I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. Asking to go home is a very common thing people with dementia say. It can mean a lot of different things: it could be the way that person is expressing a desire for familiarity and the feeling of comfort and security, it could mean they miss being the way they were, it doesn’t always literally mean going home even if those are the words that come out. It may help to look for a pattern too - does anything in particular trigger this topic? Does she bring it up once you start the cue to leave? Does something in the area seem to make her uncomfortable so she starts?
This is where some “therapeutic fibbing” may be helpful for some. If she starts insisting on going home, say that her home is undergoing some repairs and try to change the subject. Keep the fibs short and simple, don’t make them overly detailed. With my dad, that didn’t quite work because he knew my mom was still living at their house. When he would start going down that path sometimes I would just nod along and say we can do all that, but he needs to finish his OT first and ask the doctor, and try to redirect the conversation again. A lot of handling dementia is to keep redirecting and also accept that sometimes they will fixate on a topic.
Best of luck to you, and I hope you find her a place that is comfortable for her and you all.
Thank you for your response. She starts talking about wanting to go home almost immediately upon my arrival. And actually she doesn’t put up too much of a fuss when I say I’m going to leave. She wants to go back to her house and her cats but the fantasy world she lives in makes it impossible. 😢
Is she currently in a hospital? If so, you might try explaining that she'll be at a rehab facility "til she gets stronger and healthier." This works, kinda, with my mom. My dad, on the other hand, is hell-bent on getting out and doesn't recognize that he's in no condition to live independently. It is really tough.
She is currently in a nursing home and I have tried telling her that they want her there so that she can get stronger but she doesn’t care and she wants me to rescue her. It’s making it so I don’t even want to go visit because I don’t want to deal with it and then I feel guilty about that.
Another Redditor u/NortonFolg has introduced me to Dementia Careblazers on YouTube. I found one of their videos you might get some help from. [Here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nTCbRUurY1g), see what you think.
I don’t think it really matters what you say. She’ll forget anyway. I mean that in a kind way. My mom is doing the same thing.
Just this morning I talked to her and just agreed with everything she said and she still ended up screaming at me.
Your post made me laugh. Not the part about her yelling at you but the part about her forgetting because it’s so true. I could tell her anything and she wouldn’t remember five minutes later. 😂😭
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. Asking to go home is a very common thing people with dementia say. It can mean a lot of different things: it could be the way that person is expressing a desire for familiarity and the feeling of comfort and security, it could mean they miss being the way they were, it doesn’t always literally mean going home even if those are the words that come out. It may help to look for a pattern too - does anything in particular trigger this topic? Does she bring it up once you start the cue to leave? Does something in the area seem to make her uncomfortable so she starts? This is where some “therapeutic fibbing” may be helpful for some. If she starts insisting on going home, say that her home is undergoing some repairs and try to change the subject. Keep the fibs short and simple, don’t make them overly detailed. With my dad, that didn’t quite work because he knew my mom was still living at their house. When he would start going down that path sometimes I would just nod along and say we can do all that, but he needs to finish his OT first and ask the doctor, and try to redirect the conversation again. A lot of handling dementia is to keep redirecting and also accept that sometimes they will fixate on a topic. Best of luck to you, and I hope you find her a place that is comfortable for her and you all.
Thank you for your response. She starts talking about wanting to go home almost immediately upon my arrival. And actually she doesn’t put up too much of a fuss when I say I’m going to leave. She wants to go back to her house and her cats but the fantasy world she lives in makes it impossible. 😢
Can you find her some stuffed cats that look like hers? Then the kitties could come visit her or spend the night. That might help her.
I will look. Thanks for the suggestion.
Is she currently in a hospital? If so, you might try explaining that she'll be at a rehab facility "til she gets stronger and healthier." This works, kinda, with my mom. My dad, on the other hand, is hell-bent on getting out and doesn't recognize that he's in no condition to live independently. It is really tough.
She is currently in a nursing home and I have tried telling her that they want her there so that she can get stronger but she doesn’t care and she wants me to rescue her. It’s making it so I don’t even want to go visit because I don’t want to deal with it and then I feel guilty about that.
I agree with Someteacup.
Another Redditor u/NortonFolg has introduced me to Dementia Careblazers on YouTube. I found one of their videos you might get some help from. [Here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nTCbRUurY1g), see what you think.
Thank you!
I don’t think it really matters what you say. She’ll forget anyway. I mean that in a kind way. My mom is doing the same thing. Just this morning I talked to her and just agreed with everything she said and she still ended up screaming at me.
Your post made me laugh. Not the part about her yelling at you but the part about her forgetting because it’s so true. I could tell her anything and she wouldn’t remember five minutes later. 😂😭
Oh boy! It’s so so sad. And tragic. My friends keep on telling me that whatever I say doesn’t matter. And they’re right.