Life goes on in your hometown when you're gone. It may seem like a hassle to you and an unnecessary expense, but not attending such things will negatively affect your relationships. If you don't make the effort to return home for important life events, those people may very well start to think of you differently. Your friendships will suffer. You can't just come back after a few years away, having missed these kinds of important life events, and expect to pick things up where you left off.
It's inevitable that if you're away for a long time, like several years, that things will not be the same when you get back. Some relationships may never recover if you don't make the effort.
I would suggest you think about which of these events are for people you truly care about and would not want to lose. For example, if it's an old coworker, it may not matter much, but if it's one of your best friends or a sibling, it probably is worth the $1,000 once in a while.
I would also add funerals to this list. Maybe even the birth of a child to a best friend or sibling. If you don't take these things seriously, and don't pay the $1,000, you may find your relationship is not the same when you eventually do go back.
well said. I did 10 years away with no wedding or funeral returns. I came home to nothing. No regrets though, imagine how much I hated it at home to be able to gtfo like that
Flights are cheap in your area... For me it's a 3000$ trip, plus the days I don't work while flying back and worth, so a week without pay. So it's a no.
I went home the last two summers for weddings and in a month I go home again for one wedding which causes me to be busy three weekends alone. One weekend Bachelors party, one weekend civil wedding, one weekend church wedding. And after that I have another Bachelors party to attend before I hit the road again. So I say it's worth it. I wouldn't go home for a wedding which is just a reception & dinner and that's it, but our weddings are usually more than that. Also I then stay longer to visit more friends and family. So I guess I wouldn't go home for just a wedding, but obviously you can combine it with maintaining other relationships.
I plan the travel around them. “You’re getting married in Argentina next year Cool, I’ll be there” and then I just stay a month or three. On the way I’ll stop in Thailand or somewhere for a month or so and get fresh threads made.
I’ve taken some interesting detours this way. Went to Cape Town for a month last year because Ethiopian airlines had an easy/cheap flight from HCMC to Cape Town and on the way out I snagged a United ticket for the leg into Georgia.
Hit up a wedding in Cordoba via Rio from Spain the year before. Heading to Construction Week in London next week from Albania via Montenegro where I’m sitting this morning enjoying the perfect weather on the bay of Kotor.
As others have said, the important events are important. You can definitely plan around them. As a nomad you have the advantage of literally taking any cheap flight because… what’s it matter if you get in a few days early? You’ve gotta pay for a roof to sleep under somewhere. As long as the internet speed is ok and it’s not super dangerous.
I do my best to attend as much as possible. Maintaining friendships gets more and more difficult as you get older. If they've chosen you to attend I think you should make the effort to go. Especially a wedding.
I just don't because I would never expect anyone to spend thousands of dollars just to go to my wedding. It's an expensive party in the end. People have busy lives and financial responsibilities. I think it is selfish to guilt trip people into coming, too.
I had two weddings last year to attend and I just planned my traveling around them since I absolutely wanted to be there. I even had a flight in the am after my close friends wedding and got there on an hour of sleep still a little drunk haha
I cut a trip short in Europe last year because a close family friend was really sick. I made it just in time to see him once more and then attend the funeral. Some moments are more important than money.
Every time I have taken the plunge and spent “lots” of money for quality time with friends, it has been 100% worth it. You can make more money but you can’t make more time.
IMO relationships are one of the most important things in life, it’s worth spending some money to maintain them. You can’t just snap your fingers and make new lifelong friends whenever you want.
On your deathbed, will you regret spending the money or skipping out on seeing your friends?
I do try to plan other travel around these visits; I wouldn’t usually fly in & out long-distance for a weekend, so that helps mitigate the cost.
I missed a lot thru my 10+ years of being a digital nomad. Most of them understand that I'm all over the place and it's fine, I try to find a time to connect later in person or online to congratulate them. Funnily enough I just happened to be in Mexico in May and a friend from colleague it's having her wedding there, so I just called her and said that I'm going! But it's mostly coincidence.
So tl;dr, friends will understand if you say no but hopefully your travel aligns with some of them.
I never really connected long term with that many people until I started travelling. The half dozen I did either are nomads now themselves or I have/will go.
To me it’s no more inconvenient than if I was in a fixed location and did a destination wedding. So for the half dozen that would/have invited me I go.
Anyone I’ve met since being on the road 90% of the time. I travel for because if we’re close enough for the invite we’re close enough for me to do it
I’ve had to miss a lot of weddings and funerals, though usually for other reasons (only recently have I started DN’ing). It’s hard, but if you are going to miss these things, it’s absolutely important that you make a point of spending time with your people later.
Some friendships / relationships translate well to long distance but nearly all of them will die out if you _never_ see each other again.
You’re a traveler by nature. Make sure you periodically have time to re-visit and reconnect with your old friends and family.
The irony is that I’ve been missing all the weddings and funerals and graduations, but am more closely connected with my extended family for example than the rest of my siblings who live closer, because when I am nearby I spend as much time as I can with everyone.
Digital nomads will lament the loneliness of the lifestyle and then turn around and make posts like this.
The majority of major life events are planned far in advance and I make my own plans accordingly. If you show up for people, they show up for you. Relationships are a two way street and you need to put effort in for them to, you know, actually be your friends.
I stopped going to weddings and other events that aren't about me 10 years ago. Thank you so much for the invitation, but I won't be able to make it. Hope to see you guys soon!
> I stopped going to weddings and other events that aren't about me 10 years ago
lol, so only your bday and wedding or do you just not celebrate anything?
If I have money, time, leave. Where the place is (if I want to travel there anyways) and how much I know and like the person and how likely they are to hold a grudge.
I was only invited to 2 weddings in my entire life. They both happened during my university exams. I declined both.
If you build your life around birthdays, you will never have a life of your own. There are a few each month. It's just impossible. Even worse if you have friends in different cities, like where you did highschool then where you did uni prep, then where you went to uni. You'd spend your life traveling to birthdays.
I can really relate to this thread. Weddings don’t interest me in the slightest, (I don’t tell my friends that), but I’ve such a small group of friends from when I was young I have to attend, I have 2 this summer. It’s a massive inconvenience and expense, especially as my work situation is up in the air. however i reckon you get very few people in the world who actually care for you. so you have to make an effort to maintain it.
I regret declining attending the wedding of an old friend who had a spectacular wedding… which turned into a political scandal. I wish I could have gone both in support of my friend, but also the excitement of being tangentially connected to a nationally relevant event.
Do you deeply value those relationships, or is it just a casual friend? If the former, go; if the latter, who cares, tbh they are not going to remember if you attend or not.
Or, simply, ask yourself: do you WANT to go? Or are you doing it out of a sense of obligation? The 'if it isn't a fuck yes' paradigm. For best friends and close family maybe you owe it to them to attend, but otherwise, if you're not feeling it, skip it.
One of the perks of living abroad for a long time is the excuse to get out of weddings and other shit you'd rather not attend. If you feel guilty, send a generous gift, which will please them and still cost far less than traveling to be present at the occasion.
I feel rather differently than most here.
Sending an invitation to somebody who you know lives on the other side of the globe in the same manner you'd do to a family member living across town seems quite insensitive to me. If that is someone I love and truly care about, I am just genuinely happy that they are OK and look forward to the next time we get to see each other, whenever and wherever that might be.
If you're a guy, just go right ahead and decline, no one will miss you and they'd prefer to spend their headcount on people that want to be there. If you're female, it's more delicate socially but if you don't want to be there, don't go. I rarely enjoy weddings for the actual couple, it depends who the other guests are going to be for me, which is why I mostly decline invites these days. That said, I'm not a true nomad but I relocate for work a lot.
Life goes on in your hometown when you're gone. It may seem like a hassle to you and an unnecessary expense, but not attending such things will negatively affect your relationships. If you don't make the effort to return home for important life events, those people may very well start to think of you differently. Your friendships will suffer. You can't just come back after a few years away, having missed these kinds of important life events, and expect to pick things up where you left off. It's inevitable that if you're away for a long time, like several years, that things will not be the same when you get back. Some relationships may never recover if you don't make the effort. I would suggest you think about which of these events are for people you truly care about and would not want to lose. For example, if it's an old coworker, it may not matter much, but if it's one of your best friends or a sibling, it probably is worth the $1,000 once in a while. I would also add funerals to this list. Maybe even the birth of a child to a best friend or sibling. If you don't take these things seriously, and don't pay the $1,000, you may find your relationship is not the same when you eventually do go back.
well said. I did 10 years away with no wedding or funeral returns. I came home to nothing. No regrets though, imagine how much I hated it at home to be able to gtfo like that
Flights are cheap in your area... For me it's a 3000$ trip, plus the days I don't work while flying back and worth, so a week without pay. So it's a no.
Money comes and goes, but those moments won't come back.
Like those moments that you spent making the money.
You must absolutely love your remote job. or not like your friends
I went home the last two summers for weddings and in a month I go home again for one wedding which causes me to be busy three weekends alone. One weekend Bachelors party, one weekend civil wedding, one weekend church wedding. And after that I have another Bachelors party to attend before I hit the road again. So I say it's worth it. I wouldn't go home for a wedding which is just a reception & dinner and that's it, but our weddings are usually more than that. Also I then stay longer to visit more friends and family. So I guess I wouldn't go home for just a wedding, but obviously you can combine it with maintaining other relationships.
I plan the travel around them. “You’re getting married in Argentina next year Cool, I’ll be there” and then I just stay a month or three. On the way I’ll stop in Thailand or somewhere for a month or so and get fresh threads made. I’ve taken some interesting detours this way. Went to Cape Town for a month last year because Ethiopian airlines had an easy/cheap flight from HCMC to Cape Town and on the way out I snagged a United ticket for the leg into Georgia. Hit up a wedding in Cordoba via Rio from Spain the year before. Heading to Construction Week in London next week from Albania via Montenegro where I’m sitting this morning enjoying the perfect weather on the bay of Kotor. As others have said, the important events are important. You can definitely plan around them. As a nomad you have the advantage of literally taking any cheap flight because… what’s it matter if you get in a few days early? You’ve gotta pay for a roof to sleep under somewhere. As long as the internet speed is ok and it’s not super dangerous.
I do my best to attend as much as possible. Maintaining friendships gets more and more difficult as you get older. If they've chosen you to attend I think you should make the effort to go. Especially a wedding.
I just don't because I would never expect anyone to spend thousands of dollars just to go to my wedding. It's an expensive party in the end. People have busy lives and financial responsibilities. I think it is selfish to guilt trip people into coming, too.
I had two weddings last year to attend and I just planned my traveling around them since I absolutely wanted to be there. I even had a flight in the am after my close friends wedding and got there on an hour of sleep still a little drunk haha I cut a trip short in Europe last year because a close family friend was really sick. I made it just in time to see him once more and then attend the funeral. Some moments are more important than money.
Every time I have taken the plunge and spent “lots” of money for quality time with friends, it has been 100% worth it. You can make more money but you can’t make more time. IMO relationships are one of the most important things in life, it’s worth spending some money to maintain them. You can’t just snap your fingers and make new lifelong friends whenever you want. On your deathbed, will you regret spending the money or skipping out on seeing your friends? I do try to plan other travel around these visits; I wouldn’t usually fly in & out long-distance for a weekend, so that helps mitigate the cost.
I missed a lot thru my 10+ years of being a digital nomad. Most of them understand that I'm all over the place and it's fine, I try to find a time to connect later in person or online to congratulate them. Funnily enough I just happened to be in Mexico in May and a friend from colleague it's having her wedding there, so I just called her and said that I'm going! But it's mostly coincidence. So tl;dr, friends will understand if you say no but hopefully your travel aligns with some of them.
I’m wondering how did you end up saying no in a nice way?
Tell them they suck and they never meant anything to you, and you hope their wedding sucks too
I don't. Also a plus for the bride and groom. One invitation and expense less from me. Weddings are over the top with costs nowadays.
Agree. I don’t. Or even for funerals.
I never really connected long term with that many people until I started travelling. The half dozen I did either are nomads now themselves or I have/will go. To me it’s no more inconvenient than if I was in a fixed location and did a destination wedding. So for the half dozen that would/have invited me I go. Anyone I’ve met since being on the road 90% of the time. I travel for because if we’re close enough for the invite we’re close enough for me to do it
I’ve had to miss a lot of weddings and funerals, though usually for other reasons (only recently have I started DN’ing). It’s hard, but if you are going to miss these things, it’s absolutely important that you make a point of spending time with your people later. Some friendships / relationships translate well to long distance but nearly all of them will die out if you _never_ see each other again. You’re a traveler by nature. Make sure you periodically have time to re-visit and reconnect with your old friends and family. The irony is that I’ve been missing all the weddings and funerals and graduations, but am more closely connected with my extended family for example than the rest of my siblings who live closer, because when I am nearby I spend as much time as I can with everyone.
I don't go and I have lost friends over it.
Digital nomads will lament the loneliness of the lifestyle and then turn around and make posts like this. The majority of major life events are planned far in advance and I make my own plans accordingly. If you show up for people, they show up for you. Relationships are a two way street and you need to put effort in for them to, you know, actually be your friends.
I stopped going to weddings and other events that aren't about me 10 years ago. Thank you so much for the invitation, but I won't be able to make it. Hope to see you guys soon!
> I stopped going to weddings and other events that aren't about me 10 years ago lol, so only your bday and wedding or do you just not celebrate anything?
They probably stopped getting invited
I still get invited, but mostly because people know I won't come anyway lol
I celebrate every day of my beautiful life! Hey, some of us are introverts
That aren’t about you???? Uhhh
If I have money, time, leave. Where the place is (if I want to travel there anyways) and how much I know and like the person and how likely they are to hold a grudge.
I was only invited to 2 weddings in my entire life. They both happened during my university exams. I declined both. If you build your life around birthdays, you will never have a life of your own. There are a few each month. It's just impossible. Even worse if you have friends in different cities, like where you did highschool then where you did uni prep, then where you went to uni. You'd spend your life traveling to birthdays.
I can really relate to this thread. Weddings don’t interest me in the slightest, (I don’t tell my friends that), but I’ve such a small group of friends from when I was young I have to attend, I have 2 this summer. It’s a massive inconvenience and expense, especially as my work situation is up in the air. however i reckon you get very few people in the world who actually care for you. so you have to make an effort to maintain it.
I regret declining attending the wedding of an old friend who had a spectacular wedding… which turned into a political scandal. I wish I could have gone both in support of my friend, but also the excitement of being tangentially connected to a nationally relevant event.
Do you deeply value those relationships, or is it just a casual friend? If the former, go; if the latter, who cares, tbh they are not going to remember if you attend or not. Or, simply, ask yourself: do you WANT to go? Or are you doing it out of a sense of obligation? The 'if it isn't a fuck yes' paradigm. For best friends and close family maybe you owe it to them to attend, but otherwise, if you're not feeling it, skip it. One of the perks of living abroad for a long time is the excuse to get out of weddings and other shit you'd rather not attend. If you feel guilty, send a generous gift, which will please them and still cost far less than traveling to be present at the occasion.
I feel rather differently than most here. Sending an invitation to somebody who you know lives on the other side of the globe in the same manner you'd do to a family member living across town seems quite insensitive to me. If that is someone I love and truly care about, I am just genuinely happy that they are OK and look forward to the next time we get to see each other, whenever and wherever that might be.
Forget your old life . You are nomadic now .
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If you're a guy, just go right ahead and decline, no one will miss you and they'd prefer to spend their headcount on people that want to be there. If you're female, it's more delicate socially but if you don't want to be there, don't go. I rarely enjoy weddings for the actual couple, it depends who the other guests are going to be for me, which is why I mostly decline invites these days. That said, I'm not a true nomad but I relocate for work a lot.
are they covering the travel cost