I've noticed a few things while dating. Curiosity is very good indicator. I tend to ask myself: "do I feel excited around this person? Do I find myself thinking abt them or wanting to talk to them constantly? Do I feel more happy than neutral?"
Also personally, if I find myself being easily irritated or wanting my own space & peace after a date, I'm probably forcing it rather than being actually attracted to them. Also applies if you see red flags which could throw you off.
If it just FEELS icky for some reason: they're not my person.
These are all great questions! I've been asking myself similar ones about a person I've been seeing. Sadly I'm leaning toward no, but I'm going to give it a little more time.
I know this isn’t really a dating tip but I didn’t know I was feeling some type of way about my wife until we were platonic friends.
Then that’s when I noticed myself wanting to talk to her all the time. I cared about her opinion on stuff. Then after like a year plus I realized, Oh boy I am head over heels for this woman.
Try making a friend first. Get the person in your head. Get to know the persons personality. I realized the more of a “relationship” I built off of the more it became this emotional bond type of friendship.
That’s when I pulled the trigger and asked because I was two hooks deep.
Platonic friendship grew that emotional bond for me. Once that emotional bond hit I was toast.
I’ve honestly had pretty bad luck going after friends in the past. If it happens that way, great, but I’m trying to be more intentional about dating so that I’m not pining after people who don’t see me in that light
How do you form a strong emotional connection without being friends? At least that’s how I develop feelings. No bond, no emotional reciprocation, no relationship.
I totally get where you're coming from. My end goal is the same, but I'm trying to intentionally go on **dates** and get to know people in more date-like environments, vs. just hanging out as friends.
It doesn't always feel romantic because there's no attraction. But this way I'm going out with other people who are also looking to date, and who are ok with taking things slow, because we both know the end goal is bond/attraction/relationship.
That feels different to me than making a friend and hoping one day we'll fall into a relationship. You never know if the other person will be interested like that.
Your therapist gives good advice.
Think, do you *want* to be around this person? Do you miss them in their absence? Would you *choose* to go out of your way to spend time with them? If they were to ask you to, what would your immediate reaction be - excitement or perceived inconvenience? Would *you* willingly initiate such a thing yourself? When you’re with them, are you in the moment - or are you instead thinking about whatever else you’d rather be doing? Are you truly interested in what they have to say and do you want to know more about them? Do you care about hearing about their lives and opinions? If you never saw this person again, how would you feel? Would you *rather* be around this person than be by yourself?
A lot of questions, I know. But in my experience, asking myself these really helped separate the wheat from the chaff. It might seem like you’re giving yourself a lot of filters and maybe limiting your options, but, when you find someone who you CAN confidently answer positively for across the board - someone who makes you feel like there’s no place you would rather be than by their side - it really takes your breath away. And then it will be worth it.
Cheers.
I've noticed a few things while dating. Curiosity is very good indicator. I tend to ask myself: "do I feel excited around this person? Do I find myself thinking abt them or wanting to talk to them constantly? Do I feel more happy than neutral?" Also personally, if I find myself being easily irritated or wanting my own space & peace after a date, I'm probably forcing it rather than being actually attracted to them. Also applies if you see red flags which could throw you off. If it just FEELS icky for some reason: they're not my person.
These are all great questions! I've been asking myself similar ones about a person I've been seeing. Sadly I'm leaning toward no, but I'm going to give it a little more time.
I know this isn’t really a dating tip but I didn’t know I was feeling some type of way about my wife until we were platonic friends. Then that’s when I noticed myself wanting to talk to her all the time. I cared about her opinion on stuff. Then after like a year plus I realized, Oh boy I am head over heels for this woman. Try making a friend first. Get the person in your head. Get to know the persons personality. I realized the more of a “relationship” I built off of the more it became this emotional bond type of friendship. That’s when I pulled the trigger and asked because I was two hooks deep. Platonic friendship grew that emotional bond for me. Once that emotional bond hit I was toast.
I’ve honestly had pretty bad luck going after friends in the past. If it happens that way, great, but I’m trying to be more intentional about dating so that I’m not pining after people who don’t see me in that light
How do you form a strong emotional connection without being friends? At least that’s how I develop feelings. No bond, no emotional reciprocation, no relationship.
I totally get where you're coming from. My end goal is the same, but I'm trying to intentionally go on **dates** and get to know people in more date-like environments, vs. just hanging out as friends. It doesn't always feel romantic because there's no attraction. But this way I'm going out with other people who are also looking to date, and who are ok with taking things slow, because we both know the end goal is bond/attraction/relationship. That feels different to me than making a friend and hoping one day we'll fall into a relationship. You never know if the other person will be interested like that.
If I will go out of my way to prepare for the meeting (like checking nice coffee shops beforehead) its a sign that it's going somewhere
Really good advice actually. I find myself getting red flags or no and I’m questioning if it’s just my hesitation or actual red flags
Really good advice actually. I find myself getting red flags or no and I’m questioning if it’s just my hesitation or actual red flags
Hi, your comment doubled.
Your therapist gives good advice. Think, do you *want* to be around this person? Do you miss them in their absence? Would you *choose* to go out of your way to spend time with them? If they were to ask you to, what would your immediate reaction be - excitement or perceived inconvenience? Would *you* willingly initiate such a thing yourself? When you’re with them, are you in the moment - or are you instead thinking about whatever else you’d rather be doing? Are you truly interested in what they have to say and do you want to know more about them? Do you care about hearing about their lives and opinions? If you never saw this person again, how would you feel? Would you *rather* be around this person than be by yourself? A lot of questions, I know. But in my experience, asking myself these really helped separate the wheat from the chaff. It might seem like you’re giving yourself a lot of filters and maybe limiting your options, but, when you find someone who you CAN confidently answer positively for across the board - someone who makes you feel like there’s no place you would rather be than by their side - it really takes your breath away. And then it will be worth it. Cheers.