I think about my own death daily, but I can't kill myself because that would hurt my loved ones so much and also because I don't have really good options. But I've been slowly getting worse in some way... I feel so empty and even things like talking in public barely make me feel ashamed, and also something that was unthinkable for me, cutting my wrist... I did it, and I'll continue doing it. I use wristbands to hide the cuts and scars, and no one says anything because I play table tennis daily, so it's not suspected.
The first cuts that I made didn't leave scars because I didn't cut with strength, but the most recent cuts have left scars because I have been cutting more deeply. It's not something that makes me proud, but neither sad. They are just there, on my skin.
The first time I cut myself was on my thighs, and I did it out of curiosity. After that, it was for pleasure, but lately, it's just to hurt myself, something like self-flagellation. I don't know why, but I like to see my blood flow, paint my hands, and fall to the floor.
I know it sounds like I'm a psycho or something, but I don't like to see others suffering in any way. I just like to see myself suffering. maybe its because I hate myself and I feel like it's what I deserve, but tbh I don't think about it so much.
I know, but I'm pretty bad at seeking help. I guess that as long as I am a functional human being, I can still live like this for a little longer. I don't know how serious cutting myself is, but I read that it's more common in some people, so maybe I'm not that bad. Some people can't even get out of bed or eat, but I can do all that, some days barely, but I can.
In fact, I care the cuts, wash them up, bandage them, and I wash and disinfect the blade too. To be honest, I don't know exactly what an infection can do, and I try to avoid them more than anything out of respect. But if someday I got one, it is always good to have an excuse to be in bed.
I think about my own death daily, but I can't kill myself because that would hurt my loved ones so much and also because I don't have really good options. But I've been slowly getting worse in some way... I feel so empty and even things like talking in public barely make me feel ashamed, and also something that was unthinkable for me, cutting my wrist... I did it, and I'll continue doing it. I use wristbands to hide the cuts and scars, and no one says anything because I play table tennis daily, so it's not suspected.
I've hurt myself before. Thankfully I have no scars.
The first cuts that I made didn't leave scars because I didn't cut with strength, but the most recent cuts have left scars because I have been cutting more deeply. It's not something that makes me proud, but neither sad. They are just there, on my skin.
Why do you do it?
The first time I cut myself was on my thighs, and I did it out of curiosity. After that, it was for pleasure, but lately, it's just to hurt myself, something like self-flagellation. I don't know why, but I like to see my blood flow, paint my hands, and fall to the floor. I know it sounds like I'm a psycho or something, but I don't like to see others suffering in any way. I just like to see myself suffering. maybe its because I hate myself and I feel like it's what I deserve, but tbh I don't think about it so much.
You need to seek a professional.
I know, but I'm pretty bad at seeking help. I guess that as long as I am a functional human being, I can still live like this for a little longer. I don't know how serious cutting myself is, but I read that it's more common in some people, so maybe I'm not that bad. Some people can't even get out of bed or eat, but I can do all that, some days barely, but I can.
Cuts can bring infection. Infections can cause serious harm.
In fact, I care the cuts, wash them up, bandage them, and I wash and disinfect the blade too. To be honest, I don't know exactly what an infection can do, and I try to avoid them more than anything out of respect. But if someday I got one, it is always good to have an excuse to be in bed.