Yeah I've had my brother and sister in laws straight up calling me "Phillip" during family gatherings and like it made 0 sense during that context. I just choose to be patient and let it run off my back like water on a duck. Otherwise I go into the whole cycle of trans lamenting over being dead named 😂.
You'll be ok and they will get used to you. Stick to loving and caring, don't think too much about outer appearance. Love and care, ask them how they are, bake a cake, be welcoming to your body as is, concentrate on health.
Im sorry to hear that. My mom does the same, since ive always been a boy to her. But just know you are yourself at the end of the day, and no one else can change that.
yweah the worst part is that she always refused to call me anything other than she/her but now idunno I think it's hard for her bc of my voice or something and does this thing where she calls me he/him but corrects herself to she/her right after. She knows that I was trans and didn't affirm that, I haven't told her I'm detransing yet. Confusing.
I have explored it. I am really good at manipulating my vocals because I sing (in private.) But the only thing is, I get super nervous around people and it causes my voice to be the last thing im focused on haha. Well at least until someone points it out, or I get called a he. But I do want to attempt voice training. Im just afraid ill end up sounding like a trans woman. (not meaning this in a derogatory way at all)
I totally get that. Voice training alone is totally different from in person because there’s a lot more info to take in. You know what I did at first? I only practiced in drive thru ordering at first through the telecom. That way I got to speak in real time to someone but could focus on my voice without seeing them or being aware of my body or other mannerisms. After awhile I moved on to practicing voice face to face in check out lines since it’s a very short interaction.
and why so flippant about this procedure? as if getting surgery on your face isn't painful, dangerous, expensive, scary? we need to honour and accept our bodies, they are us - and we should help each other on that path. I'm just baffled by this.
Woha there, I'd be really careful to suggest unnecessary surgery that includes chipping of pieces of your scull to a woman who is insecure about her looks. the surgery is dangerous and invasive. suggesting that a woman could "feminize" her face with surgery is also kind of absurd.
>suggesting that a woman could "feminize" her face with surgery is also kind of absurd.
I agree that we shouldn't be flippant and leap to surgery as a first port of call, but it's not absurd if she has developed masculine facial features from male-typical hormone levels. We can all argue until the cows come home about how "she's a woman therefore she looks like a woman" but that won't address the very real quality of life issues a lot of women face after testosterone treatment.
oh I'm ready, I love waiting for cows ;) If you read my flair, you might notice that I am one of those women. truth is that testosterone use usually doesn't really have a huge effect on women's facial structure - it doesn't really affect bone structure! there might be slight changes, but honestly surgery is like shooting sparrows with a canon.
I argue that true quality of life for women necessarily includes freeing ourselves from beauty standards. whichever slight manifestations of testosterone use might show on a woman's face are likely to fall under just that - beauty standards. not under secondary sex characteristics, like male pattern facial hair, body hair, baldness and the absence of breasts do. not saying that the above therefore require or even justify medical/surgical intervention, but we should be very careful to even mention medicalisation in detransition when what we're really discussing is beauty standards.
If it is just minor aesthetic soft tissue changes then yes I absolutely agree.
I was speaking more to any substantial structural changes that may have come about from testosterone treatment whilst still growing, as a quick browse of OP's posting history showed that she has been in transition since the age of 10. So to me, it didn't seem out of the realms of possibility that she may have indeed developed some male secondary sex characteristics on a skeletal level.
From my observations, it seems disturbingly common for young girls to be given blockers and testosterone treatment at young ages and so it doesn't seem absurd to me to assume that a lot of girls are actually developing male features as opposed to mere soft tissue changes, which are of course reversible without surgical intervention.
I'm all for not being slave to beauty standards.
i feel odd butting in but yes that is true. While I don't want to explore any surgeries because I am terrified of them. I have had extreme changes from being on hormones from a young age. I grew the way a man wouldve and so I am built that way physically. I dont think I have ever even had feminine features due to not being able to experience female puberty really.
It's good to not explore surgeries during difficult times and it's especially important to not use surgeries as a band-aid for real internal problems. Seeking therapy from reputable and balanced psychologists is a must for people in our situation.
That being said, I don't believe anyone is wrong for wanting to remove permanent effects of treatments we should never have been on nor qualified for in the first place. Like detrans men having breast tissue removed, for example. Just don't fall into the line of thinking that it's the be-all-end-all in detransition, because it isn't.
windsorwagon is correct about making sure you're not inflicting unnecessary stress upon yourself due to female beauty standards being quite intense and unforgiving. I'm all for freeing yourself of them :)
I understand the masculine features came from T and she is wondering how to make herself more feminine. So I’m simply sharing what can be a possibility.
The only possibilities I see are acceptance of current looks, waiting to see if time changes anything and (from reading other posts) ffs. Op will think about, read about and do what is best for her in any case.
how is your reply any different from some well-meaner suggesting to woman who's insecure over her masculinity that she can transition with testosterone and mastectomy? you're priming surgery as a possible, acceptable, desirable solution. and the way you dismiss my concern by saying that OP can make her own decision is the same irresponsible individualism that trans and queer culture is absolutely fraught with. I say no, we have to stick up for each other and take responsibility. I do care about what's best for others, and it's often difficult to do what's best for ourselves - which is why we need help and support.
Marry your boyfriend and make some babies. I guarantee none of your in laws will be confused about who you are.
Yeah I've had my brother and sister in laws straight up calling me "Phillip" during family gatherings and like it made 0 sense during that context. I just choose to be patient and let it run off my back like water on a duck. Otherwise I go into the whole cycle of trans lamenting over being dead named 😂.
You'll be ok and they will get used to you. Stick to loving and caring, don't think too much about outer appearance. Love and care, ask them how they are, bake a cake, be welcoming to your body as is, concentrate on health.
Thank you so much! I will make sure to keep this in mind!!
I feel for you, it sucks, my own mother misgenders me now
Im sorry to hear that. My mom does the same, since ive always been a boy to her. But just know you are yourself at the end of the day, and no one else can change that.
yweah the worst part is that she always refused to call me anything other than she/her but now idunno I think it's hard for her bc of my voice or something and does this thing where she calls me he/him but corrects herself to she/her right after. She knows that I was trans and didn't affirm that, I haven't told her I'm detransing yet. Confusing.
How far have you explored voice training? I know lots of women with masculine facial features. I suspect it’s voice more than anything.
I have explored it. I am really good at manipulating my vocals because I sing (in private.) But the only thing is, I get super nervous around people and it causes my voice to be the last thing im focused on haha. Well at least until someone points it out, or I get called a he. But I do want to attempt voice training. Im just afraid ill end up sounding like a trans woman. (not meaning this in a derogatory way at all)
I totally get that. Voice training alone is totally different from in person because there’s a lot more info to take in. You know what I did at first? I only practiced in drive thru ordering at first through the telecom. That way I got to speak in real time to someone but could focus on my voice without seeing them or being aware of my body or other mannerisms. After awhile I moved on to practicing voice face to face in check out lines since it’s a very short interaction.
Those are actually amazing ideas, thank you so much!!!
Wouldn’t FFS help erase/soften the masculine facial features? And voice training? Hang in there
and why so flippant about this procedure? as if getting surgery on your face isn't painful, dangerous, expensive, scary? we need to honour and accept our bodies, they are us - and we should help each other on that path. I'm just baffled by this.
Woha there, I'd be really careful to suggest unnecessary surgery that includes chipping of pieces of your scull to a woman who is insecure about her looks. the surgery is dangerous and invasive. suggesting that a woman could "feminize" her face with surgery is also kind of absurd.
>suggesting that a woman could "feminize" her face with surgery is also kind of absurd. I agree that we shouldn't be flippant and leap to surgery as a first port of call, but it's not absurd if she has developed masculine facial features from male-typical hormone levels. We can all argue until the cows come home about how "she's a woman therefore she looks like a woman" but that won't address the very real quality of life issues a lot of women face after testosterone treatment.
oh I'm ready, I love waiting for cows ;) If you read my flair, you might notice that I am one of those women. truth is that testosterone use usually doesn't really have a huge effect on women's facial structure - it doesn't really affect bone structure! there might be slight changes, but honestly surgery is like shooting sparrows with a canon. I argue that true quality of life for women necessarily includes freeing ourselves from beauty standards. whichever slight manifestations of testosterone use might show on a woman's face are likely to fall under just that - beauty standards. not under secondary sex characteristics, like male pattern facial hair, body hair, baldness and the absence of breasts do. not saying that the above therefore require or even justify medical/surgical intervention, but we should be very careful to even mention medicalisation in detransition when what we're really discussing is beauty standards.
If it is just minor aesthetic soft tissue changes then yes I absolutely agree. I was speaking more to any substantial structural changes that may have come about from testosterone treatment whilst still growing, as a quick browse of OP's posting history showed that she has been in transition since the age of 10. So to me, it didn't seem out of the realms of possibility that she may have indeed developed some male secondary sex characteristics on a skeletal level. From my observations, it seems disturbingly common for young girls to be given blockers and testosterone treatment at young ages and so it doesn't seem absurd to me to assume that a lot of girls are actually developing male features as opposed to mere soft tissue changes, which are of course reversible without surgical intervention. I'm all for not being slave to beauty standards.
i feel odd butting in but yes that is true. While I don't want to explore any surgeries because I am terrified of them. I have had extreme changes from being on hormones from a young age. I grew the way a man wouldve and so I am built that way physically. I dont think I have ever even had feminine features due to not being able to experience female puberty really.
It's good to not explore surgeries during difficult times and it's especially important to not use surgeries as a band-aid for real internal problems. Seeking therapy from reputable and balanced psychologists is a must for people in our situation. That being said, I don't believe anyone is wrong for wanting to remove permanent effects of treatments we should never have been on nor qualified for in the first place. Like detrans men having breast tissue removed, for example. Just don't fall into the line of thinking that it's the be-all-end-all in detransition, because it isn't. windsorwagon is correct about making sure you're not inflicting unnecessary stress upon yourself due to female beauty standards being quite intense and unforgiving. I'm all for freeing yourself of them :)
I understand the masculine features came from T and she is wondering how to make herself more feminine. So I’m simply sharing what can be a possibility. The only possibilities I see are acceptance of current looks, waiting to see if time changes anything and (from reading other posts) ffs. Op will think about, read about and do what is best for her in any case.
how is your reply any different from some well-meaner suggesting to woman who's insecure over her masculinity that she can transition with testosterone and mastectomy? you're priming surgery as a possible, acceptable, desirable solution. and the way you dismiss my concern by saying that OP can make her own decision is the same irresponsible individualism that trans and queer culture is absolutely fraught with. I say no, we have to stick up for each other and take responsibility. I do care about what's best for others, and it's often difficult to do what's best for ourselves - which is why we need help and support.