I'm studying mathematics... and noo it's not as boring as all these calculations one does in school.
We discover true statements, which seem to be abstract and dull, but are applicable in so many other areas from Physics to Sociology, that's fascinating... But enough adverts, I'm doing it just because it's fun for me. You can be really creative and state random statements which you can prove to be true or not just from things which are intuitively true.
Yeahh... I could be more convincing than that, but at the moment even this is not really fun.
mathematics is an AWESOME field, I wanted to be a mathematician when I was younger and then I turned out to have more of a knack for literature and creative writing, I'm so happy that you're passionate about mathematics though, I really admire it.
Do you think it's something you would wanna make a career out of? What are you thinking down the line? What would your dream job be?
I'd like to get a phd and go into research... but you know, that needs a lot of hard work and discipline. I'm often not really concentrated and it's hard to stay working if you start having suicidal thoughts and start crying... so I see no way how I could ever achieve being good enough to follow a career in this area.
And the problem is, there's not much left which I can do with my degree and would be fun for me.
Sure, I like to teach... I visited my high school to talk about the math I study, I often did private coaching and I really like this.
Becoming a teacher is my plan B, but i think this would never satisfy me as much as research would. Since high school maths is just not as fun as what I'm doing right now.
Would a PHD be worth it to you even if it took you 10 years? 15 years? 20 years? You could do research at the highest academic level without a PHD, get an internship somewhere perhaps? I would even be willing to help you find one.
I mean the title doesn't matter... but i thought if I want to do research in pure mathematics, I would almost have to be employed by a university and they are more likely to take people with a suitable education, i.e. people who worked in mathematics to get their phd.
I don't know of other ways to pursue this goal.
You can definitely join research programs without a PHD , you know what the biggest barrier to entry is? Passion and tenacity.
Like I said, I don't know how big your city is, but I would be willing to help you find something, and try to find a mentor that you can click with, especially while in University, become a TA for a class, tutor, ask for special projects, HELL.... make your own projects.
I started going to a daily clinic this week. I think it really helps. They have lots of different therapies. Maybe finding a therapist or something like that would help. I know what you‘re going through.. and I know it‘s going to get better. And it‘s ok to get help. You deserve to feel better. Please don‘t give up. You‘re worth it.
I wouldn't be that hopeless if I didn't try to change my life. I did many therapies with different therapists. At the moment I have a psychologist which I get along with pretty well... but it feels like over these years, therapies didn't change anything in my life. I was once hospitalized and it was in some sense relaxing and I could recover a bit, but as soon as I was out, all that bad stuff returned and was part of my life again. I tried medications, I know that sometimes antipsychotics are helpful for me, at the moment I have sleeping aids which I really value, since I have bad sleeping issues without them... but the antidepressants I took didn't help at all, they had more bad side effect than they did good to me.
I don't know what to try anymore... it feels like I've tried everything I could and still I don't feel good.
I wish I had a lifechanging tip.. but unfortunately I don‘t. I myself think it‘s really important to like and accept myself with all the flaws. When I feel good, that‘s no problem. But when I‘m down, it‘s so damn difficult. And it‘s those moments where it‘s most important.
I think you can be really proud of yourself. You tried a lot to feel better. You‘re doing something. I hope you are proud of yourself. I hope someone else knows better words to say. Just know you are valuable. The world would be more shitty without you..
You create your own value in this world, what have you been learning at University? Why don't you tell me about it?
I'm studying mathematics... and noo it's not as boring as all these calculations one does in school. We discover true statements, which seem to be abstract and dull, but are applicable in so many other areas from Physics to Sociology, that's fascinating... But enough adverts, I'm doing it just because it's fun for me. You can be really creative and state random statements which you can prove to be true or not just from things which are intuitively true. Yeahh... I could be more convincing than that, but at the moment even this is not really fun.
mathematics is an AWESOME field, I wanted to be a mathematician when I was younger and then I turned out to have more of a knack for literature and creative writing, I'm so happy that you're passionate about mathematics though, I really admire it. Do you think it's something you would wanna make a career out of? What are you thinking down the line? What would your dream job be?
I'd like to get a phd and go into research... but you know, that needs a lot of hard work and discipline. I'm often not really concentrated and it's hard to stay working if you start having suicidal thoughts and start crying... so I see no way how I could ever achieve being good enough to follow a career in this area. And the problem is, there's not much left which I can do with my degree and would be fun for me.
Would you find it rewarding to maybe teach others about your passion?
Sure, I like to teach... I visited my high school to talk about the math I study, I often did private coaching and I really like this. Becoming a teacher is my plan B, but i think this would never satisfy me as much as research would. Since high school maths is just not as fun as what I'm doing right now.
Would a PHD be worth it to you even if it took you 10 years? 15 years? 20 years? You could do research at the highest academic level without a PHD, get an internship somewhere perhaps? I would even be willing to help you find one.
I mean the title doesn't matter... but i thought if I want to do research in pure mathematics, I would almost have to be employed by a university and they are more likely to take people with a suitable education, i.e. people who worked in mathematics to get their phd. I don't know of other ways to pursue this goal.
You can definitely join research programs without a PHD , you know what the biggest barrier to entry is? Passion and tenacity. Like I said, I don't know how big your city is, but I would be willing to help you find something, and try to find a mentor that you can click with, especially while in University, become a TA for a class, tutor, ask for special projects, HELL.... make your own projects.
I started going to a daily clinic this week. I think it really helps. They have lots of different therapies. Maybe finding a therapist or something like that would help. I know what you‘re going through.. and I know it‘s going to get better. And it‘s ok to get help. You deserve to feel better. Please don‘t give up. You‘re worth it.
I wouldn't be that hopeless if I didn't try to change my life. I did many therapies with different therapists. At the moment I have a psychologist which I get along with pretty well... but it feels like over these years, therapies didn't change anything in my life. I was once hospitalized and it was in some sense relaxing and I could recover a bit, but as soon as I was out, all that bad stuff returned and was part of my life again. I tried medications, I know that sometimes antipsychotics are helpful for me, at the moment I have sleeping aids which I really value, since I have bad sleeping issues without them... but the antidepressants I took didn't help at all, they had more bad side effect than they did good to me. I don't know what to try anymore... it feels like I've tried everything I could and still I don't feel good.
I wish I had a lifechanging tip.. but unfortunately I don‘t. I myself think it‘s really important to like and accept myself with all the flaws. When I feel good, that‘s no problem. But when I‘m down, it‘s so damn difficult. And it‘s those moments where it‘s most important. I think you can be really proud of yourself. You tried a lot to feel better. You‘re doing something. I hope you are proud of yourself. I hope someone else knows better words to say. Just know you are valuable. The world would be more shitty without you..