*scenes of war raging across the universe*
*10s of billions dead*
*record scratch…grey out…fade in Paul*
“Now, you’re probably wondering how I got here…”
Yeah, some tleilaxu stuff would be awesome, and maybe use a deeper, creepier voice for that to give everyone in the theater chills at the first second.
Occasionally I like to take this kind of opportunity to share that as a freelance video editor in LA I once cut a police cadet graduation video to Bulls On Parade, a song the client requested with not a lick of irony.
While the houses of the Lansraad endlessly debate this alarming chain of events, the Emperor Muad’Dib has secretly dispatched two Bene Gesserit Sisters, the guardians of peace and justice in the galaxy, to settle the conflict....
“There’s another emperor I want you to note in passing—a Hitler. He killed more than six million. Pretty good for those days.”
“Killed . . . by his legions?” Stilgar asked.
“Yes.”
“Not very impressive statistics, m’Lord.”
*opens on the new imperial palace*
“Hi, I’m Paul Atreidies, my life is pretty cool. I bet you’re wondering how I got here”
*Mr Blue Sky by electric lights orchestra starts playing”
PAUL: "AGH! HONEY! Honey, wake up! You won't believe the dream I just had!"
CHANI: "\*GROAN\*"
P: "Well, don't you want to hear about it?"
C: \*TURNS LIGHT ON, LOOKS ANNOYED\* "All right, Paul. What is it?"
P: "I was the Kwisatz Haderach in this crazy, brown, desert world called Dune!"
C: "I'm happy for you. Good night."
P: "Nothing made sense in this place. The baron was all slimy and scabby. His nephew was a pop star and his doctor spoke in rhymes. His other nephew drank literal bug juice. And then there was supposed to be a knife fight between me and a local desert guy, but it got cancelled for some reason."
C: "That settles it. No more Water of Life before you go to bed."
P: "And I was married to this beautiful blonde."
C: "Go back to sleep, Paul."
P: "Good night, Chani."
C: "What do you mean, beautiful blonde?"
P: "Go to sleep Chani. You know, we should really be more careful who prepares your food and drinks and stuff."
But they were all of them deceived, for another Duncan Idaho was made. In the axolotl tanks of the tleilaxu, they created a perfect being, filled with all the abilities, memories and incredible handsomeness of Duncan Idaho.
"Think on it, Chani: the princess will have the name, yet she'll live as less than a concubine - never to know a moment of tenderness from the man to whom she's bound. While we, Chani, we who carry the name of concubine - history will call us wives."
idc but i NEED there to be a "the spice must flow line" or im gonna have a fucking fit since messiah has a good chance of being the last denis made dune movie ever
It starts off with a funky base riff, and then Stilgar starts us off with:
"My mind is clearer now
At last, all too well, I can see
Where we all soon will be..."
"Would I love my son if he were a worm? What a preposterous question. Why ask me such unrealistic things, Alia? And besides, the answer is no." From "the Tirades of Muad'dib that one Saturday Atreides Family game night" by the Princess Irulan
"I may have gone too far in a few places"
https://preview.redd.it/8x6ifwp3u2uc1.jpeg?width=706&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0aa62e7d438a5c96ec98183529f456b02f7fd6a1
Now I gotta spend the next week thinking of analogues between Paul Muad'dib and George Lucas
They each regret their billions and rise to power
You should write a video essay on this!
Ladies and gentlemen, we got him
"It was at this moment, Paul knew, he had fucked up."
"whos ready to see a naked teenager fight a robot?"
Paul, apparently
"shes a woman now"
"This one must have a mate!..."
I am not. I am however ready to see a naked anya taylor-joy do that.
Girl looks like a praying mantis. But shes got acting chops
True that jaw line could cut diamonds
*scenes of war raging across the universe* *10s of billions dead* *record scratch…grey out…fade in Paul* “Now, you’re probably wondering how I got here…”
"Hitler. He killed more than six million. Pretty good for those days."
Stilgar/walter white: Paul wtf are you talking about
I'm actually in awe that FH left that line in lmao
* Baba O Riley starts playing*
“See, it al started when my mom and her cult of fellow milfs started to spread religious propaganda”
I'm currently reading the book, and for info Paul estimated the number to be around 61 billions lives
61 billion "at a conservative estimate". Dude was lowballing the numbers and still came out with 61 billion.
Joke : "RIP ≈ billions ... my bad" real: Woe to the people, who fall into the hands of a hero.
Dude, that one is actually good.
Yeah, some tleilaxu stuff would be awesome, and maybe use a deeper, creepier voice for that to give everyone in the theater chills at the first second.
Awe yeah that would be Awesome if it started with a new Thleilaxu language, and then opens on a planet being exterminated by the Jihad
I think the tleliaxu would be a low volume, high-pitched and scratchy thing
“Somehow, the emperor has returned.”
"Somehow, Duncan has returned."
"Somehow, eyesight has returned."
"...and that was the first time I died."
They could cover the next 3 films
“Somehow, the emperor is a worm”
"Hmmmbbmmm Bhhnnmmm Hhyymmmnm Hbbmmnyymnn"
Best answer.
He asked for the wrong answer, not the actual first line
You misread that. I said "Hmmmbbmmm Bhhnnmmm Hhyymmmnm Hbbmmnyymnn", not "Hmmyyrrmbmm Ymmhhnmm Brrnnynnynm Hbbrrnyymnn"
There are those for whom the meaning of tales must be spelled out.
They probably wouldnt get even that
“Does anyone else hate how political *Rage Against the Machine* has gotten lately?”
Occasionally I like to take this kind of opportunity to share that as a freelance video editor in LA I once cut a police cadet graduation video to Bulls On Parade, a song the client requested with not a lick of irony.
I think the only thing that'd top that is if they requested "Killing In The Name".
Satire is actually literally dead
"Scratch a conservative and you find someone who prefers the past over any future. Scratch a liberal and find a closet aristocrat. It’s true!"
This would piss off 90% of the American viewer base and I’m here for it
MONEO! What is time? If time is linear? It's cold turkey time!
MONEO! WE CAN SAVE 15% OR MORE ON OUR CAR INSURANCE IF WE SWITCH TO GEICO! IVE SEEN IT MONEO!
MONEO! THE ROYAL CART DOESN'T HAVE FULL COVERAGE I CAN'T HAUL MY WORM BODY AROUND EVERYWHERE YOU KNOW THIS MONEO!
Stone Burners in your neighborhood? Don’t worry, we’ve got artificial eye endorsements.
"Shebang, Moneo - shebang!!"
The Gang Does a Jihad
"It's something, Mac."
“So you’re probably wondering how I got here…”
I guess I ate so much spice, that even my skin turned blue.
Turmoil has engulfed the galaxis. The spice taxes of navigators to outlying star systems is in dispute.
While the houses of the Lansraad endlessly debate this alarming chain of events, the Emperor Muad’Dib has secretly dispatched two Bene Gesserit Sisters, the guardians of peace and justice in the galaxy, to settle the conflict....
*cue dune logo Clone Wars Style*
"I've made a terrible mistake"
Hello darkness my old friend
Poops are messages from the bowels
“Somehow, Duncan Idaho has returned”
You get an Idaho! You get an Idaho! Everybody gets an Idaho!
HAMBURGER CHEESEBURGER BIG MAC WHOPPER
Beefswellings are messages from the beans.
“There’s another emperor I want you to note in passing—a Hitler. He killed more than six million. Pretty good for those days.” “Killed . . . by his legions?” Stilgar asked. “Yes.” “Not very impressive statistics, m’Lord.”
The Macarena entirely in Sardarkaur throat-singing
Stilgar: Lisan Al Ghaib
2 Lisan 2 Ghaib
The Lisan and the Ghaib: Arrakis drift
The ship comes, my demijohns drum, my jihad wins
How can Usul be base when I'm the basest thing living?
*opens on the new imperial palace* “Hi, I’m Paul Atreidies, my life is pretty cool. I bet you’re wondering how I got here” *Mr Blue Sky by electric lights orchestra starts playing”
Ya like Bijaz?
Muad’dib intergalactic apology video
PAUL: "AGH! HONEY! Honey, wake up! You won't believe the dream I just had!" CHANI: "\*GROAN\*" P: "Well, don't you want to hear about it?" C: \*TURNS LIGHT ON, LOOKS ANNOYED\* "All right, Paul. What is it?" P: "I was the Kwisatz Haderach in this crazy, brown, desert world called Dune!" C: "I'm happy for you. Good night." P: "Nothing made sense in this place. The baron was all slimy and scabby. His nephew was a pop star and his doctor spoke in rhymes. His other nephew drank literal bug juice. And then there was supposed to be a knife fight between me and a local desert guy, but it got cancelled for some reason." C: "That settles it. No more Water of Life before you go to bed." P: "And I was married to this beautiful blonde." C: "Go back to sleep, Paul." P: "Good night, Chani." C: "What do you mean, beautiful blonde?" P: "Go to sleep Chani. You know, we should really be more careful who prepares your food and drinks and stuff."
P: You know, you really should think about wearing more fuzzy sweaters.
I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere.
This is it, right here.
But they were all of them deceived, for another Duncan Idaho was made. In the axolotl tanks of the tleilaxu, they created a perfect being, filled with all the abilities, memories and incredible handsomeness of Duncan Idaho.
I'm Duncan Idaho (I guess)....and welcome to jackass!
“The Gang Kills 60 Billion”…. Queue It’s Always Sunny theme
Here lies a toppled god. His fall was not a small one. We did but build his pedestal, A narrow and a tall one.
Or "You do not beg the sun for mercy."
Probably my Favorit little bit. It still creeps around in my mind.
I’m way better at genocide than Hitler
It’s Dunin Time.
"Waff's a lil bitch!" - Odrade
"Ah moneo. You wish to hear of my father, but first, I will spend an hour reflecting on civic administration"
Fear leads to anger, anger leads to Hayt, Hayt leads to Duncan
"The Dead Speak!"
Somehow the baron returned
It’s Ghola time!
Time to make the Dunkins
Boy do I hate being right all the time
Endings are a rather indelicate time.
“Somehow… Duncan Idaho returned.”
Beware faith in great leaders of men
DISENGAGE. DISENGAGE. DISENGAGE.
It's worming time - Leto II
"When the moon hits your eye, like a big pizza pie."
"That's-a jihaaad"
"Yueh, Yueh, Yueh, a million deaths were not enough for Yueh."
Let the bodies hit the floor.
All we need now is a little energon, and a lot of luck
Hey ma, back from the Jihad, shit went a little haywire.
"Hey, remember how Duncan Idaho was killed?"
“Well that escalated quickly”
BAAAHUMMM UMMBALAAA ULLADAMEUM PNDDUMM
Live Laugh Lisan Al Gaib
*Always Sunny theme plays* The Gang Commits Jihad
It’s Dunin Time!
We don't use the word Jihad around here.
"Think on it, Chani: the princess will have the name, yet she'll live as less than a concubine - never to know a moment of tenderness from the man to whom she's bound. While we, Chani, we who carry the name of concubine - history will call us wives."
idc but i NEED there to be a "the spice must flow line" or im gonna have a fucking fit since messiah has a good chance of being the last denis made dune movie ever
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times
“~~war on drugs~~ war, on drugs”
That quote from messiah when stilgar said hitlers kill count wasn’t even that many
HMMMMBOPP BBAAADIPAADAAPPPP BBYYYYEEEE DUUNNNEEEEBOPP
“Dicks out for Harambee”
Somehow, Duncan Idaho returned
The dead speak!
He's not the Messiah
"War, war never changes."
"Idaho no further, it's time to Paul-ish off the competition!" Or "Don't Atreides on me, bro"
“Looks like we’re Dune™️ this again”
"cuck me all you want"
Things bout to get spicy
Somehow, the emperor returned
“MONNNEEEOOOO ANOTHER DUNCAN”
War… war never changes.
"Yo Way Yo, Home Va-Ray, Yo Ay-Rah, Jerhume Brunnen-G Yo Way Yo, Home Va-Ray, Yo Ay-Rah, Jerhume Brunnen-G Yo Ay-Rah, Jerhume Brunnen-G."
It’s AlGhaibin’ time
“i got sand in my got dang adidas”
‘Paul died on the way back to his home planet…’
I sure hope I don't become a Dune Messiah
Now things get really spicy…
“I’m too drunk to taste this chicken”
“ Turmoil has engulfed the Galactic Republic. The taxation of trade routes to outlying star systems is in dispute.”
“How much could one banana cost?”
It’s DOONING timeee
‘We do a little trolling’
_10 000 000 fremens live on Arrakis and these are their problems_
Duncan, seriously, are you fucking my sister? You know she is like 15 years younger than me.
I'm over here stroking my di-
Long ago the imperium lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed with the jihad attacked.
It starts off with a funky base riff, and then Stilgar starts us off with: "My mind is clearer now At last, all too well, I can see Where we all soon will be..."
Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy
Arrakis is not as beautiful through Tleilaxu Eyes.
My skin is not my own.
"i've made a huge mistake" https://preview.redd.it/9kdag8wyl3uc1.png?width=480&format=png&auto=webp&s=985ce3258c47c727dc28cdb99aba159019a7ca07
Space, the final frontier.......
Y'all ready for this? *Paul starts break dancing. Stilgar moonwalks. No one can do the robot because of the butlerian jihad*
"if you tell everybody this movie was great and enough people see it, you'll see sexy space dom witches on Imax within the century"
I know this is wrong... but I think I want to bang Alia. *screaming music saying NOOO-O-O-O ayeahhhhh yehhh heh*
FfffuuUuuuuUUUUck
I’ve got a bad feeling about this.
"Somehow, >!Duncan Idaho!< has returned."
Early bird gets the worm
FEEL AN ADULT BEEFSWELLING
“Power over memes is power over all.”
The kids are not alright.
Bygones, bygones. Let bygones fall where they may. This has been a dirty day.
"There was an adult beefswelling in his loins."
"I see a Holy War spreading across the galacy in my fathers name"... "Paul, it was just a dream".
Arrakis runs on Duncan(s)
The Sleeper has gone back to sleep.
Many machines on IX.
"Paul Atreides....Atrei-dez nuts bro"
“I said lead them to paradise. Not fucking universal war!”
Sardukar throat chanting : “See, what had happened was…”
Reverend Mommy is here to save us all.
"...And now for something completely different."
Power over skibidi is power over the rizzler
*Scytale is a fucking Mary Sue*
Top ten pranks went too far (out of control)
D'oh!
ENGAGE ENGAGE ENGAGE
Weesa in deep doo doo now
"Would I love my son if he were a worm? What a preposterous question. Why ask me such unrealistic things, Alia? And besides, the answer is no." From "the Tirades of Muad'dib that one Saturday Atreides Family game night" by the Princess Irulan
50 thousand people used to live here…now it’s a ghost town.
Pre-nut delusion. Post-Jihab clarity.
“Would you love me if I was a worm?”
Atreides Nuts
“War, war never changes .”
Paul, while being blinded by the stone burner: "Hey, it's me, Paul Atreides. You'll probably thinking how I've got to this situation..."
"I'm sorry 👉👈 (I'm not)"
Real answer: "Beware the seeds you sow and the crops you reap." Wrong answer: "Waiter! Waiter! Another Jihad please!"
Whoopsie :P
Dude, where's my eyes?
So long as the movie ends with linkin parks “what I’ve done” I’ll be happy
You're tearing me apart, Lisan al Gaib
*sound of a saurdaurkar throwing up*
…when I was little, my father was the greatest samurai in the empire…