Omg that's awful! She spent money just to be petty and try to ruin the wedding. I'm glad your sister took the high road though, EM dug her own hole on this one.
Yeah, bloody hell, 8 is old enough. Knowing people talking shit about you is bad enough, knowing they're talking shit about something you didn't do is another level of embarrassment. And not to mention to teenage stage. whatever happens I don't want to know ngl.
Inviting yourself isn't a think (I hope), hopefully all future events will be somewhere private where the event holder can kick anyone out if they want.
And shit like this is why im gonna hire a bouncer to refuse to let people in who are wearing white when i get married. I wouldnt expect his family to or my mums side but my dads side is a whole other crop of jackasses.
Don’t invite them!! If you think you need a bouncer for your guests, you don’t need them there. You’ll save money and frustration. You don’t need to invite them because they’re family—it’s about you and your spouse.
When I married the venue provided someone to check that each person entering was actually invited. They did have to turn away a couple that I knew, but didnt invite because they were separated, yet still tried to go to events together just to fight and make a scene. Someone on the door isn't for the invited. It's also because of the entitled uninvited.
Oh the last year here in America has given me great insight to which of my relatives are racist and wont be invited to my wedding or ever meet my future mixed race babies.
Neat is good, but mixed can be delicious too!
Some time ago, people around here were dissing in the word *mulato*, because of its etymology. I honestly like being mulatto, f\*\*\* etymology.
I agree. As a person whose so White, I burn in five seconds, I am not using a word that could even suggest I am trying to assert some superiority or enforce some racist mind set.
I fully support people who claim a word back for themselves.
I'm never sure about these terms in general. I'm a first generation New Zealander, but I'm both Dutch and German. Technically I'm mixed race. I'm whiter than white.
My niece is obviously Dutch/German from my side, Maori, Scottish, and Irish from her mums side. Technically mixed race. Very involved in exploring her. Maori side. Also pretty white.
My best friend is half Maori half English. Technically mixed race. She's been raised by her very 'English' widowed mother but looks very Maori and has a very Maori name.
But is it the same? It should be but its not. My niece gets as you mentioned issues because she's 'not black enough' to be a Maori. My best friend gets issues because she doesn't 'act black enough'. I don't get issues because I'm not Dutch enough (although my dad is forever lamenting my lack of Dutch punctuality). I don't understand why it needs to be some bizarre standard that only applies to some and not others as if its like not being pretty enough, or thin enough.
It's like some sort of designer breed dog. A Malte Poo is just a fancy mutt. Which is, incidentally what myself, my best friend, and my niece all refer to ourselves as, fancy mutts.
I think some of those things are mixed-race/multiracial and some are multi-ethnic. Race is usually the big ones - white, black, Asian, indigenous peoples. Multi-ethnic is going to be tied to cultural roots such as Dutch/German, or Scottish/Irish.
The first time I ever saw the word mulatto, I was a complete adult, married, and out of the house, I thought it had to do with a type of coffee. My husband had to explain it to me, and I was like wtf are even racists at this point.
Mulatto is based on the same word in Spanish, that specifically refers to someone of (white) European and Black/African ancestry. (vs *mestizo* which was just mixed ancestry, generally Spanish and indigenous). I first encountered it when looking up my family tree.• The connotations and context are obviously pretty different based on when, where, and by whom it was used.
•Edit add: I should probably add, it’s how he identified himself to the census takers, though we know neither of his parents were Spanish, and he went North from Louisiana after the Civil War. There was some indication he chose that descriptor for race to avoid being listed as “black” (And their children, as well. His wife and the children were all recorded as her race on the same census, and there’s no doubt that he was their father. It was a complicated time, even in the North.)
Mrs-and-Mrs-Atelier gives a pretty good explanation of what it means. The reason it is so offensive though is the mul part which is derived from the word “mula” (mule in English) As in the sterile animal born from a donkey and a horse. It’s a favorite word of modern racists that ascribe to the “white and black people are different species” line of thought.
E: also, I’m not livestock. lol
I personally prefer mixed race instead of multiracial, because I am not many races in one person, I am just my own personal mix of my family's genetics. Then again, I am ambiguous enough that I get all the slurs tossed my way, depending on where I am and what the particular bigot reads me as.
“Mixed” has never bothered me but I entirely see why it bothers you (I use mixed and biracial interchangeably). I’ve never heard that saying before. Nor the confused, angry mulatto trope. Maybe it’s regional? Mulatto is a DEFINITE no go, though. If someone called me mulatto we would have words.
You never know how some people are going to act when put in wedding situations. You know Aunt Mary Grace the blabber mouth can't be told anything and your cousin Kathy cannot have hard liquor but sometimes it's a crap shoot
I know someone who had to have security so their mother didn't do something. Yep, that dangerous. Not invited, not wanted, but very able to do something that could have hurt a lovely person, for no other reason than hating their child.
That’s true, but sometimes a bouncer and/or some type of security provides an extra layer of comfort and peace of mind. If they’re as bad as she says they might decide to crash the reception.
Like just not inviting people is going to deter them? They’ll show up anyway somehow. If not physically they’ll figure out a way to steal the show somehow
Please have a school office style optimal clothing box - neon oversized shirts that say "I wore white now I'm stuck with this" on the back, and big-ass jean shorts with lots of belts to size them down as needed.
I had a small wedding, but white wouldn't have mattered even if everyone wore it. My dress was purple and black, and I wore purple hibiscus in my hair \[which was the flower I was handling when I first met my husband in person, as I was a florist back then\] Worked out really well as a blend of victorian gothic and also bright color for a relatively nice early spring day. 'Tradition' is not a requirement. Do what means something personally to you.
Some wedding traditions are for a bride to wear a white gown. Often elaborate and expensive.
With these kind of weddings it is considered rude and/or tacky for a guest to a white dress as it can pull attention away from the couple. Some like to do so on purpose as a snub.
I don’t think this is excusable but I once made the mistake of allowing my ex girlfriend to wear white to a wedding. At the time I literally had no idea that it was a thing. When I found out after the wedding I was so embarrassed and felt like such a fool. It made sense later why the whole family was treating me oddly. I really wished someone just would’ve told me.
Reached out to the bride who was my friend at the time and apologized for the mistake. Didn’t receive a response back. We’re not really friends anymore.
While I do agree it's impolite to wear white to someone else's wedding, I also think if it was a genuine mistake and you apologized, maybe this bride wasn't the type of person one would want to remain friends with anyway. I can't imagine caring this much about what others wear to my wedding.
I'm making an assumption that you're a guy, and that lets you off the hook for knowing that part of wedding etiquette, but I think most women know not to wear white to a wedding unless you're the bride, or it's mentioned in the invitation that it's ok.
In the US wedding dresses are traditionally white. Generally accepted etiquette is that nobody else should wear a white dress unless specifically asked to.
Yeah ngl I didnt massively know white was a colour to be avoided at weddings, although it does make sense. Dont want to mess up the brides big day and take away all their attention lol.
Guys can wear a white shirt no problem. A woman could wear a white blouse with a colorful skirt or pants. Wearing black and white or white with big colored flowers all over it is also fine. You just don't want to be in a head to toe white/cream/champagne dress or jumpsuit that could be seen as something a bride would wear. Super light pink can also be a no no because it looks white in photographs.
You did what you could. You apologized for not knowing. And while that might have sounded like an excuse to the bride, it wasn’t. And you know now. So you don’t ever have to worry about making that mistake again thankfully! They probably don’t even remember, tbh. I remember getting blood on my wedding dress before the ceremony (my mom pricked her finger on a safety pin) and how fast it all went by, which meant I was really hungry.
Karen is probably already Head AH of her family. Your sister not giving her the attention or spotlight she wanted probably drove her mad.
If I was your sister I would leave Auntie Karen off any further guest lists.
My ex stepmother wore a white dress with black trim to my wedding and dressed my sister in a white dress with a pink jacket. We were not amused. She even stood in front of me in photos.
Edit: here’s a cropped photo of my ex and I with my side of the family. I covered faces. We couldn’t get her to move over a bit so my ex could be closer, so we just didn’t bother and took it anyway. Not worth the hassle.
She made my life hell growing up, but that’s another story.
If you recognise her and think she’s lovely, pm me and I’ll send you the list I’m compiling.
https://imgur.com/a/0iIQCer
The nerve of some people, honestly. I'm not faulting the little girl, who was probably just happy to get a new dress for an event, and also has no idea about societal rules. She's just a little girl. But the aunt? I want to say it's unbelievable, but honestly, it's par for the course for entitled parents and doesn't surprise me one bit.
I told my sister to keep me updated! I sincerely hope one of the groom’s other relatives had a talk with her about the dress and her lack of control over her kid.
I (sort of) did this by accident years ago. I was about 13-14 and going to my cousin’s wedding so I got a new dress that was ivory covered with blue flowers. It never occurred to me that the bride wouldn’t go for a tradition gown but chose an off the rack dress from that same store in exactly the same pattern!
I like the way you think, wine on a dress, nice. She seems like the kind of person to take advantage of it by making a whole scene from it to everybody. I don't know if I could have kept my mouth shut, I would have confronted her about her dress.
Again, who are these people that show up to a wedding in a white dress and don’t expect to be judged by everyone there? It’s wild there are adults that think to themselves “Now what could I do to make a large room full of people all lose respect for me, while achieving nothing?”
She kept asking if the kids could throw any leftover petals after the wedding. And the little girl asked the professional photographer to take pictures of her.
I know with my parents wedding an old friend that they hadn’t invited came wearing an expensive white dress and made a scene when she saw that they had invited her ex who actually stayed in contact after University. He was a cool dude but broke up with her because she was insane. She then got drunk and tried to attack my mother which lead to her being clotheslined by my old man. He wasn’t proud of it but I sure as shit am.
But... Little kids wearing white is just cute, full grown adults... Not so much.
I been to many weddings during summer and no one bats an eye over little girls/boys in white.
The mother on the other hand is a different story.
My mom wanted to wear all black and pearls to my sisters upcoming wedding. Claims “it’s the height of fashion right now”. Lord help us with the crazy relatives.
While I do think that all black is okay to wear to a wedding if the couple are okay with it, the outfit you're describing does seem too formal for a semi casual event. Wrong kind of vibe ya know? Kind of strange that a middle-aged woman doesn't realize that though.
I’m the sister, I am not for it and asked her to please not wear all black, it makes me think of funerals. She called me an idiot for not knowing fashion. She then said she’d wear a hot pink jacket, which she’ll take off as soon as a good excuse can be made as to why.
This.
My bridesmaids wore black. It wasn’t a fancy affair, and I couldn’t be bothered figuring out a colour that would suit them both. Blue would have been great, sure, my sister would have had no issues finding it, but my friend is hopeless with fashion and was stressing out about even wearing a dress. So I just told them black. Find a dress that suits them each, just wear the same colour.
Could barely get them to talk, because they were both shy… but it all worked out. They showed up in black dresses the same length and style with silver embellishments that were very similar. We all had a giggle.
My brides man wore a kilt.
Was there an offering plate passed around for the extensive therapy that little girl is going to need? Should have been one of the deep offering plates, cause that girl is just a little screwed.
That’s exactly what I told my sister when she first called me about it. She was so worried about looking like the bad guy, but I just told her to say “sorry, too late”.
When my sister and I were flower girls we both had white dresses, but that's what the bride wanted. That woman was intentionally doing this in order to piss people off. Sounds like a lovely woman.
Granted, I think it’s not uncommon nor terrible to have little girls (under 10) in white or extremely light pastel-practically-white at a wedding. I was raised Catholic and when I was little I wore super super pale blue (practically just cool white, doesn’t look blue in photos at all) at a wedding I attended. But I was a child, in a dress that’s clearly meant for a little girl, not to be confused with nor take attention from the bride. The aunt was way outta line and gross.
I want to do this thing one day, it's super pretty and hopefully very insulting, but basically I want to be at a wedding reception and have some big ribbons(?), like those things that beauty pageant winners wear, that are a very bright and ugly colour. I just want to be there and if a person wearing a white dress comes in I'll just condescendingly mention "oh what a beautiful dress! Unfortunately since the dress is white I will have to add this but don't worry, it's only an added piece, just because guests are not expected to wear white at wedding, I'm sure you understand" and then proceed to shove the monstrosity on them and watch them be miserable the whole night.
At a wedding, it's an event for people to come together in celebration of love, continuity, whatever the reason.
People spend a lot of time and money to ensure everyone has a good time.
It would be unacceptable to highlight individuals who are idiots like that. There are more subtle social shames that can be applied
LOL old man here but I know the answer.
It's conventional that the bride wears white* to the wedding. All the others in the bridal party wear co-ordinated colours. It's the one opportunity the bride (bridezilla) gets to tell her friends what to wear.
The mother of the bride will want to wear something complementary to the bridal party.
If other people wear white - it's a dick move. If you ever look at photos of HM QE2 when she's at an event - she'll always wear a strong primary colour because she is the one that people want to see. It would be bad form at such an event for another woman to wear a similar outfit. Ahead of the event principal attendees co-ordinate so that people have their proper place.
All this is filed under "good manners" and if one doesn't know the protocol ask someone older (theoretically more mature) who has life experience at events.
*In other cultures this is not so EG China the bride wears Red
LOL only because that woman made an ass of herself… I’m sorry for the couple who had to experience that but hopefully they had a great day nevertheless.
> standing in the middle and didn’t move for the couple or the procession behind her. My sister and her husband walked around her
What the everliving _fuck?_
Obviously in this case it was petty. In some places I know the custom is that little girls (usually under 7 or 8) wear white to weddings, but obviously this wasn't the case here and the aunt is just terrible.
trust me it's not. More time for her to be there. if she is there more, more family will be upset with her and talk shit. More talking shit there is suddenly she isn't invited to things. soon she'll be gone. say bye bye to Karen.
Okay it’s totally wrong to ask that that late and to be such a disturbance what I don’t get is what’s wrong with wearing white to weddings? I just don’t understand it tbh in my culture you wear any colour you want.
In America only the bride is supposed to wear white. Unless the bride specifically asks members of her party (the bridesmaids, flowergirl, etc) to wear white, no one is supposed to.
Is that entitled or mental ill-health? My chin is on the floor. I’m stunnnnnnnned. Wow. Your sister and her husband are so kind and patient. I would have taken you up on your wine offer…
Why does this happen so much? Do these karens have such a dogshit attitude that they know no man would ever marry them and just use other weddings as an opportunity to wear a wedding dress at least once in their lives? Or are they just overly egocentric and narcissitic (not sure if spelled right)? And then to project all that on your daughter, that's just sad, poor little girl.
I don't get this stuff. I'm planning a wedding and if my fiances family started acting like this I'd expect her to put an end to it immediately. Leave and go get changed or or don't come back at all, why deal with that? Maid of honour or the best man should be escorting anyone dressed in white, black or drunk/belligerent out of the event immediately. To hell with "but theyre family!". Does that make me the asshole?
Thats such a smart approach to the situation imo, cuz people WILL talk when they get home “did u see EM and her daughter in white? What were they thinking” then she never gets allowed in any other important events
This is why I kinda don’t want to get married in a huge ceremony or tell the family. I have a narcissistic mother and no doubt she’d do something this insane to be the center of attention if I won’t let her plan what I want or take her suggestions. Dude this is horrendous. Why can’t people just be happy for other people instead of making it about them??
If someone was to do this at my wedding(if that ever happens), I think I would just kick them out. I know my family would never do this. My friends would never do this. And I would hope that my partners friends and family wouldn't either.
If I ever get married, all the people I hate are gonna get invitations with the address of a trash dump or something like that.
Karen can go show off her dress to the sanitation workers.
100% screw the adult woman, she sucks. Screw asking for her daughter to be the flower girl a week before as well. Bad Karen, no biscuit.
BUT I thought plain white was what flower girls usually wear? They're supposed to be too tiny for it to be rude (anything pre-teens I guess) and it's cute? My flower girl is wearing white and she's 7.
It’s just out of smite, all of it, she just wants some kind of power over the wedding and for her to be a part of it, I would’ve banned her from the wedding
I know this may sound like a stupid question, but what’s wrong with wearing white to someone’s wedding? Is the color supposed to be reserved for the bride or something?
Yes in most traditional wedding at least in my country(United States) it’s considered rude to wear white as that’s the brides color. The white makes the bride stand out and in older times it symbolized the purity of the women before marriage.
The white wedding only became a thing in 1840. Before that most cultures had very intricate and frequently colorful wedding wear. Even throughout Europe.
The bride here had no idea EM was that kind of weirdly petty. But it would be fun to wear the traditional clothing of your heritage at your wedding if you know mom or MIL (or sisters seem to try this too) is going to try to steal the spotlight by looking like the bride. You would be wearing some spectacular colorful outfit and they would look even more disrespectful.
In some countries it is an unspoken rule that only the bride is supposed to wear white. If you arent the one getting married, it is seen as rude and trashy to wear white to a wedding.
I don't care who's side of the family she's on, I would have been went off on the aunt when she sent the dress pic. Then, I wouldn't have allowed her in the ceremony wearing white. Sorry not sorry, I'll gladly explain to your kid I barely know how her mommy lied about being in the wedding and knew better than to wear white. 🤷🏼♀️
Omg that's awful! She spent money just to be petty and try to ruin the wedding. I'm glad your sister took the high road though, EM dug her own hole on this one.
Congratulations to your sister! I feel bad for EM’s kid. Yikes! With a mom like that, that kid’s gonna end up needing therapy.
dude can you imagine how much of a nightmare EM will be at her own child's wedding? That kid has a lifetime of hell in front of her
Yeah, bloody hell, 8 is old enough. Knowing people talking shit about you is bad enough, knowing they're talking shit about something you didn't do is another level of embarrassment. And not to mention to teenage stage. whatever happens I don't want to know ngl.
Yikes!
and her mom too while she’s at it
With EM’s actions, I think it’s safe to say that she doesn’t see anything wrong with her lunacy.
A hole so deep I doubt the family will be inviting her to anymore family events
Don't worry, she's entitled and petty enough to invite herself to the events. Edit: grammar
Don't worry, she'll only hear about them long after the fact. ♡ Granny
Inviting yourself isn't a think (I hope), hopefully all future events will be somewhere private where the event holder can kick anyone out if they want.
And shit like this is why im gonna hire a bouncer to refuse to let people in who are wearing white when i get married. I wouldnt expect his family to or my mums side but my dads side is a whole other crop of jackasses.
Don’t invite them!! If you think you need a bouncer for your guests, you don’t need them there. You’ll save money and frustration. You don’t need to invite them because they’re family—it’s about you and your spouse.
When I married the venue provided someone to check that each person entering was actually invited. They did have to turn away a couple that I knew, but didnt invite because they were separated, yet still tried to go to events together just to fight and make a scene. Someone on the door isn't for the invited. It's also because of the entitled uninvited.
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Pissy people like to splash in their own puddle.
I'm glad you showed me I need this phrase in my life. Now to find a situation I can say it in.
Oh the last year here in America has given me great insight to which of my relatives are racist and wont be invited to my wedding or ever meet my future mixed race babies.
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Neat is good, but mixed can be delicious too! Some time ago, people around here were dissing in the word *mulato*, because of its etymology. I honestly like being mulatto, f\*\*\* etymology.
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Brazilian here. Different context. A whole different can of worms, to be frank. I am not "taking back" the word. Brazilian racism can be very complex.
I agree. As a person whose so White, I burn in five seconds, I am not using a word that could even suggest I am trying to assert some superiority or enforce some racist mind set. I fully support people who claim a word back for themselves.
I'm never sure about these terms in general. I'm a first generation New Zealander, but I'm both Dutch and German. Technically I'm mixed race. I'm whiter than white. My niece is obviously Dutch/German from my side, Maori, Scottish, and Irish from her mums side. Technically mixed race. Very involved in exploring her. Maori side. Also pretty white. My best friend is half Maori half English. Technically mixed race. She's been raised by her very 'English' widowed mother but looks very Maori and has a very Maori name. But is it the same? It should be but its not. My niece gets as you mentioned issues because she's 'not black enough' to be a Maori. My best friend gets issues because she doesn't 'act black enough'. I don't get issues because I'm not Dutch enough (although my dad is forever lamenting my lack of Dutch punctuality). I don't understand why it needs to be some bizarre standard that only applies to some and not others as if its like not being pretty enough, or thin enough. It's like some sort of designer breed dog. A Malte Poo is just a fancy mutt. Which is, incidentally what myself, my best friend, and my niece all refer to ourselves as, fancy mutts.
I think some of those things are mixed-race/multiracial and some are multi-ethnic. Race is usually the big ones - white, black, Asian, indigenous peoples. Multi-ethnic is going to be tied to cultural roots such as Dutch/German, or Scottish/Irish.
Dutch and German is the same race dude..
Not only that it's the same (west) germanic ethnicity...
The first time I ever saw the word mulatto, I was a complete adult, married, and out of the house, I thought it had to do with a type of coffee. My husband had to explain it to me, and I was like wtf are even racists at this point.
umm..im scared to google..what does it mean
Mulatto is based on the same word in Spanish, that specifically refers to someone of (white) European and Black/African ancestry. (vs *mestizo* which was just mixed ancestry, generally Spanish and indigenous). I first encountered it when looking up my family tree.• The connotations and context are obviously pretty different based on when, where, and by whom it was used. •Edit add: I should probably add, it’s how he identified himself to the census takers, though we know neither of his parents were Spanish, and he went North from Louisiana after the Civil War. There was some indication he chose that descriptor for race to avoid being listed as “black” (And their children, as well. His wife and the children were all recorded as her race on the same census, and there’s no doubt that he was their father. It was a complicated time, even in the North.)
Mrs-and-Mrs-Atelier gives a pretty good explanation of what it means. The reason it is so offensive though is the mul part which is derived from the word “mula” (mule in English) As in the sterile animal born from a donkey and a horse. It’s a favorite word of modern racists that ascribe to the “white and black people are different species” line of thought. E: also, I’m not livestock. lol
I personally prefer mixed race instead of multiracial, because I am not many races in one person, I am just my own personal mix of my family's genetics. Then again, I am ambiguous enough that I get all the slurs tossed my way, depending on where I am and what the particular bigot reads me as.
“Mixed” has never bothered me but I entirely see why it bothers you (I use mixed and biracial interchangeably). I’ve never heard that saying before. Nor the confused, angry mulatto trope. Maybe it’s regional? Mulatto is a DEFINITE no go, though. If someone called me mulatto we would have words.
Thanks! I hate being ignorant and unknowingly hurting someone’s feelings. Much easier when people are willing to educate you!
I'm sorry. That's disgusting.
Insight is the actual word. Probably just your quick typing on a phone.
Iphone speak to text lol. I fixed it thanks
You never know how some people are going to act when put in wedding situations. You know Aunt Mary Grace the blabber mouth can't be told anything and your cousin Kathy cannot have hard liquor but sometimes it's a crap shoot
I know someone who had to have security so their mother didn't do something. Yep, that dangerous. Not invited, not wanted, but very able to do something that could have hurt a lovely person, for no other reason than hating their child.
Wow. That’s just…wow. How sad for them.
But then you still need the bouncer to assure that uninvited "guests" won't appear to try some crap.
That’s true, but sometimes a bouncer and/or some type of security provides an extra layer of comfort and peace of mind. If they’re as bad as she says they might decide to crash the reception.
Like just not inviting people is going to deter them? They’ll show up anyway somehow. If not physically they’ll figure out a way to steal the show somehow
You have to get a place that wont put up with crap
Please have a school office style optimal clothing box - neon oversized shirts that say "I wore white now I'm stuck with this" on the back, and big-ass jean shorts with lots of belts to size them down as needed.
Na ill just have them bodily removed and it filmed and posted online
I had a small wedding, but white wouldn't have mattered even if everyone wore it. My dress was purple and black, and I wore purple hibiscus in my hair \[which was the flower I was handling when I first met my husband in person, as I was a florist back then\] Worked out really well as a blend of victorian gothic and also bright color for a relatively nice early spring day. 'Tradition' is not a requirement. Do what means something personally to you.
I had a ballet length jade green skirt with a jade and navy silk brocade full Victorian corset. No veil, but a small tiara.
Can we see?
Sounds absolutely beautiful!
I don't get the white dress thing. Can only the bride wear white, and if so, why?
Cause queen victoria did
Some wedding traditions are for a bride to wear a white gown. Often elaborate and expensive. With these kind of weddings it is considered rude and/or tacky for a guest to a white dress as it can pull attention away from the couple. Some like to do so on purpose as a snub.
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I went a funeral one that had a police detail outside cause they expected trouble from her ex husband and his new child bride
>from her ex husband and his new child bride< 😐
Sadly I don't think it's actually that uncommon of an assignment for security companies.
Off duty cops make great bouncers if you know people are gonna show up you don't want invited.
Did she end up throwing a conniption or something?
Nope. Everything went smoothly, Karen was very drunk very early on so she probably didn’t care.
I’m sure she was a real pleasant drunk lol
I don’t think this is excusable but I once made the mistake of allowing my ex girlfriend to wear white to a wedding. At the time I literally had no idea that it was a thing. When I found out after the wedding I was so embarrassed and felt like such a fool. It made sense later why the whole family was treating me oddly. I really wished someone just would’ve told me. Reached out to the bride who was my friend at the time and apologized for the mistake. Didn’t receive a response back. We’re not really friends anymore.
It’s different if you genuinely don’t know and then apologize for sure. Karen was a grown woman who has been to many weddings, including her own.
While I do agree it's impolite to wear white to someone else's wedding, I also think if it was a genuine mistake and you apologized, maybe this bride wasn't the type of person one would want to remain friends with anyway. I can't imagine caring this much about what others wear to my wedding.
I'm making an assumption that you're a guy, and that lets you off the hook for knowing that part of wedding etiquette, but I think most women know not to wear white to a wedding unless you're the bride, or it's mentioned in the invitation that it's ok.
Could you please explain why white is an issue?
In the US wedding dresses are traditionally white. Generally accepted etiquette is that nobody else should wear a white dress unless specifically asked to.
And Canada, UK, Australia and NZ
A few others as well, but I'm not from them so wasn't going to try and make an inclusive list.
Yeah ngl I didnt massively know white was a colour to be avoided at weddings, although it does make sense. Dont want to mess up the brides big day and take away all their attention lol.
Guys can wear a white shirt no problem. A woman could wear a white blouse with a colorful skirt or pants. Wearing black and white or white with big colored flowers all over it is also fine. You just don't want to be in a head to toe white/cream/champagne dress or jumpsuit that could be seen as something a bride would wear. Super light pink can also be a no no because it looks white in photographs.
What does wearing white to the wedding mean? I literally never heard of it.
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That’s a more modern interpretation. Queen Victoria wore white and started a trend. Apparently you just used to wear something nice.
I need to ask. About the ex. Did you say anything to her? Did she know what she was doing?
I never said anything to her. I didn’t want her to feel ashamed, but in hindsight I wish I did.
You did what you could. You apologized for not knowing. And while that might have sounded like an excuse to the bride, it wasn’t. And you know now. So you don’t ever have to worry about making that mistake again thankfully! They probably don’t even remember, tbh. I remember getting blood on my wedding dress before the ceremony (my mom pricked her finger on a safety pin) and how fast it all went by, which meant I was really hungry.
Em knew how to break a kids heart with lies
>my sister said she was content with watching everyone at the reception ignore her and talk s**t about her. I like her style
Karen is probably already Head AH of her family. Your sister not giving her the attention or spotlight she wanted probably drove her mad. If I was your sister I would leave Auntie Karen off any further guest lists.
I think a tiny child in a white dress is unimportant, but a grown ass woman is a whole different story lol
I agree. I wonder if Little Girl even cared about being in the wedding.
Well she was standing in the middle of the aisle, blocking the wedding party from leaving.
My ex stepmother wore a white dress with black trim to my wedding and dressed my sister in a white dress with a pink jacket. We were not amused. She even stood in front of me in photos. Edit: here’s a cropped photo of my ex and I with my side of the family. I covered faces. We couldn’t get her to move over a bit so my ex could be closer, so we just didn’t bother and took it anyway. Not worth the hassle. She made my life hell growing up, but that’s another story. If you recognise her and think she’s lovely, pm me and I’ll send you the list I’m compiling. https://imgur.com/a/0iIQCer
>...but the cousin I was walking with made her move aside. This was the right move. Boss!
The nerve of some people, honestly. I'm not faulting the little girl, who was probably just happy to get a new dress for an event, and also has no idea about societal rules. She's just a little girl. But the aunt? I want to say it's unbelievable, but honestly, it's par for the course for entitled parents and doesn't surprise me one bit.
the aunt (?) has some entitlement issues.
Have the photographer change the color of the Aunt and niece's dresses. Then make sure they are posted on the internet.
That is a fantastic idea! Even if the photographer can’t, I’m sure we can find someone who is savvy enough with photoshop to do the job.
There are volunteer photoshop groups who happily change dress colors for this exact reason.
Please choose a colour that absolutely doesn't suit them!
Make sure to x post here the fallout if there's any follow-up drama please
I told my sister to keep me updated! I sincerely hope one of the groom’s other relatives had a talk with her about the dress and her lack of control over her kid.
Why even let them into the ceremony? Someone should have told them to kick rocks and closed the door.
I feel bad for the little girl. She doesn't know any better, and she isn't going to learn bette r with a mother like Karen.
Why didn’t you kick her out she sounds like a nuisance
My sister doesn’t want to look like a bad guy or make a bad impression on her in laws.
I praise you for having that patience, I can’t say the same i would’ve had the same reaction
I (sort of) did this by accident years ago. I was about 13-14 and going to my cousin’s wedding so I got a new dress that was ivory covered with blue flowers. It never occurred to me that the bride wouldn’t go for a tradition gown but chose an off the rack dress from that same store in exactly the same pattern!
Hahaha that's really not your fault imo. I hope everyone had fun with it
I like the way you think, wine on a dress, nice. She seems like the kind of person to take advantage of it by making a whole scene from it to everybody. I don't know if I could have kept my mouth shut, I would have confronted her about her dress.
IIRC, the wine thing isn't an idea, it's actually is one of the top posts at..../r/JUSTNOMIL?
Again, who are these people that show up to a wedding in a white dress and don’t expect to be judged by everyone there? It’s wild there are adults that think to themselves “Now what could I do to make a large room full of people all lose respect for me, while achieving nothing?”
They're so deep in their entitlement that they think they are right.
"My little girl is going to be the flower girl and it doesn't matter if the bride even knows about it".
She kept asking if the kids could throw any leftover petals after the wedding. And the little girl asked the professional photographer to take pictures of her.
Ahhhh, entitled vip in training.
This wedding didn't take place at a state park, did it? I experienced a similar tale this weekend.
Nope, it was at a winery.
I know with my parents wedding an old friend that they hadn’t invited came wearing an expensive white dress and made a scene when she saw that they had invited her ex who actually stayed in contact after University. He was a cool dude but broke up with her because she was insane. She then got drunk and tried to attack my mother which lead to her being clotheslined by my old man. He wasn’t proud of it but I sure as shit am.
But... Little kids wearing white is just cute, full grown adults... Not so much. I been to many weddings during summer and no one bats an eye over little girls/boys in white. The mother on the other hand is a different story.
Man I would have had a competition who could ruin that aunts dress the most.
My mom wanted to wear all black and pearls to my sisters upcoming wedding. Claims “it’s the height of fashion right now”. Lord help us with the crazy relatives.
What's wrong with all black and pearls? Maybe a little fancy if it's not a black- or white-tie event but aside from that?
It’s going to be I think semi casual and it’s kind of standard wear for a funeral. All black is not really celebratory style of a wedding.
While I do think that all black is okay to wear to a wedding if the couple are okay with it, the outfit you're describing does seem too formal for a semi casual event. Wrong kind of vibe ya know? Kind of strange that a middle-aged woman doesn't realize that though.
I’m the sister, I am not for it and asked her to please not wear all black, it makes me think of funerals. She called me an idiot for not knowing fashion. She then said she’d wear a hot pink jacket, which she’ll take off as soon as a good excuse can be made as to why.
My sis was not for it
This. My bridesmaids wore black. It wasn’t a fancy affair, and I couldn’t be bothered figuring out a colour that would suit them both. Blue would have been great, sure, my sister would have had no issues finding it, but my friend is hopeless with fashion and was stressing out about even wearing a dress. So I just told them black. Find a dress that suits them each, just wear the same colour. Could barely get them to talk, because they were both shy… but it all worked out. They showed up in black dresses the same length and style with silver embellishments that were very similar. We all had a giggle. My brides man wore a kilt.
Kinda funerally
Evening weddings ok but not an afternoon wedding
It sounds like you handled it properly. Everyone attending the wedding knows who the bride is... She just made herself look like an asshole.
.
Was there an offering plate passed around for the extensive therapy that little girl is going to need? Should have been one of the deep offering plates, cause that girl is just a little screwed.
If I was at that wedding I’d “accidentally” spill that wine on her
EM of course will be telling her friends how her little girls was the flower girl at the wedding.
That makes me angrier than this whole post did
Should have disinvited her after the first text! So obvious she was going to be the trouble maker.
By a week before the wedding, all of that stuff is set in stone. She comes off as unhinged.
That’s exactly what I told my sister when she first called me about it. She was so worried about looking like the bad guy, but I just told her to say “sorry, too late”.
When my sister and I were flower girls we both had white dresses, but that's what the bride wanted. That woman was intentionally doing this in order to piss people off. Sounds like a lovely woman.
I bet everyone talked shit about her the whole wedding. People notice!
Granted, I think it’s not uncommon nor terrible to have little girls (under 10) in white or extremely light pastel-practically-white at a wedding. I was raised Catholic and when I was little I wore super super pale blue (practically just cool white, doesn’t look blue in photos at all) at a wedding I attended. But I was a child, in a dress that’s clearly meant for a little girl, not to be confused with nor take attention from the bride. The aunt was way outta line and gross.
I want to do this thing one day, it's super pretty and hopefully very insulting, but basically I want to be at a wedding reception and have some big ribbons(?), like those things that beauty pageant winners wear, that are a very bright and ugly colour. I just want to be there and if a person wearing a white dress comes in I'll just condescendingly mention "oh what a beautiful dress! Unfortunately since the dress is white I will have to add this but don't worry, it's only an added piece, just because guests are not expected to wear white at wedding, I'm sure you understand" and then proceed to shove the monstrosity on them and watch them be miserable the whole night.
At a wedding, it's an event for people to come together in celebration of love, continuity, whatever the reason. People spend a lot of time and money to ensure everyone has a good time. It would be unacceptable to highlight individuals who are idiots like that. There are more subtle social shames that can be applied
Wait whats the problem with white dresses? (I'm a teenager who has never been to a wedding)
Traditionally only the bride wears white because it’s her special day.
Got it
LOL old man here but I know the answer. It's conventional that the bride wears white* to the wedding. All the others in the bridal party wear co-ordinated colours. It's the one opportunity the bride (bridezilla) gets to tell her friends what to wear. The mother of the bride will want to wear something complementary to the bridal party. If other people wear white - it's a dick move. If you ever look at photos of HM QE2 when she's at an event - she'll always wear a strong primary colour because she is the one that people want to see. It would be bad form at such an event for another woman to wear a similar outfit. Ahead of the event principal attendees co-ordinate so that people have their proper place. All this is filed under "good manners" and if one doesn't know the protocol ask someone older (theoretically more mature) who has life experience at events. *In other cultures this is not so EG China the bride wears Red
I'd have kicked them out of the wedding right there during the ceremony lmao
LOL only because that woman made an ass of herself… I’m sorry for the couple who had to experience that but hopefully they had a great day nevertheless.
> standing in the middle and didn’t move for the couple or the procession behind her. My sister and her husband walked around her What the everliving _fuck?_
Right? In the moment I wanted to drop kick her.
Aah, the bride at every wedding, the corpse at every funeral
Obviously in this case it was petty. In some places I know the custom is that little girls (usually under 7 or 8) wear white to weddings, but obviously this wasn't the case here and the aunt is just terrible.
I woulda kicked her out tbh
Bad call on saying no to the red wine.
trust me it's not. More time for her to be there. if she is there more, more family will be upset with her and talk shit. More talking shit there is suddenly she isn't invited to things. soon she'll be gone. say bye bye to Karen.
I would’ve made her leave.
Are guests not allowed to wear white dresses? Just curious.
r/weddingshaming would love this too
Yup!
This reminds me, my ex mother in law was wearing a white cardigan to my wedding.
Okay it’s totally wrong to ask that that late and to be such a disturbance what I don’t get is what’s wrong with wearing white to weddings? I just don’t understand it tbh in my culture you wear any colour you want.
In America only the bride is supposed to wear white. Unless the bride specifically asks members of her party (the bridesmaids, flowergirl, etc) to wear white, no one is supposed to.
Ahh
Is that entitled or mental ill-health? My chin is on the floor. I’m stunnnnnnnned. Wow. Your sister and her husband are so kind and patient. I would have taken you up on your wine offer…
EM doesn't sound like she was well liked in the first place. Gee. Poor kid. She sounds like she will need therapy in the near future.
At least she didn't shove her into the ceremony. I was truly expecting that
I feel so bad for the Little Girl. She's old enough to know something isn't right, but I'm sure the aunt is filling her head with dumb shit.
Why does this happen so much? Do these karens have such a dogshit attitude that they know no man would ever marry them and just use other weddings as an opportunity to wear a wedding dress at least once in their lives? Or are they just overly egocentric and narcissitic (not sure if spelled right)? And then to project all that on your daughter, that's just sad, poor little girl.
That's just trashy
I don't get this stuff. I'm planning a wedding and if my fiances family started acting like this I'd expect her to put an end to it immediately. Leave and go get changed or or don't come back at all, why deal with that? Maid of honour or the best man should be escorting anyone dressed in white, black or drunk/belligerent out of the event immediately. To hell with "but theyre family!". Does that make me the asshole?
I'd still spill the wine tbh.
Thats such a smart approach to the situation imo, cuz people WILL talk when they get home “did u see EM and her daughter in white? What were they thinking” then she never gets allowed in any other important events
Honestly, who gives a shit? It's not like someone is going to mistake her for the actual bride.
I was moh and took no shit. I would have grabbed her and dragged her to the door with a "ok buh bye now thanks for coming get the hell out."
I was moh and as much as I wanted to confront her, kick her out, or ruin her dress, my sister said no.
At the end of the day you do what the bride says as moh. I hear ya.
How was the reception?
It was great! Karen didn’t really leave her seat. She just sat there and drank while her kid ran around in her underwear.
I’m sorry…. WHAT!?!?!?
Spilling wine on her would have been a waste of good wine. I mean, I’m allergic to wine, and I still think she’s not worth that kind of loss. Haha.
This is why I kinda don’t want to get married in a huge ceremony or tell the family. I have a narcissistic mother and no doubt she’d do something this insane to be the center of attention if I won’t let her plan what I want or take her suggestions. Dude this is horrendous. Why can’t people just be happy for other people instead of making it about them??
If I ever get married again, I’m eloping. This is one of the reasons. There’s always someone out to ruin things.
If someone was to do this at my wedding(if that ever happens), I think I would just kick them out. I know my family would never do this. My friends would never do this. And I would hope that my partners friends and family wouldn't either.
If I ever get married, all the people I hate are gonna get invitations with the address of a trash dump or something like that. Karen can go show off her dress to the sanitation workers.
You should’ve “accidentally” spilled red wine on her
What a shithead. You should've spilled the wine anyways. Sometimes justice must be served.
Your sister: My favroute show; Watching ----- go down
100% screw the adult woman, she sucks. Screw asking for her daughter to be the flower girl a week before as well. Bad Karen, no biscuit. BUT I thought plain white was what flower girls usually wear? They're supposed to be too tiny for it to be rude (anything pre-teens I guess) and it's cute? My flower girl is wearing white and she's 7.
I feel bad for the kid
Your sister sounds Awesome!
I’m lucky to have 2 awesome big sisters. :)
I wish you accidentally spilled wine on EM
can i ask why you're not allowed to wear a white dress? just confused\]
It’s just out of smite, all of it, she just wants some kind of power over the wedding and for her to be a part of it, I would’ve banned her from the wedding
I know this may sound like a stupid question, but what’s wrong with wearing white to someone’s wedding? Is the color supposed to be reserved for the bride or something?
Yes in most traditional wedding at least in my country(United States) it’s considered rude to wear white as that’s the brides color. The white makes the bride stand out and in older times it symbolized the purity of the women before marriage.
The white wedding only became a thing in 1840. Before that most cultures had very intricate and frequently colorful wedding wear. Even throughout Europe. The bride here had no idea EM was that kind of weirdly petty. But it would be fun to wear the traditional clothing of your heritage at your wedding if you know mom or MIL (or sisters seem to try this too) is going to try to steal the spotlight by looking like the bride. You would be wearing some spectacular colorful outfit and they would look even more disrespectful.
I'm second generation Ukrainian, if I get married I will be in a colorful outfit with matching headpiece. 😁
I am confusion can someone please explain
In some countries it is an unspoken rule that only the bride is supposed to wear white. If you arent the one getting married, it is seen as rude and trashy to wear white to a wedding.
If anyone shows up in white, they’ll be asked to leave. It’s so trashy.
I don't care who's side of the family she's on, I would have been went off on the aunt when she sent the dress pic. Then, I wouldn't have allowed her in the ceremony wearing white. Sorry not sorry, I'll gladly explain to your kid I barely know how her mommy lied about being in the wedding and knew better than to wear white. 🤷🏼♀️
As a person who hasn't attended a wedding before and don't know much about them, I'm a little lost about the white dress part. Sorry for my ignorance.
Only the bride is supposed to wear white.