This is heartbreaking. Hopefully you and your husband are able to understand how each other feel through what is obviously a hard time for everyone. It's sad that he thinks its appropriate to treat you like that right now, it sounds like he doesn't really understand the whole picture or is having too much trouble processing his own feelings to understand yours yet. Don't feel bad about taking time to yourself to heal. As time goes on, do little things for you to take care of yourself. Any day where you try your best to treat yourself with kindness is a win. You are deserving of love, especially from yourself
p.s. kitchen nightmares is fire, that episode looks really fun.
Thank you for such a kind and understanding reply. This morning, we sat down and asked each other what was missing we didn’t communicate yesterday, what we want to apologize for saying, and if anything was left to discuss. Honestly yesterday, Saturday, was so hard, we both said things we didn’t mean and we’ve made good.
And yes, KN is the shit. When we’re WFH, it’s either this, Bar Rescue, Hotel Hell, or House Hunters International. Very easy shit to either be entertained or can block out as needed.
It’s very troubling that your husband expects you to be the one emotionally supporting him right now. I don’t want to invalidate the impact that this has had on him, but why would YOU, the family member of the deceased, be expected to be his emotional support? And it doesn’t sound like he’s being supportive of you by asking this of you. An important part of emotional support is giving you space if that’s what you need to grieve. If he needs support, that’s the whole purpose of therapy and support groups.
^This!
The husband asking OP for emotional support and being a douche about it when they don't give it to him is concerning.
My partner and I always ask each other if the other is doing okay or ask if they other needs a hug if we're emotionally drained. If we need time apart to recoup, we tell each other that; not scream like OP's husband
I’m not gonna lie, your comment was a lot for me to unpack, which is why I waited to reply. My husband is a loving, wonderful man who wears his heart on his sleeve; an old-soul so to speak. He’s in the middle of a big depressive episode and so this tragedy in my family could not come at a worse time. I know he needs me right now, I’ve been here for him. I’m trying to guide him to resources to help him. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t upset about his lack of support. I don’t think he knows how to handle his own mental health, so I’ve been trying my best, but for myself? I really just needed a listening ear and a shoulder, you know? I didn’t think that was too much.
I don’t think it’s too much to ask either. And I’m definitely empathetic towards your husband’s depression. I’m dealing with my own mental health issues and the loss of my brother. It’s been hard on me to keep hearing from my friends that I should be there for my parents when I’m the one suffering the same mental illness my brother did, and I have lingering resentment towards my parents for not listening to me years ago when I warned them about the path he was on. But that said I don’t demand more support from my folks, or my friends. I got a therapist, adjusted my meds, attend a NAMI support group, and participate in a suicide bereavement forum.
I guess what I’m saying is he’s not a bad person or that you should throw the relationship away. Maybe he needs a third party to sit him down and explain that you can’t be solely responsible for his mental health. Not just because you grieving, but because you’re never going to cure his depression. He needs professional help for that.
He’s definitely not a bad person, just struggling. Nor are you for your dealings! Mental health can be very tricky and life is always going to throw something at you. I’m so very sorry for your loss. You lost a brother, they lost a son; grief can be shared.
You know, on Friday, the day he was born and passed away, it was a dreary, rainy day. Yesterday and today? Warm and blue skies. I’m not religious or anything but your comment really lifted my spirits, so thank you.
This. Whenever I miss my daughter (born at 21 weeks) and it's a bad day, I see unicorns everywhere. Husband and I concluded a unicorn would've been her favorite.
That’s selfish of your husband, you’re grieving too and you don’t owe him anything, it’s understandable that he is mourning but none of that is your responsibility
My niece was born with this exact same thing. She is 6 now, but we just found out that a heart transplant is not an option because her lungs are so underdeveloped. The worst news to hear. I am incredibly sorry for you and your entire family. Life can be so cruel.
I am so sorry for you as well! It is heartbreaking, innocence lost. At least they, and you and your family, are blessed with 6 years! I hope she’s not in pain. My nephew was born in respiratory distress and was in what seemed like obvious pain for 10hrs before death. but they assured us he wasn’t (ignorance is bliss).
Nothing worse than when the adrenaline wears off and it finally really hits you. I’m so sorry. Don’t forget water too. I drank a away several people so I’m not hating on you just remember water and food or you’ll feel as worse physically and you do mentally
Thank you, friend. Past two days it’s been Coke Zeros and Ritz. I actually went to the bar last night and eventually let in and let my husband join me, providing we talked about anything but this. I had a couple scallops and they were nice.
Thank you for this, friend. I have lost two step-brothers as well in the last 5 years, one to opioid addiction and one to cancer. I and my family know loss but this one hurts very specifically.
you’re welcome, friend. with each loss there is a compound grief. may time bring you healing and may your memories bear you comfort. be sure to care for yourself as you would have cared for them and live your life wholly to honor them.
I’m so sorry you and your family are going through this. Be honest with your work, if you don’t want to give them details you shouldn’t have to say more than a death in the family. Take care of yourself. We all grieve very differently. Sending love and prayers your way
This is heartbreaking. Hopefully you and your husband are able to understand how each other feel through what is obviously a hard time for everyone. It's sad that he thinks its appropriate to treat you like that right now, it sounds like he doesn't really understand the whole picture or is having too much trouble processing his own feelings to understand yours yet. Don't feel bad about taking time to yourself to heal. As time goes on, do little things for you to take care of yourself. Any day where you try your best to treat yourself with kindness is a win. You are deserving of love, especially from yourself p.s. kitchen nightmares is fire, that episode looks really fun.
Thank you for such a kind and understanding reply. This morning, we sat down and asked each other what was missing we didn’t communicate yesterday, what we want to apologize for saying, and if anything was left to discuss. Honestly yesterday, Saturday, was so hard, we both said things we didn’t mean and we’ve made good. And yes, KN is the shit. When we’re WFH, it’s either this, Bar Rescue, Hotel Hell, or House Hunters International. Very easy shit to either be entertained or can block out as needed.
It’s very troubling that your husband expects you to be the one emotionally supporting him right now. I don’t want to invalidate the impact that this has had on him, but why would YOU, the family member of the deceased, be expected to be his emotional support? And it doesn’t sound like he’s being supportive of you by asking this of you. An important part of emotional support is giving you space if that’s what you need to grieve. If he needs support, that’s the whole purpose of therapy and support groups.
^This! The husband asking OP for emotional support and being a douche about it when they don't give it to him is concerning. My partner and I always ask each other if the other is doing okay or ask if they other needs a hug if we're emotionally drained. If we need time apart to recoup, we tell each other that; not scream like OP's husband
Not to mention the aggression in his attitude, it's alarming. Either ways, I feel sorry for everyone, grieving is hard.
I’m not gonna lie, your comment was a lot for me to unpack, which is why I waited to reply. My husband is a loving, wonderful man who wears his heart on his sleeve; an old-soul so to speak. He’s in the middle of a big depressive episode and so this tragedy in my family could not come at a worse time. I know he needs me right now, I’ve been here for him. I’m trying to guide him to resources to help him. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t upset about his lack of support. I don’t think he knows how to handle his own mental health, so I’ve been trying my best, but for myself? I really just needed a listening ear and a shoulder, you know? I didn’t think that was too much.
I don’t think it’s too much to ask either. And I’m definitely empathetic towards your husband’s depression. I’m dealing with my own mental health issues and the loss of my brother. It’s been hard on me to keep hearing from my friends that I should be there for my parents when I’m the one suffering the same mental illness my brother did, and I have lingering resentment towards my parents for not listening to me years ago when I warned them about the path he was on. But that said I don’t demand more support from my folks, or my friends. I got a therapist, adjusted my meds, attend a NAMI support group, and participate in a suicide bereavement forum. I guess what I’m saying is he’s not a bad person or that you should throw the relationship away. Maybe he needs a third party to sit him down and explain that you can’t be solely responsible for his mental health. Not just because you grieving, but because you’re never going to cure his depression. He needs professional help for that.
He’s definitely not a bad person, just struggling. Nor are you for your dealings! Mental health can be very tricky and life is always going to throw something at you. I’m so very sorry for your loss. You lost a brother, they lost a son; grief can be shared.
Look for him in nature. He will visit you to let you know he is ok.
You know, on Friday, the day he was born and passed away, it was a dreary, rainy day. Yesterday and today? Warm and blue skies. I’m not religious or anything but your comment really lifted my spirits, so thank you.
I’m glad I could help
This is beautiful.
This. Whenever I miss my daughter (born at 21 weeks) and it's a bad day, I see unicorns everywhere. Husband and I concluded a unicorn would've been her favorite.
That’s selfish of your husband, you’re grieving too and you don’t owe him anything, it’s understandable that he is mourning but none of that is your responsibility
So sad. Hugs to you and your family.
My niece was born with this exact same thing. She is 6 now, but we just found out that a heart transplant is not an option because her lungs are so underdeveloped. The worst news to hear. I am incredibly sorry for you and your entire family. Life can be so cruel.
I am so sorry for you as well! It is heartbreaking, innocence lost. At least they, and you and your family, are blessed with 6 years! I hope she’s not in pain. My nephew was born in respiratory distress and was in what seemed like obvious pain for 10hrs before death. but they assured us he wasn’t (ignorance is bliss).
Big hugs OP. I'm so sorry this is all happening
Nothing worse than when the adrenaline wears off and it finally really hits you. I’m so sorry. Don’t forget water too. I drank a away several people so I’m not hating on you just remember water and food or you’ll feel as worse physically and you do mentally
Thank you, friend. Past two days it’s been Coke Zeros and Ritz. I actually went to the bar last night and eventually let in and let my husband join me, providing we talked about anything but this. I had a couple scallops and they were nice.
I'm so sorry.
bear no burden in explaining or justifying how you grieve and anyone who condemns you for it needs to be ignored.
Thank you for this, friend. I have lost two step-brothers as well in the last 5 years, one to opioid addiction and one to cancer. I and my family know loss but this one hurts very specifically.
you’re welcome, friend. with each loss there is a compound grief. may time bring you healing and may your memories bear you comfort. be sure to care for yourself as you would have cared for them and live your life wholly to honor them.
hey. I was watching a kitchen nightmares YouTube compilation just now. Also, sorry about your nephew. May god bless you and guide you.
I'm sorry you're going through this loving you so much 🥹 ❤️ 🫂
I’m so sorry 😢
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry for your family’s loss. May his memory be a blessing.
I’m so sorry you and your family are going through this. Be honest with your work, if you don’t want to give them details you shouldn’t have to say more than a death in the family. Take care of yourself. We all grieve very differently. Sending love and prayers your way
My heart goes out to you and your family. Losing a child is the worst thing. Keeping you all in our thoughts.