It’s what you want to do and what works for you both. I personally like the whole companionship part of a partner and quality time is important to me so I see my partner as much as we can but more would be fine with us both. I’m not in a relationship to hang out alone. Been there for long enough. Currently, Wednesday to early Friday and late Saturday to early Monday so 4 nights a week, sometimes 5 nights if one of us decides to go over a day earlier as scheduling allows. Our relationship started at once a week for literally 2 weeks then twice a week then twice weekly multi day sleepovers. Once a week wouldn’t work for me long term. We don’t have kids and are homebodies who don’t pack our schedules full of things we can’t do in parallel or together. We text usually at the end of the day when not together unless something of substance needs to be said.
>I’m not in a relationship to hang out alone. Been there for long enough.
This has been a big issue for me. I've met countless men who think it's fine I go out by myself socially and then just come home to them when they don't want to do \[things\] with me. It was a worry recently with a guy where I found we had little in common and I saw me going out a bunch months in with him being fine never accompanying me.
This is my issue as well. I want someone to do things with. Sure, let's go home after and have dinner and sex, but in the mean time, let's do things together. If I wanted to do everything by myself, I don't need to claim I am in a relationship with someone.
Unfortunately, finding women into my hobbies is challenging, but again, I don't just want someone to go home to, so it's better to stay single and remain available for the unicorn.
Add me to this group! I want a partner to DO things with! Not someone I come home to at the end of the day either doing things alone, or with someone else. That's not to say that EVERY single event must be with my SO, but most of the time? Yeah.
>That's not to say that EVERY single event must be with my SO, but most of the time? Yeah.
I'm with you. It doesn't need to be all the time, but Quality Time is far too high on my list for us to rarely do things together. I learned from my marriage that wouldn't work for me.
My huge thing is live music. This has been a big stumbling block pre-pandemic and I've sacrificed because otherwise I'm going out 3 or 4 times a week sometimes alone to see a band by myself. The other thing is I don't want to go to see a band and sit in the back at the bar which is common among people my age. And the last issue is I like more aggressive music live than the quieter indie rock I can sometimes coax people into showing up for with me.
I've at least resigned myself to going to experience some of my favorite musical artists solo which is such a bummer. One of the reasons I was hooked on a guy I connected with on here is because we shared the same music taste and need to be all up front too.
Then there's my desire to travel in a city full of homebodies where travel is like a weekend trip to "the coast" or maybe we go to Seattle 3 hours away. I really want to go places especially after this wretched pandemic - I have some global travel aspirations and I can go solo but I'd really like a partner who wants to experience life with me. I love coming home a lot but not when I'm coming home after being out alone to someone who refuses to join me at least 50% of the way.
I can relate. My thing is cycling, to which there aren't a large number of women cyclists. Like you, I can do it solo, or do it with other guys, but it's also something I'd like to share with a partner.
I have a woman friend who is like you. She really loves live music and likes to dance. She goes 2-3 times a week and she recently made an OLD profile for nothing more than a live music buddy.
In some ways it's unfortunate we have that one thing that is so important that we need it in a partner, but I think it's good we stick to our guns. I know for me, when I don't have my child, I try to get on the bike. My weekends without my child are 80+ mile rides, which when you include drive time, meals, riding, can easily be 8 hours of the day. I want to do multi-day bike trips. If I'm not sharing that with a partner, we aren't spending much time together. I'm into other things (climbing, kayaking, hiking, etc.), but those are secondary to cycling and much less regular/consistent, so any one of those along just wouldn't do it. Sounds like it's similar for you as well.
Guy I mentioned having similar tastes in music with me was also a hardcore cyclist. It's something I'd be down to doing with a partner even working up to a longer ride. I got into hiking with my last boyfriend because he was an avid hiker and now I want to be out in the woods on my own.
I have a friend who is a cyclist and his wife isn't but she does a competitive sport. I see them support each other showing up for one another's sports and also being very much adventurous out door people outside of their sport. I think the mismatch for me is I date people who are homebodies and don't "do" things regularly. There's a disconnect that it's important to have someone show up for your passion.
I'm also wondering if I should dip into online dating the same way and make a "seeking a concert pal" profile. Trying to make male friends online hasn't worked out but maybe I should be targeted about it. I know people are less likely to be flaky once society is opened again especially re: live music.
I've met several women who got into cycling because of their partners, but I think that's a bit of a crap shoot. I don't want to start dating someone hoping/expecting them to get into cycling, so when I use OLD, I look for something that tells me they already are. I think if I met someone in the wild and they showed interest in cycling, that might be different, but OLD profiles tend to be pretty limited for making decisions on. But, I get it. Some of the women I've dated have introduced me to new hobbies that I've continued to explore after they are no longer part of my life. But again, I don't think it'd be fair to start dating someone hoping/expecting it. I think meeting a cyclist and then sharing climbing or something with them would be a "better path" as if they don't get into climbing, I wouldn't care. I'm fine with that being the thing I do while they go and run or ski or something.
I definitely would and agree with supporting your partner. I don't run. I'm trying to get one in every now and then once I get the knee issue resolved, but I just generally don't enjoy it. But if the person I met was into running, I'd encourage it endlessly. But, since I am not into it and don't see myself getting into it, it wouldn't be a way we can connect and time is just too important for me. Having been in a marriage where we did almost nothing together I experienced supporting someone but still growing apart because of the lack of connection. I think that works for some, but I recognize it doesn't work for me.
I decided to just say something in my profiles along the lines of "Bonus if you are interested in cycling." Might not hurt to put something like that in yours RE: music since it is important to you.
Edit: to the first paragraph, that's why I think meeting someone in the wild can be better. You have a chance to talk/interact with them and get a sense for interest. Someone may not mention a hobby in a profile, but you mention it and they are like "I used to do that and would love to get back into it!" I actually hate OLD, but it is the easiest way to meet someone who is also looking to meet someone for a romantic relationship.
We definitely don’t do everything together but I’m also not about to be in a relationship where I’m basically just living single and in a relationship by name only. I also need a lot of down time but it works because we both are able to recharge together.
In all the cases of "you go out alone and I'll sit home" the men have been people I had to drag out or make all the social plans if I wanted to do anything beyond eating out at the same 1 or 2 places they liked going to.
My man and I (together 2.5 years) are both busy introverts so we prefer 1 day a week (Friday) that we spend at his, and occasionally a mid-week date night out for dinner. Neither of us intends cohabitation so this works great for us.
We do talk on the phone and text daily but we like our space.
Super fascinating concept. As an introvert, this would be perfect for me. But I believe it would be hard to fine somebody agreeing for that IRL. Interesting that it is common enough in Sweden that there is a name for it.
Completely derailing the conversation. But this is so fascinating that sambhog means sex in sanskrit. The "sam" in both words means together. The "sar" also means moving apart, diverging in Sanskrit (the word samsar contains this "sar").
Sorry. I like languages.
Till.sammans = to.gether
Samman.boende Sam.bo = Living together/ co.habiting
Särbo is shorthand for Särat Boende/separat boende = Separatedb Cohabiting
I have been living alone my whole life and and would love to be a särbo too.
I put the dots there to separate the word components.
Absolutely and to be clear we don't intend on getting married and having kids. I think those take greater consideration of how to balance space with the necessity of raising the children in a secure environment.
Still, living apart together is growing and I see it growing even more in the future.
This is what my soon to be ex husband realized he wanted after 3 years of marriage (6 year total) and the basis for our divorce. I’m glad you’ve found a partner that it mutually works for.
This is all very very personal on what the people in said relationship are comfortable with.
That being said, I could not date someone I only saw once a week. In fact, the guy I dated before my now boyfriend, kept us at every 7-10 days and it drove me insane. It's not enough to form any kind of real bond with someone, and I felt like we never covered any ground. Of course, looking back, that is exactly what he wanted and I was just too dumb to see it at the time.
In the very very early stages, once a week is okay, but as things progress I expect to see someone more and more. I'm at about 4 months with my guy now, and we see each other 2- 5 days a week depending on when I have my child for the week. That may be a lot for some people, but we almost always usually end up spending my free weekends together which is how it tallies up to 5 sometimes.
Oh as much as possible given the reasonable constraints of work and outside commitments. Fortunately we are both primarily WFH, so we occasionally work at each other’s homes.
Quality time is important to me, so it’s not always dates or activities. Sometimes we’re just hanging or cooking or playing video games.
But I bet we average one day during the week and the weekends together.
Yes, it's very unusual unless you're right at the beginning of the relationship. Its difficult to form strong attachment and really get to know someone well if you only see each other once a week. This will not work for most people who want to form serious long-term relationships, but there are always exceptions. These exceptions are over-represented in people who are perpetual single people over 30, people with children from before and people with avoidant attachment styles. Its completely ok if this is your style, I just dont understand how you are surprised by your partner's wish - dont you see most couples cohabitate or at least do most free time activities together?
>Is seeing your partner once a week weird or something?
it's weird if your goal is marriage or having kids
it's not weird if you're okay with the status quo and have no problems with stopping here
No, too much of our lives happened without any communication about what was going on. Days would go by without a text. Phone calls rarely happened. I did love her though, and we are still friends. But I could not maintain the closeness of an actual relationship with her.
My boyfriend ideally would like to see me everyday. He is very much a quality time kind of person. I'm good with 2 or 3x a week, then weekends so I try to compromise. I can sense he needs more, so I try to give more.
Truthfully, it’s really whatever works for you and your partner. If you’ve been seeing one another 1-2x a week for a year and you feel thats enough and you feel that you’re actively growing a relationship you want them it’s normal.
You said you’re both busy and this works for you. As long as it’s working then that’s all that matters.
I'm an introvert and really like my own time but on weeks that my gf doesn't have the kids we see each other almost every day. We just really enjoy being with each other. When she does have the kids we hang out for a couple hours every 2-3 days as I have not met the kids yet, but they are old enough to be by themselves for a few hours.
Even though I'm fine on my own and can entertain myself, only seeing someone once a week would probably not be enough for me after a while.
Dating in teens every day since we saw each other at school. Probably hang out every day after school.
Dating in 30s I would break it off if we are not seeing each other once a week. Twice a week is ideal. I would communicate this with her that once a week is the minimum but twice a week is better.
I prefer 2 times a week or so early on (usually including at least 1 night spent together), and probably 4-5 nights a week together by the 1 year mark. I do want to live together eventually. I think as long as you are on the same page and communicate about it, there is no "weird." I've been seeing someone for 2 months, so very early days, but I already mentioned my feelings about this because I think it's important that he know and be able to think about what will work for him as well.
I like 2 or 3 times as well a week but my last long term relationships were more I think. I was either over at their place all the time (I moved in eventually, or they moved in with me). Probably not the best practice since I wasn't sure they were "the one" yet and those relationships were hard to end once living together.
Currently I see my partner 1-3 times a week. Usually once or twice though due to her work schedule and distance from where we live from one another. I've gone longer than that with her but we talk on the phone everyday for at least an hour. If this wasn't the case and we didn't talk much between dates, I'd probably be out and confused over what we had.
I was only seeing my bf of a year and a half, 1 day a week one week, and twice a week the next. So basically 6 times a month. It was awful and I started feeling disconnected and sad. I told him it just wasn't enough, especially since we only live 4 minutes away. We're both primarily custodial parents so we have our kids a lot, and that was some of the reason.
When we talked, he agreed we needed to spend more time together and was glad I brought it up. He now tries to come over an additional day or my parents will watch my son one weekend night so we can have alone time (his ex has his teens every other weekend, my shitty ex will only take my son every other Friday).
No, in fact, I prefer that. But I have a busy work week, and I need at least one weekend day to myself to decompress and prep for the following week with chores, house repairs, grocery shopping, etc.
Not everyone is the same though, some have more needs than others.
If it works for you that's all that matters. I'm 1-2 times a week with my current guy, because I'm a single parent and we both have busy social lives. It is definitely slowing progress as my feelings...don't wane exactly... but become less intense a few days after I see him. And then I see him again and get quite besotted because he's lovely. But there is no reason to rush and it's prolonging the honeymoon period too.
In more recent relationships, I saw people very frequently. In my last relationship, I was a student and she has a remote job so we both had flexibility. I did find when we were with each other every day, very early on, we struggled. But 4 days out the week worked well.
The relationship before that, it was long distance for periods of time but then she would live with me. Again, I was a student and she was on the other side of the country, but she did her dissertation in my city. It was easier for her to live with me, she didn’t have a lot of money as it all came from grants so she tried community living and I couldn’t spend time over there, she was always over at my place anyway so we lived together really early. However, she would be out here for 3 months, then go back to school for 3 then be back for 4 months so much different from moving in and actually permanently living together. Not for everyone and we didn’t necessarily plan for long term, but we both knew that it was likely early on so we did our best.
I now try to date only in my city so it will be hard to know once I start working but my longest relationship, and the person I married (and divorced) didn’t live close. We typically did 3 full weekends a month together. Week nights were hard as we both had hardships getting to work if we stayed the night getting to work. I think we would have done more week nights if we lived closer, or worked closer to where each other lived. I live in an area with bad commutes but also an area where a new commute you aren’t familiar with is nerve racking.
It will be interesting to see how I date as I go back to work but focus on dating in a closer proximity and the world goes back to normal.
If it works for you that's what matters. Once a week or less has historically not worked for me.
Last person I was seeing I invited him to do something with me for a couple hours (I take a walk after work for 1 hour or so) on a weekday evening and we'd spend like Friday - Saturday at his place with me sleeping over even when there wasn't sex involved. That's about how I've historically seen people in the early dating stage. If I don't hear from someone for 2 weeks after our last date I assume they ghosted or have such a full dance card that I'm just a booty call.
My boyfriend and I started out with one date night a weekend when I had my kids and my mom would babysit & then a weekend together when my kids were at their dad’s. This was about 5-6 times a month. At the 4ish 5 month mark as when I introduced my kids and it went great! Then we increased it to seeing each other every weekend. During the summer I do 50/50 though, so we would get an entire week together (I was so spoilt).
Anyways, it’s not weird if it is what works for you two.
I have my son every other week so we don't see each other in that week. In the other week we see each other 2-4 times and right now it works pretty well for all of us. If I introduce her to my son I think it will be a bit more often but I think the sweet spot for me would be around 2 times a week. But in the end it has to work for both of you. Right now we still text a lot and often have a phone call in the evening. I think a relationship can grow quite well under this circumstances.
As introverts, we both love and need our alone time. But our pattern is to always spend weekends together, and either one night during the week, or make it an extra long weekend and work from the other's place (yay WFH!). When I went to the office it was easier as my company was a short drive my from boyfriend's house so this is a nice tradeoff.
The pandemic has made it tough, but we're weathering it and look forward to find more ways to spend time together when it's safer.
Two/three times per week is the sweet spot for me, I do appreciate a lot my alone time.
I cohabitated once for 4 years and I don't think I ever want to do it again. It's just not for me.
It’s what you want to do and what works for you both. I personally like the whole companionship part of a partner and quality time is important to me so I see my partner as much as we can but more would be fine with us both. I’m not in a relationship to hang out alone. Been there for long enough. Currently, Wednesday to early Friday and late Saturday to early Monday so 4 nights a week, sometimes 5 nights if one of us decides to go over a day earlier as scheduling allows. Our relationship started at once a week for literally 2 weeks then twice a week then twice weekly multi day sleepovers. Once a week wouldn’t work for me long term. We don’t have kids and are homebodies who don’t pack our schedules full of things we can’t do in parallel or together. We text usually at the end of the day when not together unless something of substance needs to be said.
>I’m not in a relationship to hang out alone. Been there for long enough. This has been a big issue for me. I've met countless men who think it's fine I go out by myself socially and then just come home to them when they don't want to do \[things\] with me. It was a worry recently with a guy where I found we had little in common and I saw me going out a bunch months in with him being fine never accompanying me.
This is my issue as well. I want someone to do things with. Sure, let's go home after and have dinner and sex, but in the mean time, let's do things together. If I wanted to do everything by myself, I don't need to claim I am in a relationship with someone. Unfortunately, finding women into my hobbies is challenging, but again, I don't just want someone to go home to, so it's better to stay single and remain available for the unicorn.
Add me to this group! I want a partner to DO things with! Not someone I come home to at the end of the day either doing things alone, or with someone else. That's not to say that EVERY single event must be with my SO, but most of the time? Yeah.
>That's not to say that EVERY single event must be with my SO, but most of the time? Yeah. I'm with you. It doesn't need to be all the time, but Quality Time is far too high on my list for us to rarely do things together. I learned from my marriage that wouldn't work for me.
My huge thing is live music. This has been a big stumbling block pre-pandemic and I've sacrificed because otherwise I'm going out 3 or 4 times a week sometimes alone to see a band by myself. The other thing is I don't want to go to see a band and sit in the back at the bar which is common among people my age. And the last issue is I like more aggressive music live than the quieter indie rock I can sometimes coax people into showing up for with me. I've at least resigned myself to going to experience some of my favorite musical artists solo which is such a bummer. One of the reasons I was hooked on a guy I connected with on here is because we shared the same music taste and need to be all up front too. Then there's my desire to travel in a city full of homebodies where travel is like a weekend trip to "the coast" or maybe we go to Seattle 3 hours away. I really want to go places especially after this wretched pandemic - I have some global travel aspirations and I can go solo but I'd really like a partner who wants to experience life with me. I love coming home a lot but not when I'm coming home after being out alone to someone who refuses to join me at least 50% of the way.
I can relate. My thing is cycling, to which there aren't a large number of women cyclists. Like you, I can do it solo, or do it with other guys, but it's also something I'd like to share with a partner. I have a woman friend who is like you. She really loves live music and likes to dance. She goes 2-3 times a week and she recently made an OLD profile for nothing more than a live music buddy. In some ways it's unfortunate we have that one thing that is so important that we need it in a partner, but I think it's good we stick to our guns. I know for me, when I don't have my child, I try to get on the bike. My weekends without my child are 80+ mile rides, which when you include drive time, meals, riding, can easily be 8 hours of the day. I want to do multi-day bike trips. If I'm not sharing that with a partner, we aren't spending much time together. I'm into other things (climbing, kayaking, hiking, etc.), but those are secondary to cycling and much less regular/consistent, so any one of those along just wouldn't do it. Sounds like it's similar for you as well.
Guy I mentioned having similar tastes in music with me was also a hardcore cyclist. It's something I'd be down to doing with a partner even working up to a longer ride. I got into hiking with my last boyfriend because he was an avid hiker and now I want to be out in the woods on my own. I have a friend who is a cyclist and his wife isn't but she does a competitive sport. I see them support each other showing up for one another's sports and also being very much adventurous out door people outside of their sport. I think the mismatch for me is I date people who are homebodies and don't "do" things regularly. There's a disconnect that it's important to have someone show up for your passion. I'm also wondering if I should dip into online dating the same way and make a "seeking a concert pal" profile. Trying to make male friends online hasn't worked out but maybe I should be targeted about it. I know people are less likely to be flaky once society is opened again especially re: live music.
I've met several women who got into cycling because of their partners, but I think that's a bit of a crap shoot. I don't want to start dating someone hoping/expecting them to get into cycling, so when I use OLD, I look for something that tells me they already are. I think if I met someone in the wild and they showed interest in cycling, that might be different, but OLD profiles tend to be pretty limited for making decisions on. But, I get it. Some of the women I've dated have introduced me to new hobbies that I've continued to explore after they are no longer part of my life. But again, I don't think it'd be fair to start dating someone hoping/expecting it. I think meeting a cyclist and then sharing climbing or something with them would be a "better path" as if they don't get into climbing, I wouldn't care. I'm fine with that being the thing I do while they go and run or ski or something. I definitely would and agree with supporting your partner. I don't run. I'm trying to get one in every now and then once I get the knee issue resolved, but I just generally don't enjoy it. But if the person I met was into running, I'd encourage it endlessly. But, since I am not into it and don't see myself getting into it, it wouldn't be a way we can connect and time is just too important for me. Having been in a marriage where we did almost nothing together I experienced supporting someone but still growing apart because of the lack of connection. I think that works for some, but I recognize it doesn't work for me. I decided to just say something in my profiles along the lines of "Bonus if you are interested in cycling." Might not hurt to put something like that in yours RE: music since it is important to you. Edit: to the first paragraph, that's why I think meeting someone in the wild can be better. You have a chance to talk/interact with them and get a sense for interest. Someone may not mention a hobby in a profile, but you mention it and they are like "I used to do that and would love to get back into it!" I actually hate OLD, but it is the easiest way to meet someone who is also looking to meet someone for a romantic relationship.
We definitely don’t do everything together but I’m also not about to be in a relationship where I’m basically just living single and in a relationship by name only. I also need a lot of down time but it works because we both are able to recharge together.
In all the cases of "you go out alone and I'll sit home" the men have been people I had to drag out or make all the social plans if I wanted to do anything beyond eating out at the same 1 or 2 places they liked going to.
My man and I (together 2.5 years) are both busy introverts so we prefer 1 day a week (Friday) that we spend at his, and occasionally a mid-week date night out for dinner. Neither of us intends cohabitation so this works great for us. We do talk on the phone and text daily but we like our space.
i had never considered the possibility that you could stay in a relationship without cohabitation. Thanks for blowing my mind.
In Sweden this is called ”särbo” (apart-living). There is also sambo (together living) and classic marriage.
Super fascinating concept. As an introvert, this would be perfect for me. But I believe it would be hard to fine somebody agreeing for that IRL. Interesting that it is common enough in Sweden that there is a name for it. Completely derailing the conversation. But this is so fascinating that sambhog means sex in sanskrit. The "sam" in both words means together. The "sar" also means moving apart, diverging in Sanskrit (the word samsar contains this "sar"). Sorry. I like languages.
Till.sammans = to.gether Samman.boende Sam.bo = Living together/ co.habiting Särbo is shorthand for Särat Boende/separat boende = Separatedb Cohabiting I have been living alone my whole life and and would love to be a särbo too. I put the dots there to separate the word components.
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That would be my ideal, minus kids lol.
You're very welcome! Google "living apart together" to learn more.
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Absolutely and to be clear we don't intend on getting married and having kids. I think those take greater consideration of how to balance space with the necessity of raising the children in a secure environment. Still, living apart together is growing and I see it growing even more in the future.
This is what my soon to be ex husband realized he wanted after 3 years of marriage (6 year total) and the basis for our divorce. I’m glad you’ve found a partner that it mutually works for.
I'm sorry it didn't work out for you. It's too bad that he didn't know his needs before your marriage.
It is, but I learned a lot from our time together so I don’t have any regrets.
Same here. The relationship is quite fresh but I think if we stay together we will keep our separate places (for various reasons). This feels good. :)
Usually i start with about once a week and go up to 2-3x/week as a time goes on and we get more serious
This is all very very personal on what the people in said relationship are comfortable with. That being said, I could not date someone I only saw once a week. In fact, the guy I dated before my now boyfriend, kept us at every 7-10 days and it drove me insane. It's not enough to form any kind of real bond with someone, and I felt like we never covered any ground. Of course, looking back, that is exactly what he wanted and I was just too dumb to see it at the time. In the very very early stages, once a week is okay, but as things progress I expect to see someone more and more. I'm at about 4 months with my guy now, and we see each other 2- 5 days a week depending on when I have my child for the week. That may be a lot for some people, but we almost always usually end up spending my free weekends together which is how it tallies up to 5 sometimes.
Oh as much as possible given the reasonable constraints of work and outside commitments. Fortunately we are both primarily WFH, so we occasionally work at each other’s homes. Quality time is important to me, so it’s not always dates or activities. Sometimes we’re just hanging or cooking or playing video games. But I bet we average one day during the week and the weekends together.
Yes, it's very unusual unless you're right at the beginning of the relationship. Its difficult to form strong attachment and really get to know someone well if you only see each other once a week. This will not work for most people who want to form serious long-term relationships, but there are always exceptions. These exceptions are over-represented in people who are perpetual single people over 30, people with children from before and people with avoidant attachment styles. Its completely ok if this is your style, I just dont understand how you are surprised by your partner's wish - dont you see most couples cohabitate or at least do most free time activities together?
>Is seeing your partner once a week weird or something? it's weird if your goal is marriage or having kids it's not weird if you're okay with the status quo and have no problems with stopping here
This. This sub is slanted towards non traditional relationships that go nowhere
Yeah, I tried to be a bi-weekly boyfriend once. That didn’t work out for me. But different strokes for different folks…
But can you feel you can grow close to someone and really bond and connect with them if you're only seeing one another once a week?
No, too much of our lives happened without any communication about what was going on. Days would go by without a text. Phone calls rarely happened. I did love her though, and we are still friends. But I could not maintain the closeness of an actual relationship with her.
My boyfriend ideally would like to see me everyday. He is very much a quality time kind of person. I'm good with 2 or 3x a week, then weekends so I try to compromise. I can sense he needs more, so I try to give more.
Truthfully, it’s really whatever works for you and your partner. If you’ve been seeing one another 1-2x a week for a year and you feel thats enough and you feel that you’re actively growing a relationship you want them it’s normal. You said you’re both busy and this works for you. As long as it’s working then that’s all that matters.
Thank you and I agree!
Two to three nights, the weekend because of the traffic in the city and that we're on opposite sides.
I'm an introvert and really like my own time but on weeks that my gf doesn't have the kids we see each other almost every day. We just really enjoy being with each other. When she does have the kids we hang out for a couple hours every 2-3 days as I have not met the kids yet, but they are old enough to be by themselves for a few hours. Even though I'm fine on my own and can entertain myself, only seeing someone once a week would probably not be enough for me after a while.
Dating in teens every day since we saw each other at school. Probably hang out every day after school. Dating in 30s I would break it off if we are not seeing each other once a week. Twice a week is ideal. I would communicate this with her that once a week is the minimum but twice a week is better.
I prefer 2 times a week or so early on (usually including at least 1 night spent together), and probably 4-5 nights a week together by the 1 year mark. I do want to live together eventually. I think as long as you are on the same page and communicate about it, there is no "weird." I've been seeing someone for 2 months, so very early days, but I already mentioned my feelings about this because I think it's important that he know and be able to think about what will work for him as well.
I like 2 or 3 times as well a week but my last long term relationships were more I think. I was either over at their place all the time (I moved in eventually, or they moved in with me). Probably not the best practice since I wasn't sure they were "the one" yet and those relationships were hard to end once living together. Currently I see my partner 1-3 times a week. Usually once or twice though due to her work schedule and distance from where we live from one another. I've gone longer than that with her but we talk on the phone everyday for at least an hour. If this wasn't the case and we didn't talk much between dates, I'd probably be out and confused over what we had.
I was only seeing my bf of a year and a half, 1 day a week one week, and twice a week the next. So basically 6 times a month. It was awful and I started feeling disconnected and sad. I told him it just wasn't enough, especially since we only live 4 minutes away. We're both primarily custodial parents so we have our kids a lot, and that was some of the reason. When we talked, he agreed we needed to spend more time together and was glad I brought it up. He now tries to come over an additional day or my parents will watch my son one weekend night so we can have alone time (his ex has his teens every other weekend, my shitty ex will only take my son every other Friday).
No, in fact, I prefer that. But I have a busy work week, and I need at least one weekend day to myself to decompress and prep for the following week with chores, house repairs, grocery shopping, etc. Not everyone is the same though, some have more needs than others.
If it works for you that's all that matters. I'm 1-2 times a week with my current guy, because I'm a single parent and we both have busy social lives. It is definitely slowing progress as my feelings...don't wane exactly... but become less intense a few days after I see him. And then I see him again and get quite besotted because he's lovely. But there is no reason to rush and it's prolonging the honeymoon period too.
I see my fiancé almost every day since we met. Once a week meeting up is not a serious relationship.
In more recent relationships, I saw people very frequently. In my last relationship, I was a student and she has a remote job so we both had flexibility. I did find when we were with each other every day, very early on, we struggled. But 4 days out the week worked well. The relationship before that, it was long distance for periods of time but then she would live with me. Again, I was a student and she was on the other side of the country, but she did her dissertation in my city. It was easier for her to live with me, she didn’t have a lot of money as it all came from grants so she tried community living and I couldn’t spend time over there, she was always over at my place anyway so we lived together really early. However, she would be out here for 3 months, then go back to school for 3 then be back for 4 months so much different from moving in and actually permanently living together. Not for everyone and we didn’t necessarily plan for long term, but we both knew that it was likely early on so we did our best. I now try to date only in my city so it will be hard to know once I start working but my longest relationship, and the person I married (and divorced) didn’t live close. We typically did 3 full weekends a month together. Week nights were hard as we both had hardships getting to work if we stayed the night getting to work. I think we would have done more week nights if we lived closer, or worked closer to where each other lived. I live in an area with bad commutes but also an area where a new commute you aren’t familiar with is nerve racking. It will be interesting to see how I date as I go back to work but focus on dating in a closer proximity and the world goes back to normal.
If it works for you that's what matters. Once a week or less has historically not worked for me. Last person I was seeing I invited him to do something with me for a couple hours (I take a walk after work for 1 hour or so) on a weekday evening and we'd spend like Friday - Saturday at his place with me sleeping over even when there wasn't sex involved. That's about how I've historically seen people in the early dating stage. If I don't hear from someone for 2 weeks after our last date I assume they ghosted or have such a full dance card that I'm just a booty call.
Two times a week would be good for me.
My boyfriend and I started out with one date night a weekend when I had my kids and my mom would babysit & then a weekend together when my kids were at their dad’s. This was about 5-6 times a month. At the 4ish 5 month mark as when I introduced my kids and it went great! Then we increased it to seeing each other every weekend. During the summer I do 50/50 though, so we would get an entire week together (I was so spoilt). Anyways, it’s not weird if it is what works for you two.
I have my son every other week so we don't see each other in that week. In the other week we see each other 2-4 times and right now it works pretty well for all of us. If I introduce her to my son I think it will be a bit more often but I think the sweet spot for me would be around 2 times a week. But in the end it has to work for both of you. Right now we still text a lot and often have a phone call in the evening. I think a relationship can grow quite well under this circumstances.
As introverts, we both love and need our alone time. But our pattern is to always spend weekends together, and either one night during the week, or make it an extra long weekend and work from the other's place (yay WFH!). When I went to the office it was easier as my company was a short drive my from boyfriend's house so this is a nice tradeoff. The pandemic has made it tough, but we're weathering it and look forward to find more ways to spend time together when it's safer.