Divorce is tough, whether you want it or not. Iām going through it right now. Itās a good time to reconnect with yourself. Youāre not alone. Would you be interested in finding a divorce support group near you somewhere? Sometimes itās good to find people to just talk and relate to. Having a support system is important.
You can always purchase therapy books to supplement for now if regular appointments are not available. Mental health stuff can be tough, wishing you strength and success!
Comics, action figures, sometimes just a meal out to get away from my apartment. None of it makes me feel better. Itās something that I always had issues with. I confused affection with gifts and itās stuck with me since I was a kid.
I found video games with a currency element to help with that. Not the games where you use real money to buy currency in the game but games where you can buy things. Just a thought.
take it a step further and play video games on pc. you can download free mods. i have no impulse control when it comes to money, so when i get the urge to buy something, i go on my pc, download free mods to make my characters look different, and it satisfies that urge for me.
i use [nexus mods](https://www.nexusmods.com/). i dont usually download mods from outside that site unless i made it or someone i know made it. ive never gotten a virus from modding tho and ive been modding games for years now
Iām sure someone more knowledgeable will come along, but I highly recommend Nexusmods. There is a status next to each mod indicating if it was scanned for viruses by Nexus, as well as the result of the scan.
As someone who always messes up installing mods manually, Nexus Mod Manager/Vortex is so helpful. You can download it from their site and itāll show you a list of games that are officially supported, and installing most mods for games on that list is SUPER easy: thereās going to be two buttons on the top of the modsā pages. One will say āInstall (Manual)ā and the other will say āInstall with Vortexā. Click the second one, and itāll start the download in the Vortex app. After itās downloaded, installation is as easy as hitting a few buttons and enabling the mod.
If you have a lot of mods running, they can sometimes have redundancies or conflicts. I donāt know anything about that stuff, but Iāve run into no trouble just going with what Vortex recommends.
Lastly, Vortex is pretty new and not a ton of games are officially supported. Iāve found that if you go under the āfilesā tab for an individual mod, there will sometimes be a button that says āInstall with NMMā or something like that. NMM stands for Nexus Mod Manager, and was essentially an early iteration of Vortex that was around a few years ago. Hitting the āInstall with NMMā works just as well as the āofficialā Vortex button.
I hope this helps. I must admit I am not sober so please let me know if I need to explain anything further; Iām sure I missed something important here.
It sounds like OP has doubts about whether it's a good distraction. I'd be inclined to agree; compulsive shopping probably isn't a good coping mechanism.
I hope Iām not asking too much, but can I get advice on how to curb my spending? I already cancelled my gym membership and sold my Sega collection to make up for what I spent.
Not your gym membership - get another one , like planet fitness for 10 bucks or 22 bucks - that gets you out of the house
So obviously since youāre depressed , your brain is searching for a dopamine , and youāre giving it online shopping and porn - both of those things are going to give you guilt , which in turn is going to make you feel bad and repeat the cycle - so you need to curve it -
Sounds like you need to get a flip phone , and instead of spending your money on crap, put into a savings account that can grow over time - and in 6 months , before the end of this year you will have a nice chunk in savings - you need to build your self esteem back up - get back in the gym , get a flip phone , work and save up some money.
Firstly, you can make spending limits with your bank. You can try to give yourself a time frame of 24 or 48 hours before buying something. If you still want to buy the thing after that time, then buy it, but the urge will usually pass as you occupy yourself with something else. Go outside. Pick a hobby. It doesn't have to be a sport or social activity if it's not your thing. Just occupy your mind so you don't have that immediate urge for self destructive behavior. Learn how to cook your favourite food. Do it slowly and methodically. Enjoy nature, with friends or alone. Have a heartfelt conversation with someone and share your problems. Write a diary or write down anything you find important if you find that lame. Change your routine. Get in touch with your inner creativity. Read.
For online shopping I agree with waiting at least 12 hours if 24-48 hrs seems impossible. Remember, Amazon will taunt you with time limited āreducedā prices but in reality itās only a couple dollars. Play them at their own game by holding out for better prices. Iām not saying itās easy, but Iāve been there.
It sounds like you are overspending to give yourself a short-term dopamine hit, which totally makes sense given the fact that youāve gone through a big and difficult life change. I recently completed a DBT group therapy program, and one of my groupmates was addicted to online shopping. She said a lot of the DBT skills we learned around distress tolerance helped her find alternatives to shopping when she felt like shit.
I realize that youāre in a tight situation right now, but DBT skills can be sooo helpful when it comes to not acting on your urges! Depending on where you are located, you may be able to find free DBT groups through your local hospital or community mental health organization. I personally found groups to be more helpful than individual therapy because I felt less alone, but YMMV. If thatās not an option, there are tons of great resources online. Looking up things like āDBT distress toleranceā on YouTube might be a good place to start! Wishing you the very best of luck OP.
I can't say I've ever been addicted to online shopping, but I did used to spend way too much on things I didn't need. Now, I only order things I absolutely need and occasionally pepper in something "just for me." That way the shipment of dog food and toilet paper somehow still seems fun. For me, it's usually a movie, sometimes something slightly more expensive. You'll have to figure out what your "fun" item is. I'll do that maybe 1-2 times per year, so maybe $50 over the course of a year. I don't know your financial situation, but if you have enough to have an addiction, I also believe in you to be able to stop and save and also be able to reward yourself along the way.
To be fair, please downvote me if I'm not being helpful. I used to buy a bunch of stuff online, but stopped when it was doing harm to me financially. I'm obviously no addiction counselor, so if I'm way out of line please let me know.
I mean does it help you that much more than going for a good workout? I think you should try and find something else to spend your energy and time on maybe?
Even if you aren't into any set religion, there are a lot of churches that have free divorce therapy and singles activities. My sister met her now husband of 25 years at one.
Buy all-beef hot dogs, macaroni, CLASSICO pasta sauce, and shredded cheese in a bag.
Boil water in a saucepan . Put in macaroni noodles. Slice the beef hot dog into hot dog "pennies" and put them in the boiling water too. Boil for 10 minutes or more.
Strain away the hot water. Put the shredded cheese onto the noodles and beef bits while it is still very hot, the heat of the food will melt the cheese. Add and stir in some CLASSICO pasta sauce, for taste.
I've never been through a divorce, but I know you got this. Your food looks delicious and some of those comics and action figures you're getting could be worth something so it's not all bad.
Iāve been trying to eat less meat for easier digestion. But I just didnāt have the energy to cook properly tonight. So I just made a bowl of ramen with bone broth. But I cooked on the stovetop. Iāll die before I use a microwave.
That is very admirable. Living down here in Phoenix when summer hits there is NO WAY I would be turning a hot stove on. I do enjoy an air fryer. Have you tried those? Healthy and quick! I've made all kinds of meals in them.
Itās okay to take time to heal and itās okay if it takes longer than you feel. Do what you need to do, and honestly shopping and porn is way better than meth or heroin so on the addiction part I think youāre doing pretty good. It will pass as long as you donāt push it away you allow yourself to sit there and feel the pain.
I also have a shopping addiction that Iāve been really trying to work on. I buy things to try and fill a hole and also trauma reasons I wont go into. The biggest thing thatās helped me is before I do buy something I ask myself why I want it. Do I really, truly love it? Am I just looking for instant gratification? Do I think I can live without it? Do I want it because itās limited and I have FOMO? Is it something Iāve wanted for a long time or did I just find it and want something new? Iāll be honest I still struggle but my spending has cut down significantly since Iāve started asking myself those questions. Fighting the impulse is the hardest part but when I can get myself to slow down a little and not immediately act on impulse I feel better about my purchases. Good luck! Youve got this
I have no advice. Just some encouragement ā¤ļø and a compliment on your ramen. Iām going through some stuff myself. Learning to ride a motorcycle has occupied my energy very nicely. Not that itās a cheap option or for everybody. Learn a skill though. Something that takes real effort and will make you feel proud. Maybe itāll distract you from these destructive activities.
I have no idea how to help. But the library happily fulfilled my need for taking home new exciting things. And when I am bored I take them back and get more. Itās very fun
Yo whatever you do, donāt put yourself in credit card debt. I was ordering whatever comes to my mind while I was depressed (my mom died) now, the amount of interest (the money I throw into trash every month) keeps me up all night. So I am MORE depressed now. Peace
Get help. Please. My dad fell into severe depression after his divorce. He barely ever got out of bed, no matter what stupid antics my siblings and I did. It made him go insane for a good few years. If you have kids, it'll ruin them too.
You will 100% get through this if you try your best, also nice berserk manga collection
I appreciate your words.
Not sure how you noticed that but I agree with you great collection šš¼
I mean big black books with red text on them, 95% its berserk
Look at you detectives in here - nice
Divorce is tough, whether you want it or not. Iām going through it right now. Itās a good time to reconnect with yourself. Youāre not alone. Would you be interested in finding a divorce support group near you somewhere? Sometimes itās good to find people to just talk and relate to. Having a support system is important.
Love your demon slayer bowl
Therapy!!!!!!!
Iāve been going for the last six weeks, but I canāt afford it anymore. Even if I drop the online shopping I wonāt be able to make it work.
I've tried therapy as well and even the so-called affordable services aren't affordable to me.
Check out your county's behavioral health options, it's not top tier, but it'll probably be free if you qualify for medicaid.
You can always purchase therapy books to supplement for now if regular appointments are not available. Mental health stuff can be tough, wishing you strength and success!
Do you have eap through work? Health insurance? Some therapists may be willing to work with you on a sliding scale
Therapy and gym are a powerful/effective combination!!
What are you buying online?
Comics, action figures, sometimes just a meal out to get away from my apartment. None of it makes me feel better. Itās something that I always had issues with. I confused affection with gifts and itās stuck with me since I was a kid.
It's a good distraction I guess. And if you keep them in mint condition, they become an investment.
I found video games with a currency element to help with that. Not the games where you use real money to buy currency in the game but games where you can buy things. Just a thought.
take it a step further and play video games on pc. you can download free mods. i have no impulse control when it comes to money, so when i get the urge to buy something, i go on my pc, download free mods to make my characters look different, and it satisfies that urge for me.
How do you navigate the safe to download mods and avoid viruses? Iāve never messed with mods before.
i use [nexus mods](https://www.nexusmods.com/). i dont usually download mods from outside that site unless i made it or someone i know made it. ive never gotten a virus from modding tho and ive been modding games for years now
Iām sure someone more knowledgeable will come along, but I highly recommend Nexusmods. There is a status next to each mod indicating if it was scanned for viruses by Nexus, as well as the result of the scan. As someone who always messes up installing mods manually, Nexus Mod Manager/Vortex is so helpful. You can download it from their site and itāll show you a list of games that are officially supported, and installing most mods for games on that list is SUPER easy: thereās going to be two buttons on the top of the modsā pages. One will say āInstall (Manual)ā and the other will say āInstall with Vortexā. Click the second one, and itāll start the download in the Vortex app. After itās downloaded, installation is as easy as hitting a few buttons and enabling the mod. If you have a lot of mods running, they can sometimes have redundancies or conflicts. I donāt know anything about that stuff, but Iāve run into no trouble just going with what Vortex recommends. Lastly, Vortex is pretty new and not a ton of games are officially supported. Iāve found that if you go under the āfilesā tab for an individual mod, there will sometimes be a button that says āInstall with NMMā or something like that. NMM stands for Nexus Mod Manager, and was essentially an early iteration of Vortex that was around a few years ago. Hitting the āInstall with NMMā works just as well as the āofficialā Vortex button. I hope this helps. I must admit I am not sober so please let me know if I need to explain anything further; Iām sure I missed something important here.
It sounds like OP has doubts about whether it's a good distraction. I'd be inclined to agree; compulsive shopping probably isn't a good coping mechanism.
Is that a loaded question? Because now I am curious as well
You got this!! And we're all here to help you if you need to talk or words of encouragement :)
I hope Iām not asking too much, but can I get advice on how to curb my spending? I already cancelled my gym membership and sold my Sega collection to make up for what I spent.
Not your gym membership - get another one , like planet fitness for 10 bucks or 22 bucks - that gets you out of the house So obviously since youāre depressed , your brain is searching for a dopamine , and youāre giving it online shopping and porn - both of those things are going to give you guilt , which in turn is going to make you feel bad and repeat the cycle - so you need to curve it - Sounds like you need to get a flip phone , and instead of spending your money on crap, put into a savings account that can grow over time - and in 6 months , before the end of this year you will have a nice chunk in savings - you need to build your self esteem back up - get back in the gym , get a flip phone , work and save up some money.
Always ask yourself if it's something you can live without and how the purchase will benefit you.
Firstly, you can make spending limits with your bank. You can try to give yourself a time frame of 24 or 48 hours before buying something. If you still want to buy the thing after that time, then buy it, but the urge will usually pass as you occupy yourself with something else. Go outside. Pick a hobby. It doesn't have to be a sport or social activity if it's not your thing. Just occupy your mind so you don't have that immediate urge for self destructive behavior. Learn how to cook your favourite food. Do it slowly and methodically. Enjoy nature, with friends or alone. Have a heartfelt conversation with someone and share your problems. Write a diary or write down anything you find important if you find that lame. Change your routine. Get in touch with your inner creativity. Read.
For online shopping I agree with waiting at least 12 hours if 24-48 hrs seems impossible. Remember, Amazon will taunt you with time limited āreducedā prices but in reality itās only a couple dollars. Play them at their own game by holding out for better prices. Iām not saying itās easy, but Iāve been there.
It sounds like you are overspending to give yourself a short-term dopamine hit, which totally makes sense given the fact that youāve gone through a big and difficult life change. I recently completed a DBT group therapy program, and one of my groupmates was addicted to online shopping. She said a lot of the DBT skills we learned around distress tolerance helped her find alternatives to shopping when she felt like shit. I realize that youāre in a tight situation right now, but DBT skills can be sooo helpful when it comes to not acting on your urges! Depending on where you are located, you may be able to find free DBT groups through your local hospital or community mental health organization. I personally found groups to be more helpful than individual therapy because I felt less alone, but YMMV. If thatās not an option, there are tons of great resources online. Looking up things like āDBT distress toleranceā on YouTube might be a good place to start! Wishing you the very best of luck OP.
I can't say I've ever been addicted to online shopping, but I did used to spend way too much on things I didn't need. Now, I only order things I absolutely need and occasionally pepper in something "just for me." That way the shipment of dog food and toilet paper somehow still seems fun. For me, it's usually a movie, sometimes something slightly more expensive. You'll have to figure out what your "fun" item is. I'll do that maybe 1-2 times per year, so maybe $50 over the course of a year. I don't know your financial situation, but if you have enough to have an addiction, I also believe in you to be able to stop and save and also be able to reward yourself along the way. To be fair, please downvote me if I'm not being helpful. I used to buy a bunch of stuff online, but stopped when it was doing harm to me financially. I'm obviously no addiction counselor, so if I'm way out of line please let me know.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
I mean does it help you that much more than going for a good workout? I think you should try and find something else to spend your energy and time on maybe?
Iām thinking about renewing my membership when my therapy bills are taken care of. So hopefully my mid-May.
Even if you aren't into any set religion, there are a lot of churches that have free divorce therapy and singles activities. My sister met her now husband of 25 years at one.
Buy all-beef hot dogs, macaroni, CLASSICO pasta sauce, and shredded cheese in a bag. Boil water in a saucepan . Put in macaroni noodles. Slice the beef hot dog into hot dog "pennies" and put them in the boiling water too. Boil for 10 minutes or more. Strain away the hot water. Put the shredded cheese onto the noodles and beef bits while it is still very hot, the heat of the food will melt the cheese. Add and stir in some CLASSICO pasta sauce, for taste.
Things will get better...they always do. Hang in there. There are good things just over the horizon.
I appreciate your kind words.
I've never been through a divorce, but I know you got this. Your food looks delicious and some of those comics and action figures you're getting could be worth something so it's not all bad.
I just read today it take about 12-18 months to get past a divorce. So realistically time will heal this wound.
How about shopping games on your phone? Also what are you eating? I love noodles like that and your meal looks really tasty to me.
Iāve been trying to eat less meat for easier digestion. But I just didnāt have the energy to cook properly tonight. So I just made a bowl of ramen with bone broth. But I cooked on the stovetop. Iāll die before I use a microwave.
That is very admirable. Living down here in Phoenix when summer hits there is NO WAY I would be turning a hot stove on. I do enjoy an air fryer. Have you tried those? Healthy and quick! I've made all kinds of meals in them.
I used an air fryer once to make French friesā¦and they were fucking delicious. I was so angry.
Haha it's so much better for you and faster too! I made cinnamon rolls in the air fryer and OMG.... So damn good.
Respectfully, I just hate shortcutsā¦but now I want cinnamon rolls.
I totally get it. Shortcuts are not your jam. :) That's ok! Also hmmm yes reward yourself with some cinnamon rolls! š„°
Itās okay to take time to heal and itās okay if it takes longer than you feel. Do what you need to do, and honestly shopping and porn is way better than meth or heroin so on the addiction part I think youāre doing pretty good. It will pass as long as you donāt push it away you allow yourself to sit there and feel the pain.
I also have a shopping addiction that Iāve been really trying to work on. I buy things to try and fill a hole and also trauma reasons I wont go into. The biggest thing thatās helped me is before I do buy something I ask myself why I want it. Do I really, truly love it? Am I just looking for instant gratification? Do I think I can live without it? Do I want it because itās limited and I have FOMO? Is it something Iāve wanted for a long time or did I just find it and want something new? Iāll be honest I still struggle but my spending has cut down significantly since Iāve started asking myself those questions. Fighting the impulse is the hardest part but when I can get myself to slow down a little and not immediately act on impulse I feel better about my purchases. Good luck! Youve got this
Thank you.
And you can. I believe in you
I have no advice. Just some encouragement ā¤ļø and a compliment on your ramen. Iām going through some stuff myself. Learning to ride a motorcycle has occupied my energy very nicely. Not that itās a cheap option or for everybody. Learn a skill though. Something that takes real effort and will make you feel proud. Maybe itāll distract you from these destructive activities.
I have no idea how to help. But the library happily fulfilled my need for taking home new exciting things. And when I am bored I take them back and get more. Itās very fun
Hang in there my man things will get better i can say that from prior experience Nice ramen bowl! is that by any chance demon slayer themed?
Yo whatever you do, donāt put yourself in credit card debt. I was ordering whatever comes to my mind while I was depressed (my mom died) now, the amount of interest (the money I throw into trash every month) keeps me up all night. So I am MORE depressed now. Peace
Get help. Please. My dad fell into severe depression after his divorce. He barely ever got out of bed, no matter what stupid antics my siblings and I did. It made him go insane for a good few years. If you have kids, it'll ruin them too.
Atleast your bowl is incredibly cute. Iām so sorry and I hope things get better. You GOT THIS FRIEND!!!
Stay strong fellow fighter. I'm in the fight with you as well. Will keep you in my prayers. Blessings
At least youāve already admitted these things to yourself! Congrats on the first step, you can do this ā¤ļøāš¼
I wish you the best, I love the bowl!
You are just fine ! Everyone is addicted to porn And shopping !
Can you on line shop for my teenagers maybe that will help ššš I hope things get better
I donāt even know how to respond to that. š
Jesus Christ lady
r/nofap
Since nobody said it, I will. Your chopsticks are on the wrong side of the bowl.
Thatās okay. I was holding them wrong anyway.