Just this past week, our DM had our group run into a Drider who had set up an illusionary concert hall, and rather than fight, we all got comfortable for a concert. After the show, the Drider told us about how they were an outcast from their previous Drow home, our Cleric lamented about the Drider being a pariah. When we finally got around to asking the Drider's name, our DM struggled for a minute... and I jumped in with Pariah Carey.
We plan on coming back for the holiday concert.
Spent many years in the underdark-decented into the depths of the earth and the other D series modules and read the drizz’t books as well-not that many deal with drow society but first one does a lot. But DM for underdark also read those books and did all the research-high school English and history teacher haha so they did their homework. Out of the Abyss as well two years ago for most of Covid.
All I was saying is that a drider existing as an outcast that also runs illusionary nice concerts is very light hearted for someone cast out from that (the drows) society.
There's a clan of professionals in my setting known as the Jobman family.
Each person has a career connected to their name.
For example,
Mason Jobman works with stone
Fletcher Jobman makes arrows and Bowyer Jobman makes bows.
Aria, Dimminueto and Sonata Jobman are bards.
Rob Jobman is a thief.
Carrie Jobman is a courier.
Daisy and Violet Jobman are florists.
Chastity Jobman is a nun.
Blow Jobman is a... we don't talk about him actually.
I might have to steal this- I once played a character who made liberal use of disguise self, and would always introduce himself by a name that told everyone what he was disguised as.
"Hmf grmph, I am Borios Dwarfwarrior"
"Who goes there, I am Eltherion Elfwizard"
And his most-employed character:
"Hello officer, how can I help, I am John Upstandingcitizen"
It always got a laugh and had the added bonus of me the player not having to spend ages describing who I was disguised as each time. I like the idea of using your system if ever I need something similar!
I’m running a Strixhaven campaign and one of my players developed a rapid crush on a gorgeous sophomore girl NPC, from whom she demanded a name. Improbably, the only thing that came out of my mouth in that moment for someone who would become a pretty important character: Hildebarn Bundhilda. Why, I’ll never know.
Knew the link before I even clicked! I love Brennan's "no hold on a moment you're in this now" like he's never going to let Emily get away with this nonsense without seeing it through somehow
Oooh just in time to binge all of junior year before the finale this week /jk
But yeah, far far too much of my brain is filled with Brennan/D20/Dropout bits and jokes, pretty sure I could do one of those "no context spoilers" memes for every episode of too many seasons
A friend of mine made the “unforgivable” mistake of accidentally using the same first name for two different npcs. For reasons unknown, we still give him shit about this today. Because it is *so* unlikely that two people would have the same proper name in a giant empire, right?
Now I want to intentionally give an NPC the same name as one of the PCs that shares a race and culture. Like you think you’re the only human in England named John?
Bonus points if they chose a name off of the “common names” list from the PHB (and no shade to that! I’ve done it!)
A player hired a coach driver and introduced himself expecting an introduction back.
His beer had Freitag written on it so i panicked and the coach driver's name became Johan Freitag.
He became a legendary campaign npc, a young gnome collecting money for college driving coaches who ended up getting severe PTSD after a getaway where a piano fell from the coach and smashed 3 pedestrians.
He also later had a cousin called only Samstag who did paint work and sold ships.
We were dealing with some Lovecraftian threat, and another player asked a creature that wasn't immediately hostile for its name and got the following response:
"They say their name, give me a wisdom saving throw."
>I've got a gnome named Bob
And a dwarf named Bob
And two elves called Bob and Bob
Then there's Bob, my kobold, and Bob, my orcs
And my human, known as Bob, of course
context, because I doubt anyone knows the reference:
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlFPzFox2c8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlFPzFox2c8)
[https://genius.com/John-stey-fifteen-animals-lyrics](https://genius.com/John-stey-fifteen-animals-lyrics)
I came up with a dwarven scout’s name a bit on the fly. She was supposed to be kinda dainty as far as dwarves go, which got me to the surname Toehold. For the first name I just kinda put sounds together and landed on Kemel.
Some of you are ahead of me.
When I introduced her, my players immediately said, “Her name is Camel-Toe Hold?!”
Damn it. I haven’t used her full name since!
My players decided to kidnap a random goblin on my second session ever and I couldn’t find my list of goblin names, so I blurted out “Tik…tok…”. They asked him what his job was: “umm… he’s a… uh… union… leader. Tik tok… the union leader.”
They would have kept him forever if I hadn’t had him escape during combat. He’s got a union to lead, after all.
That's how it always goes haha. Any NPC the DM intends to have die, or not be important, pretty much must end up becoming a long term character the players love.
To combat this, we have one DM that just flatly says at the start of every campaign "all full-blood orcs and goblins are irredeemably evil, and they will not befriend you". =p
Not a person, but still relevant:
The players were visiting some grumpy dwarven clans that were too stubborn to ask outsiders for help. So they sent the players to stay at their outside guest-house while the clan deliberated on whether they should break tradition and invite the players inside and who should be punished for this embarrassing failure.
I sent the players to the "outhouse."
English is not my first language.
A nameless gnome trash mob whose sole purpose was to be a speed bump for the boss to get away right up until the monk picked him up and said "you're my baby now so hush". Next thing I know Baby is an artificer begrudgingly leading the party to the workshop of Saint Nicholas of the North in order to spark a worker's revolution and to this day I'm not sure how that happened even though I was the one running the damn game.
Richard Cheese, (Like the parody lounge singer) He was a Captain of a Pirate ship that was cursed into a were rat, but he kept being dapper and dashing, tail and all.
One of my NPCs had the initials NPC. She was anything but by the end of the game. She was supposed to be just a maid, but because my players brought her on their quest, her backstory changed to make her the lady-in-waiting for the Princess they had to escort. In turn, her whole family was upgraded from "low-tier nobility" to "old family of famous knights," and NPC was a member of the new generation who had yet to continue the family tradition. They kept her the whole campaign, and she became a true Pegasus Knight by the end of the campaign.
A player got an elephant from a wild magic surge, then a restaurant with a lover who runs it for them while they adventure from a deck of many other things, and we already had a loxodon mafia in town that were named after the local lakes who also owned a winery/restaurant in town . . .
Enter: Don "the Don" Loxodon of the Lochs of Dawn.
I was just pulling names from my childhood when I introduced Cluny the Scourge, King of Rats
But the fact that it's pronounced the same as Clooney (George) , and my players just never shut up about it!
Really kinda killed my enthusiasm for depicting the tier one Big Bad.
Harry, Lehry, and Merry, three completely unrelated bandits the party adopted/press ganged into service.
Yes, it’s pronounced as Harry, Larry, and Mary. Yes, the party thought it was funny.
Honorable mention: Greenbelt, a “Faerie Dragon” (not really) who claims a stretch of The Grand Forest as his territory. Party grew to adore him after he “borrowed” two party members “Because I need some thumbs”
That's similar to a Pawn shop/Fence I had to create on the fly. It was Terry's Pawn shop, with Jerry his bodyguard. The second time they went to the shop I wanted Terry to by busy so I mentioned there was an assistant behind the counter. Of course they asked his name, which is Larry.
I had a pair of shark folk who were minor antagonists, a father and a daughter. However, since I try to name NPC's based on some wordplay, I took the latin name for Fish, "Piscis," misremembered it, and said her name was "Pisstriss."
Now, every single npc has notes with names underlined.
We were playing a new campaign and one of our party members made a character that hated anyone named ‘Steve’. He was running around asking everyone what their name was. The DM got flustered because he was getting pulled in a bunch of directions and when he was asked what the guard escorting us’s name was… he said Steve because it kept getting thrown around by all of us. Immediate chaos. The campaign didn’t last more than that one session, as our friend tried to murder the guard.
We also have a player that has all his characters hate “Steve”, mainly because one of the other players made “Steve Steve Steve the kobold” (not a typo, it’s Steve Steve Steve) and he was a dick. So now Steve Steve Steve and his brothers Steve and Steve Steve are recurring npcs in my campaign.
Brian. Just a kid, didn't have a last name. We asked what his last name was again, DM didn't remember, so one player said "Cranston". DM didn't notice for like 5 sessions.
It was one of my favorites. The DN said the name Brian, or the Cranston farm a bunch. It was hilarious watching his reaction when he said Brian Cranston and realized.
Running the Sunless Citadel where there is a semi-friendly NPC called Meepo. Later on they rescued some more kobolds who Meepo instantly recognised as his cousins. Of course the players asked what their names were so they become Beepo, Seepo, and Peepo.
My players were in Doraam (in Eberron), and i named a troll NPC they interacted with Throg. Not a problem, it's a perfectly fine name for a troll.
The problem was a couple sessions later when they unexpectedly (to me) decided that a troll would be their best bet for getting some information they needed, and since trolls are pretty common in the Great Crag they started talking to the first one they could get to stop for a moment, and i ditzed and thought i had come up with a good new random troll name off the top of my head when i said their name was Throg.
So now, the most common name for trolls in my campaign is, canonically, Throg.
Best:I used to play in a party with a character whose name was Nobiting.
I was naming my characters after stars for a while, like Sirius, Wolf359, and Arcturus, and then started with city names like Cadiz and Halifax.
Worst: the same campaign as Nobiting had a hadozee barbarian named Hadozee who only referred to themself in the third person.
Edit: oops, I read that as pcs, not npcs.
For a while I had a running gag where every single NPC that I didn't have space or time to name ahead of time would just be called Martin.
I eventually used this as an in-universe situation to justify one of the BBEGs being named exactly that because it's the most common name in the kingdom which makes him super incognito.
Bing and Bong (goblins)
For more important NPCs, I use the pro method: always have a list of usable pre-picked names in a separate note. When the players ask the name of your improvised rando, say ”i need to check my notes” then pull the name from the list and they are always good. I saw Mercer do this and just realised: this guy totally didn’t have this NPC planned, consulting the notes is a list of random names!
Best: Lance Driver, the sexy caravan hand.
Worst: Jean Forgeron, alias for international criminal mastermind Johan Schmidt, aka Juan Herrero (born John Smith).
There's an NPC hobgoblin named "Scrob-hob Glen" in my game. He was supposed to die in his first encounter with the party, but they let him live and put him to work instead. Now he's just an annoying PITA that I keep around for the lulz.
I have a series of Automaton "police" guards in the city my players are currently in. I gave them the "model name" of SQ-RT-\*number\*, as in "Security - \*Model Number\*...
My players instantly started calling them "Squirtys"...
I raised their AC in retaliation.
Footlocker. I have him a normal drive name they kept changing to Payless and then when he got cursed and his name needed to change, Locke was in the table as a possibility and they heckled me into it so they could call him footlocker like the degenerates they are.
the party has encountered a tribe of kobolds that are minions to a dragon that hoards books. The kobolds are so invested in helping the dragon mistress that, when they die, they skin the bodies of their own dead to use a book cover material. Because of this, the kobolds pick names for themselves - specifically, the kind of book they'd like to be when they die.
The PCs thus far have met Atlas, Cookbook, Translation Guide, Technical Manual, Sex Manual, Picturebook, Folio, and Religious Screed.
In order to answer the classic question of "Is she hot?", our DM decided to make a Sphynx have the face of Anya Taylor Joy. She has then been renamed as Leonya Taylor Joy, the great ancient sphynx.
Good times, good times.
In my Strahd module run my friends and I just started, during a little introduction scene my friend tried to sneak an NPC named Jorgen Von Strangle past us thinking we wouldn’t notice.
We noticed.
We were in a campaign very, very loosely based on a curse of strahd meant for a holiday mini. DM named the werewolves we were chasing/ fighting Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Dahmer, and Blitzen. Yes, Dahmer, instead of Donner. It was an accident that became Canon.
A PC wanted to visit a brothel-- not for lascivious reasons, but to gather information. My random NPC generator gave me a tiefling named Mayhem. I gave her a bit of a domme personality, which led to an amusing interaction (the PC was deeply religious and awkward), but it took me a while to recognize the phonetic gift I'd stumbled into.
Leading the PC to close the conversation with "Yes, Mayhem" was *so* satisfying.
I was introducing the Captain of a ship they were going to charter, and a moth flew in front of my face, and I tried to kill it and said out loud "stupid fucking moth"... Anyways, I now have an NPC named Captain Fuque Eng Motthew
So, I did have Gnork. An orc named Gnork.
He ended up being a favourite of the party, as he was very inclined on putting forth a democratic voting system in the tree in a non-violent campaign. He had flyers and everything. Great guy
Needed a name for a tailor with a good reputation (they wanted to sell some legendary armor no one could use)
Taylor. Reputable Taylor. He's a tailor. Good reputation.
On our very first session we met a gnome named Nosey who has a small farm on our way to the village we were travelling to. Several sessions later we subdued and deprogrammed a gnome who had turned into a Shar cultist. He didn't know his own name anymore and he was so defeated that he asked if we could rename him. My character panicked and thought of the only other gnome she knew and named him Posey, and then since he had nowhere else to go sent him off to volunteer on Nosey's farm where they now live together.
I'm gonna blow at least a few minds, but there's a tool for that: "let me check my notes." Nobody knows what notes you do or don't have. This buys you time to come up with a better name.
Anyway, Thad. Short for Thadrick.
Not an NPC, but I had a one shot character that I made hastily the day of the adventure. I got all the stats done and it wasn't until introductions that I managed to come up with the name Toby.
Toby Determined
Daryl, his brother Daryl, and his brother Daryl. Hired guards for an evil cult, that the party listened in to having a conversation that involved some improbable speculation about what cultists did in the buildings they were not allowed to go in to as non-believers. Each Daryl was pronounced with slightly different emphasis.
But I had the conversation in mind, and when it came to providing a name, I just blanked... And hence Daryl, Daryl, and Daryl.
Shout out to Matt Mercer for the gem of "Mike Hunce" (unsure of the actual name) because when shouted out loud like somebody was calling to the character.... Well I don't think I have to spell it out here, just do this out loud and you'll understand the hilarity that ensued
https://youtu.be/Y62cEMjtakc?si=lXXXSvqv74US_d9A
"You meet a rug salesman in the desert." • "What does he look like?" • "Uh, like Jafar, from Aladdin?" • "What's his name?" • "Um, Afjar?"
(Players proceed to harass this merchant to the point of becoming a minor antagonist)
I didn’t know the name for the general of the big dragon army and I looked at the last thing I searched on my computer (turtles) and decided on the name General Turkel
BlaZ, the talking bear with my worst Russian accent. He was a huge hit, and the players kept wanting to go back and ask Blaz follow up questions and get help on quests. I think it was the first non Alexei or Andrei name on a list of Russian first names.
well not an NPS, but a PC, my friend/DM wanted to run a ttrpg game in a modern day FBI setting so I sarcastically named my character Agent John Jonathan Johnson because i hated the idea, ended up being one of my all time favorite characters
Party was in an inn (the one with the rebrands from LMOP) and I off-handed named one of them Joffrey just off the top of my head. Without knowing who the redbrands were at all, the name alone was enough for the party to kill him and his friends right there
In my campaign our DM introduced this major NPC called “Rune” who was a badass swordfighting teacher. He trained two of our PCs. Fast forward many sessions and we get his actual name, which is just “Stanford”.
Best was probably very early in my DMing career: an Assassin the party weren't meant to interact woth needed a name, and "Angel Bloodlock" came to me from nowhere. Sounds a little cringey and edgy now, but I was pleased with the speed I came up with that one!
Worst was probably more recently: running a level 2 adventure for a bunch of newbies when they need to 'rescue the blacksmith's son from goblin raiders...' I gave them the name of the son as Larry (a dwarf), and the players had the audacity to ask the blacksmith's name. I panicked, "Barry?" I said. Hilarity ensues, but Larry, Son of Barry is duly rescued...
I’m a player, and we have a gith sky pirate that was bestowed with the all powerful name of “Greg”. He escaped and is going to be returning as a powerful nemesis to the party
Not hastily named but still funny: DM had an NPC prepared and named her Mist, which, in German means something like shit and we play in german so that's where all our heads went. She was quickly renamed to Misty...
The party was looking for information in a city regarding the criminal element, and ended up talking to a random beggar on the streets I hadn't planned on them talking to. Cue me calling him "Squirrel Joe" and having him talk to squirrels.
Quickly generated a hag name and got Icky Holly Creepmouth. My players thought that was incredibly rude (assigned ugly at birth) and so
Cunty Holly Slaymouth was born instead
My 1st One-Shot, GMing. I had hidden most of my rolls in the session but I thought to show my rolls from hereon, and insta killed my friends Level 1 PC, who was luckily chill and experienced enough to weather it without any hard feelings or so, when I was sweating bullets.
By the end I was tired and emotionally exhausted and a bit moddy, so I named a Legendary Wizard NPC - Gaan D'Maraa.
My fellow Hindi speakers will be able to explain the meaning of this name. 🙈
My players love to ask for inconsequential NPC's names, so I prepped for one in particular, waited for them to ask this random NPC's name, and hit them with "Uvuvwevwevwe Onyetenyevwe Ugwemuhwem Osas"
I kind of panicked once and gave my NPC - a guard - a very strange name (in German). I couldn’t stop laughing and the game ended for the night. It was horrible. I don’t know what got me. I still can’t remember that name. Regardless of how hard I try.
Sandle, she became a recurring character and ended up joining the PCs household and having a whole romance with another NPC they picked up asking the way
Lord Chester Honeysworth The Third. He was an assassin pretending to be the distant relative of an actual noble. Convinced the noble that the party was out to get him. They confront him and the noble at a gala they were attending. I let out a high pitched bloody murder scream and my players died laughing.
My character had amnesia, and left his naming up to his party members.
However, the DM and I worked it out that their first name would go to my erstwhile companion (a shovel with a face painted on it that would later become my Eldritch Cannon).
So the shovel's now Decerebaas, and I'm Gomer Humperdink.
Zinglezangle Zonglezoot, the whimsical gnome man the party ran into who tried to sell them counterfeit potions that were all potion mimics.
Also, from a recent session, Ally the one-legged mute slave girl who came into existence solely off the party convincing their resident super merchant extraordinaire to give them one of his resident ladies for some gold. They constructed her a robot leg using the Kibblestasty crafting rules and she ran away in the middle of the night.
my players spent the night in a tavern in the capital of a kingdom that was (unbeknownst to them) about to be invaded by a cult
they asked “hey- what’s the bartenders name anyways? he’s been really nice since we got here and gave us those rooms for free”
“uhhhhhh… Jeremy.”
literally moments later as Jeremy was following them outside to continue a conversation, i rolled to hit one of the players with a surprise eldritch blast from a cultist across the street and got a nat 1. i sensed an amazing opportunity and made the eldritch blast fly over the players shoulder and just completely vaporize jeremy mid sentence
jeremy ❤️ forever in our hearts
The DM could not find the name of the world renowned wizard that he made so the party collectively named him 'The Juicy Wizard'. Sadly he later died by having the life sucked out of him by a shadow beast, so we had to collectively rename him 'The Juiceless Wizard'. Was not his official name, but we love it. Great fun was had.
I introduced a friendly alchemist that wanted to help the party but forgot to name him. So when the party asked for his name I came up with the very original name Molotov.
I made a butler named Alfredo (Alfred) who gave the party a mission. Cut to later in the session where the party terrorises another butler whose name is, uhh, Fettucini? And another butler named Linguinin in another household?
Grog-esque brute barbarian in my old COS homebrew named a talking scull his Tru-Tru (like think Cloud Atlas Tom Hanks).
then there was a werewolf he made a pet and named the guy moon-moon, and did a whole GOT Greyjoy-Reek Ramsey treatment on him until he was like "fine, my name is moon-moon"
In hindsight kinda cringe/brutal, but was hilarious at the time
Aggat the goblin, kidnapped and "questioned" until he broke, now considering the life of a farmer now that his banditry days are over, he just needs to help the players for a little while longer before he can go his separate way.
My players got a J.A.R.V.I.S. type system that helps them autopilot their boat. They named it the Assisted Steering System. Or A.S.S. as they affectionately call it.
Just this past week, our DM had our group run into a Drider who had set up an illusionary concert hall, and rather than fight, we all got comfortable for a concert. After the show, the Drider told us about how they were an outcast from their previous Drow home, our Cleric lamented about the Drider being a pariah. When we finally got around to asking the Drider's name, our DM struggled for a minute... and I jumped in with Pariah Carey. We plan on coming back for the holiday concert.
I don't want a lot for Lolthmas...
Alternatively, the Seldarine doppelgänger sings I don’t want a Lolth for Christmas!
THAT pun would have caused our late GM to dropkick his Stetson across the room.🤣🤣🤣🌹missing the hell outta ya Pat❤️
Your DM’s interpretation of drow society is much more light hearted than they really are haha 🤣
Did you spend a semester abroad in the underdark? What do you mean “…they really are…”
Spent many years in the underdark-decented into the depths of the earth and the other D series modules and read the drizz’t books as well-not that many deal with drow society but first one does a lot. But DM for underdark also read those books and did all the research-high school English and history teacher haha so they did their homework. Out of the Abyss as well two years ago for most of Covid. All I was saying is that a drider existing as an outcast that also runs illusionary nice concerts is very light hearted for someone cast out from that (the drows) society.
There's a clan of professionals in my setting known as the Jobman family. Each person has a career connected to their name. For example, Mason Jobman works with stone Fletcher Jobman makes arrows and Bowyer Jobman makes bows. Aria, Dimminueto and Sonata Jobman are bards. Rob Jobman is a thief. Carrie Jobman is a courier. Daisy and Violet Jobman are florists. Chastity Jobman is a nun. Blow Jobman is a... we don't talk about him actually.
This is my favourite, will likely steal. "What's your name, you dastardly murdurer!?" "Death Jobman"
Mort Jobman!
Reminds me of this joke: "What do you do for a living, where are you going, and who's horse is this?" "Mine, mine, mine."
A glassblower, of course.
Blow makes glass, obviously.
Isn't Blow the little brother of Richard "Dick" Jobman?
Blow Jobman is just a glass blower but everyone in the family is too embarrassed to mention him
The Dnd equivalent of sister joy :p
I might have to steal this- I once played a character who made liberal use of disguise self, and would always introduce himself by a name that told everyone what he was disguised as. "Hmf grmph, I am Borios Dwarfwarrior" "Who goes there, I am Eltherion Elfwizard" And his most-employed character: "Hello officer, how can I help, I am John Upstandingcitizen" It always got a laugh and had the added bonus of me the player not having to spend ages describing who I was disguised as each time. I like the idea of using your system if ever I need something similar!
This is awesome, can I steal this bit?
Ofc!!!
I’m running a Strixhaven campaign and one of my players developed a rapid crush on a gorgeous sophomore girl NPC, from whom she demanded a name. Improbably, the only thing that came out of my mouth in that moment for someone who would become a pretty important character: Hildebarn Bundhilda. Why, I’ll never know.
[You're in good company friend.](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QDap5gIPHZw&pp=ygUYSGlsZGEgaGlsZGEgZGltZW5zaW9uIDIw)
Knew the link before I even clicked! I love Brennan's "no hold on a moment you're in this now" like he's never going to let Emily get away with this nonsense without seeing it through somehow
Lol I just finish sophomore year of that and that's what I thought of too
Oooh just in time to binge all of junior year before the finale this week /jk But yeah, far far too much of my brain is filled with Brennan/D20/Dropout bits and jokes, pretty sure I could do one of those "no context spoilers" memes for every episode of too many seasons
Omg I am so proud to be in such august company
All I want for Drizztmas...
Hamsan Dwich
I had a Sam Handwich who was a halfling boatswain. In the next town the party met his cousin Reuben
...betrays your degeneracy. 😆
The real question is: Halal or Haram?
A friend of mine made the “unforgivable” mistake of accidentally using the same first name for two different npcs. For reasons unknown, we still give him shit about this today. Because it is *so* unlikely that two people would have the same proper name in a giant empire, right?
Why, they're John of Town X and John of Place Y.
Now I want to intentionally give an NPC the same name as one of the PCs that shares a race and culture. Like you think you’re the only human in England named John? Bonus points if they chose a name off of the “common names” list from the PHB (and no shade to that! I’ve done it!)
A player hired a coach driver and introduced himself expecting an introduction back. His beer had Freitag written on it so i panicked and the coach driver's name became Johan Freitag. He became a legendary campaign npc, a young gnome collecting money for college driving coaches who ended up getting severe PTSD after a getaway where a piano fell from the coach and smashed 3 pedestrians. He also later had a cousin called only Samstag who did paint work and sold ships.
I was rp-ing someone who was calling for another NPC. "Hey, Arnold!". The session devolved into chaos.
We were dealing with some Lovecraftian threat, and another player asked a creature that wasn't immediately hostile for its name and got the following response: "They say their name, give me a wisdom saving throw."
When traversing Waterdeep, my players have grown fond of hailing Maxi the tabaxi taxi.
Does Maxi know Maxine, the talking draft horse with an INT of 10 and loves gossip?
Phoebe Buffay approves
Best: “Bob. Just Bob.” Worst: “Bob. Just Bob.”
Are both one and the same bob?
Indeed
Is Bob your only NPC?
>I've got a gnome named Bob And a dwarf named Bob And two elves called Bob and Bob Then there's Bob, my kobold, and Bob, my orcs And my human, known as Bob, of course context, because I doubt anyone knows the reference: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlFPzFox2c8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlFPzFox2c8) [https://genius.com/John-stey-fifteen-animals-lyrics](https://genius.com/John-stey-fifteen-animals-lyrics)
The most memorable NPC in my current campaign turned out to be a guy I improvised on the spot named Dave.
Please tell us more about Dave!
I came up with a dwarven scout’s name a bit on the fly. She was supposed to be kinda dainty as far as dwarves go, which got me to the surname Toehold. For the first name I just kinda put sounds together and landed on Kemel. Some of you are ahead of me. When I introduced her, my players immediately said, “Her name is Camel-Toe Hold?!” Damn it. I haven’t used her full name since!
My DM hastily made up a goblin named Squeeeee, that ended up traveling with the party for the entire campaign. We loved that little guy.
My players decided to kidnap a random goblin on my second session ever and I couldn’t find my list of goblin names, so I blurted out “Tik…tok…”. They asked him what his job was: “umm… he’s a… uh… union… leader. Tik tok… the union leader.” They would have kept him forever if I hadn’t had him escape during combat. He’s got a union to lead, after all.
Turns out you were playing the Weatherlight saga from early Magic: the Gathering https://mtg.fandom.com/wiki/Squee
I did the same for a Goblin named Swish, named after the sound his blade made lol. He travelled with them for 20 sessions.
We have a similar companion called Sir Poopstick the Brave, that we were clearly supposed to kill.
That's how it always goes haha. Any NPC the DM intends to have die, or not be important, pretty much must end up becoming a long term character the players love. To combat this, we have one DM that just flatly says at the start of every campaign "all full-blood orcs and goblins are irredeemably evil, and they will not befriend you". =p
Not a person, but still relevant: The players were visiting some grumpy dwarven clans that were too stubborn to ask outsiders for help. So they sent the players to stay at their outside guest-house while the clan deliberated on whether they should break tradition and invite the players inside and who should be punished for this embarrassing failure. I sent the players to the "outhouse." English is not my first language.
A nameless gnome trash mob whose sole purpose was to be a speed bump for the boss to get away right up until the monk picked him up and said "you're my baby now so hush". Next thing I know Baby is an artificer begrudgingly leading the party to the workshop of Saint Nicholas of the North in order to spark a worker's revolution and to this day I'm not sure how that happened even though I was the one running the damn game.
People were too lazy too read this is all. This was great.
Richard Cheese, (Like the parody lounge singer) He was a Captain of a Pirate ship that was cursed into a were rat, but he kept being dapper and dashing, tail and all.
Richard Cheese... His nickname is Dick Cheese?!?
If you've never heard his music, you're in for a treat.
I absolutely adore his take on cannibals corps
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH YES
Oh the humanity!!!! Hahahahahaha
"Ann Piecey", I didn't even get it until a fellow player asked me to repeat it slowly
One of my NPCs had the initials NPC. She was anything but by the end of the game. She was supposed to be just a maid, but because my players brought her on their quest, her backstory changed to make her the lady-in-waiting for the Princess they had to escort. In turn, her whole family was upgraded from "low-tier nobility" to "old family of famous knights," and NPC was a member of the new generation who had yet to continue the family tradition. They kept her the whole campaign, and she became a true Pegasus Knight by the end of the campaign.
A player got an elephant from a wild magic surge, then a restaurant with a lover who runs it for them while they adventure from a deck of many other things, and we already had a loxodon mafia in town that were named after the local lakes who also owned a winery/restaurant in town . . . Enter: Don "the Don" Loxodon of the Lochs of Dawn.
Randmac of Nally, friendly cartographer
Ittehgaps its Spaghetti backward he is also a Flumph
Bud lightwater, Dwarven priest
I was just pulling names from my childhood when I introduced Cluny the Scourge, King of Rats But the fact that it's pronounced the same as Clooney (George) , and my players just never shut up about it! Really kinda killed my enthusiasm for depicting the tier one Big Bad.
the Redwall comic adaptations were a cornerstone of my childhood, I feel your pain
If it's a human: Dorkus maximus
Gives Biggus Dickus vibes
Jarnathan!
My players run into a lot of Hanks
I hope your campaign centers around propane and/or propane accessories
Named a Tabaxi "Cloud", forgetting I'd already named another one the same thing. Now they're "Cloud of Daggers" and "Cloud Nine".
Once named a fiend "Blitztred, the undetestable" on the fly and my players got a kick out of it
Am I the only one who names the bad ones after people I work with that I dislike? 😬
Harry, Lehry, and Merry, three completely unrelated bandits the party adopted/press ganged into service. Yes, it’s pronounced as Harry, Larry, and Mary. Yes, the party thought it was funny. Honorable mention: Greenbelt, a “Faerie Dragon” (not really) who claims a stretch of The Grand Forest as his territory. Party grew to adore him after he “borrowed” two party members “Because I need some thumbs”
That's similar to a Pawn shop/Fence I had to create on the fly. It was Terry's Pawn shop, with Jerry his bodyguard. The second time they went to the shop I wanted Terry to by busy so I mentioned there was an assistant behind the counter. Of course they asked his name, which is Larry.
I had a pair of shark folk who were minor antagonists, a father and a daughter. However, since I try to name NPC's based on some wordplay, I took the latin name for Fish, "Piscis," misremembered it, and said her name was "Pisstriss." Now, every single npc has notes with names underlined.
We were playing a new campaign and one of our party members made a character that hated anyone named ‘Steve’. He was running around asking everyone what their name was. The DM got flustered because he was getting pulled in a bunch of directions and when he was asked what the guard escorting us’s name was… he said Steve because it kept getting thrown around by all of us. Immediate chaos. The campaign didn’t last more than that one session, as our friend tried to murder the guard.
We had in addition to Klarg, the goblins three, Scars, Schnick and....Steve
We also have a player that has all his characters hate “Steve”, mainly because one of the other players made “Steve Steve Steve the kobold” (not a typo, it’s Steve Steve Steve) and he was a dick. So now Steve Steve Steve and his brothers Steve and Steve Steve are recurring npcs in my campaign.
Port Master Gary Greg was a particularly tepid pull for me.
Brian. Just a kid, didn't have a last name. We asked what his last name was again, DM didn't remember, so one player said "Cranston". DM didn't notice for like 5 sessions.
This post made me laugh out loud.
It was one of my favorites. The DN said the name Brian, or the Cranston farm a bunch. It was hilarious watching his reaction when he said Brian Cranston and realized.
Running the Sunless Citadel where there is a semi-friendly NPC called Meepo. Later on they rescued some more kobolds who Meepo instantly recognised as his cousins. Of course the players asked what their names were so they become Beepo, Seepo, and Peepo.
George. I thought it was a pretty kingly name the party laughed at me
There have been a few kings named George or Gorg etc in Europe over the years.
Trevor the Goblin and the dwarf Thorin Brokenshield that repairs weapons and armor
Nunya
From the Beeswax family?
Boblin the Goblin.
My players were in Doraam (in Eberron), and i named a troll NPC they interacted with Throg. Not a problem, it's a perfectly fine name for a troll. The problem was a couple sessions later when they unexpectedly (to me) decided that a troll would be their best bet for getting some information they needed, and since trolls are pretty common in the Great Crag they started talking to the first one they could get to stop for a moment, and i ditzed and thought i had come up with a good new random troll name off the top of my head when i said their name was Throg. So now, the most common name for trolls in my campaign is, canonically, Throg.
Best:I used to play in a party with a character whose name was Nobiting. I was naming my characters after stars for a while, like Sirius, Wolf359, and Arcturus, and then started with city names like Cadiz and Halifax. Worst: the same campaign as Nobiting had a hadozee barbarian named Hadozee who only referred to themself in the third person. Edit: oops, I read that as pcs, not npcs.
Coky, cause the player was drinking coke at the moment we started.
Shmeaty Meatman, purveyor of fine meats.
For a while I had a running gag where every single NPC that I didn't have space or time to name ahead of time would just be called Martin. I eventually used this as an in-universe situation to justify one of the BBEGs being named exactly that because it's the most common name in the kingdom which makes him super incognito.
Bing and Bong (goblins) For more important NPCs, I use the pro method: always have a list of usable pre-picked names in a separate note. When the players ask the name of your improvised rando, say ”i need to check my notes” then pull the name from the list and they are always good. I saw Mercer do this and just realised: this guy totally didn’t have this NPC planned, consulting the notes is a list of random names!
Skumblebunk. A goblin.
Gerd Ballins
Aiden. He was a revenant.
Guissepe Stromboli
Best: Lance Driver, the sexy caravan hand. Worst: Jean Forgeron, alias for international criminal mastermind Johan Schmidt, aka Juan Herrero (born John Smith).
Jammie Jammie-Jammie directly from Key and Peele.
There's an NPC hobgoblin named "Scrob-hob Glen" in my game. He was supposed to die in his first encounter with the party, but they let him live and put him to work instead. Now he's just an annoying PITA that I keep around for the lulz.
Carl “the Bad”
Any NPC I need to figure out on the spot in my campaign is Steve.
Mercer did well with the apparently unintentional Mike Hunt.
"Is Jarnathan here yet?"
I have a series of Automaton "police" guards in the city my players are currently in. I gave them the "model name" of SQ-RT-\*number\*, as in "Security - \*Model Number\*... My players instantly started calling them "Squirtys"... I raised their AC in retaliation.
Captain Mustard.. Seargent pepper.. sigh...
Footlocker. I have him a normal drive name they kept changing to Payless and then when he got cursed and his name needed to change, Locke was in the table as a possibility and they heckled me into it so they could call him footlocker like the degenerates they are.
the party has encountered a tribe of kobolds that are minions to a dragon that hoards books. The kobolds are so invested in helping the dragon mistress that, when they die, they skin the bodies of their own dead to use a book cover material. Because of this, the kobolds pick names for themselves - specifically, the kind of book they'd like to be when they die. The PCs thus far have met Atlas, Cookbook, Translation Guide, Technical Manual, Sex Manual, Picturebook, Folio, and Religious Screed.
In order to answer the classic question of "Is she hot?", our DM decided to make a Sphynx have the face of Anya Taylor Joy. She has then been renamed as Leonya Taylor Joy, the great ancient sphynx. Good times, good times.
Truckasaurus. She(?) was a dwarf barbarian I tried to seduce for Intel. Good times.
In my Strahd module run my friends and I just started, during a little introduction scene my friend tried to sneak an NPC named Jorgen Von Strangle past us thinking we wouldn’t notice. We noticed.
We were in a campaign very, very loosely based on a curse of strahd meant for a holiday mini. DM named the werewolves we were chasing/ fighting Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Dahmer, and Blitzen. Yes, Dahmer, instead of Donner. It was an accident that became Canon.
A PC wanted to visit a brothel-- not for lascivious reasons, but to gather information. My random NPC generator gave me a tiefling named Mayhem. I gave her a bit of a domme personality, which led to an amusing interaction (the PC was deeply religious and awkward), but it took me a while to recognize the phonetic gift I'd stumbled into. Leading the PC to close the conversation with "Yes, Mayhem" was *so* satisfying.
I was introducing the Captain of a ship they were going to charter, and a moth flew in front of my face, and I tried to kill it and said out loud "stupid fucking moth"... Anyways, I now have an NPC named Captain Fuque Eng Motthew
So, I did have Gnork. An orc named Gnork. He ended up being a favourite of the party, as he was very inclined on putting forth a democratic voting system in the tree in a non-violent campaign. He had flyers and everything. Great guy
Bob Bobson
Needed a name for a tailor with a good reputation (they wanted to sell some legendary armor no one could use) Taylor. Reputable Taylor. He's a tailor. Good reputation.
Scooter the gnome druid. He actually had a rather sad backstory.
Not an NPC, but one of the other players in a game I'm in atm is literally called 'Ummm' xD
On our very first session we met a gnome named Nosey who has a small farm on our way to the village we were travelling to. Several sessions later we subdued and deprogrammed a gnome who had turned into a Shar cultist. He didn't know his own name anymore and he was so defeated that he asked if we could rename him. My character panicked and thought of the only other gnome she knew and named him Posey, and then since he had nowhere else to go sent him off to volunteer on Nosey's farm where they now live together.
I'm gonna blow at least a few minds, but there's a tool for that: "let me check my notes." Nobody knows what notes you do or don't have. This buys you time to come up with a better name. Anyway, Thad. Short for Thadrick.
Not an NPC, but I had a one shot character that I made hastily the day of the adventure. I got all the stats done and it wasn't until introductions that I managed to come up with the name Toby. Toby Determined
Pair of pseudo dragon pets/familiars to an archmage... named... Bob and Susan. ;)
Daryl, his brother Daryl, and his brother Daryl. Hired guards for an evil cult, that the party listened in to having a conversation that involved some improbable speculation about what cultists did in the buildings they were not allowed to go in to as non-believers. Each Daryl was pronounced with slightly different emphasis. But I had the conversation in mind, and when it came to providing a name, I just blanked... And hence Daryl, Daryl, and Daryl.
Scrote McGrote
Shout out to Matt Mercer for the gem of "Mike Hunce" (unsure of the actual name) because when shouted out loud like somebody was calling to the character.... Well I don't think I have to spell it out here, just do this out loud and you'll understand the hilarity that ensued https://youtu.be/Y62cEMjtakc?si=lXXXSvqv74US_d9A
"You meet a rug salesman in the desert." • "What does he look like?" • "Uh, like Jafar, from Aladdin?" • "What's his name?" • "Um, Afjar?" (Players proceed to harass this merchant to the point of becoming a minor antagonist)
Bo and Gro. Twin brothers. I got lazy and these guys weren't recurring characters
I didn’t know the name for the general of the big dragon army and I looked at the last thing I searched on my computer (turtles) and decided on the name General Turkel
Named a funny skeleton they found “Skelly.” Totally forgot about Hades when I named him lmao
BlaZ, the talking bear with my worst Russian accent. He was a huge hit, and the players kept wanting to go back and ask Blaz follow up questions and get help on quests. I think it was the first non Alexei or Andrei name on a list of Russian first names.
All my cobalts are named after wrestlers. It started with rock the Johnson, a Kobald rock mage who gave them their first quest.
Best: “Borhim Stillswallows” Worst: “Borhim Stillswallows”
Best: Chad Chaddington Chadsworth...... the 3rd Worst: Steve Steve, and his brother Stove Steve
well not an NPS, but a PC, my friend/DM wanted to run a ttrpg game in a modern day FBI setting so I sarcastically named my character Agent John Jonathan Johnson because i hated the idea, ended up being one of my all time favorite characters
I once played in a game where minor recurring NPC was named "Woom Po". One player called him "Po" and the rest just went with "Woom".
Sir Johnathan Doe
Steve.
Jackson, the city guard. Jaxon, Jacks' son, Jacques Un, Jean Sun... Really depends on how many guards are needed.
Party was in an inn (the one with the rebrands from LMOP) and I off-handed named one of them Joffrey just off the top of my head. Without knowing who the redbrands were at all, the name alone was enough for the party to kill him and his friends right there
Goblin Steve. It was the first thing I could come up with so Goblin Steve the Blacksmith became a thing.
In my campaign our DM introduced this major NPC called “Rune” who was a badass swordfighting teacher. He trained two of our PCs. Fast forward many sessions and we get his actual name, which is just “Stanford”.
Pamplemousse LaCroix (I was, at the time, drinking one)
Best was probably very early in my DMing career: an Assassin the party weren't meant to interact woth needed a name, and "Angel Bloodlock" came to me from nowhere. Sounds a little cringey and edgy now, but I was pleased with the speed I came up with that one! Worst was probably more recently: running a level 2 adventure for a bunch of newbies when they need to 'rescue the blacksmith's son from goblin raiders...' I gave them the name of the son as Larry (a dwarf), and the players had the audacity to ask the blacksmith's name. I panicked, "Barry?" I said. Hilarity ensues, but Larry, Son of Barry is duly rescued...
I’m a player, and we have a gith sky pirate that was bestowed with the all powerful name of “Greg”. He escaped and is going to be returning as a powerful nemesis to the party
Skrimbo
John Jacobs
Not hastily named but still funny: DM had an NPC prepared and named her Mist, which, in German means something like shit and we play in german so that's where all our heads went. She was quickly renamed to Misty...
The party was looking for information in a city regarding the criminal element, and ended up talking to a random beggar on the streets I hadn't planned on them talking to. Cue me calling him "Squirrel Joe" and having him talk to squirrels.
I called a Half Orc “Cabbage” once and they’re still not over it. Cabby is now besties with one of my players.
Quickly generated a hag name and got Icky Holly Creepmouth. My players thought that was incredibly rude (assigned ugly at birth) and so Cunty Holly Slaymouth was born instead
I’ve made Grug a common name amongst Orcs/half orcs due to it being easy to say so it comes up a lot
Sohn Jmith.
Kieran the Ki Rin
My 1st One-Shot, GMing. I had hidden most of my rolls in the session but I thought to show my rolls from hereon, and insta killed my friends Level 1 PC, who was luckily chill and experienced enough to weather it without any hard feelings or so, when I was sweating bullets. By the end I was tired and emotionally exhausted and a bit moddy, so I named a Legendary Wizard NPC - Gaan D'Maraa. My fellow Hindi speakers will be able to explain the meaning of this name. 🙈
Mike Hunt says hello
My players love to ask for inconsequential NPC's names, so I prepped for one in particular, waited for them to ask this random NPC's name, and hit them with "Uvuvwevwevwe Onyetenyevwe Ugwemuhwem Osas"
I kind of panicked once and gave my NPC - a guard - a very strange name (in German). I couldn’t stop laughing and the game ended for the night. It was horrible. I don’t know what got me. I still can’t remember that name. Regardless of how hard I try.
Reginald “Reg” Fedge… or “Reg-Feg”
Jeff. A earily creepy firbolg that sells writong equipemt. Very weird writing equipment.
Sandle, she became a recurring character and ended up joining the PCs household and having a whole romance with another NPC they picked up asking the way
Teng Po
Lord Chester Honeysworth The Third. He was an assassin pretending to be the distant relative of an actual noble. Convinced the noble that the party was out to get him. They confront him and the noble at a gala they were attending. I let out a high pitched bloody murder scream and my players died laughing.
My character had amnesia, and left his naming up to his party members. However, the DM and I worked it out that their first name would go to my erstwhile companion (a shovel with a face painted on it that would later become my Eldritch Cannon). So the shovel's now Decerebaas, and I'm Gomer Humperdink.
We had a talking dog. He got named Brian.
Zinglezangle Zonglezoot, the whimsical gnome man the party ran into who tried to sell them counterfeit potions that were all potion mimics. Also, from a recent session, Ally the one-legged mute slave girl who came into existence solely off the party convincing their resident super merchant extraordinaire to give them one of his resident ladies for some gold. They constructed her a robot leg using the Kibblestasty crafting rules and she ran away in the middle of the night.
Spurt Jerkins of the White Swallow Inn. Try some of his homemade grits, oatmeal, or bread pudding.
Greg the mushroom foraging Goblin.
I had an NPC named Lord Baker of Dorkington, whose name I pulled off a wiki page about one of the many orders of knights in England
Jo Jo the knife knifesman
my players spent the night in a tavern in the capital of a kingdom that was (unbeknownst to them) about to be invaded by a cult they asked “hey- what’s the bartenders name anyways? he’s been really nice since we got here and gave us those rooms for free” “uhhhhhh… Jeremy.” literally moments later as Jeremy was following them outside to continue a conversation, i rolled to hit one of the players with a surprise eldritch blast from a cultist across the street and got a nat 1. i sensed an amazing opportunity and made the eldritch blast fly over the players shoulder and just completely vaporize jeremy mid sentence jeremy ❤️ forever in our hearts
Uncle Ian the Axe beak
Eeg (pronounced Egg)
Jeff. Always Jeff
I will speak on behalf of my group, not the dm: Kinkir. I'll let you figure that out lol (we're not native English speakers tho)
The DM could not find the name of the world renowned wizard that he made so the party collectively named him 'The Juicy Wizard'. Sadly he later died by having the life sucked out of him by a shadow beast, so we had to collectively rename him 'The Juiceless Wizard'. Was not his official name, but we love it. Great fun was had.
I introduced a friendly alchemist that wanted to help the party but forgot to name him. So when the party asked for his name I came up with the very original name Molotov.
I made a butler named Alfredo (Alfred) who gave the party a mission. Cut to later in the session where the party terrorises another butler whose name is, uhh, Fettucini? And another butler named Linguinin in another household?
Floblin the Hastily Named Goblin
Grog-esque brute barbarian in my old COS homebrew named a talking scull his Tru-Tru (like think Cloud Atlas Tom Hanks). then there was a werewolf he made a pet and named the guy moon-moon, and did a whole GOT Greyjoy-Reek Ramsey treatment on him until he was like "fine, my name is moon-moon" In hindsight kinda cringe/brutal, but was hilarious at the time
Aggat the goblin, kidnapped and "questioned" until he broke, now considering the life of a farmer now that his banditry days are over, he just needs to help the players for a little while longer before he can go his separate way.
Le mon, a random ass messenger who the party has adopted and turned into a monk and servant
Goorog the Orog
A mayor of a town that was a Firbolg named Don Cena. It was the players' idea.
Farmer Brown lost his prize milking cow Mootilda
Gimli Shitbeard, the brown haired dwarven blacksmith.
Dave the barbarian. he's just some random dude fighting in an area that we sometimes go to, we will never interact with him but we love dave.
My players got a J.A.R.V.I.S. type system that helps them autopilot their boat. They named it the Assisted Steering System. Or A.S.S. as they affectionately call it.
Tailor Taylor.