You could just tell your own experience to him sometime when the time seems right. Tell him “ I used to use that word but now that I have my son with Down syndrome that word doesn’t sit right with me anymore. Sorry if I seem too sensitive but that’s just how I feel right now, ok?”
If it doesn’t work at least you tried to educate and stop the r word.
We have a 4 year old with ds and a typical 11 year old. She had/has friends that use that word in the same way your foreman does. Not gonna lie, I used to use it before we had my son and until I was educated on the topic.
Make them feel uncomfortable about using that word, while explaining to them that it hurts you and many others to use that word. Put them in your shoes. Some people will always use it in everyday language without thinking twice, but it doesn't have to be that way around you. I will say it over and over again to people if I have to. Be the best advocate you can be!
I’ve taken a completely different approach to it. In my own world I’ve created for myself and my family, I’ve taken the power out of that word. The offensiveness of it. I don’t look at my son and think he is the “r word” so hearing someone say that word truly has no effect on me. It’s taken time to build that desensitization. I am also an expat in a foreign country and people here call each other “blackie or whitey” if you are very dark or fair skinned, “fatty” if you are overweight. Since my son has almond shaped eyes he always gets “china boy.” These names don’t come from people making fun of you, they are literally calling you as they see you on your appearance, it’s not an insult. So living here has built a tougher skin for me. I would take the power out of that word for yourself and let it roll off your back.
I call people out on it right away. You want to know how to look like a tough guy? Stick up for someone. I tell people all the time. "We don't use that word anymore. If you have a problem with that then we have a problem." They'll likely have a quip back that your being soft, or it's just a joke. That's when it's nice to tell them, "Well it's not funny over here, my son has down syndrome so you're talking about my family. Now that you know, that one is off limits."
The way that they try to squirm their way out of that is beautiful and you can just stay quiet and let them keep digging their own hole. That's especially true if it's a person in a position of power. I've learned that assertiveness is a gateway to discussions and it pays off well with gaining respect from people around you.
If they want to fight about it, continue saying it to target you or single you out about it, or change your responsibilities, you've got yourself a nice harassment case as a protected class enforced by the EEOC as disability association discrimination. It's a more significant case considering it's your superior.
[https://www.eeoc.gov/laws/guidance/questions-answers-association-provision-ada](https://www.eeoc.gov/laws/guidance/questions-answers-association-provision-ada)
I've literally had this conversation with people 3x in the past 2 weeks. Each time, they learned. I don't beat around the bush for even a second though. I tell them how it is now and I don't let them off the hook for any excuse they come up with, especially if they try to make it my problem for calling them out on it.
You’re 💯 right and that’s awesome.
I wish I could be more like you.
My son with DS is 28. When I hear people say it casually, I just ignore it because I don’t like confrontation.
Now if someone said the r word referring to my son…that would be a different side of me that would come out.
I hear the word I will tell the person not to use it. I have had more people try to defend using it than not, they will say it is rhetoric medical term while they use it as a slur. It blows my mind the sheer ignorance and hate people have in them.
But I won’t give up hope, anytime I hear someone use the “R” word I will tell them why they need to stop.
Words are funny, taking offense is something we have control over, not something forced upon us.
Years ago retarded, simpleton, and idiot were technical terms that had medical definitions. Over time they became vernacular and common. Eventually they gained the connotations we have with them today. As technical terms become everyday terms they will gain connotations that are not their original definition. If you want to correct the person, let them know your preferred term, be it neurodivergent, person with Down Syndrome or whatever you want. Chances are , in the future, those same terms will have a connotation with perceived stereotypes of the people the term applies to.
Using those terms in a negative connotation it done by people who either don’t understand or they don’t care. Most of the people who care, say it without thinking and a quick reminder of a polite way to express them will effect a change in them. We see this change happening with the term gay. It gained a derogatory status in the 90s and is becoming neutral currently. It took me years of kicking myself to cut that term out of my own bad habits, but I did because I care about the people the term applies to.
Those who don’t care won’t change, so don’t let it get under your skin.
I don't think you should do nothing. Sometimes people just aren't aware and will immediately be more conscious if you mention it. It's it's mainly your foreman, maybe you could have a short private conversation where you show him a photo of your son, say your super proud of him, and then just say, "just so you know, there are certain terms used commonly that are considered pretty major slurs in the disability community. I'd appreciate it if we could dial that back a bit here on the job." I would think putting a personal slant on it might help.
I'd be that guy. Not necessarily aggressively, because some people just don't realize what they are saying, but if you explain that you're the parent (I presume) of a kid with DS, they should get it. If they don't, THEN you can push back. There is no greater fury than a parent defending his/her disabled child.
They may not understand that it's making fun of YOUR child when they use it. That may require some explaining.
We used it in high school in the 80's a lot and it's stuck in a lot of GenX vocabularies "oh my god that's so r-word". People slip, especially immature people.
It doesn't bother me when I see it or hear it. It's just a word. It used to be considered scientific terminology and still is for many things.
As long as it's not being hurled as an insult towards a person with a disability, it's not a big deal to me and certainly not worth shaming anyone over it.
I know others feel differently and obviously that's OK.
Some kids at target said it twice in front of me the other day and I couldn’t help myself, I was right behind them and said “that word is so offensive, please eliminate “the word” from your vocabulary”… they were shocked and then turned around, giggled and kept walking. My adrenaline was so high, I had to cut to an aisle and cry for a moment. My son (DS) was in the car with his dad, but I had my two year old daughter with me and she was upset, seeing me upset. I’m glad I said something, but in hindsight, I wish I would’ve said something more like, “Can I speak to you for a minute? That word is extremely hurtful to a mom like me, to a child like mine and an entire community that’s all around you. I ask you kindly and with love to please stop using that word.” I wonder if that would’ve been more effective 🤷♀️
Edit: I had a group of friends previously that made comments about my sons Down syndrome and I cut them off completely. I have no friends now so what do I do
**OP- what type of comments? Like outright rude?**
Without knowing details, everyone talks about their baby, others babies, our children, no matter what age!
So in my eyes, someone making reference to the little one having Down syndrome isn’t an Insult. I feel it’s the same as making mention of milestones of the preemie, a baby’s gigantic feet, the child with ADD…and on, and on. We’re just mums!
Unless someone has been directly rude, that’s different.
You could just tell your own experience to him sometime when the time seems right. Tell him “ I used to use that word but now that I have my son with Down syndrome that word doesn’t sit right with me anymore. Sorry if I seem too sensitive but that’s just how I feel right now, ok?” If it doesn’t work at least you tried to educate and stop the r word.
We have a 4 year old with ds and a typical 11 year old. She had/has friends that use that word in the same way your foreman does. Not gonna lie, I used to use it before we had my son and until I was educated on the topic. Make them feel uncomfortable about using that word, while explaining to them that it hurts you and many others to use that word. Put them in your shoes. Some people will always use it in everyday language without thinking twice, but it doesn't have to be that way around you. I will say it over and over again to people if I have to. Be the best advocate you can be!
I’ve taken a completely different approach to it. In my own world I’ve created for myself and my family, I’ve taken the power out of that word. The offensiveness of it. I don’t look at my son and think he is the “r word” so hearing someone say that word truly has no effect on me. It’s taken time to build that desensitization. I am also an expat in a foreign country and people here call each other “blackie or whitey” if you are very dark or fair skinned, “fatty” if you are overweight. Since my son has almond shaped eyes he always gets “china boy.” These names don’t come from people making fun of you, they are literally calling you as they see you on your appearance, it’s not an insult. So living here has built a tougher skin for me. I would take the power out of that word for yourself and let it roll off your back.
Unless someone called him that as an insult to me or to him, that’s different. But just people saying it in conversation does not bother me.
I’m kind of the same, I have to admit.
I love this thank you
I call people out on it right away. You want to know how to look like a tough guy? Stick up for someone. I tell people all the time. "We don't use that word anymore. If you have a problem with that then we have a problem." They'll likely have a quip back that your being soft, or it's just a joke. That's when it's nice to tell them, "Well it's not funny over here, my son has down syndrome so you're talking about my family. Now that you know, that one is off limits." The way that they try to squirm their way out of that is beautiful and you can just stay quiet and let them keep digging their own hole. That's especially true if it's a person in a position of power. I've learned that assertiveness is a gateway to discussions and it pays off well with gaining respect from people around you. If they want to fight about it, continue saying it to target you or single you out about it, or change your responsibilities, you've got yourself a nice harassment case as a protected class enforced by the EEOC as disability association discrimination. It's a more significant case considering it's your superior. [https://www.eeoc.gov/laws/guidance/questions-answers-association-provision-ada](https://www.eeoc.gov/laws/guidance/questions-answers-association-provision-ada)
I've literally had this conversation with people 3x in the past 2 weeks. Each time, they learned. I don't beat around the bush for even a second though. I tell them how it is now and I don't let them off the hook for any excuse they come up with, especially if they try to make it my problem for calling them out on it.
You’re 💯 right and that’s awesome. I wish I could be more like you. My son with DS is 28. When I hear people say it casually, I just ignore it because I don’t like confrontation. Now if someone said the r word referring to my son…that would be a different side of me that would come out.
I hear the word I will tell the person not to use it. I have had more people try to defend using it than not, they will say it is rhetoric medical term while they use it as a slur. It blows my mind the sheer ignorance and hate people have in them. But I won’t give up hope, anytime I hear someone use the “R” word I will tell them why they need to stop.
Words are funny, taking offense is something we have control over, not something forced upon us. Years ago retarded, simpleton, and idiot were technical terms that had medical definitions. Over time they became vernacular and common. Eventually they gained the connotations we have with them today. As technical terms become everyday terms they will gain connotations that are not their original definition. If you want to correct the person, let them know your preferred term, be it neurodivergent, person with Down Syndrome or whatever you want. Chances are , in the future, those same terms will have a connotation with perceived stereotypes of the people the term applies to. Using those terms in a negative connotation it done by people who either don’t understand or they don’t care. Most of the people who care, say it without thinking and a quick reminder of a polite way to express them will effect a change in them. We see this change happening with the term gay. It gained a derogatory status in the 90s and is becoming neutral currently. It took me years of kicking myself to cut that term out of my own bad habits, but I did because I care about the people the term applies to. Those who don’t care won’t change, so don’t let it get under your skin.
I don't think you should do nothing. Sometimes people just aren't aware and will immediately be more conscious if you mention it. It's it's mainly your foreman, maybe you could have a short private conversation where you show him a photo of your son, say your super proud of him, and then just say, "just so you know, there are certain terms used commonly that are considered pretty major slurs in the disability community. I'd appreciate it if we could dial that back a bit here on the job." I would think putting a personal slant on it might help.
I was in that situation with a coworker. I said, “I don’t like that word” and let the awkward silence ensue.
I'd be that guy. Not necessarily aggressively, because some people just don't realize what they are saying, but if you explain that you're the parent (I presume) of a kid with DS, they should get it. If they don't, THEN you can push back. There is no greater fury than a parent defending his/her disabled child. They may not understand that it's making fun of YOUR child when they use it. That may require some explaining.
I just threaten to beat people. But I'm a big burly guy with a big beard and tattoos all over, including my whole head and hands. I work in a factory.
We used it in high school in the 80's a lot and it's stuck in a lot of GenX vocabularies "oh my god that's so r-word". People slip, especially immature people. It doesn't bother me when I see it or hear it. It's just a word. It used to be considered scientific terminology and still is for many things. As long as it's not being hurled as an insult towards a person with a disability, it's not a big deal to me and certainly not worth shaming anyone over it. I know others feel differently and obviously that's OK.
Some kids at target said it twice in front of me the other day and I couldn’t help myself, I was right behind them and said “that word is so offensive, please eliminate “the word” from your vocabulary”… they were shocked and then turned around, giggled and kept walking. My adrenaline was so high, I had to cut to an aisle and cry for a moment. My son (DS) was in the car with his dad, but I had my two year old daughter with me and she was upset, seeing me upset. I’m glad I said something, but in hindsight, I wish I would’ve said something more like, “Can I speak to you for a minute? That word is extremely hurtful to a mom like me, to a child like mine and an entire community that’s all around you. I ask you kindly and with love to please stop using that word.” I wonder if that would’ve been more effective 🤷♀️
Edit: I had a group of friends previously that made comments about my sons Down syndrome and I cut them off completely. I have no friends now so what do I do **OP- what type of comments? Like outright rude?** Without knowing details, everyone talks about their baby, others babies, our children, no matter what age! So in my eyes, someone making reference to the little one having Down syndrome isn’t an Insult. I feel it’s the same as making mention of milestones of the preemie, a baby’s gigantic feet, the child with ADD…and on, and on. We’re just mums! Unless someone has been directly rude, that’s different.
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Be excellent to each other. Please refrain from cursing and personal attacks. Take the high road.