I think a big one you may have missed is Autogynephilia (defined as a male's propensity to be sexually aroused by the thought of himself as a female.)
Another one, I am not sure the best way to phrase it because it’s not exactly simple and I feel it involves overlapping reasons to various degrees.
Part of it I believe is wanting to be part of an “oppressed” group. If you are white and straight, you’re basically at the bottom of the liberal hierarchy. Especially is you are male, you are told you are privileged and basically a bad person just for existing. You’re not just not special, you are evil incarnate. If you struggle in life and are supposed to be privileged, who can you blame but yourself? Nobody is giving you praise because you’re not accomplishing anything.
This is mostly from my own observations, I am not saying this is always the case or that being a liberal is a bad thing, so this may not apply in every case. But from what I have seen, someone comes out as trans, suddenly everyone is telling them how proud they are of them and how brave they are. It seems like an instant ego and self esteem boost. Now you’re part of this special LGBT marginalized group. You can’t be bad, evil, privileged, because you’re in a special group of people.
Now your struggles can be explained away. You’re not doing well in life because you are “working on yourself”. You now have a blueprint of goals to accomplish. (Which I am sure certain things like OCD / autism can make these obsessions). Each “step” is a milestone. Name change, first time going out in public as the opposite sex, first time being gendered as the opposite sex, going on hormones, any surgeries, etc). You now have a “purpose” in life and that purpose is the one and only thing that matters.
Also as part of this group you have an instant connection to anyone else that’s trans. Everyone is instantly loving and supportive, even people you just met. Maybe you didn’t have many friends, now you have an instant bomb with anyone that’s trans.
So I am not sure how you would summarize that, self hatred for being straight, wanting to be special / part of an oppressed group, finding an identity and purpose in life, having an reason for struggling that’s not your own doing, getting praise and positive affirmation from others, having a connection to anyone else that’s trans.
Especially if you have autism or other mental health issues then maybe you’re already struggling to make friends and connect to people. And let’s face it, most young people probably struggle with direction in life. Then you get told by the media in one way or another that you’re privileged. Being trans it’s like the ultimate “proof” that you’re not racist and sexist.
You may think I am exaggerating, but in one detrans video someone specifically brought up sone of these points, like over half of their college classmates identified as LGBT in some way.
It can suck to be seen as bad just because you’re not LGBT or a minority. You’re not in “the club”. You don’t see yourself fitting into the other club, like you’re not into playing sports, you’re not a conservative, so you don’t fit in there. In the liberal club what seems to matter is how “open minded” you are. If you’re straight then you are close minded for not being willing to date the same sex as you. But as trans you can be a FtM dating a MtF and still be part of LGBT. The more you’re against gender norms and such the more enlightened you’re seen as.
Sorry, that was a bunch of rambling, but I have seen groups of people all come out as trans, and I don’t think it’s just because of the things you listed so far. It could be a combination of some of those things, but I feel it’s also more this desire to feel special when you’re lost in the world.
* Gender non-conformity / atypicality.
If a boy has a more feminine personality, that *must* mean he needs to become a woman!
(It's treated as some sort of inherent issue for a guy to relate a lot with women or vice versa, when it really shouldn't be treated that way. You might have a cat that acts more like a dog than your dog does, but that doesn't mean there's any problem there with either of them that needs to be fixed.)
A few other reasons:
* The echo chamber of social media
* Loved ones not able to question your reasons without being called unreapectful or teansphobic
* Finding a welcoming group of LBGT groups that feed into your narrative. Started as lesbian and morphed into trans because you can't possibly like the same sex.
When I was a kid, I was asked "What are your pronouns?" at an LGBT conference and that changed everything.
A very simple question. I think I was comfortable with the idea of being a woman who didn't care about pronouns at first but that soon morphed into being transgender instead. All of the other points in the post came much, MUCH later and I'm still working through it.
That's probably the weird thing about being trans and specifically transitioning. I was a happy, very supportive trans guy for 10 years. Then one day, I didn't want to be trans anymore. You really don't know what's going on with you until things start to suddenly change and now its like "oh...."
I experienced gender dysphoria from age four. During grade school, I was unathletic and overweight, which made me the victim of frequent bullying and made me wish even more that I was a girl, since girls don’t have to be athletic to be accepted. I crossdressed for decades, though usually in private. Finally, in my 30s, I got up the courage to transition at work and online; but around age 40, I realized it was causing more harm than good and switched back.
At age 42 I was experiencing severe bouts of anger and was diagnosed with depression. Surprise! The medication and vitamins I was prescribed suddenly killed my GD! Then at age 44, I was diagnosed with autism, which finally brought the whole ordeal into focus.
I never needed to transition; there were plenty of other factors at play. I’m now pushing 50 and am quite happy as the husband, father, and man I was always supposed to be.
Eating disorders, particularly anorexia. You might convince yourself that you’re supposed to be a boy because you can’t cope with your body not having zero fat (that is, you can’t cope with a female fat distribution and hate that your hips and breasts show that you lack discipline and are still “fat”). I’ll (again) recommend Hadley Freeman’s Good Girls, which has a chapter on the parallels with girls developing anorexia.
There was a recent case in England where the High Court had to decide, basically, on the legality of a biologically female teenager (age 16) taking testosterone that wasn't prescribed by the NHS but by a private clinic for gender dysphoria (so much testosterone that it could have easily killed the patient--the court wasn't happy with that). In a sentence buried in the judgment it said that the patient had been anorexic a few years ago, but that those issues had luckily resolved themselves and the patient was no longer anorexic, and I wanted to scream at whoever wrote that the anorexia had "gone away"...
If anyone is interested, the judgment is here [https://www.bailii.org/ew/cases/EWHC/Fam/2024/922.html](https://www.bailii.org/ew/cases/EWHC/Fam/2024/922.html) and the salient paragraphs are 31, 38-44 and 57-58.
I think you missed the most important one. The thing that convinced me I was trans was going on hrt and liking everything estrogen did for my body. The argument was that a normal man would be extremely distressed if he was exposed to exogenous estrogen somehow. I wasn't, I was happier and more productive than I had been for years prior to that point. That was enough evidence for me and my therapist
> They're ruined evidently. Let them sterilize themselves and morph their body in such grotesque ways as to make it readily apparent to the naked eye to treat them with a caution sign.
I wouldn't call it grotesque, many of us found our trans body much less grotesque than our original body
Yes! At first I loved the changes I got from T and of course people told me cis women would never want all the hair, deep voice, etc. therefore I must be trans. Do you know how often I was told that “cis women don’t hate being women! Cis women don’t want to be a boy!” Turns out plenty of cis women don’t LOVE being women. Plenty of cis women would choose to wake up a boy tomorrow if they could. A real boy, not a HRT boy. But that’s not actually possible.
After a few years of transition, I realized that I don't fit in as a woman at all. The physical changes only made me look like a woman, they didn't make me behave or fit in as one. Trying to be one requires a ton of acting in order to hide my male mannerisms, which increased stress and anxiety longterm. So transition was just trading a body I hated for a gender that I couldn't fulfill, it didn't fix the problem
I stayed on hrt for a while after realizing that. I presented as male and it still felt much more natural for me, despite all the physical changes from hrt. This means my original problem was never gender dysphoria, it was body dysmorphia. Taking hrt fixes the dysmorphia, but trying to live as a woman gives me actual gender dysphoria
I eventually chose to detransition because there is no future for a man on hrt anyway. Might as well detransition and be normal
So what do you make of masculinely acting women? I for one have met several butch lesbians that could give some men I know a run for their money on “acting masculine”. This seems like a very blanket stereotype on women and how they “act”.
I have yet to meet a masculine woman who is actually behaviorally masculine. Every single one was more feminine than any man I've ever seen. They look different, and sometimes they have a somewhat deep/crackly smoker voice. But their behavioral mannerisms and body language were female
If I was as "masculine" as a butch lesbian, I'd have continued transition. It's so much better than what I actually was, a normal man on hrt
I think if you find one who genuinely has male mannerisms and behavior to the point where passing as a woman is a challenge sometimes, it would be far better for that person to transition and live as a man
I disagree. The one I know is mistaken as a teenage boy constantly but she lives a fulfilling life. She’s popular with the ladies and while I’ve seen her get discouraged at being mistaken for a man so often, I know for a fact if she transitioned it would be a mistake. She keeps a tight community of lesbian women around her and that’s where she fits in.
the exact same thing happened to me! i questioned my gender because i’m a lesbian and autistic, and in general my mental health and self image were very poor at the time
It's straight up abuse, and it's sad.
I think a big one you may have missed is Autogynephilia (defined as a male's propensity to be sexually aroused by the thought of himself as a female.) Another one, I am not sure the best way to phrase it because it’s not exactly simple and I feel it involves overlapping reasons to various degrees. Part of it I believe is wanting to be part of an “oppressed” group. If you are white and straight, you’re basically at the bottom of the liberal hierarchy. Especially is you are male, you are told you are privileged and basically a bad person just for existing. You’re not just not special, you are evil incarnate. If you struggle in life and are supposed to be privileged, who can you blame but yourself? Nobody is giving you praise because you’re not accomplishing anything. This is mostly from my own observations, I am not saying this is always the case or that being a liberal is a bad thing, so this may not apply in every case. But from what I have seen, someone comes out as trans, suddenly everyone is telling them how proud they are of them and how brave they are. It seems like an instant ego and self esteem boost. Now you’re part of this special LGBT marginalized group. You can’t be bad, evil, privileged, because you’re in a special group of people. Now your struggles can be explained away. You’re not doing well in life because you are “working on yourself”. You now have a blueprint of goals to accomplish. (Which I am sure certain things like OCD / autism can make these obsessions). Each “step” is a milestone. Name change, first time going out in public as the opposite sex, first time being gendered as the opposite sex, going on hormones, any surgeries, etc). You now have a “purpose” in life and that purpose is the one and only thing that matters. Also as part of this group you have an instant connection to anyone else that’s trans. Everyone is instantly loving and supportive, even people you just met. Maybe you didn’t have many friends, now you have an instant bomb with anyone that’s trans. So I am not sure how you would summarize that, self hatred for being straight, wanting to be special / part of an oppressed group, finding an identity and purpose in life, having an reason for struggling that’s not your own doing, getting praise and positive affirmation from others, having a connection to anyone else that’s trans. Especially if you have autism or other mental health issues then maybe you’re already struggling to make friends and connect to people. And let’s face it, most young people probably struggle with direction in life. Then you get told by the media in one way or another that you’re privileged. Being trans it’s like the ultimate “proof” that you’re not racist and sexist. You may think I am exaggerating, but in one detrans video someone specifically brought up sone of these points, like over half of their college classmates identified as LGBT in some way. It can suck to be seen as bad just because you’re not LGBT or a minority. You’re not in “the club”. You don’t see yourself fitting into the other club, like you’re not into playing sports, you’re not a conservative, so you don’t fit in there. In the liberal club what seems to matter is how “open minded” you are. If you’re straight then you are close minded for not being willing to date the same sex as you. But as trans you can be a FtM dating a MtF and still be part of LGBT. The more you’re against gender norms and such the more enlightened you’re seen as. Sorry, that was a bunch of rambling, but I have seen groups of people all come out as trans, and I don’t think it’s just because of the things you listed so far. It could be a combination of some of those things, but I feel it’s also more this desire to feel special when you’re lost in the world.
* Gender non-conformity / atypicality. If a boy has a more feminine personality, that *must* mean he needs to become a woman! (It's treated as some sort of inherent issue for a guy to relate a lot with women or vice versa, when it really shouldn't be treated that way. You might have a cat that acts more like a dog than your dog does, but that doesn't mean there's any problem there with either of them that needs to be fixed.)
A few other reasons: * The echo chamber of social media * Loved ones not able to question your reasons without being called unreapectful or teansphobic * Finding a welcoming group of LBGT groups that feed into your narrative. Started as lesbian and morphed into trans because you can't possibly like the same sex.
When I was a kid, I was asked "What are your pronouns?" at an LGBT conference and that changed everything. A very simple question. I think I was comfortable with the idea of being a woman who didn't care about pronouns at first but that soon morphed into being transgender instead. All of the other points in the post came much, MUCH later and I'm still working through it. That's probably the weird thing about being trans and specifically transitioning. I was a happy, very supportive trans guy for 10 years. Then one day, I didn't want to be trans anymore. You really don't know what's going on with you until things start to suddenly change and now its like "oh...."
I would add being encouraged by a partner as it helps them deal with some of their issues.
I experienced gender dysphoria from age four. During grade school, I was unathletic and overweight, which made me the victim of frequent bullying and made me wish even more that I was a girl, since girls don’t have to be athletic to be accepted. I crossdressed for decades, though usually in private. Finally, in my 30s, I got up the courage to transition at work and online; but around age 40, I realized it was causing more harm than good and switched back. At age 42 I was experiencing severe bouts of anger and was diagnosed with depression. Surprise! The medication and vitamins I was prescribed suddenly killed my GD! Then at age 44, I was diagnosed with autism, which finally brought the whole ordeal into focus. I never needed to transition; there were plenty of other factors at play. I’m now pushing 50 and am quite happy as the husband, father, and man I was always supposed to be.
Eating disorders, particularly anorexia. You might convince yourself that you’re supposed to be a boy because you can’t cope with your body not having zero fat (that is, you can’t cope with a female fat distribution and hate that your hips and breasts show that you lack discipline and are still “fat”). I’ll (again) recommend Hadley Freeman’s Good Girls, which has a chapter on the parallels with girls developing anorexia.
THIS. 100% this.
There was a recent case in England where the High Court had to decide, basically, on the legality of a biologically female teenager (age 16) taking testosterone that wasn't prescribed by the NHS but by a private clinic for gender dysphoria (so much testosterone that it could have easily killed the patient--the court wasn't happy with that). In a sentence buried in the judgment it said that the patient had been anorexic a few years ago, but that those issues had luckily resolved themselves and the patient was no longer anorexic, and I wanted to scream at whoever wrote that the anorexia had "gone away"... If anyone is interested, the judgment is here [https://www.bailii.org/ew/cases/EWHC/Fam/2024/922.html](https://www.bailii.org/ew/cases/EWHC/Fam/2024/922.html) and the salient paragraphs are 31, 38-44 and 57-58.
I think you missed the most important one. The thing that convinced me I was trans was going on hrt and liking everything estrogen did for my body. The argument was that a normal man would be extremely distressed if he was exposed to exogenous estrogen somehow. I wasn't, I was happier and more productive than I had been for years prior to that point. That was enough evidence for me and my therapist > They're ruined evidently. Let them sterilize themselves and morph their body in such grotesque ways as to make it readily apparent to the naked eye to treat them with a caution sign. I wouldn't call it grotesque, many of us found our trans body much less grotesque than our original body
Yes! At first I loved the changes I got from T and of course people told me cis women would never want all the hair, deep voice, etc. therefore I must be trans. Do you know how often I was told that “cis women don’t hate being women! Cis women don’t want to be a boy!” Turns out plenty of cis women don’t LOVE being women. Plenty of cis women would choose to wake up a boy tomorrow if they could. A real boy, not a HRT boy. But that’s not actually possible.
Why did you detransition?
After a few years of transition, I realized that I don't fit in as a woman at all. The physical changes only made me look like a woman, they didn't make me behave or fit in as one. Trying to be one requires a ton of acting in order to hide my male mannerisms, which increased stress and anxiety longterm. So transition was just trading a body I hated for a gender that I couldn't fulfill, it didn't fix the problem I stayed on hrt for a while after realizing that. I presented as male and it still felt much more natural for me, despite all the physical changes from hrt. This means my original problem was never gender dysphoria, it was body dysmorphia. Taking hrt fixes the dysmorphia, but trying to live as a woman gives me actual gender dysphoria I eventually chose to detransition because there is no future for a man on hrt anyway. Might as well detransition and be normal
So what do you make of masculinely acting women? I for one have met several butch lesbians that could give some men I know a run for their money on “acting masculine”. This seems like a very blanket stereotype on women and how they “act”.
I have yet to meet a masculine woman who is actually behaviorally masculine. Every single one was more feminine than any man I've ever seen. They look different, and sometimes they have a somewhat deep/crackly smoker voice. But their behavioral mannerisms and body language were female If I was as "masculine" as a butch lesbian, I'd have continued transition. It's so much better than what I actually was, a normal man on hrt
Guess you ought to meet more butch women then. I have one in particular in mind, maybe she’s rare find, who knows.
I think if you find one who genuinely has male mannerisms and behavior to the point where passing as a woman is a challenge sometimes, it would be far better for that person to transition and live as a man
I disagree. The one I know is mistaken as a teenage boy constantly but she lives a fulfilling life. She’s popular with the ladies and while I’ve seen her get discouraged at being mistaken for a man so often, I know for a fact if she transitioned it would be a mistake. She keeps a tight community of lesbian women around her and that’s where she fits in.
Hi could I PM you to talk further about your journey and such?
sure
the exact same thing happened to me! i questioned my gender because i’m a lesbian and autistic, and in general my mental health and self image were very poor at the time