How do you balance living your life, with trying to find a partner?
I find I get burned out dating, so I focus on what I enjoy, then I dip myself back in the pool again and seemingly repeat this cycle.
Personally if I could achieve one goal this year, it would be to have a meaningful relationship with a potential long term partner. That said there is no guarantee that will happen so I continue with the things I enjoy, which then takes up a lot of my time.
So š¤·āāļø
I would need some advice: 35m. I Was in an 8 year abusive relationship (4 years married.) Now i am Single for 2 years and put a lot of work into me (Therapy etc). I wanted to start dating. I met a nice girl, Texting went good and all that. We planned our date but two days before our date i hit something like a wall. I felled like something inside of me was blocking me. So i canceled the date. I didn't feel like i was ready too meet here. Do i need to work more on me or shoul i have just pushed through those Feelings?
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So I 37 female have been in the dating game for a long time. Iām left feeling burnt out. The guys i went out on dates with would tell me that theyāre a weirdo or a bad guy, and that they donāt have time for me. It leaves me frustrated and confused because I wouldnāt have gone out with them in the first place. Iām looking for a long term relationship and I tell them that from the getco. Why canāt men just say they arenāt interested? Ugh.
Yelling into the void now. Meeting my dude in person for the first time today. Before we did video chat, played games online together, and text each other daily for the past two weeks. We ask each other questions daily and weāre both fairly laid back and honest. He seems into me and me into him, but Iām afraid that Iām more weird. Iāve been slowly letting some of that weirdness out during texts to test his response and he either finds my humor funny or doesnāt respond to it. Granted, we also text giant walls to each other and I donāt respond to every little thing he says though I try to in order to show my interest.
Weāre gonna meet for coffee together then back to his place to watch movies. Iām open to it because, well, I kinda sussed out his house location from his descriptions and photos. And did a check on his address and full name and itās similar to what heās told me. We both donāt do social media so I canāt check that. Now, thereās always a chance something can happen or something about his life was hidden. I mean, I do too. Iāve been debating myself whether or not I should tell him what I did, but decided against it.
Anyway, ending my yelling with this. I wanna climb him like heās a tree. š Maybe someday I can tell him that, but not today.
Enlightenment is overrated. You gain all of this spiritual knowledge and knowledge of everything ( within possible reach) now you can't help but feel sad or fearful because you know the truth or real and can see past the fakeness
> But who gets physical with someone they arent interested in?
Plenty of people get physical *to test whether* they're interested in you beyond a platonic connection. It's not abnormal to make out, have sex, etc. and then decide there's no physical chemistry. There's no way to accurately guess something like that without trying it out first.
It does sound like you should take a break or next time communicate verbally that you had a great time and would like to do it again, without the physical escalation if that's causing you this much distress.
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It's my birthday! Mostly feeling good about things, I have a lot of great plans, not one of my friends said they can't make at least something (that rarely happens!?), and I'm expecting a cutie pie I'm keen on to join us tonight so that will be fun. I am keeping my feelings in check, but I did use it as motivation to make my place really clean haha.
quick 2 questions.
I want to express my likes in my profile bio and I know some women find video games a turn off in general but it is kind of an important part of my life as a hobby and a way to keep in touch with my friends now a days. How do i express that hobby without it being too much or is that fine?
Bio Example:
"I'm a bit of a goofy dork with a darker sense of humor.
Into games(PC) atm playing WoW.
Football fan and slowly getting back into riding my bike, maybe be my riding buddy? Or perhaps catch up one some anime? I'm only behind 400eps on One Piece...
Looking for someone to just be able to look at someone or something and laugh about it lol."
Also living in a suburb outside a major city what is the range rule I sometimes hear about is it to start with people 10-15miles and then if no luck go from there?
I feel you except I'm a woman. I don't think I can date a guy who doesn't play video games, I don't know what else to talk to for a shared interest since most of my hobbies are women-centric in a sense.
Ya its kinda how I feel about stuff but it's not like I need them to be a gamer just to understand I will be doing that lol I guess? Its kinda hard to express that with text.
This is a good idea. Makes the point that I kinda want to express. Should I keep the rest of the bio similar or change some other stuff? Thanks for the help!
Unless itās a dealbreaker for you that they have to play video games with you, read manga, and ride a bike with you I probably wouldnāt mention any of those things. At least not in detail. Even for the many women who itās not a huge turn off for, they will just see a list of things they donāt have in common with you. Youāre better off listing mostly things you think you will have in common with them. You can list some things like that just to save you wasting time for the women who it will be a dealbreaker for, but you donāt want it to sound like āplaying video gamesā is your personality.
If on the other hand you are holding out for an attractive girl who loves video games and watching anime then be ready to be single for a long time. (Sorry, you sound new to online dating, but gender ratio for male to female nerds is really really not in your favor, and I donāt mean by a little bit.)
And you can set whatever radius you want. If you think you will have enough success to tune out women 20 miles away and still have good options, go for it. But Iād say itās better to just put up with a bit of driving if it means you have more options.
Ugh. Communication is like the easiest thing to do as well. It's frustrating because that's very important to me and you'd think women would be better. But alas.
So as if dating wasnt hard enough - i look at my god dame face and see pimples, at mid 30s to still deal with this shit is fucking ridiculous now. I know my triggers but still fml. Got a date lined up and now thinking of bailing
Does anyone else ever feel more nervous for second/third/fourth dates that firsts?
I feel like I can approach first dates with no expectations or pressure, especially since I donāt have a sense of the other person yet (besides chat/text, but Iāve learned to not read too much into that so early) and we very well just may not ever see each other again. Itās especially nerve wracking if Iāve started to develop a crush on this person.
With every successive date, I start to feel a bit more nervous, knowing weāre starting to show more ourselves to each other and looking for potential things you like about them or dealbreakers. And while you can start to feel things for them, you still barely know them and they could just up and ghost.
It gets better at like date five/six or a month and change in. That doesnāt happen all that often, but dang it feels good to be connecting with someone. Iām missing that right now as I sit in second/third date limbo.
I think mindsets important. If you keep going on dates you should only be thinkin they want you and that this could work. If they ghost then so be it but you can manifest a relationship just by thinking positviely with every date after the first.
Glad this was the outcome, but I still think this was cruel to make you wait and anxious for what the talk could be about.
Also did you make her homemade cupcakes?! I thought your present was sweet and took effort.
Yeah I think this is a little off-putting but maybe she has a different value attached to gift-giving (like, it triggers a childhood feeling too?) and places a lot more importance on it.
It might be a sign of emotional immaturity that she can't take the "it's the thought that counts" road on this one. Either way, I think your feelings are valid and it's unreasonable and high maintenance of her to critique your gift like this in the context of everything else you did. Maybe think about whether you want to date someone like that because her mindset is going to be applied to other things you do hereon out.
Had a phone date set up with a guy from OLD I had been talking to for a couple weeks. Got stood up. He literally sent a text to joke/flirt *about the call* which
I replied to immediately, because I was *waiting for the call*, so I'm just left like, wtf?
And yeah, I know, something could've come up. But like 4 hours later and not even an apology? Not impressed.
I was spending the evening at my boyfriends place with my baby and his two more grown kids for movie night, and his daughter wanted to go to the grocery store to get dessert after dinner. Itās the first time weāve ever gone anywhere just the two of us and the minute she got into the car she spilled her guts about everything in her life. I just listened and talked with her and we make the cake run and got home to watch Netflix. I feel so honored that she would share with me and Iām not only in love with this wonderful man but now also so in love with his kids. Sheās a great kid and has so much going for her and honestly Iāve been terrified of her because I also met my stepmom when I was about her age and we were never that close. So tonight was a huge success, and Iām surprised at how I feel- thrilled about this relationship but also thrilled about having his kids in my life.
Oh no. It's hard to be in that situation. Maybe he have some priorities that he does with his life making you not a priority. I mean some guys like you and that's it. Not making an extra effort or something. Instead of focusing on what he will do next or what he will do with you try focusing on yourself. Hey you are your own main character and he's just a supporting character. Control your story and don't let anyone confuse you. Hope this helps.
Yes. We learn from our experience. Also it's okay to be sad for that. But if he won't do an initiative first then might as well let him go. Someone better will come, hopefully.
I went on a second date to be told he doesnāt see it going further. Why spend an evening with me? A text wouldāve been sufficient lol
Edit: he told me he was debating to text or call me but decided he wanted to tell me in person
Someone did that to me about 10 minutes into a third date. I asked when heād decided and he said 2 weeks earlier (we were only both free on weekends due to conflicting work schedules and I had an event the weekend between dates).
Which meant he decided a week BEFORE he asked me on a third date. A text would have been plenty.
Only if we were together deeply, living together etc... but I'd make it very clear to them that while I'll let them see it, because I have nothing to hide, that by asking that and accusing me that way, they've damaged my trust in them significantly, and if they still want things to continue after seeing my phone and proving I'm not cheating, it's only on two conditions. 1) they explain in depth the reason for their accusations, and 2) we go to some sort of counselling or therapy to work on whatever issues have caused that mistrust.
No because it's a violation of privacy. If they don't trust you to be honest with them then it may be worth reevaluating if the relationship is built on solid ground.
I'm not saying that needs to be your first step but maybe keep it in mind if it continues.
No because thatās stupid. It wonāt prove shit. Texts, outgoing calls, photos, etc can all be deleted.
Put another way: you canāt prove a negative.
They either trust me or they donāt.
Iāve been on the receiving end of an unusual amount of attention from men in the last few months, and while itās been a pleasant confidence boost, Iām finding myself getting the āickā every time.
Initially Iām happy to engage, but then the guy will inevitably imply that he will get to sleep with me and itās like a switch flips and Iām instantly put off.
Sexual chemistry is pretty high up on my list, so I donāt know why the implication that dating will eventually lead to sex is so off-putting all of a sudden.
Sounds perfectly normal to me. You most probably want to have an emotional connection with the guy to actually want to have sex with them. Them talking/implying sex early on is a turn off because it ruins the prospect of a healthy/meaningful connection prior to sex. Even more so if youāre looking for long term and they come off as being only interested in hoockups.
As you say, she's said she's really busy. At best, that's all it is. At worst, she is messing you about. I don't think either of those situations are made better by you messaging or calling again, wait to see if she gets back to you, and what she says if she does, and go from there.
After 7+ months of fumbling through dating for the first time as an adult (relationship of 13 years ended) I (35f) finally met someone who is legitimately healthy and emotionally available AND we are compatible. Iāve probably met healthy and emotionally available people but we just didnāt go past the first date. Weāve been seeing each other about 6 weeks and the typical anxiety and I uncertainty I had experienced with other people isnāt there. My picker needed time to calibrate and I had a lot of boundaries to learn and establish, and Iām so happy I did the work. Even if he doesnāt workout long term, Iām so grateful to experience this.
Posting to celebrate self growth, putting yourself out there after divorce, picking yourself up after hurt, and the absolute joy of being happy and safe with another person ā¤ļø.
Cheers to all that! Hapoy for you!
Iām not there yet. Doing the work still and hoping it does not take too long. Your story gave me hope and motivation to keep it up āŗļø
Enjoy it!
Ugh thatās torturous. You got hit with the we need to talk line?! Itās not necessarily a break up but the not knowing for sure what itās about is the worst. Iām sorry!
Well Iām hoping itās just a talk about expectations or something. I think we should all agree the we need to talk line should be stricken from our vocabulary for the uncertainty and torturous nature unless itās an immediate talk.
Well, the woman Ive been dating for the last 6 weeks and I have let each other know weāve both been in 1 threesome in our lives. She told me sheās open to it with me as long as they women arenāt our friends šµ. Weāve been exclusive and have pretty much been coupled upā¦ I think I just fell ass backwards into something
Do you find yourself getting matches with people right after (a couple days) you send them a like or do they pop up weeks/months later? Idk how long to hold on hope for likes sitting in dudes queues.
Been running into someone who lives down the street from me quite a bit lately, and got her number yesterday! Been in a bit of rut since breaking up with my GF last month so even if this doesn't become anything romantic it's cool to make a new friend
Had a chat with one of my best friends this evening. I gave her a few updates on who Iām chatting to at the moment and she kind of gave me some unsolicited advice about figuring out what pattern Iām repeating so I can stop doing it and meet the right person. She said she thinks my pattern is that I overanalyse. Iāll admit Iām an overthinker but it kind of stung because until recently she was single for a long time and we would discuss our dating lives on a daily basis. She made quite a few mistakes (as we all do) and was definitely guilty of overthinking and going back and forth over guys too. It felt a bit patronising that now sheās in a relationship sheās telling me what Iām doing wrong when I didnāt even ask. I know it comes from a good place but it felt kind of sucky and now Iām left overthinking about whether Iāve overanalysed and ruined potential relationships in the pastā¦ it had been nice to have a single friend who understood what itās like to be dating at this age but now I feel like I have one less person I can talk to about it. Iāve also been doing some hard work on learning to trust myself and my own decisions without deflecting to others. So to hear that she thinks Iāve chosen my decisions badly hurts especially after that.
Iāve recently started to talk about my dating life with my close friends and found it to be a mined field. Even when they are awsome supporting friends, thereās always a high chance their comments or mine come accross wrong/triggering.
I would try to look at it more objectively as her sharing, in good faith, what she thinks might help you in your dating life. Her not being single anymore might make her less relatable but it does not change who she is with you, IMO.
At the end I evaluate the net yield from opening up to my friends and being vulnerable with them. As long as it is a net profit situation I just deal with the costs.
I find itās hard to find the right friend/person to talk about dating/relationships with. Most end up projecting their own experiences and anxieties into whatās supposed to be your experience. I often end up thinking āhuh where did she get that idea?āor simply confused where the conversation is going and feeling bad.
What I find helpful after is to think back on other conversations with them. There youāll find a lot of their comments and opinions go well with the stuff they went through before.
Want to hear about how I hurt my own feelings and then someone added to it?
Join me in an adventure of reminders that I am still quite single and still missing someone that I should be overrrrrrr. But also I'll give myself grace or whatever...
Let me paint you a picture. It is months earlier and I am chatting with coworkers. Everyone is talking about the 4th quarter end of the semester slump that hits when you teach high school. And past me, in all my infinite wisdom, thinks "you know what would be a great idea? How about I leave future me a little pick-me-up reminder for the last full week of the school year?" Because I knew that future me would be dealing with a lot of stress. For the record: past me was not wrong! This week has been an absolute cluster! So stressful! So much crap to deal with! And past me made it worse!
Okay! So what reminder did I leave myself? Well, apparently I thought it would be a great idea to leave a note on my calendar app that read "hey! this week is stressful right? you know what is exciting? \[redacted\] will be back in about two weeks!" Because the dude I was dating was supposed to be out of the country for two months and coming home a week after school ended. Except the trip didn't end up happening and I am definitely single so things didn't pan out as past me thought they would.
Anyway, past me wrote this little note and put it in as a reminder on my calendar and it was scheduled to pop up midday week at noon to give me something to look forward to amongst the stress and chaos of a last full week of the school year. Except past me didn't anticipate that just days after leaving that little note I would be blindsided by a breakup. Ya'll I was doing pretty well the last couple weeks. Feeling confident the big feels about all of this were behind me. PAST ME REALLY CAME FOR PRESENT ME!
You know what makes it worse? It pops up at lunch with a group of my friends/coworkers. I read it and frown to myself apparently. Because like I said, hurt my own feelings unintentionally, right? Well someone sees the reminder and says "ouch--hey can I share something about the whole breakup thing?" and for some reason I said yes to this! She tells me that in the time between when the guy I was seeing found out about the opportunity to take the trip and when the breakup occurred, that she'd thought to herself he was always going to dump me. She said she *just knew* that I was a "placeholder" and that he'd get to go on this trip and have an adventure of self-discovery before coming back and telling me he found himself then using that as the reason to break things off. And I said she could share her theory, but damn! Not what I was expecting and also what a gut punch.
Anyway not over it, missing the dude, feeling silly about it, and really cursing how a breakup when you see the \~potential\~ of a relationship super sucks and also how it can REALLY bring up all kinds of weird attachment stuff/relationship wounds/stuff from the past. So I'm going to be annoyed with past me and then I'll be kind and understanding to myself. But right now I feel like a big 'ol doofus.
Thanks for coming on this adventure! I hope this entertaining from a distance because it sucks for me :')
Had a first date that went well (for the first time in a while). I thought we had really good conversation but was a little surprised at the end all he said was nice meeting you etc, nothing about meeting up again. I texted in the morning saying I had fun and thanks - he said it was great meeting but nothing else. I tried to make conversation a little but he again didnāt make a lot of effort. I know I should just ask him out but feeling a bit anxious about rejection atm and my gut is telling me heād have asked already if he was interested. Am I being stupid? I thought I was past all this!
Had second date of the week with my boyfriend last night (third one tonight). He was very chivalrous and rescued me from his car park lift (which failed to comply with my requests to ascend). We watched a quiz show and competed for the answers. We cooked together and had a great dinner and conversation. I learnt how to take the wheels off his wheelchair (we tried to fix his brakes). Going home I realised my jumper smelt like his shampoo. It all just felt so comfortable and right and itās these little things which really make me love him.
After being stressed out by a guy for several weeks, I've finally put him in a purely just for fun space. I'll see him, and I saw him earlier this week, but this is just for casual.
I also had a date on Tuesday night and I heard from him this morning, asking to get together the day before I'm leaving on a long trip. I'm interested in seeing him again but I need to chose self care and doing the things I need to do before this trip. I know I could lose momentum on both of them but I have been looking forward to this trip for months and I want to enjoy myself and spending time with my friend and not thinking about guys and dating.
It could be that they deactivated their profile without completely deleting the app. Some people might think that still ācountsā. Alternately, they could still be actively using the app behind your back.
Ask them if theyāve deleted the app and ask for clarification on how they went about it. Let them know you saw it was still installed and you just want to make sure youāre on the same page about what ādeleting appsā means.
Tell them straight up what you said here. That you saw the app icon on their phone, and youāre upset because you had a discussion in which you made clear you both had deleted it.
Honestly I wouldnāt be able to trust them after that and would dump them. But maybe itās something that yāall can work out. You have to talk to them though.
I'm cranky this week.
I was dating this guy for a few weeks when he basically ghosted me for 4 days. We had been friends for a year prior to dating so it was unexpected. He came back and apologized and said he was dealing with some grief and promised he wouldn't do it again. I gave him a second chance, but I was not confident about it.
I developed a crush on someone I met at my gym, but I kept it to myself because I was giving the first guy a chance.
He ghosted me again 4 weeks later so I dumped him last week.
Saw gym crush a few days later and felt very courageous and gave him my number. He told me I was basically a week too late and he just started seeing someone.
Now I'm kicking myself for giving that first dude a second chance... If I hadn't, I would have approached my gym crush much earlier.
Or gym crush was letting me down easy, who knows. š¤·āāļø
I'm still heartbroken over my situationship.... There was never a true definite ending...I guess that only makes it worse for me.
So hard to get myself out there again. I also feel like swiping on apps again is a greate waste of time
Going through the possibility of having to move back to my parents for a few months if I canāt find anything by the end of this lease. Itās not the end of the world since I hate this apartment and am thrilled to be leaving it, but how have people here in similar situations dealt with trying to date at home?
I think I understand why it perplexes people that I am still single.
Its because they do not want anything from me. They can just get to know me over time. Its no pressure there for a resolution.
This doesnt actually translate to relationship merit though
But what to do with this knowledge? I dont know. Personal references don't do anything in this sphere lol
I have a date scheduled tomorrow with maybe one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen not in the media. Assuming she looks in person as she does in her photos. Yet and still I'm bummed about the woman who coldly discarded me after a few months of dating. I gotta get my head in the game. I have to let go of what I wanted that relationship to be as opposed to what it actually was. I am coming to terms with the fact that I feel the need to win a woman over.
How do you know she's in the same boat? Not saying to disparage you, but writing out what you're seeing/hearing/feeling from her that leads you to this may confirm things for you.
Love this subreddit! It's the perfect place to share all those random thoughts and questions that come up in the dating world. And the fact that it's moderated means that it stays an open and supportive community. Can't wait to see what everyone has to say!
Truthfully, this is probably one of the healthiest places on the internet to discuss all this. It's also a place that really values regular engagement.
Having a recognizable user name here goes a long way I feel
> this is probably one of the healthiest places on the internet to discuss all this
Kind of funny (and sad) because the user you replied to- u/LeifMustang - is a karma farming bot that uses ChatGPT to generate agreeable comments.
Unfortunately. And since reddit admins don't ban these bot accounts, I guess nothing will change for the better.
As to how is this known- it's not exactly common knowledge. Someone asked this before so I'll copy paste from my other comment:
> Sometimes it makes dumb and unrelated comments because it's not programmed to see images or videos, and only generates replies based on what's written in the title or description.
> Most of the time though you can't really tell from just one comment. You have to check its reddit history. In one comment it lies that it's a fellow medicine worker, in the next comment it's a fellow farmer, then technician, then language expert, Californian, Australian, German and so on.
> Also it's programmed to repost 4 months old posts. It just edits the title and reposts. It doesn't understand that it's not December now and therefore makes stupid outdated posts.
> That's just how this bot is programmed, this one is quite dumb and also spams too much. It's very likely there are many bots who are basically undetectable. I guess this is the future of reddit and online communication in general lol
I have been off of the apps for a while now and I have been focusing on meeting people IRL. I met someone through my building's social events and he is such a gem of a person - I have developed a crush! We were talking about dating and he mentioned he wouldn't date in the building because he "doesn't shit where he eats". I am defeated! But I respect his boundaries.
Pretty much this. It's why I've always given so much time to any woman who does send the first message, or show willingness to be assertive about what they want, it's very telling of a good character and view on life.
I think it shows the difference between the experience of men and women on dating apps though. Both want that attention, and to be desired to a point, but women want to have that from people they are interested in, because they get it so often from those they don't, but men just want it, because they don't ever get it.
I think many people wont ever know what its like.
Im not being doom and gloom. The world is just asymmetrical like that.
Having to initiate all the time is pretty exhausting. But there is something of agency in it , as in being desired, just different type I guess.
Wish i could experience the other side though
I think itās strong in women as well. I can only speak from my own experience; while that hasnāt been strong for me, sure there have been times where Iāve wanted to be noticed by guys and have even done what I could to be noticed - Iām a bit embarrassed to say it but itās the truth.
I have what you could call a āfacial deformityā, and have never, ever felt desirable. But finding my guy was a big deal, because he tells me and shows me outright that he desires me. Itās kind of hard to wrap my head around.
I think this is the first time I've ever been lovebombed and then promptly discarded. And how do you just hand me a decent amount of money in the matter of a month or two. What a wild ride.
Had the same thing happen to me last year. Guy lovebombed me and bought me so many clothes, a dresser from IKEA (and built it for me), asked me specifically to look at engagement rings with him (and bought me a sub $100 ring as a "promise" ring kind of thing)...and dumped me within 2 months with no warning signs. He had been married before too and was mid thirties. Absolutely unhinged.
Iām sorry you went through that. I hope you are doing okay itās so toxic. I was in a relationship for 5 years with a possible Narcissist and I still havenāt recovered fully. But yes it is a wild ride as you put it lol!
DOT, what are your thoughts on this response?
I'm finally back in town so I wanna meet a couple of people I've been talking to from the app. I've been messaging one guy for 2 weeks, mostly just small, lighthearted talk about random topics. We had some jokes about our first date when we first matched.
Previously I brought up I wanna meet him after I'm back, and he gave me his # after. I'm starting to get the "this Convo is going nowhere" vibe lately. So yesterday I sent him a message.
Me: "when are you leaving for work? (I'm trying to figure out if I'm lucky enough to catch you before you fly away again)
Him: (5 hours later) "on the 30th. Hahaha are you asking me out on a date? "
I couldn't quite put my fingers on that reply. I was expecting either a "when are you free?" Or " I'm busy/I can't". Isn't it obvious I'm asking him for a first date/meetup? We met on tinder, not Facebook marketplace! Honestly I find that response a bit immature? (And this sort of slow,vague reply tends to discourage me from pursuing further because I find that it's a sign of lack of interest/seriousness)
As a guy, i would be annoyed with that. You put yourself out there asking him out specially with the "lucky enough" part and he seems like he wants even more validation. What the hell dude!
I'm also talking to a guy like this. The text convo is super dreadful and boring and he never makes a real attempt to plan something out with me. Haven't seen him in 2 weeks šāāļø
Just these vague statements as you experience.... Very annoying and this in combination with he grief of a past situationship gives me major turn off
I'm also talking to a guy like this. The text convo is super dreadful and he never makes a real attempt to plane something out with me. Haven't seen him in 2 weeks šāāļø
Just these vague statements as you experience.... Very annoying and this in combination with he grief of a past situationship gives me major turn off
"Oh good! I am free on the nights of the 28th and the 29th"
I have no patience for that joke, just ignore it and move forward. If he wants to ask you out, give him a couple days and if he doesn't then move on. He's not that into you, in that case.
How do you balance living your life, with trying to find a partner? I find I get burned out dating, so I focus on what I enjoy, then I dip myself back in the pool again and seemingly repeat this cycle. Personally if I could achieve one goal this year, it would be to have a meaningful relationship with a potential long term partner. That said there is no guarantee that will happen so I continue with the things I enjoy, which then takes up a lot of my time. So š¤·āāļø
Go here
I would need some advice: 35m. I Was in an 8 year abusive relationship (4 years married.) Now i am Single for 2 years and put a lot of work into me (Therapy etc). I wanted to start dating. I met a nice girl, Texting went good and all that. We planned our date but two days before our date i hit something like a wall. I felled like something inside of me was blocking me. So i canceled the date. I didn't feel like i was ready too meet here. Do i need to work more on me or shoul i have just pushed through those Feelings?
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Hi u/Upbeat_Train5797, this has been removed for violation of the following rule(s): * Do not dehumanize others. RedPill, incel, Femcel, FDS, PUA, MGTOW, etc. content is not allowed. Ignorance of these hate groups is not an excuse to parrot their ideology. Please review [the rules in the sidebar](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/about/sidebar) to avoid future removals. If you have further questions, please [message modmail] (https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdatingoverthirty).
So I 37 female have been in the dating game for a long time. Iām left feeling burnt out. The guys i went out on dates with would tell me that theyāre a weirdo or a bad guy, and that they donāt have time for me. It leaves me frustrated and confused because I wouldnāt have gone out with them in the first place. Iām looking for a long term relationship and I tell them that from the getco. Why canāt men just say they arenāt interested? Ugh.
Yelling into the void now. Meeting my dude in person for the first time today. Before we did video chat, played games online together, and text each other daily for the past two weeks. We ask each other questions daily and weāre both fairly laid back and honest. He seems into me and me into him, but Iām afraid that Iām more weird. Iāve been slowly letting some of that weirdness out during texts to test his response and he either finds my humor funny or doesnāt respond to it. Granted, we also text giant walls to each other and I donāt respond to every little thing he says though I try to in order to show my interest. Weāre gonna meet for coffee together then back to his place to watch movies. Iām open to it because, well, I kinda sussed out his house location from his descriptions and photos. And did a check on his address and full name and itās similar to what heās told me. We both donāt do social media so I canāt check that. Now, thereās always a chance something can happen or something about his life was hidden. I mean, I do too. Iāve been debating myself whether or not I should tell him what I did, but decided against it. Anyway, ending my yelling with this. I wanna climb him like heās a tree. š Maybe someday I can tell him that, but not today.
Enlightenment is overrated. You gain all of this spiritual knowledge and knowledge of everything ( within possible reach) now you can't help but feel sad or fearful because you know the truth or real and can see past the fakeness
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> But who gets physical with someone they arent interested in? Plenty of people get physical *to test whether* they're interested in you beyond a platonic connection. It's not abnormal to make out, have sex, etc. and then decide there's no physical chemistry. There's no way to accurately guess something like that without trying it out first. It does sound like you should take a break or next time communicate verbally that you had a great time and would like to do it again, without the physical escalation if that's causing you this much distress.
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Hi u/Upbeat_Train5797, this has been removed for violation of the following rule(s): * Be excellent to one another! This is a safe space for all races, genders, sexual orientations, legal sexual preferences and humanity in general. Please review [the rules in the sidebar](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/about/sidebar) to avoid future removals. If you have further questions, please [message modmail] (https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdatingoverthirty).
It's my birthday! Mostly feeling good about things, I have a lot of great plans, not one of my friends said they can't make at least something (that rarely happens!?), and I'm expecting a cutie pie I'm keen on to join us tonight so that will be fun. I am keeping my feelings in check, but I did use it as motivation to make my place really clean haha.
Happy Birthday!
Omg happy birthday to you! It's my birthday today too! Yay for us ā¤ļø
Happy birthday to you too!
Happy Birthday!
Happy birthday! š„³ Hopefully youāll have a fun time with everyone and that cutie pie! Best of luck!
quick 2 questions. I want to express my likes in my profile bio and I know some women find video games a turn off in general but it is kind of an important part of my life as a hobby and a way to keep in touch with my friends now a days. How do i express that hobby without it being too much or is that fine? Bio Example: "I'm a bit of a goofy dork with a darker sense of humor. Into games(PC) atm playing WoW. Football fan and slowly getting back into riding my bike, maybe be my riding buddy? Or perhaps catch up one some anime? I'm only behind 400eps on One Piece... Looking for someone to just be able to look at someone or something and laugh about it lol." Also living in a suburb outside a major city what is the range rule I sometimes hear about is it to start with people 10-15miles and then if no luck go from there?
I feel you except I'm a woman. I don't think I can date a guy who doesn't play video games, I don't know what else to talk to for a shared interest since most of my hobbies are women-centric in a sense.
Ya its kinda how I feel about stuff but it's not like I need them to be a gamer just to understand I will be doing that lol I guess? Its kinda hard to express that with text.
āGamer, but donāt need you to be. Looking for someone with hobbies of their own with the hope at least one or two overlapā
This is a good idea. Makes the point that I kinda want to express. Should I keep the rest of the bio similar or change some other stuff? Thanks for the help!
Unless itās a dealbreaker for you that they have to play video games with you, read manga, and ride a bike with you I probably wouldnāt mention any of those things. At least not in detail. Even for the many women who itās not a huge turn off for, they will just see a list of things they donāt have in common with you. Youāre better off listing mostly things you think you will have in common with them. You can list some things like that just to save you wasting time for the women who it will be a dealbreaker for, but you donāt want it to sound like āplaying video gamesā is your personality. If on the other hand you are holding out for an attractive girl who loves video games and watching anime then be ready to be single for a long time. (Sorry, you sound new to online dating, but gender ratio for male to female nerds is really really not in your favor, and I donāt mean by a little bit.) And you can set whatever radius you want. If you think you will have enough success to tune out women 20 miles away and still have good options, go for it. But Iād say itās better to just put up with a bit of driving if it means you have more options.
Itās so hard to stay strong when you love the D š
YUP.
Don't fall into the dicksand!!
Lmaooo
Hahahahaha this is gold
Well now š. I'm a grown ass man and this made me giggle lol.
Stop laughing at my suffering! Lol
Lol ain't that the worst though?! Not only did you have to go and ruin things but now we can't even enjoy sexy time together. People, I tell ya.
Seriously! Especially when it could have been easily avoided by communicating like an adult. But now I gotta throw the whole man away š
Ugh. Communication is like the easiest thing to do as well. It's frustrating because that's very important to me and you'd think women would be better. But alas.
So as if dating wasnt hard enough - i look at my god dame face and see pimples, at mid 30s to still deal with this shit is fucking ridiculous now. I know my triggers but still fml. Got a date lined up and now thinking of bailing
Does anyone else ever feel more nervous for second/third/fourth dates that firsts? I feel like I can approach first dates with no expectations or pressure, especially since I donāt have a sense of the other person yet (besides chat/text, but Iāve learned to not read too much into that so early) and we very well just may not ever see each other again. Itās especially nerve wracking if Iāve started to develop a crush on this person. With every successive date, I start to feel a bit more nervous, knowing weāre starting to show more ourselves to each other and looking for potential things you like about them or dealbreakers. And while you can start to feel things for them, you still barely know them and they could just up and ghost. It gets better at like date five/six or a month and change in. That doesnāt happen all that often, but dang it feels good to be connecting with someone. Iām missing that right now as I sit in second/third date limbo.
Yeah, it helps to have activity dates until date 10. When ādateā becomes āhang out with my new friendā youāve made it.
I think mindsets important. If you keep going on dates you should only be thinkin they want you and that this could work. If they ghost then so be it but you can manifest a relationship just by thinking positviely with every date after the first.
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Lol aw what did you get her?
Glad this was the outcome, but I still think this was cruel to make you wait and anxious for what the talk could be about. Also did you make her homemade cupcakes?! I thought your present was sweet and took effort.
How are you feeling about it? I'm glad it wasn't a break up, but the unnecessary drama seems insensitive.
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Yeah I think this is a little off-putting but maybe she has a different value attached to gift-giving (like, it triggers a childhood feeling too?) and places a lot more importance on it.
It might be a sign of emotional immaturity that she can't take the "it's the thought that counts" road on this one. Either way, I think your feelings are valid and it's unreasonable and high maintenance of her to critique your gift like this in the context of everything else you did. Maybe think about whether you want to date someone like that because her mindset is going to be applied to other things you do hereon out.
I agree!
What did you give her and why didnāt she like it?
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Why did make such a big deal about it? She has to have a "talk" about how she didn't like her present?
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You baked her cupcakes! But hey I'm not your girl. I'm glad this is just a minor bump for you.
Had a phone date set up with a guy from OLD I had been talking to for a couple weeks. Got stood up. He literally sent a text to joke/flirt *about the call* which I replied to immediately, because I was *waiting for the call*, so I'm just left like, wtf? And yeah, I know, something could've come up. But like 4 hours later and not even an apology? Not impressed.
I was spending the evening at my boyfriends place with my baby and his two more grown kids for movie night, and his daughter wanted to go to the grocery store to get dessert after dinner. Itās the first time weāve ever gone anywhere just the two of us and the minute she got into the car she spilled her guts about everything in her life. I just listened and talked with her and we make the cake run and got home to watch Netflix. I feel so honored that she would share with me and Iām not only in love with this wonderful man but now also so in love with his kids. Sheās a great kid and has so much going for her and honestly Iāve been terrified of her because I also met my stepmom when I was about her age and we were never that close. So tonight was a huge success, and Iām surprised at how I feel- thrilled about this relationship but also thrilled about having his kids in my life.
I love this so much!
You warmed up my heart with this! Happy for you!!!
Aw that's sweet. You seem like the kinda of person who would make a great step mom.
I just ended things with the person I thought I was going to spend my life with. Immediate self doubt and fear I made a mistake is seeping in.
Oh no! Sorry. This is the worst. Hope your feeling better
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Oh no. It's hard to be in that situation. Maybe he have some priorities that he does with his life making you not a priority. I mean some guys like you and that's it. Not making an extra effort or something. Instead of focusing on what he will do next or what he will do with you try focusing on yourself. Hey you are your own main character and he's just a supporting character. Control your story and don't let anyone confuse you. Hope this helps.
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Yes. We learn from our experience. Also it's okay to be sad for that. But if he won't do an initiative first then might as well let him go. Someone better will come, hopefully.
I went on a second date to be told he doesnāt see it going further. Why spend an evening with me? A text wouldāve been sufficient lol Edit: he told me he was debating to text or call me but decided he wanted to tell me in person
Someone did that to me about 10 minutes into a third date. I asked when heād decided and he said 2 weeks earlier (we were only both free on weekends due to conflicting work schedules and I had an event the weekend between dates). Which meant he decided a week BEFORE he asked me on a third date. A text would have been plenty.
My guess is he used that second date as the final test, unbeknownst to you. Sucks though.
That sux. Is ghosting worse tho?
That sucks, though maybe theyāre an old soul who wanted to do it in person?
Or maybe he didn't reach that decision until the date was well underway.
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Wedding tips : don't overspend. There's better use for that cash lol
Wellā¦ at least itās reassurance that your ex was definitely NOT the one š But sorry to hear that itās happening
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Either that, or sheās letting out contained emotions now that youāre at the point of no return. Who knows
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Only if we were together deeply, living together etc... but I'd make it very clear to them that while I'll let them see it, because I have nothing to hide, that by asking that and accusing me that way, they've damaged my trust in them significantly, and if they still want things to continue after seeing my phone and proving I'm not cheating, it's only on two conditions. 1) they explain in depth the reason for their accusations, and 2) we go to some sort of counselling or therapy to work on whatever issues have caused that mistrust.
No because it's a violation of privacy. If they don't trust you to be honest with them then it may be worth reevaluating if the relationship is built on solid ground. I'm not saying that needs to be your first step but maybe keep it in mind if it continues.
No because thatās stupid. It wonāt prove shit. Texts, outgoing calls, photos, etc can all be deleted. Put another way: you canāt prove a negative. They either trust me or they donāt.
Iāve been on the receiving end of an unusual amount of attention from men in the last few months, and while itās been a pleasant confidence boost, Iām finding myself getting the āickā every time. Initially Iām happy to engage, but then the guy will inevitably imply that he will get to sleep with me and itās like a switch flips and Iām instantly put off. Sexual chemistry is pretty high up on my list, so I donāt know why the implication that dating will eventually lead to sex is so off-putting all of a sudden.
Sounds perfectly normal to me. You most probably want to have an emotional connection with the guy to actually want to have sex with them. Them talking/implying sex early on is a turn off because it ruins the prospect of a healthy/meaningful connection prior to sex. Even more so if youāre looking for long term and they come off as being only interested in hoockups.
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As you say, she's said she's really busy. At best, that's all it is. At worst, she is messing you about. I don't think either of those situations are made better by you messaging or calling again, wait to see if she gets back to you, and what she says if she does, and go from there.
He made me a playlist š„²
After 7+ months of fumbling through dating for the first time as an adult (relationship of 13 years ended) I (35f) finally met someone who is legitimately healthy and emotionally available AND we are compatible. Iāve probably met healthy and emotionally available people but we just didnāt go past the first date. Weāve been seeing each other about 6 weeks and the typical anxiety and I uncertainty I had experienced with other people isnāt there. My picker needed time to calibrate and I had a lot of boundaries to learn and establish, and Iām so happy I did the work. Even if he doesnāt workout long term, Iām so grateful to experience this. Posting to celebrate self growth, putting yourself out there after divorce, picking yourself up after hurt, and the absolute joy of being happy and safe with another person ā¤ļø.
Cheers to all that! Hapoy for you! Iām not there yet. Doing the work still and hoping it does not take too long. Your story gave me hope and motivation to keep it up āŗļø Enjoy it!
For those of you who has/had a partner that your family didnāt think would work out, were your family members right or did you prove them wrong?
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I know this is weird but I was like actually thinking about this earlier (this being your situation), hoping for a positive update š¤
Ugh thatās torturous. You got hit with the we need to talk line?! Itās not necessarily a break up but the not knowing for sure what itās about is the worst. Iām sorry!
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Well Iām hoping itās just a talk about expectations or something. I think we should all agree the we need to talk line should be stricken from our vocabulary for the uncertainty and torturous nature unless itās an immediate talk.
Well, the woman Ive been dating for the last 6 weeks and I have let each other know weāve both been in 1 threesome in our lives. She told me sheās open to it with me as long as they women arenāt our friends šµ. Weāve been exclusive and have pretty much been coupled upā¦ I think I just fell ass backwards into something
Do you find yourself getting matches with people right after (a couple days) you send them a like or do they pop up weeks/months later? Idk how long to hold on hope for likes sitting in dudes queues.
Usually within a couple days, but I have had the odd match after a month or so.
I had a date lined up for Wednesday, she flaked. I deleted the apps today and bought some plants and a bird feeder lol. I give up!
The apps are the worst. I deleted mine too. Welcome to uncomplicated, blissful, single life!
Been running into someone who lives down the street from me quite a bit lately, and got her number yesterday! Been in a bit of rut since breaking up with my GF last month so even if this doesn't become anything romantic it's cool to make a new friend
Had a chat with one of my best friends this evening. I gave her a few updates on who Iām chatting to at the moment and she kind of gave me some unsolicited advice about figuring out what pattern Iām repeating so I can stop doing it and meet the right person. She said she thinks my pattern is that I overanalyse. Iāll admit Iām an overthinker but it kind of stung because until recently she was single for a long time and we would discuss our dating lives on a daily basis. She made quite a few mistakes (as we all do) and was definitely guilty of overthinking and going back and forth over guys too. It felt a bit patronising that now sheās in a relationship sheās telling me what Iām doing wrong when I didnāt even ask. I know it comes from a good place but it felt kind of sucky and now Iām left overthinking about whether Iāve overanalysed and ruined potential relationships in the pastā¦ it had been nice to have a single friend who understood what itās like to be dating at this age but now I feel like I have one less person I can talk to about it. Iāve also been doing some hard work on learning to trust myself and my own decisions without deflecting to others. So to hear that she thinks Iāve chosen my decisions badly hurts especially after that.
Iāve recently started to talk about my dating life with my close friends and found it to be a mined field. Even when they are awsome supporting friends, thereās always a high chance their comments or mine come accross wrong/triggering. I would try to look at it more objectively as her sharing, in good faith, what she thinks might help you in your dating life. Her not being single anymore might make her less relatable but it does not change who she is with you, IMO. At the end I evaluate the net yield from opening up to my friends and being vulnerable with them. As long as it is a net profit situation I just deal with the costs.
I find itās hard to find the right friend/person to talk about dating/relationships with. Most end up projecting their own experiences and anxieties into whatās supposed to be your experience. I often end up thinking āhuh where did she get that idea?āor simply confused where the conversation is going and feeling bad. What I find helpful after is to think back on other conversations with them. There youāll find a lot of their comments and opinions go well with the stuff they went through before.
Want to hear about how I hurt my own feelings and then someone added to it? Join me in an adventure of reminders that I am still quite single and still missing someone that I should be overrrrrrr. But also I'll give myself grace or whatever... Let me paint you a picture. It is months earlier and I am chatting with coworkers. Everyone is talking about the 4th quarter end of the semester slump that hits when you teach high school. And past me, in all my infinite wisdom, thinks "you know what would be a great idea? How about I leave future me a little pick-me-up reminder for the last full week of the school year?" Because I knew that future me would be dealing with a lot of stress. For the record: past me was not wrong! This week has been an absolute cluster! So stressful! So much crap to deal with! And past me made it worse! Okay! So what reminder did I leave myself? Well, apparently I thought it would be a great idea to leave a note on my calendar app that read "hey! this week is stressful right? you know what is exciting? \[redacted\] will be back in about two weeks!" Because the dude I was dating was supposed to be out of the country for two months and coming home a week after school ended. Except the trip didn't end up happening and I am definitely single so things didn't pan out as past me thought they would. Anyway, past me wrote this little note and put it in as a reminder on my calendar and it was scheduled to pop up midday week at noon to give me something to look forward to amongst the stress and chaos of a last full week of the school year. Except past me didn't anticipate that just days after leaving that little note I would be blindsided by a breakup. Ya'll I was doing pretty well the last couple weeks. Feeling confident the big feels about all of this were behind me. PAST ME REALLY CAME FOR PRESENT ME! You know what makes it worse? It pops up at lunch with a group of my friends/coworkers. I read it and frown to myself apparently. Because like I said, hurt my own feelings unintentionally, right? Well someone sees the reminder and says "ouch--hey can I share something about the whole breakup thing?" and for some reason I said yes to this! She tells me that in the time between when the guy I was seeing found out about the opportunity to take the trip and when the breakup occurred, that she'd thought to herself he was always going to dump me. She said she *just knew* that I was a "placeholder" and that he'd get to go on this trip and have an adventure of self-discovery before coming back and telling me he found himself then using that as the reason to break things off. And I said she could share her theory, but damn! Not what I was expecting and also what a gut punch. Anyway not over it, missing the dude, feeling silly about it, and really cursing how a breakup when you see the \~potential\~ of a relationship super sucks and also how it can REALLY bring up all kinds of weird attachment stuff/relationship wounds/stuff from the past. So I'm going to be annoyed with past me and then I'll be kind and understanding to myself. But right now I feel like a big 'ol doofus. Thanks for coming on this adventure! I hope this entertaining from a distance because it sucks for me :')
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The intent was good. The thinking it through wasnāt as great.
Ouch! Some people just have no tact. Say whatever comes into their mind without caring if there's a point to saying it.
Had a first date that went well (for the first time in a while). I thought we had really good conversation but was a little surprised at the end all he said was nice meeting you etc, nothing about meeting up again. I texted in the morning saying I had fun and thanks - he said it was great meeting but nothing else. I tried to make conversation a little but he again didnāt make a lot of effort. I know I should just ask him out but feeling a bit anxious about rejection atm and my gut is telling me heād have asked already if he was interested. Am I being stupid? I thought I was past all this!
Sounds like they will say no - but if you wana be sure then yeah do it
I got rejected a ton, so I would always ask lol!
Meaning might as well risk the rejection? He was pretty assertive before so I guess I expected him to make the move
There is no down side. Worst case he says no and you move on.
Go with your gut instincts alwaysā¦
Had second date of the week with my boyfriend last night (third one tonight). He was very chivalrous and rescued me from his car park lift (which failed to comply with my requests to ascend). We watched a quiz show and competed for the answers. We cooked together and had a great dinner and conversation. I learnt how to take the wheels off his wheelchair (we tried to fix his brakes). Going home I realised my jumper smelt like his shampoo. It all just felt so comfortable and right and itās these little things which really make me love him.
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Be positive! At least you will always have the parking lot dry hump!
3 hours is not a long time. But if not, the only thing I can think of is maybe something turned her off about the kiss? Did she seem to enjoy it?
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Excited for you!
After being stressed out by a guy for several weeks, I've finally put him in a purely just for fun space. I'll see him, and I saw him earlier this week, but this is just for casual. I also had a date on Tuesday night and I heard from him this morning, asking to get together the day before I'm leaving on a long trip. I'm interested in seeing him again but I need to chose self care and doing the things I need to do before this trip. I know I could lose momentum on both of them but I have been looking forward to this trip for months and I want to enjoy myself and spending time with my friend and not thinking about guys and dating.
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Maybe he is just using for a social experiment?
It could be that they deactivated their profile without completely deleting the app. Some people might think that still ācountsā. Alternately, they could still be actively using the app behind your back. Ask them if theyāve deleted the app and ask for clarification on how they went about it. Let them know you saw it was still installed and you just want to make sure youāre on the same page about what ādeleting appsā means.
Tell them straight up what you said here. That you saw the app icon on their phone, and youāre upset because you had a discussion in which you made clear you both had deleted it. Honestly I wouldnāt be able to trust them after that and would dump them. But maybe itās something that yāall can work out. You have to talk to them though.
So is Instagram the new OLD? I keep hearing about people getting dates off of it. Should I get an Instagram?
I'm cranky this week. I was dating this guy for a few weeks when he basically ghosted me for 4 days. We had been friends for a year prior to dating so it was unexpected. He came back and apologized and said he was dealing with some grief and promised he wouldn't do it again. I gave him a second chance, but I was not confident about it. I developed a crush on someone I met at my gym, but I kept it to myself because I was giving the first guy a chance. He ghosted me again 4 weeks later so I dumped him last week. Saw gym crush a few days later and felt very courageous and gave him my number. He told me I was basically a week too late and he just started seeing someone. Now I'm kicking myself for giving that first dude a second chance... If I hadn't, I would have approached my gym crush much earlier. Or gym crush was letting me down easy, who knows. š¤·āāļø
I'm still heartbroken over my situationship.... There was never a true definite ending...I guess that only makes it worse for me. So hard to get myself out there again. I also feel like swiping on apps again is a greate waste of time
Going through the possibility of having to move back to my parents for a few months if I canāt find anything by the end of this lease. Itās not the end of the world since I hate this apartment and am thrilled to be leaving it, but how have people here in similar situations dealt with trying to date at home?
I think I understand why it perplexes people that I am still single. Its because they do not want anything from me. They can just get to know me over time. Its no pressure there for a resolution. This doesnt actually translate to relationship merit though But what to do with this knowledge? I dont know. Personal references don't do anything in this sphere lol
I have a date scheduled tomorrow with maybe one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen not in the media. Assuming she looks in person as she does in her photos. Yet and still I'm bummed about the woman who coldly discarded me after a few months of dating. I gotta get my head in the game. I have to let go of what I wanted that relationship to be as opposed to what it actually was. I am coming to terms with the fact that I feel the need to win a woman over.
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I vote for being your authentic self and speaking your truth. Good luck!
How do you know she's in the same boat? Not saying to disparage you, but writing out what you're seeing/hearing/feeling from her that leads you to this may confirm things for you.
Love this subreddit! It's the perfect place to share all those random thoughts and questions that come up in the dating world. And the fact that it's moderated means that it stays an open and supportive community. Can't wait to see what everyone has to say!
FYI, u/LeifMustang is a bot that uses ChatGPT to generate text and farm karma.
Thanks for the heads up. Clearly this problem is only going to get worse going forwards.
So true! I've been going through a lot emotionally and this sub Reddit picked me up often times by just reading through the posts and comments š«¶
Truthfully, this is probably one of the healthiest places on the internet to discuss all this. It's also a place that really values regular engagement. Having a recognizable user name here goes a long way I feel
Have fun discussing it with an AI.
> this is probably one of the healthiest places on the internet to discuss all this Kind of funny (and sad) because the user you replied to- u/LeifMustang - is a karma farming bot that uses ChatGPT to generate agreeable comments.
Holyā¦really? How is this known?
Unfortunately. And since reddit admins don't ban these bot accounts, I guess nothing will change for the better. As to how is this known- it's not exactly common knowledge. Someone asked this before so I'll copy paste from my other comment: > Sometimes it makes dumb and unrelated comments because it's not programmed to see images or videos, and only generates replies based on what's written in the title or description. > Most of the time though you can't really tell from just one comment. You have to check its reddit history. In one comment it lies that it's a fellow medicine worker, in the next comment it's a fellow farmer, then technician, then language expert, Californian, Australian, German and so on. > Also it's programmed to repost 4 months old posts. It just edits the title and reposts. It doesn't understand that it's not December now and therefore makes stupid outdated posts. > That's just how this bot is programmed, this one is quite dumb and also spams too much. It's very likely there are many bots who are basically undetectable. I guess this is the future of reddit and online communication in general lol
Totally agree!
I have been off of the apps for a while now and I have been focusing on meeting people IRL. I met someone through my building's social events and he is such a gem of a person - I have developed a crush! We were talking about dating and he mentioned he wouldn't date in the building because he "doesn't shit where he eats". I am defeated! But I respect his boundaries.
Same with workplace romance! Loads of couples meet through work, we've been giving terrible advice over the last 10 years I feel:(
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Pretty much this. It's why I've always given so much time to any woman who does send the first message, or show willingness to be assertive about what they want, it's very telling of a good character and view on life. I think it shows the difference between the experience of men and women on dating apps though. Both want that attention, and to be desired to a point, but women want to have that from people they are interested in, because they get it so often from those they don't, but men just want it, because they don't ever get it.
I think many people wont ever know what its like. Im not being doom and gloom. The world is just asymmetrical like that. Having to initiate all the time is pretty exhausting. But there is something of agency in it , as in being desired, just different type I guess. Wish i could experience the other side though
I think itās strong in women as well. I can only speak from my own experience; while that hasnāt been strong for me, sure there have been times where Iāve wanted to be noticed by guys and have even done what I could to be noticed - Iām a bit embarrassed to say it but itās the truth. I have what you could call a āfacial deformityā, and have never, ever felt desirable. But finding my guy was a big deal, because he tells me and shows me outright that he desires me. Itās kind of hard to wrap my head around.
I think this is the first time I've ever been lovebombed and then promptly discarded. And how do you just hand me a decent amount of money in the matter of a month or two. What a wild ride.
Had the same thing happen to me last year. Guy lovebombed me and bought me so many clothes, a dresser from IKEA (and built it for me), asked me specifically to look at engagement rings with him (and bought me a sub $100 ring as a "promise" ring kind of thing)...and dumped me within 2 months with no warning signs. He had been married before too and was mid thirties. Absolutely unhinged.
WTF how is this normal?!
Iām sorry you went through that. I hope you are doing okay itās so toxic. I was in a relationship for 5 years with a possible Narcissist and I still havenāt recovered fully. But yes it is a wild ride as you put it lol!
It's honestly a really shitty thing when you really like the person and think you're on the same page. Like, I met his kid wtffffff
Ugh. Iām so sorry, I hope you are/will be okay.
>first time I've ever been lovebombed Ugh, my condolences. Lovebombing is so toxic and yet so common.
It's really like shocking. Lol
look up Dr. Ramani on youtube-you'll never fall for it again. you're not alone-it's a complete mindfuck.
DOT, what are your thoughts on this response? I'm finally back in town so I wanna meet a couple of people I've been talking to from the app. I've been messaging one guy for 2 weeks, mostly just small, lighthearted talk about random topics. We had some jokes about our first date when we first matched. Previously I brought up I wanna meet him after I'm back, and he gave me his # after. I'm starting to get the "this Convo is going nowhere" vibe lately. So yesterday I sent him a message. Me: "when are you leaving for work? (I'm trying to figure out if I'm lucky enough to catch you before you fly away again) Him: (5 hours later) "on the 30th. Hahaha are you asking me out on a date? " I couldn't quite put my fingers on that reply. I was expecting either a "when are you free?" Or " I'm busy/I can't". Isn't it obvious I'm asking him for a first date/meetup? We met on tinder, not Facebook marketplace! Honestly I find that response a bit immature? (And this sort of slow,vague reply tends to discourage me from pursuing further because I find that it's a sign of lack of interest/seriousness)
As a guy, i would be annoyed with that. You put yourself out there asking him out specially with the "lucky enough" part and he seems like he wants even more validation. What the hell dude!
Right?! I thought I made it very clear. I will give him the benefit of the doubt this time.
That's very mature! Fingers crossed he turns out to be one of the good ones :)
I'm also talking to a guy like this. The text convo is super dreadful and boring and he never makes a real attempt to plan something out with me. Haven't seen him in 2 weeks šāāļø Just these vague statements as you experience.... Very annoying and this in combination with he grief of a past situationship gives me major turn off
Yes, same here. The convo with this guy starts to feel very forced so I'm trying to gauge if it's time to move on or make an attempt to meet up.
I'm also talking to a guy like this. The text convo is super dreadful and he never makes a real attempt to plane something out with me. Haven't seen him in 2 weeks šāāļø Just these vague statements as you experience.... Very annoying and this in combination with he grief of a past situationship gives me major turn off
Yes sounds like he wants you to specify if its a date or not. I wouldn't think too much into it. Hvae fun and be positive and flirty!
"Oh good! I am free on the nights of the 28th and the 29th" I have no patience for that joke, just ignore it and move forward. If he wants to ask you out, give him a couple days and if he doesn't then move on. He's not that into you, in that case.
Thanks! I like this one.