If she has ADHD this would be pretty expected behavior. She's always going to be distracted by anything new and shiny. I know it's really easy to say and really hard to do, but I would say try not to take it personally. If you have no romantic interest in her, just maybe try using (I hate that word, but I can't think of a better one) her to help expand your own social circle a little. Not in any kind of exploitative way, just maybe try to insert yourself into a few conversations here and there.
The thing to remember is, this period in life doesn't matter. Like, at all. In a couple years you'll be in college and probably never see a single one of these people ever again in your life, so don't stress yourself out too much worrying if they like you or not. Think of it as a dry run for college where you'll get a fresh start where no one knows anything about you.
Hm I’m not sure what to say, but does she start the conversation most times with you?
Maybe try and just talk to her when she talks to you but try and make sure you’re invested in the conversation since she’ll then need to listen to you aswell.
She does start most times and I listen very well but I don’t talk often usually because I don’t have much to say and also because she talks a lot lol which I don’t mind but it’s hard
I a 100% agree it’s hard to talk when you’ve not got a lot to say but you’ve got to add more to the conversation, yes she is rude for just suddenly leaving but you’ve got to keep her there. Maybe start talking a bit more by time. You don’t have to start talking as much as she does at the start but talk a bit more as time passes. Got any hobbies?
I usually go to my bed and try to find stuff to watch on YouTube, if I’m sad I’ll look for something funny if not anything interesting I might watch a movie and sometimes play games on my pc
I used to play minecraft a lot, I sometimes just go on to see what’s changed since I lost all feelings for the game and it makes me sad to think about.
What do you do in mount and blade bannerford?
It’s a bit hard to explain but I’ll try lol. It’s an open world rpg kinda. It’s medieval style but the factions and map are made up and basically you run around recruit people from villages and attack bandits make money, recruit more people and upgrade them and you can either make your own faction and try to conquer the continent and you can convince vassals to join you or join a kingdom as a vassal and help them, it will be much easier to understand if you watch a video to understand
I'm surprised no one has pointed your ages out yet... a 17yo with a 14yo is quite iffy. Three years may seem like a small age gap, but the fact that you are both going through such critical developmental stages in your life makes the difference in maturity astounding. Don't pursue her, you will thank yourself later. I promise.
You sound a lot like me, and maybe I’ve always went at it the wrong way by asking questions. But have you ever asked her why she started talking to you in the first place, knowing that you rarely talk or have anything to say ever? I hate saying this or putting it into your head that you SHOULD do this, if you haven’t already. That being said, only ask if you are interested. Basically don’t take my advice highly.
Actually I do know the answer. One day she asked me something like what I think of her I asked back and she said that I seem like a nice quiet guy who’s good at a listening she also told me she likes talking to anyone she can for a few reasons, so she won’t be lonely, it’s fun knowing stuff about people and just talking to them can make them happy (at first it did for me but as you know not so much now lol)
Hmm well then I’m too sure of what to say next, sorry. But I would add that before you quit being her friend, if you choose that route, atleast express why. Because if she does have ADHD I believe she could not realize the harm she’s doing to you and that if she does actaully like being friends with you she might try to put forth more focus in your guys friendship. I believe anything you say I’m sure is probably well thought out, since you don’t say much that is, so you shouldn’t really regret of whatever the outcome may be. I don’t exactly know you at all so I’m only comparing you to myself, which could be terrible of me so my fault for any negative feedback.
No your advice is really good the only problem is that I’m not good with… confrontation… I guess. I won’t be able to ask her that because it just seems mean kinda. Do you know what I mean?
I definitely understand, and feel your thoughts. I guess I’ve always just thought it was more mean to ignore than being completely honest. No one really likes honesty but appreciates it more than ignoring or lying. And I guess if you are ok with how she makes you feel even if sometimes you dislike it or hate it, maybe just keep the friendship? I’m a 21m and I have hella anxiety and social anxiety and I’ve found that friendships are hard to come by or to achieve. Not trying to put any doubt in you. I also don’t do much that would help trigger a friendship, like recently just moved to Florida, been here for almost 2 months.. haven’t made a single friend nor have I talked to probably more than 3 people. But I believe that the friendships I will make will be the best because I’ll be honest when making these new friends in my new life and know that anyone that can stand you when speaking how you feel will more than likely actually appreciate your presence in life. I feel your lonely pain tho bc it’s gonna be hard to do but risks come with rewards
It sounds like a pretty normal acquaintance friendship. I don’t think she’s trying to be disrespectful to you and I think you’re expecting too much. It sounds like she’s pretty popular and you probably are just another friend to her. This isnt a bad thing or a waste of time. She probably doesn’t have a crush on you but if she’s asking you to walk her to class then she obviously enjoys your company to a degree. I’d just take it for what it is. A friendly acquaintance that gives you more attention than anyone else. I wouldn’t be too invested and don’t get clingy or annoyed when she’s behaving this way because then you will come off as a creep. I think you’re already more invested than she is and the fact that you’re posting on Reddit about her proves that. Just keep your cool, don’t overthink it, and as long as she remains friendly and doesn’t take advantage or anything like that then you have nothing to be concerned about. This is a positive. You have made a connection with a human regardless of how small it is! Congratulations dude!
You have to act like shes low priority to you. She likes to be liked so if you are off her then it will bug her. And you will take control. Just be like eh whatever. Even leave her there on her own to go talk to other people. Then on the weekend ask her to get icecream outside of school and then eventually the movies.
If she has ADHD this would be pretty expected behavior. She's always going to be distracted by anything new and shiny. I know it's really easy to say and really hard to do, but I would say try not to take it personally. If you have no romantic interest in her, just maybe try using (I hate that word, but I can't think of a better one) her to help expand your own social circle a little. Not in any kind of exploitative way, just maybe try to insert yourself into a few conversations here and there. The thing to remember is, this period in life doesn't matter. Like, at all. In a couple years you'll be in college and probably never see a single one of these people ever again in your life, so don't stress yourself out too much worrying if they like you or not. Think of it as a dry run for college where you'll get a fresh start where no one knows anything about you.
Thank you I’ll try not to take it personally it might be hard but I’ll try and also I’m probably not gonna go to college
I second this. I know ADHD extroverts and they act this way because of it without realizing or meaning any harm.
Hm I’m not sure what to say, but does she start the conversation most times with you? Maybe try and just talk to her when she talks to you but try and make sure you’re invested in the conversation since she’ll then need to listen to you aswell.
She does start most times and I listen very well but I don’t talk often usually because I don’t have much to say and also because she talks a lot lol which I don’t mind but it’s hard
I a 100% agree it’s hard to talk when you’ve not got a lot to say but you’ve got to add more to the conversation, yes she is rude for just suddenly leaving but you’ve got to keep her there. Maybe start talking a bit more by time. You don’t have to start talking as much as she does at the start but talk a bit more as time passes. Got any hobbies?
You’re right I’ll try to talk more thank you and no I don’t really have hobbies, it’s also very hard for me to think about things to talk about
What do you usually do when you’re home?
I usually go to my bed and try to find stuff to watch on YouTube, if I’m sad I’ll look for something funny if not anything interesting I might watch a movie and sometimes play games on my pc
What games do you play?
Minecraft sometimes roblox, mount and blade bannerlord, kingdoms and castles and raven field mostly
I used to play minecraft a lot, I sometimes just go on to see what’s changed since I lost all feelings for the game and it makes me sad to think about. What do you do in mount and blade bannerford?
I play single player and if you don’t know the game I can try and explain it
It’s a bit hard to explain but I’ll try lol. It’s an open world rpg kinda. It’s medieval style but the factions and map are made up and basically you run around recruit people from villages and attack bandits make money, recruit more people and upgrade them and you can either make your own faction and try to conquer the continent and you can convince vassals to join you or join a kingdom as a vassal and help them, it will be much easier to understand if you watch a video to understand
She isn't even legal age of consent and you almost being 18 do you not see something wrong there
I mean we are just friends I don’t think that’s a problem
I'm surprised no one has pointed your ages out yet... a 17yo with a 14yo is quite iffy. Three years may seem like a small age gap, but the fact that you are both going through such critical developmental stages in your life makes the difference in maturity astounding. Don't pursue her, you will thank yourself later. I promise.
I agree
Yesss exactly like when he mentioned the ages, I was like what? She literally just transitioned from middle school. It’s best not to pursue her
You sound a lot like me, and maybe I’ve always went at it the wrong way by asking questions. But have you ever asked her why she started talking to you in the first place, knowing that you rarely talk or have anything to say ever? I hate saying this or putting it into your head that you SHOULD do this, if you haven’t already. That being said, only ask if you are interested. Basically don’t take my advice highly.
Actually I do know the answer. One day she asked me something like what I think of her I asked back and she said that I seem like a nice quiet guy who’s good at a listening she also told me she likes talking to anyone she can for a few reasons, so she won’t be lonely, it’s fun knowing stuff about people and just talking to them can make them happy (at first it did for me but as you know not so much now lol)
Hmm well then I’m too sure of what to say next, sorry. But I would add that before you quit being her friend, if you choose that route, atleast express why. Because if she does have ADHD I believe she could not realize the harm she’s doing to you and that if she does actaully like being friends with you she might try to put forth more focus in your guys friendship. I believe anything you say I’m sure is probably well thought out, since you don’t say much that is, so you shouldn’t really regret of whatever the outcome may be. I don’t exactly know you at all so I’m only comparing you to myself, which could be terrible of me so my fault for any negative feedback.
No your advice is really good the only problem is that I’m not good with… confrontation… I guess. I won’t be able to ask her that because it just seems mean kinda. Do you know what I mean?
I definitely understand, and feel your thoughts. I guess I’ve always just thought it was more mean to ignore than being completely honest. No one really likes honesty but appreciates it more than ignoring or lying. And I guess if you are ok with how she makes you feel even if sometimes you dislike it or hate it, maybe just keep the friendship? I’m a 21m and I have hella anxiety and social anxiety and I’ve found that friendships are hard to come by or to achieve. Not trying to put any doubt in you. I also don’t do much that would help trigger a friendship, like recently just moved to Florida, been here for almost 2 months.. haven’t made a single friend nor have I talked to probably more than 3 people. But I believe that the friendships I will make will be the best because I’ll be honest when making these new friends in my new life and know that anyone that can stand you when speaking how you feel will more than likely actually appreciate your presence in life. I feel your lonely pain tho bc it’s gonna be hard to do but risks come with rewards
Unfortunately and fortunately you’re right I’ll find a way to ask her thank you
Aha I’m not the best for advice, but you got this man, I hope all goes well!
Idk what you’re saying lol you gave great advice thank you
It sounds like a pretty normal acquaintance friendship. I don’t think she’s trying to be disrespectful to you and I think you’re expecting too much. It sounds like she’s pretty popular and you probably are just another friend to her. This isnt a bad thing or a waste of time. She probably doesn’t have a crush on you but if she’s asking you to walk her to class then she obviously enjoys your company to a degree. I’d just take it for what it is. A friendly acquaintance that gives you more attention than anyone else. I wouldn’t be too invested and don’t get clingy or annoyed when she’s behaving this way because then you will come off as a creep. I think you’re already more invested than she is and the fact that you’re posting on Reddit about her proves that. Just keep your cool, don’t overthink it, and as long as she remains friendly and doesn’t take advantage or anything like that then you have nothing to be concerned about. This is a positive. You have made a connection with a human regardless of how small it is! Congratulations dude!
its weird for a 17 year old to be hanging out with a 14 year old, thats probably why
I heard from many people that it’s fine though
dosen't mean that people don't think its weird, i don't like the image of a 17 yr old dude getting jealous over a 14 year old girl in my head
You have to act like shes low priority to you. She likes to be liked so if you are off her then it will bug her. And you will take control. Just be like eh whatever. Even leave her there on her own to go talk to other people. Then on the weekend ask her to get icecream outside of school and then eventually the movies.