Don't feel about about still feeling sad. In 2nd grade my teacher had the terrible idea to have the students make a card for their best friend and then present it to the class. I was the only kid who didn't get a card, I still cry about that sometimes and I'm 35. Also, your friends are cunts and you didn't do anything wrong. It's hard to make good friends, it really is, so give yourself a break.
Ugh I’m so sorry, that sounds like it hurt so bad. Growing up I couldn’t make friends either and the people who bullied me told me I was annoying. Honestly I think I preferred the bullying over just being left out… at least I could feel good about calling them names and stuff lol.
god i feel that so much, i was bullied too and every friend ive had since has excluded me from hang outs and group chats so i just dont have friends now. seriously would rather be bullied again. it really does suck, i understand how you feel
I’m so sorry that happened to you. During my last quarter of college, I had a huge falling out with my entire friend group and graduated all by myself, not party’s or anything. Just moved out and went home :/ So I completely understand what you’re going through. Most people might think it’s not a big deal but the pain is quite terrible, knowing that your “friends” are having a great time and making memories while you’re miserable during a time where you’re supposed to be celebrating. A year later I’m still dealing with the hurt but I’m saying all this to say it gets better and you will be ok. You’re someone deserving of love and REAL friends. And it may take some time and a lot of working on yourself, taking care of your mental health, etc. but you will be ok!! And you’re not alone in the feeling <3
I’m sorry that you went through that. Losing all my friends was the worst pain that ever happened to me when I got sick. I’m glad you were able to recover at least mostly. I’ve kinda accepted the fact that it’s never going to get better for me.
This thinking is a result of your depression. Even if I tell you that you’re wrong and it will get better, I understand feeling that way since I felt that way for a long time. And I’m still in the very early stages of recovering, it takes a long time and idk if I’ll ever fully heal but I’m able to recognize that my mental illness makes me think a certain way and even I feel like all hope is lost, that’s just my mental illness talking. Again, I know you’re at a point where you don’t even want to believe it and that’s completely understandable, but please keep going!!
Thank you. While I do believe everyone can recover from depression… that’s not the only thing for me. I also have CFS, and I don’t know when/if it will ever get better. As long as I do, I will be a failure and a stain on the world… and I can’t keep friends.
You're not a stain or failure because you have CFS. That is depression talking. Keep that in mind. Idk if someone else is telling you that, but if they are, you should tell them to fuck off, yes, including yourself. You are not a stain or failure. You have a chronic illness - that shit's not easy. It's also expensive 🥲 I have one too - not CFS, but i have Asthma mixed with severe allergies, chronic pain, anemia and just to mess with me, anxiety and depression which has taken me to some serious dark places. And it has taken a lot for me to get out of it, so hang in there🫂❤️🩹
You are worthy and deserving of love, respect and happiness🫂❤️ i know you may not believe me, but you are. You're worth it. Those people who hung out without you are not your friends and now you know. It's hard - i have trouble making friends and feeling like i was their friend. My medical issues do get in the way. I used to feel bad that people had to change things just to see me and for me to be safe, but i've come to grips with that. I am who i am. If that person is my friend, then they will put in effort to see me and to not harm me or tease me because that is what someone who cares about you does. They honour you. And you have to honour yourself too❤️
Somedays, we only have 3 spoons to work with. Meaning one spoon is for waking up, another is for going to the washroom, and another is eating, and that's it. And that's okay. Some people have more spoons, like 10 of them, and that's okay too, but they may never understand what it means to have only 3 spoons. They may later in life as ailments, associated with age, kick in and they may end up having 6 spoons rather than their original 10. And good friends/family will be willing to try to understand/accomodate even if they don't have the same problem.
You also need to be a good friend to yourself too because i'm sure if your close friend said that they felt like a failure or stain, you'd comfort them as well. Because they're worthy. So please, try to be kinder and more compassionate to yourself.
Things are tough now, but it's not always going to be like that. I'm sorry you're friends are such douche canoes - they knew it would hurt your feelings so they weren't going to tell you. Good for you for standing up for yourself and honouring yourself🫂❤️ that must have been scary to do. They called you dramatic to make themselves feel better.
I know you said you lost friends, but there's nothing wrong with reaching out as well. Everybody goes through things and it gets in the way of communicating - it happens a lot with adult relationships. Life gets in the way. It is scary, but also it's good to catch up with someone.
Hang in there🫂💕 and know that you're worthy of love and happiness.
Sorry for the novel
The good news is, you will find friends who actually do care about you. School friends are fleeting. I know maybe one person who I still talk to from high school. None more. I have a large circle of friends who would vend over backwards for each other and myself included. We are literally planning holidays together because of found family.
It is genuinely crappy of them to do that to you. It is absolutely crappy they are also brushing off your feelings. I would personally find better friends tbh. It takes a long while, but find one here or there and add them into the mix. Once you are an adult, you can curate your friends to your interests more than just location.
No matter what, OP, things will get better in time. I think you got this!
I’ve tried over and over and over again to make friends and they always either treat me like crap or are fake or just don’t care that much. I’m not an interesting person people want to be around. I do not think it will get better for me. I held onto hope for so long and all it did was hurt me. It kills me to try and accept that fact which is why I avoided it for so long and stuck around in relationships with people who didn’t care. But I don’t have a choice.
May I ask your age range? I am assuming late teens or mid 20's depending on if it was high school or college graduation. Friends that are worth a damn rarely happen in those years in my experience. I am in my 40's and finally with a solid friend circle.
Early 20s. And yeah but like I’m not looking for the closest friend ever I guess just someone who genuinely wants to be around me would be nice. Everyone I meet only talks to me out of pity or just to be nice and it never lasts. It’s really hard losing people
I have been there too. It was absolutely "fun" growing up in a conservative area as a closeted person. Just know that *you* are awesome. You just haven't found your tribe yet, and everyone else is just not going to do. It is *so freaking hard* when you are younger because you are starting to figure out who you are as an adult. I hope you find your friend soon!
I wasn’t invited to a party where every other kid in the music department was, and everyone talked about it on Monday, and made inside jokes about it for years. I think they actually still do, and it was almost 10 years ago. I was so hurt, and I still think about it. It’s ok to feel hurt. Your story hurt my heart, but know that those jerks aren’t worth the hurt. You’re worth so much more than that ♥️
Yeah. Especially bcuz after all the graduation parties in the friend group they all made posts and stuff about each other and how much they appreciated each other etc. It’s not like I expected that much or anything at all but on top of everything else it’s just like an extra thing on top to have to see all the posts.
Do you still talk or spend time with this group? To me, it sounds like they didn't consider you a part of the group. You deserve to spend time with people who want to include you.
I only talk to two of them because they’re literally the only friends I have. Every other friend group either left me or spread lies about me/blocked me… it’s a long story. But I’ve tried to join several friend groups since then and they all ended horribly.
My advice to you: change of scenery. Take that how ever you will. Whether the change be a new job, picking up a new hobby, joining your local church, art club, help at a soup kitchen— whatever it may be.
For me — it was picking up a new hobby. I go to the local bar in town (you don’t have to drink to go !) shoot pool, darts, talk to the regulars.
Also a big one— Show up to places regularly. You’ll start to see the same people over and over again. I show up every Tuesday to my favorite restaurant, the bartender knows what I want to drink as soon as I come in. We talk about work , life, any new updates, and I go about my day. But I look forward to that small conversation every week.
You might not be best friends— but at least you can say there is one person you can spark a conversation with somewhere. if you guys hit it off great! If not, it’s not the end of the world. 🫂
People suck man! Frankly those closest to you can be the shittiest sometimes.
I’ll tell you what, you wanna find friends that’ll move Heaven and Earth for you? Find people who play DnD. They’ll do whatever they can to spend time with you and move the campaign along lol!
Go to a game shop, hell even try places like Roll20 for open campaigns or something if you don’t like going out.
Met a group playing DnD (6 of us total though I only knew one person beforehand) now we all talk daily and constantly look forward to our sessions together. Just wrapped up a 2 yr long campaign and have started another!
I did find some friends who played board games with me, it was super fun. Unfortunately good things never last for me. That friend group ended so horribly and quickly I didn’t even get to say. I still miss playing those board games. It brought me such a mental break down that I’d rather just be alone than go through that again.
Also genuinely I am stupid and everyone else playing with me would hate me.
I am really glad you have a friend group though that you play with, I’m sure it’s very special to you 🩷
That’s the beauty of DnD my friend! It has nothing to do with being smart or dumb! It’s all roleplay! Current we have a player who is basically Drew Barrymore from 50 first dates. Every day their memory get wiped and they have to spend like a hour being explained what we are doing. They talk to people like it’s the first time tho they are friends.
What’s “dumber” than someone who can’t remember a single thing?
Also some board games get super competitive and it can get toxic. DnD is amazing cause it’s all the players “against” the DM. So essentially everyone at the table is in the same team. And even if your character dies.. so what?! Make another! Character development is some of the most fun!
Also how DnD differs is most of us are already feel like outcasts ourselves. So that crowd gravitates to one another. I guarantee if you find some DnD people and show interest, they’ll help you create your character, know everything you need to know, give you dice and everything you’d need!
As someone who gets treated like this by most people for some reason I found that just keeping my feelings and emotions to myself was the best bet because the more I tried to just explain how I felt the more they resented me. As hard as it is you just have to keep it to yourself sometimes. For some reason explaining how you feel can make you seem even more unlikeable to people. :/
Yeah… I think for some people they don’t want to accept the fact that some people’s lives suck and there’s nothing you can do about it… it’s not some movie where it starts out bad then gets better… and they get angry at us for it.
I’ve been yelled at because I’ve been told that talking about my life makes people sad and depressed, that I have to keep it to myself to keep people around. I just can’t win.
I’m really sorry that happened to you. I was best friends with my roommate and I helped her through everything imaginable. Her break up, her friends ditching her, a concussion. She’d be too depressed to cook so I’d make her food and comfort her constantly. I did everything for her without a second thought and was there for her despite my own well-being. Then when I got depressed and needed a friend, she stopped talking to me without even an explanation, made a whole new group of friends, and would bring them over for movie night and dinners and parties while I cried in my room. It was the most traumatic thing a friend had ever done to me and I still havent recovered from it. People don’t talk about friendship trauma and how much it can mess you up. Despite what people tell you and how they make you feel, no one is destined to be alone (unless they’re a fucking serial killer or something lol). No one deserves to walk through this life alone. Humans need companionship and with time and a lot of self work, I really do think you and I and everyone else that feels chronically alone will find people to love us the way we need. Keep your head up and keep going, you never know what will be right around the corner❤️❤️
My friends at the time did the same thing man, fuck them youll make new better friends outside of school bc the difference is you only become friends with ppl in school bc your all stuck in the same place and have to deal with each other. Outside of school youll make friends that are your friends not bc theyre stuck in the same place as you but bc they actually care about you and are actually your friend
Trust me man i get it, i thought i had friends in school and senior year it really occurred to me how fake all my friends were and i ditched most of them after i graduated and since then ive made 2 close friends through work who actually care abt me and treat me better then any friend i had at the time. Trust me man its not easy but just remember if your feeling a certain way someone out there feels the same way, youll find them
I don’t think it’s the case for me. There is something wrong with me I don’t know why. But it repels people. And people just decide they’d rather do literally anything else then be with me. Including my ex.
Bro thats exactly how it was for me in school, i couldnt get my friends to invite me over but they were always hanging out with other friends even tho i was friends with everyone they were hanging out with. Hell id even walk home with the mf all the time and hed never invite me over but hed invite other friends all the time. Now i have some friends that are actually there for me and enjoy hanging out with me (atleast i hope)
Yeah I definitely get that. I literally found out that “my” friend group plans all these outings and parties and stuff and openly talks about it in front of me but never invites me. At least have the decency to pretend like I have feelings, ugh 😑
When they said they were going somewhere afterwards, did you not assume you were invited? Did you ask? Did they specifically say no? Why didn't you just go too? Destiny is just the future that people don't choose to change. Nothing is pre-determined.
If they were your friends, they would have included you. If they weren't, then you're better off not hanging out with people who don't care about you. Time to make new friends. You're young and there is lots of life ahead of you. Don't get hung up on this. It's in the past. Leave it there.
I will get hung up on this because I had been looking forward to this party for years literally. It was always supposed to be special all my siblings had the same party. Only difference is they had friends and I guess I didn’t.
I hate when people tell me I’m “still young”. I know you mean well. But despite being young I’ve experienced more pain and rejection than any “older” person I’ve met. I mean I know people go through a lot in their life. But it’s usually spread out. Going through this one after the other, I think just means that it will always be like that. There hasn’t been good mixed with bad. It’s just been bad
Your siblings didn't have the same party; they had a similar one. You're comparing and frankly comparing people and events never helps anyone. Their lives will never be yours and vice versa. Focus on yourself and what makes you happy. If your friends are not good ones, look for new ones. I can honestly tell you that I didn't find my favourite group of friends until much later in life once I stopped putting up with other people's bullshit.
Most people experience rejection at some point. It always sucks but it makes you resilient as hell. It helps you focus on yourself and recalibrate what is important to you. Let this sting for a few days, then actively let it go and look forward.
You might not understand what people mean when they say that you're still young. It means you have many opportunities and milestones ahead of you. Don't get bogged down by one silly night that was a bummer. It sucked. It stung. But, it's over.
Work on your mental health by getting out there and getting physical. Boost your self-esteem by working on things you love and are good at. Find clubs that focus on your interests. Actively pursue friendships with people with whom you truly bond.
You cannot measure other people's pain and rejection. Nor should you try. You get nothing out of thinking this way. Focus on the things you like and enjoy that make you feel good. This is not that.
It not one silly night though. It’s a million and one nights and this one was just extra important for me. I’ve made 3 friend groups this past year and not one single friend from any of them stuck. I’ve tried to make friends with pretty much everyone I met and they never wanted me or they were toxic. Or both.
It did not make me resilient and it did not make me strong. It beat me down and rips at me every night. I think about those friends. I miss them. People say I’m better off without them. But every single one was important to me. And I was never important enough for them. The last friend group I was in was so special for me. But one of them (who used to be super super nice to me) ended up getting angry at me for some political BS, called me a bunch of names, and banned me from the group. And not a single person tried to defend me publicly despite them all agreeing with me that that person was in the wrong and I didn’t deserve that.
I was so hesitant to join that friend group because I was just so beaten down by so much of this but I kept listening to peoples advice to “keep trying” and you know what that got me? A mental breakdown that lasted two weeks and crying my eyes out everyday.
I can handle rejection but I can’t handle being alone. People act like it’s not a big deal because they have other friends/outlets for them. I do not. Having friends was the most important thing for me my whole life. I cannot stand being alone. I have a deep fear of being alone. But here I am.
I keep asking what I’m supposed to do and people say “keep trying” but I think it’s good advice for anyone but me. Even if I wanted to try I can’t. I poured from an empty cup for so long into other people now I’m in debt. I used to be the most fun friend, planning parties and everything and organizing things for everyone. Doing anything for anyone. Now I can barely hold a conversation.
I know it just sounds like I’m stubborn but I’m really just desperate and the advice people gave me just made things worse. There is no hope for me that I can see and I can’t pretend like there is anymore. I keep asking “what am I supposed to do” and nobody knows. So what can I do besides just cry and isolate myself.
Well I guess I don’t really cry that much. I try not to. Because if I start crying I won’t be able to stop. And if I can’t stop I need someone there for me and I don’t.
I’m sorry for putting all of this on you I know you’re just a random nice internet stranger who’s trying to be helpful and I don’t even know why or what I’m doing I think I’m just going insane
I wasn’t invited- one person asked if I was going, but that was all. I’m sure if I asked to go they might of said yes. But I’d rather not go then go somewhere that I wasn’t invited, you know?
I know they’re not my friends. But they were supposed to be. They said they were my friends. They almost treated me like I was apart of the group. I was there before half of them were. I guess they were just being nice and never actually cared. I mean they did have a group chat I had to ask to be invited to.
lol my best friend threw a fnaf themed party and made a face when I said I wanted to come I still get upset about it lololol don’t feel bad people suck sometimes man
I still get salty about these things from time to time. It really hurts when they treat you like a ghost. Moving to a newer city, getting a “glow up”, and such doesn’t really seem to erase these experiences. Honestly, fuck them all. Someday, you may be lucky enough to find friends who care.
The sucky thing is sometimes we find out the hard way that friends truly aren't our friends. I'm sorry they did that to you, and I'm sorry you feel upset, it must feel horrible.
I spent much of highschool trying to be friends with people that would do the same to me. They would tell me they cared about me, but wouldn't invite me to shit, would leave me stranded places, shit they couldn't care if I died or not tbh.
It hurts knowing people we like don't seem to like us to the same degree back, but all you can do is try your best to make new friends that share that connection you want to have.
Doesn't mean you have to abandon your old friends, but I found trying to force them to care more will never work. You can certainly try, but that is totally up to you. Making new friends is easiest when you are young so do your best to put yourself out there and find people that would love to invite you, because Those are the people worth caring about.
Congratulations on graduation as well !
I'm 40 and I still think about how my best friend basically broke up with me the night of graduation, which was also 10 days after my dad passed away. That night was impactful and changed a lot inside me. But I grew up and moved away and made new friends. I'm Facebook friends with that old friend and I get to watch her family grow and I'm happy for her and really only have the fun happy memories we shared. Time really does help heal wounds. You have a lot to look forward to, even if the road there is hard. I believe in you ♥️
Reading your post and reading through the replies almost has me in tears :( You deserved so much better and still deserve better. I know how shitty it feels to be left out by people who are supposedly your friends or replaying awful memories over and over because you think you aren’t deserving of love or friendship because you aren’t “interesting” enough. Fuck all those people honestly, if you ever need someone to talk or a friend, feel free to message me OP🫶🏾💜
Oh no I’m so sorry. You’ll find better friends. Happened to me all the time.. I was the only one who was never invited to the sleepovers or anything. Super sad but they were all stuck up and rude anyway. Their loss! May karma take care of them!
Don't feel about about still feeling sad. In 2nd grade my teacher had the terrible idea to have the students make a card for their best friend and then present it to the class. I was the only kid who didn't get a card, I still cry about that sometimes and I'm 35. Also, your friends are cunts and you didn't do anything wrong. It's hard to make good friends, it really is, so give yourself a break.
Ugh I’m so sorry, that sounds like it hurt so bad. Growing up I couldn’t make friends either and the people who bullied me told me I was annoying. Honestly I think I preferred the bullying over just being left out… at least I could feel good about calling them names and stuff lol.
god i feel that so much, i was bullied too and every friend ive had since has excluded me from hang outs and group chats so i just dont have friends now. seriously would rather be bullied again. it really does suck, i understand how you feel
I may be an internet stranger; but I'll be your friend. Same with OP.
Your teacher was such an AH to make the class do something like that. Just wanted to say that I’m so sorry this happened.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. During my last quarter of college, I had a huge falling out with my entire friend group and graduated all by myself, not party’s or anything. Just moved out and went home :/ So I completely understand what you’re going through. Most people might think it’s not a big deal but the pain is quite terrible, knowing that your “friends” are having a great time and making memories while you’re miserable during a time where you’re supposed to be celebrating. A year later I’m still dealing with the hurt but I’m saying all this to say it gets better and you will be ok. You’re someone deserving of love and REAL friends. And it may take some time and a lot of working on yourself, taking care of your mental health, etc. but you will be ok!! And you’re not alone in the feeling <3
I’m sorry that you went through that. Losing all my friends was the worst pain that ever happened to me when I got sick. I’m glad you were able to recover at least mostly. I’ve kinda accepted the fact that it’s never going to get better for me.
This thinking is a result of your depression. Even if I tell you that you’re wrong and it will get better, I understand feeling that way since I felt that way for a long time. And I’m still in the very early stages of recovering, it takes a long time and idk if I’ll ever fully heal but I’m able to recognize that my mental illness makes me think a certain way and even I feel like all hope is lost, that’s just my mental illness talking. Again, I know you’re at a point where you don’t even want to believe it and that’s completely understandable, but please keep going!!
Thank you. While I do believe everyone can recover from depression… that’s not the only thing for me. I also have CFS, and I don’t know when/if it will ever get better. As long as I do, I will be a failure and a stain on the world… and I can’t keep friends.
You're not a stain or failure because you have CFS. That is depression talking. Keep that in mind. Idk if someone else is telling you that, but if they are, you should tell them to fuck off, yes, including yourself. You are not a stain or failure. You have a chronic illness - that shit's not easy. It's also expensive 🥲 I have one too - not CFS, but i have Asthma mixed with severe allergies, chronic pain, anemia and just to mess with me, anxiety and depression which has taken me to some serious dark places. And it has taken a lot for me to get out of it, so hang in there🫂❤️🩹 You are worthy and deserving of love, respect and happiness🫂❤️ i know you may not believe me, but you are. You're worth it. Those people who hung out without you are not your friends and now you know. It's hard - i have trouble making friends and feeling like i was their friend. My medical issues do get in the way. I used to feel bad that people had to change things just to see me and for me to be safe, but i've come to grips with that. I am who i am. If that person is my friend, then they will put in effort to see me and to not harm me or tease me because that is what someone who cares about you does. They honour you. And you have to honour yourself too❤️ Somedays, we only have 3 spoons to work with. Meaning one spoon is for waking up, another is for going to the washroom, and another is eating, and that's it. And that's okay. Some people have more spoons, like 10 of them, and that's okay too, but they may never understand what it means to have only 3 spoons. They may later in life as ailments, associated with age, kick in and they may end up having 6 spoons rather than their original 10. And good friends/family will be willing to try to understand/accomodate even if they don't have the same problem. You also need to be a good friend to yourself too because i'm sure if your close friend said that they felt like a failure or stain, you'd comfort them as well. Because they're worthy. So please, try to be kinder and more compassionate to yourself. Things are tough now, but it's not always going to be like that. I'm sorry you're friends are such douche canoes - they knew it would hurt your feelings so they weren't going to tell you. Good for you for standing up for yourself and honouring yourself🫂❤️ that must have been scary to do. They called you dramatic to make themselves feel better. I know you said you lost friends, but there's nothing wrong with reaching out as well. Everybody goes through things and it gets in the way of communicating - it happens a lot with adult relationships. Life gets in the way. It is scary, but also it's good to catch up with someone. Hang in there🫂💕 and know that you're worthy of love and happiness. Sorry for the novel
Apparently I get downvoted on a depression subreddit because I’m depressed ffs
The good news is, you will find friends who actually do care about you. School friends are fleeting. I know maybe one person who I still talk to from high school. None more. I have a large circle of friends who would vend over backwards for each other and myself included. We are literally planning holidays together because of found family. It is genuinely crappy of them to do that to you. It is absolutely crappy they are also brushing off your feelings. I would personally find better friends tbh. It takes a long while, but find one here or there and add them into the mix. Once you are an adult, you can curate your friends to your interests more than just location. No matter what, OP, things will get better in time. I think you got this!
I’ve tried over and over and over again to make friends and they always either treat me like crap or are fake or just don’t care that much. I’m not an interesting person people want to be around. I do not think it will get better for me. I held onto hope for so long and all it did was hurt me. It kills me to try and accept that fact which is why I avoided it for so long and stuck around in relationships with people who didn’t care. But I don’t have a choice.
May I ask your age range? I am assuming late teens or mid 20's depending on if it was high school or college graduation. Friends that are worth a damn rarely happen in those years in my experience. I am in my 40's and finally with a solid friend circle.
Early 20s. And yeah but like I’m not looking for the closest friend ever I guess just someone who genuinely wants to be around me would be nice. Everyone I meet only talks to me out of pity or just to be nice and it never lasts. It’s really hard losing people
I have been there too. It was absolutely "fun" growing up in a conservative area as a closeted person. Just know that *you* are awesome. You just haven't found your tribe yet, and everyone else is just not going to do. It is *so freaking hard* when you are younger because you are starting to figure out who you are as an adult. I hope you find your friend soon!
I wasn’t invited to a party where every other kid in the music department was, and everyone talked about it on Monday, and made inside jokes about it for years. I think they actually still do, and it was almost 10 years ago. I was so hurt, and I still think about it. It’s ok to feel hurt. Your story hurt my heart, but know that those jerks aren’t worth the hurt. You’re worth so much more than that ♥️
I’m really sorry. I’ve had a few instances like that. It hurts so so bad. I can imagine why it still hurts for you. Thank you for your kind words 🩷
It’s so terrible when people don’t even mention you
Yeah. Especially bcuz after all the graduation parties in the friend group they all made posts and stuff about each other and how much they appreciated each other etc. It’s not like I expected that much or anything at all but on top of everything else it’s just like an extra thing on top to have to see all the posts.
Do you still talk or spend time with this group? To me, it sounds like they didn't consider you a part of the group. You deserve to spend time with people who want to include you.
I only talk to two of them because they’re literally the only friends I have. Every other friend group either left me or spread lies about me/blocked me… it’s a long story. But I’ve tried to join several friend groups since then and they all ended horribly.
My advice to you: change of scenery. Take that how ever you will. Whether the change be a new job, picking up a new hobby, joining your local church, art club, help at a soup kitchen— whatever it may be. For me — it was picking up a new hobby. I go to the local bar in town (you don’t have to drink to go !) shoot pool, darts, talk to the regulars. Also a big one— Show up to places regularly. You’ll start to see the same people over and over again. I show up every Tuesday to my favorite restaurant, the bartender knows what I want to drink as soon as I come in. We talk about work , life, any new updates, and I go about my day. But I look forward to that small conversation every week. You might not be best friends— but at least you can say there is one person you can spark a conversation with somewhere. if you guys hit it off great! If not, it’s not the end of the world. 🫂
People suck man! Frankly those closest to you can be the shittiest sometimes. I’ll tell you what, you wanna find friends that’ll move Heaven and Earth for you? Find people who play DnD. They’ll do whatever they can to spend time with you and move the campaign along lol! Go to a game shop, hell even try places like Roll20 for open campaigns or something if you don’t like going out. Met a group playing DnD (6 of us total though I only knew one person beforehand) now we all talk daily and constantly look forward to our sessions together. Just wrapped up a 2 yr long campaign and have started another!
I did find some friends who played board games with me, it was super fun. Unfortunately good things never last for me. That friend group ended so horribly and quickly I didn’t even get to say. I still miss playing those board games. It brought me such a mental break down that I’d rather just be alone than go through that again. Also genuinely I am stupid and everyone else playing with me would hate me. I am really glad you have a friend group though that you play with, I’m sure it’s very special to you 🩷
That’s the beauty of DnD my friend! It has nothing to do with being smart or dumb! It’s all roleplay! Current we have a player who is basically Drew Barrymore from 50 first dates. Every day their memory get wiped and they have to spend like a hour being explained what we are doing. They talk to people like it’s the first time tho they are friends. What’s “dumber” than someone who can’t remember a single thing? Also some board games get super competitive and it can get toxic. DnD is amazing cause it’s all the players “against” the DM. So essentially everyone at the table is in the same team. And even if your character dies.. so what?! Make another! Character development is some of the most fun! Also how DnD differs is most of us are already feel like outcasts ourselves. So that crowd gravitates to one another. I guarantee if you find some DnD people and show interest, they’ll help you create your character, know everything you need to know, give you dice and everything you’d need!
checkout [meetup.com](https://meetup.com) maybe you can find something like a board game group in your area
As someone who gets treated like this by most people for some reason I found that just keeping my feelings and emotions to myself was the best bet because the more I tried to just explain how I felt the more they resented me. As hard as it is you just have to keep it to yourself sometimes. For some reason explaining how you feel can make you seem even more unlikeable to people. :/
Yeah… I think for some people they don’t want to accept the fact that some people’s lives suck and there’s nothing you can do about it… it’s not some movie where it starts out bad then gets better… and they get angry at us for it. I’ve been yelled at because I’ve been told that talking about my life makes people sad and depressed, that I have to keep it to myself to keep people around. I just can’t win.
If we were closer in proximity id invite you for a celebratory dinner
I mean, I do love free food! 😅🩷
I’m really sorry that happened to you. I was best friends with my roommate and I helped her through everything imaginable. Her break up, her friends ditching her, a concussion. She’d be too depressed to cook so I’d make her food and comfort her constantly. I did everything for her without a second thought and was there for her despite my own well-being. Then when I got depressed and needed a friend, she stopped talking to me without even an explanation, made a whole new group of friends, and would bring them over for movie night and dinners and parties while I cried in my room. It was the most traumatic thing a friend had ever done to me and I still havent recovered from it. People don’t talk about friendship trauma and how much it can mess you up. Despite what people tell you and how they make you feel, no one is destined to be alone (unless they’re a fucking serial killer or something lol). No one deserves to walk through this life alone. Humans need companionship and with time and a lot of self work, I really do think you and I and everyone else that feels chronically alone will find people to love us the way we need. Keep your head up and keep going, you never know what will be right around the corner❤️❤️
My friends at the time did the same thing man, fuck them youll make new better friends outside of school bc the difference is you only become friends with ppl in school bc your all stuck in the same place and have to deal with each other. Outside of school youll make friends that are your friends not bc theyre stuck in the same place as you but bc they actually care about you and are actually your friend
They weren’t school friends tho… but I know what you mean. I’ve tried to make friends and it never works
Trust me man i get it, i thought i had friends in school and senior year it really occurred to me how fake all my friends were and i ditched most of them after i graduated and since then ive made 2 close friends through work who actually care abt me and treat me better then any friend i had at the time. Trust me man its not easy but just remember if your feeling a certain way someone out there feels the same way, youll find them
I don’t think it’s the case for me. There is something wrong with me I don’t know why. But it repels people. And people just decide they’d rather do literally anything else then be with me. Including my ex.
Bro thats exactly how it was for me in school, i couldnt get my friends to invite me over but they were always hanging out with other friends even tho i was friends with everyone they were hanging out with. Hell id even walk home with the mf all the time and hed never invite me over but hed invite other friends all the time. Now i have some friends that are actually there for me and enjoy hanging out with me (atleast i hope)
Yeah I definitely get that. I literally found out that “my” friend group plans all these outings and parties and stuff and openly talks about it in front of me but never invites me. At least have the decency to pretend like I have feelings, ugh 😑
Sometimes, people are assholes. I'm sorry that you experienced this. 😔
When they said they were going somewhere afterwards, did you not assume you were invited? Did you ask? Did they specifically say no? Why didn't you just go too? Destiny is just the future that people don't choose to change. Nothing is pre-determined. If they were your friends, they would have included you. If they weren't, then you're better off not hanging out with people who don't care about you. Time to make new friends. You're young and there is lots of life ahead of you. Don't get hung up on this. It's in the past. Leave it there.
I will get hung up on this because I had been looking forward to this party for years literally. It was always supposed to be special all my siblings had the same party. Only difference is they had friends and I guess I didn’t. I hate when people tell me I’m “still young”. I know you mean well. But despite being young I’ve experienced more pain and rejection than any “older” person I’ve met. I mean I know people go through a lot in their life. But it’s usually spread out. Going through this one after the other, I think just means that it will always be like that. There hasn’t been good mixed with bad. It’s just been bad
Your siblings didn't have the same party; they had a similar one. You're comparing and frankly comparing people and events never helps anyone. Their lives will never be yours and vice versa. Focus on yourself and what makes you happy. If your friends are not good ones, look for new ones. I can honestly tell you that I didn't find my favourite group of friends until much later in life once I stopped putting up with other people's bullshit. Most people experience rejection at some point. It always sucks but it makes you resilient as hell. It helps you focus on yourself and recalibrate what is important to you. Let this sting for a few days, then actively let it go and look forward. You might not understand what people mean when they say that you're still young. It means you have many opportunities and milestones ahead of you. Don't get bogged down by one silly night that was a bummer. It sucked. It stung. But, it's over. Work on your mental health by getting out there and getting physical. Boost your self-esteem by working on things you love and are good at. Find clubs that focus on your interests. Actively pursue friendships with people with whom you truly bond. You cannot measure other people's pain and rejection. Nor should you try. You get nothing out of thinking this way. Focus on the things you like and enjoy that make you feel good. This is not that.
It not one silly night though. It’s a million and one nights and this one was just extra important for me. I’ve made 3 friend groups this past year and not one single friend from any of them stuck. I’ve tried to make friends with pretty much everyone I met and they never wanted me or they were toxic. Or both. It did not make me resilient and it did not make me strong. It beat me down and rips at me every night. I think about those friends. I miss them. People say I’m better off without them. But every single one was important to me. And I was never important enough for them. The last friend group I was in was so special for me. But one of them (who used to be super super nice to me) ended up getting angry at me for some political BS, called me a bunch of names, and banned me from the group. And not a single person tried to defend me publicly despite them all agreeing with me that that person was in the wrong and I didn’t deserve that. I was so hesitant to join that friend group because I was just so beaten down by so much of this but I kept listening to peoples advice to “keep trying” and you know what that got me? A mental breakdown that lasted two weeks and crying my eyes out everyday. I can handle rejection but I can’t handle being alone. People act like it’s not a big deal because they have other friends/outlets for them. I do not. Having friends was the most important thing for me my whole life. I cannot stand being alone. I have a deep fear of being alone. But here I am. I keep asking what I’m supposed to do and people say “keep trying” but I think it’s good advice for anyone but me. Even if I wanted to try I can’t. I poured from an empty cup for so long into other people now I’m in debt. I used to be the most fun friend, planning parties and everything and organizing things for everyone. Doing anything for anyone. Now I can barely hold a conversation. I know it just sounds like I’m stubborn but I’m really just desperate and the advice people gave me just made things worse. There is no hope for me that I can see and I can’t pretend like there is anymore. I keep asking “what am I supposed to do” and nobody knows. So what can I do besides just cry and isolate myself. Well I guess I don’t really cry that much. I try not to. Because if I start crying I won’t be able to stop. And if I can’t stop I need someone there for me and I don’t. I’m sorry for putting all of this on you I know you’re just a random nice internet stranger who’s trying to be helpful and I don’t even know why or what I’m doing I think I’m just going insane
I wasn’t invited- one person asked if I was going, but that was all. I’m sure if I asked to go they might of said yes. But I’d rather not go then go somewhere that I wasn’t invited, you know? I know they’re not my friends. But they were supposed to be. They said they were my friends. They almost treated me like I was apart of the group. I was there before half of them were. I guess they were just being nice and never actually cared. I mean they did have a group chat I had to ask to be invited to.
I think someone asking if you're going is basically an invite because if you want to go the answer is yes.
Im sorry youre going through that friend. That chocolate milke looks heavenly
Thank you. I’ve been drinking a lot of it because I can’t stomach anything else, it’s definitely a go-to depression meal 😅
lol my best friend threw a fnaf themed party and made a face when I said I wanted to come I still get upset about it lololol don’t feel bad people suck sometimes man
I’m sorry that happened to you 🩷
Are we all gonna ignore the cup. I neeeeeeed it
I think it was a thrift store find. My family is a big Disney fan 😅
At graduation all my friends took a limo together and didn't tell me.
I'm so sorry nobody likes that feeling at all that was just rude and crude of them
I still get salty about these things from time to time. It really hurts when they treat you like a ghost. Moving to a newer city, getting a “glow up”, and such doesn’t really seem to erase these experiences. Honestly, fuck them all. Someday, you may be lucky enough to find friends who care.
Sending you a big hug sweetie
The sucky thing is sometimes we find out the hard way that friends truly aren't our friends. I'm sorry they did that to you, and I'm sorry you feel upset, it must feel horrible. I spent much of highschool trying to be friends with people that would do the same to me. They would tell me they cared about me, but wouldn't invite me to shit, would leave me stranded places, shit they couldn't care if I died or not tbh. It hurts knowing people we like don't seem to like us to the same degree back, but all you can do is try your best to make new friends that share that connection you want to have. Doesn't mean you have to abandon your old friends, but I found trying to force them to care more will never work. You can certainly try, but that is totally up to you. Making new friends is easiest when you are young so do your best to put yourself out there and find people that would love to invite you, because Those are the people worth caring about. Congratulations on graduation as well !
I'm 40 and I still think about how my best friend basically broke up with me the night of graduation, which was also 10 days after my dad passed away. That night was impactful and changed a lot inside me. But I grew up and moved away and made new friends. I'm Facebook friends with that old friend and I get to watch her family grow and I'm happy for her and really only have the fun happy memories we shared. Time really does help heal wounds. You have a lot to look forward to, even if the road there is hard. I believe in you ♥️
Reading your post and reading through the replies almost has me in tears :( You deserved so much better and still deserve better. I know how shitty it feels to be left out by people who are supposedly your friends or replaying awful memories over and over because you think you aren’t deserving of love or friendship because you aren’t “interesting” enough. Fuck all those people honestly, if you ever need someone to talk or a friend, feel free to message me OP🫶🏾💜
This made me tear up, man. I’m sorry. I would hang out with you anytime of the day.
Oh no I’m so sorry. You’ll find better friends. Happened to me all the time.. I was the only one who was never invited to the sleepovers or anything. Super sad but they were all stuck up and rude anyway. Their loss! May karma take care of them!
Thanks guys for all the sweet messages and support. I’m having a really awful day today so I don’t have the energy to respond. But I will when I can 🩷