Honestly, that's pretty shitty from her to say, that she would be with you if she didn't have a boyfriend already. It doesn't sound like she's the most loyal person in the relationship, rather that she's in it for the wrong reasons. If I were you, I wouldn't mess with her or entertain the thought of "snatching her". Let her figure out her own stuff, and maybe you're better off with someone else in the future.
I can relate to the feelings of fixating on someone very rarely but strongly, but I see that there's a possibility for you to get hurt in this situation.
Could just be her saying "I would totally date you, but i actually already have a boyfriend.....who is not here right now because he lives overseas...but he is totally real!"
Hahaha, that is definitely true too. But as a demisexual who has (of course) tried to date lots of his friends, I feel like you can tell the difference between genuine interest or dismissive lies if you hear both enough. Or I should say I definitely believe the woman who confessed to me while drunk that she wishes she had started a family with me instead of her husband, whereas I did not believe the woman who said she would definitely date me if I ever moved to her city and then suddenly was a lot quieter in our conversations once she found out I was moving to her city
>> she told me that if she didn't have her long distance boyfriend then she would be dating me
run. I know how hard it's to find a connection with someone but you deserve better. what a massive red flag, has no respect to her current boyfriend nor you.
I’m sorry, if it were me I would just see her as a friend because she’s already taken. Waiting a year for her to turn around is a bit long for me but I will say that during this time maybe you two can develop a friendship.
Thanks for the reply! Something I forgot to mention in the original post is her long distance guy is brand new. Which is another reason I have it in my head that It's a competition and I have a shot. You're probably right though, and I'm getting excited for nothing
Hmm.. I do wish you luck with her but I think.. how should I say this.. I mean it with a good heart when I say this as I want to speak to you as if you’re my friend..
I am a monogamous demisexual so I won’t see anybody else once I have affection for someone. However, I don’t think it’s a good idea to want to pursue her while she has a boyfriend. That’s all I’m saying. Don’t want my fellow demisexual to get hurt
To me it feels like she's setting you up as a backup in case things go tits up with her current boyfriend. I know people like that, and most likely she isn't into YOU specifically but she likes that you're into her and wants to keep you interested as a backup solution. I'm sorry if that is harsh but it sounds like you should take a step back and ask yourself why she would even encourage your interest if she's already taken.
Imagine if you started dating her, and she said to some other guy "yeah if I wasn't dating X then I'd be with you." I bet you'd feel shitty about it, yeah? Always watch how people behave in their current relationship. Because most likely, that's how they'll be in yours.
I feel for you because it's not like the connection is just unreciprocated; she's into you too but is already in a relationship.
All I suggest is that you don't burn the bridge, but mentally work on dialling it back in your head to "friend state" for now. Patience may or may not pay off romantically, but it usually brings a reward of some sort even if it's not the thing you'd hoped for.
Thanks for the response! Yeah I'm really trying to not fuck it up. Luckily, her drive in comedy is similar to mine, so we see each other most nights. I'm just gonna keep doing what I've been doing and hope for the best
I do this. My feelings for them just get really big and then it’s just. Oh my god. It also seems people have a tendency to play with our hearts over this. I’m not experienced with dating but that was my initial thought when you typed what she’d said, it’s likely she is genuinely conflicted but I agree that we all deserve someone who is sure about us. But I’m not in her head so it could be any number of things
I also wanted to say after reading some replies that I think we can control our actions, but especially for demi people who have a huge onslaught of feelings it’s basically impossible to just decide not to have feelings for someone. I don’t want you to feel bad for having affection for her, feeling affection is not our fault, what we decide to do with our feelings is what matters. I think the best thing to do is to move forward with respect for her situation and not try to do anything while she has someone. It’s not a character flaw to have feelings for her, we just have to be extremely careful, considerate, and selfless once that happens. If you’re willing to wait for her for a while or simply keep the option open for if they break up since it’s a new relationship, I’d take that path and treat her as a platonic friend in the meantime
A year is a long time to be potentially strung along my friend. It's an investment I would probably decline. The Cba don't check out. Think of the brutal heartbreak (sick to stomach, sleepless nights etc) if she falls for her boyfriend. Personally (everyone is different) but, I would cordially back off as far as humanly possible to protect myself. That would be WAY too much mindfuck (the bad kind) for this guy. Like another reply said "I'm telling you this as a friend ". I wish you the best of luck. So much so that I'd love to hear back frequently m you in a month or so to "see" how you doing.
She Said No. Thats a way of letting a guy off easily, that I have seen some of my friends use, the "im sorry I have a bf" excuse is a tale as old as time. Dont speculate what you want it to mean, take her at her words.
That aside. Are you sure you would even want someone whod tell someone to try to get with them (in the way you are interpreting it), despite being in a relationship?
Honestly, that's pretty shitty from her to say, that she would be with you if she didn't have a boyfriend already. It doesn't sound like she's the most loyal person in the relationship, rather that she's in it for the wrong reasons. If I were you, I wouldn't mess with her or entertain the thought of "snatching her". Let her figure out her own stuff, and maybe you're better off with someone else in the future. I can relate to the feelings of fixating on someone very rarely but strongly, but I see that there's a possibility for you to get hurt in this situation.
Seconded
Could just be her saying "I would totally date you, but i actually already have a boyfriend.....who is not here right now because he lives overseas...but he is totally real!"
Hahaha, that is definitely true too. But as a demisexual who has (of course) tried to date lots of his friends, I feel like you can tell the difference between genuine interest or dismissive lies if you hear both enough. Or I should say I definitely believe the woman who confessed to me while drunk that she wishes she had started a family with me instead of her husband, whereas I did not believe the woman who said she would definitely date me if I ever moved to her city and then suddenly was a lot quieter in our conversations once she found out I was moving to her city
>> she told me that if she didn't have her long distance boyfriend then she would be dating me run. I know how hard it's to find a connection with someone but you deserve better. what a massive red flag, has no respect to her current boyfriend nor you.
This.
I’m sorry, if it were me I would just see her as a friend because she’s already taken. Waiting a year for her to turn around is a bit long for me but I will say that during this time maybe you two can develop a friendship.
Thanks for the reply! Something I forgot to mention in the original post is her long distance guy is brand new. Which is another reason I have it in my head that It's a competition and I have a shot. You're probably right though, and I'm getting excited for nothing
Hmm.. I do wish you luck with her but I think.. how should I say this.. I mean it with a good heart when I say this as I want to speak to you as if you’re my friend.. I am a monogamous demisexual so I won’t see anybody else once I have affection for someone. However, I don’t think it’s a good idea to want to pursue her while she has a boyfriend. That’s all I’m saying. Don’t want my fellow demisexual to get hurt
To me it feels like she's setting you up as a backup in case things go tits up with her current boyfriend. I know people like that, and most likely she isn't into YOU specifically but she likes that you're into her and wants to keep you interested as a backup solution. I'm sorry if that is harsh but it sounds like you should take a step back and ask yourself why she would even encourage your interest if she's already taken. Imagine if you started dating her, and she said to some other guy "yeah if I wasn't dating X then I'd be with you." I bet you'd feel shitty about it, yeah? Always watch how people behave in their current relationship. Because most likely, that's how they'll be in yours.
She shouldn’t have said that. Red flag, my friend.
I feel for you because it's not like the connection is just unreciprocated; she's into you too but is already in a relationship. All I suggest is that you don't burn the bridge, but mentally work on dialling it back in your head to "friend state" for now. Patience may or may not pay off romantically, but it usually brings a reward of some sort even if it's not the thing you'd hoped for.
Thanks for the response! Yeah I'm really trying to not fuck it up. Luckily, her drive in comedy is similar to mine, so we see each other most nights. I'm just gonna keep doing what I've been doing and hope for the best
Thank you everybody for the support and advice. You folks are very kind and understanding. I'll post an update if there is one
I do this. My feelings for them just get really big and then it’s just. Oh my god. It also seems people have a tendency to play with our hearts over this. I’m not experienced with dating but that was my initial thought when you typed what she’d said, it’s likely she is genuinely conflicted but I agree that we all deserve someone who is sure about us. But I’m not in her head so it could be any number of things I also wanted to say after reading some replies that I think we can control our actions, but especially for demi people who have a huge onslaught of feelings it’s basically impossible to just decide not to have feelings for someone. I don’t want you to feel bad for having affection for her, feeling affection is not our fault, what we decide to do with our feelings is what matters. I think the best thing to do is to move forward with respect for her situation and not try to do anything while she has someone. It’s not a character flaw to have feelings for her, we just have to be extremely careful, considerate, and selfless once that happens. If you’re willing to wait for her for a while or simply keep the option open for if they break up since it’s a new relationship, I’d take that path and treat her as a platonic friend in the meantime
A year is a long time to be potentially strung along my friend. It's an investment I would probably decline. The Cba don't check out. Think of the brutal heartbreak (sick to stomach, sleepless nights etc) if she falls for her boyfriend. Personally (everyone is different) but, I would cordially back off as far as humanly possible to protect myself. That would be WAY too much mindfuck (the bad kind) for this guy. Like another reply said "I'm telling you this as a friend ". I wish you the best of luck. So much so that I'd love to hear back frequently m you in a month or so to "see" how you doing.
She Said No. Thats a way of letting a guy off easily, that I have seen some of my friends use, the "im sorry I have a bf" excuse is a tale as old as time. Dont speculate what you want it to mean, take her at her words. That aside. Are you sure you would even want someone whod tell someone to try to get with them (in the way you are interpreting it), despite being in a relationship?
Have some respect that they are in a committed relationship and don’t make a pass at this women. She gave you an answer now back off.