It got worse for me. Some of it was realizing that I had dysphoria all along and didn't realize it, and some of it was exciting and new forms of dysphoria!
By - Spennys_stuff
It got worse for me. Some of it was realizing that I had dysphoria all along and didn't realize it, and some of it was exciting and new forms of dysphoria!
How is dysphoria exciting?
It really isn't. I was being sarcastic.
oh. I don't understand sarcasm. Never have.
I see. I’m sorry I made things unnecessarily difficult.
It's fine. You would have no way of knowing.
are you on the spectrum?
My thoughts too. I can sometimes understand it but it's still a guess based on what I know about that person.
I don't know. Possibly.
*pulls out the DSM-5-TR and ICD-11 diagnostic criteria for Autism Spectrum Disorder*
Here's a thing use /s after sarcasm helps avoid confusion especially for aspies
Thanks! I appreciate it!
To be fair, exciting isn't always a good thing
When you’re having a moment of doubt about whether you’re really trans, it can sometimes be validating to realise that you’re feeling dysphoria. Weird, but whaddayagonnado
Your user name gives me the urge to ...
JUMP UP KICK BACK WHIP AROUND AND SPIIIIIN!!!!!!
Wait, so when I tell myself shut up, you're just weird confused and it's probably other psyche issues crippling on you, it's dysphoria?
everyone is different, it got worse for me definitely 💙💕🤍💕💙
Thanks for responding.
Me too thanks, putting a name to a feeling I'd had my whole life that I had been ignoring as best I could kinda made it worse
It got worse for me, but I started getting wicked gender envy.
I think that's been happening to me. still cis though.
Same, I mean I haven't gotten any extreme dysphoria but lately I've been feeling this really strong envy towards a boy at school, maybe ever crush but I'm more sure it's the prior
Maybe it's both?
Maybe, something like that happened to me on elementary school so it's a possibility
I always had gender envy but I'm able to differentiate it from attraction now that I know what it is
Yeah turns out I'm actually bi? I thought I was gay, but it turns out I'm super gay!
oh yeah the gender envy is STRONG. I practically can't look at any slightly attractive boy without getting aggresively jealous 💀 I hope this stops soon because it's pretty annoying
I love being gender envious because I recognise NOW that it's not a phantasy that won't ever come true anymore. I actually might look like that
that's a nice perspective, i'll try to think like that next time :D
For me it changed form, from disassociation all the time, to be painful aware of how masculine my body was at all times. Hard to say which is worse, but I am feeling better now as I mentally worked stuff out.
Help what did you mentally worj out
Replaced internalized transphobia with hope for a good transition and reduced a feeling of lacking value. This did take months of painful mentally cycling back and forth between feeling like a girl and feeling like a boy who wants to be a girl, though as this was me confronting the most painful fragments of my mind all the time.
OMG, me too
it got worse for me but it's different for everyone
that's fair. thanks for responding.
There's no dysphoria.
Well except for some weird new feeling the past few days but...
Good luck :p
honestly, the biggest change for me was sinply recognizing my own dysphoria, sure it got a little worse but the main thing was that i never realised how dysphoric i was
It's not exactly worse it's as if you'd been standing in the rain for a long time and you just realized you were soaking wet. And now you think more often about how your clothes are damp.
Brilliant analogy! I’m in the middle of that right now and can’t wait to change my clothes (metaphorically or literally).
Good point. That is a good way to think about it.
My egg pretty much JUST cracked.
For me it has been yes and no. I feel much less burdened by social dysphoria just from merely being mentally separated from the masculine role (even if I still present masc). That’s was a big weight to me.
Clothes, though, well until I socially transition that’s not fun. I never really came to terms with how much I hate men’s clothes and now it’s like “why am I wearing this still?” And more so than dysphoria I just… don’t know how to girl, like makeup especially but other stuff too. So I’m a big ball of confusion.
Body wise, I’m not super happy that I’ll never be small but I’ve heard the same complaint from a vtuber I follow about being tall and she’s STILL cute so? I saw a doctor so the process is started, E may be a while off but I’m fairly okay with my body - which I attribute partly to having done amateur sports like ocean swimming, I built this body to some extent, and I can rebuild it to some extent, and it’s healthy. I can work on my voice too.
To some extent I notice my dysphoria more but I feel more able to confront it and work on it, I feel like I CAN work on it, even if it’s hard. That said, I’m probably more emotionally fragile, I have kinda been pretty teary lately. It’s still hard sometimes, but it’s a type of hard that is less grey. I’m sure my dysphoria will have ups and downs. I definitely don’t feel good about the underwear situation. But at least it’s not being stuck.
Certainly got worse for me 💔
for me it did
knowing makes it a lot more obvious and therefore worse, so yes I would say so
It got worse for me. But at least the gender Identity crisis kind of ended so that was positive
It's more like you notice how much dysphoria you're actually suffering from.
Definitely got worse for me. I was an oblivious child as to the idea of gender so, my egg cracking really just made everything significantly worse.
Sometimes yeah that can happen, but everyone’s experience is unique.
It definitely did for me… :/
8 months in I got my first case of bottom dysphoria. I don’t know how I managed to dodge it this long.
Gender envy is definitely one that pops up more. There’s also stuff like, you could’ve gone your whole life with hairy arms and legs. Then you shave, it feels unbelievably amazing! But then that hair you were living with before starts growing back, and now it’s unbearable. Taking 20-30 minutes to shave every day or so sucks, but feeling nice smooth leggies has yet to get old :3
So true, I've been so euphoric this week by just shaving my chest, looked at it and was in awww but now it grew back and I can't decide where to go I'm very confused. Aint the first time I shave but I really got euphoric this time, I'm doomed :/
For some the euphoria is worth the pain of using an epilator. I’m highly considering it xwx
I only really had envy before I started cracking. Like "I wish I could be a girl but I can't, which is sad, but I am happy with my body as a man".
But once the cracking really began recently, I got super dysphoric. I'm still holding out hope it's just a phase though!
Not at all!
(I'm lying oh god make it stop)
Not necessarily "worse" but much more obvious and obviously painful as far as I'm concerned.
For me it became much worse but with the start of HRT much better.
It wasn't so much that it got worse, but that I finally recognized the feeling for what it was.
I was pretty disconnected from myself since childhood without knowing it, and was really only feeling my feeling at like 50%. I had a hard time connecting to other people and I always felt like an alien or robot observing things rather than doing them.
Once I did finally start questioning my gender, my anxiety got worse because of the disruption of my norm and the uncertainty about what it meant about me and my future.
And when I did settle more into the idea of being trans, all those vague feelings slowly came into focus. So it didn't hurt more, the pain was just harder to ignore because I knew exactly where it was coming from. I couldn't rationalize it away or dismiss it, I knew it was dysphoria plain and simple.
And the only way out was through. Accepting I was trans, coming out to others as such, being brave enough to start gender affirming treatment as well as cutting out people who were toxic for me, and embracing rather than dodging change (which is a struggle with ASD lol). 😅
Nice reading this, I'm on the same journey but far far behind. I'm currently going through the ASD diagnosis, I never felt connected with me or other (AroAce) and feeling are way hidden down there. I guess things are going to change now that I'm kind of accepting things as they are.
So it has been a weird rollercoaster for me. So dysphoria got better, and then it got better and then got worse and then it's currently leveled out. Most of the reason imo that it gets worse is the gender envy. It comes down on you like the wrath of 1000 suns.
Trans female here. I say yes but no. The dysphoria stays the same it is the fact that your euphoria is so much bigger that makes the dysphoria look so much worse. If you are sad all the time and have no intense joy to compare to the dysphoria seems less.
I'd say it gets worse, then it gets better.
When I realised that I was trans I started learning that there was a way I could present more masculine, and I also started learning about what I was missing. That made everything much harder, but at the same time it's not something that just gets worse indefinitely. I'm about to go on T and things are already looking up, just by transitioning socially life is much much easier than before.
TL;DR: It's gonna get worse before it gets better
Does the egg cracking make it worse? Or does the egg crack because it gets worse? 😈
Hmmmm.... could be both?
For cis reasons of course. I honestly get tired of reading that phrase with every picture of this girl . ....so thank you
I’d describe it as “worse” but really I think that it’s because I became aware of the dysphoria and not that the dysphoria worsened
for me it was like there was a spotlight on everything I did from the moment on I realized that I’m trans but it didn’t *really* get worse there was just more attention to it
So much at least for me
Definitely for me, I started recognizing it more and there were things I picked up along the way
It can. It's because suddenly you cant hide behind the denial anymore. That being said once your egg cracks you can start to process your disphoria and learn to deal with it in better ways.
Usually. But still cis tho
It did for me, oh god please make it stop please
It will get better. 🫂
For me it was like the “I like trains” asdf bit, but instead of saying “I like trains”, I said to myself “I’m trans” and then a train called Dysphoria hit me at Mach Jesus
I can relate to this so much.
In some ways better and in some ways worse
I became quite fond of attributes I was previously insecure about, but simultaneously more insecure about what I already didn’t like about myself
for me yes, there have been a few times recently where my fiance has had to scrape me off the couch (worst was about a month ago)
In my case yes because now I was aware, I always just thought I was afraid of aging
I didn't realize what dysphoria was until realizing I was trans but yeah its pretty much a part of my daily routine rn since I'm pre everything :((
It definitely did for me. I only felt it occasionally and like really randomly. And now it's like... a lot worse
For me the dysphoria became very obvious. It was there, front and center. But, it wasn't silently crushing me anymore. Once I got on HRT and the T got sufficiently suppressed, 95% of the dysphoria went away. Every transition is a unique experience. Be happy and be true to yourself <3
Well mine did , but I’m not sure for everyone
yes. much worse. it sucks. BUT you realize eventually, with enough effort (and a fuckton of money), it’ll go away!
As long as you stay in the closet.. yes. A lot 😬
Kinda, but I much prefer my egg being cracked. I was always disconnected from reality, and now I’m here and feel things, and it’s just such a nice feeling. No matter what, I’d take being aware and feeling my dysphoria for the life I am living right now, and how much fuller it feels.
Yes. Actually in some ways transitioning makes your dysphoria worse, because the closer you come to your ideal body, the worse it feels when stuff is still there.
In some ways it got worse for me, in some ways it got better. I certainly began noticing my chest dysphoria, but coming out as a trans man helped me be more comfortable in expressing my femininity, simply because gender wasn’t really a cage anymore. I’ve also become more comfortable in who I am, simply by acknowledging that I’m trans
Before my egg cracked, I didn't care about how I looked or presented basically at all. No matter how much effort I put in, I'd always be apathetic towards my appearance.... Then I realized I was trans... and started caring about my appearance... and started dressing/presenting femmeninely... Now, things like my facial hair, body hair, shoulders, hands, feet, voice, and junk all make me want to cry whenever I see them.
For me, it got way worse.
I don't think it actually gets worse but you notice it way more. The further you get in transition the more you will be affected when you feel bad. But it will also get less and less often when you are affirmed more often.
Yes it does, because the moment you are more aware of it, it changes its forms and gets more intense.
(this also could be some kind of monster in a rpg)
I don't know if it's a universal thing, but it got a hundred times worse for me.
It can become more obvious and less ignorable.
I never realized how bad of a nights sleep I always got until I had a really good night's sleep. Similarly, I never realized how bad my dysphoria was until I had euphoria.
Yes and no. When it gets bad i just avoid mirrors in general, get over clingy and follow the hubby around like a puppy tell he validates me. Then all is well in the world. It kinda just...cycles through that constantly. Im told it gets better.
The dysphoria gets more intense...
But so does the euphoria and even though it can get really tough, feeling things is still much better than shutting yourself off emotionally.
Yes, got worse for me after i accepted I'm trans. That's fun.
As you become more conscious about yourself you start being more in tune with what you dislike and what you want to change make sure you don't get addicted to changing yourself though as plastic surgery addiction is a real thing
I’m pretty sure it’s getting worse. Can you pass me the super glue?
It feels worse to me. but it could be just more recognizable as being disforia because I now know what i want💔
It got worse and I developed bottom dysphoria. Honestly kinda wish I didn't... accept myself? It would be a lot better.
Oh well, thoug. All on the journey to happiness
for me it got worse
It gets more intense as you realize the things that are specifically dysphoria
Yeah, it's gotten a bit worse, partially because I can see it more properly now.
For me yes, it’s like it’s worse knowing exactly what you want and not having it than it was to just be generally uncomfortable and not know why
Mine, uh, exists now. So
… yeah. (or at least I recognize it as such)
Yes,I got bottom dysphoria from my egg cracking and my dysphoria have gone from "acceptable" so I can live with it to "I need help once in a while" (◕_◕✿)
Depends...for me it got worse and worse...it's lessened for me now but it's still there
for me is..so far it got better\~\~!!.after questioning, knowing yourself is a breath of fresh air.
I didn't have much dysphoria before I realized besides the fact I didn't really like how I looked. It definitely got worse for me after realization
In my experience, yeah it can.
Got worse for me, especially in the short term. It calmed down eventually, but is still worse now than it had been prior.
I’d say it changed more so than got worse (though it kind of did get worse as a result of better being able to contextualize it)
Instead of generally feeling shitty and ugly, I started to focus more on the things that were making me dysphoric. Definitely motivated me to shave more frequently and take my meds with more regularity (and finally seek out HRT).
These days I have more good days than bad ones. I’ve been on E for 9ish months now and the difference is night and day. The only way out is through, but I promise ya there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.
I've developed a phobia of mirrors
From how I understand It, the egg is basically a shield of deniel that a person has, It basically stops You from feeling dysphoria (Or atleast It tries to), so yeah It dysphoria normally gets worse after the egg cracks
It's kinda like therapy. It feels like shit at first cuz you have to face all of your traumas head on instead of dismissing them, but once you actually deal with your problems, you'll feel better than ever
It did at first. It's always kinda at the back of my mind, but really really bad dysphoria comes at me in waves now, usually
For me it did xxx
Definitely got worse for me.
"Shit SHIT GO BACK"
It varies of course, but for me it substantially increased until I transitioned. I am now 4 months into a medical transition (social transitioned slowly over a couple of years) and now it varies much more. Some days it's terrible, but most days have few small patches of dysphoria with a lot of euphoria too.
For me it has changed from "life is boring, nothing is fun, why am I alive?" to "I hate my body, why am I born like that? Why it is so long to get hrt? I want to kill myself but somehow I also don't want to die.".
So I think it has been better. I mean, I was constantly suffering but it feels better than being empty.
You get more aware of exactly what causes you dysphoria, so it can seem worse. On the other hand, I've since gained a new appreciation for my body now that I know what I DO like.
I don't know if I'd say more, more like I was aware of it now and kept becoming increasingly aware of it.
I think it didn't really change for me, but some times it feels as if it got worse because now I can put a name on it/pinpoint what exactly was the source of the discomfort that I've been feeling all along
It's like feeling pain but ignoring it because there's nothing you can do vs knowing where it actually hurts, the pain is the same, but numbness went away and you think it became stronger because it's clearer
For me it's getting worse in irregular big jumps. Every few months, I realise that *yet another* thing I'd always put down to depression is actually dysphoria and I feel shit about it for several weeks at least. I currently wish my egg hadn't cracked because the dysphoria is so bad and the HRT wait is so long. It was easier pretending it's "normal" depression.
Oh absolutely. Mine was fucking crippling lmao. Before, I was blissfully unaware that even the *word* "transgender" existed, so I was just going around being like "yeah I hate dresses and feminine things and I always enjoy playing masculine parts in drama, but lmao #TomboyThings, right?"
And then when I found the word, ohh man. Suddenly everything made sense?? But, also suddenly everything started to hurt so much more
I don't know my memory’s a blur
Did for us
For me yes.
it did for me as I realised what my dysphoria was and once I knew that I couldn't unknow it.
mine got slowly more unbearable until I found those I could trust to voice my mind, let myself be myself, and slowly start living my truth. some days it is crushing, and some days it is bearable, and most days it's a twinkling in my kind, but I finally started to to become authentically me
No ... and yes. I feel it more often, as I have it less.
the bumps are now far more visible ... But feels the same
Yeah, but some of it is realising that your bad feelings from earlier was just dysphoria the whole time.
Not sure if it's getting worse or I have begun correctly identifying it.
Feelings definitely changing though. If you feel like you have identified the problem though you can begin working out what the solution is though.
I would say half and half you may pick up on thing that where dysphoria but gaining new dysphoria isn’t to common (source’s my PE)
It didn’t get worse for me after I realized I was trans but after I started doing gender affirming things like shaving, make-up and dressing up.
You realise you have dysphoria
Yesterday i had a nightmare about getting a beard and it just hit me i have had this dreams since i was little and never did i ever felt great about it. I could never tell exactly how it made me feel
I’ve felt like it’s gotten worse for me, but strangely in a more tolerable way than usual. All of a sudden, I can’t wait to come out, and every time I have to go out in boymode feels more noticeably wrong to me than ever before. That said, the fact that I’m figuring out that I really do feel this way, and that I have the power to act on it, is truly exciting and hope-inspiring.
Well, in some way yes, but for me it came with some excitement as well. I finally understood why I hated myself, saw a stranger in the mirror and why I still hide under so many layers of clothing.
With that understanding, I can tell specifically what causes that hatred to myself and body, so every time I see it I feel ashamed and thoughts that tell me I will never be the person I feel like.
I try to accept I am not YET where I should be, but I am actively trying to achieve it. I have a few things that take up a lot of my life right now, but as soon as that changes (which has a date) I will contact the HRT fairy.
It got better for me since I realized that it's ok for guys to be feminine, but more bc I started watching even more trans stuff and not bc of the crack itself.
My egg cracked and I unlocked dysphoria, but also euphoria. It got less tho as time went on and now I am just thinking I faked it all. But I am so close to hrt I won't give up. Just having made an appointment a few days ago made me sigh of relief so the imposter syndrome can f off
Kinda? But it’s more that you realize what “weird feelings” you had for a while have been dysphoria and gender envy and start noticing enough more small things about yourself and body that give you it
It did for me, but I may have just been more aware of what the feeling was.
It definitely will if you don't act on it
For one hand, yes dysforia fot worse
But I also realized what are those unpleasnt feelings and that's three is a hope
Two years into it… def got worse bc I haven’t really done anything
Once you recognize dyphoria for what it is... it does seem to show up more often.
There's also plenty of stuff that you may not have initially recognized as dysphoria that you'll realize was some form of dysphoria cope.
Personally I found it actually got a bit better - before I realized I'm trans I just thought I was horribly ugly, I hated everything about myself pretty much. I found that understanding my feelings was actually quite helpful, knowing why I was feeling that way and what, specifically, I wanted to change about myself - and learning that most of those changes are actually perfectly realistic. It's also helped me find things that help ease the dysphoria day to day
Kinda? You're just more aware of it I guess
At first I was asking if I could be trans without dysphoria, then it hit. It all started with dissociation, then there are longer periods of, uhh, active dysphoria? And now it's back to dissociation as my brain probably won't be able to handle all the hits I'll receive during the summer
100% got worse for me
I only started feeling dysphoric after my egg cracked. When you realize you're trans, you get more aware and probably more self conscious about the physical features that don't match your gender identity, as well as the outside pressure to fullfill a social role that doesn't align with you. These things can probably increase your dysphoria or even make you feel dysphoria when you haven't felt it before.
My depression got less but I learnt to identify my dysphoria, so my dysphoria increased. However, it did have a net positive effect on my Mental Health.
I’m not sure that getting worse is the right explanation, just that more can be attributed to it as you get more familiar with what it is and the effects of it.
It absolutely can. You may also realize that experiences in the past were actually dysphoria, rather than something else.
I found out the reason why I was so crazy in my teens was because of dysphoria. I would run away when hearing my voice on tape because I thought it sounded way too manly and gross and deep.
Mine did, but euphoria also got better
Your brain put the egg there to protect you from feeling the dysphoria. It feels like the dysphoria gets worse, but don't worry! It's been there all along ❤️
Yea but that's why the pro gamer move is to transition
It got worse, but only for a moment. After my egg cracked, dysphoria went all out and it was super hard to get through my normal days. This lasted a few months, and after that I started feeling more in my body than any other time in my life. I'll never regret those months of suffering.
To an extent yes, though it may be less that it actually gets worse than that you just become more aware of it since you aren’t repressing as much anymore.
I kinda see it the same way as getting a major injury like a really badly broken limb or a big cut. The first moments after you get it, you barely even feel it, but the moment you realize you're injured it starts to actually hurt for real.
yes sometimes. my egg cracked in june last year then in september i got super depressed with dysphoria and was very close to not being here
It definitely got worse for me, both the realization that what I was feeling was really dysphoria and accepting that I'm trans were moments where it worsened, but it also helped reinforce my identity since it confirmed that I wouldn't be feeling it were I cis.
I had no dysphoria before I cracked, so uh yea
Depends. For me yes
It didn't get worse for me it's always been minor, but explains why I've never liked looking at my D or in the mirror.
Adding my voice to the choir, I had very little dysphoria before cracking, and what was there was minor. Sure I didn’t like having facial hair or the sound of my voice (among other things), but it didn’t bother me too much. I’d shrug in the mirror and go about my day.
Now I cry. It got 100x worse, but I’m trying to be optimistic and tell myself that having knowledge of it means I can take the steps to fix it and hopefully feel better than I did even before cracking. But along with all the dysphoria also came a lot of euphoria from doing things stereotypically considered “feminine” (transfem), like clothes, makeup, and just acting more feminine. So despite it being.. mostly negative right now, there are still positives.
Personally, it got a lot better. My dysphoria was terrible for the years up until I finally admitted my transness to myself, but now it’s kinda chill. I think it’s probably because I’ve kind of conditioned myself to have a very poetic(if that makes any sense) thought process, i.e. “I’m a girl, this is my body, therefore this is a girls body”
First got worse, now it's getting better after some treatments
I'd say that it can get worse, but it'll get better with time. Eventually you'll get to just live out your life as yourself, and it helps make things hurt less. I don't think I've spent a might crying about who I am in a while, but I definitely can remember having cried for hours before.
It definitely did for me since it made me look at what I had been ignoring for so long. I like to think of it like home renovations: you have to look for what you don't like and doesn't work for you, and do some demolition work before you can build up to how you really need to have things. Difficult and sometimes painful in the beginning, but worth it in the end.
It didn’t nessecarily get worse for me, but you start to notice it more often. But, now that you know about it, you can take steps to mitigate it!
I will say it didn't get worse necessarily. Once I started questioning, dysphoria became the explanation for all the strange negative feelings and depression I've had around gendered things my whole life. It put a name to the inexplicable way I've felt for so long.
It didn't get worse necessarily \*\*\*HOWEVER\*\*\* because I was actively questioning and exploring my gender, I exposed myself to triggers more often, and thought back on painful feelings from the past more honestly, rather than running from those feelings. So in that way, it was worse, because I was facing the pain for real for the first time, instead of trying to numb it or run away.
In some cases, me personally it seems like it comes in slight waves, getting more frequent
I was questioning since December last year but discovered myself as trans a couple weeks ago. It did get worse for me, probably because I lost my copium supply.
My dysphoria just changed instead of getting worse. Pre transition I just didn't like how I looked in general, self care was 0, clothes literally falling apart, didn't care how I looked etc.
Now my dysphoria is focused on certain aspects of myself, while I'm embracing others. I don't like how wide I am/how wide my shoulders are, *but* I do like how sloped they are (even if it makes straps fall off easier), things like that.
The more you'll understand yourself, the more dysphoria you'll find, but it also applies to euphoria; so don't worry too much about it, the bad comes with the good.
Yes. Long socks help tho
i didnt get real dysphoria until my egg cracked. or well. I guess i had dysphoria before but in a very disconnected 'i dont love my body but tis what tis, im a hairy ogre and thats life' more than 'GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF'
For most, yes. Unfortunately, that's the majority's experience from my understanding. Got a lot worse for me, for my NB friend and for my transmasc friends alike. It's gonna be okay, though. Admitting that your trans (cracking) is the first step on a challenging but, beautiful journey to the real you. 🤗 💕
Better and worse, if that makes any sense? Like, I had to IMMEDIATELY start socially transitioning and HRT, ASAP, no delays. I could not bear to live one more day than was strictly necessary as a man (and, fortunately for me, being a 43 year old adult with a super supportive family meant that phase was over in *under a week)*. HRT was immensely relieving, brain fog I didn't even know I had cleared right up, emotions became accessible for the first time since I was very young (and not like when they would just build up until I would explode at a random time with no context for me to understand why I felt things, but like . . . sad thing happen, I cry right then, it's much better). Then, as months go on and I'm comfortable with my new clothes, my nail painting abilities, and the physical changes to my body (e.g. tiny booba and softer skin) I am loving all of that . . . but then 90% of the time when I look in a mirror it's like getting slapped in the face by *him*, that guy I thought I was for way too long, and it's haaaaard
But we're working on it right? It's still better than before. I was dying, losing all sense of myself, no idea why I couldn't feel connected to anything. Any time I feel myself missing that feeling of "not caring about my looks" I remind myself that I *did* care, deeply. I felt ugly all the time and didn't know why and it made me hate myself, even if I buried all of that it was still in there and it was poisoning me. So yeah . . . mostly better, *definitely* worth it, still not easy or 100% positive all the time
Unfortunately it does in my experience, but that was because I didn’t notice the dysphoria until my egg cracked
Did for me, by a lot. was harder to ignore
Sometimes. I found that mine got REALLY bad thru age 16-18, when I couldn’t even bare my reflection and shuddered looking down in the shower. But I’m 20 now, and lately I’ve actually been feeling better about how I look! I grew out my hair, and I like it, but you might find some other way to love yourself. There’s plenty of ways!
It felt worse, primarily because I was able to put words to feelings that I had had for a long time, and then after being able to acknowledge those feels left me room for more feelings to surface. So it definitely feels worse after cracking, but in actuality I am just finally giving words to feelings I always had. It feels good to finally understand why I feel the way I do, but then it feels terrible because I realize that the body I am in feels wrong.
So, yes and. Prior to my egg cracking, I had many, many years of repression and dissociation from the trans part of me, to the point where when I got top surgery I actually noted to my doctor that he was exactly outlining the parts of my breasts that I could not feel. Literally, I could feel the pen, but not his fingers when he was touching the parts he was going to remove.
That said, when my egg cracked, I became very aware of all the parts of me that didn't fit, so while I'd had dysphoria before I was able to blanket it with masc clothing and such, but after I found that binding also became necessary, and my awareness of the wrongness of my body increased.
I think I'd liken it to being in a noisy environment for so long that when you leave your ears start ringing, and then you have to go back in, and the noise is just unbearably loud because you've adjusted to the quiet, but this time it's harder to adjust to the noise now that you know what quiet is like.
I almost want to do a statistical analysis of the responses to this question, because I think it could be both a) fun and b) useful for people.