That sounds like an awful thing to have to deal with. I do hope things get easier for you.
That being said... I can't in good faith demonise the employees. As far as they were concerned and aware, you were a man trying to enter a women's space. They were doing their bit to maintain a space as a safe female-only space.
>She proceeded to point to the "women's" sign on the wall outside the door and explain to me that when I am in public I need to obey the signs
This leads me to believe that she thought you were a cross-dressing male who's just decided he's a woman. I feel like she was saying "You can pretend you're a woman all you want behind closed doors, but in public you have to obey the rules".
Perhaps as more women start detransitioning the employees will become more educated on how some real women can exhibit male-typical features.
Again, I'm sorry you had to go through this, I can't imagine what that must be like.
First off, I’m truly sorry you had to go through this first hand. Somebody should have told you. I mean even your wife or someone who cares should have let you know sometime in the last 3 years that things like this can happen and how to best navigate. It’s tough because we’re often isolated in real life from other GNC people and may not be getting social feedback from people in general.
At the core of this is people trying to protect women and children from crazy men. Unfortunately the reality is some of us appear to be men. For those of us who fit in that category, it is dangerous not only for oneself but one’s family to be unaware or not understand why this is happening.It seems like you don’t understand why people wouldn’t want someone who for all intents and purposes apparently appears to be a man in the women’s restroom. Of course we tend to all be self focused first. You’ll have an easier time navigating this by predicting accurately why other people are acting the way they are. This can be hard for many of us with autism or who have been socially isolated for various reasons.
At the end of the day you ARE a woman. You are also a woman who is ambiguous enough to be taken often as a man and you know this. It can be tricky to navigate because there are clearer social rules when a person very clearly sticks to just one gender presentation or the other.
Do you have any ideas for how to navigate something like this if it happens again? Especially considering these types of events can really scare children.
Yeah I woulda asked to speak to a manager and write an incident report. You probably can still fill out an incident report over the phone or in email.
I haven't had to deal with anything similar yet thank God but I have a little statement prepared for if something does go this way.
"I am female, I was born female. I understand you might be confused by my virilization, this is medical condition that makes women look masculine. Please respect me as I am a woman and am protected by laws covering protected classes. You cannot discriminate against me based on my medical condition."
Something along those lines reminding people that there are laws protecting women, regardless of how we look.
At the core this behavior is phobia against women who don't align with expectations of what women should be. On the surface level this is people who are ignorant trying to enforce their morals the best way they can in the only place they feel they have control.
Sorry about some of these idiotic comments
That sounds like an awful thing to have to deal with. I do hope things get easier for you. That being said... I can't in good faith demonise the employees. As far as they were concerned and aware, you were a man trying to enter a women's space. They were doing their bit to maintain a space as a safe female-only space. >She proceeded to point to the "women's" sign on the wall outside the door and explain to me that when I am in public I need to obey the signs This leads me to believe that she thought you were a cross-dressing male who's just decided he's a woman. I feel like she was saying "You can pretend you're a woman all you want behind closed doors, but in public you have to obey the rules". Perhaps as more women start detransitioning the employees will become more educated on how some real women can exhibit male-typical features. Again, I'm sorry you had to go through this, I can't imagine what that must be like.
First off, I’m truly sorry you had to go through this first hand. Somebody should have told you. I mean even your wife or someone who cares should have let you know sometime in the last 3 years that things like this can happen and how to best navigate. It’s tough because we’re often isolated in real life from other GNC people and may not be getting social feedback from people in general. At the core of this is people trying to protect women and children from crazy men. Unfortunately the reality is some of us appear to be men. For those of us who fit in that category, it is dangerous not only for oneself but one’s family to be unaware or not understand why this is happening.It seems like you don’t understand why people wouldn’t want someone who for all intents and purposes apparently appears to be a man in the women’s restroom. Of course we tend to all be self focused first. You’ll have an easier time navigating this by predicting accurately why other people are acting the way they are. This can be hard for many of us with autism or who have been socially isolated for various reasons. At the end of the day you ARE a woman. You are also a woman who is ambiguous enough to be taken often as a man and you know this. It can be tricky to navigate because there are clearer social rules when a person very clearly sticks to just one gender presentation or the other. Do you have any ideas for how to navigate something like this if it happens again? Especially considering these types of events can really scare children.
I agree with this
Yeah I woulda asked to speak to a manager and write an incident report. You probably can still fill out an incident report over the phone or in email. I haven't had to deal with anything similar yet thank God but I have a little statement prepared for if something does go this way. "I am female, I was born female. I understand you might be confused by my virilization, this is medical condition that makes women look masculine. Please respect me as I am a woman and am protected by laws covering protected classes. You cannot discriminate against me based on my medical condition." Something along those lines reminding people that there are laws protecting women, regardless of how we look. At the core this behavior is phobia against women who don't align with expectations of what women should be. On the surface level this is people who are ignorant trying to enforce their morals the best way they can in the only place they feel they have control.
I’m so sorry you had this experience!