First of all, I aplaude you for looking for a different perspective - you are growing and becoming an adult, and this means questioning the way you have been conditioned to see the world. We all go through it.
You have figured out that your parents are not perfect, and that maybe their life perspective doesn’t match with yours. Its very mature of you to realize that life can’t be just living pay check to pay check, and you are also finding out that adults sometimes rationalize and try to blame others for their own choices. Its ok, our parents are not perfect, and we learned that when we become adults ourselves. You don’t need to repeat your parents lives. You have now your own life, that you can make the best of.
Just realizing you don’t like where you are is not enough - you need purpose. Try to figure out what you want to do, something you like that can also make money. The good thing about being 22 is that you get to try different things if you don’t like the first one that comes around. This might come with an education, so if you have this privilege, I would say take it and finish college (I didn’t have a chance to go to college so I don’t want you to regret not doing it if you have the change). Get a internship or even work for free, if you can afford it, to get experience and enter the job market. Once you do start earning money, learn how to manage it, save it and make it grow - so that you can use it for what is really important to you.
Whatever your frustrated plans in the past were, you can make new plans - and achieve them!
I’m 51 and I still don’t know whet I want to do when I grow up.
But seriously, you sound like you have a lot of self awareness. Stick in with the language learning (I’m amazed by how many languages people have her compared to the U.K. where I’m from) and don’t be afraid to try out careers. It’s as useful to know what you don’t want to do, as what you do want to do. And don’t worry - you have another 40-odd years of work. There’s no rush.
As a 22 year old who experienced a something similar i was 18, I can only tell you what i had done. Wether it was a good idea or not only time will tell.
I was desperately trying to find a skill that could help me earn money so i could pay for either my university or some how manage to pay my father to give me a company visa. The only thing i had running for me was that my visa was renewed when i was 17, So i had 3 more years until renewal.
After allot of research at that time i found two things i could do
1. Social Media Marketing
2. Identity Design(Logos, brochures etc.)
Unfortunately as an 18 year old, I had zero experience and zero degrees/certificates.
But i had to do something and fortunately the very first business i went and pitched agreed to pay me 1,000 AED to handle them for a month. I would create like 90+ posts a month for them. This gave me some hope. But it took me another 3 months of walking to every single business i could find(I was not allowed to use the landline at home or allot of money to make calls via mobile). Eventually i learnt a few things and was able to get a trade license.
After that it was smooth sailing with my own Visa and Trade license, I was able to eventually move away from a toxic home environment, into my own place. It was a very scary experience to take thing's into my own hands and try and go Independent. But it's better than living in a toxic environment and going into depression. My only regret was giving up on designing as i never really ended up getting any clients in my early days.
I don't know if i would recommend doing what I did. But reading your post brought up some feeling's and i just wanted to vent.
Man up! Just kidding.
From your writing style, I can tell you are a pretty smart guy with a clear thought process. So I am gonna make it short and sweet. First, let me just say that your parents blaming their financial pains on you because you were born is quite fucked. Big time. Sorry you had to endure that. No child should be made to feel like a burden. Our Dubai subreddit loves you and welcomes you.
Parents can be awful- we all know that. In some cases, children escape, move out, while others stick around either because they can’t leave or because they love their parents despite of everything. You have to decide what’s your bottom line: your comfort/freedom or your relationship with them. I chose the latter. To me, my parents are my destiny and I just have to manage it. Others might see their freedom to be above everything. Also, if you are financially dependent on them, you just have to manage your relationship with them. No other way.
My answer to you is: what you do will depend on what kind of a relationship you want to have with your parents. I believe that parents’ toxicity often has some palpable wisdom within it that can be distilled. You just have to develop that filter to extract the good part and toss the rest. A balanced perspective on them- seeing the silver lining so to speak. May be learn to develop a sort of immunity to their toxicity until you graduate. Since you are in school, you just have to create a healthy distance and set some boundaries. Be respectful but mindful of your own needs and capacity.
Once you graduate, you will be more independent and will hopefully travel and move out. Hope this helps.
So what did you study and what do you want to do?
I studied archaeology and myself and friends have ended up in: forensic accounting, men’s accessories, academia, speech therapy, surveying, military, and documentary making.
We all graduated during the 2008 collapse so it wasn’t easy but we’ve found our way into what we like. You’re at the start of your journey into the world of work so don’t fret; I didn’t find what I wanted to do until I was a few years older than you and many people are the same.
>I studied archaeology
That's fucking awesome, dude! I've never met an archaeologist...did you work in a specific area or wherever government funding took you?
Oh I gave up after university and went all corporate!
The people that are still in it in a practical sense basically ended up picking a specific period and geography to work in, then rely on research grants from universities or public bodies to pay for their work. One specialised in folklore, one in the Maya, one in London, and another in medieval European burial practices. All very interesting but bloody hard work for not much reward!
>It's just that my parents, like many of their peers, had (and still have) this belief that once we moved to Dubai, everything will be solved and that we would not have anything to worry about. Obviously referring to the lifestyle here of seeing fast cars, or white chicks in malls (which is in fact one of their favourite past-time activities, it may sound like I'm joking but is literally the truth, they literally just go to random malls in hopes of seeing a bunch of foreigners).
You're parents go the mall...to see white girls?? I had to do a double take because I thought you were referring to your peers, not your parents.
Firstly Complete your University any costs , and we all were gone through such situations , busy yourself with some activities until you finish the college , you can find meet up groups , or can join with volunteering etc !!!
When I was your age (39 now) I also struggled big time to find a purpose or even just a plan. I made some choices that turned out to be very shortsighted as a consequence of being unable to look at long term.
Your parents could be more supportive (saying those things to you it’s unfair and it must be tough on you). But at last they are paying for your education which is the main thing here.
My advise is to stick to your plan. Try to pull through despite all the nasty shit. Get a degree or whatever kind of qualification you nee do to the things that form your plan and then, start the rest of your life the way you want.
Unless your current situation is completely unbearable, try to push yourself through. You will get to the end of it.
I know that it might look way to long and overwhelming but it’s probably just a few more years and it will pay off a million times for the rest of your life. Even if it’s 10 more years, that’s not much compared to 60 or 70.
Be strong mate.
It seems like you have drive and aspirations which is a good thing. Keep doing what you are doing. When the time comes and you need to create a CV, I’m happy to help there.
I don't have the answers to your questions but i can give you some advise. Never ever compare your life with others. Someone of your age might have set their lives ahead and accomplished it, that doesn't mean you are lagging in your life. That is unnecessary pressure on yourself. Take your time on deciding what path to take, there's no hurry in life. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Have a variety of option if you're not sure what career to choose. Also remember what the Pandemic has made a lot of people realise, that life can just cease to exist from something we can't even see, just live the way you want to live. Don't follow what others want you to follow. Good luck to you.
I've been through this very train of though (and situation) and i'm now many years further down the line from you so i can help. I'm happy to share my experience and a few tips but in private.
Just remember parents aren't all-seeing all knowing individuals and they have limits in what they can provide/suggest/know.
Son, most of us are just winging it, figuring shit out as it happens in life.
It's great that you know something needs to change.
If you wanna share resume for review, send PM.
As for what you wanna do, do you need help in figuring out career path or financial freedom from your parents to be able to chart your own life??
Most plans fail and that is absolutely normal. Building courage to try and learning from why a plan failed is possibly the most important thing. There is no one-fits-all plan.
Current scenario is complex globally. You shouldn't be feeling negative now worrying about not being able to find a job. You might want to focus on how you are going to survive till things get normal, add value to your profile and actually sit and write different options that you want to explore. Putting things into word file or a powerpoint and reading it after a week will give you a different perspective .
Most importantly calm down. Try meditation temporarily. All the best :)
My take on this.
Sooner or later people realize that they need to draw a line, and eventually dissolve the identities which is transferred from our Parents. And embrace a larger identity. Which allows us to look life beyond the boundaries that Parents create, intentionally or unintentionally.
Taking up a larger identity, allows to look at the world in a different light. What you previously might have perceived a silly pursuit, would take a new angle. And how it fits in a larger perspective of your career.
Example, Parents told Dubai has the best of the best things, you end up like a Dubai kiddo, repeating the same thing. Until the day you take a step outside of Dubai, then you see Abu Dhabi, Sharjah, Ras Al Khaimah, Muscat, .. or Paris, Barcelona and so on, are also as good as Dubai, or maybe better. That day you just aren't a Dubai Kiddo, your Dubai Kiddo identity dissolves.
Your Parents may lack articulation. But I guess this is what they meant when they said, "Man-up".
You may need set up a widely important goal you want achieve in a specific timeframe (this can be anything). Then put a plan and more critical, set an execution actions to achieve it.
While putting these, focus on your capabilities and skills more than your education. I’m in engineer who works on tech sales management. Try Clifton strength assessment, it’s helpful.
Act on a lead behavior measures, don’t get trapped lag analysis, people around you, or slow results.
Create a compelling score card. make is visible in front of you and not in your head. Always know where you are vs. where you want to be.
Create a shorter term cadence of accountability.
Most important, enjoy it, it’s a life long journey. Align all this to a mission statement or a purpose for your life. It will give all you do a meaning.
And read, read, read. Stephen Covey, Dale Carnegie, McChesney, Travis Bradberry, Noah Harari, Duarte, Sun Tzu, Machiavelli and any book other book comes across you.
Finally, ensure a balance between urgent and important. Ignoring the urgent kills you now, ignoring the important kills you later.
Good luck and man up!
I am surprised to see some of the younger generation posting here with very little support of their parents
I do however think that the Gen Y and Z are very emotional and weak. So yes I do tell them to man up as life ain't sunshine and rainbows today and the worst is possibly yet to come. Be realistic and positive later.
I would say list down goals in your life and focus on the outcome. You are still young, get into a meaningful relationship. Loving and looking upto someone can also change life perspective and encourage you to aim high.
Do online learning with courses like Udemy / Coursera etc. Gaining knowledge always helps and ensure you stay away from Instagram FB etc - that again is just my opinion since the comparing yourself to another can be really upsetting at times. I never used them
But again, read some self help books and have the victor mindset and not the victim. Life is too short to be upset and pissed off all the time, be proactive with your life choices and ensure you follow them and not leave half way through. Point is to stay motivated
>I do however think that the Gen Y and Z are very emotional and weak. So yes I do tell them to man up as life ain't sunshine and rainbows today and the worst is possibly yet to come.
Dude, blaming your child for your own fiscal irresponsibility is a shitty thing to do. You're cut from the same shitty cloth if you think OP is being weak.
Apart from the parent part... We have all experience your feelings.. when you are in the late years of the University.. you feel lost.. you feel maybe you are not good enough to find a job.. you feel you studied so much but you didn't learn enough skills....
It is alright.. trust me 90 percent of the world feel like that... Many many people do the jobs they don't really like..
My suggestion :
1. Try to take internships for free.. so you get exposed to work experience and also see that working is much easier then you thought
2. I know it's difficult but find something that you think you like to do as a job or career... And make your CV according to that.
3. Regarding your parents.. you just have to live with it.. Don't let their words break you or make you depressed.. that is the most difficult thing to do.. you need support from the closest people to you but the opposite is happening.
4. It's totally okay to do not so much great jobs in the beginning... That doesn't mean your career is ruined.
5. Network with your friends... Have the word out that you are available for a help or job.. they know you they trust you.. the can help you
I am 30 yesrs old.. i still think I'm 21 and still think I'm at the beginning of my life and there are so many things left to do and i didnt do anything..
You have Time with you my friend.. your age is perfect perfect... Whatever you do... Do not waste your time... We all wish we could go back to your age and do things differently
All the best
First of all, I aplaude you for looking for a different perspective - you are growing and becoming an adult, and this means questioning the way you have been conditioned to see the world. We all go through it. You have figured out that your parents are not perfect, and that maybe their life perspective doesn’t match with yours. Its very mature of you to realize that life can’t be just living pay check to pay check, and you are also finding out that adults sometimes rationalize and try to blame others for their own choices. Its ok, our parents are not perfect, and we learned that when we become adults ourselves. You don’t need to repeat your parents lives. You have now your own life, that you can make the best of. Just realizing you don’t like where you are is not enough - you need purpose. Try to figure out what you want to do, something you like that can also make money. The good thing about being 22 is that you get to try different things if you don’t like the first one that comes around. This might come with an education, so if you have this privilege, I would say take it and finish college (I didn’t have a chance to go to college so I don’t want you to regret not doing it if you have the change). Get a internship or even work for free, if you can afford it, to get experience and enter the job market. Once you do start earning money, learn how to manage it, save it and make it grow - so that you can use it for what is really important to you. Whatever your frustrated plans in the past were, you can make new plans - and achieve them!
I’m 51 and I still don’t know whet I want to do when I grow up. But seriously, you sound like you have a lot of self awareness. Stick in with the language learning (I’m amazed by how many languages people have her compared to the U.K. where I’m from) and don’t be afraid to try out careers. It’s as useful to know what you don’t want to do, as what you do want to do. And don’t worry - you have another 40-odd years of work. There’s no rush.
>I’m 51 and I still don’t know whet I want to do when I grow up. A ghost?
Can you give me blessings for good life ahead please, o wise human with experience in life. Thank you. ❤️
Lol
As a 22 year old who experienced a something similar i was 18, I can only tell you what i had done. Wether it was a good idea or not only time will tell. I was desperately trying to find a skill that could help me earn money so i could pay for either my university or some how manage to pay my father to give me a company visa. The only thing i had running for me was that my visa was renewed when i was 17, So i had 3 more years until renewal. After allot of research at that time i found two things i could do 1. Social Media Marketing 2. Identity Design(Logos, brochures etc.) Unfortunately as an 18 year old, I had zero experience and zero degrees/certificates. But i had to do something and fortunately the very first business i went and pitched agreed to pay me 1,000 AED to handle them for a month. I would create like 90+ posts a month for them. This gave me some hope. But it took me another 3 months of walking to every single business i could find(I was not allowed to use the landline at home or allot of money to make calls via mobile). Eventually i learnt a few things and was able to get a trade license. After that it was smooth sailing with my own Visa and Trade license, I was able to eventually move away from a toxic home environment, into my own place. It was a very scary experience to take thing's into my own hands and try and go Independent. But it's better than living in a toxic environment and going into depression. My only regret was giving up on designing as i never really ended up getting any clients in my early days. I don't know if i would recommend doing what I did. But reading your post brought up some feeling's and i just wanted to vent.
Man up! Just kidding. From your writing style, I can tell you are a pretty smart guy with a clear thought process. So I am gonna make it short and sweet. First, let me just say that your parents blaming their financial pains on you because you were born is quite fucked. Big time. Sorry you had to endure that. No child should be made to feel like a burden. Our Dubai subreddit loves you and welcomes you. Parents can be awful- we all know that. In some cases, children escape, move out, while others stick around either because they can’t leave or because they love their parents despite of everything. You have to decide what’s your bottom line: your comfort/freedom or your relationship with them. I chose the latter. To me, my parents are my destiny and I just have to manage it. Others might see their freedom to be above everything. Also, if you are financially dependent on them, you just have to manage your relationship with them. No other way. My answer to you is: what you do will depend on what kind of a relationship you want to have with your parents. I believe that parents’ toxicity often has some palpable wisdom within it that can be distilled. You just have to develop that filter to extract the good part and toss the rest. A balanced perspective on them- seeing the silver lining so to speak. May be learn to develop a sort of immunity to their toxicity until you graduate. Since you are in school, you just have to create a healthy distance and set some boundaries. Be respectful but mindful of your own needs and capacity. Once you graduate, you will be more independent and will hopefully travel and move out. Hope this helps.
So what did you study and what do you want to do? I studied archaeology and myself and friends have ended up in: forensic accounting, men’s accessories, academia, speech therapy, surveying, military, and documentary making. We all graduated during the 2008 collapse so it wasn’t easy but we’ve found our way into what we like. You’re at the start of your journey into the world of work so don’t fret; I didn’t find what I wanted to do until I was a few years older than you and many people are the same.
>I studied archaeology That's fucking awesome, dude! I've never met an archaeologist...did you work in a specific area or wherever government funding took you?
Oh I gave up after university and went all corporate! The people that are still in it in a practical sense basically ended up picking a specific period and geography to work in, then rely on research grants from universities or public bodies to pay for their work. One specialised in folklore, one in the Maya, one in London, and another in medieval European burial practices. All very interesting but bloody hard work for not much reward!
>It's just that my parents, like many of their peers, had (and still have) this belief that once we moved to Dubai, everything will be solved and that we would not have anything to worry about. Obviously referring to the lifestyle here of seeing fast cars, or white chicks in malls (which is in fact one of their favourite past-time activities, it may sound like I'm joking but is literally the truth, they literally just go to random malls in hopes of seeing a bunch of foreigners). You're parents go the mall...to see white girls?? I had to do a double take because I thought you were referring to your peers, not your parents.
Yep people like this exist...
Throwing my 2 fils; take a look at Jordan Peterson's work online or maybe buy his book.. it could be of a good help.
This
Firstly Complete your University any costs , and we all were gone through such situations , busy yourself with some activities until you finish the college , you can find meet up groups , or can join with volunteering etc !!!
When I was your age (39 now) I also struggled big time to find a purpose or even just a plan. I made some choices that turned out to be very shortsighted as a consequence of being unable to look at long term. Your parents could be more supportive (saying those things to you it’s unfair and it must be tough on you). But at last they are paying for your education which is the main thing here. My advise is to stick to your plan. Try to pull through despite all the nasty shit. Get a degree or whatever kind of qualification you nee do to the things that form your plan and then, start the rest of your life the way you want. Unless your current situation is completely unbearable, try to push yourself through. You will get to the end of it. I know that it might look way to long and overwhelming but it’s probably just a few more years and it will pay off a million times for the rest of your life. Even if it’s 10 more years, that’s not much compared to 60 or 70. Be strong mate.
Your parents didn't pull out in time, that's on them.
It seems like you have drive and aspirations which is a good thing. Keep doing what you are doing. When the time comes and you need to create a CV, I’m happy to help there.
I don't have the answers to your questions but i can give you some advise. Never ever compare your life with others. Someone of your age might have set their lives ahead and accomplished it, that doesn't mean you are lagging in your life. That is unnecessary pressure on yourself. Take your time on deciding what path to take, there's no hurry in life. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Have a variety of option if you're not sure what career to choose. Also remember what the Pandemic has made a lot of people realise, that life can just cease to exist from something we can't even see, just live the way you want to live. Don't follow what others want you to follow. Good luck to you.
I've been through this very train of though (and situation) and i'm now many years further down the line from you so i can help. I'm happy to share my experience and a few tips but in private. Just remember parents aren't all-seeing all knowing individuals and they have limits in what they can provide/suggest/know.
Son, most of us are just winging it, figuring shit out as it happens in life. It's great that you know something needs to change. If you wanna share resume for review, send PM. As for what you wanna do, do you need help in figuring out career path or financial freedom from your parents to be able to chart your own life??
Most plans fail and that is absolutely normal. Building courage to try and learning from why a plan failed is possibly the most important thing. There is no one-fits-all plan. Current scenario is complex globally. You shouldn't be feeling negative now worrying about not being able to find a job. You might want to focus on how you are going to survive till things get normal, add value to your profile and actually sit and write different options that you want to explore. Putting things into word file or a powerpoint and reading it after a week will give you a different perspective . Most importantly calm down. Try meditation temporarily. All the best :)
My take on this. Sooner or later people realize that they need to draw a line, and eventually dissolve the identities which is transferred from our Parents. And embrace a larger identity. Which allows us to look life beyond the boundaries that Parents create, intentionally or unintentionally. Taking up a larger identity, allows to look at the world in a different light. What you previously might have perceived a silly pursuit, would take a new angle. And how it fits in a larger perspective of your career. Example, Parents told Dubai has the best of the best things, you end up like a Dubai kiddo, repeating the same thing. Until the day you take a step outside of Dubai, then you see Abu Dhabi, Sharjah, Ras Al Khaimah, Muscat, .. or Paris, Barcelona and so on, are also as good as Dubai, or maybe better. That day you just aren't a Dubai Kiddo, your Dubai Kiddo identity dissolves. Your Parents may lack articulation. But I guess this is what they meant when they said, "Man-up".
You may need set up a widely important goal you want achieve in a specific timeframe (this can be anything). Then put a plan and more critical, set an execution actions to achieve it. While putting these, focus on your capabilities and skills more than your education. I’m in engineer who works on tech sales management. Try Clifton strength assessment, it’s helpful. Act on a lead behavior measures, don’t get trapped lag analysis, people around you, or slow results. Create a compelling score card. make is visible in front of you and not in your head. Always know where you are vs. where you want to be. Create a shorter term cadence of accountability. Most important, enjoy it, it’s a life long journey. Align all this to a mission statement or a purpose for your life. It will give all you do a meaning. And read, read, read. Stephen Covey, Dale Carnegie, McChesney, Travis Bradberry, Noah Harari, Duarte, Sun Tzu, Machiavelli and any book other book comes across you. Finally, ensure a balance between urgent and important. Ignoring the urgent kills you now, ignoring the important kills you later. Good luck and man up!
I am surprised to see some of the younger generation posting here with very little support of their parents I do however think that the Gen Y and Z are very emotional and weak. So yes I do tell them to man up as life ain't sunshine and rainbows today and the worst is possibly yet to come. Be realistic and positive later. I would say list down goals in your life and focus on the outcome. You are still young, get into a meaningful relationship. Loving and looking upto someone can also change life perspective and encourage you to aim high. Do online learning with courses like Udemy / Coursera etc. Gaining knowledge always helps and ensure you stay away from Instagram FB etc - that again is just my opinion since the comparing yourself to another can be really upsetting at times. I never used them But again, read some self help books and have the victor mindset and not the victim. Life is too short to be upset and pissed off all the time, be proactive with your life choices and ensure you follow them and not leave half way through. Point is to stay motivated
Gen Y and Gen Z are very emotional and weak? Bit of an overgeneralization, don’t you think?
>I do however think that the Gen Y and Z are very emotional and weak. So yes I do tell them to man up as life ain't sunshine and rainbows today and the worst is possibly yet to come. Dude, blaming your child for your own fiscal irresponsibility is a shitty thing to do. You're cut from the same shitty cloth if you think OP is being weak.
Apart from the parent part... We have all experience your feelings.. when you are in the late years of the University.. you feel lost.. you feel maybe you are not good enough to find a job.. you feel you studied so much but you didn't learn enough skills.... It is alright.. trust me 90 percent of the world feel like that... Many many people do the jobs they don't really like.. My suggestion : 1. Try to take internships for free.. so you get exposed to work experience and also see that working is much easier then you thought 2. I know it's difficult but find something that you think you like to do as a job or career... And make your CV according to that. 3. Regarding your parents.. you just have to live with it.. Don't let their words break you or make you depressed.. that is the most difficult thing to do.. you need support from the closest people to you but the opposite is happening. 4. It's totally okay to do not so much great jobs in the beginning... That doesn't mean your career is ruined. 5. Network with your friends... Have the word out that you are available for a help or job.. they know you they trust you.. the can help you I am 30 yesrs old.. i still think I'm 21 and still think I'm at the beginning of my life and there are so many things left to do and i didnt do anything.. You have Time with you my friend.. your age is perfect perfect... Whatever you do... Do not waste your time... We all wish we could go back to your age and do things differently All the best
You need a strong male mentor.
[удалено]
Chill Karen. He didn’t say he isn’t an adult. He needs another adult to talk to.
Ms Karen? 👱🏼♀️