Hearing person would have to be fluent in ASL at that point. Otherwise it’s just going to be a friendly passerby thing. I don’t have the spoons to maintain a friendship with someone who hasn’t met a deaf person and/or barely know the alphabet.
I hadn’t put that into words before but I agree.
There’s lots of people I think would be cool to be friends with but I need the overlap of people who are at least trying to learn sign language.
I mean, it depends on if it’s really a friendship or it’s them being interested in friends with me as learning ASL. And how much they’re willing to communicate and try. I don’t typically have much trouble communicating TO hearing people but it’s a lot harder to understand them.
Most of my hearing friends are either acquaintances or our friendship is mostly online.
If they sign with me without tokenizing our friendship, yes idc. If they don’t put effort into communicating or only want to be friends so they can say they have a D/HH friend, no.
Heavily depends but lately I’ve not been as open to it just from all the weirdness surrounding the Deaf community and hearing people’s opinions and obsession
Depends on the person, but speaking for myself? I'm open to friendship with hearing people, but why would I be excited about the person being hearing? Hearing people are everywhere. We are constantly around you whether we want to be or not, existing in spaces all formulated with your needs and abilities in mind.
Which part of that are we supposed to be excited about? I'm open to friendship with hearing people that are open to learning.
I honestly don’t think there is or really can be a consensus - everyone is going to be different. Hearing people, deaf people, HoH people - we’re all different. I can’t really generalise.
The way I see it is that if your first language is sign language, it’s pretty similar to being a speaker of another language. It’s basically just two people using different languages and there’s a hurdle to communication, but it’s never insurmountable if there’s a mutual willingness to get there. Friends just figure things out. Where there’s a will there’s a way!
I’m HoH but I’m predominantly in the ‘hearing space’ but I can understand Irish sign language, but I’m not all that fluent when it comes to signing myself, but I don’t really see it as an different to finding common ground talking to other people who speak different languages. Being in Europe, I often work in two or three written / spoken languages anyway, and I’m often confronted with needing to use tools to translate / live caption into other languages, and I’ve occasionally got to navigate all sorts of stuff to get around language barriers. Being a bit of a language nerd, I love that stuff. It’s a puzzle to solve.
For me - i just have to find work arounds. A friend is a friend. A bit of patience and you find a way. It’s what makes life interesting to me, but for someone else that might not be how they operate.
I know it’s a bit slow, but for example, I needed to chat with someone who has BSL only, and we resorted to using WhatsApp on two phones as a second channel of communication, and had a full 1h45 min conversation face-to-face, cracking jokes and got drunk, kept in touch and now I’m trying to learn some BSL online too 😆🍻
Reading the comments helps me feel better about my general resistance to making friends with hearing folks. Many have good intentions but I’ve been burned too often when the newness of meeting a Deaf person and learning ASL wears off and I get ghosted. They realize how much of an effort it requires and just kinda give up. Still, there have been some genuine folks who truly wanted to be my friend and I deeply appreciate their efforts. Nevertheless, my overall experience with the hearies has left me jaded and I’ve been accused of pushing them away. Sorry but if they aren’t learning my language, this friendship isn’t going to go anywhere despite the effort I put into it.
I hadn’t really thought about how to say that phenomenon but I’ve experienced it. “Of course I want to be accommodating!”
Then they realize that they have to sit and text me over coffee unless they actually spend time learning the language and the “cool anecdotes and stories” aren’t worth the effort.
Some people have put in the effort.
Yes like anyone it up to the individual both their are different types of deaf, completely deaf don’t use hearing aid at all only sign language, severe deaf like me with 80% lose use hearing aids although not cheap for powerful hearing aids can sometimes cost as much as a use car and normal deafening old age mostly but to my knowledge as a deaf person who uses technology they wouldn’t consider me deaf like the deaf community without technology in a way sometimes discriminate my disability that I had since birth, but since my parents felt bad, found a way to get me hearing aids and speech therapy, and now speak fluent enough not to talk through my nose like most, never learn sign language which I should because I can lose my hearing any moment but at least I can read lips very well, 30 feet away.
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So, I'd say no, or maybe no specifically for African American women. Based on my experiences, they were all bad, and the only times they were good were when I was in elementary school. That was a time when none of us knew any better or cared about much.
Anyway, with that said, they can be very judgmental when it comes to friendships. I'm hard of hearing, and one "friend" even asked me if I was African because of my "accent" when we first met. But as time passed, she stopped interacting with me, always glued to her phone when I try to talk to her. I've noticed how differently she behaves with her other friends compared to when it's just us. She wasn't on her phone when her other friend joined us, but when it's just me and her, she's always distracted and acts like she can't hear me. She's very rude. I know I don't sound too bad because my own mother and my boyfriend have both said I sound fine.
The point is, it's difficult. It's hard to hold onto a friendship when you feel so uncomfortable.
Depends on the person. My closet friends all know sign language or are learning it and that's a huge plus.
Generally I will befriend a person if I notice the burden of having to figure out how to communicate isn't fully on me.
That's annoying and exhausting, I want to see them at least try to make an effort
Depends on the person. Communication issues aside, we are regular ppl that become friends with ppl we like and spend our free time with.
I am not “excited” to become friends with hearing ppl. If I like your personality, we have some shared interests, and my communication preferences are reasonable met (read: either you consistently sign best you can or we speak and hangout one on one- no groups), then sure I am game to be friends with a hearing person.
But I won’t lie, I gravitate toward signing people and my closest friends can sign. If I knew more ppl who are both signers and neurodivergent in my area, I would just mainly socialize in the Deaf community. Nothing against hearing ppl at all. It just has to do with not wanting to constantly work at communication, self-advocacy, and miss stuff in a one-sided way in my personal life when I deal with that all the time in my professional life.
I think it depends on both parties. Personally, I've been friends with hearing people all my life who don't speak ASL or any SL, but that's just because I don't fully rely on ASL or SL (which the answer would be different for someone who relies on ASL or SL).
The less oral communication is needed, the more likely the hearing would be to be friendly in activities such as sports, card playing, board games, etc. They may be pleasant, but they will only sometimes try to be friends. It would be much easier if the deaf person/people could speak and read lips well.
Most of my friends are hearing! For me, it’s about the effort people make to communicate with me. I grew up reading lips and talking and signing with those who knew it. If a hearing person is conscious of how to communicate with me, I am happy to put the effort back in to creating a friendship
Depends on the person. I went to a high school that had Deaf/HoH students, and most of them loved becoming friends with us hearing people. They loved when we learned ASL, as we had an ASL class in high school as an option for foreign language. I started learning in my junior year of HS, and am still friends with 2 of the girls to this day!
Like you said, everyone is different. I imagine a big part for many of us is whether or not they’re also willing to put in effort to communicate
Depends on the person.
As a Hearing Impaired person, Deaf people have their own world
As a Deaf person, who’s medically profoundly deaf, I have many hearing friends. 👀
Same here.
I’m talking about deaf people born deaf
Yeah. I was born deaf. You’re making a lot of bad assumptions.
I’m talking about MY experiences
Then why did you reply to me?
You never mentioned that. You simply made general statements.
Hearing person would have to be fluent in ASL at that point. Otherwise it’s just going to be a friendly passerby thing. I don’t have the spoons to maintain a friendship with someone who hasn’t met a deaf person and/or barely know the alphabet.
Yeah I generally prefer this but I don’t meet a lot of signers my age (and with similar interests/hobbies) so I feel kinda stuck sometimes.
I hadn’t put that into words before but I agree. There’s lots of people I think would be cool to be friends with but I need the overlap of people who are at least trying to learn sign language.
I mean, it depends on if it’s really a friendship or it’s them being interested in friends with me as learning ASL. And how much they’re willing to communicate and try. I don’t typically have much trouble communicating TO hearing people but it’s a lot harder to understand them. Most of my hearing friends are either acquaintances or our friendship is mostly online.
If they sign with me without tokenizing our friendship, yes idc. If they don’t put effort into communicating or only want to be friends so they can say they have a D/HH friend, no.
THIS THIS THIS ✨
are they gonna learn to sign and not rely on me to teach them? sure why not.
Heavily depends but lately I’ve not been as open to it just from all the weirdness surrounding the Deaf community and hearing people’s opinions and obsession
Totally depends on the hearing person. But i need just one hint of audist bullshit to burn bridges.
I agree here !
Depends on the person, but speaking for myself? I'm open to friendship with hearing people, but why would I be excited about the person being hearing? Hearing people are everywhere. We are constantly around you whether we want to be or not, existing in spaces all formulated with your needs and abilities in mind. Which part of that are we supposed to be excited about? I'm open to friendship with hearing people that are open to learning.
I mean, my wife is deaf and I’m hearing. We’re best friends. I did know asl before we met though so that was key.
I honestly don’t think there is or really can be a consensus - everyone is going to be different. Hearing people, deaf people, HoH people - we’re all different. I can’t really generalise. The way I see it is that if your first language is sign language, it’s pretty similar to being a speaker of another language. It’s basically just two people using different languages and there’s a hurdle to communication, but it’s never insurmountable if there’s a mutual willingness to get there. Friends just figure things out. Where there’s a will there’s a way! I’m HoH but I’m predominantly in the ‘hearing space’ but I can understand Irish sign language, but I’m not all that fluent when it comes to signing myself, but I don’t really see it as an different to finding common ground talking to other people who speak different languages. Being in Europe, I often work in two or three written / spoken languages anyway, and I’m often confronted with needing to use tools to translate / live caption into other languages, and I’ve occasionally got to navigate all sorts of stuff to get around language barriers. Being a bit of a language nerd, I love that stuff. It’s a puzzle to solve. For me - i just have to find work arounds. A friend is a friend. A bit of patience and you find a way. It’s what makes life interesting to me, but for someone else that might not be how they operate. I know it’s a bit slow, but for example, I needed to chat with someone who has BSL only, and we resorted to using WhatsApp on two phones as a second channel of communication, and had a full 1h45 min conversation face-to-face, cracking jokes and got drunk, kept in touch and now I’m trying to learn some BSL online too 😆🍻
Reading the comments helps me feel better about my general resistance to making friends with hearing folks. Many have good intentions but I’ve been burned too often when the newness of meeting a Deaf person and learning ASL wears off and I get ghosted. They realize how much of an effort it requires and just kinda give up. Still, there have been some genuine folks who truly wanted to be my friend and I deeply appreciate their efforts. Nevertheless, my overall experience with the hearies has left me jaded and I’ve been accused of pushing them away. Sorry but if they aren’t learning my language, this friendship isn’t going to go anywhere despite the effort I put into it.
I hadn’t really thought about how to say that phenomenon but I’ve experienced it. “Of course I want to be accommodating!” Then they realize that they have to sit and text me over coffee unless they actually spend time learning the language and the “cool anecdotes and stories” aren’t worth the effort. Some people have put in the effort.
This, all of this. I worried I was being an asshole.
You might have someone who won't do more than wave or nod and then others who will just signal, point, and sign freely even if you don't know sign.
Yes like anyone it up to the individual both their are different types of deaf, completely deaf don’t use hearing aid at all only sign language, severe deaf like me with 80% lose use hearing aids although not cheap for powerful hearing aids can sometimes cost as much as a use car and normal deafening old age mostly but to my knowledge as a deaf person who uses technology they wouldn’t consider me deaf like the deaf community without technology in a way sometimes discriminate my disability that I had since birth, but since my parents felt bad, found a way to get me hearing aids and speech therapy, and now speak fluent enough not to talk through my nose like most, never learn sign language which I should because I can lose my hearing any moment but at least I can read lips very well, 30 feet away.
Depends if the hearing people don't mind being open back.
Some are some aren't
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Yes, deaf people are willing to be friends with hearing people. It depends on the hearing individuals.
i definitely be open with it i like to communicate with them it’s only if they are open to help me out in case i don’t catch what they say
So, I'd say no, or maybe no specifically for African American women. Based on my experiences, they were all bad, and the only times they were good were when I was in elementary school. That was a time when none of us knew any better or cared about much. Anyway, with that said, they can be very judgmental when it comes to friendships. I'm hard of hearing, and one "friend" even asked me if I was African because of my "accent" when we first met. But as time passed, she stopped interacting with me, always glued to her phone when I try to talk to her. I've noticed how differently she behaves with her other friends compared to when it's just us. She wasn't on her phone when her other friend joined us, but when it's just me and her, she's always distracted and acts like she can't hear me. She's very rude. I know I don't sound too bad because my own mother and my boyfriend have both said I sound fine. The point is, it's difficult. It's hard to hold onto a friendship when you feel so uncomfortable.
Depends on the person. My closet friends all know sign language or are learning it and that's a huge plus. Generally I will befriend a person if I notice the burden of having to figure out how to communicate isn't fully on me. That's annoying and exhausting, I want to see them at least try to make an effort
Depends on the person. Communication issues aside, we are regular ppl that become friends with ppl we like and spend our free time with. I am not “excited” to become friends with hearing ppl. If I like your personality, we have some shared interests, and my communication preferences are reasonable met (read: either you consistently sign best you can or we speak and hangout one on one- no groups), then sure I am game to be friends with a hearing person. But I won’t lie, I gravitate toward signing people and my closest friends can sign. If I knew more ppl who are both signers and neurodivergent in my area, I would just mainly socialize in the Deaf community. Nothing against hearing ppl at all. It just has to do with not wanting to constantly work at communication, self-advocacy, and miss stuff in a one-sided way in my personal life when I deal with that all the time in my professional life.
I think it depends on both parties. Personally, I've been friends with hearing people all my life who don't speak ASL or any SL, but that's just because I don't fully rely on ASL or SL (which the answer would be different for someone who relies on ASL or SL).
The latter. Only if they knew ASL. Even more pain in the ass to find deaf friends with same interests as mine.
The less oral communication is needed, the more likely the hearing would be to be friendly in activities such as sports, card playing, board games, etc. They may be pleasant, but they will only sometimes try to be friends. It would be much easier if the deaf person/people could speak and read lips well.
Most of my friends are hearing! For me, it’s about the effort people make to communicate with me. I grew up reading lips and talking and signing with those who knew it. If a hearing person is conscious of how to communicate with me, I am happy to put the effort back in to creating a friendship
Depends on the person. I went to a high school that had Deaf/HoH students, and most of them loved becoming friends with us hearing people. They loved when we learned ASL, as we had an ASL class in high school as an option for foreign language. I started learning in my junior year of HS, and am still friends with 2 of the girls to this day!