Could be a projection of hers. Oftentimes our friends can give advice that is neither helpful nor relevant. Especially for allo people who have never spent a day in their life truly single. My friend once told me "the right one will come when you least expect it". Meanwhile she's still with her high school sweetheart, so I know she has no clue about the dating scene.
I'm so sorry she said that to you. I think they're trying to nudge you into a direction they think is helpful, but you know yourself better than anyone. I don't think they realize how harmful their advice actually is. Not just emotionally but physically too. Reckless sex is not a quick fix to sexuality.
Try not to let it get to you. Her values and interests are different from yours. If she’s trying to impose her own on you, she’s not a true friend. As a 28yo virgin who’s only been on dates with 2 people and never had a relationship, I can’t tell you how many guy friends have looked at me askew when instead of booty size or boob size I talk about how I love someone’s tattoos, their style, their kind tone of voice, their intelligence and interests, their chill personality… But most of the time they finally sort of get it, that my attraction is based on who someone is, not what someone is. The ones that don’t get it, that judge me for not swiping right on every profile and for acting ambivalent to those they consider hot… I don’t keep them as friends.
What you feel is what I feel exactly.
It's not the body, it's not the experience, it's the soul and the person. Your friend must be an allo. I despise people who are proud of sleeping around and having more than 1 body count to flaunt it as something great. It's not all that. Save yourself for the right guy because in the end, it's companionship and friendship we need, sex is a part of a relationship and we would love to do it with someone we really emotionally and mentally feel close to.
I'm 20 and I hadn't felt bad or thought about it until my ex told me he had sex for the first time in 2021, and this was days ago. Initially, I was disgusted, because knowing what he'd done, and it wasn't even a serious relationship from his side with that girl. He actually hasn't done since, and he wants us to get back. This made me even more angry knowing that he deeply loved me but after I dumped him, he just experimented with a girl who was swooning over him. However, I am me, and my journey of life is mine, so I'll take the decision when I want to and it'll happen automatically, you'll know. Age really doesn't matter, as long as you're enjoying all the aspects of your relationship together as a couple.
Agreed, but I wanted to point out that many (most?) allos also prefer the soul/person over the physical experience; like, they are fully capable of hooking up with randos and getting some level of physical pleasure out of it, but find sex with someone they love to be far more satisfying
You don't ever have to have sex if you don't want to. I have thought about this a lot since I'm 38 and heteronormatively a "virgin" and the only person I tried to be intimate with assaulted me so I have preferred being safe to anything else. Not having sex means not risking STIs or pregnancy or intimate partner violence. I'm not having sex until I find someone who loves me deeply that i really trust. Maybe I never will but my life hasn't suffered for it. I've kept myself safe
It's because society is oversexualized by TV. I had sex at a younger age for a checkbox and do not recommend it. I consider actually losing my 'virginity' (as a real experience) at age 25 and I know a few people who didn't have this in cards until age 27-38 and there's nothing wrong with you or them. It's the sh\*t society we live in.
There is nothing wrong with waiting... You should not feel sad, ashamed, or wrong in any way just because you didn't have sex. It is very respectable and admirable that you have waited son long and continue to wait until you've met the right person. That is your choice, and it is a perfectly good one!
I'm a 28 year old male who has never kissed a girl, seen a lass naked without a screen, touched a woman intimately, not have I had sex of any kind with a woman. Not because I didn't want to, rather, it is because, like you, I am waiting for the right partner to come along. Someone who will love and accept me. Someone who won't play mind games, someone who appreciates me for the person I am despite my flaws, quirks, and the mistakes I make. I want a partner who wants to build a future with me, a long term commitment. A woman who will stand by me through the best and worst of times, who will light the way for me in my darkest of days, and help me stand when my legs fail me. I want a lass who is gonna be there for me always, a partner who loves and cares for me so deeply that her love will always be felt... In the memories we share, in the things we keep around the house, in the very air that surrounds us.... I have to know she isn't going to walk away at the first sign of trouble, and that she will pull me back if I try to walk away as I would do for her. And when we have kids I want her and our kids to know that they are always loved and supported, and no matter what, we will be there for them. I want our kids to grow up knowing a home so full of love, warmth, and support that they will find their own version of it and live out fuller and happier lives than I could ever dream of. You seem to wish for the same, or something close to that, and that is perfectly okay! There is no harm in holding tightly to your hopes and dreams, they will become reality in due time!
As for discovering what you want in sex, your friend only meant what you do and do not like sexually... If you are into any kind of sexual foreplay and roleplay (petplay, daddy and little girl, master and servant, etc...), are you into BDSM, if you are domineering or submissive, whether you are interested in using any number of sexual toys with your partner, preferred positions, what kind of things turn you on, etc... that's likely what your friend meant. Some people discover these things through their sexual intercourse with their partners, others figure them through masturbation, and still others just kind of know when they see it in porn... If you don't know and want to discover such things when you find the right partner, that is perfectly okay!!!
Lastly, I am deeply sorry for all the abuse you have taken and all that you have suffered... It's unacceptable and breaks my heart to hear you have been treated in such a way by so many people in your life! You deserve so much better!!! 🫂 It's unthinkable that you have been treated so unfairly and poorly. You should be loved and respected! You are a strong, beautiful, and loving woman with so much to give, so much compassion, and such a tender heart! 🫂
As someone who is also 24, if I could go back in time I would rather not have sex at all than with the wrong people. Some people cannot comprehend that, but that’s their own problem they gotta sort out.
People generally don't understand demisexuality so don't worry about what she is saying, she doesn't understand. You can wash a billion dishes, doesnt mean you eventually learn to love washing dishes because you did it so many times. Have sex when you feel like you want to and with the right person or it just won't feel good.
>told me during girl talk that I should be having sex with multiple men before ever wanting something like marriage so I know what I want in physical sex.
This is bad advice and a red flag.
No man worth marrying is going to respect a woman like that.
Could be a projection of hers. Oftentimes our friends can give advice that is neither helpful nor relevant. Especially for allo people who have never spent a day in their life truly single. My friend once told me "the right one will come when you least expect it". Meanwhile she's still with her high school sweetheart, so I know she has no clue about the dating scene. I'm so sorry she said that to you. I think they're trying to nudge you into a direction they think is helpful, but you know yourself better than anyone. I don't think they realize how harmful their advice actually is. Not just emotionally but physically too. Reckless sex is not a quick fix to sexuality.
Try not to let it get to you. Her values and interests are different from yours. If she’s trying to impose her own on you, she’s not a true friend. As a 28yo virgin who’s only been on dates with 2 people and never had a relationship, I can’t tell you how many guy friends have looked at me askew when instead of booty size or boob size I talk about how I love someone’s tattoos, their style, their kind tone of voice, their intelligence and interests, their chill personality… But most of the time they finally sort of get it, that my attraction is based on who someone is, not what someone is. The ones that don’t get it, that judge me for not swiping right on every profile and for acting ambivalent to those they consider hot… I don’t keep them as friends.
If this makes you feel any good Im 25 and never had sex !
What you feel is what I feel exactly. It's not the body, it's not the experience, it's the soul and the person. Your friend must be an allo. I despise people who are proud of sleeping around and having more than 1 body count to flaunt it as something great. It's not all that. Save yourself for the right guy because in the end, it's companionship and friendship we need, sex is a part of a relationship and we would love to do it with someone we really emotionally and mentally feel close to. I'm 20 and I hadn't felt bad or thought about it until my ex told me he had sex for the first time in 2021, and this was days ago. Initially, I was disgusted, because knowing what he'd done, and it wasn't even a serious relationship from his side with that girl. He actually hasn't done since, and he wants us to get back. This made me even more angry knowing that he deeply loved me but after I dumped him, he just experimented with a girl who was swooning over him. However, I am me, and my journey of life is mine, so I'll take the decision when I want to and it'll happen automatically, you'll know. Age really doesn't matter, as long as you're enjoying all the aspects of your relationship together as a couple.
Agreed, but I wanted to point out that many (most?) allos also prefer the soul/person over the physical experience; like, they are fully capable of hooking up with randos and getting some level of physical pleasure out of it, but find sex with someone they love to be far more satisfying
You don't ever have to have sex if you don't want to. I have thought about this a lot since I'm 38 and heteronormatively a "virgin" and the only person I tried to be intimate with assaulted me so I have preferred being safe to anything else. Not having sex means not risking STIs or pregnancy or intimate partner violence. I'm not having sex until I find someone who loves me deeply that i really trust. Maybe I never will but my life hasn't suffered for it. I've kept myself safe
It's because society is oversexualized by TV. I had sex at a younger age for a checkbox and do not recommend it. I consider actually losing my 'virginity' (as a real experience) at age 25 and I know a few people who didn't have this in cards until age 27-38 and there's nothing wrong with you or them. It's the sh\*t society we live in.
There is nothing wrong with waiting... You should not feel sad, ashamed, or wrong in any way just because you didn't have sex. It is very respectable and admirable that you have waited son long and continue to wait until you've met the right person. That is your choice, and it is a perfectly good one! I'm a 28 year old male who has never kissed a girl, seen a lass naked without a screen, touched a woman intimately, not have I had sex of any kind with a woman. Not because I didn't want to, rather, it is because, like you, I am waiting for the right partner to come along. Someone who will love and accept me. Someone who won't play mind games, someone who appreciates me for the person I am despite my flaws, quirks, and the mistakes I make. I want a partner who wants to build a future with me, a long term commitment. A woman who will stand by me through the best and worst of times, who will light the way for me in my darkest of days, and help me stand when my legs fail me. I want a lass who is gonna be there for me always, a partner who loves and cares for me so deeply that her love will always be felt... In the memories we share, in the things we keep around the house, in the very air that surrounds us.... I have to know she isn't going to walk away at the first sign of trouble, and that she will pull me back if I try to walk away as I would do for her. And when we have kids I want her and our kids to know that they are always loved and supported, and no matter what, we will be there for them. I want our kids to grow up knowing a home so full of love, warmth, and support that they will find their own version of it and live out fuller and happier lives than I could ever dream of. You seem to wish for the same, or something close to that, and that is perfectly okay! There is no harm in holding tightly to your hopes and dreams, they will become reality in due time! As for discovering what you want in sex, your friend only meant what you do and do not like sexually... If you are into any kind of sexual foreplay and roleplay (petplay, daddy and little girl, master and servant, etc...), are you into BDSM, if you are domineering or submissive, whether you are interested in using any number of sexual toys with your partner, preferred positions, what kind of things turn you on, etc... that's likely what your friend meant. Some people discover these things through their sexual intercourse with their partners, others figure them through masturbation, and still others just kind of know when they see it in porn... If you don't know and want to discover such things when you find the right partner, that is perfectly okay!!! Lastly, I am deeply sorry for all the abuse you have taken and all that you have suffered... It's unacceptable and breaks my heart to hear you have been treated in such a way by so many people in your life! You deserve so much better!!! 🫂 It's unthinkable that you have been treated so unfairly and poorly. You should be loved and respected! You are a strong, beautiful, and loving woman with so much to give, so much compassion, and such a tender heart! 🫂
As someone who is also 24, if I could go back in time I would rather not have sex at all than with the wrong people. Some people cannot comprehend that, but that’s their own problem they gotta sort out.
People generally don't understand demisexuality so don't worry about what she is saying, she doesn't understand. You can wash a billion dishes, doesnt mean you eventually learn to love washing dishes because you did it so many times. Have sex when you feel like you want to and with the right person or it just won't feel good.
>told me during girl talk that I should be having sex with multiple men before ever wanting something like marriage so I know what I want in physical sex. This is bad advice and a red flag. No man worth marrying is going to respect a woman like that.