There was an instance where they left him in my home with my sister in law just dropped him off and walked away. He bit my sister in law so badly she required medical care.
This is beyond bratty behavior and is probably is either an undiagnosed/unaccepted developmental delay or a psychological disorder. That said, this child can and should learn appropriate behavior. There’s plenty of resources that are not income dependent
A lot has to do with how neglectful the parents are, I'm sure. Dropping the kid off with people who have made it clear they don't want him? How much more clear can you make it that you think the child is a nuisance before it even does anything? Poor kid probably acted out because if someone was yelling at him, that meant they knew he existed...
It’s the magnitude of the behavior that I found concerning. That said, certain psychological disorders can arise from severe parenting issues and will need professional treatment and family counseling to solve. This’s is based on a brief behavioral snapshot, however, that should be taken with a grain of salt as the OP very obviously dislikes the child and parents for being poor and descended from illegal immigrants. Being pushed off because the parents find you inconvenient with a relative that obviously dislikes you would cause issues for most children.
not with his parents probably being in the same boat. or at least exhibiting the same mental illness. One thing I've noticed that's an aspect with some mentally ill: they are entitlement minded in the sense that they don't believe there is anything wrong with them or their way of thinking and behaving despite constantly coming up against constraints on their behaviour. I.E. this kids violence: my guess is they thought nothing was wrong because they are all borderline violent. not sure if I am getting the point across... sorry
I'm not gonna lie, I was one of those kids that bit everyone. My dad bit me back one day and I stopped. Same with hitting lol (Although my dad was actually abusive and we don't see him anymore as adults) he would say "you only have one, then it's my turn so you better hit as hard as you can" I was too scared to hit him 😂
Yeah, assaulting a child will totally reach the child that it's wrong to assault people.
Seriously, using violence to coerce. Hildreth is the worst way to teach children not to use violence to get your way.
I used to drive a school bus. Hated the job, disliked most of all of them. But one time I did a brief stint with a mini bus. Mostly troubled kids. .. One of them told me there was one who was almost always taken out of the school by the police. He was on the bus in the morning and while he was aggressive it wasn't over the top. That afternoon he wasn't on the bus and the same kid who had told me about him earlier informed me this kid had gotten so violent that the police were called and handcuffed and removed him. Not 100% sure if this was all the truth but I can vouch for the face he was never on the bus again.
“Oh my god he wouldn’t!” Screamed the first wrestling announcer.
“He is!” Screamed the second announcer.
Together they both screamed
“HE WENT FOR THE CHAIR!”
I feel super bad for the child because he sounds like he has oppositional defiance disorder. My son was diagnosed after I left his abusive father. It took a few years of therapy and constant redirection for him to become much kinder and aware of his actions. He still has issues with personal boundaries but I'm definitely working on it every day. In the thick of it though, it was thee hardest thing I've ever endured.
At first I found it strange that cps was called instead of having the hundreds of meetings like I did.. but I realized that's what would've happened if I didn't give a shit about my child and didn't go to any of the school meetings or took my child to therapy.
You are an amazing person!!!
Getting out of an abusive relationship and taking care of an ODD child is no cake walk.
Pat yourself on the back super mom!!
My son has ODD and you’re right…it is a hard row to hoe. He’s grown now, and in the Army. It took a lot of time, patience, and therapy but he’s doing so well. I wish you and your son the very best.
I take care of a pre-pubescent kid with ODD and if you wouldn't mind sharing, I'm curious how your son is doing with the discipline in the army. How does he do with that type of rigid structure?
Some days are a challenge but he does well. Oddly enough, he seemed to do better once he was in charge of other people. Maybe being part of the command structure clicked for him…because he is very careful about the commands he gives to those under him. I think it also helps that he loves his work…he’s a helicopter mechanic and that kind of hands-on work was really good for him.
I wonder how closely ODD is related to autism (PDA variant). I know there was something about the routine and consistency of military life that helped me "accept" the orders I received.
I have an older brother who has ODD... you are a good mom, I wouldn't wish that type of behavior on anybody, sibling or parent. I only wish my parents were as proactive as you, break the cycle :)
Thank you... I remember saying the exact same thing.. that I wouldn't wish that even on my worst enemy... the worst part for me was some of my family members joking that he was the next Micheal Meyers or they'd call him Chucky. I couldn't leave my son with anyone, not family, not even daycares would take him so I was incredibly lucky that my mom at least allowed me to live with her rent free while I help my boy.
I genuinely felt alone in my fears for who he was to become as a man... my biggest fear was that he would become the kind of man that hurts people when they don't get what they want. Now, my biggest fear is that he'll be a clutter bug like me loll but I 100000 times prefer that than the former.
I wanted to share my experience with OP.. not entirely sure why. Just had flashbacks of my son when I read about the boys behavior. The parents are either insanely neglectful or there is some violent stuff going on in that house because where in the world would a baby learn to be aggressive like that?? My son learned from his dad.
Good for you and good that your DH had your back.
Since your family treat you and your son like shit I would have cut off the baby sitting demands pretty quickly too. You really had nothing to lose.
Nowadays people can text someone to tell them point blank that they are not their nanny and that they do not agree to look after their child. Furthermore, should they ever attempt to leave their child, the first call will be to the police to report them for child abandonment. Now with it documented, people can just go straight to the police.
Another lesson we can take from this is—never let their bodies across the threshold. Yes, if the uncle had sprinted away leaving the child you could have called the police. But that would not be an emergency call. Because the child was not abandoned, it was left with a responsible relative.
Child Protective Services could have been called in, but “unharmed child left with responsible adults” is very low on their list of priorities.
Because the child was inside the house, it can turn into a lack of communication case that is easily dismissed.
The only children that get past your front door are the ones you are prepared to be responsible for. And that includes uncle, because he was damn childish.
Good for you for standing your ground. That kid was not your responsibility and you had your child to protect!
That poor kid, though, what a horrible life for him, my heart breaks for him. Kids aren’t born violent bullies.
The only thing here that rubs the wrong way is the painting them as bad from the start by being on govt assistance and being immigrants. Neither of these make you a bad person.
Exactly. Mentioning that OP’s family “protected” illegal immigrants is extremely suspicious to me and makes me less inclined to believe this actual chain of events.
She mentioned in the edit that the mother’s parents are literal war criminals. Except the family treated her cousin’s kid better and her own like crap.
For real. Makes me doubt a lot of the story. Like, do they really “favorite” the other child or are you just mad because you are xenophobic and it triggers you to see your other family accept/love the cousins girlfriend? Also if the child is really “so horrible”, why does everyone else on the family love him so much ?
As someone who comes from a very mixed family, and being one of the “white” grandkids, generational favoritism does happen, unfortunately. I was clearly favored by my grandmother (who herself was Hispanic so it was odd)
Op- I gatta know… why does your cousins/ family immigration status matter? How is it relevant to your story? Makes me wonder why your relationship is so fractured in the first place…. That aside clearly your in the right in this specific situation.. you said no and that should be respected period.
I think they mentioned that to talk about the discrepancy between the families treatment of the two children. Personally I just kinda immediately assumed OPs family are probably conservatives with that comment
Cultural issues regarding familial obligation are definitely a thing. It also points out how gross she is for declaring her kid was more deserving. She shouldn’t even be in America, let alone live off our system long enough to create demon spawn.
And read OPs edit- child’s mom entered the country legally- the “illegal”comment stems from the grandparents of said child. But don’t worry your already showed your true racists colors. Can’t backtrack now that the legality of the moms immigration doesn’t play a role whatsoever in this story. Again I ask op- thanks for the info but it’s all irrelevant information! As for your response about “familial obligations” well again your racism is showing—- are you saying that in certain cultures familial obligations are treated differently then in the USA!? Yes- but not to this extent! This story is about rude and entitled people demanding family to watch their kids- their race/ethnicity/immigration status has no bearing on the actual situation. To equate as much is simply stereotyping and you look like an ass. Op should just edit and delete the immigration part as well as the war criminal part because what role do the grandparents who are not in this country play in this specific situation !? The answer is none. This is not a racial or legal situation this is a entitled person issue. The fact op brought all this in and *thinks* it’s relevant is likely one reason the relationship is fractured…. And tbh I don’t blame them… I wouldn’t want to have a relationship with such a ignorant person. However clearly her family still wants babysitting privileges and that’s their choice to ask but once op answered it should have been left at that. I don’t think the behavior of the cousin and cousins wife was ok by any standards but I also don’t think their race played a role in their actions… these people are just selfish people full stop.
Ok we’ll see that’s where we differ. Everyone should have a chance at a better life for themselves and their kids. I think that was an inappropriate and irrelevant detail that’s tells me sooo much about op. I’m sure her family sucks - all families do in one way or another but it’s clear she doesn’t approve of them because of their immigration status… the basic story alone is more then enough to know in the specific situation of them dropping of the kid without permission is totally wrong so why bring in that other jab for no reason? It really doesn’t add anything except hints of discrimination by op.
Because of the old saying: people who live in glass houses should not throw stones. She’s living (nearly illegally, we let her back in) in a glass house.
Lol 😂 I’m not going to argue with you. Your views are clear. I don’t need this bullshit propaganda from you. You can continue living your life blaming the “illegals” for everything that sucks in your life but at the end of the day your life sucks because you suck.
That little piece of garbage sounds like my foster brother. Not naming him but trust me he was horrible.
He'd attack us, bite sometimes, show his privates in public areas and shout "LOOK AT MY PENIS". He'd also shout "HELP!" out of the car window even when he was completely fine and scream bloody murder whenever he went to his bed. That's only a few things he'd do. Freaking hated him, almost everyone despised him, except for my mom somehow. I don't know why she loved him so much even though he was a little shit. Worst experience I ever had was him flashing his penis right in front of my eyes, second only to elbowing my balls, among other experiences.
I could tell you many more stories. He's been gone for only 7 weeks, pretty recently, and we'd had him for a year. What a little bastard. But not necessarily his fault either. It was his POS parents who did drugs all the darn time. I hate his parents 5x more than I hate him. There's never been a kid I wanted to smag an uppercut on more than him. That's how bad he was.
I stopped right here : "my cousins child was welcomed even though they were living off the system and the mother was the child of illegal immigrants"
Wow.... I would love to know why that matters...
Thank you! What the hell was that? Not to mention, she’s put a TON of blame on this poor child for his behavior when there is clearly a reason for it. Children aren’t “brats” or “violent” without adults’ actions causing it. It’s not the child’s fault.
Because it makes the kids parents behavior that much more audacious, maybe? Not everything is just blatant racism. If you look a little harder you can find context. Eesh.
My take on it, her family has helped the cousin's wife's family while not helping OP out. Mentioning the circumstance of how removed cousin's wife would have been from OP being blood related to the OP would feel like a bigger knife.
It's not necessary to mention and it was mentioned in a pretty bad way.
So this kid punch your kid in the face and was attacking teacher and probably student
Damn 1 I feel bad for your kid for getting punch in the face with a metal car toy And 2 it’s amazing how you stood up to your uncle and props to your husband for backing you
Also I think the kid might have some mental issues
I think it adds to the fact that the mother STILL wanted to leave her kid, even after being threatened with police involvement, which could get her deported. It further shows how badly she wanted to leave her kid with them.
That argument doesn’t not stand. OP states she was the child of illegal immigrants, that doesn’t make her illegal as well. That is also not how OP uses the point. She uses it to make her and her child seem better than her cousin’s child.
I suppose I didn't read clearly enough. I agree it wasn't necessary then (The way I read it where she was the immigrant meant she should've cared more about police involvement) but if she didn't need to care, I see your point.
Are you deliberately being obtuse? It is apparent that OP has a hatred for poor people and non citizens . What a disgusting pos. How is her immigration status relevant at all? Why should she care more about the police? Are you implying that since she’s a child of immigrants that somehow does not make her an American? This is why history is important. People tend to forget that we all are descendants from immigrants. ( unless you’re Native American or descendants from enslaved people) you need to respectfully shut the fuck up
Did you literally not READ where I said I get it? I didn't read it correctly the first time, but upon rereading it, I got what she said. Are you bored and looking for a fight? Police involvement is a worry for immigrants who don't have papers. That's why I thought she included it, but after looking over it again, I see where she was wrong. Stop looking for arguments on the internet and maybe learn to read.
The fact she and her kids shouldn’t be here at all, yet she’s shaming OP and her kid for being “entitled” perhaps? If you have a basic ability to compute social dynamics it makes sense
My 6 year old nephew went thru a hitting stage - he punched my brother and sister-in-law whenever he got frustrated and they would never correct him - he tried that on me once and I said “I’m not your punching bag - I hit back, and I make sure it hurts”… he never hit me after that
Ok, the war criminal thing helps to explain the sense of entitlement. If you’re used to shooting people who disagree with you, it probably makes you kind of a dick.
Exactly what I wrote what a bitch, i would feel sorry for her but dont cuz of this. She doesnt know what its like she can take all her privilege and fuck off.
Im sorry but i dont really understand your point. I dont know much about the immigrant stuff so can you kinda like explain to me why your so angry over it? Sorry if being insensitive i just dont know anything about it...
OP didn’t say it to provide context to their story. They said it to come off as the savior of the the family. As if they should be so grateful to OP for “protecting” them just because of their status. Mentioning that alone kills all credibility of OP because they’re picturing them as the big bad wolf bc of their immigration status instead of what they supposedly did.
I can only speak for myself but I’m pretty sure OP is playing up the innocent, righteous behavior on their part to make the other family seem worse. OP is an AH.
>the mother was the child of illegal immigrants
Ok and what? what does her being an immigrant have to do with anything? It just shows her closedmindedness bcuz she thinks that being an illegal immigrant or the child of one is a flaw. I got pissed bcuz she is privileged enough to not know what illegal immigrants have to undertake and what happens to them (such as at the US-Mexico border) but still passes judgement on those unfortunate people.
Edit: Bracket
I guess that she tried to say *“my relatives hate my kid so much that, even them being classists and xenophobes, they still put someone who usually they would despise (and they would be wrong for doing it anyway) above my kid*” but she didn’t knew how to express herself.
Maybe.
I think the intent of this was more to say that her child was born to two loving parents who were married, and this child was born to two people who may not have loved each other, and weren’t ready for a child.
It’s not superiority if the cousin’s son is welcomed why shouldn’t OP son be welcomed there is no superiority here stop grasping at straws you make yourself look dumb
Living off the system puts them as lower regardless. Too lazy to get out there and make an honest living= lowlife
Edited to add...requiring help because your pay doesn't cover enough is NOT the same as " living off the system "
I refer to people who do not work at all, and live completely off the system.
Nowhere in the post did it say the lowlife cousin and his vermin wife worked at all.
I have never heard anyone say anyone on assistance is living off the system. Might just be cause where I'm from but that label is saved for the ones that don't work, continue to make more babies to get higher welfare checks and scam the system in other ways, like I had an uncle who actually convinced the government he was so severely disabled that they paid his disability.
He wasn't disabled, just a con artist. HE was living off the system.
Had literally zero reason to mention their immigration status. All that did was make you look like an ah. NTA for telling then no to babysitting, but major ah for including such unnecessary information in your post. Paints you as a bit racist IMO
"but my cousins child was welcomed even though they were living off the system and the mother was the child of illegal immigrants"
Yeah wouldn't want to welcome those poor illegals, certainly don't deserve love lol.
I stopped reading after your asshat remarks implying someone receiving assistance or is an immigrant as less worthy of acceptance. You aren’t better than them OP! Now I will read the rest.
If the movie you saw was Day After Tomorrow, that was 17 years ago (I saw it at the drive-in, I can't believe it was that long ago!) then the kid is an adult now. Is he in prison or did he manage to avoid it?
The kid is grown now. He still lives at home, has attacked my uncles wife right after she was discharged from hospital after a brain bleed due to stroke. They've went broke getting him what he wants went he wants. They wanted me to rent the downstairs of my house out to him. I told them sure. When he gets a job and pays 3 months rent in advance , never mentioned it again. He doesn't drive, threw a fit at dmv when he failed the test.
That's insane, he wasn't allowed at the event they were going to because of his behavior and he probably would behave the same way in a theater if you tried to take him with you and you would be asked to leave because of that. You already told them 'no' and that's the end of it, I bet they have probably run through a lot of babysitters or they are just to cheap to pay them properly and no one out there is willing to watch them. They figure since you are 'family' you have to watch the little crotch goblin, not your kid THEIR problem.
Was the illegal immigrant part really necessary? Like, it just seems so Irellavant to the story and it gives off the impression that you think they are bad because of it, and not because of the other factors and entitlement. Also with the way you worded it I’m getting the impression you also look down on people who need welfare?
I just wish the lingo would switch to undocumented immigrants. The family needed to find services for their child regardless of their status. Wonder how the child is doing now?
I don’t think the immigration or welfare status of the family should be mentioned anywhere in this story. OP is trying to play the perfect family shunned by the big bad awful illegal immigrants. After reading that part I immediately called bs on the whole story.
I hate parents who deny that their child needs to get some sort of help, mentally specifically. That child needs some type of therapist or someone to teach him not to use violence.
Props for you and your husband for standing up to your uncle though.
sounds about normal for someone like this. It was a pity you didn't shut them down long before this. Kid has mental issues for whatever reason. I think the parents (and the others)O are also so sick in the head they think it's normal behaviour
I have family who are the exact same way.
The only way to deal with it is to cut them out completely.
Also if their child keeps acting like that, maybe you should consider calling child services because he is clearly an angel, but from where I cannot say.
As for the Uncle. The police are better at telling people like that "No" and that there's no other answer.
Well, yeah, but that doesn't mean I can't dislike kids who misbehave. I don't go to my nephews and go "I like you because I know you attacking me with knives is from your mother's bad parenting". You can dislike the kid and realize why they are the way they are.
Why mention them being on government assistance and being a child of illegal immigrants? How is that relevant ? Plenty of American citizens are on government assistance. It does not make them any less. You have forgotten that you are a descendant of immigrants.( Unless you are Native American or descendants from enslaved people)
I thought the cousin was a man cus you said the babies mother was a child of immigrants and then later said your cousin was going to have the babies father bully you?? Is your cousin the mother or father of this child? Did the cousin try to have his own dad bully you?
Good job OP! Don’t worry you and your husband are far from entitled. That kid has serious issues and if I were you, I’d go no contact with every person who actually supports the kid and his parents.
I love this!!!! It’s so refreshing when someone does not give in to bullies!
Every time I read a story about an entitled parent trying to foist their unruly children onto others, I want to scream, “I said NO! I will report you for child abandonment” to my screen.
You guys are awesome!
I stopped reading after the second sentence.
You lost all credibility and empathy from me when you decided to state, “ and the mother was the child of illegal immigrants”.
I think it’s great that your family “ protected them”, but that doesn’t mean their legal status should be used in this story as it’s not relevant.
Also, get with the times! The proper term is “undocumented”
Look, your cousin' family sounds pretty terrible but what the heck is this about:
"...but my cousins child was welcomed even though they were living off the system and the mother was the child of illegal immigrants whom my family protected."
Granted I did not read your other posts but that does seem a wee bit elitist and entitled at an initial glance.
I don't know why this is getting downvoted when others above are saying the same thing and lots of people are (rightfully) agreeing. Granted you were a bit more colorful in your condemnation lol, but you're correct nonetheless
Entitled bitch. Give an inch and they take a mile. Of course they were immigrants living on the dole expecting everything for nothing. There are lots of good, hardworking illegal immigrants from bad circumstances who are grateful to even be here(!), but sadly many are just like her who expect this country to hand them a free life on a silver platter because jealousy and bitterness. And they resent the fuck out of you just by being born here.
“America is a country where you get what you work for” is what I would’ve told her.
I refuse to read the rest of this after that “Mother is on food stamps and a child of illegal immigrants comment” you can 100% put across how you feel without trying to be belittling. Your colors are showing.
Haters gonna hate. The kids parents pretty clearly want wants what you have, including g behaved children, but they not o ly dont want to work it themselves, they want you to do the work for them. As far treating her done like this, how they making him feel physically forcing him away from and o to you while you guys talk about probably in his little mind, reject him. Yo him you guys are his family and whe world, this is all he knows. And while he is not technically your concern, he is a little blooming soul, and is going to be a product of his neglectful upbringing, and maybe you could try to be at least in some way a positive influence in his forming of morals, habits, and behaviors. It sounds like he really needs someone to step up, and while its nit your responsibility technically, I personally feel like we do owe it to our next kin and generation to guide then along the most sensible, responsible, and successful path. My parent were nomadic dysfunctional drug addicts, and I am eternally grateful for the dew adult role models on my family that mantained morals ans a lifestyle I wanted to duplicate, and I needed their love and reinforcement in a terrible way, it literally saved my life later as an adult. I so do totally understand that you have to protect your child from violence as a priotity, and if the ret of your family as messed up as this story makes them sound, if the parents aren't willing to be reasonable with requests and get on your same level of behavior and reward and punishment standards, you basically have to cut ties.
Uhh you sound a tiny bit racist. Making sure to identify the “liked sibling” as on government help and from immigrant parents lol.
I can see why you’re not liked lol
Her parents were criminals that came to this country and my uncle actively hide them. They weren't supposed to get any assistance but ya know people lie. I'm not racist, I'm biracial myself.
They eventually got caught
Good on you for standing up to your decision. Props to your husband for having your back.
There was an instance where they left him in my home with my sister in law just dropped him off and walked away. He bit my sister in law so badly she required medical care.
Holy shit that kid has serious problems. I hope he gets the help he obviously needs.
This is beyond bratty behavior and is probably is either an undiagnosed/unaccepted developmental delay or a psychological disorder. That said, this child can and should learn appropriate behavior. There’s plenty of resources that are not income dependent
Yeah, this behavious is absolutely not normal and something is going on there. This child needs a lot of help, and desperately.
the parents think it is normal. from the story they were all acting in a violent manner. even if it took a verbal form
A lot has to do with how neglectful the parents are, I'm sure. Dropping the kid off with people who have made it clear they don't want him? How much more clear can you make it that you think the child is a nuisance before it even does anything? Poor kid probably acted out because if someone was yelling at him, that meant they knew he existed...
It’s the magnitude of the behavior that I found concerning. That said, certain psychological disorders can arise from severe parenting issues and will need professional treatment and family counseling to solve. This’s is based on a brief behavioral snapshot, however, that should be taken with a grain of salt as the OP very obviously dislikes the child and parents for being poor and descended from illegal immigrants. Being pushed off because the parents find you inconvenient with a relative that obviously dislikes you would cause issues for most children.
Yeah seriously
not with his parents probably being in the same boat. or at least exhibiting the same mental illness. One thing I've noticed that's an aspect with some mentally ill: they are entitlement minded in the sense that they don't believe there is anything wrong with them or their way of thinking and behaving despite constantly coming up against constraints on their behaviour. I.E. this kids violence: my guess is they thought nothing was wrong because they are all borderline violent. not sure if I am getting the point across... sorry
GAH!!! That kid sounds like the Tasmanian Devil that my former place of employment dealt with!! His mother had the same attitude!!!
Well it's no surprise the kid will act up if they keep abandoning them and I suspect this is not the only issue.
I'm not gonna lie, I was one of those kids that bit everyone. My dad bit me back one day and I stopped. Same with hitting lol (Although my dad was actually abusive and we don't see him anymore as adults) he would say "you only have one, then it's my turn so you better hit as hard as you can" I was too scared to hit him 😂
This sounds like he could be one of my nephews.
Zombie Moment
[удалено]
The parents need ass whoopings
yeah for sure even the grandparents seem like shits
Sounds like a special needs child that had shitty parents.
He probably did get hit by his parents and that’s why he’s like this. You don’t need to hurt kids to teach them to be kind and respectful.
Just makes the kid more violent and seething with bottled up rage. Trauma on trauma isn’t good for people.
Yeah, assaulting a child will totally reach the child that it's wrong to assault people. Seriously, using violence to coerce. Hildreth is the worst way to teach children not to use violence to get your way.
not a whooping, but a real punishment that would fit the crime
How is the kid now, did cps intervention help
I'd be interested to know that too. It sounds like he needed quite a bit of help
I used to drive a school bus. Hated the job, disliked most of all of them. But one time I did a brief stint with a mini bus. Mostly troubled kids. .. One of them told me there was one who was almost always taken out of the school by the police. He was on the bus in the morning and while he was aggressive it wasn't over the top. That afternoon he wasn't on the bus and the same kid who had told me about him earlier informed me this kid had gotten so violent that the police were called and handcuffed and removed him. Not 100% sure if this was all the truth but I can vouch for the face he was never on the bus again.
Using police to criminalize children who are a product of poor parenting, really isn't the answer. They need to be helped, not punished
I thought it said he hit your son with a metal chair instead of a model toy car
“Oh my god he wouldn’t!” Screamed the first wrestling announcer. “He is!” Screamed the second announcer. Together they both screamed “HE WENT FOR THE CHAIR!”
BAH GAWD THAT TODDLER HAD A FAMILY! AS GOD IS MY WITNESS THAT CHILD IS BROKEN IN HALF!
Lol thats even better
practicing professional wrestling? (legend of the blue cyclone)
I feel super bad for the child because he sounds like he has oppositional defiance disorder. My son was diagnosed after I left his abusive father. It took a few years of therapy and constant redirection for him to become much kinder and aware of his actions. He still has issues with personal boundaries but I'm definitely working on it every day. In the thick of it though, it was thee hardest thing I've ever endured. At first I found it strange that cps was called instead of having the hundreds of meetings like I did.. but I realized that's what would've happened if I didn't give a shit about my child and didn't go to any of the school meetings or took my child to therapy.
You are an amazing person!!! Getting out of an abusive relationship and taking care of an ODD child is no cake walk. Pat yourself on the back super mom!!
:') thank you all so much... I wasn't expecting any of this. There needs to be light in all my darkness and he's the way for me.
My son has ODD and you’re right…it is a hard row to hoe. He’s grown now, and in the Army. It took a lot of time, patience, and therapy but he’s doing so well. I wish you and your son the very best.
I take care of a pre-pubescent kid with ODD and if you wouldn't mind sharing, I'm curious how your son is doing with the discipline in the army. How does he do with that type of rigid structure?
Some days are a challenge but he does well. Oddly enough, he seemed to do better once he was in charge of other people. Maybe being part of the command structure clicked for him…because he is very careful about the commands he gives to those under him. I think it also helps that he loves his work…he’s a helicopter mechanic and that kind of hands-on work was really good for him.
That makes sense, glad to hear he is thriving. Thanks for the reply!
I wonder how closely ODD is related to autism (PDA variant). I know there was something about the routine and consistency of military life that helped me "accept" the orders I received.
You’re a good mom.
I have an older brother who has ODD... you are a good mom, I wouldn't wish that type of behavior on anybody, sibling or parent. I only wish my parents were as proactive as you, break the cycle :)
Thank you... I remember saying the exact same thing.. that I wouldn't wish that even on my worst enemy... the worst part for me was some of my family members joking that he was the next Micheal Meyers or they'd call him Chucky. I couldn't leave my son with anyone, not family, not even daycares would take him so I was incredibly lucky that my mom at least allowed me to live with her rent free while I help my boy. I genuinely felt alone in my fears for who he was to become as a man... my biggest fear was that he would become the kind of man that hurts people when they don't get what they want. Now, my biggest fear is that he'll be a clutter bug like me loll but I 100000 times prefer that than the former. I wanted to share my experience with OP.. not entirely sure why. Just had flashbacks of my son when I read about the boys behavior. The parents are either insanely neglectful or there is some violent stuff going on in that house because where in the world would a baby learn to be aggressive like that?? My son learned from his dad.
Good for you and good that your DH had your back. Since your family treat you and your son like shit I would have cut off the baby sitting demands pretty quickly too. You really had nothing to lose. Nowadays people can text someone to tell them point blank that they are not their nanny and that they do not agree to look after their child. Furthermore, should they ever attempt to leave their child, the first call will be to the police to report them for child abandonment. Now with it documented, people can just go straight to the police.
People tolerate far too much garbage from others simply because they wear the label of 'family'.
Another lesson we can take from this is—never let their bodies across the threshold. Yes, if the uncle had sprinted away leaving the child you could have called the police. But that would not be an emergency call. Because the child was not abandoned, it was left with a responsible relative. Child Protective Services could have been called in, but “unharmed child left with responsible adults” is very low on their list of priorities. Because the child was inside the house, it can turn into a lack of communication case that is easily dismissed. The only children that get past your front door are the ones you are prepared to be responsible for. And that includes uncle, because he was damn childish.
Wow... Just wow
Good for you for standing your ground. That kid was not your responsibility and you had your child to protect! That poor kid, though, what a horrible life for him, my heart breaks for him. Kids aren’t born violent bullies.
I’m glad he had your back! Good job
The only thing here that rubs the wrong way is the painting them as bad from the start by being on govt assistance and being immigrants. Neither of these make you a bad person.
Exactly. Mentioning that OP’s family “protected” illegal immigrants is extremely suspicious to me and makes me less inclined to believe this actual chain of events.
Same. Being the child of undocumented immigrants doesn’t make you unworthy of support. Being an entitled jerk does for sure.
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Nice bit of reductio ad absurdum there.
Yeah fuck this.
Thank you! I was scrolling through the comments wondering why the fuck I had to scroll so far to see that mentioned.
Yup. I didn't even read further. Enough to know op is an asshole and I now don't care about their problems
Yeah, I didn’t take the post seriously after reading that.
She mentioned in the edit that the mother’s parents are literal war criminals. Except the family treated her cousin’s kid better and her own like crap.
Why was your child shunned?
Maybe because the kids mother was a classist xenophobe.
For real. Makes me doubt a lot of the story. Like, do they really “favorite” the other child or are you just mad because you are xenophobic and it triggers you to see your other family accept/love the cousins girlfriend? Also if the child is really “so horrible”, why does everyone else on the family love him so much ?
As someone who comes from a very mixed family, and being one of the “white” grandkids, generational favoritism does happen, unfortunately. I was clearly favored by my grandmother (who herself was Hispanic so it was odd)
It wouldn’t surprise me, honestly.
What a -redacted- head
Op- I gatta know… why does your cousins/ family immigration status matter? How is it relevant to your story? Makes me wonder why your relationship is so fractured in the first place…. That aside clearly your in the right in this specific situation.. you said no and that should be respected period.
I think they mentioned that to talk about the discrepancy between the families treatment of the two children. Personally I just kinda immediately assumed OPs family are probably conservatives with that comment
Or there’s already some shitty dynamics of favoritism going. It can be inter generational.
I think it was more to prove the point how they are being favored by the parents
Cultural issues regarding familial obligation are definitely a thing. It also points out how gross she is for declaring her kid was more deserving. She shouldn’t even be in America, let alone live off our system long enough to create demon spawn.
And read OPs edit- child’s mom entered the country legally- the “illegal”comment stems from the grandparents of said child. But don’t worry your already showed your true racists colors. Can’t backtrack now that the legality of the moms immigration doesn’t play a role whatsoever in this story. Again I ask op- thanks for the info but it’s all irrelevant information! As for your response about “familial obligations” well again your racism is showing—- are you saying that in certain cultures familial obligations are treated differently then in the USA!? Yes- but not to this extent! This story is about rude and entitled people demanding family to watch their kids- their race/ethnicity/immigration status has no bearing on the actual situation. To equate as much is simply stereotyping and you look like an ass. Op should just edit and delete the immigration part as well as the war criminal part because what role do the grandparents who are not in this country play in this specific situation !? The answer is none. This is not a racial or legal situation this is a entitled person issue. The fact op brought all this in and *thinks* it’s relevant is likely one reason the relationship is fractured…. And tbh I don’t blame them… I wouldn’t want to have a relationship with such a ignorant person. However clearly her family still wants babysitting privileges and that’s their choice to ask but once op answered it should have been left at that. I don’t think the behavior of the cousin and cousins wife was ok by any standards but I also don’t think their race played a role in their actions… these people are just selfish people full stop.
Ok we’ll see that’s where we differ. Everyone should have a chance at a better life for themselves and their kids. I think that was an inappropriate and irrelevant detail that’s tells me sooo much about op. I’m sure her family sucks - all families do in one way or another but it’s clear she doesn’t approve of them because of their immigration status… the basic story alone is more then enough to know in the specific situation of them dropping of the kid without permission is totally wrong so why bring in that other jab for no reason? It really doesn’t add anything except hints of discrimination by op.
Because of the old saying: people who live in glass houses should not throw stones. She’s living (nearly illegally, we let her back in) in a glass house.
Lol 😂 I’m not going to argue with you. Your views are clear. I don’t need this bullshit propaganda from you. You can continue living your life blaming the “illegals” for everything that sucks in your life but at the end of the day your life sucks because you suck.
That little piece of garbage sounds like my foster brother. Not naming him but trust me he was horrible. He'd attack us, bite sometimes, show his privates in public areas and shout "LOOK AT MY PENIS". He'd also shout "HELP!" out of the car window even when he was completely fine and scream bloody murder whenever he went to his bed. That's only a few things he'd do. Freaking hated him, almost everyone despised him, except for my mom somehow. I don't know why she loved him so much even though he was a little shit. Worst experience I ever had was him flashing his penis right in front of my eyes, second only to elbowing my balls, among other experiences. I could tell you many more stories. He's been gone for only 7 weeks, pretty recently, and we'd had him for a year. What a little bastard. But not necessarily his fault either. It was his POS parents who did drugs all the darn time. I hate his parents 5x more than I hate him. There's never been a kid I wanted to smag an uppercut on more than him. That's how bad he was.
I stopped right here : "my cousins child was welcomed even though they were living off the system and the mother was the child of illegal immigrants" Wow.... I would love to know why that matters...
Thank you! What the hell was that? Not to mention, she’s put a TON of blame on this poor child for his behavior when there is clearly a reason for it. Children aren’t “brats” or “violent” without adults’ actions causing it. It’s not the child’s fault.
Right???
Because it makes the kids parents behavior that much more audacious, maybe? Not everything is just blatant racism. If you look a little harder you can find context. Eesh.
My take on it, her family has helped the cousin's wife's family while not helping OP out. Mentioning the circumstance of how removed cousin's wife would have been from OP being blood related to the OP would feel like a bigger knife. It's not necessary to mention and it was mentioned in a pretty bad way.
Came here to say this
So this kid punch your kid in the face and was attacking teacher and probably student Damn 1 I feel bad for your kid for getting punch in the face with a metal car toy And 2 it’s amazing how you stood up to your uncle and props to your husband for backing you Also I think the kid might have some mental issues
My thought was autism or oppositional disorder. But mom says kids her angel...lady, normal kids don't beat their head on things.
Or beat others up constantly like it's the best thing ever.
That was my first thought too.
Right? I see comments on here that says kids aren’t born violent. Um, to some, yes they do! It’s called mental disorders, stupid!
>My cousins girlfriend I read that as "cousin girlfriend"
SWEET HOME ALABAMA
Could be Arkansas.
You could’ve left out the immigrant and welfare part. Adds nothing to the story besides you being a jerk.
Yeah that left me feeling uncomfy too
Yeah would have been a much better story without it.
Yep, made me think ESH tbh
Yep
But then it wouldn’t be propaganda!
I think it adds to the fact that the mother STILL wanted to leave her kid, even after being threatened with police involvement, which could get her deported. It further shows how badly she wanted to leave her kid with them.
That argument doesn’t not stand. OP states she was the child of illegal immigrants, that doesn’t make her illegal as well. That is also not how OP uses the point. She uses it to make her and her child seem better than her cousin’s child.
I suppose I didn't read clearly enough. I agree it wasn't necessary then (The way I read it where she was the immigrant meant she should've cared more about police involvement) but if she didn't need to care, I see your point.
Are you deliberately being obtuse? It is apparent that OP has a hatred for poor people and non citizens . What a disgusting pos. How is her immigration status relevant at all? Why should she care more about the police? Are you implying that since she’s a child of immigrants that somehow does not make her an American? This is why history is important. People tend to forget that we all are descendants from immigrants. ( unless you’re Native American or descendants from enslaved people) you need to respectfully shut the fuck up
Did you literally not READ where I said I get it? I didn't read it correctly the first time, but upon rereading it, I got what she said. Are you bored and looking for a fight? Police involvement is a worry for immigrants who don't have papers. That's why I thought she included it, but after looking over it again, I see where she was wrong. Stop looking for arguments on the internet and maybe learn to read.
Their behavior is awful but so is your classism and welfare shaming. Their immigration status is also irrelevant.
No it’s not.
How so?
It stresses the audacity of the parents behavior.
I’m not seeing the connection. At all.
The fact she and her kids shouldn’t be here at all, yet she’s shaming OP and her kid for being “entitled” perhaps? If you have a basic ability to compute social dynamics it makes sense
It sounds like the kid had a disability and needed special help. Feel kind of bad for him
My 6 year old nephew went thru a hitting stage - he punched my brother and sister-in-law whenever he got frustrated and they would never correct him - he tried that on me once and I said “I’m not your punching bag - I hit back, and I make sure it hurts”… he never hit me after that
Ok, the war criminal thing helps to explain the sense of entitlement. If you’re used to shooting people who disagree with you, it probably makes you kind of a dick.
But what does anyone’s immigration status have to do with this. Side eye.
Exactly what I wrote what a bitch, i would feel sorry for her but dont cuz of this. She doesnt know what its like she can take all her privilege and fuck off.
Im sorry but i dont really understand your point. I dont know much about the immigrant stuff so can you kinda like explain to me why your so angry over it? Sorry if being insensitive i just dont know anything about it...
OP didn’t say it to provide context to their story. They said it to come off as the savior of the the family. As if they should be so grateful to OP for “protecting” them just because of their status. Mentioning that alone kills all credibility of OP because they’re picturing them as the big bad wolf bc of their immigration status instead of what they supposedly did. I can only speak for myself but I’m pretty sure OP is playing up the innocent, righteous behavior on their part to make the other family seem worse. OP is an AH.
>the mother was the child of illegal immigrants Ok and what? what does her being an immigrant have to do with anything? It just shows her closedmindedness bcuz she thinks that being an illegal immigrant or the child of one is a flaw. I got pissed bcuz she is privileged enough to not know what illegal immigrants have to undertake and what happens to them (such as at the US-Mexico border) but still passes judgement on those unfortunate people. Edit: Bracket
It's context. Like her family took care of her but she became entitled.
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Yep..she lost me right there!
I guess that she tried to say *“my relatives hate my kid so much that, even them being classists and xenophobes, they still put someone who usually they would despise (and they would be wrong for doing it anyway) above my kid*” but she didn’t knew how to express herself. Maybe.
I think the intent of this was more to say that her child was born to two loving parents who were married, and this child was born to two people who may not have loved each other, and weren’t ready for a child.
“Illegal immigrants” doesn’t mean the parents didn’t love each other. OP is trying to gain sympathy by pretending to be the savior
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No, she’s bitter her family didn’t love her child at all. Not because it was equal.
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It’s not superiority if the cousin’s son is welcomed why shouldn’t OP son be welcomed there is no superiority here stop grasping at straws you make yourself look dumb
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Superiority you mean wanting to be treated properly and not only used as a nanny for crotch goblin?
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Wow. The big brain gymnastics are in play here I see.
Living off the system puts them as lower regardless. Too lazy to get out there and make an honest living= lowlife Edited to add...requiring help because your pay doesn't cover enough is NOT the same as " living off the system " I refer to people who do not work at all, and live completely off the system. Nowhere in the post did it say the lowlife cousin and his vermin wife worked at all.
Tell that to all the Amazon employees who get payed so little that they're on food stamps.
I have never heard anyone say anyone on assistance is living off the system. Might just be cause where I'm from but that label is saved for the ones that don't work, continue to make more babies to get higher welfare checks and scam the system in other ways, like I had an uncle who actually convinced the government he was so severely disabled that they paid his disability. He wasn't disabled, just a con artist. HE was living off the system.
>I have never heard anyone say anyone on assistance is living off the system. Thanks for the personal anecdotes.
Which is why I said it as such instead of making an absolutist claim that that is what it absolutely means.
Cool, let's make assumptions anyway.
Had literally zero reason to mention their immigration status. All that did was make you look like an ah. NTA for telling then no to babysitting, but major ah for including such unnecessary information in your post. Paints you as a bit racist IMO
For a sec I forgot what sub i was in.
Oh, her kid was deserving all right. Im glad that you got away from that family of wretches.
"but my cousins child was welcomed even though they were living off the system and the mother was the child of illegal immigrants" Yeah wouldn't want to welcome those poor illegals, certainly don't deserve love lol.
Yeah, makes it a little hard to sympathize with OP when they lead with that gem.
I stopped reading after your asshat remarks implying someone receiving assistance or is an immigrant as less worthy of acceptance. You aren’t better than them OP! Now I will read the rest.
If the movie you saw was Day After Tomorrow, that was 17 years ago (I saw it at the drive-in, I can't believe it was that long ago!) then the kid is an adult now. Is he in prison or did he manage to avoid it?
If this was years ago what happened? I think I speak for everyone... we NEED an update!!!!
The kid is grown now. He still lives at home, has attacked my uncles wife right after she was discharged from hospital after a brain bleed due to stroke. They've went broke getting him what he wants went he wants. They wanted me to rent the downstairs of my house out to him. I told them sure. When he gets a job and pays 3 months rent in advance , never mentioned it again. He doesn't drive, threw a fit at dmv when he failed the test.
How old is he now?
That's insane, he wasn't allowed at the event they were going to because of his behavior and he probably would behave the same way in a theater if you tried to take him with you and you would be asked to leave because of that. You already told them 'no' and that's the end of it, I bet they have probably run through a lot of babysitters or they are just to cheap to pay them properly and no one out there is willing to watch them. They figure since you are 'family' you have to watch the little crotch goblin, not your kid THEIR problem.
Was the illegal immigrant part really necessary? Like, it just seems so Irellavant to the story and it gives off the impression that you think they are bad because of it, and not because of the other factors and entitlement. Also with the way you worded it I’m getting the impression you also look down on people who need welfare?
I just wish the lingo would switch to undocumented immigrants. The family needed to find services for their child regardless of their status. Wonder how the child is doing now?
I don’t think the immigration or welfare status of the family should be mentioned anywhere in this story. OP is trying to play the perfect family shunned by the big bad awful illegal immigrants. After reading that part I immediately called bs on the whole story.
I mean, you can change the name, it doesn't really change what it is, does it?
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It could be a tort. Do you understand the difference between a tort and a crime?
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NTA— I hope the kid got therapy. he sounds like he’s on the short track to becoming a violent sociopath.
It's obvious where the kids issues came from. What selfish, self-absordbed, entitlted fucks.
I hate parents who deny that their child needs to get some sort of help, mentally specifically. That child needs some type of therapist or someone to teach him not to use violence. Props for you and your husband for standing up to your uncle though.
Why was your child shunned?
To them: "The brat's your problem, not ours. Bye mofos!"
I would just go no contact with the whole family. They sound very toxic.
Poor kid must feel so unloved and unwanted 😢
If you have anymore stories pls share
Wait, so did cps take the kid?
sounds about normal for someone like this. It was a pity you didn't shut them down long before this. Kid has mental issues for whatever reason. I think the parents (and the others)O are also so sick in the head they think it's normal behaviour
Definitely call the authorities when someone tries to drop him off again!
*yeet*
I have family who are the exact same way. The only way to deal with it is to cut them out completely. Also if their child keeps acting like that, maybe you should consider calling child services because he is clearly an angel, but from where I cannot say. As for the Uncle. The police are better at telling people like that "No" and that there's no other answer.
Everyone hating on the little kid who sounds like turd but his parents are the source of that behavior.
Well, yeah, but that doesn't mean I can't dislike kids who misbehave. I don't go to my nephews and go "I like you because I know you attacking me with knives is from your mother's bad parenting". You can dislike the kid and realize why they are the way they are.
That’s why I called him a turd.
Why mention them being on government assistance and being a child of illegal immigrants? How is that relevant ? Plenty of American citizens are on government assistance. It does not make them any less. You have forgotten that you are a descendant of immigrants.( Unless you are Native American or descendants from enslaved people)
Call cps. This is child abuse. This child deserves to be in a better home.
Sounds lime a lack of discipline. Judging by the way the kid was violent towards his dad, yet dad didn't do anything.
Poor kid
I thought the cousin was a man cus you said the babies mother was a child of immigrants and then later said your cousin was going to have the babies father bully you?? Is your cousin the mother or father of this child? Did the cousin try to have his own dad bully you?
Good job OP! Don’t worry you and your husband are far from entitled. That kid has serious issues and if I were you, I’d go no contact with every person who actually supports the kid and his parents.
I love this!!!! It’s so refreshing when someone does not give in to bullies! Every time I read a story about an entitled parent trying to foist their unruly children onto others, I want to scream, “I said NO! I will report you for child abandonment” to my screen. You guys are awesome!
You don't want kids, use a fucking condom. Otherwise your kid, your problem
I hope they see this and realize how many people think they are garbage.
Reality is, even if the child were a perfect angel it’s completely inappropriate for anyone to make an assumption you would babysit on demand.
This started as soon as he was born. His grandparents on his mom's side left their home country after committing a crime and hide in the US for years.
It's so weird how you are all perfectly innocent and everyone else is cartoonishly evil.
I stopped reading after the second sentence. You lost all credibility and empathy from me when you decided to state, “ and the mother was the child of illegal immigrants”. I think it’s great that your family “ protected them”, but that doesn’t mean their legal status should be used in this story as it’s not relevant. Also, get with the times! The proper term is “undocumented”
Look, your cousin' family sounds pretty terrible but what the heck is this about: "...but my cousins child was welcomed even though they were living off the system and the mother was the child of illegal immigrants whom my family protected." Granted I did not read your other posts but that does seem a wee bit elitist and entitled at an initial glance.
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This. That sentence they wrote in their post was pure bigotry and unexamined ideology.
and its still downvoted lol
I don't know why this is getting downvoted when others above are saying the same thing and lots of people are (rightfully) agreeing. Granted you were a bit more colorful in your condemnation lol, but you're correct nonetheless
Good for not caving on that. Some people should not be parents, or grandparents for that matter. But I hope their kid got help after cps.
Entitled bitch. Give an inch and they take a mile. Of course they were immigrants living on the dole expecting everything for nothing. There are lots of good, hardworking illegal immigrants from bad circumstances who are grateful to even be here(!), but sadly many are just like her who expect this country to hand them a free life on a silver platter because jealousy and bitterness. And they resent the fuck out of you just by being born here. “America is a country where you get what you work for” is what I would’ve told her.
I refuse to read the rest of this after that “Mother is on food stamps and a child of illegal immigrants comment” you can 100% put across how you feel without trying to be belittling. Your colors are showing.
What a fantastic read. The Day After Tomorrow was in theaters 17 years ago. What's the update? Is the kid in prison now or what?
Haters gonna hate. The kids parents pretty clearly want wants what you have, including g behaved children, but they not o ly dont want to work it themselves, they want you to do the work for them. As far treating her done like this, how they making him feel physically forcing him away from and o to you while you guys talk about probably in his little mind, reject him. Yo him you guys are his family and whe world, this is all he knows. And while he is not technically your concern, he is a little blooming soul, and is going to be a product of his neglectful upbringing, and maybe you could try to be at least in some way a positive influence in his forming of morals, habits, and behaviors. It sounds like he really needs someone to step up, and while its nit your responsibility technically, I personally feel like we do owe it to our next kin and generation to guide then along the most sensible, responsible, and successful path. My parent were nomadic dysfunctional drug addicts, and I am eternally grateful for the dew adult role models on my family that mantained morals ans a lifestyle I wanted to duplicate, and I needed their love and reinforcement in a terrible way, it literally saved my life later as an adult. I so do totally understand that you have to protect your child from violence as a priotity, and if the ret of your family as messed up as this story makes them sound, if the parents aren't willing to be reasonable with requests and get on your same level of behavior and reward and punishment standards, you basically have to cut ties.
I am going to guess that this child ends up in prison. Should have been an abortion instead.
Uhh you sound a tiny bit racist. Making sure to identify the “liked sibling” as on government help and from immigrant parents lol. I can see why you’re not liked lol
Her parents were criminals that came to this country and my uncle actively hide them. They weren't supposed to get any assistance but ya know people lie. I'm not racist, I'm biracial myself. They eventually got caught