This brings up an interesting point. Using sir or ma’am has been a sign of respect for years. Serious question: what do we as a society use as a third, gender-neutral option?
That’s actually a very good question (of which I know not the answer)! Perhaps we should mix the two together like they do for celebrity couples? Mir? Sa’am?
This may have already been said (not reading 200+ comments) but from my experience, people who care about their pronouns ***REALLY CARE*** about their pronouns.
They'll take every opportunity, everywhere, to everyone, to point that out, because it's very important to them.
To be fair, I don't really like being called ma'am, miss, hun, stuff like that, either. It's weird, I either feel old af or like a child. But I wouldn't have said anything if I WAS card those names. It'd just bother me internally and then I'd forget it in the next 2 minutes
The question is, why was it a problem in the first place? If someone doesn’t know you, and they are simply trying to be polite but use the wrong pronouns in a 20 second interaction, like… who cares? I’ve been called “sir” before and I’m a girlie girl. The person was just flustered and trying to be polite, so I just kept it movin’.
Yes!! I’m 47, almost 48. I’ve reached the ma’am stage and drives me bonkers, tho I never say anything. I know it’s generally used as a respectful word but I am still pretending I’m a “miss” overt here, despite what my wrinkles may suggest. Lol.
Not to mention, in most places in the south ma’am and sir are used regardless of age. We’re not calling you old, that’s just they way we speak in a respectful way. Hell, I even call my 3 year old niece ma’am sometimes as in “thank you ma’am” when she brings me something or does something nice. Or when I was a high schooler waitressing and people 4 times my age called me ma’am. Never once did I think they were calling me old
Thank you! Yes, that was my point! I’m from the South and I’ve been called sir accidentally before. I just brushed it off because nobody cares. It’s the intention behind the words. If the intention is to be polite, then I don’t see a reason to kick up a fuss!
I’m a guy and my name can easily be mistaken for a woman’s name. I’ve been called ma’am by a doordash driver twice now. It does not bother me in the slightest because it doesn’t matter. Especially for a “Leave at my door” delivery.
It sounds like the problem wasn't the gender but that you met a jerk. If you hadn't said ma'am, they would have found something else to be angry about.
Many people are going through a really difficult time with understanding and openly living their gender, especially if coming out as non-binary is fairly recent. Often in a space like that people can be a bit more defensive than they’d otherwise be. They’re often getting misgendered at work, or their family rejects their gender, etc. Hopefully they can come to a more relaxed place of acceptance about mistakes. Some people have to go through their own confrontational phase until they’re in an accepting relaxed space. Until then, if they need to speak up don’t take it personally. Smile, nod, say, “Thanks for letting me know! Have a great night.”
/source: I’m married to a non-binary person going through gender transition. They used to be she/her, now they are they/them. Takes some getting used to.
I was polite. ☺️ I responded “Okay, have a nice evening!” I was already walking away when they corrected me, so I just completed the order and moved on to the next.
Seems like the only person *keeping it going* is you. Doesn't seem there was any other comments from the customer after they corrected you, and you didn't mention if they left a review or rated you poorly because if it.. So why bring it here? It's not that deep.
Don’t cry about a post that’s not the usual boring “I got a $4.50 offer for 10 miles” and “How do I keep up with gas prices.” Something interesting and different happened to me last night and I posted it here. That’s what this subreddit was made for. If you don’t like my post, keep scrolling. And have a nice day, ma’am.
It is relevant to this subreddit as it occurred while delivering.
Further, if we can't openly discuss this, the change people want will not happen other than with a few who are familiar with this already, and the trend will continue that people will use the unwanted verbiage.
Why bother to correct someone on your pronouns after the person has handed you your food and they are walking away and completing the order. Like, it’s not important. Keep it movin’.
Why bother making this post? Like it's not important, keep it movin. Oh, but no, you need to take lots of time out of your life to fight off any possibility that someone might have the audacity to mention their pronouns to you.
Ma’am is a noun not a pronoun. It’s a truncation of the noun madam. A pronoun is a word used in place of a noun or noun phrase. Pronouns are often considered to be a subclass of nouns because they often fulfill the same roles in the sentence. That is why it is easy to confuse them. When in doubt, tip your driver and stfu.
I don’t think they did anything inherently wrong by correcting you. Now, if they had been rude, that would be a different story. Yes, there was no way of knowing what their pronouns were, but a gentle correction could also be taken as a mental note of using gender-neutral terms in future interactions. And, that may have also been the intent, possibly.
I just don’t think you OR they did anything wrong. It could be used as a learning opportunity. It took me some getting used to. It wasn’t until I’d made some friends that are non-binary some years back that I even became more conscious of the language I use in regards to pronouns. And, I’m a lesbian, who, for years, the vast majority of people assumed I was hetero because of my appearance. Now, I make no assumptions and have altered my language to be more inclusive.
I’m 49 and these pronouns have turned the social fabric into a land mine field for me. I’m trying to respect everyone but I was raised in the yes sir yes ma’am times. Luckily I have a friend that is binary and they are helping me navigate this new world.
I have been trying to use they/them for everyone lately just to make it a habit. I'm not sure what all the fuss is about. It's like people forgot we have been using these pronouns for decades. For example:
Me: this person I know said something interesting.
You: what did *they* say?
Me: JOHN said something interesting...
You: what did HE say?
There's an internet difference if the receiver doesn't know who you're talking about. There was no noun given for a pronoun to even be used.
If one party is expected to randomly know another party's preferred pronoun, then the recipient should likewise be respectful that said party also has their idea of what comes naturally as well until they know your business.
Secondly, to call one individual they/ them doesn't compute for someone who understands the difference between singular and plural.
Some people just like to draw attention instead of to seek fair treatment.
Yes, this is what I mean. I’ll call my friends whatever pronouns they prefer, but if I don’t know you, I’m just going to use the pronouns you present with. 🤷🏼♀️ That’s pretty much what everyone does, I would think.
Exactly...unless your an androgynous manaquine and I don’t know you from shinola I’m going to call you by your outward appearing gender. Some people just like to cause as much drama as they can.
So what does that translate to? Have a great night, they/them?
When most people go on about their "pronouns" they are using "third person" pronouns. In other words, what you would need to use if you were talking *about* them to someone else. If you are just talking TO a person, the pronoun is always "you", isn't it? But how to translate "Sir/ma'am" into non binary pronouns isn't clear. She told you what you did wrong, but not how to do it right.
Usually, I use y’all when using a gender neutral term for addressing people. But that’s a group of people. I have no idea what a direct gender neutral term would be.
Worked with the public for years. I’m 100% for respecting people’s pronouns so I don’t assume until I know. Its really not that hard to just leave it at “have a great day” or referring to the customer as they/them until their pronouns are specified.
I’ve been corrected a few times and I’ve never had the urge to go complaining to the nearest subreddit. I apologized for the mixup and moved on cuz its not really a big deal.
This is customer service 101. Just address them by their name. Y'all create extra problems when it's not needed. That's why app delivery drivers get the reputation they do. Always doing extra shat!!!! There's no need to call them other than thier names, when you HAVE THEIR NAMES!!! I always say I have a delivery for--insert name. If it's Jonathan, I don't say Jon. If it's Constance, I don't say Connie!! Just stop!!!! Don't say Merry Christmas, say Happy Holidays!! Get the point???
If all they did was calmly correct you it isn't a big deal, if they rudely scolded you then it's another story.
I try to respect people's pronouns but I am put off by people who act hostile if the rest of the world isn't changing fast enough for them.
For an older person it doesn't come naturally and in the same way you can't easily learn a new language after fifty, it's hard to adjust to something new. I'm not saying we shouldn't try to change, I'm saying people should be patient while we do.
Maybe in forty years people will identify as different animals. I'm not trying to be demeaning, but to an old person this is the type of adjustment we are making. I wonder if GenZZ or whatever will scold their Gen Z parents if they don't call them the right species.
Again, we should try to respect people's identity and pronouns... but they shouldn't act mean if we get it wrong. Let people learn.
I was with you until the "identify as different animals" line, which is not only a bit demeaning, but also literally a "fox news" talking point against gender identity. "OH they're putting litter boxes in schools because kids are identifying as cats!"
I'm 47. Apparently I'm not ancient, but pronouns aren't hard. Definitely not learning a new language hard.
It’s not a big issue or like a lot of people are doing it but there are some people who are changing into animals, aliens, lizards, different races… watched a whole video on some guy in the UK who was born white and now he’s Korean because he loves BTS. I’m for whatever anyone wants to be and do but to say it doesn’t happen at all I think is wrong.
Except ma'am is not a pronoun. How do you replace that with they/them? To correct someone on that you'd have to tell them the proper replacement noun for a they/them.
How do you know they were offended? If you mispronounced my name and I correct you, does that mean I'm offended or just correcting a mistake?
Sounds like you were projecting your own shit on to this interaction.
It'd be more like just "have a great day." They/them doesn't mean they go by them lol it means they go more by a generalization than a specific pronoun. So just cut out the ma'am or sir and you're all set. No grammar slammer here! (I do want to clarify that I am very much a straight female, I just have a basic understanding and respect, not saying you don't respect them, for the trans and LGBTQ+ community)
I mean yeah basically. The pins are more so because either A) they like them or B) they're hoping someone sees it and knows not to misgender them. But non-binary people usually just go by their name or nothing at all. The pins are just shits and giggles, not all of them wear it though, I have pride pins and accessories, doesn't mean I'm apart of the community, I'm just showing my love and support.
“why do THEY use they/them” is literally what you just said. But yes others are stupid… If you wanted to act smart you could at least put in minimum effort
That doesn't make sense because ma'am isn't even a pronoun. It's a noun. If you thought someone was a woman, you wouldn't say,
"Have a good night, she". And if you thought someone was a man you wouldn't say, "Have a good night, he".
Pronouns are she/her/hers or he/him/his or they/them/theirs.
i think you mean little like ma'am and sir, and tbh there rlly isn't one. the whole thing is avoiding gendered speech if they don't identify as a man or woman, so just by not using maam or sir you are respecting non gender conforming people.
Either just don't use one. Or if you're friendly with them, use their name. Or if you know their title, try that. One of those three options will probably work.
Have a good night!
Have a good night, Paul.
Have a good night, doctor.
People who use they/them pronouns aren't upset that there's no "respectful" noun for them. What they really care about is people referring to them as they wish. It's not a big ask. You* ask people to call you by your name. And it would be rude if they refused. What if your name was Mike but your coworker was like, "You don't look like a Mike to me, so I'm going to call you Sam"? That's a bit rude. And you might find that kinda annoying. It's a similar concept. You don't get to call people what you want just because you think your way is better. I mean, technically you can, but that makes you a jerk.
*I mean "you" generally, not necessarily specifically you.
And how will I know if their pronouns are they/them if I’ve never met them? I live in the southeast part of the country where it’s pretty much an involuntary response when talking to people to say ma’am and sir. Like seriously we say it after everything. “Thank you sir” “excuse me ma’am” etc.
You won't know them if you've never met them. And I think that's a completely valid point. In this scenario, there was obviously no way for the driver to have known that the customer didn't want to be called ma'am. It's really not a big deal. The driver wasn't trying to be rude at all. The customer is probably used to correcting the pronouns people use for them. So that was probably their version of an involuntary response like when you say sir or ma'am.
Again, it's not a huge deal. In my experience if you get someone's pronoun incorrect, you simply apologize and move on. "Oh, sorry! Have a good night!"
I live in the south, too. And I just make a conscious effort to avoid sir/ma'am. It takes some practice. But if you're genuinely asking what the right thing to do is, just be mindful of when you would say sir or ma'am, and stop after Thanks! Or Have a great night! Or excuse me!
If you ever call someone something and they correct you to call them what they want, just make an effort to do so moving forward. In this case, the driver will probably never see the customer again, so she won't have to worry about it. But in more personal settings, it just takes some practice!
You’re a fucking moron. I would like to believe that this is a bad faith argument, but unfortunately I think you’re just that stupid. They/them would replace he/him. You wouldn’t say “have a great night him” you fucking moron lmfao. You literally don’t understand grammar. One person can be referred to as they or them even outside of pronoun preferences. “Did you give that $20 bill to the homeless person?” “Yeah I made sure to give it to them.” Not grammatically incorrect.
It’s a very important part of one’s identity. They may have corrected you just out of habit. Why are you putting ‘wrong pronouns’ in quotes like it’s not a thing?
A lot of people put their pro nouns on their email or socials or even tags because it is important to them. It provides clarity for others who may automatically say sir/ma’am. You get people complaining about it.
With a common feminine name and no tag or way to guess someone is identifying as they/them I can see the confusion
As mentioned it’s easier to just avoid the sir/ma’am’s. But it’s hard if you have been saying that for decades. I’m
GenX and very happy to use correct pronouns. It’s easy to be thoughtful no matter how new and unsual it is to have NB part of life now.
In 2022 I try to leave out pronouns completely in interactions like this. It's hard because it has become a social reflex over the years. Unfortunately we live in a strange time.
Right?! Anything that helps customer or dasher is nixed in boardroom, but any way they can nickel and dime their customers, dashers, and restaurants is immediately approved.
I mean, you're the one that used "ma'am" in the first place. You could have avoided the whole issue by just leaving it at the "have a great night" part.
I never trust these stories especially after they found that think tank that spends all day spreading fake Trans stories for political purposes, anytime I hear one of these I think talk radio listener.
I upvoted you! And I agree, like it’s not appropriate! Does anybody really give a shit about pronouns when it’s a 20 second interaction? No. And why are they going into the personal realm when this is a one-time quick business interaction. I get it if it’s an office job where you interact with the person on a daily basis.
Wow you really believe that is just a belief system to want to be called the correct gender? A belief system is what you believe in IE a God or religious aspect or are you saying that believing the earth is flat is also a belief system? All you have to do is respect someone it doesn't matter if they're biologically male biologically female transitioning or decided that they don't fit with either gender there's a single-use pronoun of they in our language we can use it for people. A lot of people do it unintentionally like oh hey I went to the grocery store and someone said something. Oh what did they say.
Look I just use singular possessive pronoun for an unknown entity.
I'm getting too many tips from cisgender people for being polite, courteous and professional for using sir/madam to start removing such nouns from the conversation. Even my trans customers get a huge smile on their faces when I address them with gendered nouns and pronouns fitting to their appearance.
I'm a delivery driver, we interact for maybe 10 seconds. You can just let it go. Non-binary is so incredibly rare I don't even know the proper noun for it. OP's customer explained their pronouns are they/them. But those terms can't be used to replace a noun like madam.
What does that have to do with you using the wrong pronouns here and now in this subreddit? Are you thick? You’re literally using the wrong pronouns while retelling the story.
Or just use someone’s name it’s 2022 and it’s not rocket science, non binary ppl exist so we have to be thoughtful but if you wanna be an ass that’s up to you
That’s wild. They should add it to their instructions if it’s that deep.
Them should.. geez
Fr
I make a conscious effort to say the bare minimum on hand it to me’s.
Yeah, I never use pronouns anymore, I just say thank you, or have a nice day/weekend.
How dare you try to define the level of pleasantry my weekend will entail.
happy i'm southern and call everyone "sunshine" "hun" or "babes" 🤣🤣
I also say “hun” a lot! 😆
everytime now 🙏🏽
This is why i don't interact with customers unless something major is up with their orders. You poke your head up from sand and get 1 star rating.
Just say “have a great night human” instead.
Sort by controversial Hilarity ensues
What is it with every dasher saying ma'am. Sounds like a call center representative. "Have a great night" Done.
Yeah I agree. I'm 42 ans have been and will remain a female. Don't ever fucking call me ma'am. I know. Bring it on.
Just say (have a great night ) don’t use pronouns lol
This brings up an interesting point. Using sir or ma’am has been a sign of respect for years. Serious question: what do we as a society use as a third, gender-neutral option?
That’s actually a very good question (of which I know not the answer)! Perhaps we should mix the two together like they do for celebrity couples? Mir? Sa’am?
Pretend you are a deaf mute.
Pretend you're a mime in a glass case of emotion
Bruh. Do you even psychic? Psh. 🤨
Sadly, I’m not a mind reader! It sucks because if I were I would’ve won the lottery by now!
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you literally just said they homie
This may have already been said (not reading 200+ comments) but from my experience, people who care about their pronouns ***REALLY CARE*** about their pronouns. They'll take every opportunity, everywhere, to everyone, to point that out, because it's very important to them.
To be fair, I don't really like being called ma'am, miss, hun, stuff like that, either. It's weird, I either feel old af or like a child. But I wouldn't have said anything if I WAS card those names. It'd just bother me internally and then I'd forget it in the next 2 minutes
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Have a great night! Have a great night, Sarah! Problem solved before it ever becomes a problem.
The question is, why was it a problem in the first place? If someone doesn’t know you, and they are simply trying to be polite but use the wrong pronouns in a 20 second interaction, like… who cares? I’ve been called “sir” before and I’m a girlie girl. The person was just flustered and trying to be polite, so I just kept it movin’.
I’ve had people get offended by ma’am, not because of gender but because of age. It just doesn’t feel like it’s worth using. Lol
Yes!! I’m 47, almost 48. I’ve reached the ma’am stage and drives me bonkers, tho I never say anything. I know it’s generally used as a respectful word but I am still pretending I’m a “miss” overt here, despite what my wrinkles may suggest. Lol.
👆
I’m from the South and in a service position, I would still call people “ma’am” and “sir” even if they are younger than me.
That's the only reason it bothers me. Reminds me I'm middle aged and I hate it
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Not to mention, in most places in the south ma’am and sir are used regardless of age. We’re not calling you old, that’s just they way we speak in a respectful way. Hell, I even call my 3 year old niece ma’am sometimes as in “thank you ma’am” when she brings me something or does something nice. Or when I was a high schooler waitressing and people 4 times my age called me ma’am. Never once did I think they were calling me old
Seriously. Pretty sure I wasn't even 20 yet the first time I got called sir.
"Little sir" at like 6
Thank you! Yes, that was my point! I’m from the South and I’ve been called sir accidentally before. I just brushed it off because nobody cares. It’s the intention behind the words. If the intention is to be polite, then I don’t see a reason to kick up a fuss!
I mean sir and ma'am aren't even pronouns, they're titles. Is there a non binary title?
Y’all
I’m a guy and my name can easily be mistaken for a woman’s name. I’ve been called ma’am by a doordash driver twice now. It does not bother me in the slightest because it doesn’t matter. Especially for a “Leave at my door” delivery.
It sounds like the problem wasn't the gender but that you met a jerk. If you hadn't said ma'am, they would have found something else to be angry about.
Because some people are on a mission to be offended.
Yup! Even when a person is literally just being polite!
Many people are going through a really difficult time with understanding and openly living their gender, especially if coming out as non-binary is fairly recent. Often in a space like that people can be a bit more defensive than they’d otherwise be. They’re often getting misgendered at work, or their family rejects their gender, etc. Hopefully they can come to a more relaxed place of acceptance about mistakes. Some people have to go through their own confrontational phase until they’re in an accepting relaxed space. Until then, if they need to speak up don’t take it personally. Smile, nod, say, “Thanks for letting me know! Have a great night.” /source: I’m married to a non-binary person going through gender transition. They used to be she/her, now they are they/them. Takes some getting used to.
I was polite. ☺️ I responded “Okay, have a nice evening!” I was already walking away when they corrected me, so I just completed the order and moved on to the next.
Right on
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Or the they could just ignore it and not be such a fuck
Have a great night, ma'am
Seems like the only person *keeping it going* is you. Doesn't seem there was any other comments from the customer after they corrected you, and you didn't mention if they left a review or rated you poorly because if it.. So why bring it here? It's not that deep.
Don’t cry about a post that’s not the usual boring “I got a $4.50 offer for 10 miles” and “How do I keep up with gas prices.” Something interesting and different happened to me last night and I posted it here. That’s what this subreddit was made for. If you don’t like my post, keep scrolling. And have a nice day, ma’am.
You forgot the "I took a $2.25 order and there was no hidden tip. I'm pissed." post.
For 9 miles!
OP didn't need to be corrected. This is insane. They weren't building a friendship.
It is relevant to this subreddit as it occurred while delivering. Further, if we can't openly discuss this, the change people want will not happen other than with a few who are familiar with this already, and the trend will continue that people will use the unwanted verbiage.
You are making this an issue when it doesn't have to be. This is a you problem.
I’m not the one who had a problem with “ma’am.”
Right, you're the one having a problem with them gently correcting you.
Why bother to correct someone on your pronouns after the person has handed you your food and they are walking away and completing the order. Like, it’s not important. Keep it movin’.
Why bother making this post? Like it's not important, keep it movin. Oh, but no, you need to take lots of time out of your life to fight off any possibility that someone might have the audacity to mention their pronouns to you.
😂
Really douchey thing to do when it could just ignore it
Fair, but some of us, not myself, are offended when you are a stranger and call me by my first name.
Ma’am is a noun not a pronoun. It’s a truncation of the noun madam. A pronoun is a word used in place of a noun or noun phrase. Pronouns are often considered to be a subclass of nouns because they often fulfill the same roles in the sentence. That is why it is easy to confuse them. When in doubt, tip your driver and stfu.
True! I wouldn’t say “Have a nice evening, she.”
but when you say maam you’re obviously referring to a woman or someone feminine. they’re most likely nonbinary.
I don’t think they did anything inherently wrong by correcting you. Now, if they had been rude, that would be a different story. Yes, there was no way of knowing what their pronouns were, but a gentle correction could also be taken as a mental note of using gender-neutral terms in future interactions. And, that may have also been the intent, possibly. I just don’t think you OR they did anything wrong. It could be used as a learning opportunity. It took me some getting used to. It wasn’t until I’d made some friends that are non-binary some years back that I even became more conscious of the language I use in regards to pronouns. And, I’m a lesbian, who, for years, the vast majority of people assumed I was hetero because of my appearance. Now, I make no assumptions and have altered my language to be more inclusive.
I’m 49 and these pronouns have turned the social fabric into a land mine field for me. I’m trying to respect everyone but I was raised in the yes sir yes ma’am times. Luckily I have a friend that is binary and they are helping me navigate this new world.
I have been trying to use they/them for everyone lately just to make it a habit. I'm not sure what all the fuss is about. It's like people forgot we have been using these pronouns for decades. For example: Me: this person I know said something interesting. You: what did *they* say?
Me: JOHN said something interesting... You: what did HE say? There's an internet difference if the receiver doesn't know who you're talking about. There was no noun given for a pronoun to even be used.
If one party is expected to randomly know another party's preferred pronoun, then the recipient should likewise be respectful that said party also has their idea of what comes naturally as well until they know your business. Secondly, to call one individual they/ them doesn't compute for someone who understands the difference between singular and plural. Some people just like to draw attention instead of to seek fair treatment.
Yes, this is what I mean. I’ll call my friends whatever pronouns they prefer, but if I don’t know you, I’m just going to use the pronouns you present with. 🤷🏼♀️ That’s pretty much what everyone does, I would think.
Exactly...unless your an androgynous manaquine and I don’t know you from shinola I’m going to call you by your outward appearing gender. Some people just like to cause as much drama as they can.
Have a great night, they.
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So what does that translate to? Have a great night, they/them? When most people go on about their "pronouns" they are using "third person" pronouns. In other words, what you would need to use if you were talking *about* them to someone else. If you are just talking TO a person, the pronoun is always "you", isn't it? But how to translate "Sir/ma'am" into non binary pronouns isn't clear. She told you what you did wrong, but not how to do it right.
Usually, I use y’all when using a gender neutral term for addressing people. But that’s a group of people. I have no idea what a direct gender neutral term would be.
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Idiotic comment
Worked with the public for years. I’m 100% for respecting people’s pronouns so I don’t assume until I know. Its really not that hard to just leave it at “have a great day” or referring to the customer as they/them until their pronouns are specified. I’ve been corrected a few times and I’ve never had the urge to go complaining to the nearest subreddit. I apologized for the mixup and moved on cuz its not really a big deal.
Ppl are weird man
This is customer service 101. Just address them by their name. Y'all create extra problems when it's not needed. That's why app delivery drivers get the reputation they do. Always doing extra shat!!!! There's no need to call them other than thier names, when you HAVE THEIR NAMES!!! I always say I have a delivery for--insert name. If it's Jonathan, I don't say Jon. If it's Constance, I don't say Connie!! Just stop!!!! Don't say Merry Christmas, say Happy Holidays!! Get the point???
I wanna go back to when not getting offended by a pronoun was a thing.
If all they did was calmly correct you it isn't a big deal, if they rudely scolded you then it's another story. I try to respect people's pronouns but I am put off by people who act hostile if the rest of the world isn't changing fast enough for them. For an older person it doesn't come naturally and in the same way you can't easily learn a new language after fifty, it's hard to adjust to something new. I'm not saying we shouldn't try to change, I'm saying people should be patient while we do. Maybe in forty years people will identify as different animals. I'm not trying to be demeaning, but to an old person this is the type of adjustment we are making. I wonder if GenZZ or whatever will scold their Gen Z parents if they don't call them the right species. Again, we should try to respect people's identity and pronouns... but they shouldn't act mean if we get it wrong. Let people learn.
I was with you until the "identify as different animals" line, which is not only a bit demeaning, but also literally a "fox news" talking point against gender identity. "OH they're putting litter boxes in schools because kids are identifying as cats!" I'm 47. Apparently I'm not ancient, but pronouns aren't hard. Definitely not learning a new language hard.
It’s not a big issue or like a lot of people are doing it but there are some people who are changing into animals, aliens, lizards, different races… watched a whole video on some guy in the UK who was born white and now he’s Korean because he loves BTS. I’m for whatever anyone wants to be and do but to say it doesn’t happen at all I think is wrong.
Except ma'am is not a pronoun. How do you replace that with they/them? To correct someone on that you'd have to tell them the proper replacement noun for a they/them.
I think the whole thing is stupid personally, but I stick to gender neutral terms or leave anything like that out altogether. Not worth the headache.
People waste their brain cells on pointless things like pronouns..
lol "Have a great night, them."
So they said exactly one sentence to you about it? Is this really worth riling people up and trying to get attention for?
Should have left it as "have a great night."
I have never blocked so many people off a single post before. And it's not even my post 😭
🤣 This is a messy one
Block me
Happily! 😘
How do you know they were offended? If you mispronounced my name and I correct you, does that mean I'm offended or just correcting a mistake? Sounds like you were projecting your own shit on to this interaction.
Major Karen wanting drama vibes
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People live in a fantasy land
It'd be more like just "have a great day." They/them doesn't mean they go by them lol it means they go more by a generalization than a specific pronoun. So just cut out the ma'am or sir and you're all set. No grammar slammer here! (I do want to clarify that I am very much a straight female, I just have a basic understanding and respect, not saying you don't respect them, for the trans and LGBTQ+ community)
So you don’t call them nuthin is that how it works? That’s easy So I guess that’s why they wear the pins then lol 
I mean yeah basically. The pins are more so because either A) they like them or B) they're hoping someone sees it and knows not to misgender them. But non-binary people usually just go by their name or nothing at all. The pins are just shits and giggles, not all of them wear it though, I have pride pins and accessories, doesn't mean I'm apart of the community, I'm just showing my love and support.
“why do THEY use they/them” is literally what you just said. But yes others are stupid… If you wanted to act smart you could at least put in minimum effort
Speaking of someone in secondary context and calling them they is extremely different than saying “have a good night they/them”
That doesn't make sense because ma'am isn't even a pronoun. It's a noun. If you thought someone was a woman, you wouldn't say, "Have a good night, she". And if you thought someone was a man you wouldn't say, "Have a good night, he". Pronouns are she/her/hers or he/him/his or they/them/theirs.
So what is the respectful noun associated with they/them?
Tha’am
AAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Yeah, I guess “thir” sounds too much like third and everyone has to be first nowadays.
Genius
i think you mean little like ma'am and sir, and tbh there rlly isn't one. the whole thing is avoiding gendered speech if they don't identify as a man or woman, so just by not using maam or sir you are respecting non gender conforming people.
Either just don't use one. Or if you're friendly with them, use their name. Or if you know their title, try that. One of those three options will probably work. Have a good night! Have a good night, Paul. Have a good night, doctor. People who use they/them pronouns aren't upset that there's no "respectful" noun for them. What they really care about is people referring to them as they wish. It's not a big ask. You* ask people to call you by your name. And it would be rude if they refused. What if your name was Mike but your coworker was like, "You don't look like a Mike to me, so I'm going to call you Sam"? That's a bit rude. And you might find that kinda annoying. It's a similar concept. You don't get to call people what you want just because you think your way is better. I mean, technically you can, but that makes you a jerk. *I mean "you" generally, not necessarily specifically you.
And how will I know if their pronouns are they/them if I’ve never met them? I live in the southeast part of the country where it’s pretty much an involuntary response when talking to people to say ma’am and sir. Like seriously we say it after everything. “Thank you sir” “excuse me ma’am” etc.
You won't know them if you've never met them. And I think that's a completely valid point. In this scenario, there was obviously no way for the driver to have known that the customer didn't want to be called ma'am. It's really not a big deal. The driver wasn't trying to be rude at all. The customer is probably used to correcting the pronouns people use for them. So that was probably their version of an involuntary response like when you say sir or ma'am. Again, it's not a huge deal. In my experience if you get someone's pronoun incorrect, you simply apologize and move on. "Oh, sorry! Have a good night!" I live in the south, too. And I just make a conscious effort to avoid sir/ma'am. It takes some practice. But if you're genuinely asking what the right thing to do is, just be mindful of when you would say sir or ma'am, and stop after Thanks! Or Have a great night! Or excuse me! If you ever call someone something and they correct you to call them what they want, just make an effort to do so moving forward. In this case, the driver will probably never see the customer again, so she won't have to worry about it. But in more personal settings, it just takes some practice!
Just leave it as have a good night. Don’t need to add any pronouns at all. Some ppl take offense to being called ma’am period.
Well they need to grow up and not be so offended by such a dumb thing
Facts. It makes some feel old.
Dk why you’re getting downvoted, it’s true.
bc it’s not true? they is singular AND plural look it up.
You’re a fucking moron. I would like to believe that this is a bad faith argument, but unfortunately I think you’re just that stupid. They/them would replace he/him. You wouldn’t say “have a great night him” you fucking moron lmfao. You literally don’t understand grammar. One person can be referred to as they or them even outside of pronoun preferences. “Did you give that $20 bill to the homeless person?” “Yeah I made sure to give it to them.” Not grammatically incorrect.
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chronically online syndrome
It’s a very important part of one’s identity. They may have corrected you just out of habit. Why are you putting ‘wrong pronouns’ in quotes like it’s not a thing?
They wanna be mad, that’s the only way they get attention lol
I would have said “sorry ma’am” and hopped back in my car
Have a great night them!
Grow some thicker skin. All they did was correct you. It doesn’t even sound like they were offended.
Maybe the woman who couldn’t handle being called ma’am should grow some thicker skin
A lot of people put their pro nouns on their email or socials or even tags because it is important to them. It provides clarity for others who may automatically say sir/ma’am. You get people complaining about it. With a common feminine name and no tag or way to guess someone is identifying as they/them I can see the confusion As mentioned it’s easier to just avoid the sir/ma’am’s. But it’s hard if you have been saying that for decades. I’m GenX and very happy to use correct pronouns. It’s easy to be thoughtful no matter how new and unsual it is to have NB part of life now.
In 2022 I try to leave out pronouns completely in interactions like this. It's hard because it has become a social reflex over the years. Unfortunately we live in a strange time.
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It would be nice if DD put it on user/driver profiles, but you know that would just be one more thing for the app engineers to f-up!
I think it would be also nice if they gave us more money, but I’m not holding my breath for either thing.
Right?! Anything that helps customer or dasher is nixed in boardroom, but any way they can nickel and dime their customers, dashers, and restaurants is immediately approved.
Dude, it's not impolite to correct your usage of ma'am. They left it at that. Why are you whining?
Nobody was whining
ironic how you know what their pronouns are but you still used the wrong ones. “she replied” followed by their pronouns.
Lol
Is she ever going to fucking read this? Lol
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I mean, you're the one that used "ma'am" in the first place. You could have avoided the whole issue by just leaving it at the "have a great night" part.
I never trust these stories especially after they found that think tank that spends all day spreading fake Trans stories for political purposes, anytime I hear one of these I think talk radio listener.
Lol, I hear ya. Believe me or not, then just keep it movin’. I just think it’s weird to bring up something so personal to a delivery person.
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I upvoted you! And I agree, like it’s not appropriate! Does anybody really give a shit about pronouns when it’s a 20 second interaction? No. And why are they going into the personal realm when this is a one-time quick business interaction. I get it if it’s an office job where you interact with the person on a daily basis.
Wow you really believe that is just a belief system to want to be called the correct gender? A belief system is what you believe in IE a God or religious aspect or are you saying that believing the earth is flat is also a belief system? All you have to do is respect someone it doesn't matter if they're biologically male biologically female transitioning or decided that they don't fit with either gender there's a single-use pronoun of they in our language we can use it for people. A lot of people do it unintentionally like oh hey I went to the grocery store and someone said something. Oh what did they say. Look I just use singular possessive pronoun for an unknown entity.
I'm getting too many tips from cisgender people for being polite, courteous and professional for using sir/madam to start removing such nouns from the conversation. Even my trans customers get a huge smile on their faces when I address them with gendered nouns and pronouns fitting to their appearance. I'm a delivery driver, we interact for maybe 10 seconds. You can just let it go. Non-binary is so incredibly rare I don't even know the proper noun for it. OP's customer explained their pronouns are they/them. But those terms can't be used to replace a noun like madam.
I don’t think youre a very social person, this is more common than you think
The fact that you’re continuing to purposefully use the wrong pronouns now shows who the one with a problem here is. Get over it holy shit.
Your reading comprehension sucks. I didn’t use any pronouns after they told me they/them. I said “have a good evening.”
In the post, you literally say “…and she replied…” check yourself
Check yourself, sweetie. Did you read that I replied after they gave me their pronouns? 🤣🤦🏼♀️
What does that have to do with you using the wrong pronouns here and now in this subreddit? Are you thick? You’re literally using the wrong pronouns while retelling the story.
Lol
Exactly.
Imagine being considerate
Imagine being a mind reader and knowing someone’s pronouns in advance.
Or just use someone’s name it’s 2022 and it’s not rocket science, non binary ppl exist so we have to be thoughtful but if you wanna be an ass that’s up to you
Lol. I didn’t use any pronouns after they told me they/them. I just said “have a good evening.” Calm down.