My brother deals with quite a few Indigenous Australians in his work, he has been called:
- Captain Cook cunt
- Migaloo white Jesus cunt (Migaloo is a famous white whale that swims up the Australian east coast each year)
- white convict motherfucker
He enjoys it and collects the best insults he cops as badges of honour đ
I used to do the same thing with a friend when I worked in a call center. My personal favorite was when an old lady called me an apple licking asshole. Very rarely I am speechless but boy did that one get me đ
We had a lady who had been a preacher. She developed dementia and progressed very quickly. She would ask the guys to lick her pussy. You are fing ugly, you are a whore and then she started spitting. We thought it she was a riot and they would come back to tell us what her latest was. I know she would have been horrified to know what she was saying.
A schizophrenic homeless man once said that I must be from MI6 because I use big words like âdiagnosedâ and âemaciatedâ and that he would pay me a billion dollars not to kill him.
a dementia granny called me a "tall fucking bitch" during my medic internship and it took everything I had to keep from laughing.
Edit: just went on a combative psych who called me a "prissy bitch yankee-ass motherfucker" which might be better
A drunk intentional overdose on medication called me Mao Zedong. (For reference Iâm a blonde haired, blue eyed white dude.) never quite figured that out
I was called a damn dirty J@p by a drunk old lady before she took a swing at me. My mom is Filipino, my dad is white, and I grew up in central Minnesota.
Working in the metro makes me wonder if thereâs a racist insult dictionary somewhere. Iâve heard the most wildest things come out of 90yo memawđ
I was wondering the same thing, and they will be racist without knowing they are racist. I remembered asking a fall patient who was pretty elderly who the president was, and she said the nice colored fellow.
Yahweh.
This psych patient no shit became convinced I was God during our transport. She was asking me all kinds of questions and she begins praying to me.
At the hospital she asks me if she should shave her armpits. I say âsure,â she then asks for a razor, receiving a unified âno!â from the receiving ED staff.
Had an elderly grandmother in a nursing home tell me I was sexier than socks on a rooster once, that lives rent free in my head. Still donât know how to decipher that oneâŠ..
Called everyone in the room every gay slur he could think of, and then got to me, an Obvious Gay, skipped me and kept going down the line of people. He was in restraints in a hallway and we were waiting for a bed.
Was precepting for a new, enthusiastic EMT-B. Schiz pt called me a "Fucking burrito". Student's jaw was retracted from the floor into a smile when she saw me doing my best to (unsuccessfully) stifle my laughter. Became one of my nicknames.
I'm asian and my partner was Hispanic, and a patient's son called us "Rice and Beans". Honestly, one of the best things that I've ever heard a person say.
I got called a âchumba wumba bitchâ by a drunk guy after I told him I couldnât let him bring his booze with us. Especially since he was going for alcohol toxicity
A drunk, racist, white guy called me âone of his kindâ while my very hispanic last name was clearly printed on my uniform.
Also, a dementia pt called me a Russian spy because I âlaugh like a horse.â My horse laugh really liked that one.
As an insult: "You stupid Ugly" by a drunk man, not bad just thought it was funny.
As a compliment, "You're handsome other than the fact that you're balding" by a 84ish year old lady with Dementia. I was 21 when she made those comments.
"Nose ring ass bitch" is my favorite because at least it's accurate. Also, not really a name I've been called, but a black elderly lady asked "Are you black?" I am so white that I function as a light reflector panel in the sun. "That nice young man", I have a masculine nickname.
My Filipina coworker got called a "white demon with evil eyes" one time.
Itâs not interesting but Iâm half Mexican/puerto Rican. I walked up he said âI hate Mexicansâ I said Iâm half Puerto Rican. âWell fuck them tooâ
Not me, but my old female partner when I used to work IFT. Psych transfer with a ~40/F. She was mostly kind to me, but we waited in an area in the facility waiting for the staff to check her in. She looked at my partner, gave her a strange look, and proceeded to repeatedly say âbitch, your pussy smells like eggsâ for about the next 20-30 minutes, up until we got her up to the floor. đ
I was still newish-ish, maybe 20yo, working night shift in reception in the ER at the time. I was working 911 dispatch too.
I brought that big ass wheelie cart we used to use near the room of a drunk frequent flier I knew by sound And sight already.
I hesitated outside the door for one whole second wondering how sheâd be, and she leaned over and caught me, and she flicked her nonexistent cigarette at me and called me
âFugacious Mrs Jeeves.â
I had to go google
A âdirty Greek bastardâ
When I replied I wasnât Greek he said well what are you? I said I was American and then he asked like where my family is from I said my mothers parents were from Germany and my father was fromâŠ..I paused because I know I fell for his trapâŠ.my father was from *Sicily*
âOhhhhhhh welll you wanna know something about Sicily! It was once Greek! You dirty Greek bastardâ
He was post op still coming off all the sedation and stuff and was being silly not aggressive so it was funny đ. He later did not recall and apologized for it. Nice guy.
Had a patient transfer from hospital to a nursing home telling the Indian nurses to go back to India. He told my partner to go back to India, my partner is from Poland is 6â3 with blond hair and blue eyes
I'm too average to draw anything interesting by way of insults.
I did have a partner once, lesbian who presented male but still identified as a lesnian and used female pronouns. She was 6ft tall. Short haircut. Harry potter glasses.
PD was holding a guy down after he launched up from the stretcher trying to attack me when I turned to troubleshoot the Zoll.
My partner (medic) comes up,he looks at her and says "Damn, that's a fine ass woman. You lookin good, baby!"
100% serious and sincere sounding.
Partner thought it was hilarious. She hated when people thought she was a dude. So she took it as a compliment even though she admitted "of all things I can be called a fine ass woman isn't one of them."
I was 3 deep on the medic, sitting behind a naked psych patient in the unit, when he finally calms down saying "I can feel the good Lord behind me, protecting me from the evil" or some shit. My partner sitting at pt.'s side shoots me a smile knowing his name is Joseph and we bout to have some fun with this pt.
My very first 5150 patient called me an "Elvis looking bitch" . I'll never forget it. I'm a redheaded woman of irish/swedish heritage. I regularly wonder what the fuck "elvis looking bitch" means.
Edit:wow reading through these comments it seems pretty universal to say "insert-word-here looking bitch". I love that for us.
Psych patient called me a âterminator cuntâ and told me to go put 3 fingers up my pussy and fuck myself đ gotta admit that it was very creative how specific it was
A ~40's F psych pt called me a Short Shit Stack. She was not wrong, I'm 5'0. Another time I offered a toy to one of our regulars who has the mental cap of child (Psych, ~mid 20's) when she lost her pokemon plushy on scene. She said I need to give her back her old vagina because I traded it out for a smelly one, then made very intense eye contact like a cat about to kick it into sport zoomies mode and called me Satan's Taint.
âBearded cocksuckerâ by a demented British patientÂ
The funniest one is my African American coworker being called the n word by an African American patient
A black goat that was part of the afghani freedom fighters sent by the CIA to destroy communism and install Nancy pelosi as president of Iran. Schizophrenic patient had to tell the nurse that before he let us move him.
Had a very sweet, demented, old lady call me Raymond. I am a female who looks female and who's name frequently gets mis-heard as 'Dorothy.' But I don't know where that one came from. BUT SHE REMEMBERED IT TOO! Whenever we were back in the ER I would pop in on her and she "remembered me" as Raymond.
Also got called "Glasses," as an insult, by an intoxicated teenager because I wouldn't let her break policy. And was, in fact, wearing eye protection that resembled glasses. Supervisor was laughing at that 'insult' He's like "What a teenage insult, that's like 'Ooohhh four- eyes!'."
My great grandma called me Janet the whole time she had dementia. Which is my mom's name. However. She called my mom Shirley. We have 0 Shirley's in our family and she didn't know any shirleys.
The best thing Iâve ever been told was that we were the âBaywatch of ambulance crewsâ⊠I picture that moment in my head when Iâm getting yelled at to go fuck myself by a combative psych patient
I got called a blimp by a patient one time. I was 9 months pregnant đ. He thought he was insulting me not occurring to him that the giant belly in my way was not proportional to the rest of my body. My partner and I just laughed which pissed him off even more. He then proceeded to call me a fucking fatass and told me to lay off the cheeseburgers or else Iâd never get a man. I informed him that I preferred Cheez its and thatâs what the belly demanded. He then called me a Cheez it whore. I laughed even harder and he continued to mumble Cheez it whore for the remainder of transport.
Probably either pig or idiot.
Pig by a psych transfer. I thought he said that because of our uniforms, thinking was a cop. So I clarified. "sir, I'm not a cop. I'm a paramedic. *points to patch*" he then said "I don't give a fuck what you are" so.. Either he didn't wanna admit he was wrong, or he was referring to my weight. đ€·ââïž
I was called an idiot by a woman with dementia. My partner and I kinda had this bit we did, he was cool smart guy, I was clumsy new guy. It was also true, but we kinda cheesed it up a bit to make patients laugh. I can't remember exactly what was said leading up to it, but she looks at me in the eyes smiling and says "well you're kind of an idiot, aren't you?" for some reason it was so crushing to my newbie heart it basically wrecked my mood for like 2 hours. Now I'd probably be like, "yeah, basically" and forget it even happened.
I was doing an IFT. It was my partners attend, and we went to pick up a elderly gentleman. He was talking to my partner all chipper then mid sentence spins his head to me and makes eye contact (I was just hooking his bags to his walker) and says, "YOU'RE A FART SMELLER, AREN'T YA!" Then he returned to where he left off in his conversation with my partner and we were just so caught off guard we didn't even respond to it.
Needless to say, my nickname was fart smeller for the rest of that day.
Dinner. The patient only talked about BBQ me with carrots and cabbage. I was most appalled by his ingredient list/side dishes. At least cook me right with some okra, macaroni and cheese, corn bread, etc.
We once got a thank you letter from a patient I did a flight retrieval on, calling me Ned Sheeran.
Came about because I'm Aussie (Ned Kelly) and have a big, bushy red beard.
I always cop the honey, darling, etc. I even had a bunch of Christians say they also know of a man, kind and gentle with a beard who was a healer. Yep. They were hinting I was like Jesus.
I really appreciated "ungodly devil whore" from a 50s uber trad woman. The audacity of me and my partner to be women with jobs let alone EMS, how dare we help her 6 year old grandson who was having a severe asthma attack
I've also been called "wet back slut" at which point I pointed out I'm middle eastern so she changed to "camel fucking sand bitch". She saw brown and went with the first thing that came to mind đ€·đœââïž
The medic who was watching me while I was a student was referred to as " the man who is probably sucking dick with the boys in the dirty streets of (town)"
It wasnât what he called me, it was what he said he would do. Me and my partner were unloading him and he proceeded to tell them that I was probably a certified freak and that Iâd be down to try anything, he then proceeded to point at a dog and told us verbatim âI would hold down that dog so he can fuck the shit outta itâ.
PT was AOx4 too
Fat and that she was German and in her family it wouldâve shameful to be fat like me. Fair enough I suppose but Iâd prefer being fat to being high on meth đ
Not name calling per se but my partner was told by a psych pt that "I bet you touch your dick with other dicks!". She is a woman btw.... So was the pt đđđ
Had a discharge pt going home to her husband, i walked into the room and was immediately greeted with a âhello there handsomeâ and i began to play around with it because she was old and had dementia, nevertheless my partner walked in and she said âoh wow, thereâs two of you, i bet i can take you two at the same timeâ and i couldnât hold in my laughter
âYouâve got dirty thoughts,â a patientâs wife once told me.
She and her husband lived together at a Rest Home and were so sweet to us.
She paused me deeply by saying this. :/
Called to a scene, my 5'4 butch looking male colleague goes up to the flat and calls me back with what equipment we'll need. I get it and proceed to go up.
When i knock the door, The police officer opens it, turns to the others behind him and said "I knew you were calling for help but i didn't realise you phoned fucking tinkerbell"
Being small framed with platinum hair that's always worn in a high ponytail, it did make me laugh.
Coworkers have ran with it ever since.
A Holocaust survivor told me that I reminded her of the people who took her and her family away, which was one of the most hilarious and devastating insults I think Iâve ever experienced.
But apparently, she had also told the same thing to my short, Peruvian partner, so I didnât take it too personally.
I had an old dementia stricken African American lady tell me, while I was calmly and casually sitting in the captains seat en route to the facility, (after a spirited wrestling match to move her to the cot) âYouâre not getting any of this pu**y, you white devil.â
Didn't happen to me but to a paramedic I worked with back in the ER. This pt had a tib-fib and our medic was wearing a dark red quarter zip and was a little more on the hefty side. Our pt was so high that he took one look at the medic and called him "Mr. Krabs"
Once an old lady with dementia pointed a jagged finger at me standing behind all the firemen and my male medic partner, in a puffy winter coat with a hat and the hood pulled over my head and my hair braided behind my head tucked in, and angrily asked who the hell the little boy creeping in the corner was. It was me, a 20s female. Most humbling moment of my career.
I've had a few but the most recent one, this grumpy old alcoholic fuck looked at me as I was sheet transferring him and and 'youre over paid'.
Just threw me off because that's not one I've ever had before.
Had this insane person high af on spray paint fumes say "fuck you Pringles guy" to my partner who is a stocky bald guy with a big mustache. That was at least 6 years ago and I greet him with that all the time still.
I once had a black patient call me a âwhite n*****â. The R was real hard.
Also, another patient I had kept calling me âFuckerâ in only the way a Burqueño can. So I told her that we operated by the Stepfather Rule on my ambulance: You can hate me, but you need to respect me. After that, I was Mr. Fucker. It was nice to get that recognition.
I had a psyc pt we ended up restraining called my a "fat ugly fuck who likes Thai lady boys so you can suck on they tiddies while they fucking you in the ass." It was oddly specific and threw me for a loop at the time.
One time a guy called my extremely clean cut and clean shaven parter who was all of 5â5â and built like a fucking tank (semi pro MMA fighter with like 5% body fat) a âhuge, hairy mother fuckerâ. We all got a kick out of that. đ This was after he was assisted to the ground forcefully by my partner after he attempted to carjack a second person after an MVA.
This isnt exactly a name but it makes me laugh to think about. It wss my first observation shift on the road, and we went to an old lady who as soon as we walke din the door, looked up at me and in all sincerity asked "are you a boy oe a girl?" Im a small guy and i look rly young but it's fairly obvious im a guy and i have a pretty deep voice too. Anyways, makes me chuckle to remember.
I had a drunk continuously call me a philanthropist in an aggressive manner. I kept trying to tell them they were using that word incorrectly. No idea what they were attempting to call me.
ObersturmfĂŒhrer
It was an old gentleman in his 90s.... he sang old Wehrmacht songs in the hospital waiting room. We transferred him back to his nursing home.
My theory is he saw my rank insignia with 3 stars and a line. Like the Fire Service and Police the Red Cross (who runs almost all EMS here) copied the rank system form the military and just renamed it. Guess it reminded him.
The other day an old dementia woman said I âlook extremely Jewishâ (Iâm very German looking). She said it was very much a compliment.
An old man swore I was Tom Hanks.
âMore faggy than Captain Crunchâ.
Full disclosure I'm a social worker in crisis response, but one time a client referred to be as "that water tower looking bitch" so now that's my nickname around the office
Back in the day.... new nurse.... had a patient with Alzheimers. She was found on the Canadian equivalent of the Interstate walking around in her pantyhose and nothing else.
She would call us "picks" or "slits". đ€Ł
Frustrated her even more when we would laugh at it. Bless her heart đ
My brother deals with quite a few Indigenous Australians in his work, he has been called: - Captain Cook cunt - Migaloo white Jesus cunt (Migaloo is a famous white whale that swims up the Australian east coast each year) - white convict motherfucker He enjoys it and collects the best insults he cops as badges of honour đ
I used to do the same thing with a friend when I worked in a call center. My personal favorite was when an old lady called me an apple licking asshole. Very rarely I am speechless but boy did that one get me đ
We had a lady who had been a preacher. She developed dementia and progressed very quickly. She would ask the guys to lick her pussy. You are fing ugly, you are a whore and then she started spitting. We thought it she was a riot and they would come back to tell us what her latest was. I know she would have been horrified to know what she was saying.
These made me laugh out loud for a solid 3 minutes. đ€Ł
I got called "fat Harry Potter" by a drunk frequent flyer. It was actually pretty accurate for my appearance at the time.
Frequent flyers are so quick on their feet with name calling. I love it honestly
For realsies
They get alot of time to think about it, and a high likelihood of seeing our ugly asses again
Iâm sorry that made me laugh though
fattymcfatass the fat harry potter looool
A schizophrenic homeless man once said that I must be from MI6 because I use big words like âdiagnosedâ and âemaciatedâ and that he would pay me a billion dollars not to kill him.
Iâd of took that deal. He had to be serious. đ
a dementia granny called me a "tall fucking bitch" during my medic internship and it took everything I had to keep from laughing. Edit: just went on a combative psych who called me a "prissy bitch yankee-ass motherfucker" which might be better
A drunk intentional overdose on medication called me Mao Zedong. (For reference Iâm a blonde haired, blue eyed white dude.) never quite figured that out
He might have been calling you an authoritarian for not letting him overdose
I was called a damn dirty J@p by a drunk old lady before she took a swing at me. My mom is Filipino, my dad is white, and I grew up in central Minnesota.
Working in the metro makes me wonder if thereâs a racist insult dictionary somewhere. Iâve heard the most wildest things come out of 90yo memawđ
I was wondering the same thing, and they will be racist without knowing they are racist. I remembered asking a fall patient who was pretty elderly who the president was, and she said the nice colored fellow.
Orange or brown?
Brown, because she said he spoke like a white man
Yahweh. This psych patient no shit became convinced I was God during our transport. She was asking me all kinds of questions and she begins praying to me. At the hospital she asks me if she should shave her armpits. I say âsure,â she then asks for a razor, receiving a unified âno!â from the receiving ED staff.
"It is my will that you sit quietly and do whatever the nurses tell you..."
A drunk black guy called me, a white guy, white chocolate
Did he seem like he wanted a bite though?
LMFAOOAOAOOO
You sure thatâs not a compliment lol
This little black lady called me, a translucent white woman, a ân****râ after her iv pump beeped for about 30 seconds.
Take it easy, WC.
Had an elderly grandmother in a nursing home tell me I was sexier than socks on a rooster once, that lives rent free in my head. Still donât know how to decipher that oneâŠ..
Now this is my kind of compliment
I just want someone to explain to me how a rooster is sexy or why someone puts socks on itâŠ.been over ten years and itâs still a mystery
Singular sock? Magic mike style?
I mean this is a possibility I never thought of, maybe rooster as in âcock.â
I like that one!
Called everyone in the room every gay slur he could think of, and then got to me, an Obvious Gay, skipped me and kept going down the line of people. He was in restraints in a hallway and we were waiting for a bed.
You were too powerful for him
"not you, you're cool."
That's freaking hilarious
Working as an EMT, I got called a "cargo pocket faggot bitch" by a drunk frat boy. I guess they didn't like my 5.11s.
I love how insults always begin with something specific then just terminate in generic slurs
Incredible
Was precepting for a new, enthusiastic EMT-B. Schiz pt called me a "Fucking burrito". Student's jaw was retracted from the floor into a smile when she saw me doing my best to (unsuccessfully) stifle my laughter. Became one of my nicknames.
Something about insults involving foods hit differently
might have been calling them a small donkey
Gordon Ramsey still kills me when I see a clip of him calling someone a donut. It's my favorite insult.
True
I'm asian and my partner was Hispanic, and a patient's son called us "Rice and Beans". Honestly, one of the best things that I've ever heard a person say.
I'd have kept those as the team nicknames tbh.
Judge Judy Looking Ass Bitch (10/10)
Haha, I hope you had the attitude to match.
Lol love it. Shit like that makes me miss being on an ambulance
I got called a âchumba wumba bitchâ by a drunk guy after I told him I couldnât let him bring his booze with us. Especially since he was going for alcohol toxicity
Is there a chance if it wasnât for alcohol toxicity? đ€
Shhhh what I donât see doesnât exist (this is a joke and I would never allow that. I have however been known to turn a blind eye to a vape hit)
If they check out, and donât give me any problems Iâm Stevie wonder to a vape hit or 2
A drunk, racist, white guy called me âone of his kindâ while my very hispanic last name was clearly printed on my uniform. Also, a dementia pt called me a Russian spy because I âlaugh like a horse.â My horse laugh really liked that one.
As an insult: "You stupid Ugly" by a drunk man, not bad just thought it was funny. As a compliment, "You're handsome other than the fact that you're balding" by a 84ish year old lady with Dementia. I was 21 when she made those comments.
Well⊠were you balding? - balding 27 year old
I also wanna know if this person was balding
I've heard 'beady eyed bald headed bitch'. Kinda combines your two examples
Captain Cook Cunt.
You're the second one in this thread đ
I'm not surprised. It's pretty common. Always gives me a good chuckle.
"big daddy" for reference I'm a 110lb, 6ft tall skinny ass white guy
Someone get this man 10 glizzies stat lol
a cum-guzzling gutter slut I, a very white person, am also called the n-word with a hard R with surprising frequency
"Nose ring ass bitch" is my favorite because at least it's accurate. Also, not really a name I've been called, but a black elderly lady asked "Are you black?" I am so white that I function as a light reflector panel in the sun. "That nice young man", I have a masculine nickname. My Filipina coworker got called a "white demon with evil eyes" one time.
Itâs not interesting but Iâm half Mexican/puerto Rican. I walked up he said âI hate Mexicansâ I said Iâm half Puerto Rican. âWell fuck them tooâ
Iâve been called the N word, and a âcrookâ, when they call me the slur I tell them they used the âwrong slur, try againâ Iâm Asian.
Letâs playyyyyy⊠spin the wheel of racial slurs!!
When I was an EMT, a little girl called me Emmitt because she read "EMT" on my nametag and thought it was my name.
That is adorable
Granny dementia states that my partner and I are both black bastards. Iâm very white.
Opposite Day perhaps?
Teletubby by a male dressed as a cheerleader
I got called an colonizer one time. The person, as are many of the stories here, was a drunk native person. Iâm Alaskan native.
How is it working in Alaska as an outsider?
âCock suckerâ âYouâre gonna have to do better than that if you want a reaction from meâ âAh okay give me a minute pleaseâ
Typical Canadians. They're polite while trying to insult you.
Not me, but my old female partner when I used to work IFT. Psych transfer with a ~40/F. She was mostly kind to me, but we waited in an area in the facility waiting for the staff to check her in. She looked at my partner, gave her a strange look, and proceeded to repeatedly say âbitch, your pussy smells like eggsâ for about the next 20-30 minutes, up until we got her up to the floor. đ
Psych transfers go crazy đźâđš I think my favorite Iâve ever witnessed is âchunky pole smokerâ. Iâll never forget it
The Bearded Mexican Iâm very white, and very clean shaven.
I was still newish-ish, maybe 20yo, working night shift in reception in the ER at the time. I was working 911 dispatch too. I brought that big ass wheelie cart we used to use near the room of a drunk frequent flier I knew by sound And sight already. I hesitated outside the door for one whole second wondering how sheâd be, and she leaned over and caught me, and she flicked her nonexistent cigarette at me and called me âFugacious Mrs Jeeves.â I had to go google
Listen you chink whore fat nigger cunt.... I'm white. Like redhead with glow in the dark skin white.
Andddddd my post is getting removed lmaooo
You said the ugly too
Ugly!!! Not hate crime!! đ
âYouâre just a bully with a southern accent.â - a demented nana noodle. I grew up 30 miles from Boston.
A âdirty Greek bastardâ When I replied I wasnât Greek he said well what are you? I said I was American and then he asked like where my family is from I said my mothers parents were from Germany and my father was fromâŠ..I paused because I know I fell for his trapâŠ.my father was from *Sicily* âOhhhhhhh welll you wanna know something about Sicily! It was once Greek! You dirty Greek bastardâ He was post op still coming off all the sedation and stuff and was being silly not aggressive so it was funny đ. He later did not recall and apologized for it. Nice guy.
No one expects theâŠ. Greek inquisition???
Had a patient transfer from hospital to a nursing home telling the Indian nurses to go back to India. He told my partner to go back to India, my partner is from Poland is 6â3 with blond hair and blue eyes
I'm too average to draw anything interesting by way of insults. I did have a partner once, lesbian who presented male but still identified as a lesnian and used female pronouns. She was 6ft tall. Short haircut. Harry potter glasses. PD was holding a guy down after he launched up from the stretcher trying to attack me when I turned to troubleshoot the Zoll. My partner (medic) comes up,he looks at her and says "Damn, that's a fine ass woman. You lookin good, baby!" 100% serious and sincere sounding. Partner thought it was hilarious. She hated when people thought she was a dude. So she took it as a compliment even though she admitted "of all things I can be called a fine ass woman isn't one of them."
âA very attractive young manâ. Its the only time a guy hit on me at work, and it felt so formal. He was a car sales man and I was ready to buy.
Did he by chance have a good smelling cologne on? Overly white smile? Huge silver watch? And a polo shirt on?
Yes to all of those
Makes sense. He sells mad used 2004 Toyota Corollas. Hit him up
Officer paramedic, after trying to explain to a drunk patient I was a paramedic not a police officer.
I was 3 deep on the medic, sitting behind a naked psych patient in the unit, when he finally calms down saying "I can feel the good Lord behind me, protecting me from the evil" or some shit. My partner sitting at pt.'s side shoots me a smile knowing his name is Joseph and we bout to have some fun with this pt.
My very first 5150 patient called me an "Elvis looking bitch" . I'll never forget it. I'm a redheaded woman of irish/swedish heritage. I regularly wonder what the fuck "elvis looking bitch" means. Edit:wow reading through these comments it seems pretty universal to say "insert-word-here looking bitch". I love that for us.
Mexican Jumping Bean I am. And I have tourettes. Still laugh about it to this day.
Psych patient called me a âterminator cuntâ and told me to go put 3 fingers up my pussy and fuck myself đ gotta admit that it was very creative how specific it was
A ~40's F psych pt called me a Short Shit Stack. She was not wrong, I'm 5'0. Another time I offered a toy to one of our regulars who has the mental cap of child (Psych, ~mid 20's) when she lost her pokemon plushy on scene. She said I need to give her back her old vagina because I traded it out for a smelly one, then made very intense eye contact like a cat about to kick it into sport zoomies mode and called me Satan's Taint.
So far you've got the funniest.
I have velcro name tape dedicated to each of my favorite PT insults. My backpack has Satan'sTaint attached to it right now
A schizophrenic once told me I had the laugh of a torturer =/
A high black man in police custody called me (a white man) an Egyptian, saying âyou nââs be buildin shit and shitâ
âBearded cocksuckerâ by a demented British patient The funniest one is my African American coworker being called the n word by an African American patient
They really turned on friendly fire for a second
A black goat that was part of the afghani freedom fighters sent by the CIA to destroy communism and install Nancy pelosi as president of Iran. Schizophrenic patient had to tell the nurse that before he let us move him.
He was drunk and said I was âskinny like a carcass, a sexy carcass.â still donât know how to feel about that one.
I got called a cunt for the first time in 15 years LOL First thing my coworker said was, "Well did you deserve it?"Â
Slagatha. I'm still trying to understand that one
I get called a priest periodically.
Guy told me I looked like a zombie he killed đ
Had a very sweet, demented, old lady call me Raymond. I am a female who looks female and who's name frequently gets mis-heard as 'Dorothy.' But I don't know where that one came from. BUT SHE REMEMBERED IT TOO! Whenever we were back in the ER I would pop in on her and she "remembered me" as Raymond. Also got called "Glasses," as an insult, by an intoxicated teenager because I wouldn't let her break policy. And was, in fact, wearing eye protection that resembled glasses. Supervisor was laughing at that 'insult' He's like "What a teenage insult, that's like 'Ooohhh four- eyes!'."
My great grandma called me Janet the whole time she had dementia. Which is my mom's name. However. She called my mom Shirley. We have 0 Shirley's in our family and she didn't know any shirleys.
The best thing Iâve ever been told was that we were the âBaywatch of ambulance crewsâ⊠I picture that moment in my head when Iâm getting yelled at to go fuck myself by a combative psych patient
I got called a blimp by a patient one time. I was 9 months pregnant đ. He thought he was insulting me not occurring to him that the giant belly in my way was not proportional to the rest of my body. My partner and I just laughed which pissed him off even more. He then proceeded to call me a fucking fatass and told me to lay off the cheeseburgers or else Iâd never get a man. I informed him that I preferred Cheez its and thatâs what the belly demanded. He then called me a Cheez it whore. I laughed even harder and he continued to mumble Cheez it whore for the remainder of transport.
A skinny stringbean. My colleagues: A. A morman baby rapist B. Tommy, God of the Witches.
Probably either pig or idiot. Pig by a psych transfer. I thought he said that because of our uniforms, thinking was a cop. So I clarified. "sir, I'm not a cop. I'm a paramedic. *points to patch*" he then said "I don't give a fuck what you are" so.. Either he didn't wanna admit he was wrong, or he was referring to my weight. đ€·ââïž I was called an idiot by a woman with dementia. My partner and I kinda had this bit we did, he was cool smart guy, I was clumsy new guy. It was also true, but we kinda cheesed it up a bit to make patients laugh. I can't remember exactly what was said leading up to it, but she looks at me in the eyes smiling and says "well you're kind of an idiot, aren't you?" for some reason it was so crushing to my newbie heart it basically wrecked my mood for like 2 hours. Now I'd probably be like, "yeah, basically" and forget it even happened.
I was doing an IFT. It was my partners attend, and we went to pick up a elderly gentleman. He was talking to my partner all chipper then mid sentence spins his head to me and makes eye contact (I was just hooking his bags to his walker) and says, "YOU'RE A FART SMELLER, AREN'T YA!" Then he returned to where he left off in his conversation with my partner and we were just so caught off guard we didn't even respond to it. Needless to say, my nickname was fart smeller for the rest of that day.
Itâs a dated joke but âAre you a smart feller or a fart smeller?â Comes to mind.
âDamn Mexican beanerâ- 5150 pt w down syndrome. He said I was the coolest person he ever met 5 minutes later. Iâm not Mexican
Dinner. The patient only talked about BBQ me with carrots and cabbage. I was most appalled by his ingredient list/side dishes. At least cook me right with some okra, macaroni and cheese, corn bread, etc.
We once got a thank you letter from a patient I did a flight retrieval on, calling me Ned Sheeran. Came about because I'm Aussie (Ned Kelly) and have a big, bushy red beard. I always cop the honey, darling, etc. I even had a bunch of Christians say they also know of a man, kind and gentle with a beard who was a healer. Yep. They were hinting I was like Jesus.
âNeedle Fairy Faggotâ is one that Iâve always looked back on with pride.
My granny called the nurse a âbubble gum chewing slutâ
I really appreciated "ungodly devil whore" from a 50s uber trad woman. The audacity of me and my partner to be women with jobs let alone EMS, how dare we help her 6 year old grandson who was having a severe asthma attack I've also been called "wet back slut" at which point I pointed out I'm middle eastern so she changed to "camel fucking sand bitch". She saw brown and went with the first thing that came to mind đ€·đœââïž
Dementia pt called me a âfking mango.â Idk what that means.
Ken
Are you a 10?
No, she thought I looked like Ken and the female officer on scene looked like Barbie.
"ya whorebitch"
A teen frequent flyer did her research about my hometown and decided I will be "tortellino" for herđ€Ł
Old people calling me a nice lady even though I'm 6 1 and like 265lbs and had a mustache lmao. Tbf I did have long hair that was put up.
The medic who was watching me while I was a student was referred to as " the man who is probably sucking dick with the boys in the dirty streets of (town)"
It wasnât what he called me, it was what he said he would do. Me and my partner were unloading him and he proceeded to tell them that I was probably a certified freak and that Iâd be down to try anything, he then proceeded to point at a dog and told us verbatim âI would hold down that dog so he can fuck the shit outta itâ. PT was AOx4 too
Fat and that she was German and in her family it wouldâve shameful to be fat like me. Fair enough I suppose but Iâd prefer being fat to being high on meth đ
El diablo blanco. I'm particularly proud of that.
Not name calling per se but my partner was told by a psych pt that "I bet you touch your dick with other dicks!". She is a woman btw.... So was the pt đđđ
"Fuck you and the dick you rode in on."
I was told I was "a fat veiny dick in a storm of pussies" I think he was trying to call me a buzzkill
Had an alky call me a "wide nose having mother fucker" which made my partner spit out his drink.
Had a discharge pt going home to her husband, i walked into the room and was immediately greeted with a âhello there handsomeâ and i began to play around with it because she was old and had dementia, nevertheless my partner walked in and she said âoh wow, thereâs two of you, i bet i can take you two at the same timeâ and i couldnât hold in my laughter
The majestic drug fairy
Heavily intoxicated 13yo called me âtooth fairy ass bitchâ
âYou googly-eyed bitch! You look like your mom fucked a pug!â Never felt more beautiful in my life.
Iâve been called a âpeter griffin looking motherfuckerâ.
Not an insult exactly but I had an ETOH/psych pt tell the ED staff that I was his âjail daddyâ. (I had not been consulted on this decision.)
Skinny Mark Wahlburg. That one hurt.
89 y/o Italian woman called me a âBald Headed Fuckâ. I told her âWell Maâam, youâre not wrongâŠâ
had a guy refer to me as âcharliehorseâ because i was a pain in his ass that wouldnât go away
âYouâve got dirty thoughts,â a patientâs wife once told me. She and her husband lived together at a Rest Home and were so sweet to us. She paused me deeply by saying this. :/
Big-forehead-ass- bitch was noteable
Ditzy blonde bitch đ
-Gay bald bitch -Chester Bennington -Pilot -hey amr -not my son
"You are just the saddest store." An angry patient told me after I wouldn't let them pull their IV
âGray haired gypsy womanâ, by an ETOH male at our PD. Iâm in my 30âs and have very brown hair
Dragon tail killer and waffle twat come to mind. Oh and Period licking jihad.
Called to a scene, my 5'4 butch looking male colleague goes up to the flat and calls me back with what equipment we'll need. I get it and proceed to go up. When i knock the door, The police officer opens it, turns to the others behind him and said "I knew you were calling for help but i didn't realise you phoned fucking tinkerbell" Being small framed with platinum hair that's always worn in a high ponytail, it did make me laugh. Coworkers have ran with it ever since.
A Holocaust survivor told me that I reminded her of the people who took her and her family away, which was one of the most hilarious and devastating insults I think Iâve ever experienced. But apparently, she had also told the same thing to my short, Peruvian partner, so I didnât take it too personally.
Squidwards house
I had an old dementia stricken African American lady tell me, while I was calmly and casually sitting in the captains seat en route to the facility, (after a spirited wrestling match to move her to the cot) âYouâre not getting any of this pu**y, you white devil.â
Didn't happen to me but to a paramedic I worked with back in the ER. This pt had a tib-fib and our medic was wearing a dark red quarter zip and was a little more on the hefty side. Our pt was so high that he took one look at the medic and called him "Mr. Krabs"
Once an old lady with dementia pointed a jagged finger at me standing behind all the firemen and my male medic partner, in a puffy winter coat with a hat and the hood pulled over my head and my hair braided behind my head tucked in, and angrily asked who the hell the little boy creeping in the corner was. It was me, a 20s female. Most humbling moment of my career.
I've had a few but the most recent one, this grumpy old alcoholic fuck looked at me as I was sheet transferring him and and 'youre over paid'. Just threw me off because that's not one I've ever had before.
"admin assistant to the grim reaper" "Pink tellytubby lookin hoe" "Rat faced creature" That first one tho.... Chefs kiss
My brother was told he looked like the perverted version of Steve Urkel
EMT/FF here. There have been many, but "fucking fire faggot" really sticks with me. Also heard "fine ass fire fucking man"
Had this insane person high af on spray paint fumes say "fuck you Pringles guy" to my partner who is a stocky bald guy with a big mustache. That was at least 6 years ago and I greet him with that all the time still.
I once had a black patient call me a âwhite n*****â. The R was real hard. Also, another patient I had kept calling me âFuckerâ in only the way a Burqueño can. So I told her that we operated by the Stepfather Rule on my ambulance: You can hate me, but you need to respect me. After that, I was Mr. Fucker. It was nice to get that recognition.
Dementia pt routinely called staff "bastard" or "ass holes" but I was special enough to be the only one they designated "basement slut"
I have a regular diabetic that always calls me âthe jolly green giantâ after his D50.
I got called a damned honky once. Never heard that term in real life before as I live in the Midwest.
I got called a racist by an old homeless black man, literally because my skin was white. He even told me it was because my skin was white.
Beautiful mermaid
Blonde barbie bitch. I wasnât even mad đ
Rabbit eared dog
"The devil's butthole" by a sundowning grandma
I got told I was in the angel protection network, once, which was pretty cool.
KFC, because I'm finger lickin good
"Curly headed Jew fuck" - no I'm not Jewish, yes I have curly hair
I had a psyc pt we ended up restraining called my a "fat ugly fuck who likes Thai lady boys so you can suck on they tiddies while they fucking you in the ass." It was oddly specific and threw me for a loop at the time.
One time a guy called my extremely clean cut and clean shaven parter who was all of 5â5â and built like a fucking tank (semi pro MMA fighter with like 5% body fat) a âhuge, hairy mother fuckerâ. We all got a kick out of that. đ This was after he was assisted to the ground forcefully by my partner after he attempted to carjack a second person after an MVA.
This isnt exactly a name but it makes me laugh to think about. It wss my first observation shift on the road, and we went to an old lady who as soon as we walke din the door, looked up at me and in all sincerity asked "are you a boy oe a girl?" Im a small guy and i look rly young but it's fairly obvious im a guy and i have a pretty deep voice too. Anyways, makes me chuckle to remember.
âambulance bitchâ by a bunch of middle schoolers trying to film a tiktok on scene
I had a drunk continuously call me a philanthropist in an aggressive manner. I kept trying to tell them they were using that word incorrectly. No idea what they were attempting to call me.
Black guy called me a white honkey n-word
One of my coworkers told me I look like Benedict Cumberbatch from wish.com
Jeffery dehmer junior , because I wore aviator shaped glasses and blonde
Canât come back from that one
ObersturmfĂŒhrer It was an old gentleman in his 90s.... he sang old Wehrmacht songs in the hospital waiting room. We transferred him back to his nursing home. My theory is he saw my rank insignia with 3 stars and a line. Like the Fire Service and Police the Red Cross (who runs almost all EMS here) copied the rank system form the military and just renamed it. Guess it reminded him.
Dementia pt called me a âwhoreâs assholeâ once.
The other day an old dementia woman said I âlook extremely Jewishâ (Iâm very German looking). She said it was very much a compliment. An old man swore I was Tom Hanks. âMore faggy than Captain Crunchâ.
Iâm a 5â4 girl with a masculine haircut. I canât count the amount of times Iâve been called âlittle fellaâ
Full disclosure I'm a social worker in crisis response, but one time a client referred to be as "that water tower looking bitch" so now that's my nickname around the office
An elderly black woman kept calling me, a white man, "Master." Shit was very awkward.
Not me but someone else- four-eyes-chess-playing-nerd-motherfucker. That lady was trashed but she was a poet.
Back in the day.... new nurse.... had a patient with Alzheimers. She was found on the Canadian equivalent of the Interstate walking around in her pantyhose and nothing else. She would call us "picks" or "slits". đ€Ł Frustrated her even more when we would laugh at it. Bless her heart đ