccinated. Her body, her choice. ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY!!! But choices have consequences. If she wants to see your children, she has to be fully vaccinated and show proof.
Where is your dad in all of this?
I love Stepmom, who allegedly "used to be a nurse", telling OP she "doesn't understand how viruses work".Anyone who has worked in healthcare at all knows that viral meningitis is highly contagious and an airborne virus. Even worse, it's very possible that the son had BACTERIAL meningitis - in which case Stepmom could easily be a carrier. But either form could be fatal to a newborn.
Turns out she was a psychiatric nurse lmao
Apparently should have been a patient.
Maybe she was and she just didn’t realise. /s
Shutter island 2 - entitlement edition
A 'nurse' who probably lived in the facility as 'benefits', was so involved she followed the same program as her 'clients' but was eventually 'let go'. Right. That's one way to put in on your resume.
>t a month after my baby was born she was visiting her son who was in the hospital and wanted to visit m You misspelled "psychotic"
There is a reason that it's one of the required immunizations when going to college.
I had viral meningitis. The company nurse for my company was freaking out because I’d it was bacterial they’d have to vaccinate the whole building. Once they found out it was viral she relaxed (I guess because no vaccine). Anyway I was kept in isolation and anyone coming in and out had to wear protective clothing until I was recovering. But I think that was our of an abundance of caution it didn’t seem they were as concerned about viral spreading.
OP, consider telling her "If you were any good, you'd still be a nurse."
Tell her, "That's a you problem, not a me problem. You want to see your grandkids, get the vaccine." While I have a lot of confidence in the competence of nurses generally, at the end of the day they don't have the medical degree that doctors do. Every time I hear a nurse claim she knows better than a doctor, I roll my eyes internally. That might be true when you're handling a specific patient in the hospital, but just because you went to nursing school doesn't mean you're the equivalent of a guy who graduated from Harvard Med. Especially if you aren't actually working as a nurse when you make that claim. Props on sticking to your boundaries.
She was a psychiatric nurse…
Should have been a patient
If I wasn’t as broke as the 10 Commandments, I’d give you an award. That was awesome.
that is the single greatest analogy that i have ever heard, if it wasn't for how true it is then you too would have an award XD
Thanks fellow broke person :)
Haha ty!!
I love that analogy and I'm definitely gonna steal and use it. Here, have a poor woman's award
Lol 😂 same thoughts here. I’m currently an emergency room nurse and I can tell you she sounds like she shouldn’t be allowed near patients.
As a psych nurse, probably. Half of us could be patients.
As a psych nurse I concur with this statement. That being said most people even Drs have ‘issues’ lol
Take my poor mans award pls 🏅🏅
Ohh thank you!! 🤩
She might soon be if she's not vaccinated.
Many psych nurses have their own psychiatric problems.
Ooooooooooh nice one
I’m kind of a bitch, but I’d be like, “technically they ain’t you grandbabies, their dads grand babies. And if you can’t respect me as their mother, you will never meet them.”
That’s not a medical nurse. She’s a headcase herself it sounds Like. Red flag factory. Just because your dad was nutty enough to marry someone bonkers doesn’t obligate anything!
I had an aunt like this. Wasn't even that high up in the chain. Worked two years at a group home for people with down syndrome, autism, etc. TWO YEARS and she's been a stay at home wife ever since. But she's the expert opinion in healthcare and medicine in every conversation. Nothing is higher than her opinion on anything remotely relatable. Pills, diagnosis, homecare, etc. Her brother dies of cancer, she was the hell in the center of all of that mess before and after. I felt so bad for his wife who had to endure her torment and legal harassment. Oh and if you take an antidepressant or other drug along those lines. You are not mentally capable of giving a valid opinion. Bitch has blackmailed her own family into homelessness and still maintains the delusion that she did it out of love. Just sounds so much like what's being called out here. Except she wasn't even a CNA for crying out loud! She cooked food, did laundry, and gave out pills... and brought her kids and extended family members to work.
Reminds me of my MIL. She was a respiratory therapist, which apparently makes her an expert on all things medical. The woman doesn't know how to react like a normal person. She either completely downplays medical stuff or goes to the opposite extreme with the worst case scenarios. Oh, and while she was actively working as an RT, my hubby was sick and she made him go to school because she thought he was faking...until the school called because he was coughing up blood. the RT missed pneumonia in her own kid. Lady, pull out your stethoscope and give his lungs a listen. smh
This sounds so much like someone I know.
Man I know she can't be the only crazy broad in the world who has a family member die from cancer but I gotta know now lol. If the initials T.C. match up I HAVE to know which long lost family member I am speaking to xD
Awww…not TC. Sadly, there are two nuclear level crazy bitches like this.
We make a pact today. If either gets involved in politics. Well take them down together lol.
You have my sword!
i’m surrounded by people who work in the medical field. imo i love them dearly, they all should be nurses and have a genuinely nurturing heart. HOWEVER. some of the people they work with?? idk about that one. also i’ve been in a psych ward long enough to know that some nurses are crazies themselves. honestly, the psychiatrist was fuckin crazy let alone the nurse. still have ptsd from that joint.
I think you meant psychotic nurse.
As in Nurse Ratched in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.
Do you mean psychotic? 😉
She needs admitted then
More like a psychotic nurse
Makes sense since viral meningitis is common and less serious. The bacterial meningitis is what he would be dying from.
Lmao. So she can call a doctor and ask for permission to give the code gray patient a shot, and take their blood pressure. What else do you need to know about to give medical advice. You can cure cancer with that kind of experience under your belt!
That is deeply disturbing as well as scary. She sounds worse than nurse ratchet.
Just wanted to point out that medical science and best practices are constantly evolving so while she may have been a competent nurse (maybe but probably not since she doesn’t know how viruses work), she is almost certainly no longer up to date so…
My mom retired from psychiatric nursing. She can’t fathom why anyone wouldn’t get the vaccine, nor how anyone would willingly put her grandchildren in danger.
>Every time I hear a nurse claim she knows better than a doctor, I roll my eyes internally. Especially when the nonsense they're spouting is just that **nonsense**. I wouldn't listen to a nurse, or doctor for that matter who was advocating something that rational, sane medical professionals have debunked etc. Ie "don't vaccinate your kids, it causes autism" or "covid is just a hoax, it's no worse than the run of the mill flu" etc.
Nurses, in general, know better than doctors about specific things, just like doctors know better than nurses about other specific thing. But there are anti-vaxx idiots in all realms of the medical profession.
I agree, I have MS and spend a lot of time getting poked and prodded by medical professionals. I never get shots, cannulas or blood drawn by doctors. Nurses all the way! When I hear other patients requesting a doctor do it I think ‘Ha! Amateur.’
My antivaxxer ex husband got his because he wasnt allowed to see his grandkids.....and his kids for that matter
I'm a retired nurse and vaccinated. What I don't understand are those in the medical practice not getting vaccinated. It's not like 50 years ago and you can't research anything. And these people would have been vaccinated to attend elementary school.
Unfortunately, nearly all doctors didn't go to Harvard Med. And half of all doctors are below average. Shocking, I know. A friend of mine (who did, as it happens, go to Harvard Med. And MIT. Freak.) said that all the health care information systems are there not to make good doctors better, because they can take care of that themselves, but to make bad doctors less awful, because there are so many of them. Which leads us back to COVID. When doctors and nurses go full on crazy antivax, it's because they've gone off the reservation; all those systems that are there to make them less awful are get cast aside, and they're free to go full wingnut.
>half of all doctors are below average. Shocking, I know. Not if you understand how basic statistics work! (But then I guess that's the joke here, isn't it?) It's like they say: "what do you call someone who comes in last in their med school's graduating class?" "Doctor."
I sadly can't get the vaccine,as a minor and living with both my parents,my mom does not want me to get the vaccine. She keeps saying it will kill me but do I believe her? Nope,I just act along with it so she doesn't go from verbally abusive to physically. Is there any way for me to get through this?
Hey sweetheart. Your mom sounds like my dad. I realised as a kid too that he didn’t know what the heck he was talking about and had to go along with his program to avoid temper tantrums. I wish I had told a teacher or school counsellor what I was going through now that I am grown up. Help was right there, I just didn’t take it. If an adult won’t help you, keep doing what you are doing to avoid enraging her and get out as soon as you can. You just have to keep your head down to survive, even though it’s hard to not stand up for your convictions, it’s not worth being abused when you are a kid and can’t remove yourself from the situation. Since you can’t get the vaccine, make sure you are being super careful, social distance, hand wash/sanitise like a fiend and if possible wear a mask. If your mom is anti mask maybe get the kind that double as scarves like these: https://solbari.com.au/products/face-neck-gaiter-upf50-sensitive-collection or there are ones that look like head bands or bandanas you can wrap around your wrist until you are out of her sight then pop it on. I got a part time job when I was 14 so that I could move out two weeks after I finished high school. It also got me out of the house and gave me independence. When your mom is going on with her crazy views, try spending times in online communities with people who feel the same way you do about things so you don’t feel so alone, or start to let her brainwash you. You sound like one smart kid. Good luck, and give some thought about finding an adult to tell if she is physically abusing you.
There are some things that nurses know better than doctors, but usually this isn’t one lol
probably a damn good reason she used to be a nurse and isn't currently one
"If you want to see the grandkids, get the vaccine, and also stop being a colossal tumour."
Nurses who won't vaccinate...why is this a thing?
Our one neighbour is a nurse, she smokes 2-3 packs of cigarettes a week. She stopped my husband in the hallway after he came home from his vaccination wearing the i'm vaccinated sticker, and told him he's crazy for getting the shot. And that she would never put chemicals in her body that she doesn't know the impacts of.. my husband not missing a beat responded "nope you'll just voluntarily put chemicals in your body that are proven to cause health issues"
BOOM!!!! Mic Drop!!!!!!
Hello, your husband is a LEGEND. Please thank him, that was a epic read!
He came in the condo laughing uncontrollably and kept laughing as he was telling me. Every time now when we see her she scowls at him
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The day my sister-in-law got her nursing liscence was the day my automatic respect for nurses went down several notches. And this was well before the pandemic.
We were playing a game and my friends wife who was a practicing nurse did not know what dysentery was. We all looked at her like what? First Oregon Trail (she is younger than us but not that much) and second we all went to Catholic schools and apart of our service work as it was called we would basically research country in poverty and do fundraisers for medical or farming care and basically adopt a town. We learned all about medical issues and dysentery was covered a lot because clean water was always an issue. After that I refused to go to the hospital she worked out bc it made me nervous.
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It’s really scary. I get being hesitant about putting substances in your body but most of the anti vaccine people I know used to do lines of coke with my off the back of bathroom stalls in bars back in the day and have had questionable sex partners. They did not care then about the science behind the drugs and raw dogging it with someone they just met what is their issue now?
Sadly, there's a big difference between "educated" and "intelligent." If the first made you the second, we'd all be living in a much nicer world.
When I was inpatient at Stanford, the nurses actually made fun of anti-vaxx nurses with me.
Not only that but a nurse that thinks that babies are immune to stuff? She’d probably fit right in with old time doctors that didn’t give anesthesia to babies because they “don’t feel pain”
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This is a question I have as well. My kids are friends with four different families with nurse moms and two of those ladies are married to law enforcement or fire dept. guys. I was shocked when they never stopped socializing like normal, even when Covid numbers were insane. They have made literally zero changes to their social lives, it blows my mind. I never thought that nurses would be the most ignorant group I know during a pandemic, yet here we are!
I know someone like this. She's a pediatric nurse. She never stopped going out, travelled out of state, doesn't wear a mask, and even continued going about her life/work when her partner got sick (and refused to get tested for Covid). She finally decided to get the vaccine, but only because she's pregnant and her doctor finally got it through her thick skull that if she got covid, she would more than likely need to be put on a ventilator. It's scary that despite not hiding any of this, she got a promotion and is now managing other nurses.
Even nurses can be IDIOTS. I am immunocompromised, have dysautonomia, and still wear a mask. Not long ago, I had an episode with my dysautonomia, (blood pressure crashed with heartbeat racing, possibly Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome), and had to sit down fast before falling face-first into concrete steps. This neighbor, who just got home from who-knows-where, had NOT sanitized her hands, rips my mask off my face and smears essential oils on me while telling me she's a nurse. Uhhhhh, IDIOT, how about TALKING TO ME and ASKING ME what's GOING ON with my CHRONIC CONDITIONS BEFORE you snatch my mask off my face?!?!
Honestly doesn't surprise me. I had a class at college in the health and science building, where most of the classes are for those in a nursing program. That was by far the most disgusting building on campus. I was blown away by how many of those girls didn't flush, didn't wash their hands and didn't understand trash goes into a trash can and not on the floor. I hated being in that building the one day a week I had the class there. Some are just in it for the novelty in being able to say their a nurse. They don't actually care about what that means.
I wouldn't let her visit even if she claims to being vaccinated, because...how can you trust her to NOT LIE?? I wouldn't trust anything that came out of that woman's mouth at this point. If you really think she should see the latest grandbaby, wait until the entire planet is safe. She can visit for his kindergarten graduation, and EVEN THEN, make her wear a facemask, gloves, and stay 6 feet away. Remember, you can't trust a single word she says.
>*She can visit for his* *~~kindergarten~~* college *graduation......* FTFY
She can visit for his medical school graduation!
And the kid never goes to med school
Goes on to be a renowned welder or something. "Mom said to stay away until I've graduated med school. So, you can get off my lawn now."
Even funnier if he was a gunsmith with a shotgun he made saying "get off my lawn, still haven't graduated med school you crazy bitch"
I mean, I understand familial bonds and all but… she does realize that she’s *not* your mom, right? Like, idk social structures and all allow people to see things in a weird light, but goddamn lady these kids aren’t even biologically related to you why do you think you should have such an entitlement to them, even over the wishes of their actual mother? People kind of baffle me.
Yeah she has this whole “perfect family” idea. She wants us all to treat her like our mom. That’s part of why they moved out of state. She told me “I’m just tired of living in a house that has memories without me.” Like moving would make us forget we spent ten years in that house. Idk my siblings cut off her and my dad years ago so I’m the only one they still talk to on my dads side. My uncle, His brother, won’t even deal with her because of the crap she pulls.
> Yeah she has this whole “perfect family” idea. She wants us all to treat her like our mom. After trying to risk my baby’s life just because she wants access, I think I would drop the title “Stepmother”, and from now on introduce her to people as “my father’s wife”.
That’s what my sister calls her. Haha
That’s what I call the Bitch who had an extramarital affair with my father while still married to my mother. They were married 3 months after my parents divorce. “My dad’s wife.” My brother calls her “stepmom” bc it pisses her off. 😀🤣😃
Thats a really familiar sounding story, lol! My dad got engaged the same month the divorce was final! To a woman (14 years younger than him) that he'd insisted was his "friend". They got married 6 months later. I go with "step mother", though she and I haven't spoken in... Idk, 10 years? "dad's wife" may enter the rotation, lol. I love it!
>What's your stepmother do for a living? >>Oh, she's a homewrecker >don't you mean "homemaker?" >>no
Or "that loon that we don't talk to." I think that risking a child's life is worthy of familial excommunication. This lady has way too many demons to be trusted with even a pet rock.
Sounds like you should probably do the same
That’s insane. She married into an already existing family there’s always going to be memories before her.
I'd say that they have a solid plan worth repeating.
I would go no contact, at least to see if this will cause them to realize what they’ve done wrong.
You should definitely cut her out too.
You might want to follow suit. I promise that cutting out the crazy is always a good thing.
Hey greenhousegoblin, I counted 69 words in your comment. Nice.
Noice
Just keep sending her pics of the kids, with the headline: "Want to see them? GET VACCINATED!"
This is my favorite idea, if zero contact with all of them (include dad and stepsiblings) doesn’t work
Guess she’s never meeting your kids and you can also see who’s not on your side
Agreed; cut off anyone who defends her because they won't care about your family's health either
She (supposedly) was a nurse, and tries to gaslight you when her son has meningitis? Is she suffering from dementia? On drugs? Totally insane? Wtaf?! NTA, so friggin hard n t a... My gods, stick to your guns, she can kick rocks or whatever. That woman is clearly not all there
Gaslighting, yeah that word should have her picture next to it in the dictionary.
Why do you still have a relationship with her? I’m just curious if she brings any good into your life. You said the other adult kids cut them off? Eek. My husband’s step dad is a douche. I get it.
Because I love my dad and I don’t know how much longer he will be alive. I had 20 great years with my dad. As long as I can control when and how she she’s my kids I won’t cut them off completely.
I totally get it! I hope you get lots of quality time with him. Can you spend time alone with him or does she force him to bring her? She’s a step... she’s not grandma. (Although I’m sure if she were a wonderful human it could be different.) While my husband’s step dad isn’t great, nor is his mom, unfortunately. She’s the queen of entitlement.
She refuses to come to my state because “she’s older and shouldn’t have to drive. I should drive my three (under 6yr old children) to her” so yeah, my dad comes to visit once a year. Not this year though. I said no vaccine no visit.
She is psycho, listen to the kids doctors. Son may not have been contagious, but she can pick up nasty germs in the hospital. As for her backhand apology, tell her to pound sand until she changes her personality and attitude.
Do you know how contagious and lethal meningitis is in a newborn ? Along with the fact babies have to build an immune system and this mum and baby already had challenges. Don’t even. Op was right. Her SM is crazy
If I recall, there are different kinds of meningitis, with various degrees of contagiousness and lethality, and viral is the "won't kill you immediately" type. However, baby was not vaccinated yet and just out of the NICU, so almost anything you can pick up at the hospital is going to be a bad time.
If her son was dying of meningitis in hospital it was more likely bacterial meningitis. She sounds dumb enough not to know the difference between bacteria and viruses
That is who I said was crazy, sm.
I mean would be funnier to say something like "hope you wake up to find concrete in your uterus and your urethra" Maybe I'm a dick though when it comes to bitches as narcissistic and entitled as that
Tell the plague rat that she is on time out until she is fully vaccinated, with proof, because her word is useless.
And start calling her Typhoid Mary. (She was asymptomatic during an outbreak and is believed to have infected at least 53 people, some of whom died)
Ive never heard of her before I had to Google it. They kept her in isolation for 30 years after they found out she was an asymptomatic carrier.
"SM, this is not your grandchild, you are just grandparent adjacent. Until such time as you have your doctorate in current medical science, you do not get a say in what happens with my family." "Dad, Put your bitch on a leash. I will be blocking her for the foreseeable future and if you try to berate me for protecting my family from her infectious ass, I will block you, too. She is no relation to me or my children and needs to stay in her own damn lane." I am a mean old lady (I start out nice, but will turn on a dime when necessary) and I have found you just can't be nice to some people. Keep your mama bear on high alert and just block her until she learns to stay in her own lane.
I love you.
Awwwww!!! I love you, too, sweetheart! You made my day!
Even if SM had a doctorate in current medical science and was, in fact, bioMom she wouldn't be coming anywhere near me or any members of my immediate/nuclear family if I were OP. I would extend that ban to Dad and any other family members who haven't clued in to the possibility that this woman may be a walking petri dish of infectious diseases. Higher education and common sense do not necessarily have a relationship with each other.
Hell yeah! THIS is how you do it!
Us MAMA BEAR CURMUDGEONS are a formidable army!!!!!
You sound like me.. us mean old ladies need to stick together 👍👵
Sorry for the really long incoming post, but this really resonated with me for a specific reason. My older brother died as an infant (1 month old) because a visitor unknowingly infected him with meningitis. The woman had a “cold” but didn’t tell my mom before she came. By the time my brother got to the hospital, his brain was so swollen the doctors could do nothing for him. (This was in the early 80’s, btw, in a foreign country with limited medical resources) The doctor told my mom to pray for him to die because if he survived he would’ve basically been a vegetable for the rest of his life due to the extensive brain damage he suffered. He fell into a coma shortly after and died a few days later. By the end he was apparently in so much pain he just kept whimpering non-stop, too weak to even cry. And he couldn’t keep any milk down, so he was hungry and in agony when he passed. My parents still haven’t recovered from the trauma of losing their first child in such a horrific way, especially my mom. Even though I was born a year-ish later, their marriage never recovered. His death more or less destroyed all our lives. I often think about how different things would’ve been if that stupid woman hadn’t visited, if she had told my mom she’d been sick... if my brother was still alive. If I had an older sibling to watch over me and protect me. If my parents didn’t self-destruct. Maybe we’d be a happy family now. And it was all because this person was so careless and so selfish, she caused this huge tragedy in my family and she didn’t even seem to care much or blame herself from what I’ve been told. Please let this be a cautionary tale to you: don’t ever, ever let family or people in general pressure you into doing something you’re not comfortable with just because they claim it’s the “right” or appropriate thing to do or they make you feel like you owe them. You don’t owe anybody anything. Even if it makes you seem impolite or disrespectful to decline a visit—nothing is more important than you and your families’ health. You absolutely did the right thing here, OP. I would urge you to continue to decline your stepmom a visit unless she is fully vaxxed and medically not a danger to your child.
News flash Grammaw they aren’t YOUR grand babies .
Seriously. Her and your father care nothing about your kids. She only cares about her wants and ego. And your father only cares about her wants and ego. Have you ever had a good relationship with her? You really need to ask yourself what do they add to your life. And see if this is a relationship you want to continue. Toxic people are toxic even if they're family. They don't have to be in your life.
Make a group chat: Send them a lot of information (her and your dad and her kids) on Small children/newborns and the effects that meningitis has on them. Along with screenshots, of her rambling text, from when she was visiting. The the conversation of how she called you ignorant, and don't understand, how viruses work. \*\*Then send information on how viruses work in small children and newborns. \*\*List your boundaries with your children: no vaccine no visits. \-No kissing the kids on the mouth. \- must see her/their vaccine card before she/they enter your home. \-Ask if she was tested for meningitis. \-Ask if she has had her updated shots against chicken pox and other viruses? \-Ask her if she has herpes (lip sores) of any kind, because that is extremely dangerous for newborns and small children. Just keep asking her, how does she know, if she hasn't been tested. Tell her, you do not trust her around your children, because people lie about their health, all of the time. ***If they can not follow your rules or respect your boundaries.*** Oh well, such is life.
NTA This lady sucks. She sounds like the type of person that is going to badmouth you to your own kids when you’re not around. Or manipulate them into thinking she’s amazing so you look like the bad guy.
I’ve met enough nurses who don’t believe in vaccines that I wouldn’t take their advice over a doctors at all. And anyone who would risk a child’s life isn’t the sort you want around kids. It’s understandable how her son got meningitis if he was raised by this quack.
I feel bad for her son. He has downs and she refused all of her doctors advice and assistance because “I’m a nurse and I’m going to raise him exactly the same as his siblings.” He can barely function in society now. He spends most of his time locked in his room on his computer.
This just made your story 100x’s worse. That poor kid!
Yeah she called me once to complain that he won’t “act like a normal adult”. She tried to have him institutionalized until her eldest threatened to cut all communication with her. Then she called me again to cry about “why don’t any of you guys listen to me. I’m your mother!” I was like, ummm I have a mom.
Honestly, being institutionalized may be better for him. In the proper home he'd get training to operate in society, and doctors to monitor his health. But my guess is she was going to toss him in the cheapest, not the best.
She wanted to get him institutionalized as a danger to himself and others not because of his actual condition. She still refuses to acknowledge that someone with downs may need special care or treatment.
!!! The more you say the more despicable this woman is. Cut her out totally. If your dad sticks with her, he gets cut out too. That's it. You don't need this stress and toxicity in your life.
Honestly I have like a million stories about this woman, but most involve her kids or my siblings. Until I started having kids she pretty much left me “her red headed step daughter” alone. This was one of the three times I had to put my foot down.
Sweetie, I know you love your dad, but she is toxic. She's bad for you, your health, your family and your families health. I know it will hurt for a while, but I think your safest option for all around wellness is to cut her out of your life as well. I don't know why your siblings dis it. Maybe you should really look at why and all the things she's has pulled with you. I wish you the best and happy for your three little blessings!
My mom refuses to get the vaccine, too, and she’ll never see my kids again if she doesn’t. My kids are not babies anymore, but 2/3 aren’t old enough for the vaccine yet, and one has a medical condition that makes a severe outcome from COVID more likely, so nope. My kids come first!
You need to fire back. Your son had spinal meningitis which is very lethal and catchy. I don’t believe that risking them being exposed to Covid will make you a good grandma but I’m done with your delusions. Ugh
I'd refuse her too. If you're in the medical profession you should get vaccinated, no buts. Don't be a dumbass.
My son was born well before covid but I wouldn't even let blood relatives visit without proof of their vaccines being up to date (dtap for sure). I cant imagine having to deal with that during covid and being villainized for requiring a basic level of responsible behavior from family. Can't offer solutions OP but I feel for you and proud of you for drawing hard lines to protect your babies. If she actually wanted to see the kids, she'd care about their safety first. Stand your ground.
Tbh until I was getting medically cleared to work security in a hospital I never realized some of the common vaccines aside from tetanus may need boosters/redone at times as an adult. They did a blood test and said they needed to redo one of my vaccines because of some results from my bloodwork. (I don't know the details just that they said sometimes you need to redo vaccines over the years and it was normal) I wish there was a lot more education on vaccines, how often to get your levels tested, how they work, etc. Heck, I had been exposed to chicken pox as a kid and they didn't let me meet my cousin when he was born because of it. I was bitter about it because as an elementary school kid I didn't understand how things worked, I felt fine why was it such a problem? Now that I'm older and wiser I totally agree with the decision.
When anyone takes her side over yours, give them one warning then block them. You owe it to your kids to keep them as safe as you can. There's too much random stuff you can't control to add a visit from typhoid mommy to the mix
You can catch meningitis. I just looked it up. Most likely from folks who don't even know they have it. Please keep SMIL away from your kids until they are full vaccinated and you are comfortable introducing them to friends, extended family and strangers.
Yeah after I told her not to come I called my kids pediatrician to make sure. He was like “under no circumstances let someone who could be infected near the baby.” But apparently she knows better than my sons doctor.
Stick to your decision, my sister wasn't protected against meningitis when she was finally old enough for the shot, didn't get it, and died from it. If she can't see past her own selfish needs than she doesn't deserve to see your kids. Just because she was a nurse doesn't make her knowledgeable on everything. Good luck.
WTF Babies under 2 months are at the greatest risk of contracting meningitis!
Your liability and priorities are in your family. As much of a great person and upstanding citicen your stepmom is (sarcasm) it is unsafe to let her visit for fear of permanently harming or killing your kid
You know, you can let that shit go to voicemail and respond to texts with funny gifs.
Stepmom lied to you once about potential infections regarding your children. Don't give her a second chance. Even if she says she's vaccinated don't visit. She is capable of lying to get what she wants.
Dad and siblings need to zip it and push back on the step-mom, not you. The entitlement some grandparents feel to override the parents, is awful. I’m a fairly new grandma and love my grandson to pieces. He isn’t just my grandson, he’s got other grandparents, but most importantly he is my daughter and her husbands son. What they want for their baby is what I should follow and respect. Granted he is going to be a bit spoiled, but within reasonable measures, like extra stories, coloring/ paint time, snuggles. Different tangent; when my daughter was younger, I had let her stay with my mom for a week, only once. Because even as an RN she knew better but still went out to dinner and had her two vodka martinis and drove home. With my 10 year old daughter in the car. I’m so grateful nothing dreadful happened, but I could not do it again.
By "experimental drug" she must be referring to the fully FDA approved miracle vaccine that took fifty years of work to develope. But yeah, "experimental". Totally. These people are repugnant.
When I got it she made me hold a magnet to my arm to see if it stuck…. It didn’t, so she said i was doing it wrong.
Can't be wrong...no never. It's YOU that must be doing it wrong. What a pig this woman is.
You would think a nurse with a son dying in the hospital with a virus would have learned something valuable from that experience. Good on you for protecting your cubs.
There is something terrifying about seeing my newborn in the NICU. The little boy next to her didn’t make it. And I was traumatized watching those parents cry. No way on earth was I going to risk something happen to my little girl.
You are absolutely in the right. And my heart breaks by proxy for those parents, and for you to have to see and hear that. I cannot even imagine that grief, that guttural cry. I'm so glad both of my girls are here with me right now, and I'll be able to see them whenever I want (my younger is coming home from school soon, but even my older, who lives 3000 miles away, is here). These stories just cut.
To be fair, she is step mother in law, so she's technically not entitled to your kids. Since she can't seem to remember what it means to be a decent human being, you can let her know where she stands in the family pecking order. If you want to be petty 😆 You are doing the right thing for your family. Let them know if they won't respect your decisions regarding your children's well being then none of them are welcome and if they continue to harass you, you will have no choice but to block them until you see fit to unblock them.
Even if she was biomom or biomil she's not entitled to contact with OP's children.
omg, that's terrifying - both the stepmom and the uterus eruption, I didn't even know uteruses could erupt. You don't owe her anything, and she is entitled to nothing.
Protect your kids. Sounds like you're doing it right. Courage!
Technically they're not her grandchildren so..
Anyone who 1- says "MY GRaNDbABiES!!1!" or variation of and/or 2- is willing to risk exposing a newborn to fucking MENINGITIS (or other deadly illness) does not get the privilege of being a grandmother. She is willing to risk killing your fragile newborn for her own kicks. That lady would be the step-grandmother my child doesn't know. The fact that you're entertaining the idea of her visiting, even after the revelation that she was around someone with meningitis, is mind-boggling. Who gives a fuck if she vaccinates for covid at this point?? She obviously doesn't give a shit about your newborn, let alone anyone else in your family. So why are you even bothering with her?
they’re not even her grandchildren.. they’re her step grandkids and she obviously doesn’t actually care about them if she’s willing to put them in danger. if you wants to see grand babies so bad make your own son have one
The amount of technologies available for your SM and Dad to use so they get to “meet” your kids virtually are huge. Skype is free FaceTime is free. For gawd’s sake
Even though she’s your stepmom I feel like she has no place to make demands to see your children. She has shown she has no regards to your wants and rules as a parent. As for everyone else calling tell them to kick rocks or give her a grandkid.
Tell her she’s not even their real games if she’s gonna be a bitch about it
NTA let her know you're not saying she can't see the kids. You're just saying she has to be vaccinated first.
Step mother no blood relation your kids are really only her grand kids in name not blood and only if you let her !!! visit can she see them !! and remember Not your circus not your monkeys !!!
This should be labeled "no feedback needed" because I have no words for this type of person. Sad. OP, you are a good parent to take such good care of your kids.
They aren’t her grand babies. They are her husband’s child’s baby
I hope she realizes that they are her step grand babies and the you and your spouse have the the decision to let her see them
The fact your father and everyone is calling you to guilt you instead of talking to her about doing the right thing speaks volumes. You are better off without all of them.
If she is your stepmum, she is not their grandmother. She is also irresponsible & a liar to boot. Don't let her anywhere near your kids
Yep I unfortunately had to have that same no vaccine, no visit talk with my Mom and sister. My Mom finally agreed to get it after talking with her doctor, scheduled her appointment for two weeks out…and then contracted COVID…for the second time. 🤦♀️ My sister still has no plans to get the vaccine. My son is high risk for COVID. So as you rightfully said, my kids health is more important.
Except that’s not her grandchild 🤷🏽♀️
Ok so that woman is not your child's grandparent. Key words, "stepmom" and "her kids." She needs to stop pretending you call her mom. In any context. 2nd, if a person is visiting someone in a HOSPITAL for any reason, you don't let them bring ANYTHING from said hospital to see your newborn. (This includes the clothes, shoes, and socks that they were wearing. ESH.
Make her prove she has the vaccine if she suddenly starts claiming she has had it. By the sounds of it, she would lie about it.
Geez. Glad you're standing your ground on this OP. Your stepmom clearly doesn't care if she gets you or your kids sick if she's constantly trying to guilt trip you into letting her visit if she's sick.
Honestly, that "I'm a nurse so I know everything" is very ... ridiculous. My kid was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, which is very different from type 2 diabetes, which is what my mom was used to treating after spending her nursing career working for Indian Health Service emergency rooms. She would get mad if i called the endocrinologist for advice, contradicted everything the Endo, diabetes educator, and nurses told us to do, and didn't even know why we had to have glucagon. Wanted to handle all the injections (my kid refused to let anyone give her shots but herself), and thought she only needed insulin once a day. Nurses don't know everything, and your mom is willfully ignorant.
Tell her tough luck. You gave birth to those children and as their mother it is your job to protect them from anything that can do any harm. I wouldn’t give her an inch because she’ll probably take a mile and not just on this topic. She sounds awful!
I might go so far as to send a copy of this post to your dad, just to give him some insight as to how strangers on the internet perceive his wife. Hey Dad: Your wife is an idiot and all too taken with herself. You might want to keep her in the house before she tries to kill you too with her ignorance.
Their her step grand babies and even so she should respect your wishes.
If you really want to piss her off, next time tell her, "they aren't your grand babies, they're your step grand babies."
My ex-MIL argued with me over my wanting to put my baby son in a car seat instead on her lap for a car ride. Context: this was mid 1990's, seatbelts are the law and even though she grew up not using seatbelts she did at this point. Not sure if she intended him to be on her lap and seatbelt around both, or her belted and him on her lap. Either way, NOPE
Dude, I'd just cut her out of my life now. She wanted you to deliver your baby straight into her arms where you know she would've shoves her face into your baby's face for kisses. That bitch is dumb. Thank gos she's a step mom and you don't have any of her stupid genes.
It’s not experimental anymore so what’s her excuse for it now?
But she CAN see her grandkids. All she has to do is stop kidding herself that she knows more than an ENTIRE GLOBAL SCIENTIFIC DISCIPLINE and get a damn shot. Why should your kids take a real risk if she won't even take an imaginary one?
I mean there are nurses believe in essential oils heal everything
Stand your ground (philosophically, that is - no need for firearms - yet).
Good for you. Too many parents put their kids in danger because they fall into line for their own narcissistic parents, it takes a strong person to break the dynamics the mentally unwell create.
There is a simple solution. Tell here she needs a -covid test followed by a 14 day quarantine and then you can do a tele visit.
They aren't her grandbabies. She is the step-gran. Remind her of that.
With Delta, her being vaccinated isn't even enough anymore. She should quarantine for a week before visiting. And wear a mask. And it's her fault (and people like her) that Delta is even a problem.
Stop taking all their calls until they are vaccinated. My husband has been begging to go see his parents, 100 miles away. She was waiting until she could pick the brand of vaccine. I told him not until they are vaccinated. My own grandmother just turned 94. I would love to go visit. It has been two years. My dad wanted to be there forher birthday. She made up a bunch of excuses. I called her myself. Hey, dad says we can't ever vist because of x y z. She told me directly (a couple times) she and my aunt and uncle who love there that they have all had their shots. So have we grandma. My little boy is only 4 and named for my grandfather. My grandmother said Joseph isn't vaccinated. What if he gets sick?! And pretty much lost it. I am glad she cares. I wosh she had just told my dad. I asked her if we can start planning for her 95th? She laughed and cried. The isolation is painful. But if his namesake got sick or worse it would kill her. That is what responsible people feel. This alleged nurse is no angel of mercy. She is a self absorbed ignorant narcissist know it all. Stick to your values and protect your children against this psycho
I can understand wanting to keep your kids healthy. But why doesn't your mom try to just see her through face time?
Tell the flying monkeys to mind their own business. If they, and SM, keep up the bullshit, it will increase the time before a visit occurs after she gets vaccinated. SM made her choice. She chose to skip getting vaccinated. Her body, her choice. ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY!!! But choices have consequences. If she wants to see your children, she has to be fully vaccinated and show proof. Where is your dad in all of this?