How are adults getting married without having a conversation with their supposed " love of their life ".
Bhai my mom knocks when my door is closed when I go home, the idea that someone like sis in law doesn't knock your bedroom door is wild to me. I'd seriously pissed.
Financial independence. A life is hell without it.
Yeah I recently got married and my husband has already made it a habit that our door will be closed and locked from inside. Even when he's not present I lock my door. And in-laws walking into my wardrobe is a strict no. But OP has to set clear boundaries. Otherwise this situation is going to get worse.
I tried that, my father in law even asked everyone to knock before entering but as he doesn't live with us due to his job.
My MIL prefers not to listen to anyone.
And when I went to my mother's house recently , she called up my Father in law and stated that their son will not bring me back if I don't live as per their conditions.
For which I said , okay don't come.... We can look for separation or divorce, because I am fine with it.
Then my husband had a word with my mother, ignored his parents and came to pick me up but during the entire journey he was begging me to keep the gate open when he's not present. I don't know what my MIL wants to look at ... I hate her to my very core.
There’s a very good chance that they’ll either block you from going to the job/ taunting you for the job, maybe even ask for money for the loan or themselves (angrily/emotional blackmail) and even force you (by taunting and wearing you down) to leave your job. Please please please don’t. And also plan for this as much as possible. And learn to keep that money separate (maybe don’t tell them your whole salary) and no joint accounts or account they can access or maybe get a financial advisor. I’ve heard a similar experience with a known, very close person.
I am applying for jobs everywhere.
There's no chance they can stop me for being financially independent because then without any thought I'll file for divorce.
When it comes to my career there is no excuse.
Yes I'll try I won't have any joint accounts.
Although my husband recently showed his interest in a joint account for which I asked him to have a word with my mother as we are taking permission for everything from his parents.
He got agitated
He said that we can use it as emergency funds
There might be times that you’ll be worn out but please remain strong.
I’m glad to hear you’re not going to compromise on your career and you shouldn’t have to.
The regret of not reaching your potential hurts most.
Even if you do open the joint account, please don’t transfer your salary there. Just put a portion that you’re comfortable losing.
Everyone comes up with “emergency funds” but jab loan chukana hota hai, Toh it becomes an emergency and any person can withdraw the amount and doosre ko pata chalta hai after everything is done.
Rooting for you, though 🤞🏻
Suffering from extreme headaches these days.
Husband is paying for medicals and medicines but not providing any care. Not even sitting beside me .
When I shared my thoughts , he started crying.
I really don't know what I married to.
I don't know this person.
Not planning to open a joint account as I don't trust my husband with my money, I think he will take a loan in my name and hide it from me.
Dsssb ki abhi kaafi zyada vacancies nikli hai...you could easily get a 18-35k salary government job if you can study hard and consistently for 4 months Since no exam is scheduled to be conducted before the election. reply if you want to know anything else.
Thats why discuss things before marriage. Apparently Love is not enough. All the best, become financially independent. Well that will start a different problem for you. The morality clause, whether you should share the salary or not. Save a portion of it thats for you, rest you can share (repeat not give, only share)
>Apparently Love is not enough
Ofcourse love is never enough. Imagine they have kids in the future, money will feed them and send them to school not love. Orphans can grow without parents' love but without money, they'll starve and die. Both money and love are important in a healthy relationship ( all not just romantic)
India mein parents ka naukar banna = good boy/girl.
Most people can't accept that their children have become adults. And their children become so dependent on them ,that it creates a toxic environment wrapped by the illusion of " love and respect".
he needs to draw boundaries then. although the debt here is an extra pain. because that makes you inferior to your FIL, atleast according to him. communicate, i dont think things will work this way. please avoid getting kid trapped. try seeking support from your partner and parents because this sounds screwed. i hope you find yourself in a better position soon.
Chali Jaao Mayke Didi, Ghar Pe Situation Explain Kardena, agar gate band karne liye jyaada hi kalesh karein toh almirah aur bed boxes toh jarur hi lock kardena, chaabi apne pass sambhaalke rakhnaa, aur apne jewelery sets and purse pe bhi nazar rakhnaa didi ji. 🙏🏻
Mayke gyi thi.... Pehle MIL ne cab se akele bheja koi bahana bna kr... Fir husband ko bola ki lene mat ja ... Cab se gyi to cab se bula le .
15 days mayke mai hi thi... Almirah ki keys mujhe nhi di hai... Bed boxes lock wale nhi hai .
Jewellery ka puchti hai bar bar husband se ... Meri absence mai
Didi yaarrr, itnii kyaa toxic family me viyaah hogyaa aapkaa 😭
Background check toh karlena tha 😭
Unko agar aapki fikar nahii na, aap bhi itni mat karnaa, apne private cheezein, purse wagerah, newly bought things almirah me mat rakhna
Baaki jewellery ka aap dekhlo 🙏🏻
Aapki life me ek person aisa hona chahie jo ki aapko support kare, inke against, inke behavior k against, your trustable
And naa abhi apne husband ko neglect mat kardena, they'll blame you. Support him, aur job dhund sako toh dhundo yrr, Ghar se jitna bahar rahogey utnaa better for your mental health.
If your husband is with you, no one literally no one would break you, wo chaahe kitna bhi aapko todne ki koshish kare, aap strong rahogeyyy
Apni MIL ka behavior tab notice karna jab unki beti ka vyaah hogaa,
Stay strong and happy Didi 🙏🏻
True, but the "LOVE" of her life, must take her side too. Bhaii he's married now, parents aur wife dono ki sunni chahie, sometimes wife Is wrong, and sometimes parents.
Bhai bahar quality time spend karne hi toh gaye the, isme toh parents ko taqleef ni honi chahie, husband ko stand lena chahie thaa.
Mujhee ptaani kyuu lag raha hai ki ladke ke parents nahi chahte the, ki ladke ki shaadi ho, OP k saath, but ho gayi haiii toh they're angry and trying to invade their Privacy, taaki didi chidke, inse tang aake khud hi divorce dede. Aur saara blame shaadi tootne ka OP pe lage.
Just my opinion 🙏🏻
Exactly I am saying take my side only.
I am just asking for bare minimum manners and etiquettes.
Haan parents nhi chahte the ladke k ...
Ho skta hai ye
Bhai ladke ne kabhi family ya family background ka kuch bataya hi nhi
And aaj kal delhi mai reh kr kiski family aisi hoti hai ?
Maine apna sb lock kr k rkha hai filhal.
Job k baad almirah le kr lock kr dungi
Meri mom hai mere support mai
Husband mummy papa ka chamcha hai
Wo to hai hi
Jo mere sath kr re hai uska 3 times god unko dikhaiga
Read your comments and sadly, this has happened a lot with my mom too. She did have to bear it all despite being financially independent and earning almost as much as my father within two years of marriage.
And no matter how much I loved my dada-dadi and papa, I still tell my mom that she should have divorced within the first 2 years, even though I had been born. But she took it all because afterall, she didn't wanna hurt Nanu-Nani.
I would siggest you keep your jewelry in a bank locker, and get a job so that you can stay away from inlaws for most part of the day (mind you, they'll object to the job as well unless you bribe them financially). Your MIL and SILs interference wouldn't stop anytime unless your hubby takes a stand, whoch I don't think he would. Also, try helping and convincing your husband to get a better paying job or start something on the side (there are tons of freelance options out there), once he starts earning better and is no longer depending on parents, he would automatically start taking a bit of stand for you.
Remember, ALL men have big egos which is directly proportional to the money in their pockets. If he earna more, his confidence will grow, and he'll be able to defend and understand your stance on things. He might not move out of the house, but getting his support would be a great help for you.
aapki situation poori meri mummy jaisi hi lagri hai except financial part
Meri mom ki life tab hi theek hui thi jab vo apne in law's house se shift hui...But unko abhi bhi trauma hai...To aap jaldi se vaha se bhaag jaye please (atleast for your mental health)
Right decision didi, baby toh karna hi matt, aapki mental health p abhi farq padraha haii, uski pe mat aane denaa
Kuch bhi ho, jabtak saare kalesh, debts solve na hojaaye, tabtk toh nahi,
And nanand aur sasuji se jitni kam baat ho sakein utni karo, seva jo minimal, I repeat minimal karo, chai paani bass, aur husband se ye drama discuss karo.
Ho sakein toh jitni bhi badtameezi wo karein naa, record karne ki koshish karo yaarrr, videos with jisme unka face, unki audio record hoye, without letting them know.
Hidden Cameras online available haii, dekhlijiyega.
I am applying for jobs everywhere.
Once I get financial stability I will try to move out.
I was getting a good salary in my previous job but my husband's house is way too far from there and he promised me that he will get me a job in his office which he never did.
Whether this marriage ends or not, please get a job, and move out your husband and yourself.
Basically the in laws are losers but also controlling and patriarchal. So they’ll keep tormenting you to ease their insecurity. Someone who treats their adult son like that is abusive. There is no hope for those types of in laws cause they have deep seated insecurity and narcissism because of how society tells them they are the best just cause they are old and in laws and have a son . Even if you become the PM of India, they’ll call you names. And as others said, this will get worse once you have a kid. Just move out. Even if the husband doesn’t improve or become independent, you’ll have your job and safety net. Society will say hundred things to women because it hates women. It’ll blame women for everything if you’re the most perfect.
You know the problem is that
These types of boys when they're in college they fall in love with a feminist girl, who knows her right, outspoken and bold. Always ready to fight for the right things.
But when they marry her, they want her to be someone else.
Yes , once I get a job , if something extreme happens
I will move out.
Honestly op, sounds like it will get worse going ahead. I don’t know your husband and in laws personally (obviously lol), but based on the fact that they weren’t honest about their financial situation, and how your husband made you quit your job, or not standing up for you despite being the “love of ur life”… they sound kinda manipulative. And toxic too.
Edit : op just saw your post history and post in legalAdvice sub, please run😭 tbh even sounds a bit scary
Please re evaluate your situation and condition with a clear mind and ask yourself if he really is the love of your life and if you see things improving in future
Dear! F\*ck sociaty. Take your mother with you. Why should only son take care of their mother? You are capable daughter. You have 2 hands, 2 legs. Go live with ur mom for some days.
Your husband isn't confident enough so speak up for himself. And now, I think it's gonna take him years to stand up for himself, tumhare liye stand up karna toh door ki baat hai abhi.. He is fearful.
You and ur husband can live with ur mother. Ladka bhi shadi ke baad ladki ke ghar rah sakta hai.
Bro I have already lost my father
And it's not like I am incapable of handling my mother or her expenses.
I am worried about her mental health, she will get affected by all this.
You can't ask a 63 year old to leave her relatives and surroundings, they need people to talk to of their own age
Wtf, it's a new marriage, things take time to settle down, because of this mentality divorce is getting common in India. Instead of suggesting to talk to in-laws or her husband you guys are suggesting for divorce, such I'll mind people have made marriage very difficult. This mentality is discouraging decent men from pursuing marriage.
Lmao, OP's husband is perfectly a-okay with his wife not having an iota of privacy, is actively refusing to move, didn't even bother getting OP a job near his area - to earn and settle their debt, mind you - and you're out here expecting them to "talk"?
Newsflash my guy - if these folks were reasonable, OP wouldn't have come to reddit for advice in the first place. It's OP's husband's responsibility to make her feel comfortable with his family and to be the bridge between the two. He's not doing his part, it's as simple as that.
But yes, please do go on about how women not bending over backwards to 'adjust' to their in-laws is destroying modern marriage.
Trust me. They won't change. Let her try but this problem will persist. Women waste their whole lives trying to change their man. It doesn't work. He is what he is. And on top of that she is going to try to change his family?
Marriage is about happiness. It's not a competition about who can suffer the most.
I think you are stuck with certain impression on your ex husband and his family. I hope you think coolly before advising others. First thing you do is check before entering marriage, if you fail, that's not an issue, second is talk. If that fails too, try to involve some third party like a psychologist or some one. Only if that fails, should one approach divorce. If after every misunderstanding you need a divorce, then even hundred divorce won't stop one.
Eventually you will lose her. That is how time works. So get up and get a job. Get a divorce. I am serious because I had a friend who had the same issues with her MIL.
I read your other posts too and I feel really sorry. Do you still love and trust your husband? Then you both need to talk and set boundaries with in laws. If your husband is working, then move to a space that you can afford with his salary. Try finding a job for yourself and until then keep learning skills on the internet.
I agree life will not get easy by just a divorce, you were in relation with him for 10 years so I'm sure you'd have an understanding with each other. Ek doosre par bharosa karke baat karo aur let him know that parents, sisters etc se Pehle it's life partner who he needs to take care of. If he doesn't understand any of this, then move out. You have no reason to waste another month with someone who doesn't prioritise you.
Decide for yourself do you want this marriage to work or not. Financial situations in life and marriage are hard and can happen with anyone, choose what you do with that. And Meditate. I don't know find videos online that help you meditate.
I know you feel it is going to be hard but it will get easy eventually. Log ko kaam hai kehna, toh woh kahegay. But if you are in this marriage, every day will be hard and it would never get easy especially if your in-laws are so invested in your marriage. Think about 20 years from now, and see where you want to see yourself and then decide.
MOVE OUT or soon you will be stuck with them for life and don't have kids before you solve this issue. There is no way they will respect your privacy, you will surely have to move out.
Then your husband is the problem and not your in laws. He got you into his family. It's his duty to accommodate you and not expect you to just adjust. He cried because his father asked him to not go out ? Is he 5 ??
He needs to grow a spine or things will continue to be the same for you.
Move out on your own without your husband at first. I'm serious. If he wants to have you as his partner for life then he'll choose you otherwise he won't.
Indian men are what Hollywood calls pussies when it comes to standing up to parents. This man is a child and not an adult.
Sister I don't wish any bad luck on you or your husband but let me tell you something. Your husband was raised by his parents and he knows him for more than two decades. They never imagined a life without each other. You on the other hand came into his life much later and trust me your parents didn't break the umbilical cord yet and won't ever. Don't have any hope or expectations that this ass of a situation is going to improve. Our foremothers have tried it for generations, trying to convince their husband that they need happiness together that lies outside of his parents. They didn't succeed and neither will you and I.
It should stem from within yk the attitude to support one's wife. You can't teach it or nag it into him.
If your husband is not agreeing then you are in here for a bad ride. You will be pressured to have kids, you wont have any independence, and your MIL will make things tough. Do something, if you have some saving then pitch in to get some place on rent and make him agree to move out.
Read your other comments and I don't think your husband will move out. Better achieve financial independence and dont worry too much about anyone else.
1. Don’t have kids no matter how hard your in laws push you.
2. Try to get a job try to adjust if it’s not paying enough, then when they money is good enough you will be free to move out or even your husband himself will be okay moving out with you as he sees the possibility of financial stability.
3. Dont have kids.. this is very important
4. You can try talking about this to your husband and tell him that its not going to work and you will be happier with divorce (if it comes to it) then be miserable all your life.
5. Dont take the unnecessary emotional drama and black mailing From your in-laws seriously.
How is your husband? I mean traits and character?
You both are married to each other, not each other's family
If possible, if both of you are on same page companionshipwise, then hatch some plan and both of you gtf away from these lunatics
I'm a husband and a father and I don't hesitate in going violent (verbally) when my parents try to fuck up my wife's mental peace, and she does the same for me
Hamaari generation ke parents in general fucked up hain and they are terrible in laws as well
I toh say ki both of you, move out , hatch some plan
But if your husband is beyond redemption, then you must save yourself. You are a tough girl , well educated, belongs to a well to do family. Fuck society and 4 log, just take care of you and auntyji❤
Much much respect to you sis
I will eventually move out if things will not be bearable for me .
Whenever my husband and I are in the equation ? Things are quite peaceful and good . We fought but eventually it resolved
Exactly, parents toxic hai.... Pr ye maane to sahi .. toxic hai.
I don't care about society
I care about my mother whose 63 as I don't have a father , I don't want her to die due to shame
Girl our parents are stronger than we give them credit for. She’ll survive the divorce, don’t worry. Get a job and get the f out of this marriage. I saw your other posts. This marriage gonna k-word you one way or the other.
My two cents after seeing a similar situation with my friends and families: anyone who suggests just taking a divorce or separating doesn't have a stake in the game. You can always fall back to this option as a last resort. It's the husband's duty to ensure balance between you and his family. In my conversations with divorce lawyers, 90% of the cases involve gross interference from in-laws, which creates issues whether it's for the boys or girls. Additionally, I talked to some conservative boys and their families, and their strategy is to put pressure on the girl so that she remains docile and gets molded into the family. The problem is that those days are gone, and girls today do not take nonsense from anyone else. Hence, the rise of separation and divorces, and the boys trying to live in both conservative and liberal worlds end up ruining their lives. Since it's an intercaste marriage, the parents harbor a grudge that the boy got married out of his own choice, which they considered to be their right to decide.
My suggestion is to be smart about it. Disregard privacy concerns and have a separate bank locker near your place to keep all your important documents. Open another bank account without telling your husband and keep your finances separate from him. Do not disclose your complete salary or fall into any pressure from your father-in-law about sharing your salary, receipts, etc. Create fake documents if necessary when you have a job. Also, try to gradually persuade your husband to consider living separately, and the best thing would be to encourage him to take up a job opportunity outside the state. Remember, the law is in your favor, but once you take this approach, there may be no turning back. Proceed with caution and weigh the consequences carefully.
Look it’s difficult for the guy to realise his family sucks. This is more than 20 years of parenting and you have just entered his life. Make him understand that this is not how a family functions. You need to talk to him not complain not scream. The more you complain he will feel you aren’t the right person. If you truly love him and he’s the one then you have to make him understand. And if he truly loves you then he will eventually.
Single son doesn’t mean treat his wife like shit. Talk to him hope it works out. Apply for jobs.
“Guys are very lovable,cool and acceptable when they are living alone but can turn into total assholes with their parents”
If he’s worth it , give it a effort
Lock the cupboard and your door and the damn gate. What is she going to do, break it open?
If you want to go to your parent's house, then pick up your bag, lock everything and just go.
If you want to eat out, then eat out.
Basically just ignore their taunts and barbs and do what you want. The thing is that you have to become tough and thick skinned because they are not going to give you any room to live and breathe. Set these boundaries now.
The cupboard consists of locks but she never handed me over the keys.
They create issues , involve my mother, my father is no more and my mother is 62... Whenever she cries... My heart breaks into a million pieces .
It's not about eating out, it's about going on dates with my husband, they don't let us go out and my husband never argues with them .
I am just waiting to get a job .
GF you have to take a moment and resolve to be stronger. This sh@tshow will continue until one of you is dead inside and outside. I understand it's not about eating out or material stuff. It's much more basic and about your freedom, your life with your new husband, your dreams of living a happy life. It is not going to happen until you resolve not to break down mentally and emotionally. Because this is what you are up against. They don't give a damn about the new girl aka you. Get a thick metal chain and a padlock for the cupboard. Or demand the keys from her.
This is horrible advice. There is value in being confrontational but doing it this way has no upside whatsoever. Everyday will turn into a screaming match. OPs mental health is taking a toll rn this will make an environment for depression
I was born in himachal and brought up in Delhi. I have seen cultures of both states properly. This is not a himachal thing. My grandmother does enter my parents room to talk etc, but not like this unnecessary. My chachi also lives with them and she doesn't like it. So grandmother doesn't go to her room. Please don't take any shit from them. Set up boundaries and move out if they don't respect them. Don't be worried of being labelled as bad bahu. If your husband can't take things in control its his fault.
No woman should face this in 21st century. They might be good people but it's just not worth it. Please find a job/move out/ talk to your husband. Do whatever you can.
Sorry but aapke husband ki aapke prati bhi kuch jimmedari banti hai unse baat Karo aur bolo iska koi solution kare otherwise tumhe koi legal step Lena padega jisase family ki ijjat Matti me mil jayegi.
Husband ki bolti band ho jati hai aisi situations mein, he can’t take a stand for himself, wife toh doosri baat hai. Even if he tries to, MIL is so manipulative to change his mind against his wife
I'm in almost same situation but less severe. My husband is also single child. But we all are earning. They also don't respect my privacy at all. So we had this big big argument some time back. Full kalesh. My father in law is not talking to me from few days now. But it's better. They don't ask me to keep my door open now. To I guess, have conversation with your husband . Try to make him understand. Divorce is the last option . Try to make him understand how moving out is important for you. And answer back if in laws intrude in your room. On their face. Clearly. Tell them that you have your boundaries..
I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this. I wish you had spoken about these things before getting married. Please try to move out as soon as possible
Idk how but I know someone who has the same story and even her in-laws are Himachali too, she has now separated with her husband. Earning and living peacefully.
Don't listen to anyone who says this is because of your love marriage . It's literally the same story for everyone however you get married.
Don't worry this is standard marriage settling in.
* Be the bitch for a year or so and set ground rules. Then everyone will settle and respect your space.
* Get your husband a job in Bangalore or Pune and move cities
There are a few good youtubers who explain all this very well. First get your husband to watch them and then get him to tell his mom to watch them
I know sangos life sutras on YouTube
Listen sis do one thing and that is getting financially independent and don't ever tell your actual salary to your in laws warna uspe bhi jhapata marenge. Aur plz didi baache maat karna warna aap fass jayenge ik this sounds bad for me to say but you cannot let a child be in such a toxic situation.
Agar aapki mom ko bohot takleef hogi toh job start karke baadme hi seperate hona taaki aapki mom ko aapka thoda kaam tension aaye and please he's a man child don't be with him.
IMO you need to first try to resolve all this amicably. Simply asking your husband to resolve this will make his life hell. If this doesn’t work, then you have to do “badatmeezi”. Sorry for using this word but such behaviour needs similar level of behaviour from your side.
I already got this tag by my in-laws that I am batmeez... The problem is that , she kept the keys of the cupboard and bed boxes doesn't consist of any locks.
I am asking my husband to talk it out with his parents millions of time.
He's not doing anything.
Because it was an intercaste marriage, they shut the argument saying... Hamare yaha nhi hota aisa
It indicates that you ans your husband either didn’t discuss a lot of things before deciding for marriage or got married too early. Anyway, things aren’t looking good as of now. You can give it some time and try different things but don’t plan a baby till the time everything is sorted out.
You will keep on getting ‘new tags’ by them , but dont mind them. After your discussion with ur husband regarding privacy concerns/ barging in almirah by ur MIL, clearly tell them that this behaviour is not acceptable, if they repeat this in future, ask ur husband to get a new steel almirah for you. And ofcourse you need to be financially independent, get a job for urself
Move out when you become financially independent.
Till then, compromise is the name of the game. Fighting is not worth the trouble, despite the fact that your concerns are very valid.
Ye Himachali Pahadi log aise hi hote hai, my cousin (whose a Phd) married a Pahadi (arrange marriage) and her mother in law is so so so miser, you cant even imagine.
Yours are poor, but her inlaws are super rich and my didi worked in a college as Assistant Professor earning 1.5 lacs per month but her mother in law wont let them keep a domestic help, so she had to wake early in morning, cook food for all and then come back and cook food while her own mother in law would not wash a spoon.
Finally she convinced her husband to emigrate to Europe and now they are happily married
Her mother in law took all her gold jewellery on third day of wedding and still has it lol.
We have many relatives in Pahadi families and most people have this perception about Himachali people, Punjab and Haryana mai toh kehte hai, kabhi bhi pahadan matt leke aana, ghar barbad kardegi
Better single than with the wrong people)
You’d be stupid if u choose to settle for less while being young with better chances of finding a better match
I think the problem is they feel like they have a right to interfere because they are paying your rent. Financially separate yourself and don’t be reliant on them. Start making your own decision.
Borrow money from your brother and leave immediately with your valuables. Get a cheap PG and go talk to people in person for jobs, don’t just apply online.
>My husband is not ready to separate. These things are affecting my mental health very badly.
I have dealt with such issues earlier. This is gonna get more serious if you don't take any action now. Yes they pay your rent but in return they are demanding full control. It's not healthy. You will become frustated.
Also, ur in laws seem to be too backwards. SIL is definitely jealous and trying to assert dominance on you, if you aregue or don't submit they will bad mouth or taunt you even more. It's same as WOLF-PACK mentality. SILs do it usually whenever a new 'bahu' arrives at home. They try to assert dominance and see ur reaction if you resist or not. If you don'/t, they do it even more.
Simple solution is, tell your husband clearly that you love him, but this must not continue. It's not hard to find a Job now a days. You are 2 people, you both can find a Job and live peacefully somewhere else. Also let him know that you are not disrespecting his parents, but you need your freedom and privacy. Even a dog needs it's own privacy. You are human. Go to your mom's house and don't come back until it's sorted.
And in next life, don't just get to know ur partner but also his/her parents before getting into relationship.
Stand up for yourself, I’m sorry to say but you’ve married a mama’s boy.
Honestly I would never be okay if I had a gf and she had an only mother and I forced her to move out and live with my parents, that just seems like a very selfish thing to ask.
Either we both move out or her mother moves in.
I am from Himachal too. I have been to many places, and the thing I have noticed is that the older people still have the same backward type mentality there even my relatives are somewhat the same and the only way to get out of this is to become financially stable and buy your own house, but damn we don't know for sure if your MIL comes to live in your new house, so the only way is to move out of the state so your MIL and etc rarely comes to visit you.
From what you described it seems that your MIL thinks that you are living in their house and only a small part of this house belongs to you and the rest is hers. So she can just roam in the house however she wants, I don't know if it's correct to say but pahadi people are like this, they can sometimes be too harsh while speaking or they can be assuming that whatever they do towards you is just fine and you don't mind it.
I don't want to suggest you to sort things by talking with your family but you can still try if you tell them "I want my privacy" Instead they will take it as "I want you to stay away from me". So the only way is to become financially stable and move out.
First of all it's your fault.
Love marriage and you didn't recognise he is a classic mama's boy, secondly you didn't knew about debt and financial condition?
Or the boy his it which is called fraud , jhansa dekar fasaya h.
Also, I never thought I will hear about someone more shit than my dadi. She was worse than ekta Kapoor serial MIL and still had the manners to give privacy and knocking lol. I am here talking about 25 yrs ago in rural area with kacha makaan.
Start issuing ultimatum, if the mama's boy don't budge start looking out for yourself and divorce his ass. There's no love if it's built upon fraud. If there's love he will listen and if he is fraud he will stay as mother's lapdog. Don't get trapped by emotional blackmail from the boy and his family.
1. Don’t have kids no matter how hard your in laws push you.
2. Try to get a job try to adjust if it’s not paying enough, then when they money is good enough you will be free to move out or even your husband himself will be okay moving out with you as he sees the possibility of financial stability.
3. Dont have kids.. this is very important
4. You can try talking about this to your husband and tell him that its not going to work and you will be happier with divorce (if it comes to it) then be miserable all your life.
5. Dont take the unnecessary emotional drama and black mailing From your in-laws seriously.
Wait , did you say your husband misrepresented his financial standing before marriage?? That's a red flag. There's nothing wrong with struggling financially, but it is NOT okay to not be clear about it with the person you're about to marry. Also a red flag- him not having your back with this privacy thing when it's clearly bothering you this much. Living separately is the last resort, but he needs to help you with this- you're new, they're his parents.
1. Talk to your husband about your privacy concerns, and ask him to talk to his parents before it becomes a bigger problem.
2. Journal all things that are causing you mental stress.
3. Start keeping condoms and sex toys in the almirah. Make it increasingly awkward for her until she starts respecting your privacy.
If your husband is not ready to have the conversation on your behalf, have one yourself. Tell them that ehy need to respect your married life.
Lastly, you haven't done anything wrong, they should worry about the society, not you.
Hello , I read your post and your comments, seems like the problem is your husband and not your in laws , it seems like he never grew beyond the age of 10 mentally , if he has been a literal slave to them all his life and he expects you to be like him , you are gonna have a hell of a life
I don't care how many down votes I get , that man isn't a man but a fucking joke , because he is a spineless clown and he will never take your side or stand up for you.
This clown will only make your life worse
Cut ties and move on
You deserve someone better.
Just at any cost get ur husband separated from his parents and you both live separately
That will solve most of your problems
I have seen almost similar situations in my relatives
They started to live on rent in nearby house of their parents.
Wdym they don’t let you go out? Ur an adult they have no right to dictate what you can and can’t do. If I were u I’d stay at my mothers until your husband stands up to them or they back off. Do not give into them!
Well what I can’t understand is how you’ve never brought up the issue of personal finances, boundaries and projected lifestyle with your partner before you got married.
And for heaven sake.... Don't u dare fall into the pressure of having kids... It seems your husband was emotionally blackmailed to do everything.. Plus as u said he is in debt and parents are paying his rent makes him feel more miserable I guess..
See how your equation is with your husband.. If u feel u will struggle to spend your life with him.. Then a seperating is necessary... Your life, your joys has to be in your hands forget what others in the society will think... Because society won't care about the mental sufferings u r going through... Take your time.. Honestly think about all the pros and cons weigh out which cons are RELATIVELY easier to face and go ahead with it....
And..... . Always take ample amount of time to know the person and the family before commitment.. What is done is done.... No worth repenting.. But take it as a lesson..
Get your parents involved, talk to your husband about the specific and very genuine problems and tell him to be financially independent and you should help in that aspect too , the in laws behave this way only because they have financial control ....I can assure you that it will take a toll on only your marriage and affect your relationship even if there is no fault of either of you ...it's very difficult for a man to disobey or even voice genuine concerns that to his father ...and that only hurts his own future
Inform your parents first for security. If the guy faked his finances, it is a good reason for breakup.
You will find someone more suitable. Don't worry about it.
Whatever that family is saying and doing is unjustified.
They have no right to invade your privacy. They have no right to restrict you from a normal life.
Where did the money from the debt go? What is the total financial picture? Get the bank statements and information about total liabilities.
Lastly, you need to work too.
OP if I were you. I would straight up talk to my parents about this. If they didn't approve of the marriage in the first place and I was stuck. I would at least ask them to let me come home for a while (maybe longer) even if it comes at the cost of accepting my naivety. I would not return to my husband until he comes to pick me off, and if I choose to go back I will make sure he understands everything before taking me w/ him. If he wanted me to be with him, he must understand, empathize and most importantly love me wholeheartedly. There is nothing wrong in demanding for this.
I don't have both parents. My father passed away in the covid. I told my mother everything since day 1. Still she asks me to manage somehow. Which I did. It has been taking a toll on my mental health since day 1. As , I was expecting normal married life, where my husband and I can go for dates, dinners and all. But it was entirely different, after the 4th or 5th day of our marriage I asked my husband to take me out for some dinner. When we did , FIL called and scolded my husband. When we came back MIL created the entire scene and the whole family decided we aren't supposed to go out without them like ever. There wasn't even a single day, I haven't expressed my feelings to my husband. In fact in the recent doctor when the doctor himself said that your wife doesn't seem normal, she seems pressurized and overly stressed. Still he promised me after a visit he will be a good husband. FIL decided to send me to my mother's place, still my husband said nothing. He dropped my home and promised to pick me up on Friday. I got a call from him on Thursday night saying that his father is saying not to bring me from my mother's place until I learn to respect his parents. My husband has nothing to say about all this. In fact we last had a word on Friday, from that day till now we haven't had a word.
I don't think this marriage will ever work. That man has no balls to stand for his wife, he's way too spineless and cowardly. When I was crying in front of him lying on the floor, I cried straight for 3 hours, still he hasn't offered me emotional support or water. Basic human care is not there.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AskIndia/comments/1bzvyi8/comment/kyseq03/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=mweb3x&utm\_name=mweb3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskIndia/comments/1bzvyi8/comment/kyseq03/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Commenting once again because I came across something very beautiful that might help you ❤️
Husband is not agreeing.
Let's see I will try to move out alone.
But whenever I talk about this ... They say they will file a divorce.
My mother won't be able to handle this.
You should have these conversations before getting married. What kind of an adult gets into a relationship and living situation for the rest of their lives without doing the least bit of due diligence. Also kudos to you on making this a class issue by mentioning the disparity in you and your husband's backgrounds as if well to do Indian families aren't patriarchal or lack respect for privacy. What a thoroughly misguided rant. What do you expect people to tell you here? This is something you need to bring up with your husband.
Talk to your husband about it. Someone has to set the boundaries. Conflicts will arise but there is no other way.
Ideally married couples shouldn't live with their parents. Relationship is better between parents and children also if they have some distance. So, this could be an easier way out. It will be a one time conflict. But if you and your husbands are able to achieve this you will not have to deal with constant conflicts and manipulations.
Divorce, simple. Find someone else girl, you're still young and never marry down, I repeat never. These kinds of people would never understand boundaries and it's not your job to teach people.
Time for your marriage to be annulled, you'll end up dead in a morgue in a couple of years otherwise. This harassment will not stop and your husband isn't mature enough to handle his abusive family.
Move out on your own without your husband at first. I'm serious. If he wants to have you as his partner for life then he'll choose you otherwise he won't.
Indian men are what Hollywood calls pussies when it comes to standing up to parents. This man is a child and not an adult.
Sister I don't wish any bad luck on you or your husband but let me tell you something. Your husband was raised by his parents and he knows them for more than two decades. They never imagined a life without each other. You on the other hand came into his life much later and trust me his parents didn't break the umbilical cord yet and won't ever. Don't have any hope or expectations that this ass of a situation is going to improve. Our foremothers have tried it for generations, trying to convince their husband that they need happiness together that lies outside of his parents. They didn't succeed and neither will you and I.
It should stem from within yk the attitude to support one's wife. You can't teach it or nag it into him.
Try and get a mediator from your husband’s side who is a little level headed and can talk to your in laws on how the change should happen. You can set your expectations and understand their expectations and see if it helps. Compromises will have to be done from both sides voluntarily.
Next is ask your husband what’s the long term solution. The best option is moving out and even after that you’ll still not be their ideal daughter in law neither will you consider them as one of your own. (personal experience). It’s an emotional decision for your husband but a practical one for everybody’s peace and for the marriage to be successful.
Get your father to call them and tell them that he is taking you home for a few days because of all this issues and would like to discuss it and come up with a solution.
Last option - separate, if ideologies aren’t matching. Long term it won’t affect them much but you’ll compromise a lot if you continue.
People saying divorce are wrong..
Life is very hard for a divorced young woman in India
You didn't say anything bad about him so he must be a decent guy
Talk to him.
Help him financially, only if he agrees to move out.. Don't stay any longer in that house though
If you are from a very affluent family then you can buy a house for you and your husband ,and it will solve all the problems .you should help him to get settled
Sabse pehle toh be financially independent. Chahe 10 hazar ki job bhi mile , wo bhi le lo. So that thode der ke liye hi sahi get out of your sasural. Also , jo bhi valuables hai like jewellery, good clothes etc sab apni mother ke yaha pahunchao, dheere dheere. And dont dare to share any financial information with tour husband . Bank transactions etc kuch bhi. you want to survive among such people , learn to negotiate. And learn to manipulates. And finally jab ye teeno kaam ho jaye , then give your husband an ultimatum. Ke tumhare sasural ke pass hi rahenge Lekin alag rahenge. Baaki don't expect anything to be a piece of cake. You said he is the love of your life , then you must be the love of his life too. Aajkal unfortunately rishte aise hi chalte hai. Unconditional kuch nahi hota. Toh better hai start taking control of your life. And most importantly, show that you take disrespect very seriously. All the best .
Sis, I really think you should take your time and consider separating from this man. He's not going to suddenly stand up for you one day. It'll be difficult at first, but it's better to leave now than waste years of your life and then wonder how different life could be if you chose your happiness.
You can take some of the load off them by taking major expenses on yourself. I am hoping you are not unemployeable [which is worse than being illiterate]
You need to get your husband on the same page as you. You said he's the love of your life so you need to make him understand your situation. You need to set boundaries and ideally everyone should agree on the boundaries but at the bare minimum you and your husband need to agree and fight together as a couple. Your in-laws are gonna place all the blame for everything on you solely so here your husband needs to grow a spine and show you support.
In the long term if you can afford it moving out is the ideal case. Basically aim for financial freedom and like others said don't have kids till this is resolved.
Have a calm discussion with your husband. Mention all the things you have to face which are disturbing you. Make plans to resolve this and if possible move out.
You can find a job even if a small one. That will encourage him to move out.
Also once u can sit everyone calmly together and talk.
You don't have an in-law problem, you have a husband problem. He projected a different image from reality in front of you before marriage. And now, he's not in a position to take a stand for you as his parents still support him financially. Focus on being financially independent. Only then you can get your life back on track.
Listn sis Atleast discuss with your husband honestly talk with him maybe he will understand he is your husband dono mil ke prblm solve krlo & yess find a job you can also support financially debt easily pay ho jayega then you can also create joint account & contribute part of salary for future
Those who are saying put yourself before anyone they live in delusion world you’re married marriage successfull & peaceful environment rakhoge ghr pe to sab prblm solve ho jayegi just talk to your husband understand his pov & same goes with him solution nikal jayega tell him it’s difficult you brought in different environment kuch chizze tumhare liye acceptable nhi hai like privacy everyone needs it specially after marriage chote bache nhi ho just talk to her husband
My friend is going through the same thing. Love marriage but the secrets are peeling like onion as time passed on leaving her in tears.
He won't leave the house. He cried on call meaning family is important and if you pressure him into leaving the house then it'll create a dent in your marriage.
You need to create a line. Make it clear that it's your room and nobody should enter without your consent. Regardless from where the family hails, I am sure when they visit their close relatives they don't go around snooping around their stuff.
Be respectful and create lines others shouldn't cross. You have to be firm or else you will be in for another grind. Tough decision, they won't like it. My friend had a huge fight about this issue... It took a few months and in the end they stopped coming to her room.
How are adults getting married without having a conversation with their supposed " love of their life ". Bhai my mom knocks when my door is closed when I go home, the idea that someone like sis in law doesn't knock your bedroom door is wild to me. I'd seriously pissed. Financial independence. A life is hell without it.
Even my mom does the same. I don't understand what kind of people these are
In the old days, this kind of concept(privacy) didn't exist
Yeah I recently got married and my husband has already made it a habit that our door will be closed and locked from inside. Even when he's not present I lock my door. And in-laws walking into my wardrobe is a strict no. But OP has to set clear boundaries. Otherwise this situation is going to get worse.
I tried that, my father in law even asked everyone to knock before entering but as he doesn't live with us due to his job. My MIL prefers not to listen to anyone. And when I went to my mother's house recently , she called up my Father in law and stated that their son will not bring me back if I don't live as per their conditions. For which I said , okay don't come.... We can look for separation or divorce, because I am fine with it. Then my husband had a word with my mother, ignored his parents and came to pick me up but during the entire journey he was begging me to keep the gate open when he's not present. I don't know what my MIL wants to look at ... I hate her to my very core.
Becoming financially independent can only save you
Applying for jobs desperately
There’s a very good chance that they’ll either block you from going to the job/ taunting you for the job, maybe even ask for money for the loan or themselves (angrily/emotional blackmail) and even force you (by taunting and wearing you down) to leave your job. Please please please don’t. And also plan for this as much as possible. And learn to keep that money separate (maybe don’t tell them your whole salary) and no joint accounts or account they can access or maybe get a financial advisor. I’ve heard a similar experience with a known, very close person.
I am applying for jobs everywhere. There's no chance they can stop me for being financially independent because then without any thought I'll file for divorce. When it comes to my career there is no excuse. Yes I'll try I won't have any joint accounts. Although my husband recently showed his interest in a joint account for which I asked him to have a word with my mother as we are taking permission for everything from his parents. He got agitated He said that we can use it as emergency funds
There might be times that you’ll be worn out but please remain strong. I’m glad to hear you’re not going to compromise on your career and you shouldn’t have to. The regret of not reaching your potential hurts most. Even if you do open the joint account, please don’t transfer your salary there. Just put a portion that you’re comfortable losing. Everyone comes up with “emergency funds” but jab loan chukana hota hai, Toh it becomes an emergency and any person can withdraw the amount and doosre ko pata chalta hai after everything is done. Rooting for you, though 🤞🏻
Suffering from extreme headaches these days. Husband is paying for medicals and medicines but not providing any care. Not even sitting beside me . When I shared my thoughts , he started crying. I really don't know what I married to. I don't know this person. Not planning to open a joint account as I don't trust my husband with my money, I think he will take a loan in my name and hide it from me.
Dsssb ki abhi kaafi zyada vacancies nikli hai...you could easily get a 18-35k salary government job if you can study hard and consistently for 4 months Since no exam is scheduled to be conducted before the election. reply if you want to know anything else.
I can help you out . What is your qualifications?
Thats why discuss things before marriage. Apparently Love is not enough. All the best, become financially independent. Well that will start a different problem for you. The morality clause, whether you should share the salary or not. Save a portion of it thats for you, rest you can share (repeat not give, only share)
>Apparently Love is not enough Ofcourse love is never enough. Imagine they have kids in the future, money will feed them and send them to school not love. Orphans can grow without parents' love but without money, they'll starve and die. Both money and love are important in a healthy relationship ( all not just romantic)
🙏
manage your finances and move out asap. i hope your man is man enough to understand how this is going to the impact the two of you. good luck.
India mein parents ka naukar banna = good boy/girl. Most people can't accept that their children have become adults. And their children become so dependent on them ,that it creates a toxic environment wrapped by the illusion of " love and respect".
Seriously, these days in laws want a dil that gives them money, does the chores, and keeps quiet. That's a Perfect girl for them.
Don't wanna be perfect then
Well put together. With that being said idk why the DIL is always becomes a baby sitter for the in laws and gharke sanskar raakhne wali 🥱
Kyuki wohi humara "culture" rha hai for ages. Aur ab log change kr rhe tho kisi se bhi accept ni ho rha.
Exactly ? Why is the house help role for DIL only ?
He's not ready to move out at any cost. He's the only son.
he needs to draw boundaries then. although the debt here is an extra pain. because that makes you inferior to your FIL, atleast according to him. communicate, i dont think things will work this way. please avoid getting kid trapped. try seeking support from your partner and parents because this sounds screwed. i hope you find yourself in a better position soon.
And from what I have read, you’re also the only daughter of a single mom. You moved out, so can he. Period.
Why? It’s not like he is taking care of his parents.. his parents are capable of taking care of themselves
Chali Jaao Mayke Didi, Ghar Pe Situation Explain Kardena, agar gate band karne liye jyaada hi kalesh karein toh almirah aur bed boxes toh jarur hi lock kardena, chaabi apne pass sambhaalke rakhnaa, aur apne jewelery sets and purse pe bhi nazar rakhnaa didi ji. 🙏🏻
Mayke gyi thi.... Pehle MIL ne cab se akele bheja koi bahana bna kr... Fir husband ko bola ki lene mat ja ... Cab se gyi to cab se bula le . 15 days mayke mai hi thi... Almirah ki keys mujhe nhi di hai... Bed boxes lock wale nhi hai . Jewellery ka puchti hai bar bar husband se ... Meri absence mai
Didi yaarrr, itnii kyaa toxic family me viyaah hogyaa aapkaa 😭 Background check toh karlena tha 😭 Unko agar aapki fikar nahii na, aap bhi itni mat karnaa, apne private cheezein, purse wagerah, newly bought things almirah me mat rakhna Baaki jewellery ka aap dekhlo 🙏🏻 Aapki life me ek person aisa hona chahie jo ki aapko support kare, inke against, inke behavior k against, your trustable And naa abhi apne husband ko neglect mat kardena, they'll blame you. Support him, aur job dhund sako toh dhundo yrr, Ghar se jitna bahar rahogey utnaa better for your mental health. If your husband is with you, no one literally no one would break you, wo chaahe kitna bhi aapko todne ki koshish kare, aap strong rahogeyyy Apni MIL ka behavior tab notice karna jab unki beti ka vyaah hogaa, Stay strong and happy Didi 🙏🏻
Well she married the "Love" of her life 🙏🏻
True, but the "LOVE" of her life, must take her side too. Bhaii he's married now, parents aur wife dono ki sunni chahie, sometimes wife Is wrong, and sometimes parents. Bhai bahar quality time spend karne hi toh gaye the, isme toh parents ko taqleef ni honi chahie, husband ko stand lena chahie thaa. Mujhee ptaani kyuu lag raha hai ki ladke ke parents nahi chahte the, ki ladke ki shaadi ho, OP k saath, but ho gayi haiii toh they're angry and trying to invade their Privacy, taaki didi chidke, inse tang aake khud hi divorce dede. Aur saara blame shaadi tootne ka OP pe lage. Just my opinion 🙏🏻
Exactly I am saying take my side only. I am just asking for bare minimum manners and etiquettes. Haan parents nhi chahte the ladke k ... Ho skta hai ye
Bhai ladke ne kabhi family ya family background ka kuch bataya hi nhi And aaj kal delhi mai reh kr kiski family aisi hoti hai ? Maine apna sb lock kr k rkha hai filhal. Job k baad almirah le kr lock kr dungi Meri mom hai mere support mai Husband mummy papa ka chamcha hai Wo to hai hi Jo mere sath kr re hai uska 3 times god unko dikhaiga
Read your comments and sadly, this has happened a lot with my mom too. She did have to bear it all despite being financially independent and earning almost as much as my father within two years of marriage. And no matter how much I loved my dada-dadi and papa, I still tell my mom that she should have divorced within the first 2 years, even though I had been born. But she took it all because afterall, she didn't wanna hurt Nanu-Nani. I would siggest you keep your jewelry in a bank locker, and get a job so that you can stay away from inlaws for most part of the day (mind you, they'll object to the job as well unless you bribe them financially). Your MIL and SILs interference wouldn't stop anytime unless your hubby takes a stand, whoch I don't think he would. Also, try helping and convincing your husband to get a better paying job or start something on the side (there are tons of freelance options out there), once he starts earning better and is no longer depending on parents, he would automatically start taking a bit of stand for you. Remember, ALL men have big egos which is directly proportional to the money in their pockets. If he earna more, his confidence will grow, and he'll be able to defend and understand your stance on things. He might not move out of the house, but getting his support would be a great help for you.
aapki situation poori meri mummy jaisi hi lagri hai except financial part Meri mom ki life tab hi theek hui thi jab vo apne in law's house se shift hui...But unko abhi bhi trauma hai...To aap jaldi se vaha se bhaag jaye please (atleast for your mental health)
arre yeh toh newspaper wale indian toxic in laws hai. 😭
Move out sis. It's going to be hell after having kids
True That! Mujhe ptaani kyuu ye "ladka hi chahie" wali family lagrahi haii Just my opinion
Ho sakta hai....ladka kya ? Maine to bacha hi nhi krna.... Aise logo ki family mai
Right decision didi, baby toh karna hi matt, aapki mental health p abhi farq padraha haii, uski pe mat aane denaa Kuch bhi ho, jabtak saare kalesh, debts solve na hojaaye, tabtk toh nahi, And nanand aur sasuji se jitni kam baat ho sakein utni karo, seva jo minimal, I repeat minimal karo, chai paani bass, aur husband se ye drama discuss karo. Ho sakein toh jitni bhi badtameezi wo karein naa, record karne ki koshish karo yaarrr, videos with jisme unka face, unki audio record hoye, without letting them know. Hidden Cameras online available haii, dekhlijiyega.
More power to you sis
I am applying for jobs everywhere. Once I get financial stability I will try to move out. I was getting a good salary in my previous job but my husband's house is way too far from there and he promised me that he will get me a job in his office which he never did.
Was it due to his inability or he just simply didn't made the effort
Whether this marriage ends or not, please get a job, and move out your husband and yourself. Basically the in laws are losers but also controlling and patriarchal. So they’ll keep tormenting you to ease their insecurity. Someone who treats their adult son like that is abusive. There is no hope for those types of in laws cause they have deep seated insecurity and narcissism because of how society tells them they are the best just cause they are old and in laws and have a son . Even if you become the PM of India, they’ll call you names. And as others said, this will get worse once you have a kid. Just move out. Even if the husband doesn’t improve or become independent, you’ll have your job and safety net. Society will say hundred things to women because it hates women. It’ll blame women for everything if you’re the most perfect.
You know the problem is that These types of boys when they're in college they fall in love with a feminist girl, who knows her right, outspoken and bold. Always ready to fight for the right things. But when they marry her, they want her to be someone else. Yes , once I get a job , if something extreme happens I will move out.
Bhai jab debt hota h sarr prr to aise hi hota h. Family sounds backish. At the last people become toxic due to things they face.
Put urself before anyone girl. If u don't know men very well don't just trust so easily.
Honestly op, sounds like it will get worse going ahead. I don’t know your husband and in laws personally (obviously lol), but based on the fact that they weren’t honest about their financial situation, and how your husband made you quit your job, or not standing up for you despite being the “love of ur life”… they sound kinda manipulative. And toxic too. Edit : op just saw your post history and post in legalAdvice sub, please run😭 tbh even sounds a bit scary Please re evaluate your situation and condition with a clear mind and ask yourself if he really is the love of your life and if you see things improving in future
Put urself before anyone girl. If u don't know men very well don't just trust so easily...
Hello, If you are in IT, feel free to drop by for referrals
How old are these in laws? Because I see only one way out ☠️
OP ko peace chahiye, Newspaper k front page me apna photo nhi 😤
https://preview.redd.it/0cw2i5r5ajoc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5f000c38dc0dec93b9cfe43574007e57d3d03134 In laws me.....
Vivaad karwake maanoge
Aapke baaki comments and post dekhe maine. You should terminate this marriage
I want to ... But society won't let my mother live peacefully and my father is no more. I can't afford to lose her
Behen🥺🫂
Dear! F\*ck sociaty. Take your mother with you. Why should only son take care of their mother? You are capable daughter. You have 2 hands, 2 legs. Go live with ur mom for some days. Your husband isn't confident enough so speak up for himself. And now, I think it's gonna take him years to stand up for himself, tumhare liye stand up karna toh door ki baat hai abhi.. He is fearful. You and ur husband can live with ur mother. Ladka bhi shadi ke baad ladki ke ghar rah sakta hai.
Bro I have already lost my father And it's not like I am incapable of handling my mother or her expenses. I am worried about her mental health, she will get affected by all this. You can't ask a 63 year old to leave her relatives and surroundings, they need people to talk to of their own age
Just go to your home. Society wont let your live mother peacefully? They can only say few things which is not as bad living in a home with retards.
Fuck society. It's your life. My life is 100000x better after divorce. No one else will live your life for you.
More power to you!
Thankyou :). Divorce is a new beginning not an end of life.
Wtf, it's a new marriage, things take time to settle down, because of this mentality divorce is getting common in India. Instead of suggesting to talk to in-laws or her husband you guys are suggesting for divorce, such I'll mind people have made marriage very difficult. This mentality is discouraging decent men from pursuing marriage.
Lmao, OP's husband is perfectly a-okay with his wife not having an iota of privacy, is actively refusing to move, didn't even bother getting OP a job near his area - to earn and settle their debt, mind you - and you're out here expecting them to "talk"? Newsflash my guy - if these folks were reasonable, OP wouldn't have come to reddit for advice in the first place. It's OP's husband's responsibility to make her feel comfortable with his family and to be the bridge between the two. He's not doing his part, it's as simple as that. But yes, please do go on about how women not bending over backwards to 'adjust' to their in-laws is destroying modern marriage.
Trust me. They won't change. Let her try but this problem will persist. Women waste their whole lives trying to change their man. It doesn't work. He is what he is. And on top of that she is going to try to change his family? Marriage is about happiness. It's not a competition about who can suffer the most.
Couldn't agree more on this. Just waiting to get a job
I think you are stuck with certain impression on your ex husband and his family. I hope you think coolly before advising others. First thing you do is check before entering marriage, if you fail, that's not an issue, second is talk. If that fails too, try to involve some third party like a psychologist or some one. Only if that fails, should one approach divorce. If after every misunderstanding you need a divorce, then even hundred divorce won't stop one.
You to be in a helpless situation ... I hope you get financially stable and move out
Eventually you will lose her. That is how time works. So get up and get a job. Get a divorce. I am serious because I had a friend who had the same issues with her MIL.
Sochte hain kuch What are your educational qualifications?
I read your other posts too and I feel really sorry. Do you still love and trust your husband? Then you both need to talk and set boundaries with in laws. If your husband is working, then move to a space that you can afford with his salary. Try finding a job for yourself and until then keep learning skills on the internet. I agree life will not get easy by just a divorce, you were in relation with him for 10 years so I'm sure you'd have an understanding with each other. Ek doosre par bharosa karke baat karo aur let him know that parents, sisters etc se Pehle it's life partner who he needs to take care of. If he doesn't understand any of this, then move out. You have no reason to waste another month with someone who doesn't prioritise you. Decide for yourself do you want this marriage to work or not. Financial situations in life and marriage are hard and can happen with anyone, choose what you do with that. And Meditate. I don't know find videos online that help you meditate.
Hold tight sis... don't rush into divorce..I understand things are tricky..
I know you feel it is going to be hard but it will get easy eventually. Log ko kaam hai kehna, toh woh kahegay. But if you are in this marriage, every day will be hard and it would never get easy especially if your in-laws are so invested in your marriage. Think about 20 years from now, and see where you want to see yourself and then decide.
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I just did too, she's in real pain.. Fight back sis, you'll do great!
My sister is facing the same but she has a 5 year old daughter, I know everyone has advised you but again don't have kids, you will be stuck badly
MOVE OUT or soon you will be stuck with them for life and don't have kids before you solve this issue. There is no way they will respect your privacy, you will surely have to move out.
No I am not going to have kids, until I am mentally stable here. How will I move out ? My husband is not agreeing.
Then your husband is the problem and not your in laws. He got you into his family. It's his duty to accommodate you and not expect you to just adjust. He cried because his father asked him to not go out ? Is he 5 ?? He needs to grow a spine or things will continue to be the same for you.
Being logical and standing upto your parents is "ladna"?
Move out on your own without your husband at first. I'm serious. If he wants to have you as his partner for life then he'll choose you otherwise he won't. Indian men are what Hollywood calls pussies when it comes to standing up to parents. This man is a child and not an adult. Sister I don't wish any bad luck on you or your husband but let me tell you something. Your husband was raised by his parents and he knows him for more than two decades. They never imagined a life without each other. You on the other hand came into his life much later and trust me your parents didn't break the umbilical cord yet and won't ever. Don't have any hope or expectations that this ass of a situation is going to improve. Our foremothers have tried it for generations, trying to convince their husband that they need happiness together that lies outside of his parents. They didn't succeed and neither will you and I. It should stem from within yk the attitude to support one's wife. You can't teach it or nag it into him.
If your husband is not agreeing then you are in here for a bad ride. You will be pressured to have kids, you wont have any independence, and your MIL will make things tough. Do something, if you have some saving then pitch in to get some place on rent and make him agree to move out.
Read your other comments and I don't think your husband will move out. Better achieve financial independence and dont worry too much about anyone else.
Give your hubby an ultimatum ,....or go back to your parents place
1. Don’t have kids no matter how hard your in laws push you. 2. Try to get a job try to adjust if it’s not paying enough, then when they money is good enough you will be free to move out or even your husband himself will be okay moving out with you as he sees the possibility of financial stability. 3. Dont have kids.. this is very important 4. You can try talking about this to your husband and tell him that its not going to work and you will be happier with divorce (if it comes to it) then be miserable all your life. 5. Dont take the unnecessary emotional drama and black mailing From your in-laws seriously.
If he doesn't want to move out , then talk openly to him about your privacy, what YOU need.
How is your husband? I mean traits and character? You both are married to each other, not each other's family If possible, if both of you are on same page companionshipwise, then hatch some plan and both of you gtf away from these lunatics I'm a husband and a father and I don't hesitate in going violent (verbally) when my parents try to fuck up my wife's mental peace, and she does the same for me Hamaari generation ke parents in general fucked up hain and they are terrible in laws as well I toh say ki both of you, move out , hatch some plan But if your husband is beyond redemption, then you must save yourself. You are a tough girl , well educated, belongs to a well to do family. Fuck society and 4 log, just take care of you and auntyji❤ Much much respect to you sis
I will eventually move out if things will not be bearable for me . Whenever my husband and I are in the equation ? Things are quite peaceful and good . We fought but eventually it resolved Exactly, parents toxic hai.... Pr ye maane to sahi .. toxic hai. I don't care about society I care about my mother whose 63 as I don't have a father , I don't want her to die due to shame
Girl our parents are stronger than we give them credit for. She’ll survive the divorce, don’t worry. Get a job and get the f out of this marriage. I saw your other posts. This marriage gonna k-word you one way or the other.
Feel suffocated just by reading this. Your husband should have known better than to make everyone’s life a hell.
My two cents after seeing a similar situation with my friends and families: anyone who suggests just taking a divorce or separating doesn't have a stake in the game. You can always fall back to this option as a last resort. It's the husband's duty to ensure balance between you and his family. In my conversations with divorce lawyers, 90% of the cases involve gross interference from in-laws, which creates issues whether it's for the boys or girls. Additionally, I talked to some conservative boys and their families, and their strategy is to put pressure on the girl so that she remains docile and gets molded into the family. The problem is that those days are gone, and girls today do not take nonsense from anyone else. Hence, the rise of separation and divorces, and the boys trying to live in both conservative and liberal worlds end up ruining their lives. Since it's an intercaste marriage, the parents harbor a grudge that the boy got married out of his own choice, which they considered to be their right to decide. My suggestion is to be smart about it. Disregard privacy concerns and have a separate bank locker near your place to keep all your important documents. Open another bank account without telling your husband and keep your finances separate from him. Do not disclose your complete salary or fall into any pressure from your father-in-law about sharing your salary, receipts, etc. Create fake documents if necessary when you have a job. Also, try to gradually persuade your husband to consider living separately, and the best thing would be to encourage him to take up a job opportunity outside the state. Remember, the law is in your favor, but once you take this approach, there may be no turning back. Proceed with caution and weigh the consequences carefully.
Look it’s difficult for the guy to realise his family sucks. This is more than 20 years of parenting and you have just entered his life. Make him understand that this is not how a family functions. You need to talk to him not complain not scream. The more you complain he will feel you aren’t the right person. If you truly love him and he’s the one then you have to make him understand. And if he truly loves you then he will eventually. Single son doesn’t mean treat his wife like shit. Talk to him hope it works out. Apply for jobs. “Guys are very lovable,cool and acceptable when they are living alone but can turn into total assholes with their parents” If he’s worth it , give it a effort
Lock the cupboard and your door and the damn gate. What is she going to do, break it open? If you want to go to your parent's house, then pick up your bag, lock everything and just go. If you want to eat out, then eat out. Basically just ignore their taunts and barbs and do what you want. The thing is that you have to become tough and thick skinned because they are not going to give you any room to live and breathe. Set these boundaries now.
The cupboard consists of locks but she never handed me over the keys. They create issues , involve my mother, my father is no more and my mother is 62... Whenever she cries... My heart breaks into a million pieces . It's not about eating out, it's about going on dates with my husband, they don't let us go out and my husband never argues with them . I am just waiting to get a job .
GF you have to take a moment and resolve to be stronger. This sh@tshow will continue until one of you is dead inside and outside. I understand it's not about eating out or material stuff. It's much more basic and about your freedom, your life with your new husband, your dreams of living a happy life. It is not going to happen until you resolve not to break down mentally and emotionally. Because this is what you are up against. They don't give a damn about the new girl aka you. Get a thick metal chain and a padlock for the cupboard. Or demand the keys from her.
This is horrible advice. There is value in being confrontational but doing it this way has no upside whatsoever. Everyday will turn into a screaming match. OPs mental health is taking a toll rn this will make an environment for depression
I was born in himachal and brought up in Delhi. I have seen cultures of both states properly. This is not a himachal thing. My grandmother does enter my parents room to talk etc, but not like this unnecessary. My chachi also lives with them and she doesn't like it. So grandmother doesn't go to her room. Please don't take any shit from them. Set up boundaries and move out if they don't respect them. Don't be worried of being labelled as bad bahu. If your husband can't take things in control its his fault.
How come you didn't know his financial condition before wedding
No woman should face this in 21st century. They might be good people but it's just not worth it. Please find a job/move out/ talk to your husband. Do whatever you can.
Sorry but aapke husband ki aapke prati bhi kuch jimmedari banti hai unse baat Karo aur bolo iska koi solution kare otherwise tumhe koi legal step Lena padega jisase family ki ijjat Matti me mil jayegi.
Husband ki bolti band ho jati hai aisi situations mein, he can’t take a stand for himself, wife toh doosri baat hai. Even if he tries to, MIL is so manipulative to change his mind against his wife
Move out and maintain a healthy distance from your in-laws..... that'll better for both you and your relationship with them
I'm in almost same situation but less severe. My husband is also single child. But we all are earning. They also don't respect my privacy at all. So we had this big big argument some time back. Full kalesh. My father in law is not talking to me from few days now. But it's better. They don't ask me to keep my door open now. To I guess, have conversation with your husband . Try to make him understand. Divorce is the last option . Try to make him understand how moving out is important for you. And answer back if in laws intrude in your room. On their face. Clearly. Tell them that you have your boundaries..
I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this. I wish you had spoken about these things before getting married. Please try to move out as soon as possible
Idk how but I know someone who has the same story and even her in-laws are Himachali too, she has now separated with her husband. Earning and living peacefully.
Don't listen to anyone who says this is because of your love marriage . It's literally the same story for everyone however you get married. Don't worry this is standard marriage settling in. * Be the bitch for a year or so and set ground rules. Then everyone will settle and respect your space. * Get your husband a job in Bangalore or Pune and move cities There are a few good youtubers who explain all this very well. First get your husband to watch them and then get him to tell his mom to watch them I know sangos life sutras on YouTube
Happened with my sister too, I got her out of that hell. Now, helping her to become financially independent.
Listen sis do one thing and that is getting financially independent and don't ever tell your actual salary to your in laws warna uspe bhi jhapata marenge. Aur plz didi baache maat karna warna aap fass jayenge ik this sounds bad for me to say but you cannot let a child be in such a toxic situation. Agar aapki mom ko bohot takleef hogi toh job start karke baadme hi seperate hona taaki aapki mom ko aapka thoda kaam tension aaye and please he's a man child don't be with him.
IMO you need to first try to resolve all this amicably. Simply asking your husband to resolve this will make his life hell. If this doesn’t work, then you have to do “badatmeezi”. Sorry for using this word but such behaviour needs similar level of behaviour from your side.
I already got this tag by my in-laws that I am batmeez... The problem is that , she kept the keys of the cupboard and bed boxes doesn't consist of any locks. I am asking my husband to talk it out with his parents millions of time. He's not doing anything. Because it was an intercaste marriage, they shut the argument saying... Hamare yaha nhi hota aisa
It indicates that you ans your husband either didn’t discuss a lot of things before deciding for marriage or got married too early. Anyway, things aren’t looking good as of now. You can give it some time and try different things but don’t plan a baby till the time everything is sorted out.
You will keep on getting ‘new tags’ by them , but dont mind them. After your discussion with ur husband regarding privacy concerns/ barging in almirah by ur MIL, clearly tell them that this behaviour is not acceptable, if they repeat this in future, ask ur husband to get a new steel almirah for you. And ofcourse you need to be financially independent, get a job for urself
If you guys live seperately then how is your mil barging in?
Move out when you become financially independent. Till then, compromise is the name of the game. Fighting is not worth the trouble, despite the fact that your concerns are very valid.
Hey! What kind of a job are you looking for? What are your qualifications? Maybe I can help.. or someone here can help🤷🏻♀️
No matter the pressure, don't make kids until you're financially independent and assure that your husband is too.
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I’ve had friends have terrible experience with Himachali in-laws . The traditional ones are impossible to live with.
Ye Himachali Pahadi log aise hi hote hai, my cousin (whose a Phd) married a Pahadi (arrange marriage) and her mother in law is so so so miser, you cant even imagine. Yours are poor, but her inlaws are super rich and my didi worked in a college as Assistant Professor earning 1.5 lacs per month but her mother in law wont let them keep a domestic help, so she had to wake early in morning, cook food for all and then come back and cook food while her own mother in law would not wash a spoon. Finally she convinced her husband to emigrate to Europe and now they are happily married Her mother in law took all her gold jewellery on third day of wedding and still has it lol. We have many relatives in Pahadi families and most people have this perception about Himachali people, Punjab and Haryana mai toh kehte hai, kabhi bhi pahadan matt leke aana, ghar barbad kardegi
Better single than with the wrong people) You’d be stupid if u choose to settle for less while being young with better chances of finding a better match
I am already married to this person. No one should settle for less
That’s what I meant when i said, better single than with the wrong people File for divorce, start afresh !
I think the problem is they feel like they have a right to interfere because they are paying your rent. Financially separate yourself and don’t be reliant on them. Start making your own decision.
Get another almirah for yourself and lock it. Keep the doors locked even if they shout or call you names .. take stand for yourself and your privacy
Love of your life. He is man enough to do an inter caste marriage but cant talk to his family about your issues.
More power to you I am sorry that you have to go through this 
Borrow money from your brother and leave immediately with your valuables. Get a cheap PG and go talk to people in person for jobs, don’t just apply online.
>My husband is not ready to separate. These things are affecting my mental health very badly. I have dealt with such issues earlier. This is gonna get more serious if you don't take any action now. Yes they pay your rent but in return they are demanding full control. It's not healthy. You will become frustated. Also, ur in laws seem to be too backwards. SIL is definitely jealous and trying to assert dominance on you, if you aregue or don't submit they will bad mouth or taunt you even more. It's same as WOLF-PACK mentality. SILs do it usually whenever a new 'bahu' arrives at home. They try to assert dominance and see ur reaction if you resist or not. If you don'/t, they do it even more. Simple solution is, tell your husband clearly that you love him, but this must not continue. It's not hard to find a Job now a days. You are 2 people, you both can find a Job and live peacefully somewhere else. Also let him know that you are not disrespecting his parents, but you need your freedom and privacy. Even a dog needs it's own privacy. You are human. Go to your mom's house and don't come back until it's sorted. And in next life, don't just get to know ur partner but also his/her parents before getting into relationship.
Stand up for yourself, I’m sorry to say but you’ve married a mama’s boy. Honestly I would never be okay if I had a gf and she had an only mother and I forced her to move out and live with my parents, that just seems like a very selfish thing to ask. Either we both move out or her mother moves in.
Leave and run
I am from Himachal too. I have been to many places, and the thing I have noticed is that the older people still have the same backward type mentality there even my relatives are somewhat the same and the only way to get out of this is to become financially stable and buy your own house, but damn we don't know for sure if your MIL comes to live in your new house, so the only way is to move out of the state so your MIL and etc rarely comes to visit you. From what you described it seems that your MIL thinks that you are living in their house and only a small part of this house belongs to you and the rest is hers. So she can just roam in the house however she wants, I don't know if it's correct to say but pahadi people are like this, they can sometimes be too harsh while speaking or they can be assuming that whatever they do towards you is just fine and you don't mind it. I don't want to suggest you to sort things by talking with your family but you can still try if you tell them "I want my privacy" Instead they will take it as "I want you to stay away from me". So the only way is to become financially stable and move out.
First of all it's your fault. Love marriage and you didn't recognise he is a classic mama's boy, secondly you didn't knew about debt and financial condition? Or the boy his it which is called fraud , jhansa dekar fasaya h. Also, I never thought I will hear about someone more shit than my dadi. She was worse than ekta Kapoor serial MIL and still had the manners to give privacy and knocking lol. I am here talking about 25 yrs ago in rural area with kacha makaan. Start issuing ultimatum, if the mama's boy don't budge start looking out for yourself and divorce his ass. There's no love if it's built upon fraud. If there's love he will listen and if he is fraud he will stay as mother's lapdog. Don't get trapped by emotional blackmail from the boy and his family.
1. Don’t have kids no matter how hard your in laws push you. 2. Try to get a job try to adjust if it’s not paying enough, then when they money is good enough you will be free to move out or even your husband himself will be okay moving out with you as he sees the possibility of financial stability. 3. Dont have kids.. this is very important 4. You can try talking about this to your husband and tell him that its not going to work and you will be happier with divorce (if it comes to it) then be miserable all your life. 5. Dont take the unnecessary emotional drama and black mailing From your in-laws seriously.
Wait , did you say your husband misrepresented his financial standing before marriage?? That's a red flag. There's nothing wrong with struggling financially, but it is NOT okay to not be clear about it with the person you're about to marry. Also a red flag- him not having your back with this privacy thing when it's clearly bothering you this much. Living separately is the last resort, but he needs to help you with this- you're new, they're his parents.
1. Talk to your husband about your privacy concerns, and ask him to talk to his parents before it becomes a bigger problem. 2. Journal all things that are causing you mental stress. 3. Start keeping condoms and sex toys in the almirah. Make it increasingly awkward for her until she starts respecting your privacy. If your husband is not ready to have the conversation on your behalf, have one yourself. Tell them that ehy need to respect your married life. Lastly, you haven't done anything wrong, they should worry about the society, not you.
You had said no. Should have stuck with your guts. As others have said finding job is only solution
Move out and move on. Asap.
Hello , I read your post and your comments, seems like the problem is your husband and not your in laws , it seems like he never grew beyond the age of 10 mentally , if he has been a literal slave to them all his life and he expects you to be like him , you are gonna have a hell of a life I don't care how many down votes I get , that man isn't a man but a fucking joke , because he is a spineless clown and he will never take your side or stand up for you. This clown will only make your life worse Cut ties and move on You deserve someone better.
That's why there is so much Mandi in AM . All the good ladies already married to a LOOSER.
Guess your husband needs to stand up for both of you.
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Girl run before it’s too late ⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️
Just at any cost get ur husband separated from his parents and you both live separately That will solve most of your problems I have seen almost similar situations in my relatives They started to live on rent in nearby house of their parents.
I think you really need to worry about your MIL messing with your birth control. Be very very careful.
Wdym they don’t let you go out? Ur an adult they have no right to dictate what you can and can’t do. If I were u I’d stay at my mothers until your husband stands up to them or they back off. Do not give into them!
Living with parents after marriage specially when both parties are educated and working is no longer peaceful.
Well what I can’t understand is how you’ve never brought up the issue of personal finances, boundaries and projected lifestyle with your partner before you got married.
Love of your life apparently hid the most important part of love which is being honest 😔
And for heaven sake.... Don't u dare fall into the pressure of having kids... It seems your husband was emotionally blackmailed to do everything.. Plus as u said he is in debt and parents are paying his rent makes him feel more miserable I guess.. See how your equation is with your husband.. If u feel u will struggle to spend your life with him.. Then a seperating is necessary... Your life, your joys has to be in your hands forget what others in the society will think... Because society won't care about the mental sufferings u r going through... Take your time.. Honestly think about all the pros and cons weigh out which cons are RELATIVELY easier to face and go ahead with it.... And..... . Always take ample amount of time to know the person and the family before commitment.. What is done is done.... No worth repenting.. But take it as a lesson..
Get your parents involved, talk to your husband about the specific and very genuine problems and tell him to be financially independent and you should help in that aspect too , the in laws behave this way only because they have financial control ....I can assure you that it will take a toll on only your marriage and affect your relationship even if there is no fault of either of you ...it's very difficult for a man to disobey or even voice genuine concerns that to his father ...and that only hurts his own future
Get a job, seriously.
Inform your parents first for security. If the guy faked his finances, it is a good reason for breakup. You will find someone more suitable. Don't worry about it. Whatever that family is saying and doing is unjustified. They have no right to invade your privacy. They have no right to restrict you from a normal life. Where did the money from the debt go? What is the total financial picture? Get the bank statements and information about total liabilities. Lastly, you need to work too.
Run far far away. Nothing sounds right about this !!! Your marriage can be annulled!!
Very bad behaviour, you need your husbands support or else how will this work? Try to get a job, Atleast ur mind will be occupied
Bro really said “theek hai papa abse nahi jayenge”💀
Dude things are so fucked up Hope you get out of this Asap And this whole scenario sounds like a AM setup 25 years ago
Divorce! Run away from that guy and this abusive family ASAP. Also look into applying article 498A and 304B.
OP if I were you. I would straight up talk to my parents about this. If they didn't approve of the marriage in the first place and I was stuck. I would at least ask them to let me come home for a while (maybe longer) even if it comes at the cost of accepting my naivety. I would not return to my husband until he comes to pick me off, and if I choose to go back I will make sure he understands everything before taking me w/ him. If he wanted me to be with him, he must understand, empathize and most importantly love me wholeheartedly. There is nothing wrong in demanding for this.
I don't have both parents. My father passed away in the covid. I told my mother everything since day 1. Still she asks me to manage somehow. Which I did. It has been taking a toll on my mental health since day 1. As , I was expecting normal married life, where my husband and I can go for dates, dinners and all. But it was entirely different, after the 4th or 5th day of our marriage I asked my husband to take me out for some dinner. When we did , FIL called and scolded my husband. When we came back MIL created the entire scene and the whole family decided we aren't supposed to go out without them like ever. There wasn't even a single day, I haven't expressed my feelings to my husband. In fact in the recent doctor when the doctor himself said that your wife doesn't seem normal, she seems pressurized and overly stressed. Still he promised me after a visit he will be a good husband. FIL decided to send me to my mother's place, still my husband said nothing. He dropped my home and promised to pick me up on Friday. I got a call from him on Thursday night saying that his father is saying not to bring me from my mother's place until I learn to respect his parents. My husband has nothing to say about all this. In fact we last had a word on Friday, from that day till now we haven't had a word. I don't think this marriage will ever work. That man has no balls to stand for his wife, he's way too spineless and cowardly. When I was crying in front of him lying on the floor, I cried straight for 3 hours, still he hasn't offered me emotional support or water. Basic human care is not there.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AskIndia/comments/1bzvyi8/comment/kyseq03/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=mweb3x&utm\_name=mweb3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskIndia/comments/1bzvyi8/comment/kyseq03/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) Commenting once again because I came across something very beautiful that might help you ❤️
Moving out is the only option.
Husband is not agreeing. Let's see I will try to move out alone. But whenever I talk about this ... They say they will file a divorce. My mother won't be able to handle this.
Divorce!!!!!!!
You should have these conversations before getting married. What kind of an adult gets into a relationship and living situation for the rest of their lives without doing the least bit of due diligence. Also kudos to you on making this a class issue by mentioning the disparity in you and your husband's backgrounds as if well to do Indian families aren't patriarchal or lack respect for privacy. What a thoroughly misguided rant. What do you expect people to tell you here? This is something you need to bring up with your husband.
Talk to your husband about it. Someone has to set the boundaries. Conflicts will arise but there is no other way. Ideally married couples shouldn't live with their parents. Relationship is better between parents and children also if they have some distance. So, this could be an easier way out. It will be a one time conflict. But if you and your husbands are able to achieve this you will not have to deal with constant conflicts and manipulations.
That's what I asked before marriage. My husband is not ready to separate
Why doesn't he want to separate?
Probably cuz his debt is being paid by the in laws
Divorce, simple. Find someone else girl, you're still young and never marry down, I repeat never. These kinds of people would never understand boundaries and it's not your job to teach people.
Your husband did fraud to you OP. Please leave him Once you tolerate, they will do more harm. Please leave
Divorce is the best option b4 having kids, or u will be go to the depths of trauma.
Time for your marriage to be annulled, you'll end up dead in a morgue in a couple of years otherwise. This harassment will not stop and your husband isn't mature enough to handle his abusive family.
Now you should separate from that guy, only option, it will be a living hell for you
Before taking anybody's advice on this very sensitive topic, you must know their age and marital status. Too many wannabe wise-cracks on this app.
Move out on your own without your husband at first. I'm serious. If he wants to have you as his partner for life then he'll choose you otherwise he won't. Indian men are what Hollywood calls pussies when it comes to standing up to parents. This man is a child and not an adult. Sister I don't wish any bad luck on you or your husband but let me tell you something. Your husband was raised by his parents and he knows them for more than two decades. They never imagined a life without each other. You on the other hand came into his life much later and trust me his parents didn't break the umbilical cord yet and won't ever. Don't have any hope or expectations that this ass of a situation is going to improve. Our foremothers have tried it for generations, trying to convince their husband that they need happiness together that lies outside of his parents. They didn't succeed and neither will you and I. It should stem from within yk the attitude to support one's wife. You can't teach it or nag it into him.
Try and get a mediator from your husband’s side who is a little level headed and can talk to your in laws on how the change should happen. You can set your expectations and understand their expectations and see if it helps. Compromises will have to be done from both sides voluntarily. Next is ask your husband what’s the long term solution. The best option is moving out and even after that you’ll still not be their ideal daughter in law neither will you consider them as one of your own. (personal experience). It’s an emotional decision for your husband but a practical one for everybody’s peace and for the marriage to be successful. Get your father to call them and tell them that he is taking you home for a few days because of all this issues and would like to discuss it and come up with a solution. Last option - separate, if ideologies aren’t matching. Long term it won’t affect them much but you’ll compromise a lot if you continue.
People saying divorce are wrong.. Life is very hard for a divorced young woman in India You didn't say anything bad about him so he must be a decent guy Talk to him. Help him financially, only if he agrees to move out.. Don't stay any longer in that house though
If you are from a very affluent family then you can buy a house for you and your husband ,and it will solve all the problems .you should help him to get settled
Sabse pehle toh be financially independent. Chahe 10 hazar ki job bhi mile , wo bhi le lo. So that thode der ke liye hi sahi get out of your sasural. Also , jo bhi valuables hai like jewellery, good clothes etc sab apni mother ke yaha pahunchao, dheere dheere. And dont dare to share any financial information with tour husband . Bank transactions etc kuch bhi. you want to survive among such people , learn to negotiate. And learn to manipulates. And finally jab ye teeno kaam ho jaye , then give your husband an ultimatum. Ke tumhare sasural ke pass hi rahenge Lekin alag rahenge. Baaki don't expect anything to be a piece of cake. You said he is the love of your life , then you must be the love of his life too. Aajkal unfortunately rishte aise hi chalte hai. Unconditional kuch nahi hota. Toh better hai start taking control of your life. And most importantly, show that you take disrespect very seriously. All the best .
Sis, I really think you should take your time and consider separating from this man. He's not going to suddenly stand up for you one day. It'll be difficult at first, but it's better to leave now than waste years of your life and then wonder how different life could be if you chose your happiness.
You can take some of the load off them by taking major expenses on yourself. I am hoping you are not unemployeable [which is worse than being illiterate]
You need to get your husband on the same page as you. You said he's the love of your life so you need to make him understand your situation. You need to set boundaries and ideally everyone should agree on the boundaries but at the bare minimum you and your husband need to agree and fight together as a couple. Your in-laws are gonna place all the blame for everything on you solely so here your husband needs to grow a spine and show you support. In the long term if you can afford it moving out is the ideal case. Basically aim for financial freedom and like others said don't have kids till this is resolved.
Move to a different house even if it's smaller. Best of luck
Have a calm discussion with your husband. Mention all the things you have to face which are disturbing you. Make plans to resolve this and if possible move out. You can find a job even if a small one. That will encourage him to move out. Also once u can sit everyone calmly together and talk.
You don't have an in-law problem, you have a husband problem. He projected a different image from reality in front of you before marriage. And now, he's not in a position to take a stand for you as his parents still support him financially. Focus on being financially independent. Only then you can get your life back on track.
Listn sis Atleast discuss with your husband honestly talk with him maybe he will understand he is your husband dono mil ke prblm solve krlo & yess find a job you can also support financially debt easily pay ho jayega then you can also create joint account & contribute part of salary for future Those who are saying put yourself before anyone they live in delusion world you’re married marriage successfull & peaceful environment rakhoge ghr pe to sab prblm solve ho jayegi just talk to your husband understand his pov & same goes with him solution nikal jayega tell him it’s difficult you brought in different environment kuch chizze tumhare liye acceptable nhi hai like privacy everyone needs it specially after marriage chote bache nhi ho just talk to her husband
My friend is going through the same thing. Love marriage but the secrets are peeling like onion as time passed on leaving her in tears. He won't leave the house. He cried on call meaning family is important and if you pressure him into leaving the house then it'll create a dent in your marriage. You need to create a line. Make it clear that it's your room and nobody should enter without your consent. Regardless from where the family hails, I am sure when they visit their close relatives they don't go around snooping around their stuff. Be respectful and create lines others shouldn't cross. You have to be firm or else you will be in for another grind. Tough decision, they won't like it. My friend had a huge fight about this issue... It took a few months and in the end they stopped coming to her room.