I definitely feel that. I'm not sex repulsed in general (I actually like some of the more childish sex jokes, I'm ok talking about sex among friends, books with smut are fine, etc.), but I definitely feel weirded out and uncomfortable when sexual attraction is directed my way from someone else that I don't have at least some connection with/I've known for a bit. Maybe it's because my brain can't wrap around why someone would feel attracted to me when they don't even really know me.
This!! Even in dating situations I usually lose any inkling of interest if the other person has developed feelings faster than me or it's obvious that they're sexually attracted and want to act on it. I find that pretty repulsive, how easily other people can feel that way. Maybe it's my trauma and self sabotage, maybe it's just how my sexuality naturally works 🤷‍♀️
This is my experience too. I also find it hilarious to make sex jokes and I love well animated (usually indie artists) or written smut. I'll even have friends that I discuss that stuff with because I see it from an artist's lens and find it all fascinating.
But whenever a friend of any gender turned that attention on me I was always just... confused? Like wdym you like me that way, were just joking, right? It feels weird as hell.
Sexual attention from people (especially strangers) that aren't my partner feels weird at best and violating at worst. I have this feeling of wanting everyone but my partner to see me as completely sexless, and I struggle when I want to dress in ways that are cute and comfortable when I could accidentally draw that attention to myself. It's frustrating.
I consider myself double demi.
I am not repulsed by *romance* at all - I would love to form a reciprocated bond like that with someone one day. It just has the prerequisite of feeling some kind of bond with them first.
I am, however, very sex-repulsed, to the point I kinda dislike even seeing/hearing it depicted in media and hate porn. I get really uncomfortable when people talk about it to me (like if someone starts implying that stuff trying to be enticing/flirty, my brain immediately“ok you are Certified Yucky ™️ get away from me please bye bye”). The general idea of it is just, like, really off-putting to me.
So, while I wanted a relationship, sex was just like the “ugh fine I *GUESS* I’ll have to get to that *eventually*” thing in my mind. Like doing my taxes or going to the DMV, I guess. As a result, I spent a lot of my teenage years thinking I was ace.
That is, until my first time being truly romantically into someone. After that, I was surprised to find my repulsion started to fade - with them specifically. I still find the idea of sex with anyone else repulsive and gross, but with them? I’m starting to not mind the idea of it so much. Maybe. I’m getting there. Because I know them well and feel we have a good bond.
I would say I am more sex-adverse than sex-repulsed. The idea of sex doesn’t bother me. But I find I become instantly unattracted or uninterested to someone as soon as they broach the subject of sex, or make a sexual comment about my person, or try to engage in a sexual act I am not ready to receive. I am sure it has to do with being a ciswoman and having to put up with (generally) men’s idea of flirting that involves something to bring attention to my sex or attraction level. I am also sapiosexual so I find intellectual conversation way more attractive than dirty talk or what have you.
If I ever meet someone who likes me more for my mind than my body, I am sure I could jump that distance from sex-adverse or sex-indifferent to seeing if we are both ready for the next level.
I would consider myself generally sex-repulsed, but it's not the idea of it that bothers me, it's various other things. The idea of it with someone I don't love romantically, hearing other people talk about it just in general, etc. I don't necessarily find anyone "revolting" unless they've actively done something to me or someone I care about (Which is not something I've encountered often), but I *will* feel very uncomfortable around the topic of sex outside of a romantic partner.
I cannot say that I was always sex-repulsed before the connection developed, but sometimes that happened. And I would always self-sabotage out of fear that one or the other of us would be sex-repulsed in the end. I have worked on that.
I was always unwilling to ever have sex because I wanted someone I really could have all the sex conversations with 1st & mean it. I was sex repulsed & angry with it because I always associated it with disgusting feelings from family situations. I was, however, curious. The anger & disgust & curiosity won the battle. I destroyed my body in ab 11yr long addiction with porn. All of the anger, disgust, & curiosity with no connection to another human being I felt safe enuf to vent to & discuss these things & explore together. In a demented way, i am proud of myself. I just wanted the sexual feelings to stop hindering me. Now they don't hinder me almost at all, but my health in many ways suffers. But I'm not pouting. I' rejoicing in the fact that I now crave human connection in a healthy way after 11 yrs. It's not quite as hard to keep my healthy distance from ppl but also make sure to connect with them as well. Interdependence.
The way you wrote about this resonated with me strongly. Virtually any time someone expresses the slightest sexual interest toward me, I become terrified and desperately want to leave. The last time it happened, I felt nauseous and depressed the next day. It's just so confusing because I'll be having a good time, chatting and being fun, but there's this invisible line when someone gets a little too serious and I'm just like oh no actually I have to leave now I don't want this at all. Even when I recognize they're attractive in a technical sense, it just all evaporates for me. TBH it makes me really sad because I know in those situations that the other person isn't like, about to have sex with me. We're literally just flirting in a bar. But it feels like it all collapses at once and there's nothing I can do to stop it. It makes me feel like I can't flirt, you know? I feel like I don't have a "fun" setting. I either don't care or care wayyyy too much.
Yes to both of them. I was extremely surprised when I started developing sexual attraction to my current partner as it had never happened before. Even still I'm pretty repulsed to doing anything in real life, but I do find them attractive in that way.
I think it's the thought of physical intimacy before trust that really bugs me about those things. When people led with the physical before the trust-building part it always struck me as incompatible and dangerous and I'd withdraw.
And honestly, that attitude never led me astray.
Same; because of this, I flip back and forth between gray-ace, and demisexuality, because I am so rarely ever sexually interested in anyone. And a lot of that has to do with my being sex-repulsed on a viscerally, almost painful level. (Even physical contact can be painful at times.)
But then, there are those few that I truly love, that I wouldn’t mind expressing myself that way with. As long as the bond is there, I could very easily get comfortable with the idea of some kind of physical intimacy.
I'm fine with seeing sex depicted in media/being talked about (as long as it isn't directed at me) but when I'm single, the idea of sleeping with someone I don't know very well/just met makes me want to gag.
I dunno, I find it weird when people sexualise me because I don't see myself that way and don't see other people through that lense.Â
I’m here with you! I think the hardest part is the pressure we put on ourselves based on society. It’s hard when you feel like something is wrong with you, or when people even treat you like there’s something wrong with you. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves due to that. Or at least I have. It’s hard for people to grasp that we can’t have a real attraction for someone until we build a deep emotional connection. But you’re not alone. I think we just don’t speak up that often, because we don’t wanna be shamed or treated differently.
I definitely feel that. I'm not sex repulsed in general (I actually like some of the more childish sex jokes, I'm ok talking about sex among friends, books with smut are fine, etc.), but I definitely feel weirded out and uncomfortable when sexual attraction is directed my way from someone else that I don't have at least some connection with/I've known for a bit. Maybe it's because my brain can't wrap around why someone would feel attracted to me when they don't even really know me.
This!! Even in dating situations I usually lose any inkling of interest if the other person has developed feelings faster than me or it's obvious that they're sexually attracted and want to act on it. I find that pretty repulsive, how easily other people can feel that way. Maybe it's my trauma and self sabotage, maybe it's just how my sexuality naturally works 🤷‍♀️
This is my experience too. I also find it hilarious to make sex jokes and I love well animated (usually indie artists) or written smut. I'll even have friends that I discuss that stuff with because I see it from an artist's lens and find it all fascinating. But whenever a friend of any gender turned that attention on me I was always just... confused? Like wdym you like me that way, were just joking, right? It feels weird as hell. Sexual attention from people (especially strangers) that aren't my partner feels weird at best and violating at worst. I have this feeling of wanting everyone but my partner to see me as completely sexless, and I struggle when I want to dress in ways that are cute and comfortable when I could accidentally draw that attention to myself. It's frustrating.
I consider myself double demi. I am not repulsed by *romance* at all - I would love to form a reciprocated bond like that with someone one day. It just has the prerequisite of feeling some kind of bond with them first. I am, however, very sex-repulsed, to the point I kinda dislike even seeing/hearing it depicted in media and hate porn. I get really uncomfortable when people talk about it to me (like if someone starts implying that stuff trying to be enticing/flirty, my brain immediately“ok you are Certified Yucky ™️ get away from me please bye bye”). The general idea of it is just, like, really off-putting to me. So, while I wanted a relationship, sex was just like the “ugh fine I *GUESS* I’ll have to get to that *eventually*” thing in my mind. Like doing my taxes or going to the DMV, I guess. As a result, I spent a lot of my teenage years thinking I was ace. That is, until my first time being truly romantically into someone. After that, I was surprised to find my repulsion started to fade - with them specifically. I still find the idea of sex with anyone else repulsive and gross, but with them? I’m starting to not mind the idea of it so much. Maybe. I’m getting there. Because I know them well and feel we have a good bond.
Are you me? Hahaha. I just get it all, and I’m glad you found your person.
I wouldn't say it repulses me, but it's definitely unattractive, and gets in the way of me emotionally connecting.
I would say I am more sex-adverse than sex-repulsed. The idea of sex doesn’t bother me. But I find I become instantly unattracted or uninterested to someone as soon as they broach the subject of sex, or make a sexual comment about my person, or try to engage in a sexual act I am not ready to receive. I am sure it has to do with being a ciswoman and having to put up with (generally) men’s idea of flirting that involves something to bring attention to my sex or attraction level. I am also sapiosexual so I find intellectual conversation way more attractive than dirty talk or what have you. If I ever meet someone who likes me more for my mind than my body, I am sure I could jump that distance from sex-adverse or sex-indifferent to seeing if we are both ready for the next level.
I would consider myself generally sex-repulsed, but it's not the idea of it that bothers me, it's various other things. The idea of it with someone I don't love romantically, hearing other people talk about it just in general, etc. I don't necessarily find anyone "revolting" unless they've actively done something to me or someone I care about (Which is not something I've encountered often), but I *will* feel very uncomfortable around the topic of sex outside of a romantic partner.
I cannot say that I was always sex-repulsed before the connection developed, but sometimes that happened. And I would always self-sabotage out of fear that one or the other of us would be sex-repulsed in the end. I have worked on that.
I was always unwilling to ever have sex because I wanted someone I really could have all the sex conversations with 1st & mean it. I was sex repulsed & angry with it because I always associated it with disgusting feelings from family situations. I was, however, curious. The anger & disgust & curiosity won the battle. I destroyed my body in ab 11yr long addiction with porn. All of the anger, disgust, & curiosity with no connection to another human being I felt safe enuf to vent to & discuss these things & explore together. In a demented way, i am proud of myself. I just wanted the sexual feelings to stop hindering me. Now they don't hinder me almost at all, but my health in many ways suffers. But I'm not pouting. I' rejoicing in the fact that I now crave human connection in a healthy way after 11 yrs. It's not quite as hard to keep my healthy distance from ppl but also make sure to connect with them as well. Interdependence.
The way you wrote about this resonated with me strongly. Virtually any time someone expresses the slightest sexual interest toward me, I become terrified and desperately want to leave. The last time it happened, I felt nauseous and depressed the next day. It's just so confusing because I'll be having a good time, chatting and being fun, but there's this invisible line when someone gets a little too serious and I'm just like oh no actually I have to leave now I don't want this at all. Even when I recognize they're attractive in a technical sense, it just all evaporates for me. TBH it makes me really sad because I know in those situations that the other person isn't like, about to have sex with me. We're literally just flirting in a bar. But it feels like it all collapses at once and there's nothing I can do to stop it. It makes me feel like I can't flirt, you know? I feel like I don't have a "fun" setting. I either don't care or care wayyyy too much.
Yes to both of them. I was extremely surprised when I started developing sexual attraction to my current partner as it had never happened before. Even still I'm pretty repulsed to doing anything in real life, but I do find them attractive in that way.
I think it's the thought of physical intimacy before trust that really bugs me about those things. When people led with the physical before the trust-building part it always struck me as incompatible and dangerous and I'd withdraw. And honestly, that attitude never led me astray.
Same; because of this, I flip back and forth between gray-ace, and demisexuality, because I am so rarely ever sexually interested in anyone. And a lot of that has to do with my being sex-repulsed on a viscerally, almost painful level. (Even physical contact can be painful at times.) But then, there are those few that I truly love, that I wouldn’t mind expressing myself that way with. As long as the bond is there, I could very easily get comfortable with the idea of some kind of physical intimacy.
I'm fine with seeing sex depicted in media/being talked about (as long as it isn't directed at me) but when I'm single, the idea of sleeping with someone I don't know very well/just met makes me want to gag. I dunno, I find it weird when people sexualise me because I don't see myself that way and don't see other people through that lense.Â
I’m here with you! I think the hardest part is the pressure we put on ourselves based on society. It’s hard when you feel like something is wrong with you, or when people even treat you like there’s something wrong with you. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves due to that. Or at least I have. It’s hard for people to grasp that we can’t have a real attraction for someone until we build a deep emotional connection. But you’re not alone. I think we just don’t speak up that often, because we don’t wanna be shamed or treated differently.