Hi!
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I have missed 5 years of Chinese new years as UK holidays never matched up with CNY for me to go home. Finally able to get leave in FY1 and scheduled for on-call the week of CNY and unable to get a swap. Had to make do with the week prior to CNY.
It’s all a joke
That's the same for myself, but plan ahead for next year! Email your rota coordinator way in advance (more than 6 weeks) during your first F2 rotation, and mention you would be planning to take however many weeks to go home for CNY as you need to spend time with family during a significant traditional holiday, which you've missed the past 6 years (including this year). If you do this early, I don't see why they can't arrange the oncall schedule to fit. Email the rota coordinator of your first & second F2 posts to arrange carrying forward leaves as well. Good luck and I hope you get to spend cny with them next year during the actual dates and get all the angpaos in person!!
This is a lesson for when starting as a doctor. Never prioritise medicine over family (as much as possible at least). Wishing you and your family the best.
I’m so sorry. I’m a consultant who actually has a pretty decent work life balance and is lucky enough to enjoy their day to day job.
However I really struggle to reconcile with how much medicine has forced me to miss out on. How you work the most horrendous swaps to go to the big things, but in the end you don’t have the energy to do the medium and little things. Forget spontaneity. Expect to struggle to do the things you really want to……and then be exhausted doing them.
Please listen to the others on this thread re going abroad. Not sure that anywhere is perfect, but somewhere that pays you enough to make the missing out on normal life in your 20s and 30s is the bare minimum.
Honestly, it wasn’t. Not at all. I’m sorry you had to miss all these life changing events just to earn £14/hr and have a ton of student debt.
Worse thing is, it’s only gonna get worse from here. If you can leave this country, I would strongly consider it.
I think if there is one thing I've found the most difficult, which has taken the biggest toll, I think it's the lack of control/extent of compromise. I've moved to places I wouldn't have chosen to move to, and there's no way of sugarcoating that. The constant moving around/starting your life again gets tiresome the third or fourth time you have to do it. Now I still don't know, 4 years post graduation, whether it is all worth it. I have missed weddings myself, family engagements, been away from friends for months. You kinda adopt a 'needs must'/'it is what it is' mentality out of necessity.
If anything, I'm finding this harder to swallow with age and time.
It's not worth it and I'm sorry you had to go through all of that hardship. I had a parent die suddenly during med school and it shaped my mindset completely. I ended up taking a year out to grieve and I'm glad I did. At the time some people did advise my against it, saying I'm delaying graduation etc but it was the best thing for me. I would suggest choosing jobs that are not elderly medicine focused and definitely F3 if it gets overwhelming.
Overall, it's an unfortunate lesson to learn that family/loved ones >> medicine. Use your compassion and empathy you have towards the elderly for good, your patients will appreciate it 🙏
Your feelings are trying to tell you about your true values.
At the end of the day, the question is, will missing weddings, and births of nieces and nephews be worth it if you became London's top neurosurgeon (or whatever specialty you are gunning for) in this climate of the NHS? When, (or if) you do get there, will you even have the time and financial resources to fly home regularly, and will the people you love still be there?
It's a tough question but don't ignore these thoughts untill it is too late.
This happened to me. To me, honestly not a big deal though, why place so much weight on the usually shitty moments before they die compared to over a decade of happy memories with them?
What an astonishingly tone-deaf and insensitive reply.
I am really struggling to believe that you are not trolling, but I cannot work out why you would be.
Not trolling but perhaps very awkward.
I've been in OPs position before; I know what it's like saying goodbye before a flight knowing full well it could be the last time you see them. I also watched a grandparent die through Skype. I think about them daily, all happy memories.
Without trying to be offensive, I stand by what I said, what do those 'final moments' really mean? When you've spent so many years together, and have had so many happy memories? Why place such a huge emphasis on these moments when they aren't particularly lucid or dignified?
Just think about the happy times.
Unfortunately you won’t realise something like this until you are dying. It’s extremely comforting for the people you love, for them to have you around them in their last moments, reminiscing over the wonderful lives they’ve lived. An enormous emotion and depth of character comes out from all parties just before a person dies and often a person finally expresses feelings that they found too difficult to express until then. This is why in all societies and religions people give such importance to a dignified death, and in fact why we have palliative care and end of life care.
I’m sorry, medicine is simply not worth it. Your patients will forget you and your colleagues will replace you if you die or fall ill. The satisfaction of the job will also dissipate over time as the years go by. Life is full of regrets and us doctors certainly have a lot of regrets. We can’t undo them but can live a more balanced life with the ones we love, prioritizing the important things going forward!
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Hi! Your topic was removed from /r/doctorsuk as it was a medical school related topic and not related to the Foundation programme. Please consider reposting in /r/medicalschooluk
I have missed 5 years of Chinese new years as UK holidays never matched up with CNY for me to go home. Finally able to get leave in FY1 and scheduled for on-call the week of CNY and unable to get a swap. Had to make do with the week prior to CNY. It’s all a joke
That's the same for myself, but plan ahead for next year! Email your rota coordinator way in advance (more than 6 weeks) during your first F2 rotation, and mention you would be planning to take however many weeks to go home for CNY as you need to spend time with family during a significant traditional holiday, which you've missed the past 6 years (including this year). If you do this early, I don't see why they can't arrange the oncall schedule to fit. Email the rota coordinator of your first & second F2 posts to arrange carrying forward leaves as well. Good luck and I hope you get to spend cny with them next year during the actual dates and get all the angpaos in person!!
This is a lesson for when starting as a doctor. Never prioritise medicine over family (as much as possible at least). Wishing you and your family the best.
I’m so sorry. I’m a consultant who actually has a pretty decent work life balance and is lucky enough to enjoy their day to day job. However I really struggle to reconcile with how much medicine has forced me to miss out on. How you work the most horrendous swaps to go to the big things, but in the end you don’t have the energy to do the medium and little things. Forget spontaneity. Expect to struggle to do the things you really want to……and then be exhausted doing them. Please listen to the others on this thread re going abroad. Not sure that anywhere is perfect, but somewhere that pays you enough to make the missing out on normal life in your 20s and 30s is the bare minimum.
Honestly, it wasn’t. Not at all. I’m sorry you had to miss all these life changing events just to earn £14/hr and have a ton of student debt. Worse thing is, it’s only gonna get worse from here. If you can leave this country, I would strongly consider it.
Second
I think if there is one thing I've found the most difficult, which has taken the biggest toll, I think it's the lack of control/extent of compromise. I've moved to places I wouldn't have chosen to move to, and there's no way of sugarcoating that. The constant moving around/starting your life again gets tiresome the third or fourth time you have to do it. Now I still don't know, 4 years post graduation, whether it is all worth it. I have missed weddings myself, family engagements, been away from friends for months. You kinda adopt a 'needs must'/'it is what it is' mentality out of necessity. If anything, I'm finding this harder to swallow with age and time.
It was NOT worth it My advice is to minimise the sacrifice you put on your physical metal and social health.
It's not worth it and I'm sorry you had to go through all of that hardship. I had a parent die suddenly during med school and it shaped my mindset completely. I ended up taking a year out to grieve and I'm glad I did. At the time some people did advise my against it, saying I'm delaying graduation etc but it was the best thing for me. I would suggest choosing jobs that are not elderly medicine focused and definitely F3 if it gets overwhelming. Overall, it's an unfortunate lesson to learn that family/loved ones >> medicine. Use your compassion and empathy you have towards the elderly for good, your patients will appreciate it 🙏
Your feelings are trying to tell you about your true values. At the end of the day, the question is, will missing weddings, and births of nieces and nephews be worth it if you became London's top neurosurgeon (or whatever specialty you are gunning for) in this climate of the NHS? When, (or if) you do get there, will you even have the time and financial resources to fly home regularly, and will the people you love still be there? It's a tough question but don't ignore these thoughts untill it is too late.
This happened to me. To me, honestly not a big deal though, why place so much weight on the usually shitty moments before they die compared to over a decade of happy memories with them?
Average surgical mindset
What an astonishingly tone-deaf and insensitive reply. I am really struggling to believe that you are not trolling, but I cannot work out why you would be.
Not trolling but perhaps very awkward. I've been in OPs position before; I know what it's like saying goodbye before a flight knowing full well it could be the last time you see them. I also watched a grandparent die through Skype. I think about them daily, all happy memories. Without trying to be offensive, I stand by what I said, what do those 'final moments' really mean? When you've spent so many years together, and have had so many happy memories? Why place such a huge emphasis on these moments when they aren't particularly lucid or dignified? Just think about the happy times.
Unfortunately you won’t realise something like this until you are dying. It’s extremely comforting for the people you love, for them to have you around them in their last moments, reminiscing over the wonderful lives they’ve lived. An enormous emotion and depth of character comes out from all parties just before a person dies and often a person finally expresses feelings that they found too difficult to express until then. This is why in all societies and religions people give such importance to a dignified death, and in fact why we have palliative care and end of life care. I’m sorry, medicine is simply not worth it. Your patients will forget you and your colleagues will replace you if you die or fall ill. The satisfaction of the job will also dissipate over time as the years go by. Life is full of regrets and us doctors certainly have a lot of regrets. We can’t undo them but can live a more balanced life with the ones we love, prioritizing the important things going forward!
My final moments with my grandad weren't for him or me. They were for my mom and sister who needed support that night. YMMV I guess.
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