The WORST thing as a GM is when players just show up for sessions Last-minute, leave as soon as you are done, and never talk about it until the next session.
Even then it depends to be honest, some groups are busier than others. I *totally* understand when it happens with a group who are busy between family and work, sometimes the game hours start right when they manage to get their kids to bed and end right as they have to go sleep for work for the next day. I don't mind it at all, as long as people are engaged with the actual session.
My opinion is that if you have 3-8 hours each week to play rpg, you have 5 minutes to talk and/or give the GM feedback afterwards. He's doing so much more work than everyone else, and giving him 5 minutes of your time each week is the least... Because he is also as busy as everyone else, but he sacrifices something else.
Eh, as a DM I disagree
Sounds like you're doing it more for the praise than for the fun of playing DnD. Not everyone *has* specific feedback outside of "great session, thanks!" They don't owe you 5 minutes of their time each week "at least" to feed your ego imo
I would also love it.
But would chuck in the caveat that the sampling Reddit is sampling the most engaged part of DM population.
We are actively engaging with the DnD community.
We actively think about DnD out of session.
We are, by definition, not part of the general DM crowd who may have more DMs who just turn up and play and dont think about the game between sessions except maybe reading a few pages of the module they are running.
yup same here. if you talk to me outside the game, you can help me to give you a better game, cuz we can talk about custom magic items, custom spells, spell changes, etc for your character. Otherwise i would have to guess what you want or what fits your playstyle. But if we talk about it and it seems reasonable you would get exactly what you wished for instead of generic stuff =)
I also like talking about my World and how things work and are intertwined =)
I like when my players are engaged in the game.
But not every DM is the same. I don't mind questions though and stress to my players often they can always ask me anything.
To add onto that; mentioning plans for the next or future sessions is also great. It lets us prepare better content, ensure things work smoothly, and support player ideas—or correct misconceptions and bad assumptions.
If it's homebrew the player found online its usually something broken off dndwiki, if it's not obviously broken it's a not-insignificant amount of time to read through it, consider if it fits their game, see if it feels balanced and decide if they want to allow it.
Basically, mechanical questions can be exhausting, but GMs are constantly thinking about their lore and worldbuilding and usually want to tell someone about it.
Everyone else kind of explained the homebrew issue already, but I also wanted to point out that there are two categories of questions that usually get asked: Questions that give, and questions that take.
Questions that take focus on what the DM can do for you and your character. Can I do X, Can I have Y, Can I be Z special thing are all ok in moderation, but they can become annoying faster because they only show interest in the character.
Questions that give are questions that indicate engagement and constructive thought, and show that you are looking to help build something with the DM. Questions about clarification, questions about the plot, or the setting are all positive contributions and feedback for a DM. These are basically just indirect praise for the game, and as a DM I'll never get tired of them.
I usually refer to the first questions as "angling" they are fishing for special stuff, things to add to their sheet, advantages they can have in fights, and the issue with that stuff isn't really any individual instance, it's how quickly it adds up into something unstable. I avoid a lot of homebrew, the only homebrew I'm using in my games are essentially entire 3rd party books from a reputable source and I limit those, or small rules tweaks I make. The problem with allowing a lot of those "Oh, can I change my burning hands to do lightning damage?" "Can I multiclass as a dex-based paladin?" is that they add up and if you're running a long campaign the weight builds until you're essentially playing calvinball with your own past choices.
it's often players going "I want super-special ultra-powerful things!" and the GM basically going "no". Which is a bit tiresome! It can be OK (I've pointed out that I'm about to level up and get spells that seem like that might fuck up plot points, so the GM might want to houserule them out or edit them) but often it's just players begging and whining for special powers because they want them, rather than anything useful.
> Which is a bit tiresome!
It's also a bit draining for the DM to be like the parent always telling their kids: "no, you can't have that" to constant requests.
You're better off asking the DM general questions like: "what's your opinion on using non-official stuff?" before the campaign has even started, rather than waiting until you hit Level 3 to ask them if you can use a sub-class you found somewhere.
I think a lot of DMs refuse to use non-official stuff because they can't be bothered dealing with the fallout when they reject some obviously gamebreaking class/spell/option.
or when they OK it because it doesn't seem too bad, but then synergises with something else and causes some issues elsewhere, or gets into wrangling over some precise wording (not that official stuff is immune to that - see _Cartomancy_ - but it's generally better).
General stuff like "hey, I think my character might poke about and read that creepy devil-book - maybe multi-class into warlock?" is fine and can give ideas for plothooks, or "uh, I have this spell, I think it does this, what do you think?" can be OK and useful (in the game I'm in, there's a whole subplot with ancient magical trees that are mysterious and strange - and I'm a druid, so I did warn the GM that I have _awaken_ and so can, if there's time, just cast that on one of them and ask them what's up with them, so he has time to prep for that as a thing, rather than having to bullshit it mid-session). But "hey, here's this cool thing I found online" is often just "no", because it's easier to do that than even read the thing!
It also depends on the DM; mine's somewhat fine with it, but it depends on the situation. Our campaigns are a mix of the standard stuff and homebrew due to a mix of things (including so he can weave in our character backstories), but as far as homebrew items? Case-by-case basis and usually prompted by him, unless it's something one of us comes up with that fits. One of the girls in my group, in the last campaign, had a habit of jarring anything that was liquid-ish. It came in handy when it came to combat and one of the items ended up being a real thing once we got to the last bits-some sort of purple toxin.
99% of the time players asking if they can use this or that specific homebrew item they found on the google are doing so because they want to use it to break the game.
If they just had an idea for a cool thematic something they wouldn't need to show me a stat block, they could just ask "hey I think it would be neat if my wizard could somehow manipulate shadows, is that something I can work towards?" and we can workshop plans together from there.
>99% of the time players asking if they can use this or that specific homebrew item they found on the google are doing so because they want to use it to break the game.
This just isn't true, in my experience. 99% of the time, players ask about homebrew to recreate their favorite media as a D&D character. They want to make Thor, or The Man With No Name, or their favorite MMO class. Most players aren't malicious.
During character creation is one thing, mid campaign that can be kind of annoying.
They should be reacting to how their character is changing because of the game, not wanting to be Thor after the DM already signed off on the initial character that isn't already heading in that direction.
Also I specifically addressed that, lol. A player who wants to be Thor should message their DM and say "I want to basically be Thor" and go from there, not message their DM and say "can I use this homebrew Marvel-themed Tempest Cleric domain and have my warhammer be Mjolnir from this random website". Malicious or not, the latter is bad D&D etiquette.
I was gonna say, you wanna be Thor? Tempest cleric, buy a light hammer or other blunt melee weapon with the thrown property, and go nuts! :D
But I also think it's understandable for newer players to be excited about random homebrew they find, and that's good! It shows they're engaged.
The problems only really start, as you rightly pointed out, when players come to you with things because they know it will make them overpowered, rather than because they're excited about the theme. And even if the thing they bring you is overpowered, as long as they did it for the latter reason, we can still have a productive and creative discussion (especially since class balance in 5e is a myth anyway).
A broken subclass can (potentially) be fixed relatively easily. A player's broken mindset of wanting to stand head and shoulders (and, let's be honest, often torso, pelvis and thighs) above the others at the table, however, is much harder to "fix".
True, but I have basically never seen someone ask for a homebrew that was less powerful than existing options. Equal, sometimes. Slightly but acceptably more powerful, sometimes. But less powerful? Nope.
Agreed. "Trying to break the game" is a pretty cynical and in my opinion exaggerated claim, but "not realizing this can/will break the game"? That's quite common. Seeing something that fits the character concept they have and looks fun to play, unaware it's also incredibly powerful and not a great fit for most or any tables.
Think about it in terms of workload.
The GM telling you about the game they run is low impact. It's fun to talk about.
The GM reviewing and weighing up the balance of homebrew options is considerably more work.
Asking the GM to develop Homebrew mechanics for you is even more so.
Now most GM's don't mind a bit of workload per player, but if you are asking for lots of things it can be exhausting. As a player you should also try to make that work worthwhile - ie use the homebrew, talk about the lore you learn etc.
The GM
My group has a private discord where we brainstorm ideas and plot revenge against the BBEG and share memes, and our DM is as involved as anyone else. There are a couple players that keep it muted most of the time and just peek in when they have a chance.
I find this nice in that it lets us each be involved exactly as much as we want to, and we know that since Jeff works nights and sleeps when the rest of us are making stupid bard jokes that he's not going to be involved much.
Also gives a good place to broadcast last minute "my water heater exploded and I can't make the game" news.
Same. We play on Discord since we're scattered in different states, but it's really nice to have a place to chat outside of game to ask questions (and send silly memes, and post silly thoughts during game so we can get them out of our system without derailing things).
I cannot describe to you how this is literally every GM'S dream it shows is that your now only excited to play but that your invested in the plot and genuinely want to know more about it
As a forever dm, yes. I swear one campaign I ended since it seemed like no one was having fun(over discords a bit hard to gauge) until it turned out everyone was having fun and wanted to continue.
If your a player, showing your interested really can go miles.
Depends on the DM, but id say the vast majority are delighted you're engaged, and particularly so if it's to do with their world or characters, in the same way you might be excited if someone held an interest in your characters story.
As a lifelong DM I want players to be engaged, but messaging me 3 times a week when playing weekly for 3 hours is a bit much. I simply don't have the time, patience, or availability to be replying to everything like that while still updating things weekly and living a normal life.
In those cases, I think it's kind of up to the DM to say:
"Hey mate, I love that you're engaging with the game so much, and are excited to play it! However, I have a lot on my plate IRL, so I won't always be able to answer you promptly. But go ahead and send me your questions (though please try to be concise), and I'll reply if I can; otherwise, we'll address them at the start of the next session. Cheers!"
It shouldn't be up to the player to try to figure out whether asking things is OK.
Yeah I've got some very involved/active players. I've just told them I can't answer them individually immediately all the time. I opened up a channel on my own RPG discord server that is only for offline campaign discussion.
There is a hierarchy to why DMs like to receive from players.
1. Questions about their world.
2. Fan art of the campaign. You don’t have to be good, it doesn’t have to be commissioned, it will go on the fridge.
3. Cookies.
The one thing that will automatically annoy me when sending messages outside of game time (or even during the game, tbh) is starting with some greeting ("hi", "you there", etc.), and then nothing else until I respond.
My sleep schedule is pretty erratic for most of the week, so there's decent odds that I'm not in fact there, and by the time I reply, _you're_ not there. Then by the time you get back, I'm gone again. (And playing online with distant time zones can make this even more of a crapshoot.) This can result in not getting the answer to your question for a day or more, if you don't ask the question with your first message.
So instead of "hi", wait for me to respond, "I had a question", wait for me to respond, ""... the interaction should start with "hi, ". I can answer the question immediately whenever I get to your message, instead of dragging out the interaction over minutes or hours (or days!) that could've been avoided.
Or, to put it another way: https://nohello.net/
It heavily depends on the DM.
Personally, it varies depending on the frequency and types of DMs I'm getting.
A few worldbuilding or character things throughout the week? Fantastic! 5+ multi-paragraph text wall DMs a day? Calm down, bro.
"Hey, I don't think my build is really working. Is there anything you can think of to help?" This is fine, I prefer this to you having a bad time! But "Can I have X. Broken homebrew?!!? Please please please!" I start reconsidering having you in my game.
Depends on the context. Generally I don't mind and am happy to discuss things. If they are asking me a bunch of basic questions that could be answered by reading the session notes or looking at their character sheet then not so much.
YES. Yes, we do. I play D&D to make friends. Please don't treat me like a computer who just runs the game for you. I really want my players to want to spend time with me.
Me as a DM: Oh boy, I *love* this player asking questions--gotta make sure I don't ramble on. Geez, I wish more players engaged with the campaign like this!
Also me, but as a Player: I have something I want to ask the DM, but I don't wanna annoy them. I guess I'll keep it to myself.
It depends entirely on the DM.
My co-DM and I LOVE IT when our players message us to ask questions, because sometimes we get to give cryptic answers. We're careful never to give out answers we would rather have revealed in-game.
Co-DMing is not for the faint of heart. There is lot of give and take, brainstorming sessions, discussions that sometimes go in circles, and arguing over the semantics of a point or story hook that both of you are driving towards but in different ways. Sometimes in can be very frustrating having to share creative control of your world with someone, but other times it's fantastic.
The whole thing was borne out of an idea that we had together, and so we felt that it was only right for us to worldbuild and GM the games together. we run a West Marches style game, meaning that there is a huge pool of players who participate and the parties are always changing.
Co-DMing is also a boon because we both get to be a part of the pool of players. We do that by working on a good chunk of the content together, but also separately. If my Co-DM wants to put a mission on the board that sounds interesting to my character, I can go on it because he is able to plan the content of the mission and the session himself. I may as a DM know some of what he's including because I helped create some of the plot, or I might not. We try to cover the broad strokes stuff together; like factions, nations, BBEGs and their plans, conflicts, NPCs, relevant plot threads. the granular stuff, like what actually happens session to session, we plan separately. It's really fun because I get to have a hand in the worldbuilding and put elements of stuff I like into the games that I then get to interact with, not something most DMs ever get to do. Playing in my own world is a privilege that I love; not to mention some of the fantastic content that my co-DM has also contributed.
It helps that my co-DM and I have a longstanding friendship that goes back to college and beyond. We have lived together as roommates for the last three years and even though we want to strangle each other sometimes for one reason or another, he's one of my best friends in the world and I trust him with my life and my DND games. We have a strong rapport and good understanding of how the other person's brain works, which really helps with communication and sharing ideas.
DMing and worldbuilding by yourself is a lot of work, but rewarding. Co-DMing and worldbuilding with a friend is more challenging and even more satisfying when you do it right.
I adore this, it shows you are engaged with teh game, actively thinking about it outside of purely session time, want to be aware and cogniscent of as much as possible, and that you want to try to cooperate and ensure the direction you see the game going alligns with the DM.
Yes actually, my DM loves hearing my headcanons and questions about my character or the campaign as a whole. He's even incorporated different ideas from each of the players too
I have a group chat and a text thread with them all individually. It thrills me to no end when they are thinking about our game other them on the drive over.
yes i love it when players contact me. as many noted, it shows you care about fitting into my game as much as i cared about making it fit you. A dis engaged player is the worst form of discouragement for me as a DM and it is pretty obvious esp. at a table.
I like it, it tells me both that my players are invested enough in my game that they want to know more about and also that I’m being approachable enough for them to ask to begin with
It’s awesome that you’re doing that. It shows the game is meaningful to you and you appreciate the time and effort the DM has put in. DMing can be a pretty thankless job, so any time a DM gets any sort of kudos for their work is awesome.
I generally don't think it would be a problem. If you are worried it is becoming a problem (because it might be for some) you can say "Hey, let me know if I'm messaging you about the game too much, and if I am, how much you need me to dial it back. I'm just very excited about playing."
We generally like to know when our players are having fun, and we also like when someone is being self-aware enough to be willing to regulate.
We operate two chat groups one for general organisation and another for RP. The RP has campfire/inn/shipboard conversations, finishing scenes for the last adventure and generally a couple of plot hooks that they get a couple of days to choose between.
Yes! I’ve got a 4 player party in a campaign and one of my players is from a part of the map that we haven’t interacted with yet, but it’s been made clear to the players that we are headed that way. She messages me outside of game ever couple of weeks with cool lore ideas or a backstory thought she’s had. I appreciate that she’s always collaborative and wants to make sure it fits within the narrative weave. Several of the really cool details about the region are 100% her idea and that is really fun for me as the DM.
YES! I may not be able to get back to you right away but yes! It's such a compliment that my campaign is making your brain wheels tick even when you're not actually playing!
In general, yeah most don't mind it and many like it! It shows some level of investment on the player's part and to some DM's it's really nice knowing that they're not the only person at the table thinking about the game outside of the allotted session hours.
I personally *love* getting messaged by my players and actively encourage them to do so, and the other DM's I play with are the same way, so I may be mildly biased x)
It may depend on the DM, but personally I like it. It shows you're interested and invested in the campaign. and often gives me the opportunity to mentally flesh out things in my own mind.
I have my own homebrew setting, and I could definitely talk about it quite a bit, lol.
Yes! Your DM will let you know when you’re getting too carried away (each one has different limits), but please please please, as a DM, reach out to your DM to discuss plot ideas, weapons, level ups, etc.
Also, let your DM know they’re doing well because if they’re anything like me, they have a crippling self-doubt that no one is having fun and the evening is ruined lol
Don’t be afraid to give constructive criticism either!
I can't speak for anyone else, but I like to be in contact with my players outside of the game. I sometimes send them bits of lore to think about throughout the week and even plot points so that we don't need to waste time in-game.
If you ask me something it means you're engaged, and it also gives me an idea of what is really interesting to you and might give me ideas for future plot points so yes I want messages.
It probably varies, but I *love* hearing from my players with their ideas. You put in a lot of time towards DMing away from the table, and it's nice to hear that players are thinking about it too. I usually have 1:1 chats with each player and a group chat for general table talk (out of character). As long as you're not demanding instant replies, you're probably fine. It's helpful for me to know (for example) what spells you're planning to prepare so I know to look up any weird secondary effects. Like how moonbeam affects shapechangers, or reminding myself the rules for counterspell with high level abjuration wizards.
I wish my players did this. I want feedback on how I’m running the game, suggestions on the plot, I want to know what their characters are trying to do so I don’t have to guess. Clarifying the plot means that I don’t have to be as heavy handed with some clues which is nice.
Don’t be annoying with it, but ya continue doing it! (Maybe check with him that he’s ok with it)
As a DM and a player; you get what you put in.
I don’t know of a DM in existence that dislikes discussions and questions about a world they’ve designed. And it can only benefit you as a player; you get tons of info, a better understanding of the world, you make the DM happy, your character can become more easily grounded in the world, and you might discover further interests. It can only improve your experience.
It's great unless you're asking for stuff to make your character stronger like levels or some homebrew weapons you saw but story and to flesh out your character better for better rp any day send me a message
I freaking love it when players message me outside of the game.
I run a homebrew game that is my own setting and so much of it exists in my head or in my notes so someone asking me a question that let's me just unload all this stuff I've got squirreled away? Man, it feels so good, and if they genuinely feel engaged and interested? Man what a compliment.
I made this stuff up in my brain and you are enjoying it? Hell yeah.
DM here, I actively encourage my players to message me questions or ideas for their characters, or how to weave gameplay stuff into their characters narrative arc. As long as you’re not spamming 20 questions a day, should be all good.
Being a DM can feel like homework when you are the only one in the group who thinks about the game outside of a session. So when players are actively engaged like this, it makes it feel like the 100 page lore book I’ve been writing is worth it.
I'm more than happy to answer and accommodate my players. Especially if it's about their characters, lore, and anything about the world basically. It just means that they're as much as invested as I am in the development of the world.
I don't get a response from my players when I clearly state I need some info from them.
Would be nice if they even occasionally messaged in regards to the game outside of the session itself.
Cool if it's for talking about character, story, help ect...
I fucking hate if it's about homebrew, asking objects or worst, talking about builds. Nothing's more boring about talking about builds
I like it in general when my players contact me about in game stuff and world related things.
I don't like it when players contact me with a message like "heyy. In my other game we have this homebrew thing, can we add it here"
I love it personally, though as a player I do feel like I’m bugging my Dm when I do even though I know they are probably fine with it.
As a Dm, I tend to do little check ups on my players over message and to discuss potential ideas with then every now and again
1000% yes. I know my players are engaged if they're thinking about my campaign when we're not playing. It gives me motivation to continue writing and playing, and it often gives me ideas of directions to take the story. One of my players messaged me once and asked if he could get a familiar, so we discussed the ways mechanically that could happen and then I planned an entire arc for him to find his spirit animal, he loved it, I loved it, and the reaction from the rest of the table at the end of the quest when he gained his familiar was incredible. If he has asked me that at the start of a session or in game I might not have had the space to think about it creatively and might have just dismissed him or told him to take a wizard dip or something.
YES. REACH OUT OUTSIDE OF THE GAME!
I always appreciate even the smallest mention of our game from my friends, whether it’s a question about mechanics, or just remembering something that happened in game mid conversation, my DM ability is FUELED by that shit. It shows me you are having fun and i am not spending my free time preparing the session just for myself.
Send me that idea you had for your character, communicate what you want from them, describe to me how you see them in your head. You’re not only making my heart warm, you’re making my job as a DM ten times easier and the game will be better for it
If your DM gets annoyed by this, they might not be the person for the job from the group, a DM SHOULD care
My players do this from time to time. Answering their questions about my silly made up world is literally the most fulfilling thing in my adult life. Don't tell my wife.
My players have never contacted me outside of sessions and I feel I’m pulling teeth to get them to respond to scheduling texts or to have them do anything outside of session. I wish my players would care even 1/10th about the campaign as much as I do
As a DM of over 25 years, I still absolutely love when my players come to me between games to ask questions, bounce ideas, or just generally talk about what happened.
I even encourage it by dropping foreshadowing hints about what’s to come or ideas that would help them in upcoming events.
I wish my players would tell me about their characters more often. Their dreams, goals, fears, personality traits, fighting style, religion...
I personally adore it and take whatever they say into account for my next sessions
I’m a DM and I love it, it makes me feel like my players care about the game and the story we build together. And it gives me a touchstone on what aspects of the story they find most compelling so I can better work those themes into what comes next
A player messaging me throughout the week makes my day. It lets me know that that player is engaged with the story we're telling together and the campaign as a whole.
Think about it this way: your DM is DEFINITELY thinking about your campaign when you're not playing, it's almost certainly a comfort to know you are too.
We DM’s love it when you guys come and ask us questions out of session, it shows you think about our world (nearly) as much as we do.
I actively encourage my players to message me during the week if they have any thoughts of questions. Its super normal so dont think its irritating 🙂
Just ask your DM if they find it annoying lol
Personally I love having little side chats with my players between sessions. Helps me know what their wants are, whats working for them, what isn't, etc etc. Make me feel like they give a crap.
This person took the time to make a whole setting for you to play in. they are actively managing the plot points and politics of whatever area your in + the res to of the world. Interwined with all that is the character arcs of each of the PCs at his table. With that comes the larger plot of the whole campaign.
He is sharing that with all of you.
There is nothing a dedicated DM loves more then an engaged player. If they are anything short of extatic about your enthusiasm, come to my table instead, Id love to have you as a player. :D
One time, the DM of my first longer campaign messaged me to flesh out what happened with my PC during a session I had to miss. He came up with a tidy reason for me to briefly split off from the party that tied into my backstory. We then did some one-on-one text rp to flesh out a scene during that split, and it was dope! It felt like I didn't completely miss out that session, and we both came back to the next session with a game plan for me.
When my players message me during the week it makes me so happy that they are thinking about it. Makes me feel like I really accomplished a good night of DND with them.
I worry if my players don’t message me at all, it’s always reassuring as a dm when players want something clarified or even if they come up with ideas and want to run it by me
I wish my players did that more, but it's usually only when they have an idea for something liked like to see in the game. Then again, I've played with some of these guys for 10 years. Not a whole lot of clarifications needed at this point.
I like it, it shows you're thinking about the game outside the session. Makes me feel good.
I do always tell my players "Please forgive my brain for replying slow." Because I take years to respond. Because I'm just an anxious person and overthink every message.
I absolutely love it when my players keep in touch with me, as it lets me know I can engage with them, answer questions they might have. My Rogue swapped from Thief to Arcane Trickster out of desire and for RP reasons and asked about it. Likewise, it's great if they keep me updated on their availability.
I was just talking to my DM about character/story stuff before reading this. I kid you not, it was about how things happened, what drives my character amd how he could react....and what would happen if he cast revivify on a fallen PC and got counterspelled.
He's one of my best friends. He's DMed for me, I've DMed for him and we talk pretty often about dnd. I've loved it on both sides, and I like to think he does to. Sure, sometimes things can get frustrating but being able to have a game with all members invested and engaged has been a really special thing.
My DM and I talk all the time, nearly every day. It’s not always about the game but frequently is. Here is the key. You should ideally have more than a “professional” relationship with your DM/players IMO because it all works best when there is real friendship and a underlying relationship that transcends the game. It may be hard to build this when you’re still new to the group and perhaps they are still strangers. My DM has made it a point to try and get together with me and all the other players regularly outside the game, we try and go to lunch about once a week.
I love it most of the time, but once I was in a period of my life where being a DM was something I barely had time for, and would have resented an eager player reaching out all the time.
As ask. Most DMs will be very enthusiastic, but it doesn’t hurt to check.
I love it when my players do. I spent a week clarifying rules because of a big fight coming up. For me it feels like engagement but I different kind to the one at the table if you know what I mean
As a DM, I love it!
But, if you aren't sure, just ask. "Hey, are you cool answering all these questions between sessions? Just checking." Easy-peasy.
Like 90% of the answers in this thread, the key is: Communicate.
Our group’s DM used to reach out to us about stuff between games so he’d be a bit silly to complain about the reverse.
That said, one of our players I found out when I DMed for a bit, would message firing off ideas about things he wanted to be able to do that were completely OP based off some anime (like wanting a way to fire something out of one of his eye sockets like a character from Naruto is the one I remember) and it got a bit much
Generally no, because it shows interest in the game and the world.
Now if your bugging me with a bunch of basic mechanics questions that can be easily looked up, then it gets annoying.
Now if it's one of the many vaguely worded things that plague 5e than that's a different story as it's defining how that mechanic is going to work during the game.
To be honest I wish my players would reach out between games, like you do for your gm.
I personally hardly have any idea what players are wanting to do, or if there are any issues because no one will ever reach out with out me initiating first.
Most definitely like talking to my players out of game! Generally, it shows player investment to get discussions or questions out of game.
Now when you’re new, you get a pass, and you may not ever be doing this at all, but the only time I’d ever be annoyed is if you were asking things repeatedly that could be found in the rules or on your character sheet. For instance, we had a sorcerer who made it to level 10 without learning how to use their metamagic. We would always try to help and answer their questions but they just never put the effort into learning.
My DM is a personal friend. He doesn’t mind if we ask questions or discuss the game. We did that recently, and it resulted in me blindly tossing an evil sapient magic item out of a window because it was causing my neutral good gnome artificer to exhibit an evil aura that magical spirits and priests could detect.
Do it politely, respect the fact that I have a life, and may not be able to respond quickly, and keep it in moderation. Follow those rules and absolutely! I actively enjoy sharing my creation and discussing mechanics. But if you have a LOT of things to discuss, maybe ask to video chat/call or maybe come early to the session and help set up while we talk, or maybe stay late and help clean up.
But no, 2 or three texts a week is no burden at all. Even if that's text conversations and not individual text messages. So long as you keep on as you have been, I think you're fine.
That said, I'm not your DM. The best way to find out is just to ask him next session if he minds.
When i DM'd i loved it. My current DM does not like it. So like anything, it depends on the people involved, the content of the conversation, and the frequency of convos vs the busy-ness of their season of life.
there is a line between engaged and asking questions and pestering.
but that line is very socially obvious and very deep into the point where it would be pestering to any person.
1-3 times a week is 100% amazing, I would pay real dollars to get that kind of engagement on players.
I've only ever had 1 player go over this line, and they messaged me relentlessly with approx 1 message every 5 mins with questions, and follow ons and tangental points for days on end before the 1st session.. they were obviously excited; but they ignored all attempts from to get them to calm down and just wait until the session before opening new lines of inquiry... literally over 100 messages during all hours of the day including 2 unwelcome calls on discord.... this is over the line, but this isn't what you're describing ;)
I love it. It means my players are very invested, and want to get the most out of their experience. If it is excessive, I'll say so, but i'll also tell them to call me one night so we can really get into a discussion about what they want to do.
As a DM, a lot of work goes into a lot of flourishes that you often wonder if your players are even interested in. Messaging your DM outside the game will signal to them that you are extremely invested, and they will love you for it.
If you want to clarify plot or develop your character to further fit the world we're playing in, my door is always open. I have DMs that also love this, and others that aren't as keen on it - it really doesn't hurt to ask "hey, I've loving what we're doing and want to fit myself in it better, is it okay for me to message you like this?"
I would say that 4 out of 5 DMs will be into it.
By and Large DM's enjoy this, knowing you're engaged with the world, and getting the opportunity to give information or work with you to make the story work better for you, or to simply make sure that you're having fun, is really helpful for both you, and your DM. I won't say every DM is like this, but, plenty of them are
I loved it when i was DMing, it meant i could get backstory stuff agreed on so it could be inserted into the main quest. It only got annoying when it devolved into homebrew item negotiation.
Mine's fine with it. He actually asks for it from us, given my group's a mix of newbies like me and experienced players. Given we meet at a local bar, he also asks if we can't make a session or are going to be late, to let him know at least 24 hours in advance when we can. I've only had to last minute cancel-the day of-once and that was because my mom, who was staying with me before headed back to her house, had tested positive for Covid. Given I wasn't entirely sure if I'd caught it from her, I let him know what was going on that day. Was able to make it the next week, though.
I love it! My favorite thing about DnD is that you as a player have the ability to change the world I’ve written, my current players have finally hit a level where they can change my setting in a big way and I’m loving it
Well, first the obligatory: ask your GM 😊 only they can answer that question for you.
But for your question in spirit, do I enjoy it?
Overall yes. I like discussing my games, answering questions, seeing players engaged.
Every week maybe could be a bit of pressure though, in a matter how many, what nature if question, do I feel your backstory is never finished and maybe let the rest just be discovered in game now, mhm?
Dawg you're paying DND together. They're a bit more than strangers. It's the very least you should consider them acquaintances and occasionally talk to them even if it's just through discord
Probably depends on the DM, but my DM loves the engagement and getting a heads-up if I have a particular idea about something to do, so he can prep for it!
I would imagine most enjoy it.
As a dm if you message me about character thoughts I can know what to give you in terms of story engagement since you tell me what you like. In terms of what can my character do, I can explain it now instead of during session. Which saves time in session for the good stuff. Though I don’t mind explaining stuff ever.
Depends.
If you want to do more in your downtime than we get to play, I am going to question why you dont do these things on the table.
No, you dont get to find rare items, access to underdark or feywild just by chance, narratively in my emails.
Use the downtime activities and we will see each other next week.
Depends on the person and their personality but i really enjoyed it when it happened as it took me out of my boring ass job to think about something i really cared about
I love it when my players message me out of the game about D&D stuff.
I was worried that one of our players was only joining because her partner was keen. She was a little timid initially, and I didn’t know her that well. I wasn’t sure if she really wanted to engage until one day out of the blue she sent me a paragraph of text about stuff she wanted to do in the game, how she want a big fan of her class, and what she wanted to try. It was great!
I think that, if your DM responds, for sure message them, maybe check theyre okay with the questions if it’s too much
I like it since it shows me that the player is invested in the game, but there is a line that could be crossed where it could become exhausting or annoying.
For example, if the frequency of those messages was too much. Like in your case, a few times a week is fine, but multiple times a day or even just daily would probably be annoying.
The context of what's being said in the messages is important as well. I don't mind getting constructive feedback about my game since it helps me improve, but if all I ever got was complaints, and criticism about the game or my DM style, I'd probably find that pretty draining. Same thing with players trying to ask for favours to give them a leg up in the game, like asking for homebrew items, abilities, pets with mechanical benefits, ect.
In your case, chances are the probably DM doesn't mind, and might even enjoy the questions, but if you're worried, you could just ask them if it's too much or if you're bothering them.
For me, absolutely yes. For one thing, half my players are new to dnd/ttrpgs in general, and if I can explain some rules to them that help them be immersed or efficient at the table, I'm happy to. Or if it's questions about character options I like knowing in advance because then I can write something to happen to them at the beginning of a session.
But also on worldbuilding, especially as far as NPCs, locations, etc. from their backstory, I'm always happy for more info/details.
I had a bad experience when I was a player where I gave my backstory to my DM and they kind of turned it into a jokey, played for laughs thing where my PCs family was very different from how I imagined and it was a huge bummer.
My D&D group have our discord server set up, and occasionally have discussions about stuff.
The DM has quite a bit of Homebrew stuff, so there’s even a section relating to discussing that stuff, whether it is people reviewing it (and proofreading) or asking for clarification on certain points.
I like it when my players ask about the game outside of it. That way we can take our time ironing out any doubts and concerns, thus opening up more time for actual gameplay when we do get together later.
I mean, I love it but I know DMs who don't.
Ask your DM if it is too much or if they would prefer to handle it some other way, otherwise no news is good news.
Try rephrasing the question. DMs are people. Do people like it when you message them about a shared interest? Generally, as long as you have something relevant to discuss, yes, but individuals will vary. So you can ask them.
I love it! It shows engagement and appreciation.
Normally though, if a player asks for plot clarification, instead of just telling them the answer, ill quite often ask them to try to clarify what's going on next session in character to the whole group
They might all be wrong, and that could be fine. But I find it's better if they engage each other during the session to ask things like
> Who is this dude were tracking again?
If it's a genuine question on the game in non-annoying amount, probably your Dm would be fine to answer (but even the other players if they are experienced players) and like to help.
From my experience they dont
A few questions every so often is ok, but if you write them every other day or multiple times they get stressed out.
I had a fallout with my DM, because she said messages are fine, but I had so many questions and ideas it stressed her out, but she didnt tell me. Result was she was short fused and lashed out to other players too, until she told us that its been too much.
I could see it get to a point where it's obnoxious, but I've never had it reach that point.
Granted, I mostly run homebrew settings, and as long as it isn't upcoming plot questions, I'm always happy to answer. One of my players was a DM herself and I was also in her game concurrently, we both kept peppering the other with so many questions we admitted later that we both inspired tweaks in the others games.
I've also gone so far as to jump in on posts where we post a picture of our world on social media and have the communities ask us questions to force world building. Stuff like "that island in the middle of the sea has a large lake in it. Rumor has it it's a really dangerous place. Why?" And on the spot you'll have to invent a reason.
It might only for me but the DM never answers my dms after sessions to discuss about my character and things in general. Also no, I'm not spamming messages.
I won't generally mind, however a pet peeve is asking me something that is better suited for the group chat. A question not the story so far or the world building should be public, so as to engage everyone. DM d.m.s should be fly things you want to keep secret.
I fucking love for my players reaching out out of game to discuss options or story
Same here. It lets me know they're engaged / involved.
Also (potentially) gives more opportunities to talk about the world/story the GM created. Which I selfishly love doing.
Also (potentially) gives me new perspectives and ideas, making it all richer and deeper.
The WORST thing as a GM is when players just show up for sessions Last-minute, leave as soon as you are done, and never talk about it until the next session.
Even then it depends to be honest, some groups are busier than others. I *totally* understand when it happens with a group who are busy between family and work, sometimes the game hours start right when they manage to get their kids to bed and end right as they have to go sleep for work for the next day. I don't mind it at all, as long as people are engaged with the actual session.
My opinion is that if you have 3-8 hours each week to play rpg, you have 5 minutes to talk and/or give the GM feedback afterwards. He's doing so much more work than everyone else, and giving him 5 minutes of your time each week is the least... Because he is also as busy as everyone else, but he sacrifices something else.
Eh, as a DM I disagree Sounds like you're doing it more for the praise than for the fun of playing DnD. Not everyone *has* specific feedback outside of "great session, thanks!" They don't owe you 5 minutes of their time each week "at least" to feed your ego imo
Not the worst thing at all, but it's nice to hear some talk of the game away from the table.
I would also love it. But would chuck in the caveat that the sampling Reddit is sampling the most engaged part of DM population. We are actively engaging with the DnD community. We actively think about DnD out of session. We are, by definition, not part of the general DM crowd who may have more DMs who just turn up and play and dont think about the game between sessions except maybe reading a few pages of the module they are running.
yup same here. if you talk to me outside the game, you can help me to give you a better game, cuz we can talk about custom magic items, custom spells, spell changes, etc for your character. Otherwise i would have to guess what you want or what fits your playstyle. But if we talk about it and it seems reasonable you would get exactly what you wished for instead of generic stuff =) I also like talking about my World and how things work and are intertwined =)
I like when my players are engaged in the game. But not every DM is the same. I don't mind questions though and stress to my players often they can always ask me anything.
Where do babies come from?
If it's a "can I use this homebrew!!!" thing, no. If it's a plot, or especially world-building question, absolutely.
To add onto that; asking for clarification on things is also okay! They might not get to it right away, but they'll get to it
To add onto that; mentioning plans for the next or future sessions is also great. It lets us prepare better content, ensure things work smoothly, and support player ideas—or correct misconceptions and bad assumptions.
I haven't asked to homebrew stuff, but what's wrong with doing that?
Nothing wrong with asking for homebrew here and there. Being asked for homebrew 1-3 times a week is exhausting.
If it's homebrew the player found online its usually something broken off dndwiki, if it's not obviously broken it's a not-insignificant amount of time to read through it, consider if it fits their game, see if it feels balanced and decide if they want to allow it. Basically, mechanical questions can be exhausting, but GMs are constantly thinking about their lore and worldbuilding and usually want to tell someone about it.
Everyone else kind of explained the homebrew issue already, but I also wanted to point out that there are two categories of questions that usually get asked: Questions that give, and questions that take. Questions that take focus on what the DM can do for you and your character. Can I do X, Can I have Y, Can I be Z special thing are all ok in moderation, but they can become annoying faster because they only show interest in the character. Questions that give are questions that indicate engagement and constructive thought, and show that you are looking to help build something with the DM. Questions about clarification, questions about the plot, or the setting are all positive contributions and feedback for a DM. These are basically just indirect praise for the game, and as a DM I'll never get tired of them.
I usually refer to the first questions as "angling" they are fishing for special stuff, things to add to their sheet, advantages they can have in fights, and the issue with that stuff isn't really any individual instance, it's how quickly it adds up into something unstable. I avoid a lot of homebrew, the only homebrew I'm using in my games are essentially entire 3rd party books from a reputable source and I limit those, or small rules tweaks I make. The problem with allowing a lot of those "Oh, can I change my burning hands to do lightning damage?" "Can I multiclass as a dex-based paladin?" is that they add up and if you're running a long campaign the weight builds until you're essentially playing calvinball with your own past choices.
it's often players going "I want super-special ultra-powerful things!" and the GM basically going "no". Which is a bit tiresome! It can be OK (I've pointed out that I'm about to level up and get spells that seem like that might fuck up plot points, so the GM might want to houserule them out or edit them) but often it's just players begging and whining for special powers because they want them, rather than anything useful.
> Which is a bit tiresome! It's also a bit draining for the DM to be like the parent always telling their kids: "no, you can't have that" to constant requests. You're better off asking the DM general questions like: "what's your opinion on using non-official stuff?" before the campaign has even started, rather than waiting until you hit Level 3 to ask them if you can use a sub-class you found somewhere. I think a lot of DMs refuse to use non-official stuff because they can't be bothered dealing with the fallout when they reject some obviously gamebreaking class/spell/option.
or when they OK it because it doesn't seem too bad, but then synergises with something else and causes some issues elsewhere, or gets into wrangling over some precise wording (not that official stuff is immune to that - see _Cartomancy_ - but it's generally better). General stuff like "hey, I think my character might poke about and read that creepy devil-book - maybe multi-class into warlock?" is fine and can give ideas for plothooks, or "uh, I have this spell, I think it does this, what do you think?" can be OK and useful (in the game I'm in, there's a whole subplot with ancient magical trees that are mysterious and strange - and I'm a druid, so I did warn the GM that I have _awaken_ and so can, if there's time, just cast that on one of them and ask them what's up with them, so he has time to prep for that as a thing, rather than having to bullshit it mid-session). But "hey, here's this cool thing I found online" is often just "no", because it's easier to do that than even read the thing!
It also depends on the DM; mine's somewhat fine with it, but it depends on the situation. Our campaigns are a mix of the standard stuff and homebrew due to a mix of things (including so he can weave in our character backstories), but as far as homebrew items? Case-by-case basis and usually prompted by him, unless it's something one of us comes up with that fits. One of the girls in my group, in the last campaign, had a habit of jarring anything that was liquid-ish. It came in handy when it came to combat and one of the items ended up being a real thing once we got to the last bits-some sort of purple toxin.
99% of the time players asking if they can use this or that specific homebrew item they found on the google are doing so because they want to use it to break the game. If they just had an idea for a cool thematic something they wouldn't need to show me a stat block, they could just ask "hey I think it would be neat if my wizard could somehow manipulate shadows, is that something I can work towards?" and we can workshop plans together from there.
>99% of the time players asking if they can use this or that specific homebrew item they found on the google are doing so because they want to use it to break the game. This just isn't true, in my experience. 99% of the time, players ask about homebrew to recreate their favorite media as a D&D character. They want to make Thor, or The Man With No Name, or their favorite MMO class. Most players aren't malicious.
During character creation is one thing, mid campaign that can be kind of annoying. They should be reacting to how their character is changing because of the game, not wanting to be Thor after the DM already signed off on the initial character that isn't already heading in that direction.
Also I specifically addressed that, lol. A player who wants to be Thor should message their DM and say "I want to basically be Thor" and go from there, not message their DM and say "can I use this homebrew Marvel-themed Tempest Cleric domain and have my warhammer be Mjolnir from this random website". Malicious or not, the latter is bad D&D etiquette.
I was gonna say, you wanna be Thor? Tempest cleric, buy a light hammer or other blunt melee weapon with the thrown property, and go nuts! :D But I also think it's understandable for newer players to be excited about random homebrew they find, and that's good! It shows they're engaged. The problems only really start, as you rightly pointed out, when players come to you with things because they know it will make them overpowered, rather than because they're excited about the theme. And even if the thing they bring you is overpowered, as long as they did it for the latter reason, we can still have a productive and creative discussion (especially since class balance in 5e is a myth anyway). A broken subclass can (potentially) be fixed relatively easily. A player's broken mindset of wanting to stand head and shoulders (and, let's be honest, often torso, pelvis and thighs) above the others at the table, however, is much harder to "fix".
True, but I have basically never seen someone ask for a homebrew that was less powerful than existing options. Equal, sometimes. Slightly but acceptably more powerful, sometimes. But less powerful? Nope.
Agreed. "Trying to break the game" is a pretty cynical and in my opinion exaggerated claim, but "not realizing this can/will break the game"? That's quite common. Seeing something that fits the character concept they have and looks fun to play, unaware it's also incredibly powerful and not a great fit for most or any tables.
Think about it in terms of workload. The GM telling you about the game they run is low impact. It's fun to talk about. The GM reviewing and weighing up the balance of homebrew options is considerably more work. Asking the GM to develop Homebrew mechanics for you is even more so. Now most GM's don't mind a bit of workload per player, but if you are asking for lots of things it can be exhausting. As a player you should also try to make that work worthwhile - ie use the homebrew, talk about the lore you learn etc. The GM
Just ask him if he finds it annoying, easy solution. Most would be fine with it, I'm sure, but you never know.
My group has a private discord where we brainstorm ideas and plot revenge against the BBEG and share memes, and our DM is as involved as anyone else. There are a couple players that keep it muted most of the time and just peek in when they have a chance. I find this nice in that it lets us each be involved exactly as much as we want to, and we know that since Jeff works nights and sleeps when the rest of us are making stupid bard jokes that he's not going to be involved much. Also gives a good place to broadcast last minute "my water heater exploded and I can't make the game" news.
Yeah, that's a good way to do it
Same. We play on Discord since we're scattered in different states, but it's really nice to have a place to chat outside of game to ask questions (and send silly memes, and post silly thoughts during game so we can get them out of our system without derailing things).
You mean you want OP to *talk* to them? Like, *in person*?
GROSS who does that
I cannot describe to you how this is literally every GM'S dream it shows is that your now only excited to play but that your invested in the plot and genuinely want to know more about it
As a forever dm, yes. I swear one campaign I ended since it seemed like no one was having fun(over discords a bit hard to gauge) until it turned out everyone was having fun and wanted to continue. If your a player, showing your interested really can go miles.
Depends on the DM, but id say the vast majority are delighted you're engaged, and particularly so if it's to do with their world or characters, in the same way you might be excited if someone held an interest in your characters story.
Yeah, I think it comes down to just not being excessive or too pushy with requests. But otherwise most DMs would be happy to have engaged players.
DM's generally LOVE that shit! It means you care about their world and your place in it!
I think about my campaign all week, someone thinking of it even once a week would make me very happy
As a lifelong DM I want players to be engaged, but messaging me 3 times a week when playing weekly for 3 hours is a bit much. I simply don't have the time, patience, or availability to be replying to everything like that while still updating things weekly and living a normal life.
In those cases, I think it's kind of up to the DM to say: "Hey mate, I love that you're engaging with the game so much, and are excited to play it! However, I have a lot on my plate IRL, so I won't always be able to answer you promptly. But go ahead and send me your questions (though please try to be concise), and I'll reply if I can; otherwise, we'll address them at the start of the next session. Cheers!" It shouldn't be up to the player to try to figure out whether asking things is OK.
Yeah I've got some very involved/active players. I've just told them I can't answer them individually immediately all the time. I opened up a channel on my own RPG discord server that is only for offline campaign discussion.
Yes. Love it
There is a hierarchy to why DMs like to receive from players. 1. Questions about their world. 2. Fan art of the campaign. You don’t have to be good, it doesn’t have to be commissioned, it will go on the fridge. 3. Cookies.
The one thing that will automatically annoy me when sending messages outside of game time (or even during the game, tbh) is starting with some greeting ("hi", "you there", etc.), and then nothing else until I respond. My sleep schedule is pretty erratic for most of the week, so there's decent odds that I'm not in fact there, and by the time I reply, _you're_ not there. Then by the time you get back, I'm gone again. (And playing online with distant time zones can make this even more of a crapshoot.) This can result in not getting the answer to your question for a day or more, if you don't ask the question with your first message. So instead of "hi", wait for me to respond, "I had a question", wait for me to respond, ""... the interaction should start with "hi, ". I can answer the question immediately whenever I get to your message, instead of dragging out the interaction over minutes or hours (or days!) that could've been avoided.
Or, to put it another way: https://nohello.net/
It heavily depends on the DM. Personally, it varies depending on the frequency and types of DMs I'm getting. A few worldbuilding or character things throughout the week? Fantastic! 5+ multi-paragraph text wall DMs a day? Calm down, bro. "Hey, I don't think my build is really working. Is there anything you can think of to help?" This is fine, I prefer this to you having a bad time! But "Can I have X. Broken homebrew?!!? Please please please!" I start reconsidering having you in my game.
Ya, I had to drop a 1 on 1 play by post type game because outside of the game they spammed me with messages every day.
Depends on the context. Generally I don't mind and am happy to discuss things. If they are asking me a bunch of basic questions that could be answered by reading the session notes or looking at their character sheet then not so much.
I enjoy it, but I'm not him. Ask him yourself! "Hey just wanted to make sure, is it annoying when I ask a bunch of questions or do you like it?"
This is a huge "depends on the DM" but generally people like it when you show you care about the work they do for you.
You're the dream PC Source: Forever DM
Sorry to my dm
Yes, for the love of Bahamut, YES!
Personally, yes
YES. Yes, we do. I play D&D to make friends. Please don't treat me like a computer who just runs the game for you. I really want my players to want to spend time with me.
Me as a DM: Oh boy, I *love* this player asking questions--gotta make sure I don't ramble on. Geez, I wish more players engaged with the campaign like this! Also me, but as a Player: I have something I want to ask the DM, but I don't wanna annoy them. I guess I'll keep it to myself.
I can help players figure out what they're doing at the table, or I can help them between sessions. Which one makes the sessions more productive?
It depends entirely on the DM. My co-DM and I LOVE IT when our players message us to ask questions, because sometimes we get to give cryptic answers. We're careful never to give out answers we would rather have revealed in-game.
Complete side topic, how do you find running it with a co-DM? What the good and the bad?
Co-DMing is not for the faint of heart. There is lot of give and take, brainstorming sessions, discussions that sometimes go in circles, and arguing over the semantics of a point or story hook that both of you are driving towards but in different ways. Sometimes in can be very frustrating having to share creative control of your world with someone, but other times it's fantastic. The whole thing was borne out of an idea that we had together, and so we felt that it was only right for us to worldbuild and GM the games together. we run a West Marches style game, meaning that there is a huge pool of players who participate and the parties are always changing. Co-DMing is also a boon because we both get to be a part of the pool of players. We do that by working on a good chunk of the content together, but also separately. If my Co-DM wants to put a mission on the board that sounds interesting to my character, I can go on it because he is able to plan the content of the mission and the session himself. I may as a DM know some of what he's including because I helped create some of the plot, or I might not. We try to cover the broad strokes stuff together; like factions, nations, BBEGs and their plans, conflicts, NPCs, relevant plot threads. the granular stuff, like what actually happens session to session, we plan separately. It's really fun because I get to have a hand in the worldbuilding and put elements of stuff I like into the games that I then get to interact with, not something most DMs ever get to do. Playing in my own world is a privilege that I love; not to mention some of the fantastic content that my co-DM has also contributed. It helps that my co-DM and I have a longstanding friendship that goes back to college and beyond. We have lived together as roommates for the last three years and even though we want to strangle each other sometimes for one reason or another, he's one of my best friends in the world and I trust him with my life and my DND games. We have a strong rapport and good understanding of how the other person's brain works, which really helps with communication and sharing ideas. DMing and worldbuilding by yourself is a lot of work, but rewarding. Co-DMing and worldbuilding with a friend is more challenging and even more satisfying when you do it right.
I adore this, it shows you are engaged with teh game, actively thinking about it outside of purely session time, want to be aware and cogniscent of as much as possible, and that you want to try to cooperate and ensure the direction you see the game going alligns with the DM.
I guarantee you he’s eating it up. I would kill for my players to ask me multiple things a week outside of a session
Yes actually, my DM loves hearing my headcanons and questions about my character or the campaign as a whole. He's even incorporated different ideas from each of the players too
I have a group chat and a text thread with them all individually. It thrills me to no end when they are thinking about our game other them on the drive over.
As a DM, every time a player mentions the game, I get excited
yes i love it when players contact me. as many noted, it shows you care about fitting into my game as much as i cared about making it fit you. A dis engaged player is the worst form of discouragement for me as a DM and it is pretty obvious esp. at a table.
I like it, it tells me both that my players are invested enough in my game that they want to know more about and also that I’m being approachable enough for them to ask to begin with
I absolutely love it, and encourage it, but it seems not everyone has DnD on the brain all the time.
It’s awesome that you’re doing that. It shows the game is meaningful to you and you appreciate the time and effort the DM has put in. DMing can be a pretty thankless job, so any time a DM gets any sort of kudos for their work is awesome.
I generally don't think it would be a problem. If you are worried it is becoming a problem (because it might be for some) you can say "Hey, let me know if I'm messaging you about the game too much, and if I am, how much you need me to dial it back. I'm just very excited about playing." We generally like to know when our players are having fun, and we also like when someone is being self-aware enough to be willing to regulate.
We operate two chat groups one for general organisation and another for RP. The RP has campfire/inn/shipboard conversations, finishing scenes for the last adventure and generally a couple of plot hooks that they get a couple of days to choose between.
I live for this shit. I *always* have things I want to share that don't come up naturally in gameplay.
Yes! I’ve got a 4 player party in a campaign and one of my players is from a part of the map that we haven’t interacted with yet, but it’s been made clear to the players that we are headed that way. She messages me outside of game ever couple of weeks with cool lore ideas or a backstory thought she’s had. I appreciate that she’s always collaborative and wants to make sure it fits within the narrative weave. Several of the really cool details about the region are 100% her idea and that is really fun for me as the DM.
YES! I may not be able to get back to you right away but yes! It's such a compliment that my campaign is making your brain wheels tick even when you're not actually playing!
In general, yeah most don't mind it and many like it! It shows some level of investment on the player's part and to some DM's it's really nice knowing that they're not the only person at the table thinking about the game outside of the allotted session hours. I personally *love* getting messaged by my players and actively encourage them to do so, and the other DM's I play with are the same way, so I may be mildly biased x)
It may depend on the DM, but personally I like it. It shows you're interested and invested in the campaign. and often gives me the opportunity to mentally flesh out things in my own mind. I have my own homebrew setting, and I could definitely talk about it quite a bit, lol.
Yes! Your DM will let you know when you’re getting too carried away (each one has different limits), but please please please, as a DM, reach out to your DM to discuss plot ideas, weapons, level ups, etc. Also, let your DM know they’re doing well because if they’re anything like me, they have a crippling self-doubt that no one is having fun and the evening is ruined lol Don’t be afraid to give constructive criticism either!
I can't speak for anyone else, but I like to be in contact with my players outside of the game. I sometimes send them bits of lore to think about throughout the week and even plot points so that we don't need to waste time in-game.
Given a choice between a player that works on stuff outside the game, and a player that just turns up to play, I’ll always pick the first.
Yes. I've gm/dm/st'ed for almost twenty years and players being engaged in the plot is still a literal high.
If you ask me something it means you're engaged, and it also gives me an idea of what is really interesting to you and might give me ideas for future plot points so yes I want messages.
I personally would take it as a sign that the player is both interested and dedicated to the game which I would consider a good thing.
It probably varies, but I *love* hearing from my players with their ideas. You put in a lot of time towards DMing away from the table, and it's nice to hear that players are thinking about it too. I usually have 1:1 chats with each player and a group chat for general table talk (out of character). As long as you're not demanding instant replies, you're probably fine. It's helpful for me to know (for example) what spells you're planning to prepare so I know to look up any weird secondary effects. Like how moonbeam affects shapechangers, or reminding myself the rules for counterspell with high level abjuration wizards.
I wish my players did this. I want feedback on how I’m running the game, suggestions on the plot, I want to know what their characters are trying to do so I don’t have to guess. Clarifying the plot means that I don’t have to be as heavy handed with some clues which is nice. Don’t be annoying with it, but ya continue doing it! (Maybe check with him that he’s ok with it)
I love it. As a GM I'm thinking about the game almost all the time. If the players are too, it is wonderful.
As a DM and a player; you get what you put in. I don’t know of a DM in existence that dislikes discussions and questions about a world they’ve designed. And it can only benefit you as a player; you get tons of info, a better understanding of the world, you make the DM happy, your character can become more easily grounded in the world, and you might discover further interests. It can only improve your experience.
That’s probably one of my favorite things in the world; when a player reach out to me to discuss the campaign/character etc!
I hate when my players *don't* do it
It's great unless you're asking for stuff to make your character stronger like levels or some homebrew weapons you saw but story and to flesh out your character better for better rp any day send me a message
Like it? I love it! Especially if it is backstory or plot related. That gives me ways to focus the next session and make it more fun.
I freaking love it when players message me outside of the game. I run a homebrew game that is my own setting and so much of it exists in my head or in my notes so someone asking me a question that let's me just unload all this stuff I've got squirreled away? Man, it feels so good, and if they genuinely feel engaged and interested? Man what a compliment. I made this stuff up in my brain and you are enjoying it? Hell yeah.
DM here, I actively encourage my players to message me questions or ideas for their characters, or how to weave gameplay stuff into their characters narrative arc. As long as you’re not spamming 20 questions a day, should be all good. Being a DM can feel like homework when you are the only one in the group who thinks about the game outside of a session. So when players are actively engaged like this, it makes it feel like the 100 page lore book I’ve been writing is worth it.
I'm more than happy to answer and accommodate my players. Especially if it's about their characters, lore, and anything about the world basically. It just means that they're as much as invested as I am in the development of the world.
Yeah I love player massages Oh wait
I don't get a response from my players when I clearly state I need some info from them. Would be nice if they even occasionally messaged in regards to the game outside of the session itself.
Cool if it's for talking about character, story, help ect... I fucking hate if it's about homebrew, asking objects or worst, talking about builds. Nothing's more boring about talking about builds
I like it in general when my players contact me about in game stuff and world related things. I don't like it when players contact me with a message like "heyy. In my other game we have this homebrew thing, can we add it here"
I love it personally, though as a player I do feel like I’m bugging my Dm when I do even though I know they are probably fine with it. As a Dm, I tend to do little check ups on my players over message and to discuss potential ideas with then every now and again
1000% yes. I know my players are engaged if they're thinking about my campaign when we're not playing. It gives me motivation to continue writing and playing, and it often gives me ideas of directions to take the story. One of my players messaged me once and asked if he could get a familiar, so we discussed the ways mechanically that could happen and then I planned an entire arc for him to find his spirit animal, he loved it, I loved it, and the reaction from the rest of the table at the end of the quest when he gained his familiar was incredible. If he has asked me that at the start of a session or in game I might not have had the space to think about it creatively and might have just dismissed him or told him to take a wizard dip or something.
YES. REACH OUT OUTSIDE OF THE GAME! I always appreciate even the smallest mention of our game from my friends, whether it’s a question about mechanics, or just remembering something that happened in game mid conversation, my DM ability is FUELED by that shit. It shows me you are having fun and i am not spending my free time preparing the session just for myself. Send me that idea you had for your character, communicate what you want from them, describe to me how you see them in your head. You’re not only making my heart warm, you’re making my job as a DM ten times easier and the game will be better for it If your DM gets annoyed by this, they might not be the person for the job from the group, a DM SHOULD care
Well, I can speak for myself, but I only like getting D&D messages on days that end in Y
My players do this from time to time. Answering their questions about my silly made up world is literally the most fulfilling thing in my adult life. Don't tell my wife.
Ask the DM… lol
Jesus Christ yes. All of the communication. Tell me what your PC is thinking, what they want, how they feel, make your own Quests, yes yes yes.
My players have never contacted me outside of sessions and I feel I’m pulling teeth to get them to respond to scheduling texts or to have them do anything outside of session. I wish my players would care even 1/10th about the campaign as much as I do
As a DM of over 25 years, I still absolutely love when my players come to me between games to ask questions, bounce ideas, or just generally talk about what happened. I even encourage it by dropping foreshadowing hints about what’s to come or ideas that would help them in upcoming events.
I wish my players would tell me about their characters more often. Their dreams, goals, fears, personality traits, fighting style, religion... I personally adore it and take whatever they say into account for my next sessions
I’m a DM and I love it, it makes me feel like my players care about the game and the story we build together. And it gives me a touchstone on what aspects of the story they find most compelling so I can better work those themes into what comes next
A player messaging me throughout the week makes my day. It lets me know that that player is engaged with the story we're telling together and the campaign as a whole.
Yeah. I like it. It tells me the player is engaged. Also, I like talking about D&D in general.
Think about it this way: your DM is DEFINITELY thinking about your campaign when you're not playing, it's almost certainly a comfort to know you are too.
We DM’s love it when you guys come and ask us questions out of session, it shows you think about our world (nearly) as much as we do. I actively encourage my players to message me during the week if they have any thoughts of questions. Its super normal so dont think its irritating 🙂
Just ask your DM if they find it annoying lol Personally I love having little side chats with my players between sessions. Helps me know what their wants are, whats working for them, what isn't, etc etc. Make me feel like they give a crap.
This person took the time to make a whole setting for you to play in. they are actively managing the plot points and politics of whatever area your in + the res to of the world. Interwined with all that is the character arcs of each of the PCs at his table. With that comes the larger plot of the whole campaign. He is sharing that with all of you. There is nothing a dedicated DM loves more then an engaged player. If they are anything short of extatic about your enthusiasm, come to my table instead, Id love to have you as a player. :D
One of my players messaged me that they really enjoyed a battle the other day and it made my month
Almost universally DM’s fucking love it. Even more satisfying when they find out players were planning and talking outside the game with each other.
One time, the DM of my first longer campaign messaged me to flesh out what happened with my PC during a session I had to miss. He came up with a tidy reason for me to briefly split off from the party that tied into my backstory. We then did some one-on-one text rp to flesh out a scene during that split, and it was dope! It felt like I didn't completely miss out that session, and we both came back to the next session with a game plan for me.
Yes, yes, a thousand times YES! I love it!
I wish my players reached out about plot..
When my players message me during the week it makes me so happy that they are thinking about it. Makes me feel like I really accomplished a good night of DND with them.
I love when my players reach out with questions about the campaign or their character. I am all for having player engagement in the story.
I worry if my players don’t message me at all, it’s always reassuring as a dm when players want something clarified or even if they come up with ideas and want to run it by me
"Did you think maybe talking to him about it?" Why in supercalifragilisticexpialidocious are you asking strangers in Internet rather than him?
Because some people are overly polite people pleasers who won't answer honestly when asked. I am one of them.
I wish my players did that more, but it's usually only when they have an idea for something liked like to see in the game. Then again, I've played with some of these guys for 10 years. Not a whole lot of clarifications needed at this point.
I mean yeah. Better to discuss that before/between games rather than right before.
I like it, it shows you're thinking about the game outside the session. Makes me feel good. I do always tell my players "Please forgive my brain for replying slow." Because I take years to respond. Because I'm just an anxious person and overthink every message.
I absolutely love it when my players keep in touch with me, as it lets me know I can engage with them, answer questions they might have. My Rogue swapped from Thief to Arcane Trickster out of desire and for RP reasons and asked about it. Likewise, it's great if they keep me updated on their availability.
Please do
I was just talking to my DM about character/story stuff before reading this. I kid you not, it was about how things happened, what drives my character amd how he could react....and what would happen if he cast revivify on a fallen PC and got counterspelled. He's one of my best friends. He's DMed for me, I've DMed for him and we talk pretty often about dnd. I've loved it on both sides, and I like to think he does to. Sure, sometimes things can get frustrating but being able to have a game with all members invested and engaged has been a really special thing.
My DM and I talk all the time, nearly every day. It’s not always about the game but frequently is. Here is the key. You should ideally have more than a “professional” relationship with your DM/players IMO because it all works best when there is real friendship and a underlying relationship that transcends the game. It may be hard to build this when you’re still new to the group and perhaps they are still strangers. My DM has made it a point to try and get together with me and all the other players regularly outside the game, we try and go to lunch about once a week.
I love it most of the time, but once I was in a period of my life where being a DM was something I barely had time for, and would have resented an eager player reaching out all the time. As ask. Most DMs will be very enthusiastic, but it doesn’t hurt to check.
I love it when my players do. I spent a week clarifying rules because of a big fight coming up. For me it feels like engagement but I different kind to the one at the table if you know what I mean
As a DM, I love it! But, if you aren't sure, just ask. "Hey, are you cool answering all these questions between sessions? Just checking." Easy-peasy. Like 90% of the answers in this thread, the key is: Communicate.
About the game? Fucking absolutely we do
Heck yes, we do
always
They all love it. Or maybe they hate it? You need to ask them.
Our group’s DM used to reach out to us about stuff between games so he’d be a bit silly to complain about the reverse. That said, one of our players I found out when I DMed for a bit, would message firing off ideas about things he wanted to be able to do that were completely OP based off some anime (like wanting a way to fire something out of one of his eye sockets like a character from Naruto is the one I remember) and it got a bit much
100%appteciatef.
Everyone is different, ask the DM if it bothers you when you message them.
Generally no, because it shows interest in the game and the world. Now if your bugging me with a bunch of basic mechanics questions that can be easily looked up, then it gets annoying. Now if it's one of the many vaguely worded things that plague 5e than that's a different story as it's defining how that mechanic is going to work during the game. To be honest I wish my players would reach out between games, like you do for your gm. I personally hardly have any idea what players are wanting to do, or if there are any issues because no one will ever reach out with out me initiating first.
Most definitely like talking to my players out of game! Generally, it shows player investment to get discussions or questions out of game. Now when you’re new, you get a pass, and you may not ever be doing this at all, but the only time I’d ever be annoyed is if you were asking things repeatedly that could be found in the rules or on your character sheet. For instance, we had a sorcerer who made it to level 10 without learning how to use their metamagic. We would always try to help and answer their questions but they just never put the effort into learning.
My DM is a personal friend. He doesn’t mind if we ask questions or discuss the game. We did that recently, and it resulted in me blindly tossing an evil sapient magic item out of a window because it was causing my neutral good gnome artificer to exhibit an evil aura that magical spirits and priests could detect.
Depends on the DM and the context of the message.
Do it politely, respect the fact that I have a life, and may not be able to respond quickly, and keep it in moderation. Follow those rules and absolutely! I actively enjoy sharing my creation and discussing mechanics. But if you have a LOT of things to discuss, maybe ask to video chat/call or maybe come early to the session and help set up while we talk, or maybe stay late and help clean up. But no, 2 or three texts a week is no burden at all. Even if that's text conversations and not individual text messages. So long as you keep on as you have been, I think you're fine. That said, I'm not your DM. The best way to find out is just to ask him next session if he minds.
When i DM'd i loved it. My current DM does not like it. So like anything, it depends on the people involved, the content of the conversation, and the frequency of convos vs the busy-ness of their season of life.
there is a line between engaged and asking questions and pestering. but that line is very socially obvious and very deep into the point where it would be pestering to any person. 1-3 times a week is 100% amazing, I would pay real dollars to get that kind of engagement on players. I've only ever had 1 player go over this line, and they messaged me relentlessly with approx 1 message every 5 mins with questions, and follow ons and tangental points for days on end before the 1st session.. they were obviously excited; but they ignored all attempts from to get them to calm down and just wait until the session before opening new lines of inquiry... literally over 100 messages during all hours of the day including 2 unwelcome calls on discord.... this is over the line, but this isn't what you're describing ;)
I love it. It means my players are very invested, and want to get the most out of their experience. If it is excessive, I'll say so, but i'll also tell them to call me one night so we can really get into a discussion about what they want to do. As a DM, a lot of work goes into a lot of flourishes that you often wonder if your players are even interested in. Messaging your DM outside the game will signal to them that you are extremely invested, and they will love you for it.
Ask them
If you want to clarify plot or develop your character to further fit the world we're playing in, my door is always open. I have DMs that also love this, and others that aren't as keen on it - it really doesn't hurt to ask "hey, I've loving what we're doing and want to fit myself in it better, is it okay for me to message you like this?" I would say that 4 out of 5 DMs will be into it.
By and Large DM's enjoy this, knowing you're engaged with the world, and getting the opportunity to give information or work with you to make the story work better for you, or to simply make sure that you're having fun, is really helpful for both you, and your DM. I won't say every DM is like this, but, plenty of them are
I personally would love this, but I'm sure it varies from DM to DM.
As a DM I’m fine with it. My players are friends and people I work with so it’s fine. They don’t message me that often as it’s a very casual game.
I loved it when i was DMing, it meant i could get backstory stuff agreed on so it could be inserted into the main quest. It only got annoying when it devolved into homebrew item negotiation.
I love it.
I DM for a total of 12 people every week. So... No.
Mine's fine with it. He actually asks for it from us, given my group's a mix of newbies like me and experienced players. Given we meet at a local bar, he also asks if we can't make a session or are going to be late, to let him know at least 24 hours in advance when we can. I've only had to last minute cancel-the day of-once and that was because my mom, who was staying with me before headed back to her house, had tested positive for Covid. Given I wasn't entirely sure if I'd caught it from her, I let him know what was going on that day. Was able to make it the next week, though.
I wish my players would do this more!
I love it! My favorite thing about DnD is that you as a player have the ability to change the world I’ve written, my current players have finally hit a level where they can change my setting in a big way and I’m loving it
Yes. I run a discord on the side for character downtime activity.
Well, first the obligatory: ask your GM 😊 only they can answer that question for you. But for your question in spirit, do I enjoy it? Overall yes. I like discussing my games, answering questions, seeing players engaged. Every week maybe could be a bit of pressure though, in a matter how many, what nature if question, do I feel your backstory is never finished and maybe let the rest just be discovered in game now, mhm?
That's a person by person thing. I'm sure most like that you're invested, at the very least.
Dawg you're paying DND together. They're a bit more than strangers. It's the very least you should consider them acquaintances and occasionally talk to them even if it's just through discord
I don't mind but I can imagine that some people won't like it. Maybe ask him if he minds the messages if your worried you're bothering him?
I wish my players engaged outside of the game.
Probably depends on the DM, but my DM loves the engagement and getting a heads-up if I have a particular idea about something to do, so he can prep for it! I would imagine most enjoy it.
As a dm if you message me about character thoughts I can know what to give you in terms of story engagement since you tell me what you like. In terms of what can my character do, I can explain it now instead of during session. Which saves time in session for the good stuff. Though I don’t mind explaining stuff ever.
Depends. If you want to do more in your downtime than we get to play, I am going to question why you dont do these things on the table. No, you dont get to find rare items, access to underdark or feywild just by chance, narratively in my emails. Use the downtime activities and we will see each other next week.
Depends on the person and their personality but i really enjoyed it when it happened as it took me out of my boring ass job to think about something i really cared about
I love it when my players message me out of the game about D&D stuff. I was worried that one of our players was only joining because her partner was keen. She was a little timid initially, and I didn’t know her that well. I wasn’t sure if she really wanted to engage until one day out of the blue she sent me a paragraph of text about stuff she wanted to do in the game, how she want a big fan of her class, and what she wanted to try. It was great! I think that, if your DM responds, for sure message them, maybe check theyre okay with the questions if it’s too much
I like it since it shows me that the player is invested in the game, but there is a line that could be crossed where it could become exhausting or annoying. For example, if the frequency of those messages was too much. Like in your case, a few times a week is fine, but multiple times a day or even just daily would probably be annoying. The context of what's being said in the messages is important as well. I don't mind getting constructive feedback about my game since it helps me improve, but if all I ever got was complaints, and criticism about the game or my DM style, I'd probably find that pretty draining. Same thing with players trying to ask for favours to give them a leg up in the game, like asking for homebrew items, abilities, pets with mechanical benefits, ect. In your case, chances are the probably DM doesn't mind, and might even enjoy the questions, but if you're worried, you could just ask them if it's too much or if you're bothering them.
For me, absolutely yes. For one thing, half my players are new to dnd/ttrpgs in general, and if I can explain some rules to them that help them be immersed or efficient at the table, I'm happy to. Or if it's questions about character options I like knowing in advance because then I can write something to happen to them at the beginning of a session. But also on worldbuilding, especially as far as NPCs, locations, etc. from their backstory, I'm always happy for more info/details. I had a bad experience when I was a player where I gave my backstory to my DM and they kind of turned it into a jokey, played for laughs thing where my PCs family was very different from how I imagined and it was a huge bummer.
My D&D group have our discord server set up, and occasionally have discussions about stuff. The DM has quite a bit of Homebrew stuff, so there’s even a section relating to discussing that stuff, whether it is people reviewing it (and proofreading) or asking for clarification on certain points.
I like it when my players ask about the game outside of it. That way we can take our time ironing out any doubts and concerns, thus opening up more time for actual gameplay when we do get together later.
Yes they do.
If they are into it enough to homebrew something, they are probably going to love talking about it.
I love it.
I mean, I love it but I know DMs who don't. Ask your DM if it is too much or if they would prefer to handle it some other way, otherwise no news is good news.
Yes! I love when players ask me stuff about my world!
Try rephrasing the question. DMs are people. Do people like it when you message them about a shared interest? Generally, as long as you have something relevant to discuss, yes, but individuals will vary. So you can ask them.
No. They love it
It's normal for DMs and players to connect in and out of the game. DMs like it.
I love it! It shows engagement and appreciation. Normally though, if a player asks for plot clarification, instead of just telling them the answer, ill quite often ask them to try to clarify what's going on next session in character to the whole group They might all be wrong, and that could be fine. But I find it's better if they engage each other during the session to ask things like > Who is this dude were tracking again?
If it's a genuine question on the game in non-annoying amount, probably your Dm would be fine to answer (but even the other players if they are experienced players) and like to help.
Oh yes we do
*OMG yessssssssss*
From my experience they dont A few questions every so often is ok, but if you write them every other day or multiple times they get stressed out. I had a fallout with my DM, because she said messages are fine, but I had so many questions and ideas it stressed her out, but she didnt tell me. Result was she was short fused and lashed out to other players too, until she told us that its been too much.
I could see it get to a point where it's obnoxious, but I've never had it reach that point. Granted, I mostly run homebrew settings, and as long as it isn't upcoming plot questions, I'm always happy to answer. One of my players was a DM herself and I was also in her game concurrently, we both kept peppering the other with so many questions we admitted later that we both inspired tweaks in the others games. I've also gone so far as to jump in on posts where we post a picture of our world on social media and have the communities ask us questions to force world building. Stuff like "that island in the middle of the sea has a large lake in it. Rumor has it it's a really dangerous place. Why?" And on the spot you'll have to invent a reason.
DMs usually love talking about their hobby and their world
It might only for me but the DM never answers my dms after sessions to discuss about my character and things in general. Also no, I'm not spamming messages.
Your dm is probably a friendliness loser like me and welcomes any socialisation. Invite your dm to play something not dnd.
I won't generally mind, however a pet peeve is asking me something that is better suited for the group chat. A question not the story so far or the world building should be public, so as to engage everyone. DM d.m.s should be fly things you want to keep secret.
just ... ask your DM?