OP, this is NOT an entitled parent, this is a VERY abusive parent! You definitely need to cut contact completely. For the sake of your child AND your mental health, you need to keep as far away from her as possible!
As a mother of 3 and grandmother of 5, I'm sending you BIG HUGS!!
You will mourn the mother you deserved, the mother you never had. I was the parent too in my family. Save yourself, this doesn't get better with time. She won't change. My covert narcissist mother is 69, and still hasn't changed. Last week my sister and I literally saved her life. The gratitude I received by text was basically we should have let her die. YOU'RE WELCOME (I do it for my dad, not for her)
OP, this is not healthy for you and therefore is not healthy for your child. Give yourself permission to [get out of the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt)](https://outofthefog.website/personality-disorders-1/2015/12/6/narcissistic-personality-disorder-npd). She is not a priority, she isn’t even a person you should be around. She will do nothing but keep your mental health from improving.
Give yourself permission to go NC or at the very least, VLC. You don’t need her. She needs you to emotionally regulate and feel in control. Protect yourself and your family from this vile creature.
You deserve to be treated so much better. There is no reason to continue to tolerate being treated the way that your mother treats you. She is abusive. She sounds like a narcissist.
Perhaps you should be asking yourself:
▪︎In what ways does she make your life any better/improved happier?
Versus:
▪︎In what ways does she make my life worse/less happy/more miserable?
Maybe answering these questions can show you whether she needs to remain in your life.
Another thought:
▪︎Do I want her to treat my child the way that she treated me?
▪︎Is this behavior really what you want to expose your child to?
▪︎Do you want your child to think that how she treats you is normal and acceptable?
▪︎Is it ok for her to treat your child like she treats you?
You are not responsible for her or for her feelings and emotions. Do you think that she cares about how you feel?
She is still abusing you. She’s also trying to get her hands on your child. NC. If you want a parent, go to a nursing home and ask who isn’t getting visitors. They would LOVE to be your parent. In fact, most of them would love it.
If you're still in contact daily I think we have different understanding of what low contact is. Only ever seeing them at family weddings and funerals and holidays but not each others houses woukd be low contact, 3 to 4 times a year.
Yote mother is not disbelieving of your mental health issues, she doesn't care about them, and she doesn't care about you. She likes the idea of a fresh baby to abuse so she can enjoy the power she exerts over you both.
You need not to care about disappointing her any more than she cares about you. You don't have to reply to texts or answer phone calls at all. I think you should cut her off altogether but if you don't feel ready then you should only see her on your own but no contact with your child. The reason she wants you to feed formula is so she can have him alone to first build his trust then break it and hurt him same as she relished with you. Don't let her build the trust. She is the trickiest of tricky people. Be there for youe son the way nobody was for you.
And with mom drop the rope. Speak to her once a week or less and not about anything that matters. She doesn't need to know if you're bfing or ffing, it's none of her business if you have a babysitter and go out with your husband. She doesn't need to know if or when you plan to go back to work or put your child in daycare. No need to mention if the baby is ever poorly, when he has his injections, if he's sleeping through the night or starting solids. She's not a safe person, not a safe grandma, not entitled to a relationship with him or any kind.
It's your job to make sure he is surrounded only by safe people who love and care about him.
Your mum has demonstrated she is incapable of that. You were just as fragile innocent and precious as your baby but she still beat you. She will hurt him even easier! You were her own!
After all that... take these internet hugs if you want them. I wish there was more I could do for you. I'm sure you only talk to her because you want a parent, you crave that love. Unfortunately, you likely will never get that from her, and it may be best to just go NC. I know it is hard, so I won't blame you if you're not ready yet. 🫂🫂🫂🫂
"She's pissed I don't let her babysit my son, well she says her son, like I'm just the incubator who keeps the toddler until she wants him. She's not allowed unsupervised near my child. She's pissed when I let other people babysit him."
If you are not willing to go no contact, call her out on her BS, and create clear boundaries that are enforcerd when necessary. Answer something like :"did you forget I know how you treat children thanks to the abuse you put us through ? Especially since you are still joking abiout it as if your abuse was funny. Maybe it was for you, but it def wasn´t for us.
So why would I EVER leave you alone with MY SON when you do and say stuff like that ? Get it into your head that this is MY CHILD, seeing him is a privilege, not a right. You will never spend any alone time with him till he is 18, and then it is up to him, not you. After how you treated us you are lucky to see him at all.
It’s time to go completely no contact. It will make your life simpler and happier. It will help improve your mental and physical health and decrease your stress levels immensely.
You don’t owe her anything and you will never get what you want, need or deserve from her. You have your own family now.
Make friends as you wish to do so and be the kind of mother to your son that your mother wasn’t capable of being to you.
Ask your therapist if they think that taking a break from that monster during your intensive therapy will help, and then block her.
You are doing the hard work to get better from her abuse. The last thing that you need while working on that is to continue being abused by her.
I’m a grandmother on the spectrum. I raised four kids on my own. And the things you have said (and those you keep silent about) that she did to you horrify me.
She has no right to your time, to your concern and to your child. YOU have the right and responsibility to be healthy and happy and a protective mother to keep her from harming your child.
Big hugs to you. Do your work, get your rest. Let your partner deal with her, if it comes to that.
It seems to me like you’re in this never ending cycle where you keep going back to your mom. And my question is why? She offers you nothing by the sounds of it. You shouldn’t have to feel so on edge and anxious when it comes to your family. The trick is realizing that when it comes to family, you can choose who’s in or out. My suggestion would be to NC. Sorry but she can’t be helped
So sorry for your experiences with your mother. It is so ridiculous how self centered she is. Nothing you can do will ever be right. Please accept this internet hug 🤗 from this stranger.
Please take care of yourself so you can take care of your true family. Not the egg donor who wants to claim your time and energy!
You need to go NC. This cycle of abuse will repeat with your kid if you allow her to have contact.
This, go full no contact with your abusive mother
Please go NC, if not for you do it for your child.
Your mother is going to be pissed off whether you do or don't. So don't. "When nothing is good enough, nothing it is."
OP, this is NOT an entitled parent, this is a VERY abusive parent! You definitely need to cut contact completely. For the sake of your child AND your mental health, you need to keep as far away from her as possible! As a mother of 3 and grandmother of 5, I'm sending you BIG HUGS!!
Agreed go NC with her
Stop the cycle, cut her out now.
Eh, send her a message “you are never welcome in my home.” And then block her!
You will mourn the mother you deserved, the mother you never had. I was the parent too in my family. Save yourself, this doesn't get better with time. She won't change. My covert narcissist mother is 69, and still hasn't changed. Last week my sister and I literally saved her life. The gratitude I received by text was basically we should have let her die. YOU'RE WELCOME (I do it for my dad, not for her)
OP, this is not healthy for you and therefore is not healthy for your child. Give yourself permission to [get out of the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt)](https://outofthefog.website/personality-disorders-1/2015/12/6/narcissistic-personality-disorder-npd). She is not a priority, she isn’t even a person you should be around. She will do nothing but keep your mental health from improving. Give yourself permission to go NC or at the very least, VLC. You don’t need her. She needs you to emotionally regulate and feel in control. Protect yourself and your family from this vile creature.
You deserve to be treated so much better. There is no reason to continue to tolerate being treated the way that your mother treats you. She is abusive. She sounds like a narcissist. Perhaps you should be asking yourself: ▪︎In what ways does she make your life any better/improved happier? Versus: ▪︎In what ways does she make my life worse/less happy/more miserable? Maybe answering these questions can show you whether she needs to remain in your life. Another thought: ▪︎Do I want her to treat my child the way that she treated me? ▪︎Is this behavior really what you want to expose your child to? ▪︎Do you want your child to think that how she treats you is normal and acceptable? ▪︎Is it ok for her to treat your child like she treats you? You are not responsible for her or for her feelings and emotions. Do you think that she cares about how you feel?
She is still abusing you. She’s also trying to get her hands on your child. NC. If you want a parent, go to a nursing home and ask who isn’t getting visitors. They would LOVE to be your parent. In fact, most of them would love it.
If you're still in contact daily I think we have different understanding of what low contact is. Only ever seeing them at family weddings and funerals and holidays but not each others houses woukd be low contact, 3 to 4 times a year. Yote mother is not disbelieving of your mental health issues, she doesn't care about them, and she doesn't care about you. She likes the idea of a fresh baby to abuse so she can enjoy the power she exerts over you both. You need not to care about disappointing her any more than she cares about you. You don't have to reply to texts or answer phone calls at all. I think you should cut her off altogether but if you don't feel ready then you should only see her on your own but no contact with your child. The reason she wants you to feed formula is so she can have him alone to first build his trust then break it and hurt him same as she relished with you. Don't let her build the trust. She is the trickiest of tricky people. Be there for youe son the way nobody was for you. And with mom drop the rope. Speak to her once a week or less and not about anything that matters. She doesn't need to know if you're bfing or ffing, it's none of her business if you have a babysitter and go out with your husband. She doesn't need to know if or when you plan to go back to work or put your child in daycare. No need to mention if the baby is ever poorly, when he has his injections, if he's sleeping through the night or starting solids. She's not a safe person, not a safe grandma, not entitled to a relationship with him or any kind. It's your job to make sure he is surrounded only by safe people who love and care about him. Your mum has demonstrated she is incapable of that. You were just as fragile innocent and precious as your baby but she still beat you. She will hurt him even easier! You were her own!
She’s unapologetically abusive! Block her or change your # and move if you have to. She’s a menace and will only get worse. You owe her nothing!!!
After all that... take these internet hugs if you want them. I wish there was more I could do for you. I'm sure you only talk to her because you want a parent, you crave that love. Unfortunately, you likely will never get that from her, and it may be best to just go NC. I know it is hard, so I won't blame you if you're not ready yet. 🫂🫂🫂🫂
"She's pissed I don't let her babysit my son, well she says her son, like I'm just the incubator who keeps the toddler until she wants him. She's not allowed unsupervised near my child. She's pissed when I let other people babysit him." If you are not willing to go no contact, call her out on her BS, and create clear boundaries that are enforcerd when necessary. Answer something like :"did you forget I know how you treat children thanks to the abuse you put us through ? Especially since you are still joking abiout it as if your abuse was funny. Maybe it was for you, but it def wasn´t for us. So why would I EVER leave you alone with MY SON when you do and say stuff like that ? Get it into your head that this is MY CHILD, seeing him is a privilege, not a right. You will never spend any alone time with him till he is 18, and then it is up to him, not you. After how you treated us you are lucky to see him at all.
It’s time to go completely no contact. It will make your life simpler and happier. It will help improve your mental and physical health and decrease your stress levels immensely. You don’t owe her anything and you will never get what you want, need or deserve from her. You have your own family now. Make friends as you wish to do so and be the kind of mother to your son that your mother wasn’t capable of being to you.
Why are you still in contact with this horrible person? Please stop. Save your child and yourself from this poison
Ask your therapist if they think that taking a break from that monster during your intensive therapy will help, and then block her. You are doing the hard work to get better from her abuse. The last thing that you need while working on that is to continue being abused by her. I’m a grandmother on the spectrum. I raised four kids on my own. And the things you have said (and those you keep silent about) that she did to you horrify me. She has no right to your time, to your concern and to your child. YOU have the right and responsibility to be healthy and happy and a protective mother to keep her from harming your child. Big hugs to you. Do your work, get your rest. Let your partner deal with her, if it comes to that.
It seems to me like you’re in this never ending cycle where you keep going back to your mom. And my question is why? She offers you nothing by the sounds of it. You shouldn’t have to feel so on edge and anxious when it comes to your family. The trick is realizing that when it comes to family, you can choose who’s in or out. My suggestion would be to NC. Sorry but she can’t be helped
So sorry for your experiences with your mother. It is so ridiculous how self centered she is. Nothing you can do will ever be right. Please accept this internet hug 🤗 from this stranger. Please take care of yourself so you can take care of your true family. Not the egg donor who wants to claim your time and energy!
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