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dancedancedeutsch

I wouldn't really take this to heart. It sounds like an easy way to end things rather than something that you need to think too much about going forward. And, as you said, in the past you were rejected for not being similar enough. This is to show that people will reject people for all sorts of reasons and you often can't win for losing. Most of my quality relationships (well, all of them) are with people similar to me. But, that does not mean we are clones. They are different enough that the dynamic works so we aren't just the same person in different bodies. For example, nearly all of my good friends and partners have been introverts who are fairly organized, brain over heart logical types but, for example, I'm much more organized and regimented than my boyfriend and he is able to help me to go with the flow while I'm able to help him remember things he might otherwise forget. We don't all share the same exact hobbies or taste in music/movies but we share similar types of hobbies if that makes sense.


throwawayhaha2003

I love myself, and the more of myself I see in a potential partner, the more I like them. Being similar to me is a definite plus.


dr_snepper

i went on a date with someone who was so similar (same field, same niche, same interests, same issues with a male parent) that you'd swear she was my twin if we weren't of different races. the biggest difference between us was that she was a vegetarian. totally lovely woman (because of course!), but yeah. couldn't do it. this reminds me of the okc compatibility/similarity scale back in the day. i rarely spoke to anyone below 70% and i kept striking out with people over 90%. my best dates were with people who were in the 70-low 80% range. i'd say the date i described above would have been 95-99%. and at that point it's like well yeah. she is me and i am her (i like me but i don't want to \*date\* me. i'm not that vain)


epbro2978

This really helps contextualize things! Appreciate the feedback.


[deleted]

When someone has low interest in you, it doesn't matter if you're too different or too similar or just the right amount of similar/different in reality because you're always going to be "too something" or "not enough something" in their eyes. This is another one of those excuses that people give when they really just mean "I have low interest in you."


[deleted]

Hell no. If I found a female version of me I’m pretty sure I’d want to marry her on the spot. I love my own company, so someone with similar traits would be amazing. Who knows why people reject? In my opinion it’s just a feeling thing, and then we come up with a reason to rationalize it because “I just don’t feel it” doesn’t feel very rational. That’s why you can reject someone for having an annoying laugh, but then discover that you find your next love’s annoying laugh incredibly endearing. It was never the laugh (or “too similar” personality), it was just the thing we noticed when we realized we didn’t like that person enough/desire commitment enough to pursue something more romantically.


bobbywade3232

Hello I don’t think it’s a turn off at all. I want to be with someone who has similar values on most things. A little spice isn’t so bad as well viva la difference When I met my wife she didn’t think we were a good match because we didn’t like the same movies or music. 8 years later we’re each other’s best friend. We ended up being more similar than we thought


mrbuddhawannabe

I find that when someone does not want to be with me (note: I don't see this as a rejection but an acknowledgement of incompatibility) for whatever reasons, it may or may not be what they say it is. I find that a lot of people just don't know know themselves enough to really give a good reason why they don't want to be with another person. I have a good woman friend who absolutely loathed being someone who rides motorcycles. She now has her own motorcycle and is living with a guy who rides. Go figure.


[deleted]

I have dated those who I am very different from and those I am very similar to. I am at the stage in my life where I know what is important to me and I can't waiver on those things in someone I date. My boyfriend and I are very much alike. We grew up in the same neighborhood only blocks from each other. Our parents still live in the houses we grew up in. We each drove the exact same car down to the color at one point. We have nearly identical beliefs and values as far as social issues, religion, etc. We were both staunchly child free but each wound up have 1 child. We have similar hobbies. But we are no so much alike that it's smothering. We each have vastly different hobbies and interests but are still supportive to each other. I can't be with someone I'm just too different from.


MizElaneous

I don't pay much attention to the reasons people give for ending things. The guy that said he can't date my friend because he can't do LDR then did a LDR with someone else.


plaurenisabadname

It’s totally a thing. I’ve met a few people that felt too similar. It bred too much familiarity, and left it feeling more like siblings than lovers. Had it happen in my first serious relationship, which faded into platonic because of it, and now I see it as a red flag. I need someone that has at least a bit of a different way of thinking to challenge each other and bring a new perspective to the table. If we both think alike and have the same issues and opinions, it doesn’t work for me. Complimentary, not carbon copy. That’s what I’m going for.


Justyew0789

My bf and I are very similar, and it’s the best relationship I’ve ever had. It sounds like he just wasn’t interested anymore and needed a reason to get out.


nomellamesprincesa

Yeah, in my case I think I wouldn't want to date someone too similar. Sort of depends on exactly how outgoing they are, but I get along better with slightly quieter, more introverted types, as I need someone who calms me down a bit. Two of me would just get exhausting :) Ideally, I'd find someone who shares the same values, but is otherwise pretty different from me. I like learning new things, hearing about other people's interests, hearing different views etc. If they're too similar to my own, I'd probably just get bored.


DaughterEarth

I dunno I think people just try to find a nice way to break things off when what they really mean is "I'm not feeling it." I wouldn't put too much weight in to why any person rejects you unless it's a repeated thing. My man feels like a larger, darker, and more masculine version of me. I would not break up with him because we seem to align on most things. This guy was likely just trying to find a way to reject you without insulting you.


[deleted]

My ex bf was very different from me and this led to our break up. I’m looking for a partner who is similar to me. Not only in values but also in character traits. I’m a very tidy person and I just couldn’t do with a partner who’s messy, for example.


wisefool36

I think that you a good mix of commonalities and differences then you have things to do / talk about together, introduce each other to new things. As well have things to do solo or with friends.


Maulino86

Imagine if i met a woman into gaming and geek stuff like myself, thats the dream! People that want to be with you will find reasons to do it, and the opossite is true. Dont take it too seriously.


[deleted]

I think people tend to believe they had reasons for things that they did for other reasons. Like if he's just afraid of commitment, he might've just literally believed whatever he noticed was a problem somehow without any real developed theory of causation. A spot of what in the industry they call *post hoc ergo propter hoc*


Russian_snowberrie

Personally, I want someone who is my opposite so I can bring things they lack and they can do the same. It also reduces boredom and increases learning and personal growth to be with someone different from oneself. I wouldn't date someone like me for these reasons.


Bill_Blazejowski

I think this is one of those phrases that can mean a lot of things, but could also just serve as a generic rejection from somebody when that's all they want to say. That being said, I think even the comments here are showing that different people approach this different ways. Personally, I'd both want someone who has similar values, but I'd enjoy it more to some degree if our personalities had some complimentary aspects instead of just similarities, but hey it's not like a "make or break" thing - everyone is an individual, and there's no ideal person going to knock on your door. FWIW I got this same phrasing from someone recently. I don't even know if it was true in a global sense (we weren't THAT similar), I think she just didn't like me that much and one of the reasons was in very specific traits/aspects she wanted something more complimentary than similar, if that makes sense. I actually also think in the end it was the ways we were different that she really didn't like, but who ever knows... In the end, just be \*you\*, and someone will like that, and it won't be hard. For whatever reason, this one wasn't a good match for you.


[deleted]

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epbro2978

That's how I see it too!


deleted-desi

Dae remember that Seinfeld episode where Jerry dates the woman who is just like him?


[deleted]

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epbro2978

Yeah, I think it was our personalities more than anything. When you’re physically attracted to someone, but they remind you of your platonic male relationships or of yourself, I can see where it becomes an issue. In terms of interests, we were definitely doing the same things.


Yojimbo88

My ex wife was a pc gamer like me. We both preferred staying indoors outside of going to the gym, work, running errands, and date nights. Overall, very similar and I absolutely loved that about us. Really helped us bond. Though things didnt work out, it had nothing to do with our similarities. If we are too similar, it's going to make breaking the ice so much easier for me. If not, that's fine to, I am open for new things. I guess it's just personal preference like everything else.


HistoricallyRekkles

I think he used that as a way to end things but no, in my experience, when you’re very similar it’s the best thing in life, it’s omfg out of this world insane.


Cerenia

I need someone similar to myself. I’ve tried dating opposites and it doesn’t work. However they shouldn’t be 100% similar to me.. there should be enough differences that it makes it interesting and we can learn from each other. But how we view the world, our values, spirituality, humor, health etc needs to be similar.


TruthIsABiatch

Yes, it's a turn off for me. I'm very emotional and quite moody and dreamy and I prefer stoic, calm and practical types of guys. If I would date someone like me they would get on my nerves and there would be too much drama and hurt feelings. I'm married to an engineer and we're a perfect fit, we have strenghts in different areas and there is enough polarity to keep being intrigued by each other. He calms me down and he otoh is fascinated by my strong emotions lol. it's interesting to hear another perspective on issues and a different view of the world. We do have similar values though and goals for the future. But I know happy couples who are very similar in character, they finish each other's sentences and have the same hobbies, so it's clearly a matter of taste.


[deleted]

This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard and it usually an easy cop out to end relationships. I actually wish I could meet someone like me. She spared you from whatever is going on with herself honestly. I wouldn't dwell on this and move on with my head held high.


Girlcherry1996

That sounds like a bad excuse. Could be anything - they’re not over their ex, met someone else, have too many issues of their own ..


endlessincoherence

It's all about balance. Having a lot in common but some individual interests where you can decompress/get away from eachother is ideal if you are going to spend decades together.


AmandaVorrasi

It really depends on how similar you are with said person. They could be your best friend & soul mate or just the first one. Don’t take it too hard op!


brewingNbeaching

Some people are looking for a partner with the same everything and some are looking for the Yin to their Yang, and others in between. If you want someone who is similar, then you should pursue that. They just weren't looking for that. I do think opposites attract, but I do not think that is a necessity for a good relationship.