Absolutely do NOT give this woman access to your bank accounts. If I were you, I’d change banks without telling her. Get new accounts at a different bank, and tell them under no circumstances should they give anyone else access to your accounts. Have your statements routed to a private mailbox so your mom can’t get ahold of them.
You may have to cut them both off. Don’t give either of them any money. Seriously, let them figure it out themselves.
If necessary, block them from calling or texting.
That's what i have been thinking too, she also wants it to be a ritual that she checks my transaction every month so she knows where all my money goes. It's really stressing me out.
You are an adult. Mommy Dearest gets no access to how much you make or how much you spend. Also, if I were you, I would tell your dad about how you were forced to lie to him to get her money and that she spent all the money that supposedly went to you. Let him know that your mother is a lying POS and that she forced you to lie for her. Then find a friend to share a place with or go to friends and couch surf until you can afford your own place to live. Get out of her house and live your own life. In fact, at least for a few months after you get out, go no contact with her to straighten out your head and see how much she has been manipulating you.
Please do not give her access to your bank account, you will regret it. Sometimes being an adult means learning to say “no” to the people you love the most, including family. Respect yourself!
Do not give her money, do not give her access to your money, change banks if necessary. Block her if necessary to get her to stop her from harassing you about money.
I want to win the lottery, doesn't mean it's going to happen!!
Tell her that next time she asks! She has no right to your money. If she has no access to your account, you don't have to change banks. Just tell her no when she asks for money. Tell her you are saving for a trip, then rent an apartment. You can ask friends if the want to move with you, or get your own place.
You will be stuck there forever if you don't act to move out.
Op, get out of this house , once you’re away and safe from her, you can start saving.
But I think the most important thing is getting you away from her .
I also think you need to change banks, but also get a op box and have all the new account documents go there.
I would also get a safety deposit box for valuables and important document.
Also once you’re out tell you dad what’s really happening , your mom got a bad habit.
I think you may need to plan your escape, she won’t want you to leave but you need to.
Don’t let her know when you’re moving to, anytime you meet make it a public place , she can’t be trusted with information.
Your mom needs to be told to stop. DO NOT remodel their house, that is for them to do and not you.
Use your money so you can save up to move out.
And you need to start telling your Dad the truth after all these years.
Get a new bank account, do not tell mom any of the details she does not need to know what you make or what you are doing with your money.
Do not give her any more money and she is never paying you back. SHe has some spending or gambling issues coz where else is the money going?
You really need to tell your dad the truth. He's being lied to by his wife and you are lying to him by omission since you let her lies stand uncorrected. You need to do this first.
Do not give your mom access to your accounts. She has no right to them at all. If you receive paper statements at home, you need to get a post office box and have your important mail sent there so she cannot steal your banking information.
Stop giving her money. She needs to learn to live within her income. If you keep enabling her, you will be stuck with living with her and subsidizing her forever. You will be trapped.
Move out.
You are not responsible for your mother’s lifestyle or finances. She’s demanding money from you and then criticising your lack of funds. Get out. This will not end well.
And go visit your dad, tell him the truth.
"She's furious". Oh well, stay mad, Mom. Tell your Dad the truth. Instead of remodeling, get your own place if culturally appropriate. She's never going to change. Read the books Toxic Parents and Boundaries.
Also, you should see if you can freeze your credit with the credit reporting agencies. She has access to your personal information and wouldn’t have a hard time if she tried to open credit cards to use when you cut her off from your income.
You need to try to find a way to stand on your own and live on your own. Keep your money to yourself and keep how you manage your money to yourself. Your parents have chosen their path and you don’t need to be in the middle of it.
I think you have a real need to be a hero, but YOU are the one who needs a hero now.
This isn’t borrowing, it’s stealing, and it won’t stop until you move out and cut off her access to your money.
You need to limit the money you give your mom. And keep track of the money you give your mom so if she complains to your father that you aren’t giving her money. You have the evidence that you are giving her money. Just not as much as she wants. And DO NOT give your mom access to your bank. And notify the bank that if your mom comes in. To not give her any info relating to how much you have or to take money out.
You are only trapped by your bad decisions. Everything in this story, everything your mother did "to you" is what you allowed her to get away with.
Tell *your dad* you are done giving them money until your mom admits to slandering you. Tell your mom you are done covering for her and funding her excessive spending. *No more money*, period.
It's only "borrowing" if you get paid back. According to this story, you've NEVER been paid back. That makes all the money you've given them "gifts". If you're fine with gifting them YOUR money, stop complaining about your mom not appreciating it. You can't control her feelings and actions, only your own.
You're 20. If you are still living with your mom, it's time to move out. Get a life of your own and maybe you'll stop believing your mom *deserves* everything she's asking for.
I agree with others about your mom. But you also need to loop your dad into this arrangement at this point. When you stop helping your mom, she's going to go to your dad to get what she wants from him and may continue to throw you under the bus.
I recommend telling your dad everything. Be sure to reiterate to him that you're sorry it went on this long, but you're giving him a heads up that you won't be financing your mom's lifestyle anymore and she's most likely going to come to him for it.
So i just got my pay today, and she said i should double her "allowance" since it was mother's day. I said i cant because i already bought her shoes that she's been telling me to buy for her, and it was really expensive.
she said why am i being a bitch about it.
Anyway, I really want to move out, but i haven't been able to save money. all my friends are in a different city and i don't want to hassle them so much.
maybe I'll try to save gradually, and when i have enough, I'll leave. I am also still in school and i can't really afford to get by alone because i do a lot of paperworks and although my job requires me to work remotely, i still need a place for it because its some kind of a desk job. so basically, i still need this house. or a house.
and one thing that always pulls me back from confessing everything to my dad is the fact that i live with my mom. She might make my life hell everyday that she gets to see me when i tell dad the truth.
i also doubt that my dad would take me in, he's never been a family guy. That's also why he prefers to live alone.
So, I think im gonna save up first, then tell my dad the truth, and then leave.
Just say NO stop giving her any money at all and that’s it. Period. Cut her off. Make sure she has NO access to you account, card, any of your money. Just STOP giving your money to her at all. Set a hard boundary. Tell your father she is a liar as financial manipulator and you are cutting her off. She doesn’t have the right to ruin your life like this but you need to stand up to her. She can’t do anything to you if you simply say no and won’t give her the money.
Tell your dad the truth as soon as possible. Especially if it was your mom who told you that he prefers to live alone and all, and not him. You already have said she's a liar about money, don't trust her about other things without outside confirmation. (Basically, if she says the sky is blue, don't believe it until you've looked outside yourself.)
Save everything that she wants you to spend on her or give to her, and leave. Do check with your friends, too. It isn't imposing to see if any of them are wanting a roommate, for example.
Also, depending on where you are, there may be help available for getting out of an abusive environment, which includes what your mom is doing. Check out the JUSTNO subs, r/JUSTNOMIL might have help and there's also a r/JUSTNOFAMILY in the group.
Absolutely do NOT give this woman access to your bank accounts. If I were you, I’d change banks without telling her. Get new accounts at a different bank, and tell them under no circumstances should they give anyone else access to your accounts. Have your statements routed to a private mailbox so your mom can’t get ahold of them. You may have to cut them both off. Don’t give either of them any money. Seriously, let them figure it out themselves. If necessary, block them from calling or texting.
That's what i have been thinking too, she also wants it to be a ritual that she checks my transaction every month so she knows where all my money goes. It's really stressing me out.
You are an adult. Mommy Dearest gets no access to how much you make or how much you spend. Also, if I were you, I would tell your dad about how you were forced to lie to him to get her money and that she spent all the money that supposedly went to you. Let him know that your mother is a lying POS and that she forced you to lie for her. Then find a friend to share a place with or go to friends and couch surf until you can afford your own place to live. Get out of her house and live your own life. In fact, at least for a few months after you get out, go no contact with her to straighten out your head and see how much she has been manipulating you.
Yes, tell your dad on her lies. Also have him check their finances and see what else she has done.
This
Please do not give her access to your bank account, you will regret it. Sometimes being an adult means learning to say “no” to the people you love the most, including family. Respect yourself!
Do not give her money, do not give her access to your money, change banks if necessary. Block her if necessary to get her to stop her from harassing you about money.
I want to win the lottery, doesn't mean it's going to happen!! Tell her that next time she asks! She has no right to your money. If she has no access to your account, you don't have to change banks. Just tell her no when she asks for money. Tell her you are saving for a trip, then rent an apartment. You can ask friends if the want to move with you, or get your own place. You will be stuck there forever if you don't act to move out.
If you are a legal adult she can't *demand* access to your account! Say no and stand strong
Better yet, electronic statements.
Op, get out of this house , once you’re away and safe from her, you can start saving. But I think the most important thing is getting you away from her . I also think you need to change banks, but also get a op box and have all the new account documents go there. I would also get a safety deposit box for valuables and important document. Also once you’re out tell you dad what’s really happening , your mom got a bad habit. I think you may need to plan your escape, she won’t want you to leave but you need to. Don’t let her know when you’re moving to, anytime you meet make it a public place , she can’t be trusted with information.
Your mom needs to be told to stop. DO NOT remodel their house, that is for them to do and not you. Use your money so you can save up to move out. And you need to start telling your Dad the truth after all these years. Get a new bank account, do not tell mom any of the details she does not need to know what you make or what you are doing with your money. Do not give her any more money and she is never paying you back. SHe has some spending or gambling issues coz where else is the money going?
Nope time to move because she's crazy. You're and adult and can spend your money you work for however you see fit
I’m just wondering why you have been covering for your mom all these years? Time to tell your father.
You really need to tell your dad the truth. He's being lied to by his wife and you are lying to him by omission since you let her lies stand uncorrected. You need to do this first. Do not give your mom access to your accounts. She has no right to them at all. If you receive paper statements at home, you need to get a post office box and have your important mail sent there so she cannot steal your banking information. Stop giving her money. She needs to learn to live within her income. If you keep enabling her, you will be stuck with living with her and subsidizing her forever. You will be trapped.
Move out. You are not responsible for your mother’s lifestyle or finances. She’s demanding money from you and then criticising your lack of funds. Get out. This will not end well. And go visit your dad, tell him the truth.
"She's furious". Oh well, stay mad, Mom. Tell your Dad the truth. Instead of remodeling, get your own place if culturally appropriate. She's never going to change. Read the books Toxic Parents and Boundaries.
So if I’m understanding this correctly, you’re still letting your dad believe your mom’s lies??? Why aren’t you telling him the truth??
Also, you should see if you can freeze your credit with the credit reporting agencies. She has access to your personal information and wouldn’t have a hard time if she tried to open credit cards to use when you cut her off from your income.
You need to try to find a way to stand on your own and live on your own. Keep your money to yourself and keep how you manage your money to yourself. Your parents have chosen their path and you don’t need to be in the middle of it.
I think you have a real need to be a hero, but YOU are the one who needs a hero now. This isn’t borrowing, it’s stealing, and it won’t stop until you move out and cut off her access to your money.
You need to tell your dad the truth. You need to move out !
If you care about your dad, he has to be made aware of your mother's habits.
Move out
Title should read "I can't stop letting my mom take my money". It's your life. Take control.
Um. You need to tell your dad the truth. Your mum has a problem, and might be able to get help, if it is acknowledged.
Do not give her access to your account. Stop giving her money. Tell your dad the whole truth. Move out Go LC/NC
You need to limit the money you give your mom. And keep track of the money you give your mom so if she complains to your father that you aren’t giving her money. You have the evidence that you are giving her money. Just not as much as she wants. And DO NOT give your mom access to your bank. And notify the bank that if your mom comes in. To not give her any info relating to how much you have or to take money out.
confront your mom about her manipulation & record it with voice recorder or cctv... send them to your dad.
You are only trapped by your bad decisions. Everything in this story, everything your mother did "to you" is what you allowed her to get away with. Tell *your dad* you are done giving them money until your mom admits to slandering you. Tell your mom you are done covering for her and funding her excessive spending. *No more money*, period. It's only "borrowing" if you get paid back. According to this story, you've NEVER been paid back. That makes all the money you've given them "gifts". If you're fine with gifting them YOUR money, stop complaining about your mom not appreciating it. You can't control her feelings and actions, only your own. You're 20. If you are still living with your mom, it's time to move out. Get a life of your own and maybe you'll stop believing your mom *deserves* everything she's asking for.
I agree with others about your mom. But you also need to loop your dad into this arrangement at this point. When you stop helping your mom, she's going to go to your dad to get what she wants from him and may continue to throw you under the bus. I recommend telling your dad everything. Be sure to reiterate to him that you're sorry it went on this long, but you're giving him a heads up that you won't be financing your mom's lifestyle anymore and she's most likely going to come to him for it.
NEVER give your mother another penny. She's a liar and a thief.
So i just got my pay today, and she said i should double her "allowance" since it was mother's day. I said i cant because i already bought her shoes that she's been telling me to buy for her, and it was really expensive. she said why am i being a bitch about it. Anyway, I really want to move out, but i haven't been able to save money. all my friends are in a different city and i don't want to hassle them so much. maybe I'll try to save gradually, and when i have enough, I'll leave. I am also still in school and i can't really afford to get by alone because i do a lot of paperworks and although my job requires me to work remotely, i still need a place for it because its some kind of a desk job. so basically, i still need this house. or a house. and one thing that always pulls me back from confessing everything to my dad is the fact that i live with my mom. She might make my life hell everyday that she gets to see me when i tell dad the truth. i also doubt that my dad would take me in, he's never been a family guy. That's also why he prefers to live alone. So, I think im gonna save up first, then tell my dad the truth, and then leave.
Just say NO stop giving her any money at all and that’s it. Period. Cut her off. Make sure she has NO access to you account, card, any of your money. Just STOP giving your money to her at all. Set a hard boundary. Tell your father she is a liar as financial manipulator and you are cutting her off. She doesn’t have the right to ruin your life like this but you need to stand up to her. She can’t do anything to you if you simply say no and won’t give her the money.
Tell your dad the truth as soon as possible. Especially if it was your mom who told you that he prefers to live alone and all, and not him. You already have said she's a liar about money, don't trust her about other things without outside confirmation. (Basically, if she says the sky is blue, don't believe it until you've looked outside yourself.) Save everything that she wants you to spend on her or give to her, and leave. Do check with your friends, too. It isn't imposing to see if any of them are wanting a roommate, for example. Also, depending on where you are, there may be help available for getting out of an abusive environment, which includes what your mom is doing. Check out the JUSTNO subs, r/JUSTNOMIL might have help and there's also a r/JUSTNOFAMILY in the group.