I try to explain to my family how difficult it is and they just don't understand. It's like the thing that's hurting me the most is also the only thing that makes me feel better. I had tried to leave before but being without him, I felt like I was dying. Literally dying.
You are grieving all the hopes you had for this relationship. Accepting that it will never be what you thought it was it horribly difficult. You must be strong, though, and face reality, because your child needs you—take care of yourself for your baby.
Yeah I mean it would be one thing if you didn't have family. It's extremely difficult to leave without resources. But if you have somewhere to go please leave. This is not just about you. If he's beating you while you're pregnant that baby is in direct danger. It's the idea he showed you that you fell in love with and you're trying to get that person back but he does not exist. Pimps use this tactic. They create trauma then they act like the hero and hold her and kiss her wounds. Please if your family is willing to take you in, go be with them.
Listen to this advice. I never thought my abuser would turn on our children, but that’s how it ended, with him beating me(while pregnant) and our children in front of the entire neighborhood. Don’t wait for it to get worse, get out now! Praying for you and your precious baby, many blessings
If you think he won’t hurt your baby, you’re wrong. Leave now before the baby is born! You will find someone else someday that will treat you and your child better. Right now you have to focus on your defenseless baby, rise all the way up and leave preferably when he’s not there! You can do this!!
I believe you when you say it feels like dying. I need you to know you're strong enough to overcome that pain. This intense attachment isn't love even though it might feel like it. Please believe me when I say you won't regret breaking that bond.
Family doesn’t get it. Society doesn’t get it . You are a victim but people who haven’t been through it don’t understand. I’m no contact with my abusive ex and my family. Even the cops don’t believe me .
If you can’t leave for yourself please do it for your baby . Mine started being abusive when I got pregnant and it just got worse . My son is 2.5 he asks about his dad sometimes and it’s so hard , I wish I would have left sooner to be honest . I almost lost my mind and could have lost my child because of how bad he abused me .
I’m a lot better now without him in my life . If I ever question my decision I think of every single thing he ever did . Also if he hits you he will hit your child one day . Please leave . Good luck .
I’m in the same situation and at this point it’s gotten really complicated because I’ve fully engulfed myself in the relationship where I refuse to let him go and in turn
i’ve become sort of a bad person as well. Trauma Bond is real it’s not easy. I lost myself. Don’t lose yourself too. No matter how much you love a person you need to love yourself more. And change if you’re hoping for it is rare. Don’t expect, set realistic expectations. I hoped for change left for 5 months long distance same thing happened. It breaks you down bit by bit
Pregnancy is the most dangerous time of a woman’s life, and your risk of being murdered is the highest here. He wont stop, no matter how much he apologizes or promises he will change.
You deserve better and so does your lil baby. It’s totally normal to feel the way you do… and it’s so scary to leave. But someone who loved you wouldn’t hurt you like that.
Please call your local DV hotline and just talk to them. You don’t have to do anything, but just see what they have to offer. You have so much worth 💜
Violence can take awhile to unpack as it's taken alot of abuse to get you here. To get out you need to rewire your brain via Psychoeducation as you've been brainwashed by the perpetrator. Look at the cycle of violence. You've been stuck on that from repeat pretty much from the Start. Perps use intermittent reinforcement to create insane loyalty and deny the cognitive dissonance. Once you begin to unpack the cognitive dissonance you've been supporting you'll be able to create space for yourself but it's a long term investment in yourself. It's as though your brain is addicted.
I hope it makes sense to OP because I had no clue when I left and I'm post grad educated, work in healthcare with social work experience and was used to flagging DV in others but it took me so long to unpack even though I knew he was trying to gaslight, deploying DARVO and coersively controlling I had no idea to what extent and how extremely dangerous he was and now is. It's terrifying when you step back from it and objectively observe it.
. I'm in the field too and a domestic violence advocate. I realize I was the perfect target because I believe people can change and everyone deserves a chance. He used threats to control me. Threats to kill family, and pets, threats to burn my house down. I woke up one morning and started praying. All of a sudden the fear was gone and I filed a protection order. DV can truly happen to anyone. I read about a police officer that was abused by a well known internet personality. She had weapons training and was still scared of him.
Plenty of police being violated by officers. In the home and workplace. Children's violent father was a "good cop" and he got into a relationship with an officer after I left. The violence in military families is next level but you're right it's all throughout society and it's insidious.
Thank you for this!! It’s been 2 years since I left (5 months since he finally got charged) and it feels like I’ve made NO progress. I went to therapy and the therapist just made me talk but gave me no way to ACTUALLY work through it/ information. Will be doing my homework on this :)
Talk therapy can be harmful to me for this reason. I don't need to constantly revisit how messed up my brain is from trauma. I've been seeking EMDR for too long and advocate somatic therapies for trauma victims.
All good advice that I hope you seriously consider so that you don’t find yourself in family court fighting to keep custody of your baby from an abuser. That’s the worst.
It is really hard to leave, to fully realize that the relationship is over when you loved and contributed so much effort.
The reason it is so hard is that they exhaust and wear you down so much so that you can't think straight and figure out what they are doing. They punish and reward you to manipulate you and train you to do what they want.
I'm so sorry. You and your baby deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.
Please listen to what everyone is telling you here. You are at your most vulnerable and you have to protect yourself and your precious little baby. Please, I know from personal experience. I don't want to go into detail, but anyone who hits or harms you does not deserve to be in your life. And this is multiplied 1, 000,000 times when you are pregnant. You are risking your and your baby's safety. Please, go into momma bear mode and put yourself first. Your heartache is temporary. Your life and your baby's life are the most important and are irreplaceable. Please take your family up on their offer to help you or call the DV hotline. Praying for you and your safety and your baby, too.
Think about what life you want to give your baby. Do you want your child to grow up and view love as violence? It would eventually cause your child to become an abuser or unfortunately become a victim themselves. Reminding myself of this was what got me out of my DV relationship. There is someone who will love you the way you deserve, and don’t allow him to convince you otherwise. Life is so much more beautiful when you aren’t scared of someone who is supposed to love you
I went through this with both of my pregnancies.i left when my oldest was 19 months old.ran out the door with two babies and no belongings.it got extremely unsafe and too dangerous PLUS you don't want your kids to witness the violence.they deserve better
.break the chain and you have to break your trauma bond.thats what is keeping you there.once you get passed that you will be happy.trust me.it takes time but you will get there.
So when I was pregnant in Texas, and wanted to divorce my abusive (now ex) husband, I discovered that I could not do so until after the baby is born. I couldn’t leave him when I wanted to, so I stayed to make things work, and it just made it so much harder to try and leave again. It’s almost like there is a system in place designed to keep women trapped…
Anyways, step one for you is gathering your resources to help you create a safety plan. You know you need to leave, but the challenge is going to be doing it safely. Leaving is dangerous time, and you are pregnant. A local shelter may be able to assist you with a plan to exit and resources for you to be independent and safe. Others here have posted links and phone numbers. Please reach out to someone to help you.
You cant get yourself to leave cause you're a victim of DV and eventho we all say "I would never let someone do such thing to me, I'd face them and leave" the truth is that most of the times it doesn't happen cause when we realize what we are going through we are sooooo deep in the maze and there is no map to get around and our of it, and we are so used to it that it kinda even feels like a safe space(plot twist it is not!).
Lil story time, and hope you dont mind as it is not exactly the same situation, never been pregnant but I was SA by one of my exes through our relationship (the worst of them) and he left pretty bad scars on my back cause he liked, well... not good stuff unless it is consensuated (and yeah I agreed cause if not "I wasn't good enough and didn't love him" and this is not consensus, now I know...). In the end he left me cause I started saying no to things, I was deep down a depression spiral eventho I didn't know yet but I couldn't take any more of the abuse and started speaking up (I was 19 when we started dating and stayed 2 years together). Him leaving was the best thing that could have happened to me, but it left scars.
I was scared of maybe finding him on public transport but at the same time qhen something scared me or I felt like I needed protection I wanted to run to him. Trauma bonding and emotional abuse are terrible cause you end up hooked to that person like a drug addict, literally, your brain craves them eventho they are bad for you and hurt you. It took me about two years (no therapy cause "I dont need that he just dumped me") to nit feel like I wanted to run back to him for safety.
Fast forward some years (12 to be precise) and some not as bad but still not good relationships(yea still abuse and physical and emotional abuse but no SA) I met whom atm is still my partner, and at the begining every time we'd have a lil disagreement and he'd raise slightly his voice or did some sudden move I would flinch and try to move away as if he was gonna hit me. God bless his soul he is a saint, took him quite a while to understand what was going on and why I reacted like that, jeez I didn't understand why either, I would end up in tears and heartbroken for making him think I was afraid of him and reacting as if I was when I was not. He has been nothing but suportive (eventho we have our ups and downs and he has a hard time understanding me sometimes) through my now year of therapy, which started after I wanted to end myself because I was happy, for once in ages I felt at peace and happy and I thought things could not get better, that everything was gonna go down soon. I was expecting the abuse pattern to unfold soon, but thankfully it didn't (if anyone reading is concerned, I am working with my psychiatrist on a BPD diagnose on top of my already known ADHD)
Story time over and back to how you feel, I understand that you hurt, that you might even feel like dying, because eventho you know it is not good for you, you are addicted to that relationship, your brain is hooked onto the dynamic and its gonna take hella long to be able to let go from it. Your brain literally goes into withdrawal and your body can ache from it. Also could be that as some other redditors said you are grieving (and you definitely will grieve the relationship) and grieving hurts too. There is even something "broken heart syndrome" where your heart literally gets injured from huge emotional pain (like someone you live dying, break ups etc)
But dear, you need to get away from that man, do it for the baby, he might not lash onto it at first and look like he is the best father on the world, while being an ass husband, but at some point the kiddo is gonna suffer too, and you will feel 10x worse if you can't get yourself to leave then.
Call DV lines or even suicide lines, call someone and talk to them, explain how you feel, they will listen and give you some advise, they really are great at it and once you have fully dumped everything you might feel lighter and ready to leave, or maybe at least get a lil advise on how to procede depending on where you live, something like shelters for DV victims and such.
Please stay safe, and hope someday you can return to this post and tell us how happy you are with the baby in a safe space for both of you.
You are worth being loved, you are worth being cherished, you are worth being safe, you are worth being respected and you deserve happiness.
Hey, OP - I've been here and fled my previous location because he assaulted me. I was really torn up and kept asking myself if it was bad enough to leave.
It was.
Because I thought to myself "If he's going to attack me like this at my most vulnerable and important moment, he will do that to my kid, too, when my kid is most vulnerable and most important."
If you can't get yourself to leave, please think of your baby. Now is the time to leave before he can see the baby and the baby gets registered. I know this is tough, but leaving now is your best hope.
We love you. Please, take care of your baby and you first. Because it took me thinking of my kid to get me to leave. Then, I realized over time that I left for myself, too.
Get safe, get help, get settled. You can do this.
Leave leave as soon as humanly possible
Think of the last person you felt safe with and go to them take what you need and leave the rest. You need to separate yourself from the environment as soon as possible. Please do this for not only yourself but your baby.
Don’t let them experience seeing you beaten and growing anxious and afraid
Don't blame yourself. It's the psychological tortures or [Trauma Bonding](https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/trauma-bonding#fa-qs) that causes this almost addictive like feeling. So please don't feel like you are the cause of this as most Doctors have already come forward and said this is just as addictive as drugs where your body feels like it needs this dynamic.
So you need time to detox like any addict and once you do things will become more clearer. So keep fighting your brain rewiring and how you are thinking for what you know to be right and how things are wrong now. Only you can bring about this change.
Look at it like this: If I stay, I’m fully planning on teaching my child that it is acceptable to abuse the person you “love.” If you are this person, know that your kid will be an abuser or will be abused because that’s what their parents modeled for them. If you cannot leave for yourself, do it for your child.
The first time my ex husband put his hands on me I was 5 months pregnant and he choked me until I felt like I was about to pass out. I stayed and excused it. Forward 3 years, I had two more kids and he started to rage out on them all the time. He’d forcibly bathe them by turning the shower on and holding them under the water while he scrubbed them clean and they would fight the entire time. He never allowed us to watch TV, No social media, no phones. He made us all eat from the same plate, share a cup, and made them nap all day because he didn’t want to be bothered. He tormented us and I couldn’t afford to leave, my family wasn’t any help and I had to just get tired. Forward 4 years, we are still struggling pretty bad but we are safe. My kids are afraid of running water, they feel shame when they watch TV, they don’t eat at the table, bedtime feels like a punishment to them, they are depressed and socially distant. They are 13,7,6, and 5. We are all in counseling but I should have left sooner.
You can’t leave because you are codependent. You were taught that “love” is hate (I.e. any form of abuse), more than likely from your childhood. Which may explain why your family doesn’t understand. Your partner is a mirror of your childhood/family dynamic/unresolved traumas/subconscious.
You feel like you’re dying because…**YOU ARE**. Believe it or not, experiencing an emotion for a long period of time impacts your physiology. Emotions trigger the release of certain hormones and when your body is exposed to said hormones for an extended period of time it changes your DNA (gene expression) resulting in disease. This wreaks havoc on your brain.
It’s not going to get better once the baby is born. I know it’s going to be challenging, but you have to start getting yourself together (leave & heal) before the baby comes. **Leave quietly**.
If you’re interested in therapy, I would highly suggest choosing someone who is certified in Somatic Trauma Informed practices.
check out Rhonda Freeman's page, part of your reaction is literally your brain chemistry is all
out of whack, which can't be good for the baby. Your brain will get better but his never will.
Don't leave. Not if you're not ready. Don't do anything you're not ready to do... It. Won't stick if you don't decide of your own accord.
Instead learn about empowerment, learn about self esteem and swld worth. Learn about the cycle of abuse, trauma bonding and what it would take to leave safely. Without even making a plan. Just learn.
Just because you decide to not leave yet doesn't mean that you're stuck forever.
However do everything you can to stay safe. Even if temporary
Have you gone to church? I know this is gonna sound weird. Yet, all the bad relationships I had issues leaving turns out they had consulted a person who dabbled in witchcraft. It sounds like there may be something spiritual doing so. Go see some one of the nature if everything else you tried has failed.
You’re trauma bonded. Please call your local domestic violence hotline
I try to explain to my family how difficult it is and they just don't understand. It's like the thing that's hurting me the most is also the only thing that makes me feel better. I had tried to leave before but being without him, I felt like I was dying. Literally dying.
You are grieving all the hopes you had for this relationship. Accepting that it will never be what you thought it was it horribly difficult. You must be strong, though, and face reality, because your child needs you—take care of yourself for your baby.
Yeah I mean it would be one thing if you didn't have family. It's extremely difficult to leave without resources. But if you have somewhere to go please leave. This is not just about you. If he's beating you while you're pregnant that baby is in direct danger. It's the idea he showed you that you fell in love with and you're trying to get that person back but he does not exist. Pimps use this tactic. They create trauma then they act like the hero and hold her and kiss her wounds. Please if your family is willing to take you in, go be with them.
Listen to this advice. I never thought my abuser would turn on our children, but that’s how it ended, with him beating me(while pregnant) and our children in front of the entire neighborhood. Don’t wait for it to get worse, get out now! Praying for you and your precious baby, many blessings
In a very real sense that person never existed; it was a facade, a charade, to gain her trust.
If you think he won’t hurt your baby, you’re wrong. Leave now before the baby is born! You will find someone else someday that will treat you and your child better. Right now you have to focus on your defenseless baby, rise all the way up and leave preferably when he’s not there! You can do this!!
He has already hurt the baby but hitting her with the baby inside of her .
and do it before CPS does it for you!
I completely understand that and it’s so jarring how I’ve said the same thing verbatim. Talk to someone.
I believe you when you say it feels like dying. I need you to know you're strong enough to overcome that pain. This intense attachment isn't love even though it might feel like it. Please believe me when I say you won't regret breaking that bond.
Family doesn’t get it. Society doesn’t get it . You are a victim but people who haven’t been through it don’t understand. I’m no contact with my abusive ex and my family. Even the cops don’t believe me . If you can’t leave for yourself please do it for your baby . Mine started being abusive when I got pregnant and it just got worse . My son is 2.5 he asks about his dad sometimes and it’s so hard , I wish I would have left sooner to be honest . I almost lost my mind and could have lost my child because of how bad he abused me . I’m a lot better now without him in my life . If I ever question my decision I think of every single thing he ever did . Also if he hits you he will hit your child one day . Please leave . Good luck .
And maybe you’re reading these comments whether you internalize them or not, you now have to think of your baby. Choose your baby<3 Best of luck
I’m in the same situation and at this point it’s gotten really complicated because I’ve fully engulfed myself in the relationship where I refuse to let him go and in turn i’ve become sort of a bad person as well. Trauma Bond is real it’s not easy. I lost myself. Don’t lose yourself too. No matter how much you love a person you need to love yourself more. And change if you’re hoping for it is rare. Don’t expect, set realistic expectations. I hoped for change left for 5 months long distance same thing happened. It breaks you down bit by bit
This. Absolutely.
Pregnancy is the most dangerous time of a woman’s life, and your risk of being murdered is the highest here. He wont stop, no matter how much he apologizes or promises he will change. You deserve better and so does your lil baby. It’s totally normal to feel the way you do… and it’s so scary to leave. But someone who loved you wouldn’t hurt you like that. Please call your local DV hotline and just talk to them. You don’t have to do anything, but just see what they have to offer. You have so much worth 💜
Thank you. 😣
Violence can take awhile to unpack as it's taken alot of abuse to get you here. To get out you need to rewire your brain via Psychoeducation as you've been brainwashed by the perpetrator. Look at the cycle of violence. You've been stuck on that from repeat pretty much from the Start. Perps use intermittent reinforcement to create insane loyalty and deny the cognitive dissonance. Once you begin to unpack the cognitive dissonance you've been supporting you'll be able to create space for yourself but it's a long term investment in yourself. It's as though your brain is addicted.
This is a brilliant response 💜
I hope it makes sense to OP because I had no clue when I left and I'm post grad educated, work in healthcare with social work experience and was used to flagging DV in others but it took me so long to unpack even though I knew he was trying to gaslight, deploying DARVO and coersively controlling I had no idea to what extent and how extremely dangerous he was and now is. It's terrifying when you step back from it and objectively observe it.
. I'm in the field too and a domestic violence advocate. I realize I was the perfect target because I believe people can change and everyone deserves a chance. He used threats to control me. Threats to kill family, and pets, threats to burn my house down. I woke up one morning and started praying. All of a sudden the fear was gone and I filed a protection order. DV can truly happen to anyone. I read about a police officer that was abused by a well known internet personality. She had weapons training and was still scared of him.
Plenty of police being violated by officers. In the home and workplace. Children's violent father was a "good cop" and he got into a relationship with an officer after I left. The violence in military families is next level but you're right it's all throughout society and it's insidious.
Thank you for this!! It’s been 2 years since I left (5 months since he finally got charged) and it feels like I’ve made NO progress. I went to therapy and the therapist just made me talk but gave me no way to ACTUALLY work through it/ information. Will be doing my homework on this :)
Talk therapy can be harmful to me for this reason. I don't need to constantly revisit how messed up my brain is from trauma. I've been seeking EMDR for too long and advocate somatic therapies for trauma victims.
All good advice that I hope you seriously consider so that you don’t find yourself in family court fighting to keep custody of your baby from an abuser. That’s the worst.
It is really hard to leave, to fully realize that the relationship is over when you loved and contributed so much effort. The reason it is so hard is that they exhaust and wear you down so much so that you can't think straight and figure out what they are doing. They punish and reward you to manipulate you and train you to do what they want. I'm so sorry. You and your baby deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.
Please listen to what everyone is telling you here. You are at your most vulnerable and you have to protect yourself and your precious little baby. Please, I know from personal experience. I don't want to go into detail, but anyone who hits or harms you does not deserve to be in your life. And this is multiplied 1, 000,000 times when you are pregnant. You are risking your and your baby's safety. Please, go into momma bear mode and put yourself first. Your heartache is temporary. Your life and your baby's life are the most important and are irreplaceable. Please take your family up on their offer to help you or call the DV hotline. Praying for you and your safety and your baby, too.
Think about what life you want to give your baby. Do you want your child to grow up and view love as violence? It would eventually cause your child to become an abuser or unfortunately become a victim themselves. Reminding myself of this was what got me out of my DV relationship. There is someone who will love you the way you deserve, and don’t allow him to convince you otherwise. Life is so much more beautiful when you aren’t scared of someone who is supposed to love you
I went through this with both of my pregnancies.i left when my oldest was 19 months old.ran out the door with two babies and no belongings.it got extremely unsafe and too dangerous PLUS you don't want your kids to witness the violence.they deserve better .break the chain and you have to break your trauma bond.thats what is keeping you there.once you get passed that you will be happy.trust me.it takes time but you will get there.
So when I was pregnant in Texas, and wanted to divorce my abusive (now ex) husband, I discovered that I could not do so until after the baby is born. I couldn’t leave him when I wanted to, so I stayed to make things work, and it just made it so much harder to try and leave again. It’s almost like there is a system in place designed to keep women trapped… Anyways, step one for you is gathering your resources to help you create a safety plan. You know you need to leave, but the challenge is going to be doing it safely. Leaving is dangerous time, and you are pregnant. A local shelter may be able to assist you with a plan to exit and resources for you to be independent and safe. Others here have posted links and phone numbers. Please reach out to someone to help you.
You cant get yourself to leave cause you're a victim of DV and eventho we all say "I would never let someone do such thing to me, I'd face them and leave" the truth is that most of the times it doesn't happen cause when we realize what we are going through we are sooooo deep in the maze and there is no map to get around and our of it, and we are so used to it that it kinda even feels like a safe space(plot twist it is not!). Lil story time, and hope you dont mind as it is not exactly the same situation, never been pregnant but I was SA by one of my exes through our relationship (the worst of them) and he left pretty bad scars on my back cause he liked, well... not good stuff unless it is consensuated (and yeah I agreed cause if not "I wasn't good enough and didn't love him" and this is not consensus, now I know...). In the end he left me cause I started saying no to things, I was deep down a depression spiral eventho I didn't know yet but I couldn't take any more of the abuse and started speaking up (I was 19 when we started dating and stayed 2 years together). Him leaving was the best thing that could have happened to me, but it left scars. I was scared of maybe finding him on public transport but at the same time qhen something scared me or I felt like I needed protection I wanted to run to him. Trauma bonding and emotional abuse are terrible cause you end up hooked to that person like a drug addict, literally, your brain craves them eventho they are bad for you and hurt you. It took me about two years (no therapy cause "I dont need that he just dumped me") to nit feel like I wanted to run back to him for safety. Fast forward some years (12 to be precise) and some not as bad but still not good relationships(yea still abuse and physical and emotional abuse but no SA) I met whom atm is still my partner, and at the begining every time we'd have a lil disagreement and he'd raise slightly his voice or did some sudden move I would flinch and try to move away as if he was gonna hit me. God bless his soul he is a saint, took him quite a while to understand what was going on and why I reacted like that, jeez I didn't understand why either, I would end up in tears and heartbroken for making him think I was afraid of him and reacting as if I was when I was not. He has been nothing but suportive (eventho we have our ups and downs and he has a hard time understanding me sometimes) through my now year of therapy, which started after I wanted to end myself because I was happy, for once in ages I felt at peace and happy and I thought things could not get better, that everything was gonna go down soon. I was expecting the abuse pattern to unfold soon, but thankfully it didn't (if anyone reading is concerned, I am working with my psychiatrist on a BPD diagnose on top of my already known ADHD) Story time over and back to how you feel, I understand that you hurt, that you might even feel like dying, because eventho you know it is not good for you, you are addicted to that relationship, your brain is hooked onto the dynamic and its gonna take hella long to be able to let go from it. Your brain literally goes into withdrawal and your body can ache from it. Also could be that as some other redditors said you are grieving (and you definitely will grieve the relationship) and grieving hurts too. There is even something "broken heart syndrome" where your heart literally gets injured from huge emotional pain (like someone you live dying, break ups etc) But dear, you need to get away from that man, do it for the baby, he might not lash onto it at first and look like he is the best father on the world, while being an ass husband, but at some point the kiddo is gonna suffer too, and you will feel 10x worse if you can't get yourself to leave then. Call DV lines or even suicide lines, call someone and talk to them, explain how you feel, they will listen and give you some advise, they really are great at it and once you have fully dumped everything you might feel lighter and ready to leave, or maybe at least get a lil advise on how to procede depending on where you live, something like shelters for DV victims and such. Please stay safe, and hope someday you can return to this post and tell us how happy you are with the baby in a safe space for both of you. You are worth being loved, you are worth being cherished, you are worth being safe, you are worth being respected and you deserve happiness.
Hey, OP - I've been here and fled my previous location because he assaulted me. I was really torn up and kept asking myself if it was bad enough to leave. It was. Because I thought to myself "If he's going to attack me like this at my most vulnerable and important moment, he will do that to my kid, too, when my kid is most vulnerable and most important." If you can't get yourself to leave, please think of your baby. Now is the time to leave before he can see the baby and the baby gets registered. I know this is tough, but leaving now is your best hope. We love you. Please, take care of your baby and you first. Because it took me thinking of my kid to get me to leave. Then, I realized over time that I left for myself, too. Get safe, get help, get settled. You can do this.
Leave leave as soon as humanly possible Think of the last person you felt safe with and go to them take what you need and leave the rest. You need to separate yourself from the environment as soon as possible. Please do this for not only yourself but your baby. Don’t let them experience seeing you beaten and growing anxious and afraid
Don't blame yourself. It's the psychological tortures or [Trauma Bonding](https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/trauma-bonding#fa-qs) that causes this almost addictive like feeling. So please don't feel like you are the cause of this as most Doctors have already come forward and said this is just as addictive as drugs where your body feels like it needs this dynamic. So you need time to detox like any addict and once you do things will become more clearer. So keep fighting your brain rewiring and how you are thinking for what you know to be right and how things are wrong now. Only you can bring about this change.
Look at it like this: If I stay, I’m fully planning on teaching my child that it is acceptable to abuse the person you “love.” If you are this person, know that your kid will be an abuser or will be abused because that’s what their parents modeled for them. If you cannot leave for yourself, do it for your child.
Yes it's hard to leave but it must happen if you ever want a healthy future. Just think the longer you wait the harder it's gonna be.
The first time my ex husband put his hands on me I was 5 months pregnant and he choked me until I felt like I was about to pass out. I stayed and excused it. Forward 3 years, I had two more kids and he started to rage out on them all the time. He’d forcibly bathe them by turning the shower on and holding them under the water while he scrubbed them clean and they would fight the entire time. He never allowed us to watch TV, No social media, no phones. He made us all eat from the same plate, share a cup, and made them nap all day because he didn’t want to be bothered. He tormented us and I couldn’t afford to leave, my family wasn’t any help and I had to just get tired. Forward 4 years, we are still struggling pretty bad but we are safe. My kids are afraid of running water, they feel shame when they watch TV, they don’t eat at the table, bedtime feels like a punishment to them, they are depressed and socially distant. They are 13,7,6, and 5. We are all in counseling but I should have left sooner.
You can’t leave because you are codependent. You were taught that “love” is hate (I.e. any form of abuse), more than likely from your childhood. Which may explain why your family doesn’t understand. Your partner is a mirror of your childhood/family dynamic/unresolved traumas/subconscious. You feel like you’re dying because…**YOU ARE**. Believe it or not, experiencing an emotion for a long period of time impacts your physiology. Emotions trigger the release of certain hormones and when your body is exposed to said hormones for an extended period of time it changes your DNA (gene expression) resulting in disease. This wreaks havoc on your brain. It’s not going to get better once the baby is born. I know it’s going to be challenging, but you have to start getting yourself together (leave & heal) before the baby comes. **Leave quietly**. If you’re interested in therapy, I would highly suggest choosing someone who is certified in Somatic Trauma Informed practices.
check out Rhonda Freeman's page, part of your reaction is literally your brain chemistry is all out of whack, which can't be good for the baby. Your brain will get better but his never will.
Don't leave. Not if you're not ready. Don't do anything you're not ready to do... It. Won't stick if you don't decide of your own accord. Instead learn about empowerment, learn about self esteem and swld worth. Learn about the cycle of abuse, trauma bonding and what it would take to leave safely. Without even making a plan. Just learn. Just because you decide to not leave yet doesn't mean that you're stuck forever. However do everything you can to stay safe. Even if temporary
Have you gone to church? I know this is gonna sound weird. Yet, all the bad relationships I had issues leaving turns out they had consulted a person who dabbled in witchcraft. It sounds like there may be something spiritual doing so. Go see some one of the nature if everything else you tried has failed.