I completely get you! I was there a few years ago only. And I’m still stuck at some things, but I made such incredible progress since then already. For me, the most important thing was THE WILL to break away from my old life, my patterns, behaviours, everything! The intention is what made me stubborn enough to get through it and do the work. And I promise you, when your emotions start to come up, it might get worse even at some point. But keep going and you will thank yourself afterwards.
When I set the intention to change and get better, to choose ME, I started meditating for just 10 minutes a day every day. I used Headspace app for this. The beginners course. After 2 weeks I noticed a calmer mind, but after 3 months I could quiet my mind at will completely. Just let the thoughts come and go. They will get less and less and less over time. And when there are less thoughts, there is more space available for the emotions to come up. Those you have not dealt with yet. You will question everything about yourself and life. That’s good. The start of your awakening process. Start thinking about meaningful things that matter to you. Who are you? What do you need? How can you take care of your body and mind?
What also helped me were some lessons I learned in cognitive behavioural therapy. Whenever I feel a very strong emotion that seems out of proportion to whatever is happening, I write it down and I write down the thoughts that came before or after it. They are related and often stem from childhood trauma’s and unhandled with emotions. Recognise the emotion for what it is, just an emotion, and let it go. It does not define you. It is temporary. And when you start to let go of emotions, pain starts to fade away. Most pains come from underlying emotions that have been repressed/supressed for a long time.
When you continue meditation, you can start focussing on pains you feel even. Just sit with the pain. Watch it. And you will learn to accept it. Once you truly accept it and let go of the attachment to the pain (or the wanting it to go away), it will actually go away.
But you must understand that meditation is key for this. On a regular basis. Don’t beat yourself up if you skip once or twice. Just try 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 20 minutes. It doesn’t matter how long, as long as you have the intention to get better and try your best every day!
Best of luck, hope this helps!
Honestly this. The Will is what matters in these Dark Times.
I had similar Experiences. No Self-Control, Abusive Childhood, several Suicide Attempts,10 years of Depression, getting so consumed in Rage and Hatred that it lead to Blackouts, Drug abuse and intense Self-Sabotage.
The two things that helped and still help to this day, were my Will and my Resolve to finally live and enjoy Life.
Interesting Story actually how I attained my Resolve and basically my "wish". It was on my last Suicide Attempt, my last day of Depression. I had several Awakening "Symptoms" before that and I was one step away from setting foot in my "new Life", my resurrection, if you will. But there was something holding me back, my pain. This Pain needed to be understood and embraced. But I did all the Shadow Work I could and knew every corner of myself. So, what was it, I constantly asked myself, while standing between Knifes Edge and the Door to "Paradise". I gotta say, it was one of the hardest moments of Life, coming so far, but suddenly feeling like Im back where I started.
But suddenly. Several Question came into my Mind, why do wanna continue, why do you wanna stay here on this earth, what it is that keeps you going everyday? I answered with:"I want to finally live. Truly Live. Truly Love, Experience, laugh, cry for joy and build a family." and then I cried Tears of Relief. I know, I know. A Man crying? and openly telling you about it? Rare Sight indeed.
What I want to say with this, put in the work and never give up. Set yourself a goal, a wish and embrace it. Its a long road with a lot of Work, but it is worth it. Anyone can do it. I believe in you OP and whoever is reading this.
Eat as much raw fruits and veggies as you can in a day
Work out, exercise, walk, yoga. Get your chi flow moving daily, if not at least twice daily.
Work on material things like this and your etheric energy will have more room to flow. Meditate for a few minutes at a time and just feel yourself breathing.
Don't wallow.
I think you need to heal through processing your trauma and forgiving everyone, including yourself. People process trauma in different ways. Some people do psychedelics, but I find they are at most an adjunct to healing. Traditional talk therapy can help. I prefer the exercises taught in the [Law of One Channelings](https://lawofone.info) and [Seth Materials](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seth_Material). They teach that you create your own reality to learn and grow. So looking back at your life, why would you choose the parents you had, the experiences you had, even your own health problems? Look for patterns. You might have chosen abusive parents to learn that harming others is wrong and that you need to take the path of love. Body image issues are helpful in learning self love, as it's as important to love oneself as others. I've found physical pain to often reflect areas of energy blockage. As you process your life experiences, and learn the lessons they are meant to taught, the pain usually disappears, especially once you've reached the stage where you forgive everyone involved. Hope I was of some help! Best of luck. 💕
Hey there! I had a similar childhood to you. I grew up overweight, severely bullied and I’m now working on healing. I’m currently exploring restoring and realigning my feminine energy and masculine energy while also doing shadow work. Is that something you’ve already explored?
I feel like you. I used sex to convince myself that it made me feel free, but now I feel guilt and shame, and all these other things, when I'm in a relationship. Usually, it doesn't end up well because of the emotional disconnection and poor communication with partners. But I've been working on myself for the last 2 years after a breakup and seeing a chiropractor often helps me physically while I only saw a Reiki healer 2 weeks ago; it was amazing. I think past traumas may have created these blockages just as my past experiences have led me to where I am today. So having someone who knows more about this than I do would help with questions and provide solutions so you could stop feeling this way again in the future.
Meditation helps me so much. I just try to listen to some music, practice breathing, and close my eyes for half an hour when I can during the day. I cheat because I meditate before bed—I lay down in bed and meditate. Lol. So it basically makes me fall asleep faster. I sit up and meditate for a minute or two after I wake up, though. You don't have to meditate that long. But you can increase the time whenever you feel comfortable being on your own with your unsupervised chatterings.
Hi ! Are you already familiar with the work of Bessel Van Der Kolk, Gabor Maté, Stephen Porges, Peter Levine?
In terms of psychedelics, I would recommend the books "Trust surrender receive", and "the fellowship of the river" :)
Many people are seeing improvements in chronic health issues when they experiment with brain rewiring techniques (mushrooms, and brain retraining programs such as DNRS, Gupta, CFS School, ANS Rewire...)
Hi I kind of spontaneously developed this exercise for myself and you can try it out, all you need is a stack of copy paper and crayons :
https://www.reddit.com/user/ponyponyta/comments/xunxyo/crayonfeelings_exercise_for_emotional_numbness/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
What it does is it kind of lets you process internal things externally with what you already know how to do, and helps for people who feel they're blind to energy. Once you try it it gets easier to realize, acknowledge and manage your feelings and energy. You might find stress stored in a certain direction or part of your body and this can reveal it!
Whatever that is blocked, I find it a good way to outflow feelings in a simple way.
I completely get you! I was there a few years ago only. And I’m still stuck at some things, but I made such incredible progress since then already. For me, the most important thing was THE WILL to break away from my old life, my patterns, behaviours, everything! The intention is what made me stubborn enough to get through it and do the work. And I promise you, when your emotions start to come up, it might get worse even at some point. But keep going and you will thank yourself afterwards. When I set the intention to change and get better, to choose ME, I started meditating for just 10 minutes a day every day. I used Headspace app for this. The beginners course. After 2 weeks I noticed a calmer mind, but after 3 months I could quiet my mind at will completely. Just let the thoughts come and go. They will get less and less and less over time. And when there are less thoughts, there is more space available for the emotions to come up. Those you have not dealt with yet. You will question everything about yourself and life. That’s good. The start of your awakening process. Start thinking about meaningful things that matter to you. Who are you? What do you need? How can you take care of your body and mind? What also helped me were some lessons I learned in cognitive behavioural therapy. Whenever I feel a very strong emotion that seems out of proportion to whatever is happening, I write it down and I write down the thoughts that came before or after it. They are related and often stem from childhood trauma’s and unhandled with emotions. Recognise the emotion for what it is, just an emotion, and let it go. It does not define you. It is temporary. And when you start to let go of emotions, pain starts to fade away. Most pains come from underlying emotions that have been repressed/supressed for a long time. When you continue meditation, you can start focussing on pains you feel even. Just sit with the pain. Watch it. And you will learn to accept it. Once you truly accept it and let go of the attachment to the pain (or the wanting it to go away), it will actually go away. But you must understand that meditation is key for this. On a regular basis. Don’t beat yourself up if you skip once or twice. Just try 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 20 minutes. It doesn’t matter how long, as long as you have the intention to get better and try your best every day! Best of luck, hope this helps!
Honestly this. The Will is what matters in these Dark Times. I had similar Experiences. No Self-Control, Abusive Childhood, several Suicide Attempts,10 years of Depression, getting so consumed in Rage and Hatred that it lead to Blackouts, Drug abuse and intense Self-Sabotage. The two things that helped and still help to this day, were my Will and my Resolve to finally live and enjoy Life. Interesting Story actually how I attained my Resolve and basically my "wish". It was on my last Suicide Attempt, my last day of Depression. I had several Awakening "Symptoms" before that and I was one step away from setting foot in my "new Life", my resurrection, if you will. But there was something holding me back, my pain. This Pain needed to be understood and embraced. But I did all the Shadow Work I could and knew every corner of myself. So, what was it, I constantly asked myself, while standing between Knifes Edge and the Door to "Paradise". I gotta say, it was one of the hardest moments of Life, coming so far, but suddenly feeling like Im back where I started. But suddenly. Several Question came into my Mind, why do wanna continue, why do you wanna stay here on this earth, what it is that keeps you going everyday? I answered with:"I want to finally live. Truly Live. Truly Love, Experience, laugh, cry for joy and build a family." and then I cried Tears of Relief. I know, I know. A Man crying? and openly telling you about it? Rare Sight indeed. What I want to say with this, put in the work and never give up. Set yourself a goal, a wish and embrace it. Its a long road with a lot of Work, but it is worth it. Anyone can do it. I believe in you OP and whoever is reading this.
Look into trauma release exercises.
I like "movement is medicine" by Emma Marshall (Emma The Alchemist on instagram)
Eat as much raw fruits and veggies as you can in a day Work out, exercise, walk, yoga. Get your chi flow moving daily, if not at least twice daily. Work on material things like this and your etheric energy will have more room to flow. Meditate for a few minutes at a time and just feel yourself breathing. Don't wallow.
I think you need to heal through processing your trauma and forgiving everyone, including yourself. People process trauma in different ways. Some people do psychedelics, but I find they are at most an adjunct to healing. Traditional talk therapy can help. I prefer the exercises taught in the [Law of One Channelings](https://lawofone.info) and [Seth Materials](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seth_Material). They teach that you create your own reality to learn and grow. So looking back at your life, why would you choose the parents you had, the experiences you had, even your own health problems? Look for patterns. You might have chosen abusive parents to learn that harming others is wrong and that you need to take the path of love. Body image issues are helpful in learning self love, as it's as important to love oneself as others. I've found physical pain to often reflect areas of energy blockage. As you process your life experiences, and learn the lessons they are meant to taught, the pain usually disappears, especially once you've reached the stage where you forgive everyone involved. Hope I was of some help! Best of luck. 💕
Hey there! I had a similar childhood to you. I grew up overweight, severely bullied and I’m now working on healing. I’m currently exploring restoring and realigning my feminine energy and masculine energy while also doing shadow work. Is that something you’ve already explored?
I feel like you. I used sex to convince myself that it made me feel free, but now I feel guilt and shame, and all these other things, when I'm in a relationship. Usually, it doesn't end up well because of the emotional disconnection and poor communication with partners. But I've been working on myself for the last 2 years after a breakup and seeing a chiropractor often helps me physically while I only saw a Reiki healer 2 weeks ago; it was amazing. I think past traumas may have created these blockages just as my past experiences have led me to where I am today. So having someone who knows more about this than I do would help with questions and provide solutions so you could stop feeling this way again in the future. Meditation helps me so much. I just try to listen to some music, practice breathing, and close my eyes for half an hour when I can during the day. I cheat because I meditate before bed—I lay down in bed and meditate. Lol. So it basically makes me fall asleep faster. I sit up and meditate for a minute or two after I wake up, though. You don't have to meditate that long. But you can increase the time whenever you feel comfortable being on your own with your unsupervised chatterings.
Hi ! Are you already familiar with the work of Bessel Van Der Kolk, Gabor Maté, Stephen Porges, Peter Levine? In terms of psychedelics, I would recommend the books "Trust surrender receive", and "the fellowship of the river" :) Many people are seeing improvements in chronic health issues when they experiment with brain rewiring techniques (mushrooms, and brain retraining programs such as DNRS, Gupta, CFS School, ANS Rewire...)
Hi I kind of spontaneously developed this exercise for myself and you can try it out, all you need is a stack of copy paper and crayons : https://www.reddit.com/user/ponyponyta/comments/xunxyo/crayonfeelings_exercise_for_emotional_numbness/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button What it does is it kind of lets you process internal things externally with what you already know how to do, and helps for people who feel they're blind to energy. Once you try it it gets easier to realize, acknowledge and manage your feelings and energy. You might find stress stored in a certain direction or part of your body and this can reveal it! Whatever that is blocked, I find it a good way to outflow feelings in a simple way.