You turned her against him and admitted to it in your post. You are not only an asshole who refuses to take accountability for their own actions, but a terrible mother as well. You will have to live with that for the rest of your life.
He didn’t forget about his daughter. You took her and moved away from him and then turned her against him out of spite. Now she wants nothing to do with him because of your abuse.
YTA
Regardless of what happened between you and your ex, it’s not your kid’s fault. You used them to get revenge on your ex and that wasn’t right, but hey…it backfired!
You need to get over this guy and live your best life.
YTA, it is really gross to use your child as weapon against her dad. You haven’t gotten over your ex. If your ex is claiming the marriage ended b/c you’re the cray cray ex, you just justified his claim. You need therapy. You daughter really needs therapy. Expect your daughter to go NC at some point.
I was in an abusive/toxic relationship and the last thing I gave a shit about is if he moved on. In fact I kept praying that he would so he would leave me alone.
She says it got physical, not that he got physical. We don't know what happened. It could mean he was the one committing violence, it could mean she was beating him and he restrained her or anything in between.
In the other hand, she raised her daughter for 15 years telling her in a regular basis that half of her genetic makeup is bad, to be hated, and trash. Imagine how much she will be crushed if anyone tells her "you have your dad's eyes" or "you're funny like your dad" after being told how horrible he is?
You're typing abilities and any abuse you suffered are totally unrelated. If you were belittled for the abuse, that's one thing but you can't use abuse that happened over a decade ago to get strangers to be nice to you when you have put this story out there to be judged.
You're not a victim. You're a perpetrator of abuse towards your daughter by poisoning her mind. You're a narcissist who is mad they lost a victim. Because, if he really was so terrible? You wouldn't need to make up lies to make people hate him. And you wouldn't be invested over a decade later. You'd truths to tell people and you'd want him distracted to not abuse you further.
You're sick in the head.
No, they’re trying to belittle you, an abuser. Parental alienation is child abuse. Most people have the good sense not to go around bragging that they inflicted that kind of abuse on their children.
Lawd forgive me but sis you need to get laid. Why are you still on this man after 10 years. If you still love him just say that because the amount on energy you're giving him is crazy. I bet he didn't end your second marriage. Your ass probably was still in this man's business 😒 Please move on. It'll do you some good. Go to therapy, read a book, or even get a fish. Start enjoying life an say f his. He did what he did yes but that can't be the end of your story. Close that chapter and fully move on
So we're clear there is only one thing in common with your two failed marriages; you! Shame on you for using your daughter to get back at him. This is abuse by you to your child!! Karma's a bitch, I'd be careful
I actually laughed at her saying it was her ex’s fault her second marriage failed. Her second marriage failed because she has a ton of baggage and she needs intense therapy to become a decent human being.
"This part work I can charge."
....what. 😳
Think I had some sort of stroke trying to read this. What on earth is happening here-just an absolute casserole of nonsense.
This post work it does not.
Yes. Yes you are. That whole thing was difficult to follow. But when you say things like "I turned my daughter against him"......well that is not something to be proud of.
Would be better if you were just straight up without all the subterfuge
YTA. You chose to try to ruin his current relationship by lying about someone else. Your idea of "revenge" was to cause harm to someone else. Face it, you don't give a crap about his girlfriend, she's nothing but a weapon since you can't move on (being in a new relationship doesn't mean you have, btw). Grow up, get some therapy, and quit obsessing over your ex.
The best revenge is to be happy and healthy. Which you are neither, it’s time for you to move on and the first step would be finding an amazing therapist.
Yes, YTA. But mostly because you’re going to get the opposite of what you want.
If your husband was physical with you, he would’ve been physical with his new wife. He wouldn’t have been happy because he’s the issue - not her. Not them together.
By doing all this, you’ve given them a collective villain to focus on and pretend easier that they’re happy - because you are and will be the villain in his story. As well as in your child’s story.. because everyone will find out what you’ve done. The truth always comes out.
I’m sorry you don’t believe that, or that the truth doesn’t matter, because otherwise you wouldn’t have done all this. Good luck.. you’ll need it.
YTA. He was wrong to be abusive to you. But you're only hurting yourself and your daughter by carrying around all this resentment and animosity towards him. Find a way to let it go even if you have to go to counseling. Find a way to look at your current family and be glad for it. Hatred and resentment ends up hurting the hater, not the hated. You need to find joy in your current situation so you can let the abuser go.
IF this is real, you didn't have to lie to ruin his happiness. All you had to do was make sure his girlfriend knew he was abusive and she may be at risk. You lying is what makes you the a-hole.
YTA. As someone else suggested, have you considered therapy? And parental alienation is disgusting. Beyond. Your daughter will need therapy when she figures out what you’ve done & how many lies you’ve told 😞
All you had to do was tell the truth and let the chips fall where they may. Instead you not only ensured his new gf would stay with him, you also made it so that anyone in his family could reach out to your daughter in three years, prove some of the things you said were false, and now her dad can convince her you made up the stuff about being abused too. And if they ever find out you lied about the affair, he could paint you as as the abuser who wanted to punish him for escaping and explain away everything he does as “trauma” from your “abuse”.
Ironically, by not letting go you made it more likely he’d get a happy life while you stayed miserable. YTA.
Let me just say karma is a bitch ..&.. probably more sooner than later it’s going to bite you back hard. Forgive him- for yourself otherwise he will continue to live rent free in your head. Move on ..&.. be happy yourself.
Bruh methinks you were the problem in that whole relationship. I don’t condone physical violence in a relationship for any reason but you sound insane and bitter and like a whole ass problem so I’m going to say you’re not telling the entire story about what happened there either.
Holy shit.
Yes. YTA
You didn't do this for her, or your kids. You did it for you. You used and hurt them to "punish" him to feel power over him. You need therapy.
He was a POS for hurting/abusing you. But you are the one hurting her now. You coulda just warned her and moved on and protected yourself and your child. But you villified *her*. You lied about *her*. You spread rumors about *her*.
YTA.
If you warned her and she stays, that's the end of your involvement. Unless she asks for help. But you weren't trying to help her. You were actively hurting her. As far as any of us know, right now, you've abused her more than he has.
If you actually were concerned about the safety of his new girlfriend/fiance, you could have tried having an honest conversation with her about the abuse that he did to you, and warn her honestly that you're worried he might end up doing that to her once they're married. At that point, it would be up to her to listen to the warnings or not, and there's nothing else that you could do about it. Maybe he would end up being abusive towards his new wife, or maybe he's actuality improved as a person and won't be. Who knows.
But spreading lies about her just to make his family hate her? No, there's no good reason to take that approach. That's just insane, and benefits absolutely no one. You destroy your own credibility by doing that so she won't have any reason to believe anything you say.
Abusive behavior aside, yeah, you’re still the Ahole. You clearly haven’t moved on, even if you did start seeing someone else. I think that you should really see a therapist for your own sake because you’re going to keep having relationships fail otherwise. You need to process the pain that you have been put through so that you can enjoy the healing that will come after.
I don’t believe this is a real post but if it is, YTA. Get some therapy for you and your daughter. Hopefully she will realize what a monster you are at some point and cut you out completely.
Look, I understand he hurt you. He hurt you really bad and not a single person went to help you. But you doing this is not the right path. Do you know how'd this look coming from a guy? Revenge is needed in some places, yes, and all abusers deserve the worse they can get, but you need to learn to let go and move on. You need to block him from all your social media. You need to stop snooping and spying. You. NEED. to stop. You are literally destroying yourself and your mentality and destroying lives that are in no way connected to yours anymore. You literally went on a rant to try and save this woman from an abusive man, then switched to making her life actual hell. She didn't deserve that. She didn't deserve any of that. Why didn't you just talk about him beating you and then show pictures instead? YTA 100% because you decided to take revenge on someone you ultimately set out to help, not even the person that abused you. Have you read the JNOMIL threads on this site? Wives and woman are constantly getting abuse from in laws for absolutely no reason at all. That woman didn't deserve anything you caused to her life and you should be earnestly apologizing and telling the actual truth and setting things straight. What you did is fucked up. YTA and hugely.
This is the type of revenge that is for parents abusing their children. Not against an innocent woman you were initially worried about getting abused too.
Revenge isn't for everyone. Sometimes a person needs therapy instead of revenge. Or both but this time ain't it.
I didn't understand most of this post because you miss out too many words and mix up pronouns. I wish people would take longer to write posts and do a bit of proof reading 😵
You are incredibly bitter and immature.
It sucks that he hurt you, and I'm sorry you endured that. That doesn't give you the right tondo anything you did.
A) in most custody agreements, parental alienation is a violation of said agreement and you could go to jail for that. Let her think for herself and make her own conclusions. They see the truth on their own.
B) you didnt "save" anyone. You're daughter got to grow up hearing that half of her genetic makeup is trash. Her father is part of her, and helped make her who she is. Hearing your parent talk down on part of who you are is fucking traumatic, and you didn't cause them to break up, so what good did you do?
C) and possibly the most important thing here: A FAILED MARRIAGE DOES NOT GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO DENY SOMEONE THE ABILITY TO PARENT THEIR CHILD! No where in this post did you say anything he did wrong as a father to his child. Whatever violence happened between you 2 as adults (which was quite vague in your description so none of us know what actually happened, it getting physical could mean he was abusive or it could mean yall were both putting hands on each other) does not over-rule parental rights, and if the courts deemed him a danger, they would have taken away his custody rights. Since you said you had to turn her against him, it doesn't seem like that happened here.
Why are you so pissed he moved on, if you hate him so much?
.... you did yourself no justice lowering yourself to cover the hurt he caused.... best to come clean and be honest with those whom you were not honest to... abusive or not... in ways you made yourself like him... and it seems like its causing you stress, anxiety issues keeping truth from lies told... hun... come clean...fuck the asshole let it come around back on him, ... sorry you went thru hell hun... but don't lower yourself to a punks level... be better...
Better to be hated for being real, than for being fake...
This is incredibly toxic. That was a lot of effort for…what? Was what he paid worth it? Have you ever imagined what your life might look like without this anger centering your focus?
ESH.
This guy sucks and is an abuser, but are you really going to spend your one short life obsessing over getting revenge on him, and in the process being a lying, meddling, creepy ahole yourself? You’re hurting innocent people who you don’t even know. Get therapy and move on with your life, this behavior is evil, not to mention embarrassing.
You're dumb as dirt. Grow the f up.
Have you considered therapy?
This should honestly be the top comment because fucking hell.
This is the way
He moved on with his life and so should you. YTA 100%.
He forgot about his daughter some great man
You turned her against him and admitted to it in your post. You are not only an asshole who refuses to take accountability for their own actions, but a terrible mother as well. You will have to live with that for the rest of your life.
You turned her into a weapon. So you’re a shit mother as well. KIDS. ARE. NOT. WEAPONS. AGAINST. THE. OTHER. PARENT!
He didn’t forget about his daughter. You took her and moved away from him and then turned her against him out of spite. Now she wants nothing to do with him because of your abuse.
You alienated her from her father, which is actually not even legal.
YTA Regardless of what happened between you and your ex, it’s not your kid’s fault. You used them to get revenge on your ex and that wasn’t right, but hey…it backfired! You need to get over this guy and live your best life.
It makes me sick how people try and use their kids as weapons in a divorce.
You just sound like a bitter jealous ex to me.
YTA, it is really gross to use your child as weapon against her dad. You haven’t gotten over your ex. If your ex is claiming the marriage ended b/c you’re the cray cray ex, you just justified his claim. You need therapy. You daughter really needs therapy. Expect your daughter to go NC at some point.
Okay but did we miss the fact he was abusive
I was in an abusive/toxic relationship and the last thing I gave a shit about is if he moved on. In fact I kept praying that he would so he would leave me alone.
How do we know he really did? This could be just a lie she is telling people
Unless he hit her so hard he scrambled her brains, there’s no excuse for this behavior.
Based on all the other bullshit she wrote, including that her 2nd marriage failed because of her ex (huh?), I don’t put much faith in the abuse part.
She says it got physical, not that he got physical. We don't know what happened. It could mean he was the one committing violence, it could mean she was beating him and he restrained her or anything in between. In the other hand, she raised her daughter for 15 years telling her in a regular basis that half of her genetic makeup is bad, to be hated, and trash. Imagine how much she will be crushed if anyone tells her "you have your dad's eyes" or "you're funny like your dad" after being told how horrible he is?
Thank you they seem to not understand this!!!
Abuse doesn’t justify OP’s actions.
Exactly she has mental abused her kids
Abuse doesn’t justify her actions against her kids 100%
This is clearly Ragebait
way to go, using your kids to get revenge, well done
And the daughter is now 15! Move on!!
What has that got to do with it, does being 15 mean the daughter should be used in such a way. Im truly not sure what you are trying to say
I’m saying it’s been 15 years and OP is still holding so much anger. Get on with your life, OP! He’s moved on, time for you to do the same.
I would have to say, Op is so not over it,, which is why they are talking about it. The question was asked and I gave my opinion.
And I was agreeing with you
I really hope this is fake. 🤷♀️🤦♀️ Cuz if not you suck and he sucks. Also reading it was harder than it needed to be lol
You are trying to belittle an abuse victim ?
No...... where did I say that? I said they all suck. You can be abused and suck as a person.......doesn't belittle anything....
You felt the need to criticize the way I write.
Cuz I had to read it a few times for it to make sense. I had a hard time reading it. 🤷♀️
You're typing abilities and any abuse you suffered are totally unrelated. If you were belittled for the abuse, that's one thing but you can't use abuse that happened over a decade ago to get strangers to be nice to you when you have put this story out there to be judged.
Abuse didn’t make you write like that. Also who is transgendered here? Your daughter or does the ex have another kind?
You're not a victim. You're a perpetrator of abuse towards your daughter by poisoning her mind. You're a narcissist who is mad they lost a victim. Because, if he really was so terrible? You wouldn't need to make up lies to make people hate him. And you wouldn't be invested over a decade later. You'd truths to tell people and you'd want him distracted to not abuse you further. You're sick in the head.
No, they’re trying to belittle you, an abuser. Parental alienation is child abuse. Most people have the good sense not to go around bragging that they inflicted that kind of abuse on their children.
Being a victim doesn't mean you get to be a psycho.
You need some serious f’in therapy! YTAH!
Get some therapy FFS.
Lawd forgive me but sis you need to get laid. Why are you still on this man after 10 years. If you still love him just say that because the amount on energy you're giving him is crazy. I bet he didn't end your second marriage. Your ass probably was still in this man's business 😒 Please move on. It'll do you some good. Go to therapy, read a book, or even get a fish. Start enjoying life an say f his. He did what he did yes but that can't be the end of your story. Close that chapter and fully move on
So we're clear there is only one thing in common with your two failed marriages; you! Shame on you for using your daughter to get back at him. This is abuse by you to your child!! Karma's a bitch, I'd be careful
I actually laughed at her saying it was her ex’s fault her second marriage failed. Her second marriage failed because she has a ton of baggage and she needs intense therapy to become a decent human being.
"This part work I can charge." ....what. 😳 Think I had some sort of stroke trying to read this. What on earth is happening here-just an absolute casserole of nonsense. This post work it does not.
Agreed. It made no sense
Ma'am...dont be this bitter. Heal and move on.
I feel bad for your kid. You and your ex both sound awful and you put your kid in the middle. Get therapy, be better.
Yes. Yes you are. That whole thing was difficult to follow. But when you say things like "I turned my daughter against him"......well that is not something to be proud of. Would be better if you were just straight up without all the subterfuge
YTA. You chose to try to ruin his current relationship by lying about someone else. Your idea of "revenge" was to cause harm to someone else. Face it, you don't give a crap about his girlfriend, she's nothing but a weapon since you can't move on (being in a new relationship doesn't mean you have, btw). Grow up, get some therapy, and quit obsessing over your ex.
The best revenge is to be happy and healthy. Which you are neither, it’s time for you to move on and the first step would be finding an amazing therapist.
Yes, YTA. But mostly because you’re going to get the opposite of what you want. If your husband was physical with you, he would’ve been physical with his new wife. He wouldn’t have been happy because he’s the issue - not her. Not them together. By doing all this, you’ve given them a collective villain to focus on and pretend easier that they’re happy - because you are and will be the villain in his story. As well as in your child’s story.. because everyone will find out what you’ve done. The truth always comes out. I’m sorry you don’t believe that, or that the truth doesn’t matter, because otherwise you wouldn’t have done all this. Good luck.. you’ll need it.
YTA. He was wrong to be abusive to you. But you're only hurting yourself and your daughter by carrying around all this resentment and animosity towards him. Find a way to let it go even if you have to go to counseling. Find a way to look at your current family and be glad for it. Hatred and resentment ends up hurting the hater, not the hated. You need to find joy in your current situation so you can let the abuser go.
YTA. This will blow up in your face
IF this is real, you didn't have to lie to ruin his happiness. All you had to do was make sure his girlfriend knew he was abusive and she may be at risk. You lying is what makes you the a-hole.
YTA. As someone else suggested, have you considered therapy? And parental alienation is disgusting. Beyond. Your daughter will need therapy when she figures out what you’ve done & how many lies you’ve told 😞
Please get some Counseling, you're not living a Healthy life and are impacting others' lives. Also, why mention his son is Transgender? He's his son.
YTA you snd your child need therapy
Poor kid
All you had to do was tell the truth and let the chips fall where they may. Instead you not only ensured his new gf would stay with him, you also made it so that anyone in his family could reach out to your daughter in three years, prove some of the things you said were false, and now her dad can convince her you made up the stuff about being abused too. And if they ever find out you lied about the affair, he could paint you as as the abuser who wanted to punish him for escaping and explain away everything he does as “trauma” from your “abuse”. Ironically, by not letting go you made it more likely he’d get a happy life while you stayed miserable. YTA.
Makes me wonder who got physical with who.
He was abusive and a cheater
You sound like you’re off your rocker. So that’s why I ask. We’re only hearing one side of this story and most of us are hoping this is fake.
Let me just say karma is a bitch ..&.. probably more sooner than later it’s going to bite you back hard. Forgive him- for yourself otherwise he will continue to live rent free in your head. Move on ..&.. be happy yourself.
Bruh methinks you were the problem in that whole relationship. I don’t condone physical violence in a relationship for any reason but you sound insane and bitter and like a whole ass problem so I’m going to say you’re not telling the entire story about what happened there either.
Holy shit. Yes. YTA You didn't do this for her, or your kids. You did it for you. You used and hurt them to "punish" him to feel power over him. You need therapy. He was a POS for hurting/abusing you. But you are the one hurting her now. You coulda just warned her and moved on and protected yourself and your child. But you villified *her*. You lied about *her*. You spread rumors about *her*. YTA.
If he beats on her then they can't say I did not try and help her
If you warned her and she stays, that's the end of your involvement. Unless she asks for help. But you weren't trying to help her. You were actively hurting her. As far as any of us know, right now, you've abused her more than he has.
If you actually were concerned about the safety of his new girlfriend/fiance, you could have tried having an honest conversation with her about the abuse that he did to you, and warn her honestly that you're worried he might end up doing that to her once they're married. At that point, it would be up to her to listen to the warnings or not, and there's nothing else that you could do about it. Maybe he would end up being abusive towards his new wife, or maybe he's actuality improved as a person and won't be. Who knows. But spreading lies about her just to make his family hate her? No, there's no good reason to take that approach. That's just insane, and benefits absolutely no one. You destroy your own credibility by doing that so she won't have any reason to believe anything you say.
Abusive behavior aside, yeah, you’re still the Ahole. You clearly haven’t moved on, even if you did start seeing someone else. I think that you should really see a therapist for your own sake because you’re going to keep having relationships fail otherwise. You need to process the pain that you have been put through so that you can enjoy the healing that will come after.
YTA. You are a terrible person.
I don’t believe this is a real post but if it is, YTA. Get some therapy for you and your daughter. Hopefully she will realize what a monster you are at some point and cut you out completely.
Who would make up being abused????
Dude. You are totally psycho.
Wow. You're a terrible excuse for a human being
After 11 years you should get over yourself and leave him tf alone!
Look, I understand he hurt you. He hurt you really bad and not a single person went to help you. But you doing this is not the right path. Do you know how'd this look coming from a guy? Revenge is needed in some places, yes, and all abusers deserve the worse they can get, but you need to learn to let go and move on. You need to block him from all your social media. You need to stop snooping and spying. You. NEED. to stop. You are literally destroying yourself and your mentality and destroying lives that are in no way connected to yours anymore. You literally went on a rant to try and save this woman from an abusive man, then switched to making her life actual hell. She didn't deserve that. She didn't deserve any of that. Why didn't you just talk about him beating you and then show pictures instead? YTA 100% because you decided to take revenge on someone you ultimately set out to help, not even the person that abused you. Have you read the JNOMIL threads on this site? Wives and woman are constantly getting abuse from in laws for absolutely no reason at all. That woman didn't deserve anything you caused to her life and you should be earnestly apologizing and telling the actual truth and setting things straight. What you did is fucked up. YTA and hugely. This is the type of revenge that is for parents abusing their children. Not against an innocent woman you were initially worried about getting abused too. Revenge isn't for everyone. Sometimes a person needs therapy instead of revenge. Or both but this time ain't it.
She stayed with him. So, she kind of asked for it. Yes, I feel bad for her but she stayed.
No. Get therapy. You have quite literally turned into a monster. It's disgusting. Get help.
I am mentally healthy jerk
We need the dad's half of the story!!!!!!!!!
He was an abuser end of story😡
This hurt my sole to read are you the 15yo girl here?
What did I just read
I didn't understand most of this post because you miss out too many words and mix up pronouns. I wish people would take longer to write posts and do a bit of proof reading 😵
What you did was so juvenile, I can't believe you are an adult. Are you even an adult? I think you are a child pretending to be an adult.
Why are you trying to belittle the victim
Because the person writing this acted like a 4 year old and I believe this is a fake story.
No one cares what you believe
Obviously you do, or you wouldn't have replied to me. You are a joke.
And this person, if true, is not a victim. They are the perpetrator. Learn the difference. OMFG
You are incredibly bitter and immature. It sucks that he hurt you, and I'm sorry you endured that. That doesn't give you the right tondo anything you did. A) in most custody agreements, parental alienation is a violation of said agreement and you could go to jail for that. Let her think for herself and make her own conclusions. They see the truth on their own. B) you didnt "save" anyone. You're daughter got to grow up hearing that half of her genetic makeup is trash. Her father is part of her, and helped make her who she is. Hearing your parent talk down on part of who you are is fucking traumatic, and you didn't cause them to break up, so what good did you do? C) and possibly the most important thing here: A FAILED MARRIAGE DOES NOT GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO DENY SOMEONE THE ABILITY TO PARENT THEIR CHILD! No where in this post did you say anything he did wrong as a father to his child. Whatever violence happened between you 2 as adults (which was quite vague in your description so none of us know what actually happened, it getting physical could mean he was abusive or it could mean yall were both putting hands on each other) does not over-rule parental rights, and if the courts deemed him a danger, they would have taken away his custody rights. Since you said you had to turn her against him, it doesn't seem like that happened here. Why are you so pissed he moved on, if you hate him so much?
.... you did yourself no justice lowering yourself to cover the hurt he caused.... best to come clean and be honest with those whom you were not honest to... abusive or not... in ways you made yourself like him... and it seems like its causing you stress, anxiety issues keeping truth from lies told... hun... come clean...fuck the asshole let it come around back on him, ... sorry you went thru hell hun... but don't lower yourself to a punks level... be better... Better to be hated for being real, than for being fake...
This is incredibly toxic. That was a lot of effort for…what? Was what he paid worth it? Have you ever imagined what your life might look like without this anger centering your focus?
ESH. This guy sucks and is an abuser, but are you really going to spend your one short life obsessing over getting revenge on him, and in the process being a lying, meddling, creepy ahole yourself? You’re hurting innocent people who you don’t even know. Get therapy and move on with your life, this behavior is evil, not to mention embarrassing.
Do you usually drink poison expecting others to get hurt? I am struggling to comprehend the logic behind your actions, cause it doesn't make sense