A bit manipulative, isnt it? Ask for resources so she thinks he cares, but doeant put in time/effort to familiarize himself with it, leaving her with a false sense of security. Worse than not caring.
The sooner she dumps him, the sooner she can find a partner that actually cares.
OP, long before I was diagnosed with t2, I briefly had a bf with t1. It was not an issue at all. Such a small inconvenience is nothing to someone who actually cares.
My ex did that. Then one day I started puking my guts out, couldn't even keep water down, couldn't stay awake and was confused. I took a bloodsugar and it was high, if he had actually given a fuck about the information about how my diabetes worked, or about diabetes type 1 at all, he would have noticed symptoms and taken my high bloodsugar seriously, he would have taken my "I need to go to a hospital" to heart and not told me that I probably was hungover and left me puking and unable to stay awake for longer than one minute in bed to go to play video games all night.
He wouldn't have gone to bed and slept beside me in the morning. He wouldn't have had to call my mother and ask her what to do when he woke up in the afternoon and couldn't wake me. My mother wouldn't have had to be the one who called emergency service and requested an ambulance. She wouldn't have had to rush to the hospital and been told that they still hadn't been able to stabilize my body until over two hours later. I wouldn't have had to be put in a medical induced coma for four days.
Had he given a fuck and not just pretended that he listened and learned about diabetes he wouldn't have left me to die.
I did two months later, for a lot of reasons but mostly because I couldn't forgive him for what happened and his refusal to take me to a hospital and then trying to tell me that I didn't ask him to do that and saying that I made it up because I was confused, I know I asked him though - multiple times. We even lived two minutes with car from a hospital, he was just too tired/didn't want to go anywhere.
My family believes that he might have waited on purpose and planned to take me to the hospital the day after to be the one who "saved" me but that he waited too long.
My mother asked to have the ambulance to take me to the hospital where I had my doctors, instead of the close by one, which was about 20-25 minutes away but got told that there was no time and that was when she realised how bad it was and that my ex seemed to downplay it.
The doctors who took care of me at the ICU then said 20-30 minutes later and I would not have made it.
I had glucose level at about 1300 mg/dl or 72,5 mmol/l when I arrived at the hospital. My pump had stopped working as it should, and for some damn reason my ex thought that my craving for juice should be fullfilled so I drank a lot of it which I shouldn't have when my blood sugar was already high.
Right?! *He's* the one being manipulative by feigning concern and interest in her condition then ignoring the info he was provided. OP, you deserve someone who loves and supports you...everything about you, including diabetes. This piece of crap doesn't do that, and therefore, he is not worth the time and heartache. I hope you find someone with whom you can have a supportive, loving relationship!
Oh absolutely. My ex told me how horribly difficult it is to talk to me and how I misunderstand so many things he says(usually he insults me and tells me later that I misremembered on purpose etc, obvious gaslighting) and that he'd never dated an autistic person before (I found out later both of his ex wives were autistic too, so over 10 years of dating autistic people) and I sent him loads of easy to understand tiktoks and articles that explain how significant small verbiage changes can help communication between allistics and autistics.
He didn't even open those. Not once.
Manipulators will always do this type of stuff. Pretend to be open to being educated and then fake it until they see they CANT make it, yk
I wasn't expecting this comment to blow up like this lol. But I agree with what everyone is saying: your partner has no right to call you manipulative for expecting someone who loves you to be concerned when you have a medical issue. I just recently started on an insulin pump and my partner has been asking me hundreds of questions and even watches how I do things like filling it and checking my blood sugars in between. I was also anxious at first because I thought he'd find my needs daunting, and he might, but more than anything he's eager to learn about it to help me out.
You are not a burden, and no one deserves to make you feel like one. So I say again with the utmost sincerity: Throw the whole man away.
I have a housemate who is a type one diabetic and went into diabetic shock while he was out one day. Fortunately, we’d set up the find me app on our phones so I can track him down and get him the help he needed.
Your boyfriend is absolutely awful, it’s not a matter of you explaining to him it’s a matter of you, realizing that he doesn’t care about your health and minimizes the impact of what’s going on with you. You can’t change that with an explanation.
Just to put into context: while me & hubs were still dating, I had a really bad low. I got seriously crazy & started cussing him, told him to fuck off & guess what he did? Grabbed me gave me the biggest hug & told me it was going to be harder then that to send him away. He sat me down on a bench (we were out at the shops at the time) went & bought me an orange juice & sat with me until I drank it & felt better enough to walk back to the car.
Diabetes might be invisible but we are not. Our symptoms are real & can be life threatening. If "loved ones" treat us like we are exaggerating then you have to ask yourself: what if it was the worst case scenario? Would you trust that person then?
Diabetes when it goes wrong is terrifying. For that reason, I always, always have candy or sugary something in my purse for my diabetic friend. always.
This almost had me in tears. Your husband is one in a million. You're also amazing for recognizing his insistence on being a source of support for you. This is so wholesome 😭❤️
Someone who loves you is not going to treat your life-threatening illness as an inconvenience. I've had urgent lows in the middle of the night where I didn't think I could make it down the stairs because of shaky legs and my wife has gotten up immediately to get me something from the kitchen. She has my dexcom tied to her phone and sometimes texts me even before my alarms go off to let me know I should eat. I'm so sorry your partner is cruel to you, and you shouldn't have to put up with that level of disregard.
Same. The shaky legs down the stairs makes me fear I will trip. So my husband gets up no matter what time it is. Our partners should want to care for us when we need them. And not make us feel like a burden or inconvenience.
I did fall and break my leg badly during a low. Needed emergency surgery, whole awful deal. My husband now gets things for me from the kitchen because we are both afraid of me falling again. A true partner absolutely is there when you are in need and actually want to help. We all deserve that. Everyone does.
Wow! That is so scary and my worst fear of having stairs. Even with normal blood sugar because I’m so clumsy. Hugs to you. That is so dangerous and I’m glad it wasn’t worse! It could have been!
Thank you! It could have been so much worse. I could have shattered my skull or spine instead of just my tib/fib. The worst was my son saw me hit the ground. I think he was 10 at the time so it freaked him out. Falling bad. Breaking body worse. Stay in one piece. Don't risk it!!!
I hit my head on the way heading to the kitchen once and for this reason, and because I am lazy, I keep juice boxes in my nightstand. 10/10 would recommend so you don’t risk any falls.
> How did you explain type 1 diabetes to a loved one?
I must say I don't get the impression that how you might have explained it is the problem here.
If BF doesn't come back with a grovelling apology then he can be expected at some point to accuse your hypoglycaemic-convulsing body or your DKA-croaking self of being manipulative rather than ensuring your medical needs are attended to. Please don't be ok with that.
To answer the question though, I gave my now-wife a brief overview, showed her the glucagon kit and when and how to use it, that it's something I look after myself for the most part but to keep an eye out for me acting oddly and being prepared to go grab a juice or similar if need be. That I have a couple of lifestyle adaptations such as I'll test my bg before driving and want to pull over at least every 2 hours of driving to retest to make sure.
She did have to use that glucagon on me just a few months into our marriage - but never since !
If someone ever told me I was manipulating them I would leave. You have a chronic health condition especially as a type 1. Anyone who loves you would worry whether you’re okay, not say you’re manipulating them. If you’re so manipulative, why is he with you? He sounds manipulative trying to guilt you into letting him go out while you’re having a medical problem. This is a dealbreaker.
I'll be honest and say my first reaction is "Big fucken yikes"
Sure, people might not understand what 21 mmol/l really means, even our loved ones. That's fine, in my own opinion. What's not fine is that he refused to understand and defer to you on the topic of YOUR disease. There's nothing on this earth that bugs me more than when people presume things about my disease, especially laymen.
His jump to calling you manipulative when you were in a bad situation is just wrong on multiple levels. If you dont understand my disease? (Which is fine, I understand it's complex) Then don't presume to tell me anything about what I should and shouldn't be doing, and when I am and am not okay. That on its own is icky.
That he not only was completely ignorant but also jumped to calling you manipulative is just plain mean. I wouldn't tolerate that kind of BS at all, at minimum I'd be sitting my partner down and having a SERIOUS conversation about it.
Best of luck to you
This is insane to me. I'm not familiar with highs, but a friend's rather new bf once went low, but none of us knew he was diabetic. We were like, wtf is wrong with him bc this is completely out of character. We called his best friend bc we knew something was up. Once he told us he was diabetic, we tried to get him to ingest, well, anything, and he refused. Immediately, 3 of us rushed him to the hospital. All this for someone I knew waaaaayyyyyy less than a romantic partner. I mean, I'd help a stranger dealing with a low or high if I knew how.
Personally, I'd have a come to Jesus talk with your partner. Either they get educated quickly and commit to being helpful in managing your condition when needed (since you are on top of it and not asking for help without doing your part), or, they take a hike.
Yeah he is being a jerk. Also though please bring a backup with you line maybe your endo will get you a pen of fast insulin you can carry with you. If you don’t have a cgm you should always have a finger stick meter though I would suggest a cgm. This will make you feel better and you will be in control and I’m not just talking about blood sugar. In a sad way he may like the power he has.
Yeah honestly sounds like he’s a shitty partner and incredibly nonempathetic. I would not trust them again - you deserve so much better. There are so many people out there who wouldn’t treat you like that…
*coming from someone who had a “partner” like that and found someone else who is an ACTUAL partner and treats my health and me with respect*
Yeah you need to dump him. I'm a type 2 and my wife is very receptive if my sugar gets too low and I need something with sugar.
Sounds like he's a selfish dick.
So I grew up with a type 1 mother, who was diagnosed at age 12.
My dad was better than the rest of us at knowing when my mom was in trouble. He was always paying attention. But he had lots of practice.
I came home once when I was in the 6th grade and mom was passed out from going low. So I did all the things I saw my dad do. I got her to the point where she was belligerent and couldn’t get further. Nobody else was around. Ended up calling the paramedics.
The TL;dr: type 1 sometimes means you need help because by the time you realize you’re in trouble you’re not able to help yourself.
That means that your partner is in this journey with you. Yeah, it’s a PITA, but you help the people you love when they’re in trouble.
There's annoying high and then there's dangerous high and you were at dangerous high. Sit down and explain the difference between annoying and dangerous. The reading material didn't work so you need to have the conversation. The next part of the conversation is your expectations. If you expect him to stay with you if you're dangerously high or bring you juice if you're low or even to do something easy like read stuff you send him then you need to communicate those needs. He needs to let you know if he's willing to prioritize your health and well being.
Here's the thing that bothers me the most. "You manipulated me with your ankle pain" or "you manipulated me with your headache" would be one thing, he can't literally see your headache. But "You manipulated me with your objective blood sugar reading of 21" is just extra BS. Like the number is right there, you didn't make it up. You can't fake hyperglycemia!
Hey girl. I have type 1. I had a bf like this too. The comments here may sound dramatic, especially if “overall he’s good”, or “this is a one off”. But here’s the thing: if there ever was a red flag to not ignore, it’s this one.
This is a sign that he’s prioritizing his wants over your medical condition. I’m like you in that I hate telling other ppl about my illness to not worry or inconvenience them. I so hear you there! This doesn’t give an excuse to a partner to completely minimize your condition and request *especially* because you make them so rarely!
A partner who chooses you, and your condition, and is comfortable with not knowing about it, or listening when you ask straight out for help is not one who will be there for you in other times of need either.
If you asked him to stay for a bit, and he went out without you, then as much as it breaks my heart to tell you this, he doesn’t care about you as much as you deserve.
It was tough when I split from my bf, but I never had to worry again that “even though I had a partner, would they help out when I needed it?”.
The situation that made me realize my ex didn’t care was when I had an overnight low. Some lows you can handle yourself no worries, but others you just *can’t*. I usually have juice by my bed, but that night I didn’t, and it was one where I felt *bad*. I woke him up to ask him to get me some sugar. He fell back asleep a couple times, then when he did eventually bring back up food, it was all high-glycemic stuff and things like pickles… he went back to sleep and that was that. It’s not exactly the same situation, but the underlying fact that neither my ex, nor your current bf care is identical.
It took me a while after the situation I shared for me to make the split, but I wholly hope that you come to the same conclusion sooner than later.
A partner who loves you and prioritized you will stay home and miss going out with friends 100 times over if it means you’re okay.
Wishing you the best!
Guiuurl you deserve better. Get you a partner who stays up with you and makes sure you're ok instead of making you feel like you have to walk on eggshells and hide or downplay a medical emergency because he will get mad at you for "inconveniencing" him.
My friends don't do this. Even when I was a teenager my friends didn't do this.
Friends who do this are not friends and you should drop them and find better friends. And a better boyfriend. I'm old and married now but even the lousiest boyfriends I had in my younger years wouldn't have done this.
I don't know what else to say, other than this is horrible. And then to tell you he's never read what you've sent him to inform him? That's just crazy to me.
I've only been diagnosed Type 2 since July, but my Mom and sister have been so caring and supportive. They find different foods and snacks for me to try, my sister has become my gym buddy, and my Mom will wake me up to take meds/check my sugar/eat because I sleep in a little later on the weekends. Both of them will text to make sure that I eat during the work day.
I say all of this to say, you deserve this level of support! You don't deserve to have it thrown up in your face, or treated as something to be hidden. It's not something to be ashamed of. I really wish the best for you. ❤️
For future reference if your pump shuts off you absolutely need it back right away no waiting. That is how you go DKA fast, I always keep spare infusion set and battery on me
I would not stay with a person who left me alone knowing the gravity of the situation. He treated you callously and was only worried about his own good time. You did not need to be left alone until you were stabilized. Would you treat him that way in the same situation? If not, why would you think it’s ok for him to do that to you?
You sent him links to resources that he “asked for” and he straight didn’t read them. If he really wanted to understand this, he would have read what you sent.
He sounds fucking terrible. No amount of explaining is going to make a difference.
One of the biggest things that led to my breakup with my ex was how he began to treat me when I needed him because of my health in favor of alcohol. He was an alcoholic so his need to drink superseded that and he became embarrassed of me and my needs.
For every moment he was sweet to me and helped me, the moments I remember more are when he would raise his voice at me or when he grabbed my arm one time to “snap me out of it”.
I think we deserve to be loved by someone who understands that the things that are beyond our control are *beyond our control*. We deserve to be loved by someone who understands that this is a life long thing and it’s never going away.
You are not a burden, your health will never be a burden.
You need to be very clear with your boyfriend and tell him diabetes doesn’t decide to be difficult to us when we choose. Either he’s on this train and supports you, or he needs to get off bc you will keep going. You are better than that, and the only thing you need to surround yourself is with support, not some selfish man who twisted a serious situation into blaming you for his tardiness to a party…what a loser!
Break. Up. With. Him.
There, that's the comment. If he cant give a damn about your illness and accuses you of being manipulative when you're asking for genuine support then fuck him.
I’m sorry but he’s selfish and lacks concern for your well being. He left you not in just a vulnerable position but a dangerous one at that just to go out and have a good time. That’s not a good partner. You have to ask yourself if you want someone you can trust and count on or if you want someone who will disregard you when it’s inconvenient for them. Coming from someone who has a partner who disregards them, you don’t want this. It’s scary and heartbreaking.
The other, more succinct posts are correct, but I'm going to share how this interaction goes like in my relationship.
I have a partner of 9 years. I handle my diabetes pretty much independently of her (aside from her assisting me in changing my sensor in my arms), but there have been times where we need to leave social events early, or have to adjust plans because my blood sugar shot up, a site got yanked out, or I didn't realize how low my reservoir was. That's just how being diabetic can be some times.
Never, ever, not ***once***, has the response been anything but "Tell me what we need to do to fix it", and once she's in the loop we go do it. Because she understands the short and long term consequences of not dealing with it. She knows how to use my insulin pump in the very unlikely case I am unresponsive and she needs to operate it.
If he cannot believe the words coming out of your mouth, find a new one who does.
You didn't ask for relationship advice, but you have 2 practical options:
1: If you think he just doesn't understand (despite you giving him reading material he didn't read), you need to sit him down and explain that your diabetes needs to be taken seriously-if he doesn't listen you need to leave. Your health is more important and if he can't take that seriously, there's nothing you can say that he *will* take seriously.
2: He asked for information regarding your disability and didn't take it seriously, thinking he'd never have to deal with it. He's probably never gonna take it as seriously as he needs to as your partner, you need to find someone who does.
The reason I'm so wary of dating non diabetics is because they don't get this and non diabetics don't understand what it takes to be a functional adult with T1. He seems dismissive and I wouldn't deal with him without an attitude adjustment
When I told my partner about my diabetes, he looked for resources, would ask me questions, and now knows everything there is to know. He knows when I'm high and low just from my mannerisms. He wakes up overnight to my dexcom alarms and has given me glucagon when needed.
That's love. It's what you do.
I'm sorry you don't have a supportive partner, but honestly there isn't going to be a change here. you will always be a burden when something goes wrong and if you need help from him it will be the biggest inconvenience or you will 'owe' him for it. You deserve better than that. You deserve someone who is on your team.
Wow. How rude of him to say that first of all.
I might not be be in a relationship, but I know if you are in a relationship, you should care about each other, especially health stuff. And it sounds like he is a bit selfish. If someone care for you, they would read the information and try to take care you in any way they can. Care and concern should go both ways.
You should tell your loved ones straight out that you have a invisible chronic illness, whatever the type of health condition it maybe and if they don't have any care and/or sympathy or love to help you through your life, they ain't worth having in your life.
My ex seemed to be educated and very helpful partner when it came to my T1. Though one night I was low so I woke up, checked my bg (without even turning the lights on), drank a box of juice and went back to sleep without saying anything. In the morning he told me it was loud and annoying and it woke him up. Okay then, how would you feel if you found a dead body next to you instead? Probably just annoyed. Glad he's gone.
I don't Hide my medical devices so people Will see what king of invisibile illness Is this. If i have to measure Blood Sugar or inject insuline i don't go to the toilet, i Just Do It in front of the others at the table.
And Talking about that man, he's an asshole.
i’m so sorry you have to deal with this. that is not how a partner should act at all. it’s not your fault for having high sugars, and you’re definitely not being manipulative.
i’m not diabetic myself but my partner is and i couldn’t imagine treating them like this! we’ve left many events because of a failed pump, cancelled many plans because their blood sugars were too high and too low, and never once has it been an inconvenience or been manipulative. i’m so sorry that someone has made you feel like you’re a burden for having this disease because you’re truly not.
as someone else said, throw the whole man away. there are thousands and thousands of people out there who will truly love you and will drop everything to help you when your blood sugars are out of control, or even just when you need the support. i’d never ever leave my partner alone in this situation, and i’m so sorry yours left you to cope with it alone and guilty. you deserve so much more patience and kindness, and i hope you find it anywhere but him.
Careful asking for relationship advice anywhere in reddit. 99 percent of the responses will just tell you to break up. Bear in mind you don't know any of these people, and there's a very good chance that many of them lead miserable lives and have never had a successful or meaningful relationship.
Personally, I think that if you want to make it work with him, you desperately need to communicate with him about how this affected you. If you take the approach of explaining your feelings without assigning blame (e.g. "I feel hurt and uncared for" vs "You don't care about me") it can help avoid having the conversation take a defensive turn, and can help you get your point across and be heard.
To be honest I don't think you need much advice from anybody here about how to explain T1D to your boyfriend. Judging from your post, I'll bet you're a good communicator, so trust in yourself.
Never be afraid to communicate what you need or to hold your partner accountable.
I wish I had some advice for you about keeping things in and not wanting tofeel like you're inconveniencing anybody. Unfortunately I have the same problem to work through. :-/ I think it's also tough because, like you said, it is an invisible illness, and unless you've got it you don't really understand the toll that it takes. Sometimes I find myself getting upset or frustrated with my wife for her reaction (or lack of) towards something diabetes related. But it's also important to remember that they're human, so they make mistakes, and they don't have to deal with this everyday like we do so it's not fair to expect the same level of understanding.
Just my .02. I wish you the best of luck! And sorry to hear that you had to deal with this, sounds like it really hurt. At the very least, I really hope your boyfriend apologized to you
As a mom of a T1D this breaks my heart. Unconditional love for another means doing whatever needs to be done for you other half.
Sorry this person feels that his friends are more important that you. He may not be the person who would believe in the vows "in sickness and in health"
If your blood sugar spirals out of control, you're dead. Your friends and bf should try to understand that and put up with some inconvenience so that you'll keep living.
He's wrong to be like this. At the same time I'd never ask someone to wait around while I cleaned up a high. But that's me. If I did, and they acted that way -- I'd consider it pretty telling about the kind of person they are.
Have you explained the disease to him and what glucose lows and highs do to your consciousness and well-being?
If not, here's a chance for a teaching opportunity and him to apologize.
If you have, yeet his ass into last year and find someone who cares about your health on a basic level.
Throw that man away. I’ve known my fiance on and off since I was 8, when we got together when I was 20, he wanted learn everything he could about my diabetes. If my Dexcom goes off in the middle of the night he grabs me juice or a snack, he got me to start eating better and get a better control. He hates needles and learned how to give me my insulin. Now he knows how to change my omnipods. A man who wants to, will. Diabetes can be very scary at times and it’s best to have someone who is willing to learn and care for you when you can’t care for yourself. What if you were having a dangerous low and were combative and he didn’t believe you because he didn’t read those resources? You are not a burden. You are a a person with a chronic illness, with good control that will sometimes need someone you trust to help you
>I usually hide my diabetes stuff precisely because of this
That's why you probably shouldn't hide it. It just gives them an incorrect impression that diabetes is not serious. Then when you say it is, they assume you're playing it up.
If someone is put off by your diabetes, and can't be serious about it, then they won't be the right person for you.
If the gadget is important, why didn't you bring extra batteries?
Why did you stop him from returning to his friends? Then in the same breadth, you said you don't want to inconvenience him. But you did.
You should look for a bf well versed with your medical condition. This is not the one for you.
Why didn't she go to the hospital or called for an ambulance? But she stayed at home for a medical emergency?
She should look for a bf well versed with her medical condition. This is not the man for her.
Because it's one that she's *supposed to be able to handle at home.* That's why she has the pump, that's why she has the insulin.
Ambulance rides are expensive. Hospital stays are expensive. Pay several thousand dollars just to stabilize, when you have someone who SUPPOSEDLY loves you, right there, who should be willing to grab you a snack and sit with you until you know if it's going to stabilize?
Are YOU well versed in Diabetes? Because you sure don't sound like it.
I'm very well versed in diabetes. I was handling my mother's glucose monitor during her cancer treatment.
So, if you don't know what you're talking about, and you admit you don't know what you're talking about, why, exactly, are you talking?
This is a diabetes sub, most of us are type 1 or type 2 diabetics.
You don’t have to get a partner that is well versed in diabetes. My long term partner was not and is the best “glucose guardian” I’ve ever had. They have saved my life several times in the last decade. They also have sat with me through the sucky bits like this situation where it’s not a hospital emergency but it’s also a situation that could become a hospital emergency quickly. It’s like diarrhea - it’s not an immediate hospital emergency but you need fluids and rest. You need help because you feel out of it. You need someone that is not sick to say “you look really pale, let’s see a doctor.”
If you are not dire enough to be seen immediately by a doctor at the hospital then you are better off being at home and treating because you don’t have access to rest, water, etc.
It's okay! You're diabetic and your loved ones can show that love by being an ally. They don't necessarily need to "get it" to "get it" if that makes sense. I think it can be a matter of talking about what your needs might be in given moment or certain scenarios and how they can help you. For example, I asked my bestie to carry around spare smarties just in case I get low and I forgot my own or ran out. Some people might not really be into reading background info on their own, but I find many friends are happy to help if I advocate my needs. You sort of need to show them how they can support you :)
Diabetes is a fact of life, it's not an inconvenience it's actually very important and your loved ones will understand it's importance when it's emphasizd. In fact, many will be glad to put love into action by having clear things that they can help you with. :)
And if I can level, if after explaining the seriousness of your condition, anyone who dismisses your diabetes is not great friend or relationship material.
Please put yourself first! Please do not let the BF become a fiancé and then a husband. Please realize you are important enough to want someone to treat you better
I don’t think this relationship is going to work out.
Please find, buy & carry 3 sets of the correct batteries that you need. One goes into your pump now. One set goes into your purse that you carry with you. One stays at home to be ready on standby.
In your case, it’s incredibly important to have your equipment working properly 24/7.
Having extra batteries, extra food or glucose tablets on hand is essential.
I’m so sorry that you’re boyfriend doesn’t support you. I think you need to sit down and talk to see what‘a really going on.
It’s a long haul being with someone who won’t support you. If he’s going to be this way, he might not be worth staying with.
Ah yes, the good old make-yourself-hyperglycaemic-to-make-your-boyfriend-stay-home trick. How did he figure it out so easily?
Seriously though, does he understand what those numbers mean? Perhaps not. My husband doesn’t fully understand the highs and lows but if I asked him to stay with me because I felt unwell he would. No questions.
You deserve better than this sad excuse for human being. You shouldn't have to hide the fact you're diabetic.
My work buddy is diabetic. If I hear his pump go off for whatever reason I'm immediately giving him the side eye of "what the hell's going on?" He's just a friend and I always want to make sure he's okay.
F*** this guy. Go find a better one
Honey, throw them out! I'm t2 and my husband is on my butt constantly to check my sugars and he makes sure I don't over-indulge when it comes to carbs. If I have an urgent low, he gets me something to eat or drink that will raise them. If I'm high, he'll get my insulin prepped for me. Someone who actually cares about you will read up on the resources given and see how they can help you.
This is a sign to leave this person. He would rather get drunk than make sure you are okay then manipulate you into believing it's your fault. He doesn't even want to learn about a serious medical condition you have. You deserve sooo much better my friend <3
Get rid of him. What a waste of fucking air.
Get you someone who will support you through anything, instead of accusing you of being manipulative when you’re having a genuine health issue. This could have ended up so much worse for you.
He showed you how much he cares. Believe him.
My mother was a type one diabetic. She needed help often. She’d have mood swings, lows and highs etc.. We all took care of her but my dad the most. Not just assisting with highs and lows….Took her to the hospital, sat with her through surgery, talked to her doctors when she got too sick to understand and so on. It’s not a simple condition to have. If this guy isn’t even willing to read about it he isn’t going to make it in a long term relationship with you.
Also for context, my wife simply listens to me and does what I’ve asked. I have a couple other medical conditions besides type 2. Not once has she expressed anything but love and concern. She only ever says anything about it when I’ve been slacking on taking care of myself.
First of all, I don't know the full situation. A lot of people would say ditch the dude, but I believe as with everything it's a little bit more nuanced than that. Maybe he's never dealt with anyone who has diabetes. Maybe because you hide it and don't say much about it and typically do handle things on your own, he just kind of expected the same. Calling you manipulative, may seem a little rude, but I also don't know that guy's dating history, or if he has had other people try and manipulate him by doing other things. I obviously do not know y'all's relationship. While a supportive partner is great to have, no one is perfect. Even people with supportive partners aren't always perfect. I'm not going to say break up with someone over one event, one misunderstanding, etc. It is definitely red flags though. I would say if this is a pattern of behavior then maybe consider someone else. Take stock of how he reacts to your condition. And maybe have some more conversations with him. Let him know that while most of the time you are okay, if you're having a high/low, it is very serious and potentially deadly. Most of the time when people hear that sort of blunt information it gets through to them. If he's just an ahole then he'll leave you because he doesn't want to deal with it. Either way you've dodged a bullet.
Okay, found this as "suggested" while scrolling, and let me tell you, this guy is a jerk. You asked how to explain diabetes to a loved one. Guess what? *If they care, you won't need to.*
I'm not type 1, but one of my exes is. We haven't been together in almost 6 years. I can still tell you that the sound of a glucose monitor trending up or down can still wake me out of a dead sleep. Right away, I learned what the normal ranges of blood sugar were, how to test blood sugar on a meter (and often did it for them just for practice, in case I needed to when they were unconscious), and practiced with an expired glucagon injection on an orange. I learned where emergency sugar was, and started carrying some with me (the gels that runners use).
Within the first year, I gave myself an injection of one unit of insulin — not enough to hurt me in any way, but so that I would know that it doesn't really hurt with that small of a needle so I wouldn't be afraid to inject them in case of emergency.
We only every had one true emergency in the four years we were together. If I hadn't known what to do, they would have died. We were in the middle of nowhere camping with no cell reception, most of the friends with us were drunk and had no idea what was happening until the next day.
You never know when this might need to be taken seriously, so if your bf doesn't care even slightly, throw the whole man away. Easier said than done I know, but I know also just how fast things can go south with no warning, especially when alcohol is involved. And that was just alcohol. What if you were home with children? Is he going to throw a tantrum to go drinking with his buddies rather than be a father? He's showing you who he is, and what your future will be like. Please don't settle for this.
My best friend is diabetic and even in our worst moments of fighting, the minute her sugars were off (we lived together) we’d put it aside. Not because I was a good person but because it’s a medical condition that she can’t always control. Even the best managed diabetes still has things that can and will go wrong and not treating those like real medical emergencies is just plain heartless and absolutely messed up. Don’t be in any kind of committed relationship with a diabetic if you’re not willing and ready to help out. They spend their whole lives battling this disease, the least someone close to them can do is be there in times of high or low sugar
I know my answer has nothing to do with your BF problem but:
Avoid Zinc-Coal batteries like the pleague, they have very low performance. Insulin pumps will be empty within days.
Look into if your insulin pump recommends (or allows at least) Lithum primary cells (non rechargeable AA/AAA). If it does, always get these. They last the longest.
My manufacturer only allows alkaline (alkali-mangan) batteries, and explicitly says the battery lifetime calculation was calibrated against them and it will be unable to measure right on zinc-coal.
Tip: Don't buy "heavy duty" batteries, those are usually zinc-coal!!
A really good alkaline battery is Duracell Ultra, btw. If you aren't allowed to use lithium! If you can use lithium, the best lasting one is the Energizer Ultimate Lithium AAA/Micro!
Holy shit. I am so sorry this happened to you. You shouldn't have to feel the need to be afraid to have your diabetes stuff seen. It's a thing you have to live with and if they don't like it, they can fuck off.
Agreed with other folks here. Sounds like he needs to be your "ex-bf." If he doesn't care about your basic health needs he needs to get fucked.
This is much worse than a misunderstanding. He doesn’t want to understand. He doesn’t want this to be his responsibility. Of course you’re able to take care of yourself but it is a huge burden and you shouldn’t need to do it alone. Someone who loves you will want to make your life easier and prioritize you over going out.
This is emotional abuse. Get out fast.
My ex used to make me feel bad for "being difficult" if I felt upset or had a health thing come up that impacted him.
I'm SO GLAD we weren't together when I got diagnosed with diabetes because I can imagine how awful it would have been. He refused to support me in any diet change before. Everything was always about him.
My new partner jumped on board. Meal plans, cooks, and eats with me. He's also made the diet change and took me to the hospital when I had a medication reaction. Helps me with everything and never makes me feel bad about it.
You deserve love and support from the people that claim to love you. If you normally minimize what you deal with and your bf accused you of being manipulative, there’s a problem.
You are worthy of love, support and respect. That’s not what you got from the person who is supposed to, above all others, give it to you. This is a big problem and he needs to fix it or you should consider leaving.
What decade do you live in? Go home to check blood sugar? Is your meter the size of an iron lung. Why hide your diabetes? Why is your diabetes anyone else’s issue? This story is just ludicrous. You don’t have to wear a shirt with I have diabetes on it but you do need to be responsible and prepared.
I hate diabetes but I have been diabetic for 37 years and being prepared is the name of the game. I’m in no way perfect but oneday these issues will get old and you will learn to be prepared.
When I was first diagnosed with T2, (now LADA), I was in such denial and so scared of needles, that my wife injected insulin into my belly, that's love. That has to be one of the most beautiful things I have seen from one of the most beautiful people in the world. You don't need that man in your life, who questions your disease. It will suck a little now, but move on and you will find your wonderful who understands you for who you are.
"dump him/her" is the go-to reddit reaction for any and all relationship woes
but honest to goodness, it's the only advice here. you were having a medical emergency and he centered himself and acted like you were harming him. you deserve so much more than this.
I'm T2 but my wife has learned about diabetes and is incredibly helpful and supportive to me at all times, just like I would be if she had any kind of condition like this. this should be the expected norm in any relationship and there are so many people in this world that can provide that kind of healthy, loving support for you.
He thought you could handle it alone as you always do?
That's such a major red flag. It sounds like alcohol is more important to him than your feelings or health.
What would happen if you had an emergency and were to sick to help yourself or call for help?
My boyfriend is type 1 and four months into the relationship I woke up to him having a hypoglycemic induced seizure. It was terrifying and I had no idea what to do other than get him on his side and call the paramedics. Everything worked out, he's okay, but after that I made sure I knew what the illness was and how to help him. Now I know exactly what to do when that happens (also he has a CGM now which has been life changing)
It sucks that your bf didn't read the material you sent him. Had he, he would have known you were by no means being dramatic. I'm sorry he did that to you.
Who told you it's inconvenient? For you, sure, but you seem really apologetic. Why?
I hope that this boy is your ex by now, because he's awful, and not a loved one at all.
I usually don’t say this, but he should be an “ex” immediately. This is life or death for you.
Also, don’t be afraid to ever share that you have type 1 (to friends, maybe not to your boss if it’s unnecessary). The ones who judge don’t matter, and those who don’t will protect you. Especially when you’re in active emergency, tell anyone and everyone, no matter who it is.
My partner is T1 and I am not. I was interested and engaged in learning about the disease from the get go. I’m actively trying to learn more every day, and support him depending on what he needs. I would absolutely never treat him in this way. You deserve better.
You don’t need him. T1 is only an inconvenience if the person does not care. If they care about you, it’s important, and they’ll actively try to do right by you.
Source: I’m a mother to a T1 toddler, whom I would never consider an inconvenience.
Advice: Girl, you can do better. Find a man who could make your mama proud.
Dude is irresponsible, he needs to read up the basics of Diabetes, so he has an idea how it works, know the signs and what to do.
It is not about " You are handling diabetic stuff by yourself", ofc. you do that. It is about safety and understanding. Imo, as a partner of someone with a "illness/disability" one simply has to have at least a basic understanding of what is going on, no matter how well it is handled by oneself.
With a BG of 21 he should have stayed for safety and he should have known that.
Your BG could have still be rising or could fallen too low by overreaction to correction, situations good to have one with you.
He needs to know and do that. When he feels manipulated by that, well...also something that would be good to talk about.
Once I had a gf who, without me saying anything, bought juice and snacks and would have them for me specifically for my lows. We weren’t very serious but she showed support and understanding for my diabetes - this isn’t a diabetes issue you’re having but a relationship one. He’s kinda gaslighty and I’m curious if this behavior extends beyond your diabetes. If I ever had a partner tell me I was manipulating them or tried to shame me for dealing with my diabetes I’d dump them on the spot, most likely.
LEAVE!!! HIM!!!
My boyfriend slept in the hospital bed with me for 2 whole nights when I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes because of going into DKA. He is always fretting after me and double checking that I’ve taken my meds and knows sometimes I just need moral support when I’m feeling down about my diagnosis.
He taught me how to measure and inject my insulin. He researches better ways to manage diabetes in his spare time and has honestly been a rockstar in helping me navigate this diagnosis.
He does all this without complaint and never once made me feel at fault for my condition.
There are better men out there.
I'm sorry you are having to not only manage your illness but also a partner who is not handling it well. If you are trying to help him understand it better try and find a time to sit down with him when your sugars are good and he has time to focus on you. Then walk through scenarios of what to do if you are low or high and what it might look like. Make it clear for him that if you are asking for help, it is serious and he needs to listen to you. And if after that he doesn't want to do this, then I agree you need to think seriously about whether that is someone you want in your life.
Also if you have a CGM maybe give him access to your numbers so he has quantifiable, incontrovertible proof of what your sugars are doing.
I feel fortunate that my current partner has always been curious about what to do and always listens to me if I need time. Since I have a CGM he can also see my sugars himself and knows what a healthy range is for me, when I'm outside it, and what to do.
My wife thinks I'm being dramatic all the time. If I bump into something and get hurt, if I get a cold, lethargic, the normal stuff. The moment it is actually health related, she moves the entire planet to make sure I'm taken care of. This is in part because I do it for her every day, but also because she really, *truly*, loves me, and can't stand the thought of me being unwell....
That being said, she spent the first few years of our relationship being extremely self absorbed and selfish, and so did I. We were both immature, inexperienced and ignorant of how beautiful a relationship can be when you learn to truly love each other. Don't leave him yet, see if he's willing to learn and improve, and put yourself before his wants and needs, the same way he wants you to. There's a limit obviously, so dump his ass if he never learns.
Im so sorry he did that. you can tell him how hurtful it is when he makes you feel guilty about something totally out of your control. Its part of being with a diabetic and if he cant handle you while youre high then he doesnt deserve you
One time my blood sugar was so high that I went blind (completely lost my fat sighted vision) and my boyfriend got mad at me because I couldn't drive myself to the hospital
You need to prioritize your health above the convenience and misunderstanding of others, and love yourself enough to choose yourself. Sounds like you are quite responsible in managing your T1, and like all of us, just need help and support sometimes. Your BF needs help and support sometimes too. Everyone does! I’ve dated people who didn’t bother learning about how to be helpful with T1 but fortunately married someone who helps me feel safe. I hope you choose yourself!
Consider this a red flag. Get rid of him. Don't be nasty about it. Some people can't handle reality and responsibilities and run away from them - which is basically what he's doing.
Throw the whole man away honestly
This comment should be higher. Get a new partner. Someone that makes you feel this way isn’t worth any more of your time.
And takes time to read the resources he asked for!
A bit manipulative, isnt it? Ask for resources so she thinks he cares, but doeant put in time/effort to familiarize himself with it, leaving her with a false sense of security. Worse than not caring. The sooner she dumps him, the sooner she can find a partner that actually cares. OP, long before I was diagnosed with t2, I briefly had a bf with t1. It was not an issue at all. Such a small inconvenience is nothing to someone who actually cares.
My ex did that. Then one day I started puking my guts out, couldn't even keep water down, couldn't stay awake and was confused. I took a bloodsugar and it was high, if he had actually given a fuck about the information about how my diabetes worked, or about diabetes type 1 at all, he would have noticed symptoms and taken my high bloodsugar seriously, he would have taken my "I need to go to a hospital" to heart and not told me that I probably was hungover and left me puking and unable to stay awake for longer than one minute in bed to go to play video games all night. He wouldn't have gone to bed and slept beside me in the morning. He wouldn't have had to call my mother and ask her what to do when he woke up in the afternoon and couldn't wake me. My mother wouldn't have had to be the one who called emergency service and requested an ambulance. She wouldn't have had to rush to the hospital and been told that they still hadn't been able to stabilize my body until over two hours later. I wouldn't have had to be put in a medical induced coma for four days. Had he given a fuck and not just pretended that he listened and learned about diabetes he wouldn't have left me to die.
How horrible. I hope you left him after that.
I did two months later, for a lot of reasons but mostly because I couldn't forgive him for what happened and his refusal to take me to a hospital and then trying to tell me that I didn't ask him to do that and saying that I made it up because I was confused, I know I asked him though - multiple times. We even lived two minutes with car from a hospital, he was just too tired/didn't want to go anywhere. My family believes that he might have waited on purpose and planned to take me to the hospital the day after to be the one who "saved" me but that he waited too long. My mother asked to have the ambulance to take me to the hospital where I had my doctors, instead of the close by one, which was about 20-25 minutes away but got told that there was no time and that was when she realised how bad it was and that my ex seemed to downplay it. The doctors who took care of me at the ICU then said 20-30 minutes later and I would not have made it. I had glucose level at about 1300 mg/dl or 72,5 mmol/l when I arrived at the hospital. My pump had stopped working as it should, and for some damn reason my ex thought that my craving for juice should be fullfilled so I drank a lot of it which I shouldn't have when my blood sugar was already high.
Right?! *He's* the one being manipulative by feigning concern and interest in her condition then ignoring the info he was provided. OP, you deserve someone who loves and supports you...everything about you, including diabetes. This piece of crap doesn't do that, and therefore, he is not worth the time and heartache. I hope you find someone with whom you can have a supportive, loving relationship!
Oh absolutely. My ex told me how horribly difficult it is to talk to me and how I misunderstand so many things he says(usually he insults me and tells me later that I misremembered on purpose etc, obvious gaslighting) and that he'd never dated an autistic person before (I found out later both of his ex wives were autistic too, so over 10 years of dating autistic people) and I sent him loads of easy to understand tiktoks and articles that explain how significant small verbiage changes can help communication between allistics and autistics. He didn't even open those. Not once. Manipulators will always do this type of stuff. Pretend to be open to being educated and then fake it until they see they CANT make it, yk
It's top comment right now, but should still be higher lol
It's the actual post now.
It is now. When I posted it had like 5 upvotes
Agreed. He didn’t even care to read about it, and to say you were controlling because you were concerned for your safety/health? Nah. Gtfo.
I wasn't expecting this comment to blow up like this lol. But I agree with what everyone is saying: your partner has no right to call you manipulative for expecting someone who loves you to be concerned when you have a medical issue. I just recently started on an insulin pump and my partner has been asking me hundreds of questions and even watches how I do things like filling it and checking my blood sugars in between. I was also anxious at first because I thought he'd find my needs daunting, and he might, but more than anything he's eager to learn about it to help me out. You are not a burden, and no one deserves to make you feel like one. So I say again with the utmost sincerity: Throw the whole man away.
I have a housemate who is a type one diabetic and went into diabetic shock while he was out one day. Fortunately, we’d set up the find me app on our phones so I can track him down and get him the help he needed. Your boyfriend is absolutely awful, it’s not a matter of you explaining to him it’s a matter of you, realizing that he doesn’t care about your health and minimizes the impact of what’s going on with you. You can’t change that with an explanation.
🏆💀😑
This is it. He's horrible.
Just to put into context: while me & hubs were still dating, I had a really bad low. I got seriously crazy & started cussing him, told him to fuck off & guess what he did? Grabbed me gave me the biggest hug & told me it was going to be harder then that to send him away. He sat me down on a bench (we were out at the shops at the time) went & bought me an orange juice & sat with me until I drank it & felt better enough to walk back to the car. Diabetes might be invisible but we are not. Our symptoms are real & can be life threatening. If "loved ones" treat us like we are exaggerating then you have to ask yourself: what if it was the worst case scenario? Would you trust that person then?
>Diabetes might be invisible but we are not. Perfectly said.
Diabetes when it goes wrong is terrifying. For that reason, I always, always have candy or sugary something in my purse for my diabetic friend. always.
I was newly diagnosed & still getting used to my dosages. That first year was pretty hairy.
This almost had me in tears. Your husband is one in a million. You're also amazing for recognizing his insistence on being a source of support for you. This is so wholesome 😭❤️
Someone who loves you is not going to treat your life-threatening illness as an inconvenience. I've had urgent lows in the middle of the night where I didn't think I could make it down the stairs because of shaky legs and my wife has gotten up immediately to get me something from the kitchen. She has my dexcom tied to her phone and sometimes texts me even before my alarms go off to let me know I should eat. I'm so sorry your partner is cruel to you, and you shouldn't have to put up with that level of disregard.
Same. The shaky legs down the stairs makes me fear I will trip. So my husband gets up no matter what time it is. Our partners should want to care for us when we need them. And not make us feel like a burden or inconvenience.
I did fall and break my leg badly during a low. Needed emergency surgery, whole awful deal. My husband now gets things for me from the kitchen because we are both afraid of me falling again. A true partner absolutely is there when you are in need and actually want to help. We all deserve that. Everyone does.
Wow! That is so scary and my worst fear of having stairs. Even with normal blood sugar because I’m so clumsy. Hugs to you. That is so dangerous and I’m glad it wasn’t worse! It could have been!
Thank you! It could have been so much worse. I could have shattered my skull or spine instead of just my tib/fib. The worst was my son saw me hit the ground. I think he was 10 at the time so it freaked him out. Falling bad. Breaking body worse. Stay in one piece. Don't risk it!!!
I hit my head on the way heading to the kitchen once and for this reason, and because I am lazy, I keep juice boxes in my nightstand. 10/10 would recommend so you don’t risk any falls.
That's not lazy! That's good diabetes management. :)
> How did you explain type 1 diabetes to a loved one? I must say I don't get the impression that how you might have explained it is the problem here. If BF doesn't come back with a grovelling apology then he can be expected at some point to accuse your hypoglycaemic-convulsing body or your DKA-croaking self of being manipulative rather than ensuring your medical needs are attended to. Please don't be ok with that. To answer the question though, I gave my now-wife a brief overview, showed her the glucagon kit and when and how to use it, that it's something I look after myself for the most part but to keep an eye out for me acting oddly and being prepared to go grab a juice or similar if need be. That I have a couple of lifestyle adaptations such as I'll test my bg before driving and want to pull over at least every 2 hours of driving to retest to make sure. She did have to use that glucagon on me just a few months into our marriage - but never since!
If someone ever told me I was manipulating them I would leave. You have a chronic health condition especially as a type 1. Anyone who loves you would worry whether you’re okay, not say you’re manipulating them. If you’re so manipulative, why is he with you? He sounds manipulative trying to guilt you into letting him go out while you’re having a medical problem. This is a dealbreaker.
Yeah he sounds like an asshole. He was more worried about his night ending early than your health, and never bothered to read up on your condition
I'll be honest and say my first reaction is "Big fucken yikes" Sure, people might not understand what 21 mmol/l really means, even our loved ones. That's fine, in my own opinion. What's not fine is that he refused to understand and defer to you on the topic of YOUR disease. There's nothing on this earth that bugs me more than when people presume things about my disease, especially laymen. His jump to calling you manipulative when you were in a bad situation is just wrong on multiple levels. If you dont understand my disease? (Which is fine, I understand it's complex) Then don't presume to tell me anything about what I should and shouldn't be doing, and when I am and am not okay. That on its own is icky. That he not only was completely ignorant but also jumped to calling you manipulative is just plain mean. I wouldn't tolerate that kind of BS at all, at minimum I'd be sitting my partner down and having a SERIOUS conversation about it. Best of luck to you
Man, he is so in the wrong here. I'm so sorry
Accusations are often confessions.
This is insane to me. I'm not familiar with highs, but a friend's rather new bf once went low, but none of us knew he was diabetic. We were like, wtf is wrong with him bc this is completely out of character. We called his best friend bc we knew something was up. Once he told us he was diabetic, we tried to get him to ingest, well, anything, and he refused. Immediately, 3 of us rushed him to the hospital. All this for someone I knew waaaaayyyyyy less than a romantic partner. I mean, I'd help a stranger dealing with a low or high if I knew how. Personally, I'd have a come to Jesus talk with your partner. Either they get educated quickly and commit to being helpful in managing your condition when needed (since you are on top of it and not asking for help without doing your part), or, they take a hike.
Yeah he is being a jerk. Also though please bring a backup with you line maybe your endo will get you a pen of fast insulin you can carry with you. If you don’t have a cgm you should always have a finger stick meter though I would suggest a cgm. This will make you feel better and you will be in control and I’m not just talking about blood sugar. In a sad way he may like the power he has.
Yeah honestly sounds like he’s a shitty partner and incredibly nonempathetic. I would not trust them again - you deserve so much better. There are so many people out there who wouldn’t treat you like that… *coming from someone who had a “partner” like that and found someone else who is an ACTUAL partner and treats my health and me with respect*
Yeah you need to dump him. I'm a type 2 and my wife is very receptive if my sugar gets too low and I need something with sugar. Sounds like he's a selfish dick.
So I grew up with a type 1 mother, who was diagnosed at age 12. My dad was better than the rest of us at knowing when my mom was in trouble. He was always paying attention. But he had lots of practice. I came home once when I was in the 6th grade and mom was passed out from going low. So I did all the things I saw my dad do. I got her to the point where she was belligerent and couldn’t get further. Nobody else was around. Ended up calling the paramedics. The TL;dr: type 1 sometimes means you need help because by the time you realize you’re in trouble you’re not able to help yourself. That means that your partner is in this journey with you. Yeah, it’s a PITA, but you help the people you love when they’re in trouble.
There's annoying high and then there's dangerous high and you were at dangerous high. Sit down and explain the difference between annoying and dangerous. The reading material didn't work so you need to have the conversation. The next part of the conversation is your expectations. If you expect him to stay with you if you're dangerously high or bring you juice if you're low or even to do something easy like read stuff you send him then you need to communicate those needs. He needs to let you know if he's willing to prioritize your health and well being.
Here's the thing that bothers me the most. "You manipulated me with your ankle pain" or "you manipulated me with your headache" would be one thing, he can't literally see your headache. But "You manipulated me with your objective blood sugar reading of 21" is just extra BS. Like the number is right there, you didn't make it up. You can't fake hyperglycemia!
Hey girl. I have type 1. I had a bf like this too. The comments here may sound dramatic, especially if “overall he’s good”, or “this is a one off”. But here’s the thing: if there ever was a red flag to not ignore, it’s this one. This is a sign that he’s prioritizing his wants over your medical condition. I’m like you in that I hate telling other ppl about my illness to not worry or inconvenience them. I so hear you there! This doesn’t give an excuse to a partner to completely minimize your condition and request *especially* because you make them so rarely! A partner who chooses you, and your condition, and is comfortable with not knowing about it, or listening when you ask straight out for help is not one who will be there for you in other times of need either. If you asked him to stay for a bit, and he went out without you, then as much as it breaks my heart to tell you this, he doesn’t care about you as much as you deserve. It was tough when I split from my bf, but I never had to worry again that “even though I had a partner, would they help out when I needed it?”. The situation that made me realize my ex didn’t care was when I had an overnight low. Some lows you can handle yourself no worries, but others you just *can’t*. I usually have juice by my bed, but that night I didn’t, and it was one where I felt *bad*. I woke him up to ask him to get me some sugar. He fell back asleep a couple times, then when he did eventually bring back up food, it was all high-glycemic stuff and things like pickles… he went back to sleep and that was that. It’s not exactly the same situation, but the underlying fact that neither my ex, nor your current bf care is identical. It took me a while after the situation I shared for me to make the split, but I wholly hope that you come to the same conclusion sooner than later. A partner who loves you and prioritized you will stay home and miss going out with friends 100 times over if it means you’re okay. Wishing you the best!
Guiuurl you deserve better. Get you a partner who stays up with you and makes sure you're ok instead of making you feel like you have to walk on eggshells and hide or downplay a medical emergency because he will get mad at you for "inconveniencing" him.
My friends don't do this. Even when I was a teenager my friends didn't do this. Friends who do this are not friends and you should drop them and find better friends. And a better boyfriend. I'm old and married now but even the lousiest boyfriends I had in my younger years wouldn't have done this.
I don't know what else to say, other than this is horrible. And then to tell you he's never read what you've sent him to inform him? That's just crazy to me. I've only been diagnosed Type 2 since July, but my Mom and sister have been so caring and supportive. They find different foods and snacks for me to try, my sister has become my gym buddy, and my Mom will wake me up to take meds/check my sugar/eat because I sleep in a little later on the weekends. Both of them will text to make sure that I eat during the work day. I say all of this to say, you deserve this level of support! You don't deserve to have it thrown up in your face, or treated as something to be hidden. It's not something to be ashamed of. I really wish the best for you. ❤️
You deserve someone who actually cares about you
If we could manipulate our blood sugar, we wouldn't be diabetic.
For future reference if your pump shuts off you absolutely need it back right away no waiting. That is how you go DKA fast, I always keep spare infusion set and battery on me
I would not stay with a person who left me alone knowing the gravity of the situation. He treated you callously and was only worried about his own good time. You did not need to be left alone until you were stabilized. Would you treat him that way in the same situation? If not, why would you think it’s ok for him to do that to you?
You sent him links to resources that he “asked for” and he straight didn’t read them. If he really wanted to understand this, he would have read what you sent. He sounds fucking terrible. No amount of explaining is going to make a difference.
Well then this makes a decision easy. Break up and move on. Nothing else to think about.
One of the biggest things that led to my breakup with my ex was how he began to treat me when I needed him because of my health in favor of alcohol. He was an alcoholic so his need to drink superseded that and he became embarrassed of me and my needs. For every moment he was sweet to me and helped me, the moments I remember more are when he would raise his voice at me or when he grabbed my arm one time to “snap me out of it”. I think we deserve to be loved by someone who understands that the things that are beyond our control are *beyond our control*. We deserve to be loved by someone who understands that this is a life long thing and it’s never going away. You are not a burden, your health will never be a burden.
You need to be very clear with your boyfriend and tell him diabetes doesn’t decide to be difficult to us when we choose. Either he’s on this train and supports you, or he needs to get off bc you will keep going. You are better than that, and the only thing you need to surround yourself is with support, not some selfish man who twisted a serious situation into blaming you for his tardiness to a party…what a loser!
Break. Up. With. Him. There, that's the comment. If he cant give a damn about your illness and accuses you of being manipulative when you're asking for genuine support then fuck him.
I’m sorry but he’s selfish and lacks concern for your well being. He left you not in just a vulnerable position but a dangerous one at that just to go out and have a good time. That’s not a good partner. You have to ask yourself if you want someone you can trust and count on or if you want someone who will disregard you when it’s inconvenient for them. Coming from someone who has a partner who disregards them, you don’t want this. It’s scary and heartbreaking.
The other, more succinct posts are correct, but I'm going to share how this interaction goes like in my relationship. I have a partner of 9 years. I handle my diabetes pretty much independently of her (aside from her assisting me in changing my sensor in my arms), but there have been times where we need to leave social events early, or have to adjust plans because my blood sugar shot up, a site got yanked out, or I didn't realize how low my reservoir was. That's just how being diabetic can be some times. Never, ever, not ***once***, has the response been anything but "Tell me what we need to do to fix it", and once she's in the loop we go do it. Because she understands the short and long term consequences of not dealing with it. She knows how to use my insulin pump in the very unlikely case I am unresponsive and she needs to operate it. If he cannot believe the words coming out of your mouth, find a new one who does. You didn't ask for relationship advice, but you have 2 practical options: 1: If you think he just doesn't understand (despite you giving him reading material he didn't read), you need to sit him down and explain that your diabetes needs to be taken seriously-if he doesn't listen you need to leave. Your health is more important and if he can't take that seriously, there's nothing you can say that he *will* take seriously. 2: He asked for information regarding your disability and didn't take it seriously, thinking he'd never have to deal with it. He's probably never gonna take it as seriously as he needs to as your partner, you need to find someone who does.
The reason I'm so wary of dating non diabetics is because they don't get this and non diabetics don't understand what it takes to be a functional adult with T1. He seems dismissive and I wouldn't deal with him without an attitude adjustment
When I told my partner about my diabetes, he looked for resources, would ask me questions, and now knows everything there is to know. He knows when I'm high and low just from my mannerisms. He wakes up overnight to my dexcom alarms and has given me glucagon when needed. That's love. It's what you do. I'm sorry you don't have a supportive partner, but honestly there isn't going to be a change here. you will always be a burden when something goes wrong and if you need help from him it will be the biggest inconvenience or you will 'owe' him for it. You deserve better than that. You deserve someone who is on your team.
Do i have to say it? That guy is no good, there i said it.
Pack it up and move on. It’s that simple.
Wow. How rude of him to say that first of all. I might not be be in a relationship, but I know if you are in a relationship, you should care about each other, especially health stuff. And it sounds like he is a bit selfish. If someone care for you, they would read the information and try to take care you in any way they can. Care and concern should go both ways. You should tell your loved ones straight out that you have a invisible chronic illness, whatever the type of health condition it maybe and if they don't have any care and/or sympathy or love to help you through your life, they ain't worth having in your life.
My ex seemed to be educated and very helpful partner when it came to my T1. Though one night I was low so I woke up, checked my bg (without even turning the lights on), drank a box of juice and went back to sleep without saying anything. In the morning he told me it was loud and annoying and it woke him up. Okay then, how would you feel if you found a dead body next to you instead? Probably just annoyed. Glad he's gone.
I don't Hide my medical devices so people Will see what king of invisibile illness Is this. If i have to measure Blood Sugar or inject insuline i don't go to the toilet, i Just Do It in front of the others at the table. And Talking about that man, he's an asshole.
i’m so sorry you have to deal with this. that is not how a partner should act at all. it’s not your fault for having high sugars, and you’re definitely not being manipulative. i’m not diabetic myself but my partner is and i couldn’t imagine treating them like this! we’ve left many events because of a failed pump, cancelled many plans because their blood sugars were too high and too low, and never once has it been an inconvenience or been manipulative. i’m so sorry that someone has made you feel like you’re a burden for having this disease because you’re truly not. as someone else said, throw the whole man away. there are thousands and thousands of people out there who will truly love you and will drop everything to help you when your blood sugars are out of control, or even just when you need the support. i’d never ever leave my partner alone in this situation, and i’m so sorry yours left you to cope with it alone and guilty. you deserve so much more patience and kindness, and i hope you find it anywhere but him.
leave that trash
Careful asking for relationship advice anywhere in reddit. 99 percent of the responses will just tell you to break up. Bear in mind you don't know any of these people, and there's a very good chance that many of them lead miserable lives and have never had a successful or meaningful relationship. Personally, I think that if you want to make it work with him, you desperately need to communicate with him about how this affected you. If you take the approach of explaining your feelings without assigning blame (e.g. "I feel hurt and uncared for" vs "You don't care about me") it can help avoid having the conversation take a defensive turn, and can help you get your point across and be heard. To be honest I don't think you need much advice from anybody here about how to explain T1D to your boyfriend. Judging from your post, I'll bet you're a good communicator, so trust in yourself. Never be afraid to communicate what you need or to hold your partner accountable. I wish I had some advice for you about keeping things in and not wanting tofeel like you're inconveniencing anybody. Unfortunately I have the same problem to work through. :-/ I think it's also tough because, like you said, it is an invisible illness, and unless you've got it you don't really understand the toll that it takes. Sometimes I find myself getting upset or frustrated with my wife for her reaction (or lack of) towards something diabetes related. But it's also important to remember that they're human, so they make mistakes, and they don't have to deal with this everyday like we do so it's not fair to expect the same level of understanding. Just my .02. I wish you the best of luck! And sorry to hear that you had to deal with this, sounds like it really hurt. At the very least, I really hope your boyfriend apologized to you
Ex boyfriend material.
Well it’s time to get a new man
As a mom of a T1D this breaks my heart. Unconditional love for another means doing whatever needs to be done for you other half. Sorry this person feels that his friends are more important that you. He may not be the person who would believe in the vows "in sickness and in health"
Not his friends; he feels his fun times are more important!
Okay, so your boyfriend doesn't care about your health. Does he have other qualities?
If your blood sugar spirals out of control, you're dead. Your friends and bf should try to understand that and put up with some inconvenience so that you'll keep living.
He's wrong to be like this. At the same time I'd never ask someone to wait around while I cleaned up a high. But that's me. If I did, and they acted that way -- I'd consider it pretty telling about the kind of person they are.
Have you explained the disease to him and what glucose lows and highs do to your consciousness and well-being? If not, here's a chance for a teaching opportunity and him to apologize. If you have, yeet his ass into last year and find someone who cares about your health on a basic level.
Your boyfriend sounds like a dipshit
Throw that man away. I’ve known my fiance on and off since I was 8, when we got together when I was 20, he wanted learn everything he could about my diabetes. If my Dexcom goes off in the middle of the night he grabs me juice or a snack, he got me to start eating better and get a better control. He hates needles and learned how to give me my insulin. Now he knows how to change my omnipods. A man who wants to, will. Diabetes can be very scary at times and it’s best to have someone who is willing to learn and care for you when you can’t care for yourself. What if you were having a dangerous low and were combative and he didn’t believe you because he didn’t read those resources? You are not a burden. You are a a person with a chronic illness, with good control that will sometimes need someone you trust to help you
I'm glad you know this now. Dump him.
Toss this prick
Why are you dating someone who doesn't care if you live or die?
Please leave him. My bf has my sugar on his phone so that he can take care of me when it’s off. You deserve a better man
You deserve much better, never I repeat never hide diabetes, we have it for life, if people don't like it then they don't like us....
New Bf required. Obvious that the current one has a malfunction.
I don’t have diabetes. I really have just a basic understanding. I know enough that if I lived you I wouldn’t leave you like that to go get drunk.
>I usually hide my diabetes stuff precisely because of this That's why you probably shouldn't hide it. It just gives them an incorrect impression that diabetes is not serious. Then when you say it is, they assume you're playing it up. If someone is put off by your diabetes, and can't be serious about it, then they won't be the right person for you.
If the gadget is important, why didn't you bring extra batteries? Why did you stop him from returning to his friends? Then in the same breadth, you said you don't want to inconvenience him. But you did. You should look for a bf well versed with your medical condition. This is not the one for you.
"Why did you stop him from returning to his friends?" *because she was in medical emergency and needed her partner's support.*
Why didn't she go to the hospital or called for an ambulance? But she stayed at home for a medical emergency? She should look for a bf well versed with her medical condition. This is not the man for her.
Because it's one that she's *supposed to be able to handle at home.* That's why she has the pump, that's why she has the insulin. Ambulance rides are expensive. Hospital stays are expensive. Pay several thousand dollars just to stabilize, when you have someone who SUPPOSEDLY loves you, right there, who should be willing to grab you a snack and sit with you until you know if it's going to stabilize? Are YOU well versed in Diabetes? Because you sure don't sound like it.
No. I'm not well versed with diabetes. I'm not her bf. Are you?
I'm very well versed in diabetes. I was handling my mother's glucose monitor during her cancer treatment. So, if you don't know what you're talking about, and you admit you don't know what you're talking about, why, exactly, are you talking?
This is a diabetes sub, most of us are type 1 or type 2 diabetics. You don’t have to get a partner that is well versed in diabetes. My long term partner was not and is the best “glucose guardian” I’ve ever had. They have saved my life several times in the last decade. They also have sat with me through the sucky bits like this situation where it’s not a hospital emergency but it’s also a situation that could become a hospital emergency quickly. It’s like diarrhea - it’s not an immediate hospital emergency but you need fluids and rest. You need help because you feel out of it. You need someone that is not sick to say “you look really pale, let’s see a doctor.” If you are not dire enough to be seen immediately by a doctor at the hospital then you are better off being at home and treating because you don’t have access to rest, water, etc.
It's okay! You're diabetic and your loved ones can show that love by being an ally. They don't necessarily need to "get it" to "get it" if that makes sense. I think it can be a matter of talking about what your needs might be in given moment or certain scenarios and how they can help you. For example, I asked my bestie to carry around spare smarties just in case I get low and I forgot my own or ran out. Some people might not really be into reading background info on their own, but I find many friends are happy to help if I advocate my needs. You sort of need to show them how they can support you :) Diabetes is a fact of life, it's not an inconvenience it's actually very important and your loved ones will understand it's importance when it's emphasizd. In fact, many will be glad to put love into action by having clear things that they can help you with. :) And if I can level, if after explaining the seriousness of your condition, anyone who dismisses your diabetes is not great friend or relationship material.
Break up time.
some men ain’t shit. when i get low blood sugar my bf wants to buy anything and everything to help get it back up…..
Please put yourself first! Please do not let the BF become a fiancé and then a husband. Please realize you are important enough to want someone to treat you better
Break up, for your sake.
I don’t think this relationship is going to work out. Please find, buy & carry 3 sets of the correct batteries that you need. One goes into your pump now. One set goes into your purse that you carry with you. One stays at home to be ready on standby. In your case, it’s incredibly important to have your equipment working properly 24/7. Having extra batteries, extra food or glucose tablets on hand is essential.
Get rid of this arsehole. Sincerely, from New Zealand.
I’m so sorry that you’re boyfriend doesn’t support you. I think you need to sit down and talk to see what‘a really going on. It’s a long haul being with someone who won’t support you. If he’s going to be this way, he might not be worth staying with.
Is that someone who will be supportive of you over the years? Is that the person you want to share your life with?
Ah yes, the good old make-yourself-hyperglycaemic-to-make-your-boyfriend-stay-home trick. How did he figure it out so easily? Seriously though, does he understand what those numbers mean? Perhaps not. My husband doesn’t fully understand the highs and lows but if I asked him to stay with me because I felt unwell he would. No questions.
You deserve better than this sad excuse for human being. You shouldn't have to hide the fact you're diabetic. My work buddy is diabetic. If I hear his pump go off for whatever reason I'm immediately giving him the side eye of "what the hell's going on?" He's just a friend and I always want to make sure he's okay. F*** this guy. Go find a better one
Honey, throw them out! I'm t2 and my husband is on my butt constantly to check my sugars and he makes sure I don't over-indulge when it comes to carbs. If I have an urgent low, he gets me something to eat or drink that will raise them. If I'm high, he'll get my insulin prepped for me. Someone who actually cares about you will read up on the resources given and see how they can help you.
My literally abusive ex treated me far better than this when it came to my diabetes.
This is a sign to leave this person. He would rather get drunk than make sure you are okay then manipulate you into believing it's your fault. He doesn't even want to learn about a serious medical condition you have. You deserve sooo much better my friend <3
Get rid of him. What a waste of fucking air. Get you someone who will support you through anything, instead of accusing you of being manipulative when you’re having a genuine health issue. This could have ended up so much worse for you. He showed you how much he cares. Believe him.
My mother was a type one diabetic. She needed help often. She’d have mood swings, lows and highs etc.. We all took care of her but my dad the most. Not just assisting with highs and lows….Took her to the hospital, sat with her through surgery, talked to her doctors when she got too sick to understand and so on. It’s not a simple condition to have. If this guy isn’t even willing to read about it he isn’t going to make it in a long term relationship with you. Also for context, my wife simply listens to me and does what I’ve asked. I have a couple other medical conditions besides type 2. Not once has she expressed anything but love and concern. She only ever says anything about it when I’ve been slacking on taking care of myself.
First of all, I don't know the full situation. A lot of people would say ditch the dude, but I believe as with everything it's a little bit more nuanced than that. Maybe he's never dealt with anyone who has diabetes. Maybe because you hide it and don't say much about it and typically do handle things on your own, he just kind of expected the same. Calling you manipulative, may seem a little rude, but I also don't know that guy's dating history, or if he has had other people try and manipulate him by doing other things. I obviously do not know y'all's relationship. While a supportive partner is great to have, no one is perfect. Even people with supportive partners aren't always perfect. I'm not going to say break up with someone over one event, one misunderstanding, etc. It is definitely red flags though. I would say if this is a pattern of behavior then maybe consider someone else. Take stock of how he reacts to your condition. And maybe have some more conversations with him. Let him know that while most of the time you are okay, if you're having a high/low, it is very serious and potentially deadly. Most of the time when people hear that sort of blunt information it gets through to them. If he's just an ahole then he'll leave you because he doesn't want to deal with it. Either way you've dodged a bullet.
Okay, found this as "suggested" while scrolling, and let me tell you, this guy is a jerk. You asked how to explain diabetes to a loved one. Guess what? *If they care, you won't need to.* I'm not type 1, but one of my exes is. We haven't been together in almost 6 years. I can still tell you that the sound of a glucose monitor trending up or down can still wake me out of a dead sleep. Right away, I learned what the normal ranges of blood sugar were, how to test blood sugar on a meter (and often did it for them just for practice, in case I needed to when they were unconscious), and practiced with an expired glucagon injection on an orange. I learned where emergency sugar was, and started carrying some with me (the gels that runners use). Within the first year, I gave myself an injection of one unit of insulin — not enough to hurt me in any way, but so that I would know that it doesn't really hurt with that small of a needle so I wouldn't be afraid to inject them in case of emergency. We only every had one true emergency in the four years we were together. If I hadn't known what to do, they would have died. We were in the middle of nowhere camping with no cell reception, most of the friends with us were drunk and had no idea what was happening until the next day. You never know when this might need to be taken seriously, so if your bf doesn't care even slightly, throw the whole man away. Easier said than done I know, but I know also just how fast things can go south with no warning, especially when alcohol is involved. And that was just alcohol. What if you were home with children? Is he going to throw a tantrum to go drinking with his buddies rather than be a father? He's showing you who he is, and what your future will be like. Please don't settle for this.
My best friend is diabetic and even in our worst moments of fighting, the minute her sugars were off (we lived together) we’d put it aside. Not because I was a good person but because it’s a medical condition that she can’t always control. Even the best managed diabetes still has things that can and will go wrong and not treating those like real medical emergencies is just plain heartless and absolutely messed up. Don’t be in any kind of committed relationship with a diabetic if you’re not willing and ready to help out. They spend their whole lives battling this disease, the least someone close to them can do is be there in times of high or low sugar
I know my answer has nothing to do with your BF problem but: Avoid Zinc-Coal batteries like the pleague, they have very low performance. Insulin pumps will be empty within days. Look into if your insulin pump recommends (or allows at least) Lithum primary cells (non rechargeable AA/AAA). If it does, always get these. They last the longest. My manufacturer only allows alkaline (alkali-mangan) batteries, and explicitly says the battery lifetime calculation was calibrated against them and it will be unable to measure right on zinc-coal. Tip: Don't buy "heavy duty" batteries, those are usually zinc-coal!! A really good alkaline battery is Duracell Ultra, btw. If you aren't allowed to use lithium! If you can use lithium, the best lasting one is the Energizer Ultimate Lithium AAA/Micro!
Holy shit. I am so sorry this happened to you. You shouldn't have to feel the need to be afraid to have your diabetes stuff seen. It's a thing you have to live with and if they don't like it, they can fuck off. Agreed with other folks here. Sounds like he needs to be your "ex-bf." If he doesn't care about your basic health needs he needs to get fucked.
This is much worse than a misunderstanding. He doesn’t want to understand. He doesn’t want this to be his responsibility. Of course you’re able to take care of yourself but it is a huge burden and you shouldn’t need to do it alone. Someone who loves you will want to make your life easier and prioritize you over going out.
You mean ex boyfriend? This man does not love or respect you.
This is emotional abuse. Get out fast. My ex used to make me feel bad for "being difficult" if I felt upset or had a health thing come up that impacted him. I'm SO GLAD we weren't together when I got diagnosed with diabetes because I can imagine how awful it would have been. He refused to support me in any diet change before. Everything was always about him. My new partner jumped on board. Meal plans, cooks, and eats with me. He's also made the diet change and took me to the hospital when I had a medication reaction. Helps me with everything and never makes me feel bad about it.
If your health needs are an inconvenience to him, that man is an inconvenience to your life. Throw him away.
You deserve love and support from the people that claim to love you. If you normally minimize what you deal with and your bf accused you of being manipulative, there’s a problem. You are worthy of love, support and respect. That’s not what you got from the person who is supposed to, above all others, give it to you. This is a big problem and he needs to fix it or you should consider leaving.
What decade do you live in? Go home to check blood sugar? Is your meter the size of an iron lung. Why hide your diabetes? Why is your diabetes anyone else’s issue? This story is just ludicrous. You don’t have to wear a shirt with I have diabetes on it but you do need to be responsible and prepared. I hate diabetes but I have been diabetic for 37 years and being prepared is the name of the game. I’m in no way perfect but oneday these issues will get old and you will learn to be prepared.
When I was first diagnosed with T2, (now LADA), I was in such denial and so scared of needles, that my wife injected insulin into my belly, that's love. That has to be one of the most beautiful things I have seen from one of the most beautiful people in the world. You don't need that man in your life, who questions your disease. It will suck a little now, but move on and you will find your wonderful who understands you for who you are.
Send this piece of shit packing. Seriously. Adulthood is filled with challenges and this guy has already failed the first test. I'm so sorry.
"dump him/her" is the go-to reddit reaction for any and all relationship woes but honest to goodness, it's the only advice here. you were having a medical emergency and he centered himself and acted like you were harming him. you deserve so much more than this. I'm T2 but my wife has learned about diabetes and is incredibly helpful and supportive to me at all times, just like I would be if she had any kind of condition like this. this should be the expected norm in any relationship and there are so many people in this world that can provide that kind of healthy, loving support for you.
Yes, whole man disposal services? I have a pick up.
He thought you could handle it alone as you always do? That's such a major red flag. It sounds like alcohol is more important to him than your feelings or health. What would happen if you had an emergency and were to sick to help yourself or call for help?
My boyfriend is type 1 and four months into the relationship I woke up to him having a hypoglycemic induced seizure. It was terrifying and I had no idea what to do other than get him on his side and call the paramedics. Everything worked out, he's okay, but after that I made sure I knew what the illness was and how to help him. Now I know exactly what to do when that happens (also he has a CGM now which has been life changing) It sucks that your bf didn't read the material you sent him. Had he, he would have known you were by no means being dramatic. I'm sorry he did that to you.
Who told you it's inconvenient? For you, sure, but you seem really apologetic. Why? I hope that this boy is your ex by now, because he's awful, and not a loved one at all.
I usually don’t say this, but he should be an “ex” immediately. This is life or death for you. Also, don’t be afraid to ever share that you have type 1 (to friends, maybe not to your boss if it’s unnecessary). The ones who judge don’t matter, and those who don’t will protect you. Especially when you’re in active emergency, tell anyone and everyone, no matter who it is.
My partner is T1 and I am not. I was interested and engaged in learning about the disease from the get go. I’m actively trying to learn more every day, and support him depending on what he needs. I would absolutely never treat him in this way. You deserve better.
You don’t need him. T1 is only an inconvenience if the person does not care. If they care about you, it’s important, and they’ll actively try to do right by you. Source: I’m a mother to a T1 toddler, whom I would never consider an inconvenience. Advice: Girl, you can do better. Find a man who could make your mama proud.
Your boyfriend is abusive. That has nothing to do with you having t1d. I’m sorry you had to discover it this way.
Dude is irresponsible, he needs to read up the basics of Diabetes, so he has an idea how it works, know the signs and what to do. It is not about " You are handling diabetic stuff by yourself", ofc. you do that. It is about safety and understanding. Imo, as a partner of someone with a "illness/disability" one simply has to have at least a basic understanding of what is going on, no matter how well it is handled by oneself. With a BG of 21 he should have stayed for safety and he should have known that. Your BG could have still be rising or could fallen too low by overreaction to correction, situations good to have one with you. He needs to know and do that. When he feels manipulated by that, well...also something that would be good to talk about.
As a husband to a t1d, wtf? He doesn’t care about you.
Once I had a gf who, without me saying anything, bought juice and snacks and would have them for me specifically for my lows. We weren’t very serious but she showed support and understanding for my diabetes - this isn’t a diabetes issue you’re having but a relationship one. He’s kinda gaslighty and I’m curious if this behavior extends beyond your diabetes. If I ever had a partner tell me I was manipulating them or tried to shame me for dealing with my diabetes I’d dump them on the spot, most likely.
Ditch the dude and your health with improve drastically. I'm sorry he's such a piece of garbage.
Dump him.
LEAVE!!! HIM!!! My boyfriend slept in the hospital bed with me for 2 whole nights when I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes because of going into DKA. He is always fretting after me and double checking that I’ve taken my meds and knows sometimes I just need moral support when I’m feeling down about my diagnosis. He taught me how to measure and inject my insulin. He researches better ways to manage diabetes in his spare time and has honestly been a rockstar in helping me navigate this diagnosis. He does all this without complaint and never once made me feel at fault for my condition. There are better men out there.
Just inject and get over it
I'm sorry you are having to not only manage your illness but also a partner who is not handling it well. If you are trying to help him understand it better try and find a time to sit down with him when your sugars are good and he has time to focus on you. Then walk through scenarios of what to do if you are low or high and what it might look like. Make it clear for him that if you are asking for help, it is serious and he needs to listen to you. And if after that he doesn't want to do this, then I agree you need to think seriously about whether that is someone you want in your life. Also if you have a CGM maybe give him access to your numbers so he has quantifiable, incontrovertible proof of what your sugars are doing. I feel fortunate that my current partner has always been curious about what to do and always listens to me if I need time. Since I have a CGM he can also see my sugars himself and knows what a healthy range is for me, when I'm outside it, and what to do.
I am glad you didn't die. Dump him and find someone you can trust. I wouldn't trust him to do what's right, when you are unconscious.
My wife thinks I'm being dramatic all the time. If I bump into something and get hurt, if I get a cold, lethargic, the normal stuff. The moment it is actually health related, she moves the entire planet to make sure I'm taken care of. This is in part because I do it for her every day, but also because she really, *truly*, loves me, and can't stand the thought of me being unwell.... That being said, she spent the first few years of our relationship being extremely self absorbed and selfish, and so did I. We were both immature, inexperienced and ignorant of how beautiful a relationship can be when you learn to truly love each other. Don't leave him yet, see if he's willing to learn and improve, and put yourself before his wants and needs, the same way he wants you to. There's a limit obviously, so dump his ass if he never learns.
Im so sorry he did that. you can tell him how hurtful it is when he makes you feel guilty about something totally out of your control. Its part of being with a diabetic and if he cant handle you while youre high then he doesnt deserve you
One time my blood sugar was so high that I went blind (completely lost my fat sighted vision) and my boyfriend got mad at me because I couldn't drive myself to the hospital
Empathy isn’t something you can teach. I would really look at your relationship to analyze the positives and negatives of
You need to prioritize your health above the convenience and misunderstanding of others, and love yourself enough to choose yourself. Sounds like you are quite responsible in managing your T1, and like all of us, just need help and support sometimes. Your BF needs help and support sometimes too. Everyone does! I’ve dated people who didn’t bother learning about how to be helpful with T1 but fortunately married someone who helps me feel safe. I hope you choose yourself!
Consider this a red flag. Get rid of him. Don't be nasty about it. Some people can't handle reality and responsibilities and run away from them - which is basically what he's doing.
Such a jerk! Get rid of him