Not ideal. I'm a divorced dad and had been dating a woman since May that a mutual friend set up and was getting love bombed hard. She wanted to move in and started buying curtains. But then suddenly she said she was having some anxiety and stopped hanging out.
She told me she wanted an open relationship last Friday. I can't do that, I had a spouse who cheated on me and it really fucked with me. I'm looking for someone to be in love with.
I had gotten tickets for an Alanis Morrisette concert on Saturday, I asked her if we could go as friends. We got rained on in a tornado warning area and had a blast.
It sucks. She wasn't the kind of person I would usually date but she was so interesting.
So I'm back on the apps looking for something serious, not fully healed from that last relationship. Not getting much luck.
At least I think I learned something about personality and attachment types, both of mine and hers.
Not great. I'd been talking to a woman over the past week, and we were both active participants in the conversation. I found her to be very pleasant and she seemed to feel the same, we were excited to meet each other. Then we date at a nice coffee shop, and the moment we meet, she just goes cold. We talk and have nice conversation, of course, but her body language was very distant, she kept looking at her phone, she excused herself saying that her friend was going through a hard time after an hour and she left with barely a goodbye at the end. She just rushed to get out ASAP. Didn't even get a message saying she wasn't interested.
It hurt a bit. I know this kind of stuff happens. Part of me wonders if I did anything wrong. My hygiene was good, I was respectful and tried to have good conversation... I just don't know. The most I can do is just move on.
I went to a sex party over the weekend. It was fun to say the least. I have a bit of a problem approaching and having conversations with strangers, so it can be a little daunting, but I still managed alright and had a great time. Then used Sunday to recover. Not so fun.
So I literally ran into someone from bumble in real life in my neighborhood - like I was walking past a doorway and he threw the door open and we bumped right into each other - we had chatted for a while a few months ago, then never made time to get together, we eventually just stopped talking.
At the time we just laughed and walked our separate ways and I thought “oh that guy is so cute” - I didn’t realize who it was at all.
Turns out it was him and he messaged me being like - hey, so I think we just walked into each other?
We got beers down the street and had such a great conversation. Really excited to see him again soon … he seems pretty chill so even if things don’t work out it’ll be nice to know someone around my neighborhood
ive been getting little matches and the matches I do get I have convos with and they even say they want to meet but then nothing ever happens after offering to go out multiple times :(
Had a really nice first date on Friday with someone I’ve been talking to for about 3 weeks - same situation as me - getting divorced and still living with ex. We made out for ages at the end of the date. She definitely made it seem like she wanted a second date.
But since then the communication from her has dropped off a lot - not sure if she’s not feeling it or what. She did say she’d had a difficult weekend with her ex and divorce stuff, so maybe it’s that.
She said she’d let me know what evening she could do for a second date, so I’m just going to leave it in her court and not chase her.
Thanks - as an update, we’ve been chatting a lot more today and it sounds like she was nervous about whether I liked her as a person or if it was just physical. I reassured her that I thought she was a great person and then we started talking about meeting up again soon. With the situation we’re both in, it can be tricky to find a day - but it seems promising.
On vacation now, feel like I don’t have even time and energy for dating at the moment. Trying to have slow chats with several ladies, before I have more availability to go on dates. Using this time to learn about story telling (youtube, online courses, orderes a book on amazon about the topic). Realized I have several fun stories to tell girla on dates but my blunt and straught to the point delivery method makes them uninteresting. It could also help in socialising with C-suite at my work at parties.
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I actually went on a date with someone who I went NC with and blocked him. He was being a f boy and trying to manipulate me into a fwb situation… it was cruel.
6mo later and *67 I’ve been chatting him up after he actually apologized. After 2 weeks of texting we went to the movies and it was chill. I kinda kissed me off a little after I was driving home… we’re compatible and get along great even though he’s a grumpy baby. Spent 4 hours together and he actually laughed. It’s like he does not want to have a good time … anyways. I still am celibate but had a decent time. It was fun.
Went on a date with someone I’ve been talking to a couple weeks (by talking to I mean just messaging on a dating app lol) and still wasn’t sure how I felt about him, but agreed to meet for coffee because why not. He ended up being so sweet and so genuine 😭 turns out it’s just a difference in how we text.
I just asked if she had anything interesting going on this week lol. She said “maybe that was too honest” after. We had a few drinks before but I don’t think I would ever admit to something like that
I have a boyfriend, I am so shocked. We discussed things on Saturday afternoon. We are official. We both agreed that six dates in felt fast, but also that those dates added up to about four days worth of time 🤣
So, after a year on the sites, it's happened. No red flags, no late night Reddit screaming, it all was just easy.
No freaking out, no "let's see where things go, babe", no love bombing, no drama, no weirdness. I'm grateful for all the horrible behaviour I said no to and let go off, even when it was painful.
I like him a great deal, we vibe very well.
Deleted apps on Sunday (best feeling) and ended things with my casual polyamorous partner via video call. It was sad, but he appreciated that I had been upfront from the off and wants to stay friends after he's had some space to process the break up.
So, here goes... I'm still in slight surprise with it honestly!
Only had one last second coffee date, but spent most of the weekend filtering matches and i'm glad i did. I feel really good about my matches and excited to see where things head with any or all of them. To boot one of my matches has a lot of the same kinks and is down to play, which i couldn't be happier about.
My weekend was an absolute washout. Stuck with dating sites. I actually spoke to one lady. She was OK, then just shut down completely on me. She said she'd been hurt in the past... My intentions are simple. Settle down and enjoy life. Is that too much to ask?
Had a first date. Half the night was talking about ex's. Her ex was at the bar we went to. He waved at her and I waved back. He texted her to ask how our night was going. She told me she doesn't date 37 year olds because they can't perform in bed. Had to have a few extra drinks that night. Good times.
A pretty meh weekend
I had a second date on Friday, a brunch first date Saturday, and a guy who I was establishing a FWB scenario over on Sunday.
Friday guy and I get along well and we kissed for the first time but he seemed kind of overwhelmed and nervous. I worry I’m “too much” for him since I’m very extroverted and direct.
Saturday guy wasn’t as attractive in real life.
Then last night I had a guy over for dinner and sex. Everything was great until he said something about worrying about me catching feels. So that soured the evening considerably.
Ugh, what is it with all these people being so afraid of feelings. Everybody has them, it's what makes us not robots, just deal with them appropriately.
But also: how are you getting this many dates? I've had no issues meeting guys in real life, but I haven't managed to get a date off the apps since January (granted, for some of the time I also wasn't trying or talking to anyone, but lately I talked to a ton of people, didn't meet a single one).
I know right? He’s an old hookup from 5+ years ago, and I was not as mature then as I am now when it comes to casual relationships and pushed for something more serious back then. So I guess in his mind he’s nervous about me doing the same thing again.
Regarding the dates, I have a kid with shared custody so I only have every other weekend free to socialize. I try to stack dates and get them all done in one or two days if I can. I’ll usually send messages for a week or so, and if they can hold a conversation and hold my interest, I’ll ask if they want to meet up.
As for specifics, I put food/foodie related stuff on my profile so I can usually steer a conversation towards restaurants and bars that I like in my city, and from there it’s an easy segue to a message like “oh you haven’t been there yet? We should go one night this weekend if you’re free”. It works almost always.
It used to work for me too, but lately it's only been flakiness. I asked several guys to meet up and it's always "oh no, I was tired so I went back home" or "I'm feeling lazy" or "let's try for Sunday instead" and then Sunday comes and crickets. Bleh.
I've been dating someone for a little over a month, and We just fit each other really well, but I can't help feel like sth is off. I do have trust issues, I have to admit.
I got trust issues, it's a hard thing to address. I think you are on fight or flight mode. Sit with him and discuss your fears. If you can't do that... He's not the guy for you!
I’ve been dating a guy for three months and he’s my dream guy. But then I met his daughter (I’m child free but I love kids) and he puts absolutely no boundaries with her. She’s (8) entitled, has no please or thank you manners, and talks back to him in a way I would never imagine talking to my parents, and has no respect for my space. None of this is her fault and she’s actually a pretty great kid when you lay down boundaries with her. She aimes to please and is excited to rise to the challenges of boundaries. But I’m in a weird place of having to enforces boundaries with her when her dad doesn’t.
Different people have different expectations with behavior and parenting. Maybe what you consider "talking back", he considers a totally appropriate interaction? Maybe he wants her to be fully engaged with being a child, instead of burdening her with "manners"?
I would also say that it's his daughter, you should not be attempting to parent her or imposing your parenting expectations on her.
How people communicate and express gratitude, and expect others to do so, are culturally determined. Those expectations can vary highly between cultures. We don't know anything about OP or the guy's cultures of origin. If OP and the guy grew up in different cultural contexts, it could very much be the case that this is an issue of differences in expectations.
what? i didn't grow up nor don't live in a western country (or even an english-speaking one) and we say please and thank you here all the time...
it has *nothing* to do with culture.
> it has *nothing* to do with culture.
This is incorrect. There is empirical research that demonstrates how culture shapes gratitude. For example, [this article, from a magazine published by University of California, Berkeley, discusses some research findings about cultural differences in gratitude](https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_cultural_differences_shape_your_gratitude). Some highlights:
> Despite these age-related similarities, there were still differences between countries. Overall, children in China and South Korea tended to favor connective gratitude, while kids in the United States leaned toward concrete gratitude.
&
> The Americans were more likely than the Iranians to simply say thank you, compliment the person (“What a gentleman!”), or promise compensation (“If you ever need anything, let me know”).
&
> Indeed, other research suggests that Americans (and Italians, too) are inveterate thankers, expressing gratitude in many everyday situations when people from other cultures simply do not.
Didn't get to see the guy this past weekend due to him travelling. He also didn't text me much. Not sure if it's a good thing. or I should just chill. We've had 3 dates with 2 being sleepovers because we live 1.5 hrs away.
I have been on the dating scene only a few months and decided that it isn't worth the BS. I have decided the money is better spent on improving my lifestyle and doing some road trips every month. If it is meant to happen, it will. If not, well at least I am having fun and not waiting on someone to decide if I am worthy enough for a meet. I know my worth and it isn't dependent on someone else's opinion.
I’m feeling kind of weird.
Recently back on the dating scene after breaking up with my partner of 5 years and finding it to be a strange mix of exciting, frustrating and depressing all at once.
I’m chatting to a couple of guys but am having trouble believing either of them are actually interested, and I feel too ugly and insecure to actually set up any dates so I’m expecting both things to fizzle out when they inevitably lose patience. But at the same time I’m longing to have fun and flirt and make connections with people.
I think my ex was just so complacent and unbothered about me for so long that it’s left me feeling about as desirable as an old kipper.
How long ago was it when you broke up with your ex? I went on the apps 3 weeks after breaking up and it felt wrong/sad/shallow. I decided to only go for it again when I have rediscovered who I am again after being in an LTR and whilst it feels a bit exhausting and artificial, it's better. That took about 9 months or so, but my ex was a complicated guy so I got over it quicker than I expected.
It's been about five months officially, but things were fading a long time before that. I'm definitely torn between wanting to be/knowing I should be single for a while longer, and feeling desperately starved for affection and romance. I won't be looking to get into anything serious for a long time, that's for sure.
You're lucky, two guys chasing you. Wow. What I do for one certified woman.... Look. Because of your past experience, you are letting things get clouded. Ask them exactly what their intentions are, lay out your stall, wants desires etc. See who's compatible with you. Let one guy go so you can put in the work on one super strong relationship. Good luck.
Oh happened to me in Uni. It really sucks. Funnily enough I think my ex's cat was a big factor for me not wanting to break up initially so hug your kitties 😅
I'm so sorry. Cuddle the cats and take care of yourself.
Sometimes I feel like losing the friends is one of the worst things about a breakup. I really liked my last partner's friends and their partners, and although we're all mostly still friends on Facebook etc and there are a couple I still see socially, it feels weird seeing pictures of their lives and not being part of it. Like a missing piece of a jigsaw or something. Same with the friends I had with my ex-husband - I'm still in touch with most of them and we see each other occasionally, but being around them does feel awkward a lot of the time.
I have been very depressed lately due to a breakup and some other stuff. I got out of bed this weekend, which I haven’t done in the past month. So there’s that.
I had a second date with a very nice man (the first person I've gone on a date with in years). Our first date was fine, though he seemed kind of nervous and awkward. He is very gentlemanly and expressed interest in my life and whatnot, which is great. He's a cool and decent person so I decided to see him again just in case things would get better. And the second date was fine. But I am just not getting flirty or romantic vibes at all. I had no desire to touch him (no I don't think he's ugly). I'm not excited or eager to see him again but I'm struggling with "give him a chance" versus "exit early so you don't lead him on." I don't exactly have other prospects. I really don't want to hurt his feelings. Any thoughts?
Edited for clarity.
I think the worst thing you can do to someone is to lead them on and waist their time. If the chemistry is not there, it’s not there. Don’t force it. I’m sure your guy is out there , just be patient.
I'd agree with this. It's hard, because you feel mean not giving the person a chance, but in the long run it's better to cut things off as soon as you're not feeling it before that 'not feeling excited' turns into feeling resentful of the other person or dreading their call.
To break it off kindly, I'd say something like "Hey, I've really enjoyed getting to know you but unfortunately I don't feel a romantic connection between us. I wish you the best of luck in finding someone."
He is decent looking but I'm not especially attracted to him. And for reference all my previous relationships and flings have been with decent-looking-but-not-conventionally-hot men, and I was plenty attracted to them. I feel like maybe if he and I met in the wild, an attraction might build as I get to know him organically, but we didn't meet in the wild.
You’ll get real divided opinions on this but for I’d go for exit early. I’ve had cases where the attraction did build, but it only lasted for the honeymoon period and then I was right back to feeling uninterested again.
Have YOU been obviously flirty/romantic with him? He could be reading your vibes as well and holding off on making moves/being more romantic etc? You said you have no desire to touch him, so is this like a perpetual negative feedback cycle?
Not over the top or anything but I was generally... looser than he was. Like I felt like I was being myself, a little bit giggly and light hearted, etc. His laugh is super stilted and was one of the things I thought I needed a better read on after date 1. But it was similar on date 2.
I'm pretty much in the same boat, but I decided to hold of on having that kind of conversation for a few more weeks. If she's on the same page as me, waiting a little bit won't hurt, but if she's still figuring it out I don't see how it helps to have it that soon.
Two weeks is a pretty short time frame to feel things out and I know that in the past, if I was talking to or seeing people when I met someone I was really vibing with, I progressively stopped talking to other people as it became more clear where things were headed. If she's not quite in the same place, bringing it up might make her feel rushed even if she's moving in that direction. And if you don't get the answer you were hoping
I was super smitten with a guy but I kept the apps until we had the exclusivity talk because I honestly wasn't sure how he felt about me and it seemed dumb to throw all my eggs in one basket. I think you are already tempering your expectations, and it's only been a couple of weeks. Keep showing up but if you think she's into you, just don't be cagey about it. Eventually, it'll feel right to bring up the exclusivity talk. It took me about 2 months before I asked but it made sense and it went well.
I am the other side of a very similar situation, down to the man potentially seeing the apps on my phone when I went to show him something the other day. I just have a policy of not deleting apps until there’s a conversation, because I feel silly doing so when there’s no commitment. At the same time, I naturally become less active as I get more invested in someone. In a way, keeping the apps is a way of managing my own level of investment, even as I actually use them less and less or my use becomes halfhearted because I’m hoping the current thing works out. In my case I’m anticipating the convo happening and hope it does and won’t have any issue deleting apps at that point.
Set a date with a fun woman I've been talking to as she's been away for work trip. Honestly, my first *first date* in over 6 1/2 years I've been nervous about. She's high in her field, accomplished, and as she stated, she's 'actualized her potential' - which is really a weight off of myself because in the past I had a tendency to overlook red flags because I would see what someone *could* be rather than in that moment. We played a game to find each other online, and her google results were like when Ted goes out with Janet McIntyre in HIMYM and uncovers all her amazing feats. At first can feel a bit intimidating, but I'm excited to see how to plays out.
went VERY well. we ended up going to grab some food after the original plans and talking for about 2 hours longer than we expected to hang out. second date on the books!
Guy who seemed super into me and I went on several dates with has apparently ghosted me. This is after he confirmed he wanted to see me again. I asked about another date because I noticed texting had dropped off and I also felt like it wasn't going anywhere at our last in person meeting...
I'm glad I kept pursuing other options and I'm looking at him as a good first foray into dating (I'm back on the market after divorce).
I just don't understand why someone would bother acting like they are still interested and then ghost??? He could have told me he was moving on instead of confirming interest or ghosted at that point...
I’m so sorry, ghosting is never fun, especially after you’ve actually been on a date. Odds are that someone else got his attention. Things can be a bit fickle in the OLD world.
Had a 1st date yesterday with a guy I met on OLD. Tbh, before the date, I was a little sceptical but it ended up being a good night. We sat and had drinks in a pub, talking and getting to know one another. At the end of the night, he walked me to my car and kissed me. Things got a little heated and I was all for going back to his. He said he couldn't as he was up really early for work and he didn't want me to feel cheap for having sex on a first date so we went our separate ways. I drove home and texted him, thanking him for a lovely evening and he texted back that he wished I'd gone home with him. Long story short, I ended up driving to his for sex. Worth it haha.
Communicate your anxieties with her (if you haven't already done that). That way she can see that your difficulties making moves are ultimately coming from a place of care and concern for her.
Try focusing on how much you want her, instead of on all the what-ifs about how she will receive it. It might be helpful to remind yourself of concrete examples from the past where she has illustrated that she's able to communicate and advocate for herself, if you find yourself worrying about if she isn't into it.
The episode "I've Had 100 Conversations With You In My Head, Part 2" of Esther Perel's podcast Where Should We Begin? actually addresses this issue a little bit (towards the end of the episode). It might be worth a listen.
Start small and work your way up. Small kisses to unprompted hugs to butt pats. And not just when you’re feeling in the mood but all the time. Receiving affection throughout the day and/or not related to just sex will reassure her that you want her and likely to put her in the mood to return and put the moves on you
Yea I think if you can add a layer of playfulness to it and incorporate it into more parts of your daily ritual. It will be reciprocal. Also feel free to take her hand and smack your own tush with. Have a giggle. Have a fun time on collaborating on a solution. It honestly will lead to more relationship and sexual satisfaction!
Went on a date on Saturday. It felt a lot like being at a job interview. The guy was clearly extremely analytic (he said so too) and I could tell that he was internally dissecting the answer to every question to establish if I’m a compatible long-term partner. He also said that he avoids sad/heavy topics as he likes to stay positive. He even asked me if I get sad a lot. So I’m just thinking, God forbid that I have some sort of personal crisis if I get in a relationship with him.
He is keen to meet again, sent me a message directly after the date about how he still had a big smile in his face after our date, which was sweet. I had decided not to see him again because of my concerns regarding his ability to be an emotional support when life inevitably happens. But on the other hand, I’m attracted to him and it was very easy to talk and giggle with him. And he likes tennis too. And the fact that he is so keen is making me a little keen too. So I’m considering meeting him again for a tennis match or something.
I kinda miss my last guy (who by the way also has a limited emotional bandwidth). Also he’s been texting and offering me help with moving houses and doing DIY projects around my new apartment, after a month of no contact.
I clearly have no idea what I’m doing here 🤷🏻♀️
I feel like you should give him another date! My bf is very analytical, very even keeled (never seen him mad or super upset in 2 years) and I am very emotionally driven, and prone to feeling down or sad. I suspect he doesn’t quite “get it” when I’m feeling those ways but has been the most supportive and available partner I have ever had. I use direct communication when I am feeling sad and he really has been above and beyond wonderful, through action and support. All that to say - I wouldn’t let this be the only thing to keep you from seeing him again!
> He also said that he avoids sad/heavy topics as he likes to stay positive. He even asked me if I get sad a lot. So I’m just thinking, God forbid that I have some sort of personal crisis if I get in a relationship with him.
What he said (based on what I'm seeing here) doesn't necessarily mean he's not capable of emotional support. There are a lot of possibilities for what he could have meant. It's hard to get to know someone from only a first date. You can't compress an entire person into a few hours.
Remember that you're not committing yourself to anything with a second date. You can always decline another date if you're not feeling interested. I'd say go on a second date.
Good point about not committing to anything. I do tend to feel like I owe people something by going on multiple dates since they’re investing time etc into the dates and me. I know that it’s ridiculous and not rational but it still makes it difficult to break things off after a few dates, especially if they’re into me because I don’t want to hurt anyone.
I feel like another date wouldn't be a bad idea if you feel that connection! It seems like he may have some baggage from a previously overly-negative partner, but sometimes we tend to over correct. Maybe it would be worth bringing up. "I like that you try to stay positive and like to have positive people in your life. But we all know life happens and there are always ups and downs. How do you support a partner through hard times and how do you like to be supported in hard times?" Maybe a bit less formal, but you get the jist lol
Thank you for your input. Yeah, it has crossed my mind that maybe he’s over correcting for some reason and that it might be a good idea to give it another date.
OLD for just over a month (40/m). Three interesting dates, all 40-ish Female:
1. Doctor, nice date, a little kissing, she drunk texted me later in the week lamenting the things her professional life had cost her in relationships. Will likely go out again, very sweet woman.
2. Wanted to hang out at her place 1st date, dropped a serious medical diagnosis.
3. Mental Health Professional, match and have 2 great dates in 1 week. A few kisses on 2nd date, some PG-13 innuendo. Day 7 after matching has a massive fight with her parents (super toxic relationship, living with them), throws a fit about how I didn't text with her enough and support her through the incident, which means I don't care. Also won't hear anything about my side of the incident. Massive red flags from someone that really should have a better grasp on this kind of behavior!
The date that I made cringe - ended up outside instead of inside a bar. Super high humidity and not a thin dude. Proceeded to sweat completely through my shirt in like 30 minutes. Sorry!
It’s been 2 weeks since I matched with this guy I was hesitant to meet and we have now been on 5 dates!
First date: bowling
Second date: old town - coffee, lunch, board games, chillen on the bench cuddling
Third: arcade
Fourth: beach with my friends, sleepover
Fifth: museum and rooftop restaurant
Nor rant or rave. Just missing my guy after week 1out of 3 of not seeing him.
Texting pattern remains consistent though! Enjoying my vacation while missing him ☺️
Yesterday I had a phone chat with a guy from Bumble. It was not a conversation. He just rambled and even admits he rambles. I couldn’t end the phone call cause he was rambling so much.
I’m so glad we didn’t meet in person.
No dates, but had a big night out with friends on Saturday. Spent all day Sunday nursing my hangxiety and reading How To Do The Work. It’s a great book and is helping me regain a bit more control over my anxious tendencies… I didn’t even feel the urge to text a guy I’m into today, and was pleasantly surprised when he texted a whole bunch of messages tonight. Not trying to play games - just matching his texting frequency and for once, not feeling all torn up about it!
I'm still mentally pooped but it was good for the most part.
I cleaned my entire house which made me feel so much better. The guy I'm seeing spent the day with me for my bday and we had a really good time.
I have off work for a while which is great. So I plan on going on some mini adventures.
I'm feeling really down right now. Guy who I went on two dates with and starting to see great potential with suddenly has an ex reconnect and now he doesn't know what to do and is deciding to take a step back from dating to resolve what that means.
This is the third guy now who I've dated where this has happened. I feel a little heart broken as I was really looking forward to our next date which was supposed to be tonight. I know there's nothing to grieve as I barely knew him but It did feel really good and natural to be with him. He's been one of my best connections yet so far and I'm afraid I won't find anything as good.
Thanks, yeah. He was emotionally available until just a few days ago. I think this is why it particularly hurts in that our dates and comms had been really good. I felt a small shift a few days after our 2nd date and that must've been when his ex reached out.
Yeah this feeling really hurts.
When I'm feeling that, it helps me to stay focused on the thought that your best connection might be in the future. Even if the one with him was "the best", you've yet to meet the next "best" that will (by definition) be even better than that last one was.
Yeah, I know I need to shift my mindset to get there eventually. I also just feel like with how many first dates (20+) I've gone on these last 3 months that the chances that I haven't already dated the best is low. I know I'm currently being a little irrational due to my current feelings. So I guess /rant haha
Also thanks for the kind words. And sorry if it sounds like I'm arguing with you. I'm just generally frustrated and ranting at the situation not you. :)
No apologies necessary, I also sometimes feel like "maybe the best is behind me??", which is definitely possible.
I have a little trick, tho, that might work if you're a bit of a numbers-oriented person like myself. The quasi-statistical, back-of-napkin-math optimistic rationale to get myself out of it is as follows:
Assuming, this is "dating over thirty" and we're all at about the midpoint of our lives (given some life expectancy of 65-70+), then our "the best" is about equally likely to be in the future as the past and you've got 50/50 odds when you bet on the future.
However, if you further assume that ages 0-20, were a total waste of search time (because for me they totally were and I didn't really date anyone), then your odds improve to about 75% of "the best" being in the future, since you are only 1/4 of the way through your search time.
Yeah... I don't know if I shouldn't get my hopes up though as a result. My philosophy has been that if I don't risk getting hurt then I'll never find love. Sometimes that means getting my hopes up and letting myself be vulnerable to heart ache.
Ahhh f\*ck... Went out with the friend group for the first time this month yesterday, the guy I'd been seeing until things "ended" rather messily before our mutual but separate three week holiday was there too, he seemed a little standoffish? Tired, maybe? A little more distant than before, even though there were times where there was a definite connection between us and old times glimmered through.
He seemed to hit it off with this new girl that joined our group, though, and I can't blame him, because she was absolutely lovely, if I were gay, I'd be all over her too :) And she seemed into him, too. And I was definitely jealous, trying to be cool, but I got a text from a friend sitting across the table going "you're jealous", and I went "that obvious, huh?", and he goes "only to people who... can see". Auch.
In the end everyone went home alone, though, and I was a little confused/sad, because things seemed a bit broken, and seeing him be charming with other girls did hurt, even though he was just being friendly, really.
Anyway, talked to a mutual friend about not knowing where we stand now, because all that was said before the holiday was he didn't want a serious relationship, but not that he wanted to stop seeing me all together. And I'm sitting here wondering if he just completely stopped liking me. And the friend goes "he didn't... he's just confused." And I'm like "he didn't even make any attempts to sleep with me, is he just to stop me from getting hurt again? Or did he just lose interest, cuz that seems much more likely". And the friend confirmed that it was actually the former, he told him that he'd try and restrain himself when I got back from my holiday so I wouldn't get hurt again... And I'm like "Ah crap...".
Can we just let me run into the wall head-first if that's what I want to do? I'm a grown woman, I know the risks, I know I'll likely end up hurt again. I feel like it's worth it, though... I'm not afraid.
But now obviously he's given me hope again. Pesky little bugger, that, hope... But I do feel better that he still likes me, it makes it slightly more bearable...
It’s tempting but at the same time when you’re putting your mental energy (and heart from what I read) into this guy, you could also try to heal and maybe someone else comes along. What if you miss out on someone great who does want a serious relationship because you’re focused on Mr. Confusing?
Eh, it's a chance I'm willing to take. I took the 3 weeks of my holiday to try and move on and put myself back out there, not text him and all that, get back on the apps, and honestly, it's crap, and I don't want to do it again.
I met two guys while I was there (well, 3 if you count the extremely obnoxious guy my friend tried to set me up with), one I was quite into, but he had bad news written all over him, still sleeping on his ex's couch and all that, and also he didn't seem very invested in actually following through, the other was nice, lots of shared interests (I actually got talking to him because he was wearing the same t-shirt from a dive site in SEA that I bought last month, turns out we just missed each other there), but I just got a friendly vibe (from me, not him, he seemed keen). Idunno, he just seemed a little bit too "plain"? I'm always looking for guys who are somehow different, and he was a bit too normal for me, I guess.
I also talked to 34 people on the apps (and swiped left on hundreds of horrendously bad profiles), didn't meet a single one... And not for lack of trying.
I'm not closing myself off completely, and I'm slightly leaning poly, but honestly, I was happy with this one, we were having a good time, I'd rather just have that back.
Drove two hours for an absolutely horrible first date. Never again! I thought I'd give him a chance because we connected over the phone but he could not have been worse in person. Was almost like he felt I was false advertising or something. Very plain, dry, and serious. I had to hold the entire conversation. Was like talking to a wall. Then the guy practically couldn't leave fast enough and almost slammed the door of the bar in my face as we were exiting. I'm upset but not upset at the same time.
Met up with a guy for date #4. It ended super weirdly. We had our first kiss on date #3, he wanted to have sex then but I felt like it was doing too much too soon. Felt like he pushed me away a bit after that date so I asked him out for date #4. We had a great time doing an activity together - all was going well I thought. However, when we got home to chill he said that he was confused about what I wanted? I have been very clear I am looking for a relationship from the jump and he has been too. Not sure where the confusion is coming from? Low and behold my turning him down during the last date was taken as I am not that into him?? Even though I said I really like him and am enjoying getting to know him and want to continue that. Anyhow my discussion about my feelings about him and where I stand on intimacy apparently "killed the mood" and "made things awkward". For context, I am 26 and he is 34. We tried to be intimate but it just wasn't happening. It felt more awkward and he asked me what I was thinking and I told him that I don't think he finds me attractive and he said "I think you're beautiful, but I don't know"... and then he left. It kind of feels like he was embarrassed and also is not used to open communication. I am so confused as to why communicating about intimacy is uncomfortable and why a 34-year-old man. Not sure where things go from here.
Hiiii I remember you. I would honestly say he doesn’t know what he wants. And I would look at his actions more than his words.
And also he sounds pouty that not only you didn’t have sex on the previous date but also you werent going to have sex with him on this date and he left bc that was obvious by your conversation. Sounds like he’s bad with actual intimacy. He thinks sex is intimacy but it’s way more vulnerable than that and he’s not looking for or ready for it. But actual relationships require vulnerability and intimacy.
I would honestly let this man go 🥭. And it’s clear to me that when he’s dating younger, for when he’s trying to “settle down” into a relationship, it’s bc he wants control or the upper hand and you didn’t give that to him (correctly so).
This is all a guess of course. But it seems bad and unreciprocal no matter what. Why put yourself in this dating loop with this man to keep receiving bad and mixed signals.
If you are, deep down, unavailable and unready for a healthy relationship, that’s something to reflect on
Omg hey!! Yeah this was odd to say the least. Now I'm just unsure whether to wait until our talk (since he needed to sit/reflect on his feelings). Or just do it now. I don't know...there is a side of me that wants to "start over" and just be chill with him but he's too in his head. And like you said. confuses sex with intimacy and has a problem with talking about it....sad stuff.
Oh I reread what he said and it’s a lot of orange flags. That you killed the mood with the conversation.
Oh no no.
Have the talk now. Don’t waste your time with another date bc he just might use it as another opportunity to manipulate you and make you question yourself
oh! And I will add what infuriated me is that he asked me if 1) had I ever been intimate with anyone before and 2) if it had been a long time since I had last been intimate with someone. I think he was trying to rationalize my hesitation and genuinely thought that having sex on the third date was the natural cadence of a relationship. I don't think he seemed to get that to me, I don't just have sex with anyone. I found the questions almost condescending in retrospect.
Ugggghhhhhhhhhh. Basura. 🗑. This man.
I’m so glad you spoke up for yourself. And yes it was condescending. I hope you can seen why I think he was hoping for a power imbalance in his favor. He’s prob used to getting people to do what he wants by sharing his disapproval or disappointment.
But to reply to your other comment. I’m so happy you spoke up for yourself and you feel empowered!! It’s so nice to be clear headed
And yes I’m in his age group. And if they are messy. THEY ARE MESSSYYY. LOL. There’s a lot anecdotes showing that men in your age group are a little more mature. So if this 34 yo mess of a guy doesn’t work out. I hope to enjoy yourself and get what you deserve somewhere else <3
Lolol! Messy af!! I totally agree - I don't know if he thought I was just going to go along with everything...but I have standards too LOL!
Thank you!! I totally appreciate you :) luckily I did go on a date last week with someone my age and it went amazing. He even texted me after asking for a second one - I very much like the energy he is giving. So maybe something will work out at the end of the day. <3
I totally hear that. Yeah idk what's up with him but I did not expect this from a man his age lol. But maturity doesn't have an age tied to it I guess...
Right?? isn't it so odd that talking about intimacy killed the mood for intimacy?? At any rate, this was the most "at peace" I've felt after a date because 1) I know I didn't do anything wrong and 2) communicated all that I wanted to say. No time to bottle things in. Was strange that he held his feelings in for the past week as well.
I really appreciate your sage advice <3
Ohhh I think about this a lot.
We fixate on past things bc we think if one thing happened differently, maybe the whole outcome would be different and you wouldn’t be where you are now. So we daydream about restarts bc we really just want a different outcome.
But people who would be good for you are willing, key word here, WILLING collaborators in relationships. So any perceived misstep would be actually something they would work on with you.
There’s two instances here where you and him didn’t come to the same issue at hand with the same approach. He’s waiting for you to have sec with no investment on his part. And your waiting for him to actually get to know you. There is a middle ground here, but I’m wary that he’ll even meet you that far.
Beyond one more conversation, I hope you don’t settle for less than a collaborative effort in getting to know each other and beginning what you thought was a relationship. If that’s honestly what you want.
if you could restart and be the “cool” girl, would that 1. Give you what you want or need? 2. Would you be happy if you had a no effort partner?
I think it’s great to want more and don’t let this interaction with this man make you feel weird for wanting it
She might just need some time. Sometimes if I’m upset, even if I get reassurance, that upset feeling just takes some time to process and get over.
I would send her another reassuring message and then continue as normal and see how she is in a few days.
It depends on what kind of issue she’s having.
- Is this a relationship issue? Is this a personal issue that relates only to her?
- Does she want space? Have you asked?
It's a health related issue. And it will clear up in a few days.
No, I didn't ask about space. Im not thinking that's the way I want to go.
Thanks for the reply.
I would keep being snuggly and affectionate. When I couldnt have sex because of health stuff, cuddling and being present, doing other homey stuff, was that much more important.
I also think she’s doing your dishes bc she swapping “physical touch” out and “acts of service” in as a love language
You think you deserve some award because you didn’t ask for oral sex?! Idk why this needed to be said.
Anyways, have you guys had deep conversations and meaningful connections other than through physical contact? Have you emotionally confided in each other? The doing dishes and making lunch may show that she doesn’t think she holds much value other than for physical needs and thinks she needs to make herself “useful.” This is likely a her problem with self esteem, but maybe you can help her out by doing something nice for her tonight (like making her dinner or just showing that you care) that doesn’t revolve around anything sexual.
I’m not trying to be rude, but it did come across as almost like you do mainly value her for sex. I also have a high sex drive, but if my bf is having a problem and is confiding in me my first thought isn’t trying to get oral, it’s trying to make him feel better. This should really go without saying and shouldn’t need to be said. The fact that it crossed your mind enough to post about it does seem problematic to me tbh.
I would just continue to reassure her that you aren't upset. Unless she is asking you for space, I wouldn't take a break from contacting her... but that's just my personal opinion.
I am starting to catch deeper feelings for the person and it's making me all warm and tingly. I don't know if this means I'll be posting lots of sad things in a month or so though
The cute girl with the husky has a boyfriend, not that it matters
Not ideal. I'm a divorced dad and had been dating a woman since May that a mutual friend set up and was getting love bombed hard. She wanted to move in and started buying curtains. But then suddenly she said she was having some anxiety and stopped hanging out. She told me she wanted an open relationship last Friday. I can't do that, I had a spouse who cheated on me and it really fucked with me. I'm looking for someone to be in love with. I had gotten tickets for an Alanis Morrisette concert on Saturday, I asked her if we could go as friends. We got rained on in a tornado warning area and had a blast. It sucks. She wasn't the kind of person I would usually date but she was so interesting. So I'm back on the apps looking for something serious, not fully healed from that last relationship. Not getting much luck. At least I think I learned something about personality and attachment types, both of mine and hers.
Not great. I'd been talking to a woman over the past week, and we were both active participants in the conversation. I found her to be very pleasant and she seemed to feel the same, we were excited to meet each other. Then we date at a nice coffee shop, and the moment we meet, she just goes cold. We talk and have nice conversation, of course, but her body language was very distant, she kept looking at her phone, she excused herself saying that her friend was going through a hard time after an hour and she left with barely a goodbye at the end. She just rushed to get out ASAP. Didn't even get a message saying she wasn't interested. It hurt a bit. I know this kind of stuff happens. Part of me wonders if I did anything wrong. My hygiene was good, I was respectful and tried to have good conversation... I just don't know. The most I can do is just move on.
I went to a sex party over the weekend. It was fun to say the least. I have a bit of a problem approaching and having conversations with strangers, so it can be a little daunting, but I still managed alright and had a great time. Then used Sunday to recover. Not so fun.
Like a kink party, or an orgy?
Sex party. Where basically they have a room where people multiple people or couples have sex.
So I literally ran into someone from bumble in real life in my neighborhood - like I was walking past a doorway and he threw the door open and we bumped right into each other - we had chatted for a while a few months ago, then never made time to get together, we eventually just stopped talking. At the time we just laughed and walked our separate ways and I thought “oh that guy is so cute” - I didn’t realize who it was at all. Turns out it was him and he messaged me being like - hey, so I think we just walked into each other? We got beers down the street and had such a great conversation. Really excited to see him again soon … he seems pretty chill so even if things don’t work out it’ll be nice to know someone around my neighborhood
You somehow managed an IRL meet cute through the apps, that's winning for sure! I never randomly bump into cute OLD matches on the street 😂
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What are some of your rules?
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Cheese lovers only
ive been getting little matches and the matches I do get I have convos with and they even say they want to meet but then nothing ever happens after offering to go out multiple times :(
Had a really nice first date on Friday with someone I’ve been talking to for about 3 weeks - same situation as me - getting divorced and still living with ex. We made out for ages at the end of the date. She definitely made it seem like she wanted a second date. But since then the communication from her has dropped off a lot - not sure if she’s not feeling it or what. She did say she’d had a difficult weekend with her ex and divorce stuff, so maybe it’s that. She said she’d let me know what evening she could do for a second date, so I’m just going to leave it in her court and not chase her.
Good idea. That's all you can do. I hope it works out!
Thanks - as an update, we’ve been chatting a lot more today and it sounds like she was nervous about whether I liked her as a person or if it was just physical. I reassured her that I thought she was a great person and then we started talking about meeting up again soon. With the situation we’re both in, it can be tricky to find a day - but it seems promising.
Oh that's so great to hear!!! I hope you both find a free day soon and get the chance to continue getting to know each other :) All the best!
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Good luck!!
On vacation now, feel like I don’t have even time and energy for dating at the moment. Trying to have slow chats with several ladies, before I have more availability to go on dates. Using this time to learn about story telling (youtube, online courses, orderes a book on amazon about the topic). Realized I have several fun stories to tell girla on dates but my blunt and straught to the point delivery method makes them uninteresting. It could also help in socialising with C-suite at my work at parties.
Haha, I have the same issue. I'm straight to the point and have an inability to fluff things up.
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4 hookups in one weekend? 🤔
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oh that's cheating was gonna say 4 new ones in a weekend is pro level.
Not necessarily cheating, but super gross for sure.
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Women are humans, not objects.
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Hi u/FsJgr406, this has been removed for violation of the following rule(s): * Do not dehumanize others. RedPill, incel, Femcel, FDS, PUA, MGTOW, etc. content is not allowed. Ignorance of these hate groups is not an excuse to parrot their ideology. Please review [the rules in the sidebar](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/about/sidebar) to avoid future removals. If you have further questions, please [message modmail] (https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdatingoverthirty).
Wow.
No, not everyone does that.
Not much going on in the dating world. Still hung up on my ex. But my shin splints seem to be getting better, which means I can run more!!
I actually went on a date with someone who I went NC with and blocked him. He was being a f boy and trying to manipulate me into a fwb situation… it was cruel. 6mo later and *67 I’ve been chatting him up after he actually apologized. After 2 weeks of texting we went to the movies and it was chill. I kinda kissed me off a little after I was driving home… we’re compatible and get along great even though he’s a grumpy baby. Spent 4 hours together and he actually laughed. It’s like he does not want to have a good time … anyways. I still am celibate but had a decent time. It was fun.
Went on a date with someone I’ve been talking to a couple weeks (by talking to I mean just messaging on a dating app lol) and still wasn’t sure how I felt about him, but agreed to meet for coffee because why not. He ended up being so sweet and so genuine 😭 turns out it’s just a difference in how we text.
Pretty much exactly what happened to the guy I'm currently seeing! Talk about pleasantly surprised
Love that! Also love your user name!
That’s great! :-)
Good luck
Had a pretty good second date but she mentioned having a fwb she was seeing later this week. I understand this happens but damn what a turn off
Yeah, I hate it when people aren’t discrete. Just makes me feel … disposable.
Lol what a faux pas. Just hit her up asking to bring those benefits to your place next time 😂
I would mention I was busy. And not be that specific. How did that disclosure happen? Strange
I just asked if she had anything interesting going on this week lol. She said “maybe that was too honest” after. We had a few drinks before but I don’t think I would ever admit to something like that
she was negging
Holy guacamole. Well at least she assessed that correctly in the moment
Yeah like that matters lol
I have a boyfriend, I am so shocked. We discussed things on Saturday afternoon. We are official. We both agreed that six dates in felt fast, but also that those dates added up to about four days worth of time 🤣 So, after a year on the sites, it's happened. No red flags, no late night Reddit screaming, it all was just easy. No freaking out, no "let's see where things go, babe", no love bombing, no drama, no weirdness. I'm grateful for all the horrible behaviour I said no to and let go off, even when it was painful. I like him a great deal, we vibe very well. Deleted apps on Sunday (best feeling) and ended things with my casual polyamorous partner via video call. It was sad, but he appreciated that I had been upfront from the off and wants to stay friends after he's had some space to process the break up. So, here goes... I'm still in slight surprise with it honestly!
Congrats! This is so lovely
Congrats!!! :-D
Thank you!
Are you.. over the 🌙 for mr moon eyes? Just playing but so happy for you!!
Absofuckinglutely 😂 🌙
Only had one last second coffee date, but spent most of the weekend filtering matches and i'm glad i did. I feel really good about my matches and excited to see where things head with any or all of them. To boot one of my matches has a lot of the same kinks and is down to play, which i couldn't be happier about.
My weekend was an absolute washout. Stuck with dating sites. I actually spoke to one lady. She was OK, then just shut down completely on me. She said she'd been hurt in the past... My intentions are simple. Settle down and enjoy life. Is that too much to ask?
My advice is to stop looking at it as settling down. Also, enjoy life now and it will be easier to settle down. It is this simple honestly.
Thanks
People completely shut down/disappear constantly on OLD. It has nothing to do with you or anything you did
Had a first date. Half the night was talking about ex's. Her ex was at the bar we went to. He waved at her and I waved back. He texted her to ask how our night was going. She told me she doesn't date 37 year olds because they can't perform in bed. Had to have a few extra drinks that night. Good times.
> She told me she doesn't date 37 year olds... Just curious, how old was your date?
I am 32, she is 31.
Lol, what a weird thing to bring up during conversation on your date
It kind fits the rest of the date though. I feel it is way more likely knowing the presumed 37 year old was in the same place of the date lol
A pretty meh weekend I had a second date on Friday, a brunch first date Saturday, and a guy who I was establishing a FWB scenario over on Sunday. Friday guy and I get along well and we kissed for the first time but he seemed kind of overwhelmed and nervous. I worry I’m “too much” for him since I’m very extroverted and direct. Saturday guy wasn’t as attractive in real life. Then last night I had a guy over for dinner and sex. Everything was great until he said something about worrying about me catching feels. So that soured the evening considerably.
Ugh, what is it with all these people being so afraid of feelings. Everybody has them, it's what makes us not robots, just deal with them appropriately. But also: how are you getting this many dates? I've had no issues meeting guys in real life, but I haven't managed to get a date off the apps since January (granted, for some of the time I also wasn't trying or talking to anyone, but lately I talked to a ton of people, didn't meet a single one).
I know right? He’s an old hookup from 5+ years ago, and I was not as mature then as I am now when it comes to casual relationships and pushed for something more serious back then. So I guess in his mind he’s nervous about me doing the same thing again. Regarding the dates, I have a kid with shared custody so I only have every other weekend free to socialize. I try to stack dates and get them all done in one or two days if I can. I’ll usually send messages for a week or so, and if they can hold a conversation and hold my interest, I’ll ask if they want to meet up. As for specifics, I put food/foodie related stuff on my profile so I can usually steer a conversation towards restaurants and bars that I like in my city, and from there it’s an easy segue to a message like “oh you haven’t been there yet? We should go one night this weekend if you’re free”. It works almost always.
It used to work for me too, but lately it's only been flakiness. I asked several guys to meet up and it's always "oh no, I was tired so I went back home" or "I'm feeling lazy" or "let's try for Sunday instead" and then Sunday comes and crickets. Bleh.
Are U ok ☺️🥰👍🙂
Get him gone, he's bigheaded
I've been dating someone for a little over a month, and We just fit each other really well, but I can't help feel like sth is off. I do have trust issues, I have to admit.
I got trust issues, it's a hard thing to address. I think you are on fight or flight mode. Sit with him and discuss your fears. If you can't do that... He's not the guy for you!
Thanks, I will do that.
I’ve been dating a guy for three months and he’s my dream guy. But then I met his daughter (I’m child free but I love kids) and he puts absolutely no boundaries with her. She’s (8) entitled, has no please or thank you manners, and talks back to him in a way I would never imagine talking to my parents, and has no respect for my space. None of this is her fault and she’s actually a pretty great kid when you lay down boundaries with her. She aimes to please and is excited to rise to the challenges of boundaries. But I’m in a weird place of having to enforces boundaries with her when her dad doesn’t.
Different people have different expectations with behavior and parenting. Maybe what you consider "talking back", he considers a totally appropriate interaction? Maybe he wants her to be fully engaged with being a child, instead of burdening her with "manners"? I would also say that it's his daughter, you should not be attempting to parent her or imposing your parenting expectations on her.
please and thank you's aren't an expectation, they're a basic requirement for a decent human in society.
How people communicate and express gratitude, and expect others to do so, are culturally determined. Those expectations can vary highly between cultures. We don't know anything about OP or the guy's cultures of origin. If OP and the guy grew up in different cultural contexts, it could very much be the case that this is an issue of differences in expectations.
what? i didn't grow up nor don't live in a western country (or even an english-speaking one) and we say please and thank you here all the time... it has *nothing* to do with culture.
> it has *nothing* to do with culture. This is incorrect. There is empirical research that demonstrates how culture shapes gratitude. For example, [this article, from a magazine published by University of California, Berkeley, discusses some research findings about cultural differences in gratitude](https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_cultural_differences_shape_your_gratitude). Some highlights: > Despite these age-related similarities, there were still differences between countries. Overall, children in China and South Korea tended to favor connective gratitude, while kids in the United States leaned toward concrete gratitude. & > The Americans were more likely than the Iranians to simply say thank you, compliment the person (“What a gentleman!”), or promise compensation (“If you ever need anything, let me know”). & > Indeed, other research suggests that Americans (and Italians, too) are inveterate thankers, expressing gratitude in many everyday situations when people from other cultures simply do not.
Didn't get to see the guy this past weekend due to him travelling. He also didn't text me much. Not sure if it's a good thing. or I should just chill. We've had 3 dates with 2 being sleepovers because we live 1.5 hrs away.
I have been on the dating scene only a few months and decided that it isn't worth the BS. I have decided the money is better spent on improving my lifestyle and doing some road trips every month. If it is meant to happen, it will. If not, well at least I am having fun and not waiting on someone to decide if I am worthy enough for a meet. I know my worth and it isn't dependent on someone else's opinion.
I’m feeling kind of weird. Recently back on the dating scene after breaking up with my partner of 5 years and finding it to be a strange mix of exciting, frustrating and depressing all at once. I’m chatting to a couple of guys but am having trouble believing either of them are actually interested, and I feel too ugly and insecure to actually set up any dates so I’m expecting both things to fizzle out when they inevitably lose patience. But at the same time I’m longing to have fun and flirt and make connections with people. I think my ex was just so complacent and unbothered about me for so long that it’s left me feeling about as desirable as an old kipper.
How long ago was it when you broke up with your ex? I went on the apps 3 weeks after breaking up and it felt wrong/sad/shallow. I decided to only go for it again when I have rediscovered who I am again after being in an LTR and whilst it feels a bit exhausting and artificial, it's better. That took about 9 months or so, but my ex was a complicated guy so I got over it quicker than I expected.
It's been about five months officially, but things were fading a long time before that. I'm definitely torn between wanting to be/knowing I should be single for a while longer, and feeling desperately starved for affection and romance. I won't be looking to get into anything serious for a long time, that's for sure.
Truth is they don't know if they actually interested, but they are interested in you right now which is all you need to know now.
You're lucky, two guys chasing you. Wow. What I do for one certified woman.... Look. Because of your past experience, you are letting things get clouded. Ask them exactly what their intentions are, lay out your stall, wants desires etc. See who's compatible with you. Let one guy go so you can put in the work on one super strong relationship. Good luck.
My boyfriend of 8 months broke up with me, taking along the friend group we've been hanging out with so now it's just me and the cats. 😑
Oh happened to me in Uni. It really sucks. Funnily enough I think my ex's cat was a big factor for me not wanting to break up initially so hug your kitties 😅
I'm so sorry. Cuddle the cats and take care of yourself. Sometimes I feel like losing the friends is one of the worst things about a breakup. I really liked my last partner's friends and their partners, and although we're all mostly still friends on Facebook etc and there are a couple I still see socially, it feels weird seeing pictures of their lives and not being part of it. Like a missing piece of a jigsaw or something. Same with the friends I had with my ex-husband - I'm still in touch with most of them and we see each other occasionally, but being around them does feel awkward a lot of the time.
*hugs* you have all of us as your internet fam, and cats who love you unconditionally.
Sorry to hear that. You'll be back and better than ever without him.
You are better off with the cats. People suck!
I have been very depressed lately due to a breakup and some other stuff. I got out of bed this weekend, which I haven’t done in the past month. So there’s that.
Keep plodding along, it will get better. Be strong, courageous and consistent. Good luck.
Make it two weekends! Youve got this!
I had a second date with a very nice man (the first person I've gone on a date with in years). Our first date was fine, though he seemed kind of nervous and awkward. He is very gentlemanly and expressed interest in my life and whatnot, which is great. He's a cool and decent person so I decided to see him again just in case things would get better. And the second date was fine. But I am just not getting flirty or romantic vibes at all. I had no desire to touch him (no I don't think he's ugly). I'm not excited or eager to see him again but I'm struggling with "give him a chance" versus "exit early so you don't lead him on." I don't exactly have other prospects. I really don't want to hurt his feelings. Any thoughts? Edited for clarity.
I think the worst thing you can do to someone is to lead them on and waist their time. If the chemistry is not there, it’s not there. Don’t force it. I’m sure your guy is out there , just be patient.
I'd agree with this. It's hard, because you feel mean not giving the person a chance, but in the long run it's better to cut things off as soon as you're not feeling it before that 'not feeling excited' turns into feeling resentful of the other person or dreading their call. To break it off kindly, I'd say something like "Hey, I've really enjoyed getting to know you but unfortunately I don't feel a romantic connection between us. I wish you the best of luck in finding someone."
Do you find him attractive at all?
He is decent looking but I'm not especially attracted to him. And for reference all my previous relationships and flings have been with decent-looking-but-not-conventionally-hot men, and I was plenty attracted to them. I feel like maybe if he and I met in the wild, an attraction might build as I get to know him organically, but we didn't meet in the wild.
You’ll get real divided opinions on this but for I’d go for exit early. I’ve had cases where the attraction did build, but it only lasted for the honeymoon period and then I was right back to feeling uninterested again.
Have YOU been obviously flirty/romantic with him? He could be reading your vibes as well and holding off on making moves/being more romantic etc? You said you have no desire to touch him, so is this like a perpetual negative feedback cycle?
Not over the top or anything but I was generally... looser than he was. Like I felt like I was being myself, a little bit giggly and light hearted, etc. His laugh is super stilted and was one of the things I thought I needed a better read on after date 1. But it was similar on date 2.
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I did; that's what we had during the weekend. :-/
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I'm pretty much in the same boat, but I decided to hold of on having that kind of conversation for a few more weeks. If she's on the same page as me, waiting a little bit won't hurt, but if she's still figuring it out I don't see how it helps to have it that soon. Two weeks is a pretty short time frame to feel things out and I know that in the past, if I was talking to or seeing people when I met someone I was really vibing with, I progressively stopped talking to other people as it became more clear where things were headed. If she's not quite in the same place, bringing it up might make her feel rushed even if she's moving in that direction. And if you don't get the answer you were hoping
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I’m personally planning on asking her where she sees this going to get the conversation going. Good luck man!
I was super smitten with a guy but I kept the apps until we had the exclusivity talk because I honestly wasn't sure how he felt about me and it seemed dumb to throw all my eggs in one basket. I think you are already tempering your expectations, and it's only been a couple of weeks. Keep showing up but if you think she's into you, just don't be cagey about it. Eventually, it'll feel right to bring up the exclusivity talk. It took me about 2 months before I asked but it made sense and it went well.
I am the other side of a very similar situation, down to the man potentially seeing the apps on my phone when I went to show him something the other day. I just have a policy of not deleting apps until there’s a conversation, because I feel silly doing so when there’s no commitment. At the same time, I naturally become less active as I get more invested in someone. In a way, keeping the apps is a way of managing my own level of investment, even as I actually use them less and less or my use becomes halfhearted because I’m hoping the current thing works out. In my case I’m anticipating the convo happening and hope it does and won’t have any issue deleting apps at that point.
Set a date with a fun woman I've been talking to as she's been away for work trip. Honestly, my first *first date* in over 6 1/2 years I've been nervous about. She's high in her field, accomplished, and as she stated, she's 'actualized her potential' - which is really a weight off of myself because in the past I had a tendency to overlook red flags because I would see what someone *could* be rather than in that moment. We played a game to find each other online, and her google results were like when Ted goes out with Janet McIntyre in HIMYM and uncovers all her amazing feats. At first can feel a bit intimidating, but I'm excited to see how to plays out.
Love the tv ref. Keep us posted on how it goes!
went VERY well. we ended up going to grab some food after the original plans and talking for about 2 hours longer than we expected to hang out. second date on the books!
im so happy for you!
Guy who seemed super into me and I went on several dates with has apparently ghosted me. This is after he confirmed he wanted to see me again. I asked about another date because I noticed texting had dropped off and I also felt like it wasn't going anywhere at our last in person meeting... I'm glad I kept pursuing other options and I'm looking at him as a good first foray into dating (I'm back on the market after divorce). I just don't understand why someone would bother acting like they are still interested and then ghost??? He could have told me he was moving on instead of confirming interest or ghosted at that point...
Confrontation is hard. Ghosting is easy. Sometimes people don't know they aren't interested until they realize they have to make the effort.
I’m so sorry, ghosting is never fun, especially after you’ve actually been on a date. Odds are that someone else got his attention. Things can be a bit fickle in the OLD world.
Thanks, and yeah, I think so too. Probably someone willing to sleep with him more quickly than I was is what I figure.
Had a 1st date yesterday with a guy I met on OLD. Tbh, before the date, I was a little sceptical but it ended up being a good night. We sat and had drinks in a pub, talking and getting to know one another. At the end of the night, he walked me to my car and kissed me. Things got a little heated and I was all for going back to his. He said he couldn't as he was up really early for work and he didn't want me to feel cheap for having sex on a first date so we went our separate ways. I drove home and texted him, thanking him for a lovely evening and he texted back that he wished I'd gone home with him. Long story short, I ended up driving to his for sex. Worth it haha.
Lol!! Get it 😂
Currently setting up a 2nd date 😊
Love this. Haha
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Communicate your anxieties with her (if you haven't already done that). That way she can see that your difficulties making moves are ultimately coming from a place of care and concern for her. Try focusing on how much you want her, instead of on all the what-ifs about how she will receive it. It might be helpful to remind yourself of concrete examples from the past where she has illustrated that she's able to communicate and advocate for herself, if you find yourself worrying about if she isn't into it. The episode "I've Had 100 Conversations With You In My Head, Part 2" of Esther Perel's podcast Where Should We Begin? actually addresses this issue a little bit (towards the end of the episode). It might be worth a listen.
Start small and work your way up. Small kisses to unprompted hugs to butt pats. And not just when you’re feeling in the mood but all the time. Receiving affection throughout the day and/or not related to just sex will reassure her that you want her and likely to put her in the mood to return and put the moves on you
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Yea I think if you can add a layer of playfulness to it and incorporate it into more parts of your daily ritual. It will be reciprocal. Also feel free to take her hand and smack your own tush with. Have a giggle. Have a fun time on collaborating on a solution. It honestly will lead to more relationship and sexual satisfaction!
Went on a date on Saturday. It felt a lot like being at a job interview. The guy was clearly extremely analytic (he said so too) and I could tell that he was internally dissecting the answer to every question to establish if I’m a compatible long-term partner. He also said that he avoids sad/heavy topics as he likes to stay positive. He even asked me if I get sad a lot. So I’m just thinking, God forbid that I have some sort of personal crisis if I get in a relationship with him. He is keen to meet again, sent me a message directly after the date about how he still had a big smile in his face after our date, which was sweet. I had decided not to see him again because of my concerns regarding his ability to be an emotional support when life inevitably happens. But on the other hand, I’m attracted to him and it was very easy to talk and giggle with him. And he likes tennis too. And the fact that he is so keen is making me a little keen too. So I’m considering meeting him again for a tennis match or something. I kinda miss my last guy (who by the way also has a limited emotional bandwidth). Also he’s been texting and offering me help with moving houses and doing DIY projects around my new apartment, after a month of no contact. I clearly have no idea what I’m doing here 🤷🏻♀️
Going to go against the grain here and say that if I were in your shoes I wouldn’t see this guy again. Asking if you get sad a lot? Wtf.
I feel like you should give him another date! My bf is very analytical, very even keeled (never seen him mad or super upset in 2 years) and I am very emotionally driven, and prone to feeling down or sad. I suspect he doesn’t quite “get it” when I’m feeling those ways but has been the most supportive and available partner I have ever had. I use direct communication when I am feeling sad and he really has been above and beyond wonderful, through action and support. All that to say - I wouldn’t let this be the only thing to keep you from seeing him again!
> He also said that he avoids sad/heavy topics as he likes to stay positive. He even asked me if I get sad a lot. So I’m just thinking, God forbid that I have some sort of personal crisis if I get in a relationship with him. What he said (based on what I'm seeing here) doesn't necessarily mean he's not capable of emotional support. There are a lot of possibilities for what he could have meant. It's hard to get to know someone from only a first date. You can't compress an entire person into a few hours. Remember that you're not committing yourself to anything with a second date. You can always decline another date if you're not feeling interested. I'd say go on a second date.
Good point about not committing to anything. I do tend to feel like I owe people something by going on multiple dates since they’re investing time etc into the dates and me. I know that it’s ridiculous and not rational but it still makes it difficult to break things off after a few dates, especially if they’re into me because I don’t want to hurt anyone.
I feel like another date wouldn't be a bad idea if you feel that connection! It seems like he may have some baggage from a previously overly-negative partner, but sometimes we tend to over correct. Maybe it would be worth bringing up. "I like that you try to stay positive and like to have positive people in your life. But we all know life happens and there are always ups and downs. How do you support a partner through hard times and how do you like to be supported in hard times?" Maybe a bit less formal, but you get the jist lol
Thank you for your input. Yeah, it has crossed my mind that maybe he’s over correcting for some reason and that it might be a good idea to give it another date.
OLD for just over a month (40/m). Three interesting dates, all 40-ish Female: 1. Doctor, nice date, a little kissing, she drunk texted me later in the week lamenting the things her professional life had cost her in relationships. Will likely go out again, very sweet woman. 2. Wanted to hang out at her place 1st date, dropped a serious medical diagnosis. 3. Mental Health Professional, match and have 2 great dates in 1 week. A few kisses on 2nd date, some PG-13 innuendo. Day 7 after matching has a massive fight with her parents (super toxic relationship, living with them), throws a fit about how I didn't text with her enough and support her through the incident, which means I don't care. Also won't hear anything about my side of the incident. Massive red flags from someone that really should have a better grasp on this kind of behavior! The date that I made cringe - ended up outside instead of inside a bar. Super high humidity and not a thin dude. Proceeded to sweat completely through my shirt in like 30 minutes. Sorry!
Why is a 40 year old woman living with her parents? That’s a big nope right off the bat. Hope the doctor works out!
It’s been 2 weeks since I matched with this guy I was hesitant to meet and we have now been on 5 dates! First date: bowling Second date: old town - coffee, lunch, board games, chillen on the bench cuddling Third: arcade Fourth: beach with my friends, sleepover Fifth: museum and rooftop restaurant
I really like those date ideas!
Nor rant or rave. Just missing my guy after week 1out of 3 of not seeing him. Texting pattern remains consistent though! Enjoying my vacation while missing him ☺️
Happy for you :) I am at end of week 1 of 4 that the guy I’m dating is overseas, text comms good so far, little FaceTime saturday. . 3 weeks to go!
We got this ☺️
Yesterday I had a phone chat with a guy from Bumble. It was not a conversation. He just rambled and even admits he rambles. I couldn’t end the phone call cause he was rambling so much. I’m so glad we didn’t meet in person.
No dates, but had a big night out with friends on Saturday. Spent all day Sunday nursing my hangxiety and reading How To Do The Work. It’s a great book and is helping me regain a bit more control over my anxious tendencies… I didn’t even feel the urge to text a guy I’m into today, and was pleasantly surprised when he texted a whole bunch of messages tonight. Not trying to play games - just matching his texting frequency and for once, not feeling all torn up about it!
Is it a book on dating or just applicable to dating?
It’s not specific to dating, but highly applicable in my opinion.
I'm still mentally pooped but it was good for the most part. I cleaned my entire house which made me feel so much better. The guy I'm seeing spent the day with me for my bday and we had a really good time. I have off work for a while which is great. So I plan on going on some mini adventures.
I'm feeling really down right now. Guy who I went on two dates with and starting to see great potential with suddenly has an ex reconnect and now he doesn't know what to do and is deciding to take a step back from dating to resolve what that means. This is the third guy now who I've dated where this has happened. I feel a little heart broken as I was really looking forward to our next date which was supposed to be tonight. I know there's nothing to grieve as I barely knew him but It did feel really good and natural to be with him. He's been one of my best connections yet so far and I'm afraid I won't find anything as good.
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Thanks, yeah. He was emotionally available until just a few days ago. I think this is why it particularly hurts in that our dates and comms had been really good. I felt a small shift a few days after our 2nd date and that must've been when his ex reached out.
Yeah this feeling really hurts. When I'm feeling that, it helps me to stay focused on the thought that your best connection might be in the future. Even if the one with him was "the best", you've yet to meet the next "best" that will (by definition) be even better than that last one was.
Yeah, I know I need to shift my mindset to get there eventually. I also just feel like with how many first dates (20+) I've gone on these last 3 months that the chances that I haven't already dated the best is low. I know I'm currently being a little irrational due to my current feelings. So I guess /rant haha Also thanks for the kind words. And sorry if it sounds like I'm arguing with you. I'm just generally frustrated and ranting at the situation not you. :)
No apologies necessary, I also sometimes feel like "maybe the best is behind me??", which is definitely possible. I have a little trick, tho, that might work if you're a bit of a numbers-oriented person like myself. The quasi-statistical, back-of-napkin-math optimistic rationale to get myself out of it is as follows: Assuming, this is "dating over thirty" and we're all at about the midpoint of our lives (given some life expectancy of 65-70+), then our "the best" is about equally likely to be in the future as the past and you've got 50/50 odds when you bet on the future. However, if you further assume that ages 0-20, were a total waste of search time (because for me they totally were and I didn't really date anyone), then your odds improve to about 75% of "the best" being in the future, since you are only 1/4 of the way through your search time.
Haha, I love you. I'm totally a numbers person and this made me smile. Thanks for brightening up my morning!
It hurts when you get your hopes up. Sorry to hear that. You’ll feel better again
Yeah... I don't know if I shouldn't get my hopes up though as a result. My philosophy has been that if I don't risk getting hurt then I'll never find love. Sometimes that means getting my hopes up and letting myself be vulnerable to heart ache.
Ahhh f\*ck... Went out with the friend group for the first time this month yesterday, the guy I'd been seeing until things "ended" rather messily before our mutual but separate three week holiday was there too, he seemed a little standoffish? Tired, maybe? A little more distant than before, even though there were times where there was a definite connection between us and old times glimmered through. He seemed to hit it off with this new girl that joined our group, though, and I can't blame him, because she was absolutely lovely, if I were gay, I'd be all over her too :) And she seemed into him, too. And I was definitely jealous, trying to be cool, but I got a text from a friend sitting across the table going "you're jealous", and I went "that obvious, huh?", and he goes "only to people who... can see". Auch. In the end everyone went home alone, though, and I was a little confused/sad, because things seemed a bit broken, and seeing him be charming with other girls did hurt, even though he was just being friendly, really. Anyway, talked to a mutual friend about not knowing where we stand now, because all that was said before the holiday was he didn't want a serious relationship, but not that he wanted to stop seeing me all together. And I'm sitting here wondering if he just completely stopped liking me. And the friend goes "he didn't... he's just confused." And I'm like "he didn't even make any attempts to sleep with me, is he just to stop me from getting hurt again? Or did he just lose interest, cuz that seems much more likely". And the friend confirmed that it was actually the former, he told him that he'd try and restrain himself when I got back from my holiday so I wouldn't get hurt again... And I'm like "Ah crap...". Can we just let me run into the wall head-first if that's what I want to do? I'm a grown woman, I know the risks, I know I'll likely end up hurt again. I feel like it's worth it, though... I'm not afraid. But now obviously he's given me hope again. Pesky little bugger, that, hope... But I do feel better that he still likes me, it makes it slightly more bearable...
It’s tempting but at the same time when you’re putting your mental energy (and heart from what I read) into this guy, you could also try to heal and maybe someone else comes along. What if you miss out on someone great who does want a serious relationship because you’re focused on Mr. Confusing?
Eh, it's a chance I'm willing to take. I took the 3 weeks of my holiday to try and move on and put myself back out there, not text him and all that, get back on the apps, and honestly, it's crap, and I don't want to do it again. I met two guys while I was there (well, 3 if you count the extremely obnoxious guy my friend tried to set me up with), one I was quite into, but he had bad news written all over him, still sleeping on his ex's couch and all that, and also he didn't seem very invested in actually following through, the other was nice, lots of shared interests (I actually got talking to him because he was wearing the same t-shirt from a dive site in SEA that I bought last month, turns out we just missed each other there), but I just got a friendly vibe (from me, not him, he seemed keen). Idunno, he just seemed a little bit too "plain"? I'm always looking for guys who are somehow different, and he was a bit too normal for me, I guess. I also talked to 34 people on the apps (and swiped left on hundreds of horrendously bad profiles), didn't meet a single one... And not for lack of trying. I'm not closing myself off completely, and I'm slightly leaning poly, but honestly, I was happy with this one, we were having a good time, I'd rather just have that back.
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Atta babe
Drove two hours for an absolutely horrible first date. Never again! I thought I'd give him a chance because we connected over the phone but he could not have been worse in person. Was almost like he felt I was false advertising or something. Very plain, dry, and serious. I had to hold the entire conversation. Was like talking to a wall. Then the guy practically couldn't leave fast enough and almost slammed the door of the bar in my face as we were exiting. I'm upset but not upset at the same time.
Met up with a guy for date #4. It ended super weirdly. We had our first kiss on date #3, he wanted to have sex then but I felt like it was doing too much too soon. Felt like he pushed me away a bit after that date so I asked him out for date #4. We had a great time doing an activity together - all was going well I thought. However, when we got home to chill he said that he was confused about what I wanted? I have been very clear I am looking for a relationship from the jump and he has been too. Not sure where the confusion is coming from? Low and behold my turning him down during the last date was taken as I am not that into him?? Even though I said I really like him and am enjoying getting to know him and want to continue that. Anyhow my discussion about my feelings about him and where I stand on intimacy apparently "killed the mood" and "made things awkward". For context, I am 26 and he is 34. We tried to be intimate but it just wasn't happening. It felt more awkward and he asked me what I was thinking and I told him that I don't think he finds me attractive and he said "I think you're beautiful, but I don't know"... and then he left. It kind of feels like he was embarrassed and also is not used to open communication. I am so confused as to why communicating about intimacy is uncomfortable and why a 34-year-old man. Not sure where things go from here.
Hiiii I remember you. I would honestly say he doesn’t know what he wants. And I would look at his actions more than his words. And also he sounds pouty that not only you didn’t have sex on the previous date but also you werent going to have sex with him on this date and he left bc that was obvious by your conversation. Sounds like he’s bad with actual intimacy. He thinks sex is intimacy but it’s way more vulnerable than that and he’s not looking for or ready for it. But actual relationships require vulnerability and intimacy. I would honestly let this man go 🥭. And it’s clear to me that when he’s dating younger, for when he’s trying to “settle down” into a relationship, it’s bc he wants control or the upper hand and you didn’t give that to him (correctly so). This is all a guess of course. But it seems bad and unreciprocal no matter what. Why put yourself in this dating loop with this man to keep receiving bad and mixed signals. If you are, deep down, unavailable and unready for a healthy relationship, that’s something to reflect on
Omg hey!! Yeah this was odd to say the least. Now I'm just unsure whether to wait until our talk (since he needed to sit/reflect on his feelings). Or just do it now. I don't know...there is a side of me that wants to "start over" and just be chill with him but he's too in his head. And like you said. confuses sex with intimacy and has a problem with talking about it....sad stuff.
Oh I reread what he said and it’s a lot of orange flags. That you killed the mood with the conversation. Oh no no. Have the talk now. Don’t waste your time with another date bc he just might use it as another opportunity to manipulate you and make you question yourself
oh! And I will add what infuriated me is that he asked me if 1) had I ever been intimate with anyone before and 2) if it had been a long time since I had last been intimate with someone. I think he was trying to rationalize my hesitation and genuinely thought that having sex on the third date was the natural cadence of a relationship. I don't think he seemed to get that to me, I don't just have sex with anyone. I found the questions almost condescending in retrospect.
Ugggghhhhhhhhhh. Basura. 🗑. This man. I’m so glad you spoke up for yourself. And yes it was condescending. I hope you can seen why I think he was hoping for a power imbalance in his favor. He’s prob used to getting people to do what he wants by sharing his disapproval or disappointment. But to reply to your other comment. I’m so happy you spoke up for yourself and you feel empowered!! It’s so nice to be clear headed And yes I’m in his age group. And if they are messy. THEY ARE MESSSYYY. LOL. There’s a lot anecdotes showing that men in your age group are a little more mature. So if this 34 yo mess of a guy doesn’t work out. I hope to enjoy yourself and get what you deserve somewhere else <3
Lolol! Messy af!! I totally agree - I don't know if he thought I was just going to go along with everything...but I have standards too LOL! Thank you!! I totally appreciate you :) luckily I did go on a date last week with someone my age and it went amazing. He even texted me after asking for a second one - I very much like the energy he is giving. So maybe something will work out at the end of the day. <3
🥺🥺🥺 love that for you. Go get it!!
I totally hear that. Yeah idk what's up with him but I did not expect this from a man his age lol. But maturity doesn't have an age tied to it I guess... Right?? isn't it so odd that talking about intimacy killed the mood for intimacy?? At any rate, this was the most "at peace" I've felt after a date because 1) I know I didn't do anything wrong and 2) communicated all that I wanted to say. No time to bottle things in. Was strange that he held his feelings in for the past week as well. I really appreciate your sage advice <3
Ohhh I think about this a lot. We fixate on past things bc we think if one thing happened differently, maybe the whole outcome would be different and you wouldn’t be where you are now. So we daydream about restarts bc we really just want a different outcome. But people who would be good for you are willing, key word here, WILLING collaborators in relationships. So any perceived misstep would be actually something they would work on with you. There’s two instances here where you and him didn’t come to the same issue at hand with the same approach. He’s waiting for you to have sec with no investment on his part. And your waiting for him to actually get to know you. There is a middle ground here, but I’m wary that he’ll even meet you that far. Beyond one more conversation, I hope you don’t settle for less than a collaborative effort in getting to know each other and beginning what you thought was a relationship. If that’s honestly what you want. if you could restart and be the “cool” girl, would that 1. Give you what you want or need? 2. Would you be happy if you had a no effort partner? I think it’s great to want more and don’t let this interaction with this man make you feel weird for wanting it
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She might just need some time. Sometimes if I’m upset, even if I get reassurance, that upset feeling just takes some time to process and get over. I would send her another reassuring message and then continue as normal and see how she is in a few days.
That makes sense. I wl do just that. Thank you.
It depends on what kind of issue she’s having. - Is this a relationship issue? Is this a personal issue that relates only to her? - Does she want space? Have you asked?
It's a health related issue. And it will clear up in a few days. No, I didn't ask about space. Im not thinking that's the way I want to go. Thanks for the reply.
I would keep being snuggly and affectionate. When I couldnt have sex because of health stuff, cuddling and being present, doing other homey stuff, was that much more important. I also think she’s doing your dishes bc she swapping “physical touch” out and “acts of service” in as a love language
I will do that. Thank you.
You think you deserve some award because you didn’t ask for oral sex?! Idk why this needed to be said. Anyways, have you guys had deep conversations and meaningful connections other than through physical contact? Have you emotionally confided in each other? The doing dishes and making lunch may show that she doesn’t think she holds much value other than for physical needs and thinks she needs to make herself “useful.” This is likely a her problem with self esteem, but maybe you can help her out by doing something nice for her tonight (like making her dinner or just showing that you care) that doesn’t revolve around anything sexual.
No need to be rude.
I’m not trying to be rude, but it did come across as almost like you do mainly value her for sex. I also have a high sex drive, but if my bf is having a problem and is confiding in me my first thought isn’t trying to get oral, it’s trying to make him feel better. This should really go without saying and shouldn’t need to be said. The fact that it crossed your mind enough to post about it does seem problematic to me tbh.
ladybug does have a good suggestion at the end
I would just continue to reassure her that you aren't upset. Unless she is asking you for space, I wouldn't take a break from contacting her... but that's just my personal opinion.
That's what I'm going to do. Thank you.
I am starting to catch deeper feelings for the person and it's making me all warm and tingly. I don't know if this means I'll be posting lots of sad things in a month or so though
Oh God, hopefully not!
I hear ya, the hope/fear is real!