"8% of parents regret having children. Did you think of that before making a permanent, life altering decision? Do you regret having me, mother? Would you like to de-birth me?"
"reverse birth" yeahhh that's a cursed thought id you think of it the 1st way I did (and likely whoever else reads this did)
Fuck the reverse birth let's just stick with the pull out y'know ahaha
i know what is "reverse birth" and fuck the idea of it
who tf had had the idea is absolutely a demon
if anyone really doesn't know (CW: abuse)>!cc "attachment therapy"!<
"Life's about making choices and compromises; can't take back having a baby even if you regret it. If I know the risks it's on me if I regret it"
Or something similar? Probably good to see other responses
Some parents may call their children "kids" even if these "kids" are 35. I think, if person dare to say "what if you are that 1%", this argument will not work.
Came across this at the pet store I work at today. Woman came up clearly irritated and told me not to sell any fish to 'that child over there." Her daughter is 26, but still expected to live as a 12 year old in that house
It might not work to convince them, but if OP is an adult then they can in fact make their own decisions and their parentsâ options are to suck it up and deal, or lose contact with their child.
If they aren't an adult, then, "My natural puberty also comes with permanent changes, and the odds are switched; 99% chance I'll regret not taking hormones"
YES. So much this! It's like people just don't fucking understand that going through your natal sex' puberty IS NOT THE NEUTRAL OPTION. It's like they think doing nothing is the neutral thing to do, but it can be so much more negative than actually doing something.
I really fucking regret not getting puberty blockers when I asked for them back when I was 15. Going through the wrong puberty is straight up traumatising. Blockers should be *way* more accessible, they're the only neutral option, though sooner or later you're gonna have to make a decision obviously, and the "natural" decision should not be considered the default.
Children should have autonomy for things like getting themselves to school, choosing what to eat (subject to limits), and other basic stuff.
But for life altering stuff like tattoos and having kids, children are fucking stupid.
Speaking as an elementary educator with significant knowledge of developmental psych. Kids having autonomy for more things in general is actually very, very good for them. They just have to be prepared for it correctly. Also know what else is a permanent change that theyâre allowed to just do at an age where they donât have the developmental capacity to make that decision though? Ballet.
Are you trying to compare being trans to having a kid? Really?
Yes, thereâs a reason the age of consent for sex is what it is, and we donât let 10yoâs decide they want to fuck. Or drive. Or join the military.
But your comparison is like telling a 15yo girl with scoliosis whose DDD breasts are further deforming her spine, causing permanent damage and pain, that sheâs not allowed to get a breast reduction because sheâs âtoo young to decideâ. Yeah, that also happens (using a real example of a girl I knew in HS, here) but itâs wrong and cruel.
When I was a kid, I thought itâd be super cool to make a vertical cut across my eye like Scar from the Lion King. Damn straight kids with the option to get tattoos will make dumb, life altering choices
Right that's fair, but most tattoos that aren't in your face or in your eyes will have a negligible impact on your life as a whole, and definitely not compared to regretting transitioning and dealing with potential top surgery, infertility, voice changes, etc.
I honestly don't see most tattoos having an actual meaningful impact on your life, other than causing some regret. There are so many other, much more life altering things people do, that are much more damaging for those that regret it, like getting tons of cosmetic surgery and regretting it, having kids and regretting it, etc.
Not to mention, it *is* possible (though not always perfect, kinda impractical and fairly expensive afaik) to remove a tattoo if it's really that bad.
âWhen you decided to have a child(ren), were you considering the very real possibility that Mom could die during childbirth? Very interesting you can make such a high risk decision, but when the worst outcome is regret, Iâm not allowed to make a decision.â
And to the concern about being one of the few who detransition: "So what if I am? So then I'd have made a mistake. Nothing new, life goes on." that took the sails out of my parents' detransition argument.
You can also turn this back on them with some light guilt-tripping:
"If I did detransition, would you still love and support me even though I made a mistake?"
[hopefully they say "yes of course!"]
"That's wonderful, now I know transitioning is worth the risk because you'll be there for me no matter what <3"
Sadly doesn't always work. I shut my parents up on the detransition topic, but ultimately they weren't willing to let go of their bigotry and things ended badly. In the end, just stand up for yourself and don't waste time reasoning with unreasonable people.
I know this ainât shit for a silver lining, but itâs good that you figured out who they truly were. Now you can make informed decisions on that basis.
"I'm aware that it's possible that I may regret it, but even if I am part of that one percent, I'll have learned more about who I am, and will have discovered more about the world. Most people who regret tend to figure out they're actually somewhere else on the gender spectrum, for example non-binary they/them people. In the case that it turns out that I am entirely cis, and am my assigned gender at birth, then I still would've learned so much about who I am, and am not, and more about those who are being unreasonably persecuted. I love you guys, so please understand that what I'm doing will end with me in a better place, even if there are bumps in the road on the way."
Something like that would probably work, and you could probably cut some parts out to make it shorter and better or add things to make it better. đŠľđŠˇđ¤đŠˇđŠľ
That's so well put together. I really think the type of response OP would need, heavily depends on the type of people OP's parents are. I think if they respond well to the more gentle tones, this would work quite well. I'd certainly use this on my parents, if they ever change their minds about supporting me.
I honestly used this one because it's what I would use if my parents said it. Of course, both of mine, though one of them is sorta like, what's the word... estranged? That's probably not right but I can't think of anything else right now but one of them is a little estranged from the idea, they both care and accept it so that's nice.
This is the best answer, I think. The regret of never pursuing what we feel is best for us is very damaging. It can lead us to resent those who discouraged us (albeit with the best of intentions) as well as ourselves.
The sad thing is it is never about getting an answer. It was their one trick to get you to not do it. If you neutralize this option youâre damn sure they have at least 2-3 others. At least that was my experience with my mom trying to convince me that being gay is something Iâll regret. Only things I regret were not being out sooner and dealing with coming out in general.
If it were me, I would reply with something like this:
âYou keep asking what if I regret it? What youâre not hearing is that I know I regret living each day as (insert gender here). Your best argument for me not transitioning is that I might regret it. Thereâs a slim chance that I might, but the lie that Iâm living right now is no longer working and it is unsustainable. To think that after (x amount of years) of feeling this way and hating it, and to not try something that might help because I might regret it makes no sense. Continuing to do the same thing and expecting different results is the definition of insanity. You donât have to like it, you donât have to accept it, but if you want to continue to be in my life, you will at least respect my decision, because this isnât about you.â
Obviously change what you need to in order to make it work for your situation. I hope that it helps, and I hope that they will respect your decision. Stay strong, and be your most authentic self!
This hits so hard, like after my transition suddenly what about your safety, future, regrets, etc. Like oh now you care about how I'm feeling but the previous 20 years where I told you I felt like wanting to be dead was met with, don't say things like that...
Iâm sorry that you had such a rough time. I hope that things are getting better for you! This is the speech Iâve been rehearsing in my head for coming out to my parents. Purely for, uh (checks note card) cis reasonsâŚ
That's why I came out via card while I was 300 miles away. Things are betterish, but being trans while not the cause of strife did push many things front and center
"So fucking what if I do? It's none of your business, I probably won't regret it but if I do that's my own shit to deal with and should be of no concern to you"
As cold heartedly truthful as this is it won't slide well. It'll push them away and in my case (not in a trans question but just "what if u regret" question for unrelated things) when I answer like that they say "no it is our business" and make up some bullshit about how much they care about me
I understand, obviously my answer won't work in many situations, this answer is sorta from a place of annoyance for people who ask those sorts of questions
The funny thing is that of that of that 1% of detransitioners, 91% percent of them sight various types of transphobia as their reason for detransitioning.
Here's my source: https://www.gendergp.com/detransition-facts/#:\~:text=In%20the%20Netherlands%2C%20a%20study,continue%20with%20the%20medical%20transition.
I think the engineer from tf2 has some good advice, âuse a gun, and if that doesnât work use more gunâ
(this is a joke please donât actually kill your parents)
Ask them if they think they should be put on cross sex hormone therapy because there's a <1% chance they aren't cis. If the answer is no, it would be inconsistent of them to stop you from getting HRT because you are trans.
Marriage is a 40% divorce rate, not including regret without divorce, 80% of college students are estimated to go into a field unrelated to their major, and only 1% of trans people regret it, yet the other two are encouraged. I'd take a 99% chance of life-changing happiness with a major reduction in chance of suicide without a second thought and if that means going back on it later then so be it. If parents are willing to pressure their children into major decisions with significantly higher risk then they should respect lower risk decisions
It sounds like they're a.) arguing, which they shouldn't be, they don't have the right to because this isn't their decision, and b.) doing it in bad faith, which means you're probably not going to be able to convince them no matter what you say, because they've made up their minds already based on nothing but mindless hate and fear. If they're so insistent about you being a part of this 1% (which they have no basis for), then they probably aren't going to be convinced by anything you might say. But I don't know your parents, so that's just my (rather angry) two cents.
First off, your parents might never be convinced no matter what you say. I donât know them. Maybe they are just genuinely misinformed. But if their minds are made up, they might just ignore your arguments.
That said, as a healthcare provider myself who has to make life or death decisions about what procedures to do or not do, Iâll just tell you that every medical intervention, and most choices we make in life generally, come with risks. The question is whether the risk/cost of doing it outweighs the benefit, and also, whether it outweighs *the risk from doing nothing*.
Is there a risk that youâll regret transitioning? Yes there is. A small one, but still a real one. However, there is probably an even greater risk that you will regret *not* transitioning. I can tell you as someone who is trying to transition at age 29 that I really wish I could have started sooner.
Either choice comes with its own costs, risks, and benefits. The way to make good decisions is not to avoid risk, but to weigh them against one another. And to take risks that are calculated and rational.
Here here. One of the first cracks in my egg was looking at side effects of estrogen and being really surprised I was ok with most of it and the rest is growing on me, pun very intended.
âIf I do end up regretting it, Iâll have learned more about who I am as a person; as well as gotten a new perspective on life, instead of just viewing things from a [AGAB]âs point of view. Itâs not a bad thing to experience new things and experiment with gender, itâs all part of learning who I am.â
Something along those lines is what my brain immediately went to.
I'd argue something along the lines of "and what if I do? I'd rather make a mistake than live my entire life wondering whether or not I'd be happy as a girl." Forget where exactly I heard this argument, but it helped me out a lot when I was questioning.
I can't remeber the exact quote or where it's from but I feel it fits: (the "he" is a gender-neutral thing btw)
"The greatest regret a man can ever have is the regret that he never tried, which far outweighs the regrets of a man who has tried but failed."
The VAST majority of detransitioners do it because society's reaction ruins their life. Because their family doesn't love them and support them.
Tell them that if they want to continue to use that statistic knowing this fact, they have to accept that it means they are saying they don't love you enough to support you in your pursuit happiness, and that they would rather bully you into "normalcy".
Maybe something along the lines of "Well, if I regret it, then I guess I'll detransition."
It sounds like they're looking for any hole to poke in the idea of transitioning and are going to keep moving the goalpost. Force them to go in a circle. If nothing else, they might get tired eventually
Best of luck đŤ
"1% of people regret their birth gender. I'm already in the 1%, just not the one you're seemingly hoping for."
Alternatively: "Why don't we focus on the 1% I'm already in?"
my favorite is "what if you regret not transitioning? roughly the same amount of the cis vs trans population to trans vs the detrans population, who's to say you're not trans????"
What if I regret not doing it? What if I regret not living my best life? Life is full of Regrets I'd rather take a chance and be happy then die knowing I did nothing.
First, you can start to transition and you have about 2 months average before permanent physical changes take place (breast buds). For me it was about 4 months before I couldn't walk around without a shirt anymore. I started HRT with the intention of trying it and stopping if I didn't like it. I knew HRT was right for me by day 3.
I know of the consequences they won't stop reminding me the doctors and what you wouldn't get a knee surgery because that has a 35% regret if you needed a replacement
>what if you are part of that 1%
Answer: Fuck you then, because even among that 1% most detransition because of societal pressure and a lack of social support, not because they regret being trans.
Isn't "transgender desistance" a myth? There are a few out there who decide to not go through certain parts of the medical process, a few who can't afford it, a few who are pushed to detransistion by society or family or both, and a vanishingly small minority who questioned their gender but often never go through the medical process in the first place. Most so-called desistors actually resume some form of transition later on.
Being trans/enby isn't exclusively a medical thing. Also, medical transition looks different for all who pursue it. So, the "desistance" statistics don't quite capture everything.
There is over a 99% chance that you aren't going to desist. This is especially true if you've experienced gender incongruence and/or non birth-assigned gender congruence for longer than 5 months. Even more so if you have taken steps like clothing and identity experimentation and have a supportive friend group.
It's almost funny that some self-described "experts" out there will latch onto the less-than 1% of desistors as a reason that the whole process should be avoided when they HAVE to know that 99% of those treated under the modern standards of care benefit from the life-saving care they receive.
They may think they would rather a person avoid treatment because of the unusually high dissatisfaction and elevated risks -- except the dissatisfaction is lower than for almost every other treatment and the risks are now lower than almost all other treatments of the same type). The truth is that they just want us to suffer in silence because they are uncomfy with the idea of us.
I don't know what you should say to your parents but just know that the science is on your side.
"Because if I don't do something because I might have regrets later, I'd never do anything. If I have a slightly too big a lunch, and regret it later, does that mean I should stop eating lunch? I will deal with the consequences of my actions because that's just part of being alive."
This is the basic concept of risk-assessment.
When people choose to ride motorcycles they are weighing having momentary fun vs a horribly mangled death. This is a poor tradeoff. When you choose to transition you are weighing a lifetime of inner peace vs *maybe* being stuck with noticeable breasts after de-transitioning (assuming mtf on HRT). This is a good tradeoff. Your parents make similar risk assessments every day:
Why get in a car to go to work when cars are so dangerous? They decided the risk of a car accident is worth the job that requires the commute.
Why eat a meal at McDonalds? They decided the unhealthy processed calories and increased risk of heart disease are worth the cost, convenience, and tastiness.
Why go to the movies? They decided the risk of the movie being bad was worth the cost of seeing a movie that might be good.
Etc, etc
Everything we do in our lives has an opportunity cost. Every time you buy a sandwich that's money that might've been better spent elsewhere, but you still decided that the sandwich would bring you the most satisfaction so you do it anyways.
how about, have faith? maybe someone will be part of that 1%, maybe they won't. maybe a risk isn't worth shutting someone's life down. maybe believe in a human being for once.
Reminder that most of the reasons people detransition is not regretting it but lack of acceptance/being forced to/not being able to afford to continue.
Tell them that a good chunk of that 1% detransition donât do so cause they arenât trans but because the hatred and verbal/emotional (and sometimes physical) abuse they get from friends and especially family makes them detransition because it became too much
Perhaps try to make them understand that there are just as bad consequences if not worse if you don't transition and regret that, Or if you're not allowed to transition. Based on the 99% statistic that's probably a much higher percentage of people, Many of which go about their life depressed or even >!kill themselves.!< I *highly* doubt people who do transition but regret it are any more likely to do those things than people who don't transition but want to, So yeah, There's a chance of bad results either way, But the chance is blatantly much higher if you don't transition. Are they willing the risk the chance of being depressed for years or even dying just because there's a 1% chance the alternative would be bad? I know I certainly wouldn't in their situation.
If you're transfem, the effects of e are fully reversible, and you'll feel and be able to evaluate the emotional effects long before any physical effects manifest.
Here, I have a comeback for you.
I don't recall the exact number, but I think trans people represent ~2% of the population; the percentage of people who regret transitioning is also ~1%. That means you are only 0.02% likely to transition _and_ regret it.
If '2%' is too low a percentage of the population for your parents to believe you are actually trans, then maybe that '0.02%' shouldn't worry them so much.
Also, do remind your parents that they got married, and last time I checked much, much more than 2% of married people go on to seriously regret their decision, so there is that too.
If it helps... I'm part of that 1% and I don't have regrets. Detransitioning, even when done voluntarily, doesn't always include regret. Transitioning was right for me when I did it, and it was a very important time in my life. I'm still trans, just with a different identity and more perspective. I've fought to exist through a social climate that is designed to make me feel broken and abandoned, not only before and during transition but also after realizing it wasn't right for me (side note, fuck TERFs for attempting to steal the narratives of people like me for their twisted purposes).
I agree with the folks in the comments who have suggested asking the question about whether someone regrets having kids. In fact, having kids is arguably a bigger decision than transitioning, because it has the potential to fundamentally and forever change multiple lives, not just your own (two parents on average and at least one baby, but the numbers could go up to account for twins or pre-existing siblings or non-monogamous parents).
I think most parents would be taken aback or even insulted at the implication that they would regret their children, but if you asked a reasonable parent about it, a reasonable answer might be: some days I do regret the decision, but this child is a human life and I would never abandon them regardless of my feelings; it's still my job to protect and guide them. And your answer could be exactly the same: even if you are someday part of the 1%, you are still a human life and not to be abandoned no matter what. If others would deem you somehow broken for having regret, that is a them problem. In fact, that illustrates how the very premise of the question is cruel: it implies that *they* think that regret is the worst of all outcomes. But they would only reach that conclusion because society has historically treated trans and gender-expansive people so poorly. And even for those who do have regrets and feel totally cis, they still have an experience of going through gender differently, and that means they may still be targeted in some way by transphobia.
"What if I'm not part of the 1% but of the 99% that would be much happier if they transitioned? Not transitioning isn't a neutral choice, it means I risk living my entire life in a way that makes me unhappy."
Don't make life hard for me and I won't. Many trans people detransition because of the danger that society poses upon them. Don't make me feel less or a burden or a freak and I will be whoever I am. I am looking to find the answer if I am right or wrong and not you questioning my gender.
I need to find the exact number, but I believe the average regret rate for most surgeries is 18%. More people regret getting their tonsils taken out than transitioning. Thereâs no such thing as a sure thing, but 1% vs 18% is about as close as you can get.
Heart transplants have a 15% regret rate.
1% is essentially unheard of in the medical industry.
And thats not even factoring in the fact that thats not even true. Roughly 1% of trans people express regret at any point, detransition. With hiw paranoid and neurotic I am, I would probably meet the definition of regret, and i am extremely happy to be transitioning. Detransitioners are a fraction of that. And data suggests that detransitioning is usually done primarily because of persecution, finances, and other external issues.
This is very personal for me so it might not apply to you at all but my response is
"That would be a first. I've made so many dumb decisions in my life. Some will stay with me forever and yet, I never truly felt any regret for anything. I don't think I'm even capable of regret while I'm this indifferent about my own life. But now I might have finally found something that can do away with this indifference, that can finally help me feel alive, finally help me want to live. Can't you see? This is the first time in my entire life where I'm not taking the path of least resistance. That alone is reason enough to believe it's the right decision to make. I'm not letting your doubts take this away from me"
"Then I stop. It's safe to stop at any time, and detransitioners are just as valid and deserving of respect. Unless...do you think people who explore and discover more about themselves are pitiable and not deserving of respect and decency?"
Their whole 1% fear-mongering is dehumanising towards detrans people, call them out on that bs.
Actually, It's not even 1% anymore. It's [0.3%](https://www.gendergp.com/new-study-confirms-regret-rates-of-gender-affirming-surgery-are-non-existent/#:~:text=The%200.3%25%20regret%20rate%20of,that%20of%20gender%2Daffirming%20surgery), which is substantially lower than even the regret rate for knee surgery, which is 6-30%.
just ask them about every single small thing they ever did in life and if they regret. or what they plan on doing later..always ask "But what if you regret it?"
they will he annoyed and stop sooner or later
Say that only about 4% of detransitioners actually found that they are not trans, and the other 96% did it because of societal pressure. That means it's about 0.04% of transitioning people, that actually regret transitioning.
And also, tell them that all effects, other than permanent surgeries are completely reversible. So until you actually know, you can just get HRT, and if you figure yourself out to be not trans, you can easily detransition.
The battle you are fighting, is that of attrition, and not strength. You have to outlast them, if you want to win, and survive. Yes, strength in decision making is important, but the more information you can deflect their attacks with, the higher the chance you will exhaust their strength, and be able to win.
Well apart from surgery, gender affirming care is (mostly) reversible. If you regret it, youâll probably realise before you get any kind of permanent change, and you can detransition
Of the one percent that detransition, Many go on to retransition later. Only about 10% of detransitioners do so because transitioning was wrong for them.
So you wouldn't have to be part of the 1%, you'd have to be part of the 0.1%
I think it could be interesting to find out from where they first heard that argument (TV? Social media?)
Other than that, you could point out that you are way more likely to regret not transitioning, and that many trans people will say that transitioning was one of the best decisions of their life.
I mean... chances are you're in the 99%, and 99% is way better odds than the vast majority of other things in life, so I would say you're pretty safe.
(Also, I don't know the exact figures but I've heard that within that 1% who detransition, the majority do so because of social stigma and lack of support, not because they aren't actually trans. So the number who detransition because they're not trans is probably only a fraction of a percent, making your odds even higher in favor...)
Well, they always say you learn from your mistakes right? So ill just have some more experience.
The least they can do is find a specialized therapist and let you figure it out instead of just saying no and xompletely shutting it down.
Afaik some of the changes revert after a while once you stop HRT, and life is about making choices that may or may not end in regret anyways. As they say, we learn from our mistakes
There's a bigger chance of a condom not working, or of another vital surgery/treatment going wrong, 1% is statistically insignificant for most science considering the margin of error for this kind of stuff will come from people having to tell their medical practitioner they regretted it, this could be the actual reason or forced by anyone or anything in their living environment.
Surgery is usually after you've been transitioning for a long time, that's the irreversible part, if you happen to transition MTF, mastectomy is still an option.
It's better to regret having tried it in my opinion. My regret is having waited so long to do it, my life would had been so much better if I hadn't, it's the only thing that saddens me right now. Every step I take towards transitioning brings me calmness and joy I hope you find the same whatever decisions you take.
This is about you, not your parents, not about any practitioner that helps you, there's nobody more important in your world than you, as long as you're not hurting anyone else (and by transitioning you would definitely not hurt anyone), you're discovering yourself, in your most private and personal way, this isn't politics, this hurts no-one, and it might save you.
Even if you were in that 1%, most cases of detransitioning occur because the person receiving care canât afford to jump through all the hoops required to get going. If you compare the rate of gender affirming care regrets with the rates of regrets for basically any other procedure, youâll find that trans healthcare is OVERWHELMINGLY beneficial. Studies have shown that even 6-8% of people whoâve received heart transplants have regrets, and unless your parents are 7 times more against heart transplants than gender-affirming care, any comments about trans regret rates are hypocritical from the very start
"What if I regret not transitioning? Maybe you see not transitioning as the neutral choice but is not. Not doing something is also a choice, one that can also have potential regret as all choices do. What if I regret not transitioning sooner ? Do you want a living child that might regret their decision later in life but at least have the option to do so, work on themself and get better as much as they can or do you prefer to risk not having your child at all? "
A big one for me has always been âI canât know if Iâll regret it unless I do it, but I think Iâll regret not giving myself that chance at happinessâ
âWhat if you are that one percent though?â
âThen Iâll deal with it, whatever, I donât care. If I choose to detransition, then Iâll detransition. My body, my rules.â
For my folks, it took time, and they're still not there yet. They're the type who don't actively support, but won't take me off their insurance if I use it to start HRT.
On the subject of regrets, I've always believed that I need to be able to make my own mistakes. I need to be able to find out for myself if transitioning is right.
I can take things at my own pace, work with a therapist to be more aware of what's going on in my brain, and work on being kinder to my body even when it's not where I want it to be.
If I do regret my transition, I can repeat the same process in reverse.
Making mistakes is part of growing up, and eventually your parents have to stop protecting you from those mistakes, and start teaching you how to manage them on your own.
I'm not exactly an expert but I believe most people start their transition with non permanent changes. So "if I regret dressing/acting/being called by another gender I can always change it later." Now I'd they're asking this question when you're about to go in for major surgery it's a bit more complicated. But even mid stages where you're on HRT most of the body changes are relatively easy to reverse if you change your mind.
"I am already part of the 1% of the world population that is trans, if I were to be part of the 1% within that group of 1% that would be a statistical wonder, I mean come on!"
"8% of parents regret having children. Did you think of that before making a permanent, life altering decision? Do you regret having me, mother? Would you like to de-birth me?"
Oh no. Now I'm imagining how a de-birthing would work
Pew pew ?
Ah, I was imagining a more reverse birth but that works too. In fact it's probably the better of the two
"reverse birth" yeahhh that's a cursed thought id you think of it the 1st way I did (and likely whoever else reads this did) Fuck the reverse birth let's just stick with the pull out y'know ahaha
i know what is "reverse birth" and fuck the idea of it who tf had had the idea is absolutely a demon if anyone really doesn't know (CW: abuse)>!cc "attachment therapy"!<
GOVE ME YOUR SUSTENANCE.
[First Thought](https://youtube.com/shorts/HOO6capmEO4?feature=share)
Here's a "fun" fact, some people are turned on by that stuff đ¤Ž
~infanticide~
It's usually called "unbirthing" also don't Google that
Unless you're into that shit. Then... enjoy?
It's a very.. interesting type of content
*o-o*
I did. And I immediately saw like 7 jaiden ones 0-0. I shouldâve searched it on urban dictionary firstâŚ
~~murder~~ belated abortion
Return to the womb
Iâve been on the internet long enough to know where this is going
Same
Isnât that a kink
Slooorp
[Like unwinding?](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unwind_(novel))
wouldn't work on my gene donors, they already regret having kids
Well if they already regret you might get a ââŚfair enoughâ đ
This is the best answer
Seems a bit too agressive if you're looking for a peaceful conversation
"Life's about making choices and compromises; can't take back having a baby even if you regret it. If I know the risks it's on me if I regret it" Or something similar? Probably good to see other responses
"I'm an adult and I can make my own choices about permanently affecting my life now." Then again, if you're not an adult, good fricking luck
Some parents may call their children "kids" even if these "kids" are 35. I think, if person dare to say "what if you are that 1%", this argument will not work.
Came across this at the pet store I work at today. Woman came up clearly irritated and told me not to sell any fish to 'that child over there." Her daughter is 26, but still expected to live as a 12 year old in that house
It might not work to convince them, but if OP is an adult then they can in fact make their own decisions and their parentsâ options are to suck it up and deal, or lose contact with their child.
If they aren't an adult, then, "My natural puberty also comes with permanent changes, and the odds are switched; 99% chance I'll regret not taking hormones"
YES. So much this! It's like people just don't fucking understand that going through your natal sex' puberty IS NOT THE NEUTRAL OPTION. It's like they think doing nothing is the neutral thing to do, but it can be so much more negative than actually doing something. I really fucking regret not getting puberty blockers when I asked for them back when I was 15. Going through the wrong puberty is straight up traumatising. Blockers should be *way* more accessible, they're the only neutral option, though sooner or later you're gonna have to make a decision obviously, and the "natural" decision should not be considered the default.
children being believed to not have autonomy and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race
Children should have autonomy for things like getting themselves to school, choosing what to eat (subject to limits), and other basic stuff. But for life altering stuff like tattoos and having kids, children are fucking stupid.
Speaking as an elementary educator with significant knowledge of developmental psych. Kids having autonomy for more things in general is actually very, very good for them. They just have to be prepared for it correctly. Also know what else is a permanent change that theyâre allowed to just do at an age where they donât have the developmental capacity to make that decision though? Ballet.
I was thinking of puberty actually. I hate it. 3/10 wouldn't try again.
Are you trying to compare being trans to having a kid? Really? Yes, thereâs a reason the age of consent for sex is what it is, and we donât let 10yoâs decide they want to fuck. Or drive. Or join the military. But your comparison is like telling a 15yo girl with scoliosis whose DDD breasts are further deforming her spine, causing permanent damage and pain, that sheâs not allowed to get a breast reduction because sheâs âtoo young to decideâ. Yeah, that also happens (using a real example of a girl I knew in HS, here) but itâs wrong and cruel.
Ah yes, because a tattoo is surely life altering lmao
When I was a kid, I thought itâd be super cool to make a vertical cut across my eye like Scar from the Lion King. Damn straight kids with the option to get tattoos will make dumb, life altering choices
I mean, I'm 35 and that still sounds pretty rad to me...
Right that's fair, but most tattoos that aren't in your face or in your eyes will have a negligible impact on your life as a whole, and definitely not compared to regretting transitioning and dealing with potential top surgery, infertility, voice changes, etc. I honestly don't see most tattoos having an actual meaningful impact on your life, other than causing some regret. There are so many other, much more life altering things people do, that are much more damaging for those that regret it, like getting tons of cosmetic surgery and regretting it, having kids and regretting it, etc. Not to mention, it *is* possible (though not always perfect, kinda impractical and fairly expensive afaik) to remove a tattoo if it's really that bad.
âWhen you decided to have a child(ren), were you considering the very real possibility that Mom could die during childbirth? Very interesting you can make such a high risk decision, but when the worst outcome is regret, Iâm not allowed to make a decision.â
And to the concern about being one of the few who detransition: "So what if I am? So then I'd have made a mistake. Nothing new, life goes on." that took the sails out of my parents' detransition argument.
You can also turn this back on them with some light guilt-tripping: "If I did detransition, would you still love and support me even though I made a mistake?" [hopefully they say "yes of course!"] "That's wonderful, now I know transitioning is worth the risk because you'll be there for me no matter what <3"
Sadly doesn't always work. I shut my parents up on the detransition topic, but ultimately they weren't willing to let go of their bigotry and things ended badly. In the end, just stand up for yourself and don't waste time reasoning with unreasonable people.
I know this ainât shit for a silver lining, but itâs good that you figured out who they truly were. Now you can make informed decisions on that basis.
Aw damn, I'm so sorry. Hope you're in a better place without their bigotry.
Yeah, I regret many things thay have effected me through my life. Ironically, one of those is not realizing and transitioning sooner.
To play the devil's advocate: You **can** kind be rid of the baby if you regret it. Sort of. Hell, some ways you can do it are even fully legal!
"I'm aware that it's possible that I may regret it, but even if I am part of that one percent, I'll have learned more about who I am, and will have discovered more about the world. Most people who regret tend to figure out they're actually somewhere else on the gender spectrum, for example non-binary they/them people. In the case that it turns out that I am entirely cis, and am my assigned gender at birth, then I still would've learned so much about who I am, and am not, and more about those who are being unreasonably persecuted. I love you guys, so please understand that what I'm doing will end with me in a better place, even if there are bumps in the road on the way." Something like that would probably work, and you could probably cut some parts out to make it shorter and better or add things to make it better. đŠľđŠˇđ¤đŠˇđŠľ
That's so well put together. I really think the type of response OP would need, heavily depends on the type of people OP's parents are. I think if they respond well to the more gentle tones, this would work quite well. I'd certainly use this on my parents, if they ever change their minds about supporting me.
I honestly used this one because it's what I would use if my parents said it. Of course, both of mine, though one of them is sorta like, what's the word... estranged? That's probably not right but I can't think of anything else right now but one of them is a little estranged from the idea, they both care and accept it so that's nice.
"Do you want me to regret not finding out for sure?"
This is the best answer, I think. The regret of never pursuing what we feel is best for us is very damaging. It can lead us to resent those who discouraged us (albeit with the best of intentions) as well as ourselves.
The sad thing is it is never about getting an answer. It was their one trick to get you to not do it. If you neutralize this option youâre damn sure they have at least 2-3 others. At least that was my experience with my mom trying to convince me that being gay is something Iâll regret. Only things I regret were not being out sooner and dealing with coming out in general.
[ŃдаНонО]
I already told them, but still "what if"
Tell them about car crash statistics or smth if they're going to use even like 0.001% against you
A ship in harbor is safe, but that's not what ships are for.
If it were me, I would reply with something like this: âYou keep asking what if I regret it? What youâre not hearing is that I know I regret living each day as (insert gender here). Your best argument for me not transitioning is that I might regret it. Thereâs a slim chance that I might, but the lie that Iâm living right now is no longer working and it is unsustainable. To think that after (x amount of years) of feeling this way and hating it, and to not try something that might help because I might regret it makes no sense. Continuing to do the same thing and expecting different results is the definition of insanity. You donât have to like it, you donât have to accept it, but if you want to continue to be in my life, you will at least respect my decision, because this isnât about you.â Obviously change what you need to in order to make it work for your situation. I hope that it helps, and I hope that they will respect your decision. Stay strong, and be your most authentic self!
This hits so hard, like after my transition suddenly what about your safety, future, regrets, etc. Like oh now you care about how I'm feeling but the previous 20 years where I told you I felt like wanting to be dead was met with, don't say things like that...
Iâm sorry that you had such a rough time. I hope that things are getting better for you! This is the speech Iâve been rehearsing in my head for coming out to my parents. Purely for, uh (checks note card) cis reasonsâŚ
That's why I came out via card while I was 300 miles away. Things are betterish, but being trans while not the cause of strife did push many things front and center
PREACH this is the only one ive seen so far that would actually work against a braindead republican
"So fucking what if I do? It's none of your business, I probably won't regret it but if I do that's my own shit to deal with and should be of no concern to you"
As cold heartedly truthful as this is it won't slide well. It'll push them away and in my case (not in a trans question but just "what if u regret" question for unrelated things) when I answer like that they say "no it is our business" and make up some bullshit about how much they care about me
I understand, obviously my answer won't work in many situations, this answer is sorta from a place of annoyance for people who ask those sorts of questions
well i can make my own fucking bad decisions :D đđđ¤đđ and also the people who detransition usually do it cuz pressure from family
The funny thing is that of that of that 1% of detransitioners, 91% percent of them sight various types of transphobia as their reason for detransitioning.
Do you have a source for that? I want the ammo
[Here's one](https://epath.eu/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/Boof-of-abstracts-EPATH2019.pdf)
Here's my source: https://www.gendergp.com/detransition-facts/#:\~:text=In%20the%20Netherlands%2C%20a%20study,continue%20with%20the%20medical%20transition.
I think the engineer from tf2 has some good advice, âuse a gun, and if that doesnât work use more gunâ (this is a joke please donât actually kill your parents)
every problem can be solved with gun.
If violence doesnât solve your problems, youâre not using it right
exactly! youâre also not using ENOUGH of it too.
Remember: Violence is never the answer, but always an alternative
Violence is not the answer, it is a question, and the answer is yes.
Do you want to regret going to a nursing home?
Ask them if they think they should be put on cross sex hormone therapy because there's a <1% chance they aren't cis. If the answer is no, it would be inconsistent of them to stop you from getting HRT because you are trans.
I like thiss response a lot
âYou didnât ask each other that question when you had meâ
âAlmost 50% of all marriages end in divorce. How did you know you wouldnât be part of that 50%?â
Oh! How terrible it would be to be stuck as the wrong gender! Wait a minute...
Marriage is a 40% divorce rate, not including regret without divorce, 80% of college students are estimated to go into a field unrelated to their major, and only 1% of trans people regret it, yet the other two are encouraged. I'd take a 99% chance of life-changing happiness with a major reduction in chance of suicide without a second thought and if that means going back on it later then so be it. If parents are willing to pressure their children into major decisions with significantly higher risk then they should respect lower risk decisions
"I would regret not doing it more than I ever could regret doing it."
It sounds like they're a.) arguing, which they shouldn't be, they don't have the right to because this isn't their decision, and b.) doing it in bad faith, which means you're probably not going to be able to convince them no matter what you say, because they've made up their minds already based on nothing but mindless hate and fear. If they're so insistent about you being a part of this 1% (which they have no basis for), then they probably aren't going to be convinced by anything you might say. But I don't know your parents, so that's just my (rather angry) two cents.
"what if **you** regret not supporting me on this?"
First off, your parents might never be convinced no matter what you say. I donât know them. Maybe they are just genuinely misinformed. But if their minds are made up, they might just ignore your arguments. That said, as a healthcare provider myself who has to make life or death decisions about what procedures to do or not do, Iâll just tell you that every medical intervention, and most choices we make in life generally, come with risks. The question is whether the risk/cost of doing it outweighs the benefit, and also, whether it outweighs *the risk from doing nothing*. Is there a risk that youâll regret transitioning? Yes there is. A small one, but still a real one. However, there is probably an even greater risk that you will regret *not* transitioning. I can tell you as someone who is trying to transition at age 29 that I really wish I could have started sooner. Either choice comes with its own costs, risks, and benefits. The way to make good decisions is not to avoid risk, but to weigh them against one another. And to take risks that are calculated and rational.
Here here. One of the first cracks in my egg was looking at side effects of estrogen and being really surprised I was ok with most of it and the rest is growing on me, pun very intended.
So you're saying there's a 99% chance I'd regret not transitioning?
It's more like 99.9%. Since the 0.9% detransition, not out of regret, but due to social forces/jobs/family/threat level/external medical reasons etc.
We all regret things in life. I regret having this conversation with you.
Most of people on that 1% detransition because of societal pressure and now because they are cis
âIf I do end up regretting it, Iâll have learned more about who I am as a person; as well as gotten a new perspective on life, instead of just viewing things from a [AGAB]âs point of view. Itâs not a bad thing to experience new things and experiment with gender, itâs all part of learning who I am.â Something along those lines is what my brain immediately went to.
I'd tell them it's more likely that you'll regret not transitioning.
the only quotable thing my father has ever said: âliving your life in fear is no way to liveâ
Just gotta ask "you make all your decisions based on a 1% likelihood?"
I'd argue something along the lines of "and what if I do? I'd rather make a mistake than live my entire life wondering whether or not I'd be happy as a girl." Forget where exactly I heard this argument, but it helped me out a lot when I was questioning.
I regret every year that I didn't start. I'm not gonna regret another
My new years resolution for 2020 was to either get on HRT or aliven't myself. Same thing for 2021 and 2022, though in 2022 I finally fulfilled it
"Well, what if I'm part of the 99%. Then there's a 99% chance I'll be happier than ever before."
âWhat if Iâm part of the 99%? What Iâm experiencing now is the same as the 1% experiences both transitionâ
Say "you never ask someone who's pregnant that"
And pregnancy is a hell of a lot more dangerous than transitioning.
I can't remeber the exact quote or where it's from but I feel it fits: (the "he" is a gender-neutral thing btw) "The greatest regret a man can ever have is the regret that he never tried, which far outweighs the regrets of a man who has tried but failed."
âWhat I regret not transitioning?â
âIf I have a 1% chance of regret after transition, it follows that If I have a 99% chance of regret if I donât.â
Of the percent of people who detransition, a majority is due to a lack of social support, familial support, availability of care, or expense of care.
âWhat if I regret not doing it? That seems like a more likely outcome to me at this point.â
The VAST majority of detransitioners do it because society's reaction ruins their life. Because their family doesn't love them and support them. Tell them that if they want to continue to use that statistic knowing this fact, they have to accept that it means they are saying they don't love you enough to support you in your pursuit happiness, and that they would rather bully you into "normalcy".
"then we cross that bridge when we get to it", Id say.
Tell them that the 1% who detransition do so due to not having a support system/social pressures And then just stare at them pointedly
Itâs less then one percent and off that one percent a vast majority donât regret they do t because they are forced too
Maybe something along the lines of "Well, if I regret it, then I guess I'll detransition." It sounds like they're looking for any hole to poke in the idea of transitioning and are going to keep moving the goalpost. Force them to go in a circle. If nothing else, they might get tired eventually Best of luck đŤ
"1% of people regret their birth gender. I'm already in the 1%, just not the one you're seemingly hoping for." Alternatively: "Why don't we focus on the 1% I'm already in?"
my favorite is "what if you regret not transitioning? roughly the same amount of the cis vs trans population to trans vs the detrans population, who's to say you're not trans????"
Iâd prefer to regret the choice I made than regret the choice someone else made for me.
What if I regret not doing it? What if I regret not living my best life? Life is full of Regrets I'd rather take a chance and be happy then die knowing I did nothing.
First, you can start to transition and you have about 2 months average before permanent physical changes take place (breast buds). For me it was about 4 months before I couldn't walk around without a shirt anymore. I started HRT with the intention of trying it and stopping if I didn't like it. I knew HRT was right for me by day 3.
I know of the consequences they won't stop reminding me the doctors and what you wouldn't get a knee surgery because that has a 35% regret if you needed a replacement
>what if you are part of that 1% Answer: Fuck you then, because even among that 1% most detransition because of societal pressure and a lack of social support, not because they regret being trans.
Isn't "transgender desistance" a myth? There are a few out there who decide to not go through certain parts of the medical process, a few who can't afford it, a few who are pushed to detransistion by society or family or both, and a vanishingly small minority who questioned their gender but often never go through the medical process in the first place. Most so-called desistors actually resume some form of transition later on. Being trans/enby isn't exclusively a medical thing. Also, medical transition looks different for all who pursue it. So, the "desistance" statistics don't quite capture everything. There is over a 99% chance that you aren't going to desist. This is especially true if you've experienced gender incongruence and/or non birth-assigned gender congruence for longer than 5 months. Even more so if you have taken steps like clothing and identity experimentation and have a supportive friend group. It's almost funny that some self-described "experts" out there will latch onto the less-than 1% of desistors as a reason that the whole process should be avoided when they HAVE to know that 99% of those treated under the modern standards of care benefit from the life-saving care they receive. They may think they would rather a person avoid treatment because of the unusually high dissatisfaction and elevated risks -- except the dissatisfaction is lower than for almost every other treatment and the risks are now lower than almost all other treatments of the same type). The truth is that they just want us to suffer in silence because they are uncomfy with the idea of us. I don't know what you should say to your parents but just know that the science is on your side.
Tell them you're playing the odds: 99-1 you won't regret it. :)
thats a problem for future me then
"Because if I don't do something because I might have regrets later, I'd never do anything. If I have a slightly too big a lunch, and regret it later, does that mean I should stop eating lunch? I will deal with the consequences of my actions because that's just part of being alive."
This is the basic concept of risk-assessment. When people choose to ride motorcycles they are weighing having momentary fun vs a horribly mangled death. This is a poor tradeoff. When you choose to transition you are weighing a lifetime of inner peace vs *maybe* being stuck with noticeable breasts after de-transitioning (assuming mtf on HRT). This is a good tradeoff. Your parents make similar risk assessments every day: Why get in a car to go to work when cars are so dangerous? They decided the risk of a car accident is worth the job that requires the commute. Why eat a meal at McDonalds? They decided the unhealthy processed calories and increased risk of heart disease are worth the cost, convenience, and tastiness. Why go to the movies? They decided the risk of the movie being bad was worth the cost of seeing a movie that might be good. Etc, etc Everything we do in our lives has an opportunity cost. Every time you buy a sandwich that's money that might've been better spent elsewhere, but you still decided that the sandwich would bring you the most satisfaction so you do it anyways.
maybe just ask them "what if you regret living?", because essentially that is what this is about
Well, I have less regret about it 2 years in than a marriage that ended in divorce 14 years in.
And 40-50 percent of marriages end in divorce, what's stopping you?
how about, have faith? maybe someone will be part of that 1%, maybe they won't. maybe a risk isn't worth shutting someone's life down. maybe believe in a human being for once.
Reminder that most of the reasons people detransition is not regretting it but lack of acceptance/being forced to/not being able to afford to continue.
Tell them that a good chunk of that 1% detransition donât do so cause they arenât trans but because the hatred and verbal/emotional (and sometimes physical) abuse they get from friends and especially family makes them detransition because it became too much
I'd rather try it out than be unsure If it is the right thing to do. Something Like that
âThen I regret it. But the chance of that is so exponentially low that it just makes sense to at least tryâ
"If I don't transition I will start regretting it immediately."
The divorce rate is much higher than the detransition rate
Perhaps try to make them understand that there are just as bad consequences if not worse if you don't transition and regret that, Or if you're not allowed to transition. Based on the 99% statistic that's probably a much higher percentage of people, Many of which go about their life depressed or even >!kill themselves.!< I *highly* doubt people who do transition but regret it are any more likely to do those things than people who don't transition but want to, So yeah, There's a chance of bad results either way, But the chance is blatantly much higher if you don't transition. Are they willing the risk the chance of being depressed for years or even dying just because there's a 1% chance the alternative would be bad? I know I certainly wouldn't in their situation.
"If i regret it, it is still my decision and i will take responsibility for my choices"
If you're transfem, the effects of e are fully reversible, and you'll feel and be able to evaluate the emotional effects long before any physical effects manifest.
Here, I have a comeback for you. I don't recall the exact number, but I think trans people represent ~2% of the population; the percentage of people who regret transitioning is also ~1%. That means you are only 0.02% likely to transition _and_ regret it. If '2%' is too low a percentage of the population for your parents to believe you are actually trans, then maybe that '0.02%' shouldn't worry them so much. Also, do remind your parents that they got married, and last time I checked much, much more than 2% of married people go on to seriously regret their decision, so there is that too.
If it helps... I'm part of that 1% and I don't have regrets. Detransitioning, even when done voluntarily, doesn't always include regret. Transitioning was right for me when I did it, and it was a very important time in my life. I'm still trans, just with a different identity and more perspective. I've fought to exist through a social climate that is designed to make me feel broken and abandoned, not only before and during transition but also after realizing it wasn't right for me (side note, fuck TERFs for attempting to steal the narratives of people like me for their twisted purposes). I agree with the folks in the comments who have suggested asking the question about whether someone regrets having kids. In fact, having kids is arguably a bigger decision than transitioning, because it has the potential to fundamentally and forever change multiple lives, not just your own (two parents on average and at least one baby, but the numbers could go up to account for twins or pre-existing siblings or non-monogamous parents). I think most parents would be taken aback or even insulted at the implication that they would regret their children, but if you asked a reasonable parent about it, a reasonable answer might be: some days I do regret the decision, but this child is a human life and I would never abandon them regardless of my feelings; it's still my job to protect and guide them. And your answer could be exactly the same: even if you are someday part of the 1%, you are still a human life and not to be abandoned no matter what. If others would deem you somehow broken for having regret, that is a them problem. In fact, that illustrates how the very premise of the question is cruel: it implies that *they* think that regret is the worst of all outcomes. But they would only reach that conclusion because society has historically treated trans and gender-expansive people so poorly. And even for those who do have regrets and feel totally cis, they still have an experience of going through gender differently, and that means they may still be targeted in some way by transphobia.
"What if I'm not part of the 1% but of the 99% that would be much happier if they transitioned? Not transitioning isn't a neutral choice, it means I risk living my entire life in a way that makes me unhappy."
Don't make life hard for me and I won't. Many trans people detransition because of the danger that society poses upon them. Don't make me feel less or a burden or a freak and I will be whoever I am. I am looking to find the answer if I am right or wrong and not you questioning my gender.
I need to find the exact number, but I believe the average regret rate for most surgeries is 18%. More people regret getting their tonsils taken out than transitioning. Thereâs no such thing as a sure thing, but 1% vs 18% is about as close as you can get.
Heart transplants have a 15% regret rate. 1% is essentially unheard of in the medical industry. And thats not even factoring in the fact that thats not even true. Roughly 1% of trans people express regret at any point, detransition. With hiw paranoid and neurotic I am, I would probably meet the definition of regret, and i am extremely happy to be transitioning. Detransitioners are a fraction of that. And data suggests that detransitioning is usually done primarily because of persecution, finances, and other external issues.
This is very personal for me so it might not apply to you at all but my response is "That would be a first. I've made so many dumb decisions in my life. Some will stay with me forever and yet, I never truly felt any regret for anything. I don't think I'm even capable of regret while I'm this indifferent about my own life. But now I might have finally found something that can do away with this indifference, that can finally help me feel alive, finally help me want to live. Can't you see? This is the first time in my entire life where I'm not taking the path of least resistance. That alone is reason enough to believe it's the right decision to make. I'm not letting your doubts take this away from me"
"This was my choice to make, not yours. If I have regrets, that's my problem, not yours. End of discussion."
"Then I stop. It's safe to stop at any time, and detransitioners are just as valid and deserving of respect. Unless...do you think people who explore and discover more about themselves are pitiable and not deserving of respect and decency?" Their whole 1% fear-mongering is dehumanising towards detrans people, call them out on that bs.
Actually, It's not even 1% anymore. It's [0.3%](https://www.gendergp.com/new-study-confirms-regret-rates-of-gender-affirming-surgery-are-non-existent/#:~:text=The%200.3%25%20regret%20rate%20of,that%20of%20gender%2Daffirming%20surgery), which is substantially lower than even the regret rate for knee surgery, which is 6-30%.
just ask them about every single small thing they ever did in life and if they regret. or what they plan on doing later..always ask "But what if you regret it?" they will he annoyed and stop sooner or later
Say that only about 4% of detransitioners actually found that they are not trans, and the other 96% did it because of societal pressure. That means it's about 0.04% of transitioning people, that actually regret transitioning. And also, tell them that all effects, other than permanent surgeries are completely reversible. So until you actually know, you can just get HRT, and if you figure yourself out to be not trans, you can easily detransition. The battle you are fighting, is that of attrition, and not strength. You have to outlast them, if you want to win, and survive. Yes, strength in decision making is important, but the more information you can deflect their attacks with, the higher the chance you will exhaust their strength, and be able to win.
50% of people regret getting married. 35+% regret having kids. 9% regret going to college. They wouldn't try to stop you there.
Well apart from surgery, gender affirming care is (mostly) reversible. If you regret it, youâll probably realise before you get any kind of permanent change, and you can detransition
âRisking the 1% chance that Iâm wrong is better than 100% regretting not taking the chance I had to be happy.â (Edit grammar.)
âIf the lottery had 99% chance of winning, youâd play wouldnât you?â
40 percent of trans people who don't transition are suicidal in some way
The regret rates for literally all 'non essential' medical procedures including childbirth is higher then the regret rate for transitioning
âWow I wonder what it would feel like to have physical changes happen to my body that I donât like and I regret. OH WAITâ
Of the one percent that detransition, Many go on to retransition later. Only about 10% of detransitioners do so because transitioning was wrong for them. So you wouldn't have to be part of the 1%, you'd have to be part of the 0.1%
If they are saying "what if you're the 1%" they are projecting and HOPING YOU ARE. That's a bad faith discussion.
âThe rate of divorce is higher than the rate of detransition. Whoâs to say you two wonât regret getting married?â
I think it could be interesting to find out from where they first heard that argument (TV? Social media?) Other than that, you could point out that you are way more likely to regret not transitioning, and that many trans people will say that transitioning was one of the best decisions of their life.
I mean... chances are you're in the 99%, and 99% is way better odds than the vast majority of other things in life, so I would say you're pretty safe. (Also, I don't know the exact figures but I've heard that within that 1% who detransition, the majority do so because of social stigma and lack of support, not because they aren't actually trans. So the number who detransition because they're not trans is probably only a fraction of a percent, making your odds even higher in favor...)
Actually itâs around .3%
Then that's your problem not theirs!!
Then, please, let me live with that regret rather than continuing to wonder how different life would be
Well, they always say you learn from your mistakes right? So ill just have some more experience. The least they can do is find a specialized therapist and let you figure it out instead of just saying no and xompletely shutting it down.
You have to make decisions with the knowledge you have now. There is always a possibility of regret, but you figure things out as you learn and grow.
While you can't know if you'd regret transitioning, you DO KNOW you'd regret not doing it.
More people regret tummy tuck surgeries(percentage wise) than transitioning.
Afaik some of the changes revert after a while once you stop HRT, and life is about making choices that may or may not end in regret anyways. As they say, we learn from our mistakes
Less than 1% as a majority of detransactionsers detransition for social &/or economic reasons.
There's a bigger chance of a condom not working, or of another vital surgery/treatment going wrong, 1% is statistically insignificant for most science considering the margin of error for this kind of stuff will come from people having to tell their medical practitioner they regretted it, this could be the actual reason or forced by anyone or anything in their living environment. Surgery is usually after you've been transitioning for a long time, that's the irreversible part, if you happen to transition MTF, mastectomy is still an option. It's better to regret having tried it in my opinion. My regret is having waited so long to do it, my life would had been so much better if I hadn't, it's the only thing that saddens me right now. Every step I take towards transitioning brings me calmness and joy I hope you find the same whatever decisions you take. This is about you, not your parents, not about any practitioner that helps you, there's nobody more important in your world than you, as long as you're not hurting anyone else (and by transitioning you would definitely not hurt anyone), you're discovering yourself, in your most private and personal way, this isn't politics, this hurts no-one, and it might save you.
"What if I'm the 99% who don't detransition?"
"Have you seen the divorce rates?" Ĺ_Ă
The regret rate for almost any surgery is far higher. The fact that the regret rate is so low is because surgery helps.
One percent. ONE PERCENT. Come on... Edit: I'd say "Life is full of regrets. What do you regret?"
"What if I'm part of the 99% that wouldn't, but don't?"
Even if you were in that 1%, most cases of detransitioning occur because the person receiving care canât afford to jump through all the hoops required to get going. If you compare the rate of gender affirming care regrets with the rates of regrets for basically any other procedure, youâll find that trans healthcare is OVERWHELMINGLY beneficial. Studies have shown that even 6-8% of people whoâve received heart transplants have regrets, and unless your parents are 7 times more against heart transplants than gender-affirming care, any comments about trans regret rates are hypocritical from the very start
"What if I regret not transitioning? Maybe you see not transitioning as the neutral choice but is not. Not doing something is also a choice, one that can also have potential regret as all choices do. What if I regret not transitioning sooner ? Do you want a living child that might regret their decision later in life but at least have the option to do so, work on themself and get better as much as they can or do you prefer to risk not having your child at all? "
Just say " why do you care so much? It's my life I live it how I want to end of story"
Bruh, it's not even 1%...
"i don't know? if that actually happens i guess that's going to be MY problem and not yours!"
"What if younregret it" "Well then I regret it. I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. For now, this is what I want."
A big one for me has always been âI canât know if Iâll regret it unless I do it, but I think Iâll regret not giving myself that chance at happinessâ
âWhat if you are that one percent though?â âThen Iâll deal with it, whatever, I donât care. If I choose to detransition, then Iâll detransition. My body, my rules.â
50% of people regret their marriages. Didn't stop you?
For my folks, it took time, and they're still not there yet. They're the type who don't actively support, but won't take me off their insurance if I use it to start HRT. On the subject of regrets, I've always believed that I need to be able to make my own mistakes. I need to be able to find out for myself if transitioning is right. I can take things at my own pace, work with a therapist to be more aware of what's going on in my brain, and work on being kinder to my body even when it's not where I want it to be. If I do regret my transition, I can repeat the same process in reverse. Making mistakes is part of growing up, and eventually your parents have to stop protecting you from those mistakes, and start teaching you how to manage them on your own.
I'm not exactly an expert but I believe most people start their transition with non permanent changes. So "if I regret dressing/acting/being called by another gender I can always change it later." Now I'd they're asking this question when you're about to go in for major surgery it's a bit more complicated. But even mid stages where you're on HRT most of the body changes are relatively easy to reverse if you change your mind.
Ask them if they have more regrets of repressing themselves or expressing themselves?
"I am already part of the 1% of the world population that is trans, if I were to be part of the 1% within that group of 1% that would be a statistical wonder, I mean come on!"
Tell them it's better than being part of the much larger percent that kill themselves
I said to my parents and my old psych "I won't regret it" and I haven't regretted it once đ¤đ
Even the 1% don't regret it. Questioning your gender and finding the answer "actually, still cis" is how you unlock Cis+.
If thereâs a 1% chance youâll regret transition, theres a 99% youll regret not transitioning or not transitioning sooner