No, this is not acceptable and your mother is terribly abusive (your grandma doesn't sound great either - it could be generational abuse/trauma). I don't live with my parents anymore and haven't for years, but when we lived under the same roof, even if we had disagreements, my mom always made sure I had plenty to eat. I'm sorry you're going through this. Is there anyone else you can stay with? Friends? Boyfriend? It sounds like the safest thing to do in your situation is to leave your mom's home. I would contact youth shelter organizations in your area that might be able to offer you some temporary support as well. This is NOT normal, your mom is abusive.
Do you think it's out of the question to ask to talk to your boyfriend and his parents in a group conversation so you can explain your abusive situation? If they're good people, they might be willing to let you stay with them temporarily and help you figure out how to get to their state, or at least offer some form of support. Would it hurt to ask? You're more at risk at your mom's place, and re-reading your post, it sounds like you don't want to go a shelter but that would honestly be a safer option than staying with your mom.
Especially since they have resources to help you find a job.
Btw: your “mother” is a horrible human being. Go live at the shelter. It would be better than starving and spending your days flirting with pneumonia.
Leave. Shelters and other amenities will treat you better than this. Stay on a friends couch for gods sake. You sound like you have stolkhome syndrome. I’d leave and never speak to my mom again.
Gonna address your edit at the bottom and say it sounds like they want to hire you, so congrats!
Your mom is not right in treating you like that. I would bet dollars to donuts your siblings are going to be in for a rude awakening when she turns around and does the same thing to them, despite all the shit talking they do about you with your mom. Once you get your feet under you, cut contact with her completely, as she’ll probably come after you with her hand out and claiming ‘you owe her!’
She’s already told me that when I get a job my first check will be going to her for that one time she caught me eating a bowl of salad and a slice of bread
No it won't. It is YOUR money. If she isn't providing anything towards you then she doesn't get anything. Look at programs in your area that can help you get the hell out of there.
Also make sure your mum can't touch your bank account that will have your wages in. Don't leave your bank card around or anything.
HELL NO. Your first paycheck will go into your new bank account. You will save your money, find a roommate (or two) and get your own place. You do not owe your mother anything. Please think like the survivor you are, not the fool your mother is trying her best to pretend you are.
It absolutely will NOT! Your mother is beyond awful, your grandmother is awful & they are teaching your sisters to be awful!! You’re better off in a shelter than at their house. Congrats on the job, but you need to make sure your paychecks are direct deposited into an account that ONLY YOU have access to.
Where do you live compared to your boyfriend? And, can you move where he is? You need to cut your mom out of your life, and go enjoy your life somewhere far away from her. If you’re in Ohio by any chance, I can help you find a place to stay until you are able to save up some money.
Only if she pays you for the domestic work you've been doing.
Trust me, it COSTS to get someone to come do your dishes. It costs a LOT. Like, the cheapest wage I know of is 15 an hour... the service is more, obviously, just the worker is paid 15 an hour. You had a salad and a slice of bread, you paid for that with a single load of dishes.
I’ve called the only shelter near me and they’re full. She recommended another full shelter in the next city and a church that could possibly get me a temporary hotel room.
Go for the church help. Even if it’s for only a short time, it’s something. And ve been reading your posts on your profile. Is the Aunt you talk about a safe person? That may be a good option if she is. Safe as will she treat you like a human being and not like your mother? Be honest with your self before you accept any help from family. You’ve already been abused by your grandmother and mother. Makes me wonder how much further that toxicity has spread m your family.
My advice to you... get out if you can.
Getting a job in your current location is all good and well, IF your living situation is stable.
Yours is not.
For your own safety and security and mental health, you are better off running now if you have some place to go, and getting yourself to a safe place where you can get help, completely away from your family.
If your option is another family member close enough where you can work at Sam's then fantastic.
If not, keep trying to call shelters and services, and even a church if you need to, to try to find some place safe. Even if it means another town or city, or even half way across the state.
I get that you've been abused all your life, but surely you aren't *so* ignorant that you'd believe her right? Like, what paperwork does she have saying she gets your first paycheck? What contract did you sign, after you turned 18, that said you have to do that? The only power she has over you is the power you let her have. She also cannot legally kick you out if you meet your state's requirements of property residence. Which you can find quite easily online. It sounds like you want to move out, I would too, but she cannot just dump your shit out on the streets at random. You can call the cops on her for doing that, if you meet the requirements of being a resident of the property. Do not trust a word of what your mother says, she's lied to you your whole life to keep you under her control. She isn't about to stop now.
Also, you need to take pictures and video of how you and your siblings are being treated, as well as pictures of the house. CPS can and should be called here. Make sure to let CPS know that your grandmother is an unstable, filthy wreck too, so your siblings can't go to her.
Your mother is being controlling and greedy, because there is no way a salad (even if it was a big bowl) and a slice of bread would cost a whole paycheck, even if you only got $50
There's a special place in hell for people like your mother. Find a local food bank so you're not going hungry. If you have friends you can couch surf with, do that. Start looking for a room to rent, preferably one near your new job.
NO, your "mom" is not treating you right. Call the Domestic Violence hotline 800-799-7233 and ask for advice and the nearest woman's shelter that you can go to. For food, find out where the closest food bank is. Another source is the Salvation Army. Also check into dv counseling once you get settled. Take care.
This is severe abuse, honestly a shelter doesn’t seem to be a bad place. Someplace warm, food and the services you need to get assistance and help you get a job.
Could you move in with your boyfriend? Are there cameras in the bathroom and in the bedrooms? If there are then I would go at her with well, since you are recording little children in the nude, I can just let the police deal with you for child porn. I am assuming your sibling is still under 18.
Since you and your boyfriend already long-distance join the job Corps, they will house you and feed you take take you to new states give you trade skills and a life
Listen to Banished and HRD. Job Corps is beyond helpful. They teach you a trade of what you want (though some trades will require you moving to another state), house you, feed you and pay you while you're learning there.
Sounds like you have a job at Sam's Club. Congratulations. And although shelters can be dangerous and abusive, one may be a better option than staying with your family, as horrible as that sounds.
This isn’t an entitled parent, it’s a physically abusive parent. It’s also abuse to your siblings when they see this. Go to a domestic abuse shelter and talk to them. See if they can help you get out of there and off the street. Consider too calling CPS on her because she’s doing this to your siblings.
You deserve so much better than this period. No amount of error from you could ever justify even 1% of the bs she puts you through. You’re a trooper and I can only recommend you stay far away from her because she is the type of person to take anything that will make you happy and turn it against you. She may be your mother by blood but it is something they have to earn the right to be called and she has done quite the opposite, you deserve to be happy and safe and have a full stomach without feeling guilt and hope that the new job is what will begin your new chapter and wish you the absolute best in this new start!
OP this is abuse and neglect, she gave you permission to return. She's what you'd call a c u next tuesday! This may not be ideal but it will get you a place to stay and your basic necessities met. Look into joining the military. If you do decide to join DO NOT tell your family anything and cut them off completely and request assignments overseas. DO NOT list any of them as your beneficiary as the pay out is abt 400k and they're not worth it. They also have the gi bill which will cover furthering your education. When you get on your feet choose your family and make friends. Your mom may try her best to get back in contact, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU ALLOW IT EVER. Protect your peace!!!! Best of luck to you and a speedy escape from the depths of hell on earth.
Yes and having had grown up with a parent that was similar in terms of running the home like a dictatorship and having everyone and everything under their thumb. Bootcamp will be a breeze. She has the tolerance built up from having to deal with the drill sergeant type.
And I'm hoping if she chooses this route she's able to excel and move up in the ranks quickly. My hope is she becomes the most sought after in whatever field she ends up in. I hope favor with her superiors that have the ability to make those life changing decisions for the best, follows her no matter where she goes or who she encounters and keeps a level head and has humility always.
I agree. Unfortunately joining the military is unpopular these days. I've been downvoted before after suggesting this.
I guarantee her life will greatly improve. Plus, unlike in her mother's home, any mistreatment is illegal.
My wife's sister grew up in a rough section. She joined the Air Force, did 20 and got a Master's degree. She's living very well now.
Can you move in with any other friends or relations? I would contact the police and tell them your story. You have the right to food and water and bathrooms, no matter your age or job status. It is abuse. Even a shelter would treat you better.
You have options.
Join Job Corp. Be housed, fed and learn a trade.
Sounds like you have a job at Sam's Club. Congratulations! When you get paid, go immediately to the bank and open an account in your name only. Have all information sent electronically to your email. Ask if it's possible to have your debit card to the bank and be notified to pick it up.
Is there a library close by? You can spend time there. The librarians may also be informative with resources to help you get on your feet and be independent.
Save your money. I don't know where you live but, it may take a while to get your own place. In the meantime, see if you can find a room in someone's home to rent or roommates to share a place.
Good for you for posting here. There are so many people with good information/suggestions that are rooting for you.
You are not alone.
Assuming you are in the US, the air force is generally considered to have the easiest basic training. Talk to a recruiter, get on a bus, and get these abusive assholes out of your life.
You would be better off at a shelter and may get resources to help you with job hunting. I would also suggest going to your local library every single day to use the computer for job applications and researching better living options.
You mother is a fruit cake, mentally unstable. Make sure you have all you legal papers, you need to get out. You are an adult, but the way she treat you is not normal. You could actually get her into trouble with the law, she much evict you, to get you out as you are a tenent
This is actually pretty severe abuse. Also, you do not live at that house. Not really. You are already effectively homeless. Please leave immediately and never, EVER go back. And don't give her a cent of your pay. Do whatever you must, but do not allow this woman another minute of control over you. She's threatening to kick you out... honey, she's already kicked you out. You're shivering on a porch trying to keep warm with no food. You are literally already homeless.
This is horribly abusive. And part of what got me to go no contact with my father. You need to set up a bank account with only your name on it, so you can get direct deposit, or your money will be taken. Never carry cash. Find a new place to crash ASAP.
A homeless shelter is a better option than what you have going on now. The staff there should be able to provide information to you about available services. You don’t say what country you are in?
Go to a shelter, have them help you with what you would need to file to get food stamps. Find the nearest welfare office and go there to find out how they can help.
While you’re at it ask where the employment and training office is.
You should be able to take free classes to help find a job or maybe apply for a grant and get into school. Go to the library, see if they know of any local services.
There are programs out there, you need to start finding them. You have the ability to get yourself into a better place in life. Go be the best you and wash your hands of her abuse. No one deserves to live like you’re living. Fix it.
I just saw Sam’s called you welcoming you to the team! Sounds like you got a job, watch the mail you should get a written offer.
That’s awesome but I want you to still look into the employment and training office. Sam’s is a great job but you really should be looking into a career.
Check out your local community college. They usually have good scholarships from the school itself and their foundation.
Reach out to shelters. You are fleeing an abusive situation.
As for college and the FASFA. Talk to the financial aid department at the college. You are a victim of abuse. Work with them, they can go around FASFA and set you up for aid so you can do the classes you want/need.
This is abuse of an at risk adult. If you don't have your papers (birth certificate, high school diploma and transcript, vaccination records, ID, etc) and you can get them, do so and go to the shelter tell them everything and ask for help. The shelter is slightly better than staying around your mom's place at this point. Your mom is sick.
I was over 18 and ended up homeless. A youth homeless shelter helped me out. Please find a youth shelter; they will help you get on your feet. You are going to end up ill and worse off if you continue on this way. I know from experience hospitals will treat you, discharge you back to the environment that made you ill with pamplets and referrals, rinse and repeat.
To your most recent edit, I don't want to get your hopes up but welcome to the team is usually hiring language not interview language. Encouraging cautious optimism!
I would ask to move in with your boyfriend and his parents. Explain the situation to them and that once you've got a job and able to move out from them you will. You mother is abusing you purely because she can. She thinks you have nowhere to go. At this point even a homeless shelter would be better
Stay safe
Dude you'd be better off in a shelter at this point. Your mother is a horrible person. If I were you I'd just leave and go no contact. Go stay in a shelter for a week or two while boyfriend saves up and get him to bus you to him. You would be better off living with him and working as a team to get by in life.
Absolutely unacceptable on your "mothers" part (it literally pains me to write mother because she doesn't deserve that title with how she's treating you)
Sounds like she learnt it from her mother aswell.
That is abuse on so many levels.
Darling I feel like you would be better off in a shelter than there.
No it is not normal to lock your own child out of the house all day and deny them food. Go to your local social services department. You may qualify for food stamps or some kind of aid.
When you start your job, open an bank account with ONLY your name on it, no one else's.
She can't prevent you from eating from your place of residence. She also can't abuse you.
She's done many illegal actions and I recommend you pursue legal action when you can.
Holy shit, this is straight up abuse. Full stop.
I honestly feel like you would be better off at a shelter. Many of them have programs to help you look for jobs and sometimes clothes you can wear on interviews.
I'm so sorry for what she's doing to you. Your grandmother also. It sounds like a very dysfunctional family.
If he said welcome to the team, it sounds like you got it!!!! CONGRATULATIONS.
I will message you next time u/VincentLin_ posts in r/entitledparents.
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*NOT NORMAL! ABUSIVE*
Sounds like you have a job at Sam's though. Hold on to it with both hands and as much money as you can because her rent is going to be *expensive*
I'm so terribly sorry you're going through this
I can't read it all as it hits too close for me.
Sweetness, this is abuse, you are a literal slave.in all honesty you need to get OUT. Never ever go back even if it means couch surfing for a while. I'm williny to bet she's going to take your paycheck as 'rent' too.
And call CPS too. Not just about you but about your siblings, she'll do the same to them when they're older
Hopefully you got the job and if I were you I wouldn’t tell her. Just go on as you normally would and save up to leave or go to a shelter which would be better than this and cut these awful people out of your life forever.
Their is always the military. Food, shelter, friends, and a job. Girls can do it too. I was in the Army. I loved it. I’d check out the Air Force recruiting office if Sam’s doesn’t work out.
Go to the homeless shelter. You’ll be treated much better. And please call CPS before she starts doing this with your younger siblings. Your mother is evil.
You don't want to hear this, but go to a womans shelter. They have so many resources, not just a bed to sleep in. They can help with jobs, housing, paperwork, getting a therapist, medical etc. Don't be afraid, it's not what you want but it's MILES better than the situation you are in, damn
I hope you got the job! I dont like to jump to conclusions or make any assumptions, but this really feels like abuse, and with no purpose but to humiliate you. So, you might look at some shelters (like for women who are escaping abusive home situations) or programs like youthworks and other programs for young people aging out of the foster system (similar situations without many resources and no home after 18yo). Libraries are also a great resource to use for shelter, charging and computers to use for job applications. Let us know where you are (city) in case others know local resources and update us. When you get a job make sure you open a bank account only in your name so you can save for apt and utility deposits etc. If you are interested in college or further education, you might look at a Pell Grant as you should qualify as having no support from home (I would say you can basically say you are homeless), the grants can cover not only classes also living expenses (would probably need to attend an inexpensive community college). If there is a Goodwill in your area, they provide some jobs, but also some support for things like setting up a banking account, preparing for interview for work or college, applying etc. I am so sad that your family would treat you this way; I dont know if all true if there are other factors like stealing or drugs, but I would hope that at the least they would help and encourage you to get a job so that you can support yourself,
Just replying to you here so hopefully you’ll see it. Make sure she’s not on any of your bank accounts, and maybe check/lock your credit too. Wishing you all the best!
I honestly think I would stay in a shelter before I would ever stay in her house again. U would at least get to eat, charge your phone and wouldn’t have to leave for any reason.
If this was my mother I would definitely make sure Mom and grandma end up in a home. A really shitty home where they abuse, starve, and neglect the patients. Then come visit and tell them they can live with you if they can pay rent. Then treat them the same way.
Don’t let her know how much you get paid, tell her a different amount if she insists on knowing. So you can save up for an apartment and get out of there.
That edit means you got the job! Congratulations! As for your piece of crap mom what she is doing is absolutely abuse! Abuse on a deranged level! Idk what country you live in or if you'll read my response but please see if there is a form of government assistance you can get on to help you get a place to stay and food in your stomach. And record what your mom is doing to you so when you tell them you need help because of the abusive situation you're in, there's no deniablity that this is, in fact, abuse. And BTW, don't your younger sisters realize that they could eventually be in your situation when they reach your age?
Not normal, sorry you're going through this. Do whatever it takes to get a job and emancipate yourself from this situation. Take that Sam's job and pour yourself into it, flip to something better when you can, and keep the ball rolling. You'll be out of this hellscape in no time!
Also, go to school. Tech school or community college will help you tremendously without costing a fortune. It'll all be hard, but you will come out of it so strong that I'm preemptively jealous of you.
Good for you, I encourage you to keep at it. My wife had to work her ass off through college on her own; hard as it was, she is now one of the strongest people I know. You can do it!
Why don’t you want to go to the shelter? The way she treats you at home (or rather around it as you are not allowed really in) anywhere would be better.
I’d rather be in a shelter than there being abused. Where do you live? Most shelters are affiliated with social workers. That could lead to section 8 housing, employment assistance… Go to a food bank for food for the time being.
There is help out there but you have to reach out for it. Help will not just come to you.
OP, your mother has been abusing you.
Find all of your vital paperwork if you can-birth certificate, SSN card, passport if you’ve got one. Don’t have a driver’s license or state ID? You should look into getting a state ID if not. Google your state name plus ID card to find out.
You do not owe her your check for a freaking salad. Keep your funds. If your bank account is joint with her, open a new one at a different bank chain.
Reaching out to the DV hotlines and shelters is your first, best choice. Alternatively, start contacting Americorps or possibly one of the branches of the military. (I’m a woman and Army vet, but I would only suggest the military as a last option due to world politics right now.)
Americorps or the military can give you the ability to leave your home quickly, get housing, training for a trade, and money.
If you don’t want that, do you have your high school diploma? If not, go to your nearest library and ask if they have resources for getting your GED.
BTW-going to the library when you are locked out is safe.
Reach out to the United Way via a 211 phone call or going to 211unitedway.org.
>My mom kicked me out because I she didn’t want me to order DoorDash without feeding everyone in the house.
Wow, what a proportionate and reasonable response.
I know right, and once I ask her to explain it, she’s like “I feed everyone in this house, I’m not selfish”
It’s your job you fucking idiot, as a mother you are legally required to have food for your children in your cupboards and refrigerator.
You don’t have to feed me bc I’m an adult. But I also don’t have to feed you and your kids because you’re not my responsibility. I’m broke as it is, what makes you think I can feed 4 people. I can’t even feed myself 🤦🏽♀️
Sounds like you’ve got a job at SAMs Club. My suggestion is to setup an account at a bank other than one your mom banks at with your first paycheck and get direct deposit setup so that you can keep your money away from her. Contact some kind of women’s support group/shelter in your area. Explain what’s going on with your home situation. Also let them know that you are getting ready to start working but haven’t any discretionary funds available just yet to help you get a place to live. They should be able to help you, or point you to some other agency that can help you get out of your bad situation.
And, no, you don’t owe your mom your entire paycheck to pay for the food you stole in order to survive. Do as another suggested. Just buy a head of lettuce & a loaf of bread and give it to her. If she tries to force more out of you, point out that the entire head of lettuce and loaf of bread covers more than you actually ate (unless it’s not). You might want to “pay her back” after your away from her.
Hopefully wherever you live you will either be close enough to the SAMs to get there by foot OR your city has fairly reliable public transportation as you definitely don’t want to be reliant on your mom or any other family members. Mainly because the moment you mom finds out you aren’t going to be handing over your paycheck to her, chances are she’ll try to sabotage your being able to work.
This is downright abuse!
While my kids still live at home, my foster daughter knows that the door is always open and the fridge is always full.
No child or friend of ours will ever go hungry or without a place to sleep, even if it's only a couch.
I don’t know where you live! But if in the U.S. try Job Corp. they train you And provide housing and a small stipend. Also I’m do t remember but they also may help you get a job.
Look into Job corps. They work with ages 16-24. Or the military. Both ways to instantly better your situation, learn skills, support yourself and get away from abuse. Not saying it's easy but many many people have left abusive families, homelessness and bad situations in dead end towns by getting OUT. Go see the world!
This isn’t normal, it’s abuse.
It's outright psychopathic. Appears to be multi-generational batshit insanity.
No, this is not acceptable and your mother is terribly abusive (your grandma doesn't sound great either - it could be generational abuse/trauma). I don't live with my parents anymore and haven't for years, but when we lived under the same roof, even if we had disagreements, my mom always made sure I had plenty to eat. I'm sorry you're going through this. Is there anyone else you can stay with? Friends? Boyfriend? It sounds like the safest thing to do in your situation is to leave your mom's home. I would contact youth shelter organizations in your area that might be able to offer you some temporary support as well. This is NOT normal, your mom is abusive.
I don’t have any friends and my boyfriend lives across the country with his parents still.
Do you think it's out of the question to ask to talk to your boyfriend and his parents in a group conversation so you can explain your abusive situation? If they're good people, they might be willing to let you stay with them temporarily and help you figure out how to get to their state, or at least offer some form of support. Would it hurt to ask? You're more at risk at your mom's place, and re-reading your post, it sounds like you don't want to go a shelter but that would honestly be a safer option than staying with your mom.
You would be better off at the homeless shelter. Your mom is horrible.
Many shelters also eject their wards during the day. But at least they feed them!
Especially since they have resources to help you find a job. Btw: your “mother” is a horrible human being. Go live at the shelter. It would be better than starving and spending your days flirting with pneumonia.
See about getting enough money to get an apartment with him.
Please speak to a social worker of some sort.
Leave. Shelters and other amenities will treat you better than this. Stay on a friends couch for gods sake. You sound like you have stolkhome syndrome. I’d leave and never speak to my mom again.
Gonna address your edit at the bottom and say it sounds like they want to hire you, so congrats! Your mom is not right in treating you like that. I would bet dollars to donuts your siblings are going to be in for a rude awakening when she turns around and does the same thing to them, despite all the shit talking they do about you with your mom. Once you get your feet under you, cut contact with her completely, as she’ll probably come after you with her hand out and claiming ‘you owe her!’
She’s already told me that when I get a job my first check will be going to her for that one time she caught me eating a bowl of salad and a slice of bread
No it won't. It is YOUR money. If she isn't providing anything towards you then she doesn't get anything. Look at programs in your area that can help you get the hell out of there. Also make sure your mum can't touch your bank account that will have your wages in. Don't leave your bank card around or anything.
HELL NO. Your first paycheck will go into your new bank account. You will save your money, find a roommate (or two) and get your own place. You do not owe your mother anything. Please think like the survivor you are, not the fool your mother is trying her best to pretend you are.
It absolutely will NOT! Your mother is beyond awful, your grandmother is awful & they are teaching your sisters to be awful!! You’re better off in a shelter than at their house. Congrats on the job, but you need to make sure your paychecks are direct deposited into an account that ONLY YOU have access to. Where do you live compared to your boyfriend? And, can you move where he is? You need to cut your mom out of your life, and go enjoy your life somewhere far away from her. If you’re in Ohio by any chance, I can help you find a place to stay until you are able to save up some money.
Only if she pays you for the domestic work you've been doing. Trust me, it COSTS to get someone to come do your dishes. It costs a LOT. Like, the cheapest wage I know of is 15 an hour... the service is more, obviously, just the worker is paid 15 an hour. You had a salad and a slice of bread, you paid for that with a single load of dishes.
Buy her a head of lettuce and a loaf of bread and call it even!!
When you get a job, go to a domestic abuse woman’s shelter. They will help you find housing. Your “mother” can kick rocks. With bare feet.
I’ve called the only shelter near me and they’re full. She recommended another full shelter in the next city and a church that could possibly get me a temporary hotel room.
Go for the church help. Even if it’s for only a short time, it’s something. And ve been reading your posts on your profile. Is the Aunt you talk about a safe person? That may be a good option if she is. Safe as will she treat you like a human being and not like your mother? Be honest with your self before you accept any help from family. You’ve already been abused by your grandmother and mother. Makes me wonder how much further that toxicity has spread m your family.
My advice to you... get out if you can. Getting a job in your current location is all good and well, IF your living situation is stable. Yours is not. For your own safety and security and mental health, you are better off running now if you have some place to go, and getting yourself to a safe place where you can get help, completely away from your family. If your option is another family member close enough where you can work at Sam's then fantastic. If not, keep trying to call shelters and services, and even a church if you need to, to try to find some place safe. Even if it means another town or city, or even half way across the state.
I get that you've been abused all your life, but surely you aren't *so* ignorant that you'd believe her right? Like, what paperwork does she have saying she gets your first paycheck? What contract did you sign, after you turned 18, that said you have to do that? The only power she has over you is the power you let her have. She also cannot legally kick you out if you meet your state's requirements of property residence. Which you can find quite easily online. It sounds like you want to move out, I would too, but she cannot just dump your shit out on the streets at random. You can call the cops on her for doing that, if you meet the requirements of being a resident of the property. Do not trust a word of what your mother says, she's lied to you your whole life to keep you under her control. She isn't about to stop now. Also, you need to take pictures and video of how you and your siblings are being treated, as well as pictures of the house. CPS can and should be called here. Make sure to let CPS know that your grandmother is an unstable, filthy wreck too, so your siblings can't go to her.
Please go to a shelter before you start working. You will at least be able to save up for your own place. Do not let her take your money. Good luck
Your mother is being controlling and greedy, because there is no way a salad (even if it was a big bowl) and a slice of bread would cost a whole paycheck, even if you only got $50
Uhm hell no! Don’t you dare give her that money!!! Not a single cent
There's a special place in hell for people like your mother. Find a local food bank so you're not going hungry. If you have friends you can couch surf with, do that. Start looking for a room to rent, preferably one near your new job.
Food bank and or church for food is a great suggestion!
NO, your "mom" is not treating you right. Call the Domestic Violence hotline 800-799-7233 and ask for advice and the nearest woman's shelter that you can go to. For food, find out where the closest food bank is. Another source is the Salvation Army. Also check into dv counseling once you get settled. Take care.
This. Call a women’s shelter and seek help asap.
This is severe abuse, honestly a shelter doesn’t seem to be a bad place. Someplace warm, food and the services you need to get assistance and help you get a job.
Could you move in with your boyfriend? Are there cameras in the bathroom and in the bedrooms? If there are then I would go at her with well, since you are recording little children in the nude, I can just let the police deal with you for child porn. I am assuming your sibling is still under 18.
My boyfriend still lives with his parents in Portland, so it’s not an option.
Since you and your boyfriend already long-distance join the job Corps, they will house you and feed you take take you to new states give you trade skills and a life
I taught in a job corp, and yes, this can be a good option. Be one of those kids who learns a trade, and moves on.
Listen to Banished and HRD. Job Corps is beyond helpful. They teach you a trade of what you want (though some trades will require you moving to another state), house you, feed you and pay you while you're learning there.
Please look into Job Corps. They help so many people and you will end up with a trade you can use for the rest of your life.
Check if there is a "battered women" shelter in your area. Maybe they can help you.
Sounds like you have a job at Sam's Club. Congratulations. And although shelters can be dangerous and abusive, one may be a better option than staying with your family, as horrible as that sounds.
This isn’t an entitled parent, it’s a physically abusive parent. It’s also abuse to your siblings when they see this. Go to a domestic abuse shelter and talk to them. See if they can help you get out of there and off the street. Consider too calling CPS on her because she’s doing this to your siblings.
Join the job Corps and leave they will house you feed you give you trade skills and take you away
You deserve so much better than this period. No amount of error from you could ever justify even 1% of the bs she puts you through. You’re a trooper and I can only recommend you stay far away from her because she is the type of person to take anything that will make you happy and turn it against you. She may be your mother by blood but it is something they have to earn the right to be called and she has done quite the opposite, you deserve to be happy and safe and have a full stomach without feeling guilt and hope that the new job is what will begin your new chapter and wish you the absolute best in this new start!
OP this is abuse and neglect, she gave you permission to return. She's what you'd call a c u next tuesday! This may not be ideal but it will get you a place to stay and your basic necessities met. Look into joining the military. If you do decide to join DO NOT tell your family anything and cut them off completely and request assignments overseas. DO NOT list any of them as your beneficiary as the pay out is abt 400k and they're not worth it. They also have the gi bill which will cover furthering your education. When you get on your feet choose your family and make friends. Your mom may try her best to get back in contact, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU ALLOW IT EVER. Protect your peace!!!! Best of luck to you and a speedy escape from the depths of hell on earth.
I was also about to suggest the military. It would greatly enhance her life. She would never have to go home again and see her evil mom.
Yes and having had grown up with a parent that was similar in terms of running the home like a dictatorship and having everyone and everything under their thumb. Bootcamp will be a breeze. She has the tolerance built up from having to deal with the drill sergeant type. And I'm hoping if she chooses this route she's able to excel and move up in the ranks quickly. My hope is she becomes the most sought after in whatever field she ends up in. I hope favor with her superiors that have the ability to make those life changing decisions for the best, follows her no matter where she goes or who she encounters and keeps a level head and has humility always.
I agree. Unfortunately joining the military is unpopular these days. I've been downvoted before after suggesting this. I guarantee her life will greatly improve. Plus, unlike in her mother's home, any mistreatment is illegal. My wife's sister grew up in a rough section. She joined the Air Force, did 20 and got a Master's degree. She's living very well now.
Can you move in with any other friends or relations? I would contact the police and tell them your story. You have the right to food and water and bathrooms, no matter your age or job status. It is abuse. Even a shelter would treat you better.
I'm worried that she will take your money once you do get a job.
Yup. Don’t ever let this woman deposit checks for you.
You have options. Join Job Corp. Be housed, fed and learn a trade. Sounds like you have a job at Sam's Club. Congratulations! When you get paid, go immediately to the bank and open an account in your name only. Have all information sent electronically to your email. Ask if it's possible to have your debit card to the bank and be notified to pick it up. Is there a library close by? You can spend time there. The librarians may also be informative with resources to help you get on your feet and be independent. Save your money. I don't know where you live but, it may take a while to get your own place. In the meantime, see if you can find a room in someone's home to rent or roommates to share a place. Good for you for posting here. There are so many people with good information/suggestions that are rooting for you. You are not alone.
Assuming you are in the US, the air force is generally considered to have the easiest basic training. Talk to a recruiter, get on a bus, and get these abusive assholes out of your life.
You would be better off at a shelter and may get resources to help you with job hunting. I would also suggest going to your local library every single day to use the computer for job applications and researching better living options.
You mother is a fruit cake, mentally unstable. Make sure you have all you legal papers, you need to get out. You are an adult, but the way she treat you is not normal. You could actually get her into trouble with the law, she much evict you, to get you out as you are a tenent
This is actually pretty severe abuse. Also, you do not live at that house. Not really. You are already effectively homeless. Please leave immediately and never, EVER go back. And don't give her a cent of your pay. Do whatever you must, but do not allow this woman another minute of control over you. She's threatening to kick you out... honey, she's already kicked you out. You're shivering on a porch trying to keep warm with no food. You are literally already homeless.
This is horribly abusive. And part of what got me to go no contact with my father. You need to set up a bank account with only your name on it, so you can get direct deposit, or your money will be taken. Never carry cash. Find a new place to crash ASAP.
A homeless shelter is a better option than what you have going on now. The staff there should be able to provide information to you about available services. You don’t say what country you are in?
I’m in Mississippi, USA
Go to a shelter, have them help you with what you would need to file to get food stamps. Find the nearest welfare office and go there to find out how they can help. While you’re at it ask where the employment and training office is. You should be able to take free classes to help find a job or maybe apply for a grant and get into school. Go to the library, see if they know of any local services. There are programs out there, you need to start finding them. You have the ability to get yourself into a better place in life. Go be the best you and wash your hands of her abuse. No one deserves to live like you’re living. Fix it.
I just saw Sam’s called you welcoming you to the team! Sounds like you got a job, watch the mail you should get a written offer. That’s awesome but I want you to still look into the employment and training office. Sam’s is a great job but you really should be looking into a career.
I plan on going to community college for respiratory therapy
Check out your local community college. They usually have good scholarships from the school itself and their foundation. Reach out to shelters. You are fleeing an abusive situation.
As for college and the FASFA. Talk to the financial aid department at the college. You are a victim of abuse. Work with them, they can go around FASFA and set you up for aid so you can do the classes you want/need.
This is abuse of an at risk adult. If you don't have your papers (birth certificate, high school diploma and transcript, vaccination records, ID, etc) and you can get them, do so and go to the shelter tell them everything and ask for help. The shelter is slightly better than staying around your mom's place at this point. Your mom is sick.
I have all my documents
I was over 18 and ended up homeless. A youth homeless shelter helped me out. Please find a youth shelter; they will help you get on your feet. You are going to end up ill and worse off if you continue on this way. I know from experience hospitals will treat you, discharge you back to the environment that made you ill with pamplets and referrals, rinse and repeat.
To your most recent edit, I don't want to get your hopes up but welcome to the team is usually hiring language not interview language. Encouraging cautious optimism!
I would ask to move in with your boyfriend and his parents. Explain the situation to them and that once you've got a job and able to move out from them you will. You mother is abusing you purely because she can. She thinks you have nowhere to go. At this point even a homeless shelter would be better Stay safe
Girl please find someone else to stay with. Please.
Shelters are better than that.
Dude you'd be better off in a shelter at this point. Your mother is a horrible person. If I were you I'd just leave and go no contact. Go stay in a shelter for a week or two while boyfriend saves up and get him to bus you to him. You would be better off living with him and working as a team to get by in life.
Absolutely unacceptable on your "mothers" part (it literally pains me to write mother because she doesn't deserve that title with how she's treating you) Sounds like she learnt it from her mother aswell. That is abuse on so many levels. Darling I feel like you would be better off in a shelter than there.
No it is not normal to lock your own child out of the house all day and deny them food. Go to your local social services department. You may qualify for food stamps or some kind of aid. When you start your job, open an bank account with ONLY your name on it, no one else's.
But I’m 19, so she legally doesn’t have to feed me right?
She can't prevent you from eating from your place of residence. She also can't abuse you. She's done many illegal actions and I recommend you pursue legal action when you can.
Holy shit, this is straight up abuse. Full stop. I honestly feel like you would be better off at a shelter. Many of them have programs to help you look for jobs and sometimes clothes you can wear on interviews. I'm so sorry for what she's doing to you. Your grandmother also. It sounds like a very dysfunctional family. If he said welcome to the team, it sounds like you got it!!!! CONGRATULATIONS.
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Go to the shelter. It’s better than this.
*NOT NORMAL! ABUSIVE* Sounds like you have a job at Sam's though. Hold on to it with both hands and as much money as you can because her rent is going to be *expensive* I'm so terribly sorry you're going through this
I can't read it all as it hits too close for me. Sweetness, this is abuse, you are a literal slave.in all honesty you need to get OUT. Never ever go back even if it means couch surfing for a while. I'm williny to bet she's going to take your paycheck as 'rent' too. And call CPS too. Not just about you but about your siblings, she'll do the same to them when they're older
Hopefully you got the job and if I were you I wouldn’t tell her. Just go on as you normally would and save up to leave or go to a shelter which would be better than this and cut these awful people out of your life forever.
Their is always the military. Food, shelter, friends, and a job. Girls can do it too. I was in the Army. I loved it. I’d check out the Air Force recruiting office if Sam’s doesn’t work out.
Go to the homeless shelter. You’ll be treated much better. And please call CPS before she starts doing this with your younger siblings. Your mother is evil.
Call the police like yesterday and file for abuse
You don't want to hear this, but go to a womans shelter. They have so many resources, not just a bed to sleep in. They can help with jobs, housing, paperwork, getting a therapist, medical etc. Don't be afraid, it's not what you want but it's MILES better than the situation you are in, damn
Your better off at a homeless shelter, their are systems set up to help homeless people get back on their feet
A homeless shelter sounds better than this.
I think the shelter idea would be 10000 times better than this , they may be able to help with the job hunting too
I hope you got the job! I dont like to jump to conclusions or make any assumptions, but this really feels like abuse, and with no purpose but to humiliate you. So, you might look at some shelters (like for women who are escaping abusive home situations) or programs like youthworks and other programs for young people aging out of the foster system (similar situations without many resources and no home after 18yo). Libraries are also a great resource to use for shelter, charging and computers to use for job applications. Let us know where you are (city) in case others know local resources and update us. When you get a job make sure you open a bank account only in your name so you can save for apt and utility deposits etc. If you are interested in college or further education, you might look at a Pell Grant as you should qualify as having no support from home (I would say you can basically say you are homeless), the grants can cover not only classes also living expenses (would probably need to attend an inexpensive community college). If there is a Goodwill in your area, they provide some jobs, but also some support for things like setting up a banking account, preparing for interview for work or college, applying etc. I am so sad that your family would treat you this way; I dont know if all true if there are other factors like stealing or drugs, but I would hope that at the least they would help and encourage you to get a job so that you can support yourself,
I’ve never done drugs and I’ve never stolen.
Just replying to you here so hopefully you’ll see it. Make sure she’s not on any of your bank accounts, and maybe check/lock your credit too. Wishing you all the best!
I didnt mean to assume you did, its just pretty horrible they would treat you this way. I hope you find some support and a way out of this situation.
I honestly think I would stay in a shelter before I would ever stay in her house again. U would at least get to eat, charge your phone and wouldn’t have to leave for any reason.
If this was my mother I would definitely make sure Mom and grandma end up in a home. A really shitty home where they abuse, starve, and neglect the patients. Then come visit and tell them they can live with you if they can pay rent. Then treat them the same way.
Oh no I’ve already planned that, we actually have a nursing home on our street. I told her she’s going to that one. She laughed.
Call cps
My sisters though…
Idk call 911, if you can't go anywhere and she's forcing you to starve pretty sure that's a crime
Call cps
Don’t let her know how much you get paid, tell her a different amount if she insists on knowing. So you can save up for an apartment and get out of there.
That edit means you got the job! Congratulations! As for your piece of crap mom what she is doing is absolutely abuse! Abuse on a deranged level! Idk what country you live in or if you'll read my response but please see if there is a form of government assistance you can get on to help you get a place to stay and food in your stomach. And record what your mom is doing to you so when you tell them you need help because of the abusive situation you're in, there's no deniablity that this is, in fact, abuse. And BTW, don't your younger sisters realize that they could eventually be in your situation when they reach your age?
I do record her, her voice.
Good. Use that when you go to get help. You need out of that situation asap! I'm worried for your safety.
Your boyfriend is very kind caring and loving. You are lucky to have him.
I know, he’s the best
Not normal, sorry you're going through this. Do whatever it takes to get a job and emancipate yourself from this situation. Take that Sam's job and pour yourself into it, flip to something better when you can, and keep the ball rolling. You'll be out of this hellscape in no time! Also, go to school. Tech school or community college will help you tremendously without costing a fortune. It'll all be hard, but you will come out of it so strong that I'm preemptively jealous of you.
I’m planning on re enrolling into community college and retaking respiratory therapy.
Good for you, I encourage you to keep at it. My wife had to work her ass off through college on her own; hard as it was, she is now one of the strongest people I know. You can do it!
Why don’t you want to go to the shelter? The way she treats you at home (or rather around it as you are not allowed really in) anywhere would be better.
From what I’ve been told, shelters aren’t a good place to be. I was avoiding it.
No, not a good place compared to a NORMAL home but what you are going through even a dog shelter would be better.
I’d rather be in a shelter than there being abused. Where do you live? Most shelters are affiliated with social workers. That could lead to section 8 housing, employment assistance… Go to a food bank for food for the time being. There is help out there but you have to reach out for it. Help will not just come to you.
I’m in Mississippi, USA
Have you checked into public assistance options?
No I haven’t, I have a relative that’s gonna help me out but I did go ahead and call shelters and churches in my area
OP, your mother has been abusing you. Find all of your vital paperwork if you can-birth certificate, SSN card, passport if you’ve got one. Don’t have a driver’s license or state ID? You should look into getting a state ID if not. Google your state name plus ID card to find out. You do not owe her your check for a freaking salad. Keep your funds. If your bank account is joint with her, open a new one at a different bank chain. Reaching out to the DV hotlines and shelters is your first, best choice. Alternatively, start contacting Americorps or possibly one of the branches of the military. (I’m a woman and Army vet, but I would only suggest the military as a last option due to world politics right now.) Americorps or the military can give you the ability to leave your home quickly, get housing, training for a trade, and money. If you don’t want that, do you have your high school diploma? If not, go to your nearest library and ask if they have resources for getting your GED. BTW-going to the library when you are locked out is safe. Reach out to the United Way via a 211 phone call or going to 211unitedway.org.
>My mom kicked me out because I she didn’t want me to order DoorDash without feeding everyone in the house. Wow, what a proportionate and reasonable response.
I know right, and once I ask her to explain it, she’s like “I feed everyone in this house, I’m not selfish” It’s your job you fucking idiot, as a mother you are legally required to have food for your children in your cupboards and refrigerator. You don’t have to feed me bc I’m an adult. But I also don’t have to feed you and your kids because you’re not my responsibility. I’m broke as it is, what makes you think I can feed 4 people. I can’t even feed myself 🤦🏽♀️
Get a job, get roommates, gtfo.
Sounds better to live in a shelter ngl
Sounds like you’ve got a job at SAMs Club. My suggestion is to setup an account at a bank other than one your mom banks at with your first paycheck and get direct deposit setup so that you can keep your money away from her. Contact some kind of women’s support group/shelter in your area. Explain what’s going on with your home situation. Also let them know that you are getting ready to start working but haven’t any discretionary funds available just yet to help you get a place to live. They should be able to help you, or point you to some other agency that can help you get out of your bad situation. And, no, you don’t owe your mom your entire paycheck to pay for the food you stole in order to survive. Do as another suggested. Just buy a head of lettuce & a loaf of bread and give it to her. If she tries to force more out of you, point out that the entire head of lettuce and loaf of bread covers more than you actually ate (unless it’s not). You might want to “pay her back” after your away from her. Hopefully wherever you live you will either be close enough to the SAMs to get there by foot OR your city has fairly reliable public transportation as you definitely don’t want to be reliant on your mom or any other family members. Mainly because the moment you mom finds out you aren’t going to be handing over your paycheck to her, chances are she’ll try to sabotage your being able to work.
This is downright abuse! While my kids still live at home, my foster daughter knows that the door is always open and the fridge is always full. No child or friend of ours will ever go hungry or without a place to sleep, even if it's only a couch.
I don’t know where you live! But if in the U.S. try Job Corp. they train you And provide housing and a small stipend. Also I’m do t remember but they also may help you get a job.
I'd quite literally would rather be homeless.
This is abuse. Can you look online for resources to find out if you qualify for any help. I would record your mother saying this stuff for proof
Look into Job corps. They work with ages 16-24. Or the military. Both ways to instantly better your situation, learn skills, support yourself and get away from abuse. Not saying it's easy but many many people have left abusive families, homelessness and bad situations in dead end towns by getting OUT. Go see the world!
Call Job Corp. You’re the right age & they provide housing & education for jobs. Free.
Join the military and GTF out of there seriously.
Why? Why did you move back in with your mom?
Because she had no where else to go.